


Darcy, I Shrunk the Avengers

by emma98



Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Darcy always saves the day, F/M, Kid Fic, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve would make a great dad, domestic fluff with a side of feels, ensemble fic and fluffy fic and slice of life elements, experiment goes boom then instant parents!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-07-22 08:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 159,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7427053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emma98/pseuds/emma98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time, there was a group of very impressive people who had a very big argument.  </p><p>Darcy Lewis would have put them all on time-out had she been on Midgard at the time.  </p><p>Now she's back, and she's gotten the team to work together in a crisis, but then a flash of light (because of course there is a flash of light) and a failed experiment make four important adults turn into four important children.  Darcy could use some help.  Enter Steve Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It’s a Boy and A Girl and a Boy and a Girl!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> I shouldn't be starting another work in progress. But this sang out to me and demanded to be written. I hope that you enjoy it!

****  


**Chapter One: It’s a Boy and A Girl and a Boy and a Girl!**

 

* * *

  


**Avengers Facility, Upstate New York**

  


_Once upon a time, there was a brave Captain who had an argument with a close friend.  Eventually, they made amends.  Sort of.  What really happened was something big and evil came and forced the two arguing friends and their separate camps to come together for the common good.  And once the smoke had cleared, it didn’t make sense for the two groups to separate again.  So instead, they decided to go back to what they had all called home and build something new and interesting._

  


“Mommy.  Mommy.  Mommy.  Mommy.   _Mommy._  MOMMY.   **_MOMMY!!!”_ **

 

Darcy put down the telephone book she had been pretending was an actual children’s fairytale book.  The Avengers Facility was woefully short on kid friendly supplies, something that Darcy had been assured would be handled.  But eight hours into this ordeal, and nothing was handled yet, and Darcy had two toddlers under the age of four and two six year old’s who were pretended to be disinterested, but really were in desperate need of a bedtime story.

 

Darcy looked down to the incredibly petite little girl who was tugging at her sleeve and put on her most patient, loving smile.

 

“Yes, Helen?” Darcy asked the little girl, who the medical staff on site had guessed was about three and a half.  The medical staff on site had taken great joy in guessing their technical superior’s new age.

 

“Lookit what they did!” Helen pointed to the other end of the king sized bed.  

 

“No good rotten tattle tale!”

 

Darcy took a deep breath as she looked down at the end of the bed where the two six year old boys who she had literally rescued from medical experimentation eight hours ago were currently tearing the bedding apart as they wrestled with each other in a violent way that was really unnatural for two small children.  The bedside lamp that Darcy would have normally admired under different circumstances glinted off a very new and shiny vibranium arm.

 

“Bucky Barnes!” Darcy scolded.

 

One of the little brunet boys froze, the _mom_ voice was something he had clearly heard before and knew he should respect.  His small metal arm was wrapped around the other boy’s neck,  but obviously wasn’t actively trying to strangle him with his full strength.  If he had been, the other little brunet boy would be very dead at the moment.  And he wasn’t because he was currently digging a bony, vicious elbow into the tender spot on tiny Bucky’s tummy.

 

“TONY STARK!” Darcy scolded.  

 

Tony wasn’t so used to the scolding _mom_ voice.  Maria Stark had been a good mother, but not overly involved in Tony’s discipline.  That had fallen to his father.   The soft anger in Darcy’s voice made him pause for a moment but then he went right back to actively trying to hurt Bucky.  Bucky whimpered and threw Darcy a pleading look, as if asking for permission to strangle the other boy.

 

“STOP IT! YOU’S PISSING ME OFF!”

 

The tiny annoyed growling sound made Tony laugh, giving up on actively trying to grind his elbow into Bucky’s spleen.  The little cuddly bundle that had been attached to Darcy’s side for eight hours uncurled from around her and stomped down to the other end of the bed.  She swatted her hands with unusual grace for a two year old, pushing Tony away from Bucky.  She gave them both a swat for good measure before plopping her chubby little body between the boys, her previous cuddling towards Darcy now being aimed at Bucky.

 

“Sorry, Nats,” Bucky said softly, wrapping his arms around the girl and cuddling her close.  

 

“No more fighting!” Darcy warned.  

 

“Say sowwy to mommy!” Natasha ordered Bucky.

 

“Sorry, ma,” Bucky said, appropriately ashamed.  He knew Darcy wasn’t his real ma.  Helen and Nat thought that she was.   But he and that mean jerk Tony knew better.  But she had taken care of them all day as best as she could while the other adults ran around trying to come up with a solution.  

 

Natasha gave her fiercest baby glare to Tony, who rolled his eyes.

 

“She ain’t my mother!” Tony insisted.  “I don’t got to listen to her, and that poophead over there needs his face smashed in!  He was naughty!”

 

Bucky shrank in on himself.  He knew he had been naughty.  Even if Tony was a stinky butt nugget, he had the right to punish him,  Darcy’s heart stung at the sight of Bucky going nearly compliant in his silent agreement with Tony.

 

“Tony’s mean!” Helen cried out anxiously.

 

“Tony isn’t mean,” Darcy said softly.  “Tony had his feelings hurt very badly, and he’s taking it out on Bucky.  Tony deserves to be angry and sad, but he needs to learn to be angry and sad in a better way, where he doesn’t hurt other people.”

 

Natasha nodded in agreement, and hugged Bucky closer to her.  

 

“You’re a dumb face!” Tony glared at Darcy.  “And you’re not my mommy!”

 

“Tony.”

 

All four children went stony at the authoritative voice that had muttered a single word.  Darcy felt a calm go through her and she didn’t quite know why.  Maybe because finally, she had some backup.  

 

Steve Rogers stood at the doorway to his bedroom, his arms laden down with bags as he looked at Tony with a gentle, but stern expression.  Steve had been eavesdropping ever since Darcy had started her storytime.  He hadn’t meant to creep around the young woman who had hustled the four children out of the medical labs earlier that day, mouthing off to the scientists who were poking and prodding at the four crying little ones.  She’d taken charge, cuddled a sobbing Bucky close to her along with Natasha before marching with all four kids to the largest quarters on the premises.   _His_.

 

She’d been a whirlwind since then, sending him and Barton off a few hours ago to procure what was necessary to make the children comfortable for as long as they were children.  

 

Darcy Lewis was something of a mystery to him.  He had realized before the events of last spring that somewhere on the Avenger’s payroll was a babysitter.  That was the description.   _Darcy Lewis, official team babysitter_.

 

When he had asked Clint about it months ago, the archer had just laughed.  Darcy wasn’t a babysitter for his kids.  Darcy was the babysitter of the Avengers.  It had been a position that Phil  Coulson had created prior to the Avengers forming, and he had been actively trying to recruit Darcy to that position back in 2012.  Steve didn’t know it at the time, but after some research, it was clear that Darcy had been taking care of Thor, Tony, Bruce, Natasha and Clint.  

 

Even further digging revealed that she had been taking care of him as well, silently and in the background.  His back pay had been tensely negotiated with the US government.  His contracts with SHIELD prior to the Hydra reveal had been through dozens of revisions that had been initiated by her.  She’d even set him up with his apartment in DC.  All without ever having met him.

 

Steve wondered if she hadn’t been on Asgard at the time of the Accords, if things wouldn’t have been a little different.  

 

She had arrived back on Earth two months ago with news of Ragnarok.  She had been the unifying cause between the two factions of the Avengers less than a month ago so that they could stop the newest evil that had tried to infiltrate Earth, providing a far away asist to Thor and Bruce in Asgard, who were dealing with bigger things.  

 

He was certainly charmed by her.  She had a no nonsense attitude and an unshakeable moral compass.  But she was also fun, and lively and vivid in everything that she did.  And it also helped that she was very, very beautiful.  

 

But now she was in his bed, with four children who were now looking to her to mother them.  She looked a little frazzled around the edges, and definitely a little tired.  But now she had a hint of relief in her bright blue eyes, and she certainly looked happy to see him.

 

It made him puff up a bit inside, if he were being honest.  

 

“Tony, come here,” Steve said patiently.  “I think you and I should have a talk.”

 

“Tony is in trouble with Daddy!” Helen sing songed joyously.  

 

“Helen,” Darcy scolded lightly.  She held out her hand to Bucky and Natasha and she led all the children off of the bed.  “Let’s see what Uncle Clint and Steve brought back.  We can all get changed into comfy pj’s while Tony and Steve have a talk.”

 

“Daddy,” Natasha corrected Darcy patiently.  She smiled shyly at Steve and waved.  ‘Hi Daddy.”

 

“Hi, Natasha,” Steve smiled genuinely at the little girl who was keeping very close to Bucky, who was still looking morose.  “Hey Bucky, how are you feeling pal?”

 

Bucky shrugged in response, but there were the hints of tears in his eyes.  Steve looked to Darcy, lost and hurting and she gave him a soft smile in return and a little nod.  She would handle it.  

 

Tony refused to move from the bed, so Steve sighed and walked over to it, picking up the small six year old and hauling him over his shoulder and leaving Darcy and the others to go through the clothing and books and toys that Clint had insisted were age appropriate.

 

Tony wriggled against Steve and made annoyed and anxious sounds.

 

“You’re no better, you’re naughty too!” Tony insisted as Steve quickly walked them down the small hall of his quarters.

 

“C’mon, buddy.  Time to have a talk.”

 

* * *

 

 

_**Eight hours earlier** _

  


“This place is a sty!”

 

Darcy walked through the Science Division of the new Avenger’s Facility.  It really did look like it had recently been demolished.  There were pizza boxes and take out boxes littered in every available countertop, intermingling freely with beakers and machines.  Exposed wires were hanging out of most of those machines.  Over seventy-five percent of the labs looked like they had recently suffered an explosion, but there were scientists still working in them, no matter how charred they may be.

 

There were actually a pile of scientists and lab technicians asleep in one corner of a destroyed lab.

 

“HEY! NERDS!” Darcy called out.  “GO TO YOUR QUARTERS AND SLEEP OR I WILL BE FORCED TO HURT YOU OR GET SOMEONE APPROPRIATELY MUSCLEY TO HURT YOU!!!”

 

“I’ve missed your gentle touch, kid,” Clint smirked as he walked down the hall to meet her.  “Cap and the team are back, came in about five hours ago.  Cleanup at the site is done.  No mean nasties from Thor’s battle are gonna be coming to good ole Midgard.”

 

“Awesome,” Darcy grinned.  

 

“You did good, kiddo,” Clint patted her on her head.  He heard a crashing sound down the hall and he rolled his eyes.  “We really missed you these last eighteen months.”

 

Another crash and the sound of thundering footsteps.  Tony Stark’s shout of _Lang!  Your shit is in my workshop!_ could be heard throughout the entire building.  

 

“Really missed you,” Clint sighed.  

 

“Is this Jane’s shit in here too?” Tony bellowed.  “Where the fuck is Darcy? She’s gonna straighten all of your asses out, and I’m gonna pop popcorn to munch on while I watch.  You all have no idea what that kid is---”

There was a flash of light.

 

Because there is _always_ a flash of light.

 

The sonic boom had Clint pushing Darcy to the floor.  He gave her a sign asking if she was alright and she nodded before he took off towards the origin of the explosion.   Darcy tried to get her bearings about her, pulling herself up to standing as heavy, rapid footsteps came rushing up to her.

 

“Miss Lewis!” Steve called out as he came upon her and helped her to standing.  “Are you alright?”

 

“I’m okay,” Darcy nodded.  She smiled up at him and shrugged, “You get used to random  science explosions after a while.  I’m not too shabby at the duck and cover.”

 

“I can see that,” Steve gave her a shy little smile.

 

The sound of a baby wailing made both of their eyes widen to cartoonish size and they ran to the sound of it.  The origin point of the blast, Tony’s workshop.  Steve had made it there before Darcy and he was standing stock still, staring into the workshop.  When Darcy finally caught up to him, she completely understood why.  

 

There were four children standing in the workshop.  Two very little girls, one of them petite and delicate, drowning in a lab coat and a set of scrubs was sniffling and crying and looking around in confusion, pushing heavy black hair out of her eyes.  She looked like a very tiny Helen Cho.  

 

Wrapped around the good doctor’s tiny lookalike was an even younger little girl.  

 

If the catsuit pooled at the chubby two year old’s feet wasn’t evidence enough, the shock of bright red, wild curls framing her cherubic face like a halo was the exact shade of Natasha’s hair.  

 

“Mommy!” Helen wailed.  “Where’s my mommy?”

 

“She ran away cause you’re a cry baby!”

 

“HEY!” Darcy stepped in and stared down at the little six year old boy who was glaring at everyone and everything.  Brown eyes.  Brown hair.  Currently drowning in an AC/DC t-shirt.  “Tony Stark!  I know that you’re scared, but you apologize to Helen right now.”

 

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” Steve whispered.  

 

“You’s supposed to cross yourself.”

  
Steve looked to the corner of the lab, and his mouth dropped in shock at the sight of the small boy.  He had been expertly hidden.  His  small hands holding up the overly large uniform he had yet to change out of after the debrief.  His metal hand.

 

“Bucky?” Steve whispered.  

 

“Stevie, I’m little now,” Bucky looked down at himself.  “What happened?”

 

“It was _Lang!_ ” Tony announced loudly.  “He had his stupid experimental suit just laying around and stuff.  He made us little!”

 

“Mommy!” Helen cried out, making grabby hands at Darcy.  

 

Darcy reached down and picked her up, and with her came Natasha.

 

“It’s alright, Helen.  It’s okay,” Darcy promised as both girls clung to her.  

 

“Did assface Stark bellow my name again?”  Scott chirped cheerfully, walking into the lab.  “Woah, is it bring your kid to work day today?”

 

“Scott,” Steve said gently, looking down to where Bucky had very quietly snuck from his hiding place to hide behind Steve’s legs.  Steve’s hand fell naturally to the top of Bucky’s head, petting at thick brown hair that fell to the little boy’s neck.  “What happened here?”  


“Uhm,” Scott looked around at the various children and he shrugged.  He opened his mouth and no sound came out, completely at a loss.  

 

“Scott,” Darcy said his name firmly, bringing him back to the situation at hand.  

 

“Holy Shit, Darcy, I shrunk the Avengers.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as a side note, I have a five year old little sister (I'm twelve years older than her), so I'm looking forward to smashing in as much silly stuff that I've witnessed over the last few years into this fic.
> 
> If you have any funny/touching/adorable kid stories that you think would inspire me here, feel free to let me know!
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!


	2. Sorry is not an Eraser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a writing roll lately. It must be all the nice responses everyone has been giving me!

 

**Chapter Two: Sorry is Not an Eraser**

 

* * *

 

“Tony, I know that this is all very confusing.”

 

“Your face is very confusing.”

 

Steve pursed his lips and swallowed a sigh.  This circular conversation with an entirely too clever six-year-old boy was maddening.  If Steve hadn’t been told by Darcy earlier in the day that the quartet of little ones were mentally children as well as physically children, he would swear that Tony was the normal, forty-six year old Tony in his head.  His smartass ways knew no bounds.

 

“I’m sorry you’re a kid again, it seems like it’s frustrating, but you have to stop being so hurtful to everyone,” Steve advised softly.  “It’s important to try to be kind to others.”

 

“That seems like a big pile of doo-doo,” Tony sneered up at him.

 

“It’s not,” Steve insisted.  “It pays off to be good to other people, I promise.”

 

“What’s the point?” Tony shook his head.  “It feels good to be mean to Barnes because he was mean to me!”

 

“Tony,” Steve openly sighed.

 

“And you were mean to me too!” Tony insisted.  

 

“ _ Tony _ ,” Steve said again, with more authority in his voice.

 

“And stop using that DAD voice with me.  You ain’t my dad!” Tony’s voice increased with volume on every single word.  “Remember?  Cause that stinking Barnes ---he--- he did that bad thing!”

 

“Tony, I’m so sorry,” Steve said honestly as the little boy trembled with held back sobs.  Steve had a good idea that any words from him wouldn’t help at that point.  

 

So instead, he reached down, put his hands under Tony’s arms and hoisted him up.  The sheer shock of the fast, strong movement left Tony speechless and stock still for a moment as Steve wrapped him up in a fierce and strong hug.  One of Steve’s large hands were at the back of Tony’s head and the other one was on his back, holding him close even as Tony began to squirm and cry at the same time.

 

“It’s not fair!  It’s not fair!” Tony sobbed out, his words repeating and slurring together as they became nonsensical.  “I want my mom!  I want her!”

 

“I know, buddy, I know,” Steve soothed him.  “But she’s not here anymore, and you’re right, it’s not fair to you.  But I’m here.  And Darcy is here.  And I promise that between the two of us, and all of our friends, we’re going to take such good care of you.  I promise.”  

 

Tony sniffled in response as Steve stroked the boy’s back up and down.  Steve realized that Tony was still only wearing the adult sized ACDC t-shirt and the smallest shorts that Darcy could find in Jane’s still unpacked luggage.  The ensemble was finished off with a length of electrical tape to keep the shorts up.  All the children had been wearing ensembles similar to that, complete with electrical tape for the last eight hours.  It was the best that Darcy could do before she sent Clint and Steve away to the nearest store.

 

Clint had been invaluable there.  Having gone through it a couple of times, he knew exactly what the kids would need.  Steve had been absolutely blown away at the total of their very, very long receipt by the end of the shopping spree, but if Darcy and Clint said it was what was needed, he had no problem paying fifteen bucks a pop for little reusable water bottles with cartoon versions of the Avengers emblazoned on to them, or nearly clearing out entire shelves of tiny little underwear and socks, because Clint had said you can never have enough.

 

The disposable diapers he had balked at though.  They were wasteful and expensive to his depression era upbringing.  He had fashioned one for Natasha shortly after everything had happened when the two year old had calmly told him  _ can’t poopy inna pottie, is scary _ .  Luckily, there were cloth diapers and pins at the store, and Clint had shrugged and said Laura had insisted on cloth as well for their kids.

 

Clint and Steve had talked about it on the drive back.  The kid situation.  The fact that Darcy would need a partner to help to take care of them until they could figure out a way to science them back to normal.  They also talked about the fact that Clint could not be that partner since he had three kids of his own to get back to as soon as possible.  Clint had warned Steve that it couldn’t be temporary until Rhodey returned from overseas where he and T’Challa were working with a panel of governments to amend the Accords.  

 

_ If you’re going to be a Dad, even if it’s because of some random shit-ass science exploding all over them, you’re going to be a Dad permanently.  Darcy could do it alone, but I don’t want to see that happening.  If you’re doing this, Rogers, you’re doing this until those little street urchins are all back to normal again. _

 

Steve had thought of the way Bucky’s hands, both metal and flesh had scrunched up the fabric of Steve’s uniform pants as they waited in medical hours earlier.  He thought of they way Darcy managed to hold both Natasha and Helen and soothe them tirelessly as the medical personnel took measurements and asked questions and took blood samples that had made the little girls howl out with painful indignation.  He thought about the beautiful fierceness in Darcy’s face when she had declared that all the testing was done for good when Bucky had started to silently cry, before taking all the children back to Steve’s apartment.  He had thought about Tony, small and hurting and so angry still.

 

And he made a promise to Clint and to himself in that moment.  He would do anything to help.

 

“Hey buddy?” Steve said softly.  “I remember when your Dad made me big, that I had a pair of pants on that didn’t fit too well.  And I felt so much better when I changed into something comfortable.”

 

“I want pj’s,” Tony mumbled against Steve’s wet shoulder.

 

“I bought pj’s,” Steve promised.  “Iron man ones.”

 

“I want Hulk ones,” Tony shook his head.

 

“I picked up some of those too,” Steve promised.  He pulled away slightly to look Tony in the eye.  “For right now, you’re going to have to be around Bucky.  Now I know that Bucky is very sorry for what happened before with your parents.  Some very bad people made him do what he did.  But he’s still so sorry.”

 

“Sorry’s not an eraser,” Tony mumbled.  “Dad used to tell me that.”

 

“It’s not an eraser, you’re right,” Steve nodded.  “But it’s meant to give you some comfort.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony’s vulnerable moment was gone, and an overly mature glibness was back.  He wiggled against Steve until he was placed back on the ground.  “I don’t got to like him.”

 

“No, you don’t,” Steve nodded.  “But you do have to be civil and you shouldn’t pick fights with him.”   
  


“FINE,” Tony huffed out.

 

“Tony, if you don’t want to stay with us, we can have some other people come in, to watch over you separately,” Steve suggested, knowing he was asking for a lot to have a six year old boy be in close quarters with his parents' murderer, brainwashing or not.  “Rhodey said he could make it back in a week.”

 

“But Darcy is the best one to take care of us!” Tony disputed hotly.  “Why should I not get her as my new mom when the other kids get to have her!  I’m the one that pays her all her monies, then she has to watch ME first.”

 

“I could call Pepper for you,” Steve suggested.

 

“ **NO!!”** Tony shouted.  “No, no, don’t do that.  I’ll---I’ll stop picking fights with Barnes.  Okay?  I’ll be nice.”

 

“Okay, Tony,” Steve smiled down at him in encouragement.  “But if you get upset, you come to me or Darcy and we’ll talk about it, okay?”

 

“Fine.”

 

* * *

 

When Steve and Tony walked back into the bedroom, it was to quite a scene.  All three children looked clean and fresh in their correctly fitting pajamas.  Darcy was sitting on the bed again, with Helen leaning into her side and Natasha on her lap.  Both of the little girls were giggling madly and Darcy’s laughter was loud and clear as a bell in the bedroom that had never seen such joy before.

 

Bucky was standing on the bed, clad in smart little red, white and blue Captain America pajamas, his hands on his hips as he moved them around in a spasmic little circle.  

 

And on top of his head were a pair of Black Widow underpants.

 

“Whistle while you work, do do doo do do doo dooo!” Bucky sang out, much to the delighted amusement of the ladies on the bed.

 

Steve and Tony watched from the open doorway, with nearly identical looks of amused disbelief on their faces as Bucky didn’t stop his silly singing and dancing, even gaining more energy and verve as Helen and Natasha’s giggling grew more powerful and delighted.  Steve could very clearly remember being very young, and being used as free entertainment for Bucky’s little sister.  Steve had been great at pulling faces that made the baby girl giggle, and Bucky had been great at singing songs and doing funny little dances that never failed to make the baby be absolutely joyful, no matter how uncomfortable the teething had been at the time.  

 

“James so funny!” Natasha clapped her hands together before hysterically giggling once more.  She was getting to the point of hysteria when she suddenly stopped and pointed at the door.  “Daddy, look!  Laughin’!”

 

“I see that,” Steve smiled.  His eyebrows went up into his hairline when Bucky turned to face the doorway, the silly dancing continuing despite Steve and Tony’s arrival.  

 

“Helen started to cry, because she was scared to go to sleep in a strange bed,” Darcy explained.  “And then Natasha started to cry too.  Bucky did a very nice thing and made the girls laugh.”

 

“Bucky’s the funniest!” Helen hiccupped in between giggles.  

 

“Hey, that’s not true,” Tony huffed out.  “I’m the funniest.”

 

“Well, Tony, Bucky’s the only one trying to be funny right now,” Darcy said, with only the slightest hint of teasing.  

  
  


“I’m really funny too!” Tony insisted.  

 

“Can you make a funny face?” Bucky asked with soft curiosity.  

 

“Plllllppp,” Tony made a little raspberry sound with his tongue as he rolled his eyes.  He hopped up on the bed next to the very silly looking Bucky, who still was wearing underwear as a hat.  Tony stuck his fingers in his mouth to stretch it out ridiculously and crossed his eyes. “Tttheeee!  Funny!”

 

“You look funny, Tony!” Helen called out joyously.

 

Natasha giggled again, right back on to the point of hysteria in no time flat as Bucky continued his dancing and Tony continued his silly faces.  Steve looked to Darcy, who had a fond, though tired look on her face as she watched the boys’ antics.  She really was lovely.  Her pretty blue sweater matched the color of her eyes.  And the ketchup on that sweater  that Natasha had flung on her earlier in the day when making ketchup and french fry art matched her pretty, pouty lips.  The heavy rimmed glasses on her face were covered with small fingerprints.  And the jeans that fit her every curve so beautifully were splattered with brightly colored juice that Helen had always been fond of, as an adult and as a child.

 

Steve knew without a doubt that she was  _ absolutely  _ gorgeous inside and out.  He hadn’t wanted to entertain the idea of dating again after Sharon broke things off amicably with him in Wakanda shortly after Bucky went back into the cryofreeze again.  She had told him then that they wanted different things.  Natasha, a grown up Natasha, had patted him on the shoulder, told him that getting told that was an important 21st century rite of passage.  And told him that he was now one day closer to finding someone to truly share his life with.  

 

And if Natasha had said that to him, quietly and with so much feeling while staring at Bucky in the cryofreeze chamber, well, Steve didn’t say anything at the time.  He also didn’t say anything when she had spent the following five weeks tracking down every single handler who had ever worked with the Winter Soldier, finding every last remaining trigger out there while Bucky slept peacefully in Wakanda.  And Steve said nothing still when Natasha was right by his side when Bucky came out of cryofreeze a few days after Darcy had arrived and told them to start  _ charging their lasers  _  for the big fight.

 

Natasha had returned the favor when she had said nothing the first time Steve had gotten lost in thought while staring at Darcy four days after she had returned.  The former intern and official Avenger’s babysitter had just given Tony a stern talking to as he put up a fuss about working with Steve’s faction of Avengers, and in particular, Bucky.  She’d taken Iron Man to task verbally and had the man promising to play nice in less than five minutes.  

 

“Daddy love you,” Natasha cooed in Darcy’s ear right at that moment.  

 

So much for her returning the favor again and keeping her adorable mouth shut.  Adult Natasha definitely had discretion that baby Natasha did not.  Darcy caught him staring at her with a definite look of beguilement and he felt his cheeks turning rapidly red.

 

“Ooooooooooooooooooo!” Bucky pointed at Steve’s reddened face.  He knew that blush.  Even at six years old, he knew what it meant.  Stevie had a crush.

 

“That’s gross.  That’s so...that’s ick!” Tony called out.  “Do you know she’s got  _ girl _ parts?  I mean...gross!”

 

“Thank you, Tony,” Darcy rolled her eyes.  “Why don’t you get changed, then it’s time to brush teeth and THEN, it’s time for sleepy byes.”

 

“I don’t have to brush my teeth!” Helen called out.  “I brushed them afore.”

 

“Really?  When was that exactly?” Darcy asked knowingly.

 

“Yesterdays,” Helen mumbled.

 

“Nice try, kiddo, up and at them!”

 

* * *

 

 

This was one of the most difficult extraction missions he had ever done.  

 

And Clint had done an awful lot of them.

 

But this was the by far the most impossible.  

 

Clint bit at his bottom lip as he managed to gently move Bucky’s metal arm up and away from Steve’s bicep so that Steve could ease his way out of the bed.  Clint had spent ten minutes unwrapping a tiny, sleeping Tony from Steve’s legs.  The children had been read five bedtime stories in a row.  Darcy had sung eight lullabies, resorting to love songs when she ran out of traditional lullabies.  Extra blankets had been obtained.  One last sip of water had been granted.  And then, after a final bathroom break, one by one, each child dropped off into dreamland.  

 

But not before wrapping themselves around Darcy and Steve.  Bucky had clung to Steve’s arm, while Tony had clung to Steve’s legs like a little monkey.  Steve tucked a blanket around Bucky tenderly before looking to Darcy, who Clint was trying to free from the tenacious holds of Natasha and Helen, who both had little arms wrapped Darcy’s torso.  

 

“Mommy no,” Natasha mumbled in her sleep.

 

“Mommy will be right back,” Darcy promised as Clint managed to move Helen to a pillow and get a warm blanket around her.  

 

“Nats, honey, let go of mommy,”Steve whispered, running a hand over wild red curls.  “We’ll be right back, I promise.”

 

“Kay, Daddy,” Natasha mumbled  before allowing Steve to roll her away and tuck her in properly while Clint helped Darcy climb over a nearly comatose Helen.  

 

Clint signed something to Darcy, and Steve knew that once everything was settled, his next immediate goal would be to learning sign language.  It came in handy, apparently.  

 

“Run for it,” Darcy whispered to Steve, grabbing his hand and rushing for the door.  

 

Steve didn’t have more than a moment to savor the feeling of her hand in his.  (It was small, but soft.   _ So _ soft.)  As soon as they hit the hallway and the bedroom door had closed behind them, Darcy was off like a rocket down the hall.

 

“Bathroom, bathroom, bathroom!” Darcy whispered frantically.

 

“Heh,” Clint chuckled.  “The mom bathroom dance.  On her first day too, Laura will be so proud.”

 

“Mom bathroom dance?” Steve blinked.

 

“She’s been with those kids for eight hours straight.  When do you think she managed to use the bathroom?” Clint wondered.

 

“Geez,” Steve ran a hand through his hair.  “Poor Darcy.  And Laura.  And moms everywhere.”

 

“Yeah,” Clint smiled fondly at the memories of many early days where Laura would throw a child at him the moment he walked through the door before making a run for the bathroom.  “Moms everywhere have bladders of steel.”

 

“What else can I do?” Steve asked softly.  “It’s only been a day and she’s done so much.”

 

“Natasha was right,” Clint shook his head in disbelief.

 

“She’s  _ two _ ,” Steve disputed.

 

“Not baby Nats, grownup Nats,” Clint smirked.  “She said you had a crush and told Laura she was going to help you out.”

 

“Busy body,” Steve huffed out a sigh.  He gave Clint a rueful smirk and said, “Sure, I like her, a lot.”

 

“Oh, don’t do a but.  Don’t be a buts, Steve,” Clint gave him a pleading look.

 

“But, for the last two months, we’ve kind of been in a lot of danger trying to save the world,” Steve reminded Clint helpfully.  “And now, when I thought it might be a good idea to ask her out to dinner, suddenly---”

 

“You have four children together,” Clint finished.  “Well, I will tell you, that you’ll get used to it quick.  And you’re gonna find the time for romance.”

 

“You still have time to romance Mrs. Barton?” Steve asked knowingly.

 

“I have an eighteen month old baby at home that proves it,” Cint waggled his eyebrows.  “And speaking of, I’m sure Laura needs to do a bathroom dance of her own.  Wanda and Vision are in command central with Maria.  They’ll be bringing in the best and the brightest to get these kids all growed up.”

 

“And Lang?” Steve wondered.

 

Clint chuckled and shook his head slowly.  “Lang is on Wilson retrieval.  He drew the short straw.”

  
  


* * *

 

 

“Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey buddy.  You look great.  Nice and rested.  Totally refreshed.  You look like you got good news.  Did you get good news?  What did you have to go to South Korea for anyway?  I mean, was it for Bulgogi?  Because I know a place that has super good Bulgogi, you didn’t have to go all the way to South Korea for it.”

 

“Tic tac!” Sam interrupted.  “I had to visit Helen’s only family.  Her grandfather, he raised her, but he’s ninety-one years old.  He’s not exactly good to travel, you know.”

 

“OH.  Did you try bulgogi, though?” Scott wondered.  “Also...why did you hae to visit her family?”

 

“I wanted to ask a question,” Sam smiled.  He had left the last big battle on a separate quinjet going directly to South Korea so that he could ask.  He’d come within an inch of sure death during the battle the day before and he knew, he  _ knew _ that he had to start living his life before heroics tried to take it away.  He knew that there was one thing he wanted to do more than anything.  “I wanted to ask him for permission to ask Helen to marry me.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Scott stood stock still on the tarmac.  A whole thirty seconds passed by in silence before he shook his head in disbelief.

 

“You can’t.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Cause of reasons.”

 

“And those reasons would be?”

  
“Cause she’s four years old, dude.  She’s a freaking baby! You can’t marry a baby!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scott is right. You can't marry a baby.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


	3. Nice to Meet You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> So I'm super pleased with this chapter, and I really hope you enjoy it as well.

 

**Chapter Three:   Nice to Meet You**

 

* * *

  
  
  


"Holy Shit."

  
  


"Watch your mouth around the fucking kids," Steve muttered at the man who had been staring from the doorway to Steve's bedroom at the large bed that had four very different team members sprawled on it in deep slumber.

  
  


Darcy rolled her eyes at the exchange between Sam and Steve.  Sam had arrived an hour ago, bursting into the room at a full sprint, looking desperate and terrified and not at all sorry that he had walked in on Darcy cuddled against Steve's shoulder as she dozed off during a viewing of the evening news programs.  He had been in the doorway to Steve's bedroom ever since, his emotions cycling on a never ending loop.

 

At first he would just shake his head, taking in deep breaths as he looked over each of his teammates.  Stark, who he would have never mistaken for anyone else.  Except for the lack of manscaping, he looked identical to what he looked like as an older man.  Including the little mischievous bent to his mouth he had even when he was snoring like a chainsaw.

  
  


Natasha was barely identifiable.  But that was mostly because she was sleeping with the entirety of her face smashed into the bed.  Her little, compact body was curved in an S shape with her little butt in the air and he could see a diaper peeking from under her little bright red nightgown. One of her chubby hands was thrust out across the bed, gripping onto something metal.

  
  


Barnes.  Barnes was fucking  _ heartbreaking _ .

  
  


He was curled in the fetal position, which Sam knew for a fact that the grown up Barnes did whenever he could catch any non cryo-freeze induced sleep.  At least the six year old wasn't shaking, as the grownup Bucky was prone to do whenever he would dream the horrible dreams that plagued him.  As a child though, it was disturbing to see him curled in on himself, hiding his whole face with long brown hair.  The much smaller metal arm was stretched out to Natasha and held her hand tightly in sleep.  

  
  


And finally, his eyes would land on Helen.   Helen Cho, visionary of the medical sciences.  Helen Cho, bravest woman he had ever known.  Helen Cho, who had fought against the control of an infinity gem in order to try and help to defeat Ultron less than two years ago.  

  
  


Helen Cho was sucking her thumb in her sleep.

  
  


Helen Cho was a four year old and she was currently sprawled out like a starfish on the bed, save for her right hand, which was occupied in the aforementioned thumbsucking.

 

Sam would start the cycle with bewilderment.  Quickly it would turn into a sort of bemused fascination with the tiny version of the woman that he knew was the great love of his life.  She was adorable.  When he had taken his spur of the moment trip to South Korea, Helen's grandfather had shown him multiple photo albums of Helen growing up.  

 

She had the same heavy, blunt bangs that she had had in the pictures of her going to her first day of kindergarten.  He had thought the pictures were adorable, but seeing it in real life made him want to reach out and ruffle the hair off of her forehead.

 

Almost immediately, Sam's emotional cycle would go to worry.  What if she stayed like this?  Would he have to wait to see if maybe in twenty years she might like him a little and maybe want to go on a date or something?  Would he have to go into cryo-freeze to wait for her?  Because he would, he knew that.  If this was permanent, he'd have to ask Barnes about what it was really like, because there was no way he was going to wait twenty-odd years to have the woman he wanted to be his life partner somewhat back to normal.  

 

From worry, it was easy to slide into panic.  Sam immediately thought of the millions of things that could happen to a tiny four year old child with the way his life had gone the last couple of years.  He couldn't exactly ensure that she would always be safe.  At least as an adult, he knew Helen was strong and capable.  She had survived Ultron.  She had helped in the effort to keep Ragnorok out of Midgard.  She was the second best female on base when it came to the obstacle course that Natasha had insisted all civilians go through three times a week.  (The fastest was Darcy.  No one understood how Darcy did it.  She hated physical activity, but she had zipped through the course that first week she had come back from Asgard.  Sam suspected she was cheating.)

  
  


Sam had to figure out a way to get his lady back to normal.  Scott was right.  He couldn't marry a baby.  And he really wanted to marry Helen.  

 

He would then look to Tony, knowing that if the genius was back to normal, he and Jane and Helen and whoever else that had the brains about them could start to work on a solution.  But Tony was a little baby  too.

 

And Sam would swear out loud and the whole cycle would start again.

 

"What's she remember?" Sam finally broke the cycle, looking to Darcy and Steve curiously.

 

"Not much," Darcy admitted.  "Natasha remembers nothing.  She thinks she's just a baby and that Steve and I are her parents.  Helen thinks that too, but she knows that Steve's a superhero and, I quote here, that _ we all save the world a lot _ .  Bucky and Tony remember more---"

 

"I don't care what those little fuckers remember, I care about what Helen remembers," Sam interrupted, a spike of panic coming in.  He shook it off and shrugged, "I didn't mean that.  I'm just---does she remember me?"

 

"I don't know," Steve answered honestly.  "We didn't ask her."

 

"We can find out in the morning, when they wake up," Darcy gave Sam an encouraging smile.  

 

"Yeah," Sam nodded.  "What about Bucky and Tony?  Tony still pissed?"

 

"He's not handling it well," Steve admitted.  "He keeps saying that Bucky and I did bad things.  I don't think his mind can comprehend death or murder, or exactly what Hydra made Bucky do, but there's animosity there."

 

"Fantastic," Sam said sarcastically.  He pinched the bridge of his nose before looking back at the children on the bed, shaking his head in disbelief.  "Holy shit."

 

"Okay, it's like, one in the morning, and I'm exhausted," Darcy finally cut in, before Sam could go through his cycle again. "And we're going to have to be awake in like, four hours, so maybe we should all get some shut eye while we can."

 

"Four hours?" Sam furrowed his brow.

 

"Clint said Natasha probably wouldn't sleep much past five," Steve revealed.  "And Helen would probably be up with the dawn, too."

 

"Jesus," Sam blew out.  "Okay, I'll---I'm going to go for a drive.  I'm too wired, and my body clock is all whacked out of place.  Maybe I'll go to town and pick up those breakfast pastries Helen likes so much and bring them back."

 

"Uhm, she's four," Darcy reminded him helpfully.  "No offense, but just bring back donuts. With sprinkles.  Actually, ask them for sprinkles only, like in a to go cup, that'd probably work.  She's got a bit of a sweet tooth right now.  And she might eat the oatmeal if I put sprinkles in it."

 

"Alright," Sam nodded.   He turned back to get one last glimpse, a soft smile coming on his face.  Helen's grandfather had asked if he would be getting great grandchildren before he turned 100.  Sam had been hopeful that it would happen.  He and Helen had talked about it pretty early on and it was something that they both wanted.  Well.  He was about to get a crash course in little kids, courtesy of his future intended.  

 

Darcy and Steve watched him go before Darcy turned to Steve with a hesitant look.  She shook it off quickly and said with all the subtlety of a freight train,

 

"Look, we're both exhausted.  You have one bed made up in your guest bedroom," Darcy nodded her head in the direction of the empty bedroom next to the one that the kids were in.  "Let me be clear, you are NOT sleeping on the couch.  And if we try to get back in bed with the kids right now, they will wake up at one in the morning.  So.  C'mon.  Let's go to bed.  Fair warning?  I'm a snuggly snuggler who snuggles  when I'm exhausted.  Jane said it was mostly appropriate snuggling, but Thor totally blushed about it, so I _really_ doubt it."

 

* * *

 

 

Darcy was not an appropriate sleepy snuggler.  Five minutes into her REM cycle and she rolled in the smaller bed of the guest bedroom, right into his body.  She adapted quickly though, throwing her leg across his hip and her arm across his chest.  Steve managed to move his arm so it was wrapped around her rather than trapped under her.  

 

He had one thought before drifting off into the best four hours of sleep he had ever gotten in his very long life. 

 

He could get used to this.

 

Steve woke up to the very strange sensation of incredibly tiny fingers pinching at his eyelids.

 

"Heeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy."

 

Steve swallowed a chuckle as Natasha continued to try to pull his eyelids up and open as she continued to just repeat saying  _ Hey _ in varying lengths and volumes.  He wondered if she had climbed out of bed and found them on her own, but was soon answered when another body climbed onto the small bed.

 

"Nats, leave 'em alone," Bucky whispered.  "C'mon, I'll go get you breakfast."

 

"Daddy and mommy is so cute," Natasha said cheerfully.

 

"Yeah, they're something alright," Bucky said with a sort of wryness that seemed wrong for a six year old.  "Daddy really likes Mommy."

 

"Cute cute cute cute cute," Natasha repeated as she finally stopped poking at Steve's eyeballs and let Bucky lead her off of the bed.

 

Steve remained in the bed, mostly because he wanted to soak up some more of the feel of Darcy snoring against his neck.  He really couldn't even think of moving just yet.  His body was still mending from the fight that had wrapped up less than thirty-six hours ago.  And then of course.   _ Darcy _ .  She wriggled in her sleep as she slowly surfaced into wakefulness and without realizing it, Steve's hand started to move up and down her back in soothing, gentle swipes.  

 

"G'morning," she whispered into his neck.  "You smell nice."

 

"Uhm. Thanks?" Steve answered back.  "Just plain old ivory soap, nothing fancy."

 

"Adorable old geezer," Darcy mumbled.  

  
  


"I try," Steve said dryly.  "You sleep well?"

  
  


"Ridiculously so," Darcy admitted truthfully. "You?"

 

"Best night of sleep in my life," Steve blurted out, then felt his face redden.  

 

"Was I dreaming, or did I hear Bucky say he was going to get Natasha breakfast?" Darcy wiggled a little so that she could look Steve in the eye, her nose smashed slightly into his jaw.

 

"Oh, yeah, she tried to wake me up, and Bucky rescued me," Steve nodded, his face moving so that her nose was pressed a little higher on his face, with his mouth being inexplicably closer to hers.  "It's kind of a thing he does, rescues me when he can, even at six."

 

"Adorable old geezers," Darcy repeated, her lips moving against his skin at this point.

 

And then she suddenly went from cuddling against him to sitting bolt upright in the bed.  Steve's body screamed out for the loss of her sleep warm curves against him and his hands itched to grab her by the waist and pull her back down on top of him.  Instead he swallowed deeply as he watched the way the brown curls at the top of her head stood completely upright nearly two inches high as she stared at him in sudden panic.  

 

"Bucky's gonna make breakfast? Jesus Christ, Steve, he's six!" she fretted before rolling over top of him to get out of the bed.

 

Steve wondered why she didn't roll out on her side, but would never complain because he doubted there was anything better than feeling her smash her body on top of his.  This time, his hand did reach out for her as her feet hit the floor and she made a run for it.  He quickly got out of bed too, and followed her faithfully out of the room and towards his modest little kitchen in his quarters.

 

"MORE!" Natasha called out.

 

"Okie dokie," Bucky nodded before taking the can of whipped cream spray that grown up Tony had insisted every fridge be stocked with in the facility.  Natasha opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue and Bucky sprayed a more than liberal amount of the whipped cream into Natasha's mouth. 

 

He then reached for a container of sprinkles and dumped as many as he could on top of the whipped cream before Natasha closed her mouth and happily ate the copious amounts of sugar.  She was already a mess, with globs of whipped cream and sprinkles all over her night gown.  Her hands were covered in chocolate and her red curls looked like they were comprised of half smashed up donut and half hair.

 

The rest of the kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off.

 

"It was five minutes," Steve whispered.

 

Five minutes had been enough time for Bucky and Natasha to completely destroy the fridge.  The gallon of milk was laying on the floor busted open, rivers of white going every which way on the floor.  There was also a large amount of cereal amongst the milky rivulets, Steve's favorite frosted shredded wheat soaking up some of the milk like sponges.  

 

All of the previously spoiled takeout containers that had been in Steve's fridge since before the start of their two month long mission were also on the floor, looking like they had been inspected and found clearly wanting.  A pizza box was flung open on the floor, and the pizza was missing.  A quick look to the left found that all of the stale and spoiled pizza had been put into a water filled bowl, as if the water would somehow bring it back to life.

 

Sam had obviously dropped off the donuts sometime in the middle of the night.  There were two big boxes sitting on the counter next to Natasha.  The one on the bottom looked unharmed, but the top one was open, and there were two small bites taken out of every donut in the dozen.  On some of them, like the coconut cream, one of the bites looked to be spat back right on top of the donut.

 

"MORE!" Natasha demanded.

 

"More, what?" Bucky prompted, hoping to teach the two year old his original mother had drilled into him at an early age.

 

"MORE NOW!" Natasha answered.

 

"Good 'nough," Bucky shrugged, going to give her more whipped cream.  He looked up suddenly and saw Steve and Darcy standing and looking at the mess in shock before smiling at them as he gave Natasha more whipped cream.  He looked a little guilty before shrugging, "You don't got good food for babies here."

 

"Oh, so sugar is good food for babies?" Darcy asked as Bucky added the sprinkles to Natasha's mouth.

 

A sudden sparking began from the corner of the kitchen where Steve had his microwave.  

 

"SPLOSION!" Natasha called out a cheerful warning before Bucky grabbed her quickly, dropped to the floor and covered her little body with his own.

 

Steve went into immediate action, rushing for his shield, which was propped up against the kitchen counter and covered with the runoff whipped cream and sprinkles.  He flung it for the power cord of the microwave, cutting off the energy and stopping the foil wrapped leftovers that Bucky had obviously tried warming from sparking and crackling.

 

"Pal, you can't put foil in the microwave," Steve advised Bucky, as he stood up, now he too was covered in all the various foodstuffs, as well as Natasha.  He gave the shaken boy an understanding smile.  "That was a lesson I had to learn too when I woke up in the future."

  
  


Darcy gave him an indulgent look before shaking her head in exasperation at the mess.  Natasha kept on shouting for MORE from her place on the floor, where her cloth diaper was currently soaking up what Darcy was sure was spoiled milk.  The baby grew impatient and grabbed the canister of whipped cream from Bucky and let loose, covering her whole face with the stuff.

 

Steve picked up the baby and attempted to pull the can of whipped cream away from her, and only managed to get a face full of the stuff himself.  

 

Darcy laughed as Steve tried to blink the whipped cream from his eyes and said, "And your new lesson for your first full day of parenthood is that you never leave children in the kitchen unattended."

 

* * *

 

 

"This is usually my thing," Steve's voice rang out through the gym.  

 

Sam stopped his pummeling of the heavy punching bag and took a deep breath.

 

"Sorry man, I don't mean to step on your territory, but I'm seriously freaking the fuck out," Sam sighed.

 

"Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck."

 

Sam froze and turned around, cringing when he saw Natasha on Steve's shoulders, her chubby arms wrapped around his head, her chin digging into his skull as she gaily repeated the swear word.  Bucky was clinging to one of Steve's legs and Tony was clinging to the other as the man walked through the gym.  

 

"Good job, Wilson," Bucky rolled his eyes, the bro-nemy vibe obviously translating into Bucky’s munchkin state.  He looked up the long slope of Steve's body and said, "Nats, that's not a nice word."

 

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck," Natasha smiled happily, knowing very well that it wasn't a nice word and not really giving a fuck.

 

"Hey, why don't you guys go and tumble around on the mats over there?" Steve asked, not bothering to chastise Natasha as it would have been wasted breath.  He was learning very, very quickly, that as adorable as Natasha was, she was also equally as headstrong and solely dedicated to doing whatever she could want.  He placed Natasha on the ground and pretended to shake Tony and Bucky from his legs.  

 

Natasha was off like a rocket, rushing towards the mats that were usually reserved for sparring.  She began running and jumping while Bucky and Tony tried to teach her how to do somersaults.  

 

"She had more than twice her body weight in sugar for breakfast this morning," Steve explained.  "Darcy told me to get her properly tuckered out so we can try to put her down for an early nap."

 

"Sorry, I probably shouldn't have just let those donuts there," Sam shrugged.  "I was just...you know.  Not ready to see her."

 

"Understood," Steve nodded.  "She's upstairs in Darcy's office with her, they're making a grocery order through FRIDAY.  Helen...she's so helpful.  When she woke up this morning, all she wanted to do was help clean up all the rotten milk on my kitchen floor, even though she didn't make the mess."

  
  


"Rotten milk on the kitchen floor?" Sam furrowed his brow.

 

"Yeah, it was a whole thing.  Rule number one, never leave children unattended for longer than a minute," Steve sighed, looking back to the mats as Bucky successfully helped Natasha on tucking her little body into a front roll.  "Are you going to want to say hello to Helen?"

 

"Dunno," Sam said honestly.  "Scared she won't recognize me.  Scared she WILL recognize me.  Just.  How do you introduce yourself to the four year old version of your girlfriend?  Fucking Lang, man.  I could murder him."

 

“If it helps, Darcy woke him up at 5:15 this morning and made him clean up the kitchen,” Steve offered.  “And he has to wash Natasha’s diapers.”

 

“Fuck, that’s not too shabby,” Sam shrugged.

 

"Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck," Natasha chanted as she continued to roll with Bucky's help.  

 

"Hey, enhanced hearing," Steve reminded Sam.  They had both fallen victim to an adult Natasha's eavesdropping before.  

 

"That translates over to babyhood?" Sam wondered.

 

"Everything translates over," Steve revealed.  "Bucky didn't mean to make such a mess this morning in the kitchen, his metal hand broke the gallon jug of milk and five other containers without meaning to.  And Tony---hold on, where's Tony?  TONY!"

 

"LOOK AT WHAT I CAN DO!" Tony called out from high above.

 

Tony was high above the others, nearly to the top of the two story high gym ceiling, with both of his hands jammed into one Iron Man gauntlet as he shakily flew across the length of the gym.  He was dangerously unbalanced.

  
  


"SHIT!" Sam shouted.  "Get down here, Stark!"

  
  


"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," Natasha parroted helpfully as she and Bucky watched with wide and delighted eyes as Tony continued to repulse himself along the top of the ceiling.  Bucky had the good grace to wince every time Tony accidentally rammed his head into the ceiling when he used too much thrust.

 

Steve and Sam both panicked, rushing around the gym, trying to follow Tony's erratic flight path with their arms wide out, in a preemptive attempt to catch him.  They bumped heads spectacularly, and Sam nearly felt like he was concussed thanks to Steve's very hard skull.  

 

"The wings, Sam, the wings!" Steve pushed him away.

 

Sam nodded and rushed towards the go room that doubled as a locker room.  He grabbed his pack and started to put it on, rushing back into the gym and popping the wings out to full span in less than a minute.  Steve was still desperately following Tony's flight path, his arms still outstretched.

 

"Tony, get down, right now!" Steve called out anxiously, his voice wobbly and nervous.  

 

"I'm great at this!" Tony called out.  He hit his head against the ceiling again and felt his balance go wildly askew.  "Ow."

 

"ANTHONY EDWARD STARK GET DOWN HERE!" Steve shouted, in a full blown panic.  

 

"I'M IRON MAN!" Tony yelled back at him as Sam approached him slowly.  "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME, BIRD BRAIN!"

 

"You're Iron BOY," Sam corrected him.  "And when I catch you, I'm sticking you in the corner for being naughty."

 

"These are mines anyway!" Tony huffed out as he led Sam on a merry, slow chase around the ceiling of the gym, Steve still following from below with his arms outstretched.  "I can use 'em anyway cause I made 'em and stuff!"

 

"MOMMY!  SHIT AND FUCK AND SHIT AND FUCK!" Natasha called out gaily.  "Tony flyin."

 

Steve gave Darcy a desperate look as she stood at the door with Helen in her arms.  Tiny Helen pointed to Sam in the sky and shouted,

 

"That's my boyfriend!  He flew with me afore!" 

 

"Yup, congratulations, he's a moron," Darcy shook her head.  "FRIDAY?"

 

"Yes, Darcy?"

 

"Kill the navigation thrusters on Tony's gauntlet, override protocol, Darcy's great and Tony stinks, passcode 7418," Darcy advised.  "Keep him in one spot please."

 

FRIDAY did just that, and Sam finally caught up to Tony and grabbed him quickly before taking him down to the ground.  Darcy put Helen down on the ground so that she could run up to Sam and hold her arms up to him.  

 

"HI! HI! HI!" She bounced up and down on the tips of her toes.  "I'M HELEN AND YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND! WE CAN HUG AND STUFF! NICE TO MEET YOU!"

  
  


Sam bent to his knees and couldn't help the big smile on his face as Helen continued to bounce in front of him, clearly overjoyed at seeing him.  He opened his arms up to her and she gave him a big hug.

 

"Hey boyfriend?" she asked, her little voice muffled against the straps of his pack.  

 

"Yes, Helen?" Sam wondered.

 

"Can you take me flying like you took Tony flying?"  Helen wondered.  She pulled away and looked up at him and batted her eyelashes at him.  "Please, please please?"

 

"Alright," Sam smiled, always a sucker for her pleases.  He picked her up and chuckled when she clung to his chest like a howler monkey before taking off.

 

"Wilson, you're an idiot!" Steve yelled.  "THAT'S NOT SAFE!"

 

"You're never safe," Bucky disputed.  "Big dummy."

 

"MY TURN!" Natasha yelled, running around the mat in big circles.  "MY TURN! MY TURN!"

 

"Don't worry, honey," Darcy patted Steve on the bicep consolingly.  "Sam will probably not break out the wings again anytime soon.  He's about to have to fly all four of them around for the next ten hours or so."

 

"MY TURN!" Bucky, Tony and Natasha all called out in unison.

 

Steve gave Darcy a little smirk and inspiration struck as he lifted up his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders.  She probably didn't realize just how much work went into Sam flying his pack.  He was essentially planking in midair for long periods of time.  

 

"Hey FRIDAY?" Darcy wondered trying not to blush and failing miserably as Steve cuddled her to his side.  "Did you happen to get that whole Tony flying, Steve running around debacle on film?"

 

"Of course, Darcy," FRIDAY answered faithfully.  "I've already sent the gif's to your phone."

 

"AWESOME."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that hilarious banjo song? Dueling banjos? Yeah, that was playing when Steve and Sam were running around after a flying Tony. Totally.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	4. Pasghetti and Meatballs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sister can't pronounce Spaghetti. But that's okay. I couldn't pronounce yellow until I was like, ten. I always said lellow. I could pronounce other "y" sounds, just not yellow.
> 
> Also, hi! I love this chapter and I hope that you do too.

 

**Chapter Four: Pasghetti and Meatballs**

* * *

 

 

Steve wasn't a great cook.  He would never be invited to _Celebrity Kitchen Madness, Superhero Edition_ , like Sam had been nine months ago (he came in second place to Johnny Storm thanks to a slightly over cooked octopus tentacle and the fact that Johnny Storm didn't use the oven, just heated things up with flaming hands and a lascivious wink to the judges).  But Steve was serviceable enough in the kitchen and was awful good at making something from nothing.  He had done it a lot in the good ole days when Bucky would be pulling an extra shift and Steve had had to transform potato peels into something to eat.

 

He had a few go to dishes in his arsenal, though.  Four different kinds of soups and stews he could make from memory.  He could roast a chicken like a champ (that skill was new and he had learned from the Barefoot Contessa personally.  She had been horrified that he had said in an article that he boiled them).  And if you gave him a potato, he could whip you up something pretty impressive.  But by far, the best dish he made was a spaghetti bolognese.  He was great at it.

 

Steve noticed pretty quickly that Darcy, perhaps, did not have the best kitchen skills.  He knew she could bake.  He'd been the lucky recipient of a cobbled together super cookie that she had cooked in a toaster oven three weeks ago during a lull in the fighting at a safe house in the Alps.  One bite of it had him moaning in delight that had Darcy flushing on the tips of her ears and Bucky chuckling helplessly into his hand.  

 

But just like the judge on that cooking show Sam had been on for charity had said, cooking and baking were two entirely different things.

 

Suppertime was coming around on the third day of their new adventures in parenthood and Steve returned to his quarters after a quick debrief with the scientists and Hill, who were all working on getting the quartet of children back to their normal ages.  Sam had been deployed after the meeting, going out to pick up Selvig and Pym to try and get a few more brilliant minds on the problem.

 

Darcy had Natasha on her hip and Bucky to the left of her on a little stool.  Helen and Tony were sitting on the counter and they were assembling peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a little manufacturing line.  

 

Helen would place two pieces of bread down, Tony would squirt jelly on one, Bucky would scoop out peanut butter on the other and Darcy would smooth it all out with a knife before Natasha would smash the two slices of bread together.  The children liked doing the little simple tasks.  And they had done it all together at least six times in the last three days.  

 

Because peanut butter and jelly was all Darcy was apparently feeding them.  Steve included.  

 

Steve didn't want to appear ungrateful.  It was nice that Darcy would jump in at mealtimes and start the sandwich making process without being asked.  But Steve's metabolism, and he would guess Natasha and Bucky's enhanced metabolisms, needed something more substantial.  Constant peanut butter and jelly couldn't be good for growing children and super soldiers.  

 

He'd tried to cut the meeting short with Hill and the crew of scientists so that he could run to the on site grocery store.  He'd stood in line patiently while every person on base stared at him as he went through the store and grabbed the things he would need to make a lot of dinner.  

 

The stock boy, who was actually a fifty-seven year old SHIELD retiree gave him a wink and nudged him towards the little freezer, where a very bright and highly sprinkled ice cream cake caught Steve's eye.  And when that same stock boy dropped a bouquet of pretty little daisies and roses in his little shopping basket, Steve gave him a little salute and a smile.

 

"Mommy?" Natasha questioned, reaching out and making grabby hands for the knife that Darcy was using to spread the peanut butter and jelly.

 

"Yes, baby?" Darcy asked offhandedly.  She paused and shook her head, a little stunned at how natural that felt.  When Natasha turned back to normal, it was definitely going to be strange.  Darcy had now changed ten of her diapers in the span of two days.  And given her three baths.  

 

At the very least, she could use it as leverage to get Natasha to finally teach her how to smother a man with her thighs.  Apparently in the years prior, grownup Natasha had thought that would make Darcy just a hair too dangerous.

 

"Don't want peanuts n' jellies," Natasha sighed.  "Don't want it."

 

"Okay, Nats, what do you want to eat for dinner, then?" Darcy wondered.  "Pizza?"

 

"Yucky!" Natasha wrinkled her nose.

 

"Rice?" Darcy thought, turning away from the assembly line and looking at the menus that Steve kept on his fridge.  

 

"Yucky!" Natasha insisted.

 

"Uhm...oh, Indian food!  You want some curry?" Darcy asked hopefully.

 

Natasha gave her a look that clearly told Darcy that the baby thought she was insane.

 

"Okay, what do you want?" Darcy smiled at her.

 

"Candy," Natasha grinned.

 

"No Candy for dinner," Darcy shook her head.

 

"Cookies," Natasha bargained.

 

"Still nope," Darcy fought back a laugh.

 

"Cake," Natasha negotiated.

 

"Peanut butter and jelly is like cake," Darcy promised.

  
  


"How about spaghetti?" Steve questioned, finally walking fully into the kitchen, holding up his bags from the grocery store.

 

"Yes!  Sghettis!" Bucky nodded eagerly.  "N' Meatballs!"

 

"I like pasghetti," Helen agreed.  "But I don't want the sauce to touch the noodles or the meatballs.  And I don't want the meatballs to touch the noodles.  No touching."

 

Helen didn't like food touching.  She even ate her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches deconstructed.  

 

"I WANT A SAUSAGE!" Tony demanded.  "Not the spicy kind, the good kind."

 

"I can't make spaghetti and meatballs," Darcy blurted warily.  "And definitely not sausage."

 

"Nobody said you had to make anything, Darcy.  I'm here to help you, remember?" Steve gave her a warm smile as he placed his bags on the counter.  He dug out the bouquet and handed it off to her.  "Why don't you go and put these in water.  I think I have a vase over there on the top of that bookshelf.  And then, just relax while the kids and I make dinner."

 

"Are you sure?" Darcy furrowed her brow, although she did start her jittery little bathroom dance the moment Steve took Natasha from her arms, allowing the little red-headed baby to cuddle against him, burying her face in his neck.  

 

"Positive," Steve nodded.  "I've got this."

 

* * *

 

 

An hour later, the smell of garlic was heavy in the kitchen.  After seeing the rainbow colored ice cream cake, Natasha had surprisingly taken Steve's suggestion of having a quick nap before dinner.  She was currently face down in the pack and play that Sam had put together that morning with Helen's supervision. 

 

The meatballs had been mixed and formed by hand.  Something the boys had absolutely loved, even though Steve had made them wash their hands for five whole minutes before and after their foray into ground hamburger.  They were now simmering away in a pot full of rich and meaty tomato sauce.  The garlic bread was in the oven, having been smeared to within an inch of its life with butter and garlic and parsley.  Helen had insisted on a separate bit of bread, with all the components separate, of course.  

 

They were just testing out the noddles.  Steve would scoop out a bunch of them and allow Tony and Bucky to blow on them to their hearts content before they would all grab one and chew it with a lot of seriousness.  

 

"I think it's done," Bucky nodded after the last test.  His little stomach growled and he would never tell Darcy, but he was really glad they weren't eating peanut butter and jelly again.  He'd been getting hungrier and hungrier after every meal, and knew that something about his super muscles meant he needed more food than just a yummy peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  

 

"Only one way to know for sure, pal," Steve gave him a little smirk.

 

Bucky's eyes lit up and he held up a finger before going to the playpen, he crawled in easily and nudged Natasha's shoulder very gently.

 

"Wake up, wake up," he cooed at her in Russian.  

 

Natasha blinked open her eyes and looked up at Bucky with a red cheeked face.

 

"What?" she questioned in Russian.  

 

"Something fun!" Bucky promised, lifting her up and somehow getting the both of them up and over the playpen walls.  They came back to see Steve and Tony blowing on the noodles that Steve had pulled from the pot.  Bucky held out a metal hand expectantly, obviously the ritual was something he and Steve had done before when Bucky was bigger.  He knew what the final noodle test was.

 

"Don't eat these," Steve told Tony and Helen, as Bucky carefully handed Natasha a noodle that she waved around in the air joyfully.  "A good noodle will stick to your ribs and the wall."

 

Bucky grinned.  It had been something his nonna had said all the time to Bucky and Steve as she made them dinner.  Steve grinned at Bucky before tossing his noodle at the wall.  It stuck, just barely and the kids all cheered.  One by one they followed his lead, with only Bucky and Tony getting the noodle to the wall.  Natasha's wound up in her hair and Helen's wound up on Steve's rear end.  

 

"AGAIN AGAIN!" Natasha demanded loudly, holding out her hand for more noodles.

 

Steve grinned, pulling the pot off the stove and dumping it in the strainer.  He quickly put the pot under the faucet and went to refill it, knowing without a doubt that they would definitely need to cook that second box of noodles.  Bucky reached a metal hand into the steaming noodles and pulled out a handful for the rest of the kids, all four of them blowing more spit than air on them.

 

Maybe he needed to do the third box of noodles too.

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


Darcy blinked her eyes open and stretched in the bed that she and Steve had both fallen into the last two nights.  She'd managed to go to the bathroom, take a long shower, and get in a very restful nap without being disturbed once.  It was amazing.

 

Admittedly, it felt a little strange to go to sleep in the bed alone.  And even stranger to wake up not cuddled up to Steve.  They hadn't had the chance to discuss the sleeping arrangements after that first night.  The second night, after finally getting the kids to sleep after an hour long, complicated dance that Darcy was very afraid was likely to be permanent, they had just trudged to the guest bedroom, blearily brushed their teeth side by side in the en suite bathroom, before falling face forward into the bed and succumbing to sleep.

  
  


Normally, Darcy would have been overthinking things.  Historically, she would have grabbed either Jane or Helen or Natasha, and taken them out for a night of drinking and over obsessing about every little breath and word Steve had taken in the last three days.  That wasn't an option here.  Not only was Jane off world preventing the apocalypse with Thor, but two of her closest female friends were actually her newly adopted children.  And, if she were completely honest with herself, she didn't have the time or energy to overthink this new situation with Steve.

 

She liked him.  Anyone who didn't would have to be an idiot.  He was the very definition of a good man and had always treated her with kindness and respect.  When she had appeared in Wakanda with a flash of light from the rainbow bridge, spouting off about killer hellbeasts trying to suck the energy out of Midgard to fuel the apocalypse, Steve hadn't blinked an eye, just rose from his hammock, taking one small moment to look her up and down (she had been dressed in Asgardian armor courtesy of Sif), and called the rest of the Avengers to assemble.  

 

She smiled at the sight of the flowers in the vase on the bedside table.  Steve had directed her to the vase, probably not even realizing that it was an award from some sort of prestigious amalgamation of people.  The little white daisies and red rose buds were beautiful and thoughtful and wholly unexpected.  Just like Steve, himself.

 

So no, she wasn't going to overthink this one.  She liked Steve a lot.  He seemed to like her a lot.  They were figuring out this parenting thing together and when something would come up, romantically or not, they would work through it together.

 

She stretched and made her way from the comfortable, but empty feeling bed and followed the smell of garlic and the sound of delighted, small giggling coming from the kitchen.  The table was set, with a big pot of sauce and meatballs in the center and baskets of garlic bread right next to it.  Steve was currently straining a pot of noodles.  And it definitely wasn't the first pot of noodles.

 

The first pot of noodles was definitely on the ceiling.  And the wall.  And Natasha's hair.  And Steve's butt.

 

"SO FUN MOMMY!" Natasha called out, throwing another noodle, only for it to land on top of her head.  

 

"I see that!" Darcy laughed, sharing a rueful smile with Steve.  "You guys did a great job, but I think the noodles have been tested enough now.  Let's go dig in."

 

Natasha nodded, rushing towards Darcy as she set up the high chair that Scott had spent an inordinate time building the day prior.  Darcy took the globs of spaghetti out of Natasha's hair before taking her little Black Widow t-shirt up and off of her body.  Darcy looked down at her appraisingly before nodding and taking off the little leggings Natasha had been wearing, leaving her in only her diaper before popping her in her chair.

 

"NAKED SGHETTI TIME!" Helen called out joyously before whipping her own shirt off and rushing to the dinner table.

 

"HECK YEAH!" Tony whopped with glee before taking his own shirt off.

 

Bucky bit at his bottom lip as the other children climbed up onto their chairs and started banging their forks against the table, or in Natasha's case, her fists and a little baby spoon against her high chair table.  Steve handed the noodles off to Darcy before bending down to be at Bucky's eye level.

 

"You okay, pal?" he asked quietly.

 

"Dunno," Bucky shrugged.

 

"Do you not want to take your shirt off?" Steve wondered.  "You don't have to if you don't want to."

 

Bucky looked down at the smart little white t-shirt he was wearing, emblazoned with Steve's shield right in the middle of it.  He really loved the shirt.  It was the favorite from the pile that Steve had put into the little chest of drawers he had emptied for Bucky and Tony's clothing.  He looked down at his metal hand, knowing that he was getting better with using it in this smaller state, but he still had little slip ups where the slack was either too tight or too loose.  He was sure to get sauce on his shirt.

 

"Don't wanna scare the girls," Bucky whispered, when Steve had only been quiet, a big hand on his back rubbing up and down encouragingly.  "My shoulders funny, you know?"

 

"Buck, you don't have to worry," Steve promised.  "Natasha and Helen wouldn't be scared of you.  They love you."

 

"Tony won't pick at me?" Bucky looked down at the ground, absolutely fearful of Tony's wicked words.

 

Darcy walked up to Steve and Bucky in the kitchen doorway and smiled down at Bucky.

 

"Tony won't be able to pick on you," Darcy promised, before reaching down and whipping off her own t-shirt, revealing a very sturdy bright pink sports bra underneath.  She pointed to a little scar on her abdomen.  "See this?  I got this two years ago, when some bad guy tried to steal my best friend, Janie.  I stopped him though."

 

"That's really brave," Bucky looked at the two inch long line of jagged scar tissue.  

 

Steve blinked at it.  He remembered reading that report.  It was what had caused Thor to drag Jane and Darcy off world in the first place.  They had been the subject of a Hydra operation, attempting to use Jane's knowledge to access portals to other worlds.  Darcy had been injured, but miraculously not killed before Steve and the rest of the Avengers could make it to the remote mountain location.

 

Because Darcy and Jane combined had knocked the immediate attacker unconscious, just as a far away sniper had taken out the rest of the ten Hydra members attempting to take them.  

 

Bucky furrowed his tiny brow and looked up at her, "Bad guys gave that to you, but---grown up me..."

 

"You stopped them," Darcy nodded.  She reached down and lifted Bucky's shirt off of him carefully.  She tapped a finger along one of the many scars along the place where metal met flesh on Bucky's shoulder.  "And when you saved me, we became scar twinsies.  Thank you for that, Bucky."

 

"Yeah," Bucky said softly and shyly, his little cheeks flushing red with pride.  He reached up on his tippy toes and placed a kiss on Darcy's cheek before rushing off to the dinner table, where Tony was digging out the best pieces of garlic bread.  "HEY, you can't give Nats the crunchy end pieces, she won't like those!"

Steve was staring openly at Darcy.  And not the feat of clothe engineering that was the sports bra that was containing her ample chest.  He was just staring at her face, with his mouth slightly agape and his eyes big and watery.  

 

"Steve?" Darcy whispered, waving a hand in front of his face.  

 

"Hmm?" he questioned, managing to at least close his mouth and smile down at her, his eyes never leaving her face as he just took her in.  

 

"If we don't go over to them in the next thirty seconds, there's gonna be a meatball incident, I'm sure of it," Darcy said softly.

 

"Oh, yeah," Steve shook himself out of his stupor.  And Darcy turned to the table.  

 

"SHIRTS OFF, OLD MAN!" Tony demanded as he dug into the pot for a sausage.  "You can't have any sauce unless you take your shirt off."

 

"Oh, Tony, no," Darcy whispered desperately, to no avail as Steve quickly whipped off the already sauce stained athletic shirt with one hand.  Her entire face turned beet red and she choked on a single piece of spaghetti she had stolen from the pot.

 

"SHE'S DYING SOMEONE GIVE HER THE HIMITCH MAN HOOVER!" Helen called out authoritatively as she stopped organzing her food on her plate methodically. "DADDY HELP HER!"

  
  


Steve got up and yanked Darcy out of her chair and looked down, wondering where on Earth he was supposed to put his hands as he wrapped his arms around Darcy's bare torso.  

 

"I'M OKAY!" Darcy choked out.  "I'M OKAY! I'M FINE!"

 

Steve relaxed, his arms still banded around her, his hands easily resting just under her sports bra as the adrenaline spike eased quickly.  It was a peril of the serum.  The adrenaline spiked quickly, but bottomed out just as quickly when he no longer needed it.  He sat down on the seat Darcy had been in, forcing Darcy to sit with him in his lap as he put his chin against the top of her head.

 

"SO CUTE!" Natasha squealed as she smashed at a meatball that Bucky had fished out for her with a spoon.  Despite only having that little bit of sauce, she was still covered in it, the red on her face matching her hair perfectly.  "NOW KISS!"

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I got a [ tumblr ](http://wahwahwaffles.tumblr.com/) a little while ago, and I think I feel pretty comfortable posting it up here now. If you're on tumblr, I'm super friendly. If you're not on tumblr, I'm still super friendly and we should be friends.
> 
> I hope that you liked this chapter. Thanks for reading!


	5. Dance, Monkey, Dance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> My mother asked what I was writing today and I couldn't explain it. I don't know what this story is, really. Domestic, pointless fluff. yes. I like it.

 

**Chapter Five: Dance, Monkey, Dance!**

 

* * *

 

Natasha had always been in incredible physical shape as an adult.  And it was not for lack of hard work on her part.  The diluted serum that the Red Room had given her all those years ago certainly helped, but Natasha was more devoted to her workouts than Steve or Sam.  She'd often try to drag Darcy, Helen and Jane into it in the wee hours of the morning.  

 

 

Helen had done her best to do what the Black Widow wanted.  Jane had usually been at the end of a science bender, and was so wired that she would follow instruction well, punching things, running around tracks, lifting weights.  _Here Jane, lift this.  Here Jane, run to the other side of this.  Here Jane, try to punch Helen in the face._ In the early morning hours, Jane was surprisingly good at following direction.  

 

 

Thankfully she wasn't so great at trying to punch Helen in the face.

 

 

Darcy, however, was a different story.  She had proven to be _great_ at punching Helen in the face.  But no amount of threats, promises or bribes could get her out of bed before seven am to work out.  Once, Clint had managed to do it with the promise of taking a trip to a breakfast buffet two towns over that had a chocolate fountain running.  The breakfast buffet had been a lie, and Clint had nearly wound up in traction.  (Despite her refusal to train, Darcy was still great at punching).

 

 

But she always passed the bare minimum physical requirements to remain in her position.  And she had gone through the obstacle course easily.  Even if she had cheated with a set of repulsors she always kept in her giant purse.  

 

 

New motherhood was definitely breaking in to Darcy's sleeping, and Steve had known she always liked a lie in.  So on the first Saturday after their adoption of four pint-sized former adults, he woke up to find Natasha sitting on his chest, staring down at him and Darcy with a heavenly little smile on her chubby face, and one surprisingly gentle hand running over Darcy's strands of hair that were splayed on Steve's shoulder, where Darcy had burrowed her head as she cuddled against him throughout the night.

 

 

"Morning, Stevie," Bucky whispered from his perch at the end of the bed.  

 

 

"Morning, Buck, Nats," Steve rasped out.  He reached out and ran a hand through Natasha's wild red curls before gently removing her from his chest and putting her on the ground.  He then went about gently detangling himself from Darcy's sleepy cuddles, earning himself some soft, moaning protests from her as she chased after his warmth in the bed, eventually substituting him for his pillow and taking a big whiff of his scent before settling back into a deeper sleep cycle.

 

 

"Let's go head out for something fun before your ma wakes up, sound good?" Steve smiled down at Natasha.

 

 

"Candy," Natasha demanded.

 

 

"If you're good, I'll give you candy," Steve promised.  He and Darcy learned quickly that they were not too high and mighty to use well-placed bribery, especially with Natasha, who would dig in her heels and refuse to do something as simple as let Steve catch her to change her diaper if she didn't get what she wanted.  

 

 

And Darcy had joked that they weren't going to have to worry about raising brats, since they were just going to get turned back into their proper adult forms.  Eventually.  Soon.  Perhaps.  It had been a full week now, and there were no answers on the horizon.  Steve felt that the team working on it was just too fascinated with the way all the science had melded together.  And they were focused on repeating the process successfully before even trying to reverse it.

 

 

It was an oddity certainly that as much as they wanted to reverse the process, Steve and Darcy weren't exactly panicking yet.  Sam was panicking, but he had a lot at stake for getting Helen turned back into a fully functioning adult and not a four year old who drew him pictures of him with the wing set on, and pink crayon colored hearts all around him.  (He'd put those pictures in his locker and smiled at them every time, but still, he would really like to have his girlfriend, hopefully soon to be fiancee back some time soon).  Pepper had also been told, and she'd sent a small army of scientists to help, and was also trying to get some help from other mystical sources as well.  But she hadn't come to see Tony, at the express wish of little Tony, who refused to see Pepper, Rhodey or Happy.  

 

 

"Are Helen and Tony awake?" Steve wondered of Bucky as he popped on a pair of socks and his running shoes.  Darcy and Steve had quickly found that the time for pajamas and sleep clothing that was merely for sleep was now over.  They slept in clothing that could easily be worn for sleeping and running around the base.  Athletic shorts and t-shirts and yoga pants.  

 

 

Steve really loved the days where Darcy wore yoga pants all day long.

 

 

"Yup," Bucky answered, going for Natasha's hand and leading her out of the room.  Sure enough, Tony and Helen were seated at the dining room table, three boxes of cereal opened in front of them, and the remains of the quartet's breakfast.  

 

 

Tony jammed a handful of cereal into his mouth, before grabbing for the milk container and pouring some into his mouth as well.  His cheeks puffed out like he was a squirrel as he swished the contents around before he started to chew and swallow.  Helen did not combine her cereal with her milk, and thankfully had her own private sippy cup full of milk that Steve and Darcy kept on the lowest shelf in the fridge for her and Natasha.  

 

 

"Good job, guys, there's no milk on the floor," Steve smiled at them.

 

 

"I cleaned it up," Helen reported.

 

 

"Okay, so let's get your shoes on, and maybe we can go and hit the gym, let Darcy sleep in a little," Steve suggested.  Natasha eyed him warily, even as Bucky helped her slip into her little velcro sneakers that would light up when she stamped her feet hard enough.  "And then we'll get candy."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Natasha and the rest of the kids were unimpressed with the gym.  They could only run around in circles and tumble on the mats so much before it got a little boring.  Tony had claimed that it was awful once he realized he couldn't find any Iron Man components to play with.  Sam was once again, out picking up another batch of the best and brightest minds the Avengers had access to, so rides in the wings were out.  Natasha was clearly coiled up with pent up energy though, and Steve knew he had to figure a way to run it out of her if he ever wanted to get her to take a nap today.

 

 

"Yo." 

 

 

Steve turned to see Scott walking through the gym entrance, a wary look on his face.  Every time Scott had come by, Darcy and Steve had given the man who was ultimately sort of responsible for this whole fiasco a lot of menial, janitorial tasks.  He'd done dishes.  He'd laundered diapers.  He'd steam cleaned Steve's kitchen floor.  

 

 

"Lang," Steve nodded.

 

 

"I'm not cleaning the toilets with a tooth brush, dude.  Please," Scott sighed.  "I said I was sorry for throwing my suit on the science, but really, who leaves experimental science running on a table so that anyone can just throw something on it?  Irresponsible, is what that is."

 

 

"Yeah, we're good," Steve nodded.  "You're still washing diapers though."

 

 

"Yeah, I earned that, I guess," Scott rolled his eyes.  He surveyed the children that were currently trying to climb a punching bag.  "We really need to get some kid appropriate crap in here.  Like...a trampoline or something."

 

 

"That doesn't seem safe," Steve hedged as Tony helped balance Natasha on Bucky's shoulders so that she could try to get to the top of the punching bag.  "But they do need something to do.  Natasha seems to be following her grownup tendencies, she needs to run a marathon before 10 am or else there's just...too much energy."

 

 

"OH!  Wait, hold on!" Scott held up his finger as his eyes went nearly manic in excitement, he ran over to the control panel on the side of the gym's walls and shared a few quiet words with FRIDAY.  A holographic panel that was sometimes used to display sparring matches to classes of recruits in the stands came up and the kids stopped trying to climb boring gym equipment and wandered in front of it as loud music and bright colors started to appear.

 

 

"What's this?" Bucky wondered.

 

 

"OH! OH! DANCE GAME!" Helen clapped her hands in excitement.  "My boyfriend and I play this all the time, but don't tell him I told you that cause it's apposed to be a secret."

 

 

Steve watched as Scott picked a song quickly, some modern pop song about waking up in the morning and feeling like P.Diddy.  Helen went nuts, and Natasha quickly picked up on her excitement, and the two of them jumped up and down with giggles and laughs as the song loaded.  Bucky looked perplexed, and Tony looked disgruntled.

 

 

"Something the matter, Starky boy?" Scott wondered.

 

 

"I like better music than this," Stark told him with a sneer.

 

 

"Nobody likes a music snob, Starky," Scott promised him.  "Besides, I bet I can get a higher score than you."

 

 

"Yeah right!" Tony furrowed his tiny brow.

 

 

"I bet NATASHA could get a better score than you," Scott shrugged.

 

 

"She's a tiny baby! NO WAY!" Tony disputed.  The music quickly started and he had to rush to catch up.  

 

 

Steve watched with a big grin, and hoped that FRIDAY was taking pictures and video to share with Darcy later.  He'd have to start carrying the Starkphone around with him, because he really needed to have these moments memorialized.  All of them.  Natasha was helping Helen with the moves.  And Bucky was a natural once he understood that he was supposed to follow the dancers on the screen.  He had always been a great dancer.  Tony wasn't quite as good, but he made up for it with a genuine smile and whoops of laughter.  And Scott was probably the best out of all of them, for sheer entertainment factor alone, as he really got into the music, exaggerated facial expressions and everything.

 

 

They finished three songs in a row (Natasha had won every one of them except for _Sway_ , which Bucky had aced easily, his little body remembering moves that his big body hadn't done since the 40's) before Scott claimed exhaustion.  The kids still wanted to keep going though, and Natasha stomped over to Steve, yanking him to stand in front of the screen with them.  Steve would have normally demurred, but he couldn't manage it as both Tony and Bucky looked up at him with happy grins on their faces as Helen picked out the next song.  

 

 

Steve may have never really learned how to dance, but he picked up on it pretty well, and found that a normal lack of rhythm was aided by the pictures on the screen.   He was in the middle of doing something that felt like a whole roll of his body from the top down to his hips and he knew he looked ridiculous, but Bucky had cackled with joyous and unrestrained laughter at it, so he couldn't really care.

 

 

"MOMMY LOOK DANCIN!" Natasha yelled over the loud music just as they did another full body roll then a shake of their hips.

 

 

"I see that, good job, baby," Darcy grinned as she walked into the gym.  Her amused eyes landing on Steve as he turned beet red, but continued to dance anyway, less he fall completely behind Helen in the score.

 

 

And if he grinned a little wider when Darcy clapped enthusiastically at the end and blew out loud whistles between pouty lips, well, that was to be expected, really.  Natasha grabbed Bucky's hand and whispered something in his ear and he gave a laugh and nodded before working in concert with Tony and Helen to pick the next song.  Natasha ran towards Darcy, and dragged her to their little game play area.

 

 

"Dance, Mommy.  Dance," Natasha demanded, carefully pushing her to stand next to Steve.  

 

 

"Always trying to get me to work out," Darcy huffed out in amused annoyance, giving Steve a little wink.  The sultry music began to play and the couple on the video game began to dance.  Darcy let out a loud squeak as Steve quickly pulled her into his arms and began to go through the choreography.

 

 

"Sorry, don't want to let the two year old and the six year old beat me too badly," Steve whispered in her ear before twirling her out.  Because sure enough, Bucky and Natasha were doing quite well with the dance.  Better than Steve and Darcy, at least.

 

 

Darcy flushed redder still as Steve's finger tips would drag against her skin with each touch and he would look down at her with utter beguilement and wonder.  Scott watched them with his mouth gaping open slightly and a realization over took him.  He had been on diaper cleaning duty.  And general hazard cleanup duty.  He had the feeling that Steve and Darcy were going to need a private date night soon.

 

 

Which meant he might have to be on babysitting duty too.  He sent out a group text quickly as the song came to an end, Darcy and Steve's bodies tight against each other, looking for a split second that they just might start making out right there.  And Scott truly believed that if Helen hadn't of sneezed, they would have.  

 

 

He looked down at his phone as the little family began picking out the next song, and saw the group conversation that was titled "Wombats"

 

 

_Hey guys, if I need to watch four kids some time soon, like an overnight thing, can I count on you to help?_

 

 

_Dave: Do we get paid?_

 

 

_Kurt: I have good kid's benadryl.  They will be out like the lights._

 

 

_Luis: ..._

 

 

Scott waited patiently as the text bubble kept displaying that Luis was typing on the other end.  Four songs later, and everyone was ready for lunch, and in Natasha's case, candy, and Scott looked down at his phone to see a full block of text taking up his entire large phone screen.

 

 

_Hell yes, dude.  I'm, like, the dopest babysitter.  There was this one time where I had to watch my cousin Marta's kids, she's not my real blood cousin, but you know, one of those people you call your cousin cause your mom's were like total BFF's and we totally had a blast.  Like, I'm talking, night to remember.  Like that movie Adventures in Babysitting, but without falling from a skyscraper.  It was just the top of the jungle gym at the playground , but still that's like a full story up in the air, but don't worry, there weren't any broken bones, just a ruptured ear drum, cause homie, no lie, I screamed like a bitch when she jumped from the top of there, cause her mama, Marta is no joke about her kids.  she would have cut me for real if something had happened to her baby girl.  But honestly (text message 1/23)._

 

 

"C'mon Lang, Mo--Darce said we were getting pizza for lunch!" Tony yanked on the man's hand to pull him up off the ground.  "Dibs on the pepperoni!"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	6. Shopping Sprees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love writing this story. And I really appreciate everyone who is reading!

**Chapter Six: Shopping Sprees**

* * *

  
  


"What's amatter with Daddy?" 

 

Helen furrowed a tiny brow beneath her blunt cut bangs as she looked up at a thoroughly frozen and incapacitated Steve.  The rest of the children quickly followed her lead and soon Steve was standing in the hallway in front of the bedroom he shared with Darcy, a pink blush tinging his cheeks and a dreamy haze laying like a film over his normal steely blue gaze.  Bucky tried to place the look.  He knows he should have known it.  He'd seen it a few times when he used to be big and back during the past.  When Steve had been little and once when Steve had been big.  

 

"Oh.  Like Peggy," Bucky finally concluded, remembering the funny way a big, dopey Steve had been looking at a very pretty lady in a red dress.  

 

Natasha smiled before fairly climbing up a still standing comatose Steve, before finally perching on Steve's shoulder and pressing against the red tinge on Steve's cheek.

 

"Warm warm warm," she chanted softly, a cold little hand placed against the warmth.  

 

"What's got him all stupid?  I don't speak stupid," Tony reminded Bucky.

 

"Pretty girl," Bucky shrugged. He turned to stare into the bedroom that Steve had been staring into and waited for whatever had pushed Steve into such a state of being.  

 

Sure enough, two minutes went by before Darcy came huffing out of the bathroom in a pair of her yoga pants and a very complicated and fancy electric blue bra.  Tony wrinkled his nose and that effortlessly curious part of his brain went to thinking of how strong the bra had to be in order to hoist those things up so high.  Darcy was clueless as to her audience as she darted around the room, looking for clean clothes to wear, but finding not very many.  

 

"Ugh, stupid date night bra," Darcy grumbled.  She had a choice of what to wear.  A luxury really with the current state of her life.  The choices weren't great though.  She had a fancy dress the same shade of her very impressive bra that was decidedly itchy.  The dress was low cut and had a slit that went up her thigh and it was the very opposite of the practicality that she needed now in her day to day life. 

 

The other choice, was of course the yoga pants she had on and the last t-shirt she had found that was clean in the dresser she and Steve had thrown clothes into a few days after the big change of the kids.  

 

It wasn't her t-shirt.  

 

She was sure Steve wouldn't mind though, and grabbed it, throwing it over her head.  It went down to her knees and the sleeves hit her mid forearm.  Steve let out a strangled noise to see that it had the name Rogers along the back of it.  Natasha hugged his whole face to the side of her body and giggled softly.  

 

"Oh, hey, sorry.  We have to do laundry today," Darcy turned to see Steve and the congregation of children.

 

"He don't mind one bit, Ma," Bucky promised.  Darcy grinned at Bucky.  The  _Ma_ was fairly new.  He'd only been calling her that for the last thirty-six hours, but she really, really liked it.  Three down, one to go.

 

"I---we---uhm," Steve stuttered.

 

"I had a limited wardrobe to begin with, my clothes were lost somewhere between Vanaheim and New York City and I'm seriously out," Darcy sighed.  She looked down and saw that even as large as the t-shirt was on her, her boobs were still practically piled underneath her chin.  "And this thing.  I mean, kudos little Tony, because grown up you figured out the physics of it all, but so much lace is not comfortable.

 

"Oh yeah, I made that," Tony nodded.  "S'why it looks so familiar."

 

"I could use them as a shelf," Darcy grumbled at her boobs.

 

Steve made some kind of muffled noise of torment and Darcy looked up curiously.  Natasha's little hands were covering most of the blush, but he was still a little glassy eyed.

 

"You're pretty," Steve managed to get out.

 

"Awful," Tony rolled his eyes.

 

"Seriously, Stevie," Bucky agreed with Tony.

 

"Let's go shopping," Steve continued.  The way Darcy's eyes lit up gave him courage and helped him to find his words.  "We can head over to the mall a few towns over.  Bucky's already growing out of the clothes we got him after the initial change.  We can make a day of it.  Get a nice lunch somewhere."

 

"Candy?" Natasha demanded.

 

"Yes, baby, we can go get you candy," Steve promised.

 

"Toys?" Tony asked shrewdly.

 

"If you behave, you may all get one toy," Darcy said sternly.

 

"Yes!" Bucky clenched his little fists together and made a little jump in celebration.  

 

Darcy melted at his excitement and bent down and hoisted him up in her arms.  He was already getting so tall and unwieldy that his little brown head of hair came to the bottom of where her breasts would normally be in a non Tony Stark designed bra.  He hugged at her as she propped him up on her hip.  His little cheek rested on the top of an ample swell of her chest and Steve wrinkled his nose.  He wondered how much of that was little Bucky, or grownup Bucky.  He could honestly have pictured it being grownup Bucky with his face pressed against Darcy's bosom.  

 

"You're the best Ma ever," Bucky sighed.

 

"Okay, maybe more than one toy," she cooed, placing a kiss on his temple.  "Love you, Buckster."

 

* * *

  
  
  


The new SHIELD agents who had been assigned security detail for that little family day at the mall had all wound up getting two weeks of paid leave as a result of the excursion.  Maria Hill had warned Darcy and Steve that their family day trips would have to be limited to once a month, or else they'd be running out of appropriately trained agents to protect them.

 

It started when the girls went into the ladies department in one of the big stores with Darcy, leaving the boys to their own devices.  Tony began spouting off about the shortcomings of the bras on the mannequins and how they'd never stand up to Darcy's _ginormous cans_.  Steve had dragged Tony away, red faced, even as Bucky was laughing at Tony's repeated insistence he get to test out all of Darcy's bra purchases.

 

Tony and Bucky quickly occupied themselves with a game of hide and seek between the clothing racks, and while Steve could track them, none of the security team could keep a close enough eye on them as they darted around noisily, driving all of the sales staff absolutely crazy.  Steve tried to put a stop to it when they began climbing upwards instead of between.  Steve had gotten his hands on Tony at least, grabbing the back of his shirt and holding him high in the air as Bucky laughed and went higher on one of the shelves.

 

"James Buchanan Barnes, if you don't get your keister down here right now, you aren't getting any toys!" Steve promised.

 

"Nah, punk, Ma said I could have as many as I wanted," Bucky taunted, sticking his tongue out at his friend/father figure.  "And you ain't gonna contradict her, cause you _looooooooooove_ her."

 

"You wanna  _kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis_ her," Tony added.

 

"You wanna  _maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarry_ her," Bucky said loudly.

 

"Get down here, right now, you're embarrassing me," Steve hissed at him.  

 

"I'm just havin' fun is all!" Bucky disputed.  He winked at a sales girl watching the scene with a smirk.  "Ma'am."

 

"Buck, you just wait, when this is all over and everything is back to normal, I'm going to tan ever square inch of your hide!" Steve promised.

 

The sales girl gasped and Steve turned red.  He stammered and tried to think of a way to explain the fact that he wasn't going to be hitting a child when all is said and done, but beating the snot out of a very grown up super soldier that was actually about to turn 100 very soon.  Bucky and Tony laughing their heads off at him were of no help, as it only incensed Steve more, making him look very, very angry.

 

"We're going back to your Ma, now," Steve demanded, hopping a little and finally getting his hand on Bucky's left arm.  He hauled the boy down unceremoniously and managed to throw him over one shoulder, and Tony over the other.  

 

"You can't!" Tony disputed.  "You're gonna go  stupid over her again."

 

"Really Stevie, don't do it!" Bucky laughed.  "One look at her in her altogether and you're gonna have your brains dribbling outta yer ears!"

  
  


Steve ignored the warnings and went towards the dressing room he heard Helen's happy chatter coming out of.  He let out a breath of a chuckle as Darcy was on her knees, wearing just the amazing bra Tony had made her and a pair of HIS boxer briefs.  She was red faced and sweaty as she tried to untangle Helen and Natasha from a large pile of strappy lingerie.  The little girls were practically tied together with bra straps.  

 

"Buy this polka dot one for grown up me!" Helen demanded cheerfully as Darcy physically spun the children to try and get them loose.  "I like it a lot!"

 

* * *

 

Steve was very much stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

He was sitting on a poofy little ottoman in the middle of a ladies changing room, with four children under the age of seven that were very, very bored.  Darcy was doing her best to try things on as quickly as possible.  But in her haste, she was flying to and from the barely shuttered dressing room.  And Helen wasn't helping matters as she kept going to the pile of Darcy's things that had been deemed too small (for her ample bosom that Steve had seen so very much throughout the morning).

 

"I'll look so cute in this," Helen chirped as she picked up another shirt that Darcy had said made her look like too much sausage stuffed into too tight casing.  

 

Helen had accumulated quite a bit of clothing for her grown up self at that point.  She and Darcy were the same height when both were in their normal states.  They didn't share clothing though, due to the beautiful bounty that Steve was trying very hard not to salivate over when Helen nudged the changing room curtain again and Steve got an eyeful of something red and satiny against pale, creamy skin.

 

"Let's take a walk!" Steve announced loudly.  "C'mon kids."

 

They followed eagerly, except for Helen, who was looking longingly at the pile.  Tony patted the girl on the head.

 

"We'll get 'em for you, Hells bells---"

 

"Stop calling her that," Steve admonished gently.  It was hardly an appropriate nickname for a four year old, no matter how much said four year old enjoyed it.

 

"Darcy's got the card.  No one on this planet could hit the limit," Tony promised.  " 'Cept Pepper that one time when she was mad at me."

 

Steve put a hand on Tony's shoulder as they walked a little distance away from the dressing room.  Tony didn't bring up Pepper very often.  Steve knew the couple had been having a lot of problems before their dust up in the spring.  But little Tony had been absolutely adamant that Pepper not see him as he was.  Steve had asked why, and Darcy had a few guesses, but neither of the guardians knew for sure.  The leading reason was because Tony didn't want to look so vulnerable.  Along with a firm suspicion that the little man was scared that his former paramour would feel obligated to take care of him.

 

It had taken enough effort to get Tony to allow Steve to take care of him.  Darcy had of course, been a coveted caretaker, as that was what she did anyway for all the monies Tony gave her, according to Tony himself.

 

"Look at me!" Natasha called out happily.  

 

Steve looked up from Tony and chuckled.  Natasha had crawled up and into a window display, posing like the mannequins standing stiffly for all the shoppers that passed by.  Helen was quick to follow, and Bucky, of course, went wherever Natasha did.  Tony shrugged off Steve's hand and crawled into the window display, posing like the Coopertone baby, complete with his little jeans pulled down to display the Hulk underwear he had put on that morning.

  
  


The kids occupied themselves for the next ten minutes, changing their poses and standing as still as statues before jumping to life as a shopper looked too closely at them, scaring quite a few people along the way.  Tony helped the girls to climb up on top of Bucky's shoulders, building a human totem pole before sprawling himself on the ground like he had fallen off the top of it.

 

"Wow, children performance art," Darcy said breathlessly.  She was flushed in the face, having zipped through trying on an entire wardrobe in a very short amount of time.  She blew out a breath through ruby lips and Steve's eyes dropped to the flush on her cheeks that bloomed when he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in tight.  "Uhm, if you need anything here, I'll do kid duty, and you go grab what you need."

 

"Someone from headquarters orders me shirts when I need them," Steve shrugged.

 

"A troll from headquarters orders them," Darcy mumbled.  Seriously, she'd like to strangle and also bake a cake for the lackey who ordered the man's incredibly tight shirts.  She muttered something under her breath, that Steve totally heard, about being able to draw his nipples from memory at this point.

 

He couldn't help but take some kind of comfort that she was affected by his body as much as he was by hers.  It was incredibly convenient.  But also, very flattering.  She was a dish and a half, but she found him attractive.  There was something very soothing to his ego there.  He hauled her closer into his body and let his lips fall on her temple.

 

"You're adorable," he promised her.

 

"Oh, yeah, okay," Darcy nodded.  She took a deep, steadying breath before aiming a smile up at him.  "I believe we promised them candy and toys, Pappy Steve.  Let's go before they knock over a ---"

 

Tony managed to completely barrel into a mannequin as he rushed around in circles trying to terrorize Natasha and failing.  

 

"Woops."

 

* * *

 

 

Bucky was being a little shit.

 

Steve knew that.

 

He didn't know where he got it from.  But he supposed, when he thought about it, he had earned the right.  

 

He and Steve had grown up during the Great Depression.  Their respective single mothers had scrimped and saved and fought like hell to provide them with one simple, single toy every Christmas.  And Bucky had always loved the toy so hard that it was literally worn straight through by the time the next toy came.

 

He'd been a good boy back in the 20's and 30's though.  He had never demanded more.  Even when they'd started bringing pennies home from hard work and labor, Bucky's pennies always went into buying a loaf of bread or a scrap of meat.  He'd never spent the money on himself.  

 

So this version of Bucky, with an unlimited budget and an absolutely over indulgent Darcy, had absolutely no problem with loading the cart with all the toys he could possibly want.  

 

"That's a girl's toy!" Tony disputed as Bucky carefully pushed a big box of Disney Princess Dolls into the cart.  

 

"They're pretty," Bucky shrugged.

 

"Yeah, cause it's for girls," Tony told him.

 

"Who cares?" Bucky gave Tony an unimpressed look.  "I like lookin' at pretty things.  Pretty girls 'specially.  'Sides, I can use 'em to make Nats laugh."

 

"Look at my little feminist," Darcy cooed at Bucky and gave him an extra big hug right there in the middle of the store.

 

Steve rolled his eyes as Bucky waggled his eyebrows at Steve before placing his cheek on Darcy's bosom with a dreamy little sigh.  

 

Tony, the little shit, came up to the cart with a big pink and purple box and showed it off to Darcy.

 

"I used to have an Easy Bake Oven too!" Darcy said in excitement before placing the box in the nearly overflowing cart.  She knelt back down and gave a hug to Tony as well.

 

"I'm gonna make it more powerful.  We'll have cookies and cake all the time," Tony said in excitement.  He threw Steve a wicked little sneer before fairly _burying_ his face in Darcy's chest.

 

"Little shit," Steve grumbled.

 

"Shit, little shit, shit," Natasha parroted as she tugged Steve's hand to go back to the aisle with all the nerf weaponry, that she absolutely needed.  "Tony is a little shit."

 

"Yeah, baby, he is."

 

* * *

 

 

"Steve, I don't understand how you let her get in there!" Darcy sighed as she and Steve stood in the arcade, surrounded by three surprisingly obedient children.  "I had taken Helen to the potty for five minutes and you were supposed to spend only five dollars on tokens."

 

"Bucky and Tony were cheating at skeeball," Steve explained, although he too seemed at a loss as to how it had happened.  "So I went to stop them, and she was right next to me and then she wasn't."

 

"Well, at least she didn't wander outside," Darcy shrugged.  "And we DID promise her candy."

 

Natasha had certainly gotten her candy.  She was currently inside a medium sized crane game in the corner of the mall arcade.  The little glass chamber had been filled to the gills with candy.   But Natasha had managed to make a significant dent in it.  She had three lollipops in her grinning little mouth and her hands were coated in the remains of the chocolate she had managed to pop open.  

 

"I wanna try to use the claw to get her out!" Tony said with excitement.

 

"NO! It'll pinch her!" Bucky insisted in a sudden worry, reaching out for Tony as he ran to the machine.  

 

"She's a tough kid, she can handle a little pinch!" Tony shouted back as he fed a token hastily into the machine and made the claw come to life.

 

"Stark, stop it!" Bucky tackled him to the ground and they rolled around pinching and smacking against each other.  

 

Steve and Darcy both went to pull the boys apart.  Tony was ruthless, and Bucky was restrained with violence, because he still didn't have full control over the powerfully strong metal arm.  To their surprise, Natasha clumsily jumped down to the ground suddenly, having somehow gotten out of the candy machine with little trouble.  She pounced on the boys and soon had them separated, shoving one of the lollipops that had been in her mouth into each of theirs.  

 

"Okay, are you sure we want to do lunch?" Darcy asked Steve warily.

 

"Fancy restaurant lunch!" Helen pouted, looking suddenly distraught at the idea of losing it.  Her bottom lip wibbled and tears filled her eyes quickly as she whined, "You said if I was good we'd get fancy restaurant lunch and and and I was so good! I was good, and they's naughty is not faaaaaaair!'

 

"Okay, Helen, it's alright, sweetie," Steve promised, going for her quickly and picking her up for a cuddle.  "We'll go to lunch now.  Everyone else will be super good from here on out."

 

* * *

 

Famous last words.

 

Bucky was fairly good.  He had insisted on bringing one of the toys into the restaurant, and it had happened to be a small playset of Strawberry Shortcake.  He was currently arranging her little accessories in a little tableau to amuse Natasha, who was sitting well enough in her high chair, mainly due to the fact that Steve kept opening sugar packets and giving them to the baby, who happily ate each one and then demanded more.

 

Helen was sipping at the ridiculous drink that was served in a giant goblet with a big bendy straw.  It was bright blue and filled with little candy fish.  Darcy had cracked a joke about her and Helen drinking adult versions of the very same drink not so long ago.  

 

Tony was.  Well, Tony was everywhere at once.  He refused to sit in the booth, instead, he crawled under it back and forth, then over it a few times, interrupting the early dinner of a very patient, understanding elderly couple who had the misfortune of sitting next to them.  

 

Everything seemed fine.  Until the plates started arriving.

 

"MY FOOD IS TOUCHING!" Helen shrieked out before dissolving into loud, wailing tears as she stared at the chicken tenders that were indeed touching the french fries, which were also touching the little pile of broccolli.  "Moooooooooommmmmmmmmmy!!!!!!!"

 

Darcy jumped out of her seat, upending one of the plates that had one of Steve's many dishes on, the fancy seafood mac and cheese, and it wound up on some of the tinier accessories for Strawberry Shortcake and Bucky suddenly looked distraught.

 

"NO! NO!  SHAWBERRY!" Natasha cried out in distress at seeing Bucky being upset and the lovely toys he had been playing with for her entertainment getting coated in cheese.  "Daddy, daddy help!"

 

Steve nodded and picked up the toys, wiping at the mess even as Tony climbed once more over the back of the booth and wound up sitting next to the eldery man who had just been trying to eat his porkchops and applesauce.

  
  


"TONY!" Darcy hissed.  "Leave the nice people alone!"

 

"I want this applesauce, Mom!" Tony called out joyously as the nonplussed old man gave him a taste.  "Forget the burger, I want applesauce!"

 

"Hey, we're trying to have a nice dinner over there," a very angry looking woman in her thirties said as she stomped up to the booth that the unusual little family of Steve and Darcy's had occupied.  "Can you keep your fucking brats quiet?"

 

Helen was sobbing, face down on the booth.  Natasha was crying in earnest as she reached out for a clearly worried Bucky, who was still clutching the doll to his chest as he watched Steve cleaning the rest of the toys in his glass of water.  The little boy treasured his toys, and he knew it was an accident, but he felt bad that he had managed to ruin them so quickly.

 

"Look lady, maybe if you wanted to have a nice date night, your fella should have taken you to a place that doesn't have plastic menus and a kid's eat free night!" Darcy bit out, feeling a little overwrought herself and not really even bothering to try to find her manners.  Something riled her at having a stranger insult her way with her kids.

 

Helen was now distraught that Darcy was using an unfriendly tone and Darcy bent over and picked her up, allowing her to bury her face into her shoulder.  

 

"Bitch," the other woman hissed at her sharply.

 

"Hold her, Steve," Darcy thrust Helen across the table to Steve.  

 

Natasha had at least stopped crying and her hand was reaching for the steak knife by Steve's plate.  Bucky shook his head at her and she pouted before glaring full force at the mean lady who was interrupting her fun.

 

"Jessie, come on, we're getting free dessert out of it," the woman's date came up to sneer at the young couple with far too many kids to handle.  He looked down at Bucky and smirked, "Kid's a fairy to be playing with girls toys."

 

Several things happened at once.

 

Darcy reached out and stopped Natasha from grabbing for the knife again.  Bucky looked confused as to the terminology.  Helen was placed back into the booth, where she had the presences of mind to stop crying at least as she reached for Steve's new starkphone and dialed someone quickly.

 

"SAMMY I'M SO SAD MY CHICKEN TENDERS WAS TOUCHING MY FRENCH FRIES AND A MEAN LADY IS BEING MEAN NOW!" She sobbed quietly into the phone.  To his credit, Sam immediately started soothing the girl as best as he could.

 

Then Tony launched the plate of applesauce that the old man he had been eating with had happily given him, seemingly with the express purpose to throw at the offensive man's head.  

 

Steve took a hand on the shoulder of the man, using every ounce of self control not to pop him in the face.  Instead, he marched him right back to the other side of the restaurant, with his screaming date following behind closely.  

 

Darcy watched as Steve manhandled the couple back to their table.  He was muttering at them and the look on his face was full of fire and brimstone, even as he kept his voice controlled and low.  She didn't hear much of anything.  But she heard _antiquated gender roles_ , and _derogatory and inflammatory words_ , and _awful bigotry_.  And then, Steve's voice rose slightly as he stared at the woman.

 

"She's the best woman I've ever met in my whole life, and I've lived nearly a hundred years.  Go fly a kite, lady."

 

Steve went to the manager and handed over the heavily abused Stark card, declaring that everyone else in the nearly empty restaurant should have their meal paid for with it except for the offensive couple, who were ignoring their own free dessert and quickly packing up.

 

Darcy was in the process of separating Helen's food, even as the little girl in question was cleaning up the flecks of apple sauce that Tony had thrown.  

 

"Everybody okay?" Steve smiled down reassuringly at the little family he had inherited, all traces of the seething, barely contained anger he had been feeling completely gone.

 

"Thanks, Pops," Bucky gave him a little smile.

 

"Anytime, Buck," Steve smiled.  "Now let's get those toys dried off and eat this very nice lunch with as much peace as we can manage.  Tony?  Stop pestering those nice folks and come over here.  You can eat my applesauce off of this plate."

 

Dinner went by smoothly after that, even if Natasha only managed to eat sugar packets and french fries.  They stopped at one last shop, which was the candy shop, and the sugar packets and her earlier foray into the candy crane had paid off, because Natasha didn't go completely nuts when faced with an entire store full of sugary treats.  She was restrained and they managed to get out of there with only four or five very full, very large bags.

 

"Remind me to ask Scott to set up a small vault in the kitchen that we could put this stuff in," Steve laughed as he put the bags of candy into the back of the mini-van that Maria had delivered to them that morning with a smirk.  

 

Darcy finished strapping Natasha into her carseat and kissed her forehead before the little redhead reached for Bucky's hand and grasped it in her own slightly sticky one before promptly falling to sleep.  Helen was already strapped into her carseat on her own, using Steve's phone to send Sam all the emojis she could possibly find.  And even Tony was on his booster seat, blinking drowsily. 

 

Steve was rearranging a bag full of Darcy's new underthings, trying desperately to stop it from spilling over.  Suddenly the lady in question was right next to him though and she pushed the bags in messily before pulling the back door closed. 

 

Steve then found his back slammed into said door, albeit not too roughly, but with the shock of surprise it took his breath away.  Darcy had handfuls of his t-shirt in her fists and she drug him down at the same time as going up on the tops of her toes.  She kissed him squarely on the mouth and had the patience for a thoroughly gobsmacked Steve to get with the program, but when he did get with the program, it was lovely and passionate and full of heat and promise.  

 

"Whaaa?" he managed to breath out, looking down at her with hazy blue, half-lidded eyes, his mouth quirking upwards in a familiar smirk at his suddenly blessed fortune.

 

"When you said that bit about gender roles, I just.  You listened to me," Darcy felt more subdued now than she had when she had initiated the kiss. She had been harping on Barton a month ago for insisting that his baby son have the red trucks to play with and not the pink and purple cars.  She'd gone off on him and Laura had agreed, and eventually even Clint had agreed and Nathaniel had as many pink and purple cars as he could want now.  Steve had been present for the whole thing, and she had thought he was too busy working on plans of attack and defensive strategies, but he had listened to her.   "I like being listened to."

 

"I always listen to you, Darcy," Steve assured her softly.  "Ever since you came down from that bifrost saying how monsters were going to start raining down from the skies."

 

"Awesome," Darcy nodded, finally letting go of his shirt.  "Sorry.  I didn't mean to attack you, but--- I really like being listened to."

 

"Sweetheart I---"

 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?" Tony yelled.  "I can't go to sleep without tunes, come and start the tunes!"

 

Darcy stepped away from Steve, but he grabbed her hand and pulled it up to his lips, placing a kiss in her palm and feeling slightly stupid for it.  But then he caught the way she beamed a big, gap toothed grin his way and he figured it wasn't such a bad move, really.

 

He gave her another lopsided smile and a promise, "We're going to talk later."

 

"Okay.  Sounds like a good plan."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there is one piece of advice I can ever give ANYONE, it's never, ever, EVER insult another person's parenting skills like that. I've seen fist fights break out at Chucky Cheese. If they aren't physically or mentally hurting the kids, their parenting style is definitely their own business.
> 
> (And seriously, don't go to a family restaurant and glare at the people with the crying baby. That's so not cool.)
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	7. Work From Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! So, I don't know if everyone saw The absolutely amazing [nemhaine42 ](http://nemhaine42.tumblr.com) created [this beautiful art](http://nemhaine42.tumblr.com/post/148660432749/darcy-i-shrunk-the-avengers-by-emma98), inspired by this story. 
> 
> So, work inspiring work inspiring work, this chapter morphed from what it was meant to be originally and became a sort of narrative to the illustration. The artwork is really amazing. I totally adore it. So I had to write what was going on there.

**Chapter Seven: Work From Home**

  


"DISNEY!  DISNEY!!!!!!!!  MOMMY DADDY LOOK IT’S FROM DISNEY!"

 

After their shopping spree, the little family had come back to the base finding that Scott had taken the kid free base and turned it into a raucous backyard barbeque party.  Steve remembered approving Scott's request weeks ago, vaguely, but that had been before inheriting children.  Darcy and Steve had managed to grab some food for a quick dinner for all of them and then hustled the very tired kids back to their quarters.  It wasn't common knowledge that the quartet of tiny tots had been turned into children, it was on a need to know basis after all, and Marie from Accounting definitely didn't need to know that Tony Stark was the six year old that pinched her bottom before running towards the safety of hiding behind Steve's legs.  

 

And Scott's friends had been so enamored of Natasha, giving her little sugary treats in order to get her to do little tricks, like a tiny child puppy.  She'd lifted five wallets, seven set of keys and managed to tie up Kurt with his shoelaces before Bucky had intervened, grabbing the little girl's hand and leading her away from her captive audience.  

 

By the time they got back to their quarters, there was a large box sitting at their door with the Disney emblem emblazoned on it.  Helen had lost her shit then, because as nice as the mall trip had been, there had been no Disney Store and she desperately needed a fix, apparently.  She'd run herself in excited circles and shouts as Steve ripped into the very large box, pulling out a card and reading,

 

" _To Tony, Bucky, Helen and Natasha.  I'm sorry that I cannot come and see you, I'm in Florida, working on securing a few bright minds to work on the situation, but I thought that you might like a few things from the Happiest Place on Earth.  Love, Pepper."_

 

"Huh," Tony said softly, his cheeks flaming red and looking down at his feet in an uncharacteristic show of shy thoughtfulness.  By the time he had looked up again, Darcy was smiling softly at him, and the other kids had torn through the box.

 

It had been filled with nearly every toy you could imagine.  Along with a large collection of dress up costumes and pajamas that were character inspired as well.  The toys were placed in a communal pile.  Steve and Darcy were pretty big on sharing.  They were all allowed a small handful of toys that were their own, but all other toys were communal and meant to be shared.  

 

"COMFY COZY TIME!" Helen announced loudly, taking a tiara off of her head and popping it on Tony's instead as the boy carefully looked through the toys.  The other children quickly stripped and dove for new pajamas.

 

"Daddy, daddy, I really love Disney," Helen chattered up at Steve as he helped pop a pajama top over her head and push it through her arms.  Her hands reverently went to the Frozen cartoons on it and she pressed delicate fingers on each snowflake.  "Daddy?  Daddy?  Daddy?"

 

"Yes, Helen?" Steve smiled patiently at her as he bent forward and held the little clingy pajama pants open and ready for her to step into.

 

"You can fly a plane right?" Helen asked quietly.

 

Bucky snorted.

 

"I can," Steve nodded, turning to look at Bucky with a little smirk.  

 

"Can you---can you take us to Disney?" Helen whispered.  "My boyfriend Sammy said one day when we could get good security we could go.  Afore I got little.  And I wanna go so bad, cause I never got to afore and if I'm real good can we go? Please?"

 

"Pweease?" Natasha stood up after Darcy had swapped out her diaper and put her in a pair of lovely peach pajamas with some kind of Lion King cartoons on them.  "Pwease, less go.  Less go now.  Pwease?  James, pwease?"

 

Natasha went straight for Bucky and reached for his hands, squeezing with excitement.  She looked up at him with a wheedling little grin, big blue eyes round and beseeching.  Bucky smiled down at her indulgently and nodded.

 

"Yeah, please, Stevie?" he added his request.  He looked to Darcy, who was pulling at his pajama top to make it sit right.  "Ma, please?  Can we go?  Helen showed me a video of it on the youtubes.  Looks so fun, Pop, we should go."

 

"Here's what we'll do," Darcy said softly, absolutely unwilling and unable to tell Bucky Barnes no about anything.  "We're going to make a good behavior chart.  And as soon as it's filled up with stars, then your pop will see if he can get us a plane and Ms. Maria will work on security to come along with us."

 

"She's gonna be thrilled," Steve chuckled.  He'd received ten text messages asking what he and Darcy had done to their security crew about half an hour ago.  

 

"But Pepper's not gonna be there anymore, right?" Tony demanded anxiously as he went for the pajamas.  He picked through them with discerning taste, pulling out a cool pair of Finding Nemo pajamas that had comfy shorts.  He popped them on quickly as Darcy began putting together a rudimentary good behavior chart.

 

"Hey, you gotta be good, okay, Tony?" Bucky said softly, almost sounding like he was trying to bribe Tony into doing something the little Stark probably didn't want to do.  "Nats and Hells really wanna go, so we can't fight, cause Ma won't put it on the good behavior board.  Okay?  So no fighting."

 

" _Fiiiiiiiiiiine_ ," Tony huffed out an exaggerated and aggrieved sigh.  He furrowed his tiny brow as he looked at what Bucky was wearing.  Bucky may have had a lot of body heat, but he always wore long sleeved pajama bottoms and tops, really liking to be extra toasty warm while he slept.  He'd apparently picked out one of the only pairs that were long sleeved.  

 

Buzz Lightyear.

 

"MOOOOOOOOM!" Tony called out anxiously.  He pointed at Bucky and said, "Those are mine, make him take them off."

 

Bucky shook his head and ran off to the couch where the rest of the little family were sat on, climbing up right next to Steve.  Tony was quick to follow, climbing up and standing on the arm of the couch right next to Steve.  He pointed anxiously at Bucky and his face twisted with annoyance.

 

"Take 'em off, Barnes! Those are mine!" Tony yelled.

 

"Tony, those are the only PJ's that fit Bucky," Steve said calmly.  "He's a little taller than you now, and you know he likes the long sleeves.  You have ten other pairs of pajamas, buddy, calm down."

  


"It's not fair! It's not fair! THOSE AREN'T FOR HIM!" Tony screeched at the top of his lungs.  "THOSE ARE MINE!!!! AND BARNES IS A STINKY BUTTFACE AND HE'S RUINING THEM!"

 

"ANTHONY EDWARD STARK!" Steve let his voice rise as he gave Tony a look that had come to mean business among the children.  "You need to calm down right now, young man.  You and I can go for a timeout, if you want."

 

"But it's comfy cozy time!" Tony whined.  He glared at Bucky and then turned a plaintive, beseeching look to Darcy, who had Natasha cuddled in her arms and Helen burrowed against her side, her little legs lazily sprawled on Darcy's lap.  "Mom, make him take it off!"

 

"Tony," Darcy sighed, her heart melting a little at the very genuine dismay Tony was feeling.  Helen scooted further into the couch, suddenly miserable as she realized that Tony's outburst wouldn't be winning a golden good behavior star.  Darcy gently placed Natasha next to Bucky, and the little red head wrapped her arms around him, offering little nonsense noises to soothe Bucky's frayed and angry nerves.

 

Steve gave Darcy a nod as she hopped off the couch and grabbed the now sobbing little boy, who had had a very big day, when all was said and done and who could have definitely benefitted from a longer nap than what he had grabbed on the car ride home.  He began sobbing loudly and melted into her arms as she quickly carried him from the room and went towards the bedroom that the children shared.  

 

They'd held off on getting separate beds, hoping very much that this was not permanent in any way.  But the king sized bed was neatly divided into sections.  Helen's was at the top of the bed, and she had a soft pink fleece blanket rolled up nicely next to her polka dotted purple pillow.  Five stuffed animals that Sam had gifted her in the last week were lined up neatly on the pillow, just waiting for her to come back and distribute cuddles.  Bucky and Natasha occupied the dead center of the bed.  Darcy knew that if she put her hand under the pillows and extra blankets neatly lain there she'd be bound to find candy that no matter how many times she and Steve removed, mysteriously it wound up back there.  She had also once found a plastic spork and a pair of kid friendly scissors under both pillows.

 

Once a Russian assassin, always a Russian assassin.  Even at the ages of two and six.

 

At the end of the bed, Tony's messy little nest of blankets and pillows lay.  Black satin of all things.  Darcy bypassed the bed entirely, knowing that if she messed with Helen's order, there would surely be another melt-down to deal with at bedtime.  And she and Steve had different things to do than coax a distraught Helen down enough for bedtime.  Mainly talk about that amazing lip lock they had managed before piling into the minivan and coming back home.

 

Darcy needed a lot of talking to happen regarding their intentions towards each other.

 

Also, she needed more locking of lips to make sure that it wasn't a one time amazing occurrence.  She guesstimated that she needed at least four dozen more kisses in the next few hours.  For science.  Jane would be so proud when she finally got back from Asgard.

 

So Darcy sat on the cushy little stuffed rocking arm chair that had magically appeared in the kid's room three days after the big change.  Tony rearranged himself so that his tear stained cheeks were right on top of Darcy's bosom.  

 

"Hey honey," Darcy ran her fingers soothingly through Tony's black locks.

 

"Those pj's are mine," Tony sniffled.  "I'm not tryna be mean to Barnes on purpose.  But those are mine."

 

"Because Pepper sent them?" Darcy guessed.  

 

"Yeah," Tony said miserably.

 

"And because Pepper might have made a joke to you before about Buzz Lightyear and the Iron Man suit?" Darcy went on.

 

"Yeah," Tony sniffled.  "We were gonna go to infinity and beyond."

 

"Tony, do you think you might want to see Pepper some time soon?" Darcy wondered.  "She's been asking about you everyday."

 

"Nooooo," Tony whimpered.  "I'm little.  And she was mad at me from before.  And if she sees me like this, when I'm all little and adorable, she's gonna just melt, I know it."

 

Darcy bit at her lips to keep from laughing.  Because Tony's words were true.  Pepper would probably just melt.

 

"We fought before," Tony furrowed his tiny brow.  He and Bucky could remember things from being grown up, but it was like looking at something through cartoon colored glasses.  Any trauma from before was sanitized like a children's movie.  "She wanted stuff that grownup me didn't give her."

 

"Yeah?" Darcy nodded.  

 

"And if she sees me little, that'll remind her of that," Tony shrugged.

 

Darcy sighed and cuddled Tony closer.  She remembered a girl's night prior to her and Jane leaving for Asgard all that time ago.  Pepper may have gotten plastered.  She may have admitted that her biological clock had just barely ticked.  She had suggested to Tony that she might like to get a dog.  Just a little step forward.

 

Instead, Tony had gotten her a cactus.  

 

It didn't take a lot to realize that Pepper wanted Tony to retire from the day to day superhero business.  She wouldn't stop him from going out to save people when Steve and the rest of the Avengers couldn't handle it.  But she wanted to be with him more. She had groomed an elite team at Stark Industries to handle the mundane day to day operations, giving her the time to devote to Tony.

 

More specifically, organizing her life in order to start a family with Tony.

 

Obviously, that had not worked out.  And Darcy understood why Tony didn't want Pepper to see him in his current state.  It would certainly be difficult for the woman to see a small little boy that was the spitting image of grownup Tony, when that seemed to be what she had wanted towards the end of their relationship.

 

"Don't wanna make her sad," Tony sighed against Darcy as she slowly rocked him against her.  

 

"You could never make anyone sad by just being you," Darcy said softly, her fingers slowly coaxing sleepiness into the boy as they continued to run through his hair.  "Steve talked about this with you when you made Scott cry a few days ago."

 

"Words can hurt," Tony mumbled the lesson Steve had tried to teach him.  "They can be just as dangerous as blasters and you can't shield yourself from 'em."

 

"That's right," Darcy cooed against his temple.  "So drift off into dreamland and think of happy things for now.  We won't bring Pepper here until you're ready to see her.  I promise."

 

"Thanks, mom," Tony sighed.

 

Darcy felt herself melting a little.  She had noticed that he had been calling her mom ever since the restaurant, but she didn't think it would stick so completely.  A grownup Tony had always joked that Darcy was his long lost daughter.  And now he was a six year old calling her Mom.  Aside from the fact that it was seriously strange, it made Darcy warm inside.  She loved all of her kids, and the fact that they loved and trusted and relied on her?  Well, that was just extra icing on the cake at that point.

 

"Tony, you're going to want to say sorry to Bucky in the morning when you wake up," Darcy said, her voice only semi-stern.  "He didn't know those pajamas were special to you.  And you should have been patient and explained to him why, I'm sure he would have changed for you if you'd have asked nicely."

 

"Alright," Tony huffed out, his voice a tiny whisper as he slowly went slack jawed and went down for the count an hour or two earlier than normal.  

 

"One down, three to go," Darcy smiled, slowly getting up and placing Tony on his portion of the king sized bed.  

 

* * *

 

 

When Darcy finally escaped out of the kids' room, Steve was holding Helen by the door, she was passed out cold against his shoulder.  They shared a silent smile as they switched places, allowing for Steve to place Helen down.

 

"Two to go," Steve smiled down at her.

 

Natasha and Bucky were usually the easiest to put down for bedtime.  Natasha loved to be sleeping by nine in order to be up with the sunrise.  And Bucky was surprisingly obedient and usually fell asleep by Darcy's third lullaby, holding Natasha's pudgy little hand in his right one.  

 

"And then we talk?" Darcy gave him a tilted little smile.

 

"Yeah, then---" Steve nodded.  He shook his head before putting his hands on her hips and hauling her towards him, with a little bit of his actual strength, so that she collided against his chest.  He grinned into the kiss that she eagerly offered.  Darcy quickly popped up on the very tops of her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck.  

 

He felt nerve endings he thought had long been frozen to death flaring and his right index finger twitched against the plush hip he was still holding on to tightly.  She made a lovely little sound as he deepened the kiss and his hands went from her hips to wrapping around her body, pulling her in as close as physically possible, so close that her feet left the floor entirely and her legs just dangled there as he kissed the living daylights out of her.

 

"I like you, a lot," Steve managed to get out, one word between each kiss he placed against her lips.  The feeling of lush, soft curves against his body, warm and lovely in his arms was short circuiting his brain, but he wanted to make sure things were clear between them.

 

"Ditt--" Darcy got out before Steve's lips descended again, and she muffled the second syllable of the word, "Oh."

 

"I like you so much," Steve sighed against her skin as she began to place open mouthed kisses on his jaw.  "I---I---Christ, Darcy, you're amazing."

 

"Thanks," Darcy rasped out.  "Ditto."

 

"NO!" Natasha screamed like a banshee.  "GET BACK HERE! NO! STOP IT NOW! LEAVE 'EM LONE!"

 

Steve dropped Darcy carefully to the floor and pushed her behind him as he began rushing towards the living room where Bucky and Natasha had been contentedly watching movies together.  He ran straight into Maria Hill, who was red in the face.

 

"I just got her off of me, she garrotted me with a piece of yarn!" Maria huffed out as she caught her breath.  She flinched as Natasha let a nerf dart hit her head.  Maria glared at Steve and Darcy and demanded, "You gave Princess Murder Pants a projectile weapon---ow, God dammit, Romanoff, you little shit!!"

 

"Watch your mouth with my kid!" Darcy bypassed Steve and stood in front of Maria like a tiny, fierce protective mama bear.  "What do you want, Maria?  It's family time."

 

"It's---what?" Maria furrowed her brow.  She shook it off quickly and said, "Call to Assemble, Cap."

 

"No," Steve said decisively even as he shook his head in bewilderment.

 

"Cap, the team is currently comprised of Lang, Barton and Wilson," Maria rolled her eyes at him.  "You need to get your ass to Trenton, because I'm pretty sure we have zombies out there."

 

"Zombies?" Darcy gave her a skeptical look.

 

"Animal zombies," Maria shrugged it off.

 

"Really?" Darcy levered an eyebrow at her.

 

"Fine, there's a chicken farm in New Jersey, and the animals are re-animating, I need a team there before they organize and try to take over the closest city," Maria blurted.  "Wheels up in fifteen."

 

"Shit, I have to go," Steve sighed as Maria walked back out into the living room, her ouch more subdued this time as Natasha took aim again. "If we let the _Bird Brothers_ and _Scott-man_ go and handle that, our world is going to be overtaken by re-animated chicken carcasses."

 

"Alright, go," Darcy nodded eagerly.  She reached for him and gave him a more chaste kiss this time.  "Be careful and hurry back."

 

"Absolutely," Steve promised.  

 

Natasha whizzed by the pair of them and ran into the children's bedroom.  She re-emerged quickly with dragging a few things behind her.  Her favorite blankie. The diaper bag that Steve had carted around the mall that very day.  And the new Strawberry Shortcake playset of Bucky's.  She hugged Darcy's legs briefly before rushing back out into the living room.

 

When Steve and Darcy followed, it was to the sight of Bucky changing Natasha out of her pajamas and into the Disney store Black Widow costume that was still far too big for her. He had already changed back into his clothing he had worn to the mall, along with a baseball cap and a small pair of little fingerless gloves.

 

“What do you two little superheroes think you are doing?” Darcy looked down at them with a little smile on her face.

 

“Goin wit Daddy,” Natasha explained cheerfully.  

 

“No, you’re not,” Darcy laughed.

 

“Ma, he can’t do it by himself with the dodo bird brothers and Little Lang,” Bucky explained earnestly.  

 

“You are children,” Darcy reminded him helpfully.

 

“We’re still super strong,” Bucky insisted.  “And I could shoot if I set up the gun right.”

 

“Absolutely not,” Steve said sternly.

 

“You’re gonna get your eyes pecked out by zombie chickens!” Bucky pointed a metal finger at Steve.

 

“I’ll be fine,” Steve was almost amused, but Natasha was now dressed and Bucky was rolling up her pant legs that were entirely too long. “Natasha, Bucky, you are staying at home with your Ma.”

 

“NO!’ Natasha wrinkled her nose at him in annoyance.  “You get hurt, Daddy.  No.”

 

“Nats, baby, I’ll be okay, I promise,” Steve bent down and put big hands on her shoulder and gave her a big, loving smile.  “Sam’s going to be there.  And you know he always has my back.”

 

“NO, Nats always has back,” Natasha argued.  “Nats tells little birdie what to do.”

 

Bucky nodded his agreement.  Enthusiastically.  

 

“I’ll be home tomorrow, no worse for the wear,” Steve promised, kissing the top of Natasha’s head, then leaning over to do the same to Bucky.  “Be good to your mother while I’m gone.”

 

“Nooooooo,” Natasha stamped her little feet once and used the awkward bend of Steve’s body as he smacked a kiss to the side of Bucky’s head.  She swung her little body, a competent Black Widow but in a smaller and more compact form.  In a half circle her body flew through the air and she wound with her legs around Steve’s neck, her arms wrapped Steve’s head and she dug her chin into the back of Steve’s skull.  “Nats goes wif.”

 

“Then I go with too!” Bucky insisted, leaping and wrapping his whole body around one of Steve’s legs.  

 

“Guys, who is going to protect me?” Darcy suddenly came to life, seeing Steve struggling.  It helped that Darcy had seen grownup Bucky and grownup Natasha reacting the same way.  They protected Steve, whether Steve knew it or not.  They only wanted to help him.  But she’d rather go and shoot at zombie chickens herself than allow the children to go.  “Me and Tony and Helen are going to be all alone, no one here to protect us.  What if bad guys come for us?”

 

Bucky looked up at her with distress.  

 

“I need someone to look after my best girl, pal,” Steve smiled down at Bucky.

 

“Oohhhhh,” Natasha made a little anxious noise.  She wanted to rejoice at hearing Steve say that.  And if there was anyone she wanted to protect more than Steve it was Darcy.  She looked down at Darcy and saw that the woman was being truthful.  She did look scared.  Natasha sighed and easily swung herself down and off Steve’s body, no matter it being six feet in the air.  She wrapped her arms around Darcy’s legs and sighed.  “Okay, Mommy.  Nats’ll protect you.”

 

“Thank you, baby,” Darcy smiled at her.  She gave a pleading look to Bucky, but it was for naught.  Where little Natasha went, little Bucky followed.

 

Bucky looked up at Steve sternly and pointed the metal finger at him again.  

 

“You better watch your steps, punk.”

 

“Will do, jerk.  You keep your Ma safe.  And Nats---”

 

Natasha made  raspberry sound.

 

“And Helen.  And Tony.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Bucky nodded.  

 

“I love you, pal,” Steve smiled.

 

“Love you too, Pop,” Bucky nodded before going to Natasha and unwinding her from Darcy’s legs.  She pouted at him and he gave her a wink.  “Let ‘em say goodbye, Nats.”

 

“YES. BYE BYE,” Natasha said in excitement.  She didn’t let Bucky walk her very far away, as she wanted to see her adoptive parents kiss goodbye.

 

“Be careful,” Darcy said softly.

 

“You too,” Steve nodded.  He hadn’t even thought about Darcy and the children’s safety until she’d said something.

 

“We’re not going anywhere,” Darcy promised.  “Base only.”

 

“Good,” Steve nodded.  He gave her a look.  It was full of promise, and want and admiration.  “I have a lasagna in the freezer, all you need to do is put it in the oven.”

 

“No peanuts and jellies,” Natasha nodded.

 

“Kiss me, dummy,” Darcy smirked up at him.

 

“Yeah,” Steve nodded before holding his arms out for her again and kissing her more chastely than they had in the hallway minutes earlier.  

 

“Hmm, okay, zombie chickens.  Go kick zombie chicken butt,” Darcy kissed the tip of his nose before pulling away.

 

Steve nodded and walked backwards out of the room, staring at Darcy with a dreamy look.  He may have run into the doorway, causing Bucky to chuckle with laughter.  Darcy grinned and waved.  Before Natasha tugged on her pants.

 

“Mommy.  Do chickens got butts?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks so much for reading.


	8. Bad Guys are Bad and Dumb and Stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here have some cute violence!

**Chapter Eight: Bad Guys are Bad and Dumb and Stuff**

* * *

  
  


"HI DADDY! HI!  HI! IS NATS. HI!"

 

Steve blew out a soft breath, feeling the corners of his lips turning upwards despite himself.  One of the SHIELD agents on the mission with him gave him an odd look, one full of disbelief and maybe a little bit of annoyance.

 

"It's not bring your kid to work day," the agent muttered.

 

"Hill, send me a new point man, this one is broken," Steve announced into the comm.  "Nats, baby, what are you doing?"

 

"We eat breakies and den brush a teeth and den get dressed and now inna gym and Nats found dis," Natasha explained and suddenly a loud banging sound came through the comm unit as she obviously banged it against something hard.  "Is Daddy okay?"

 

"I'm fine, Nats," Steve insisted.  They had travelled roughly forty-five minutes East of the New Avenger's facility, and had spent the better part of the evening planning meticulously for their attack.  They were five Avengers short thanks to Thor being offworld, and they had to be careful.  The world couldn't afford to lose anymore Avengers.

 

It was daybreak, and Steve had been longingly thinking about how his days had been starting as of late.  He very much missed waking up with Darcy's warm body cuddled against him.  He missed eating cereal with a very small Bucky, combining all kinds of sugary flavors in order to make the leftover milk in the bowl the sugariest and tastiest it could be.  He missed helping Helen make the beds, because while her intentions were always good, her arms were short and she needed some assistance to wrangle big blankets and pillows.  He even missed chasing Tony around his quarters in order to get the little boy to brush his teeth.  

  
  


"You get a bad guy?" Natasha wondered.  

 

"We're working on it, why don't you put the comm unit down and go and find your mother?" Steve wondered.

 

"She okay. James watch her," Natasha promised.  

 

"Honey, it would make Daddy a lot happier if you went to watch your mother with James," Steve admitted.  He knew she wasn't likely to budge so he went to the tried and true, "I'll make sure to bring you back some candy."

 

"Nats help get bad guy," Natasha said stubbornly.  "Go inna back, and dang 'im with a shield."

 

"She's right, Cap," Maria announced over the comms.  "We're getting satellite surveillance now, there's a back entrance, unguarded."

 

"I'm on it," Steve confirmed, taking off.

 

"Dang, dang dang, dangy dang!" Natasha called out happily, mimicking the sound that she thought the shield made when it bounced off of or collided with something or someone.  

  
  


"This is the best damned op we've ever run," Clint announced.

 

"Nats, baby, what are you doing?" Darcy could be heard over the comm as she and the rest of the children found Natasha in the Avenger's locker room. 

 

"HI MOMMY! Daddy dang dang dang!" Natasha chirped cheerfully.

  
  


"Steve?" Darcy asked, taking the comm unit that Natasha was eagerly giving her.

 

"Hi sweetheart," Steve answered as he ran through the cover of trees to get back to the entryway of the building.

 

"Sweetheart?" Sam said in a teasing voice.

 

"Do I need to start teasing you about the nicknames my sweet Helen has given up regarding you?" Darcy demanded hotly.

 

"Please do," Clint encouraged.

 

"Sugarpants..." Darcy said with tinkling laughter.

 

"MY BOYFRIEND!" Helen called out joyously.  "HI BOYFRIEND! HI! HI!"

 

"Tell her I said hi," Sam insisted.

 

"Sugarpants says hi," Darcy offered.

 

"HI!" Helen called out excitedly.  

 

"We should probably let you get back to work," Darcy admitted as she heard Steve's shield connect with something hard, echoing the dang sound that Natasha was still parroting as she climbed up on Bucky's metal arm and let him throw her across the cushy gym mats.  She shouted out a loud _Wahoo!_  each time and when she landed, made the "DANG" sound, so apparently she was Steve's shield and Bucky was tossing her.

 

"It's okay, I can still work," Steve huffed out a small sound exertion and the shield made its sound effect once more.  "I can still work and talk to you at the same time."

 

"Rookie mistake," Sam mumbled.  "Gotta give the lady your full attention, dude."

 

"Hush up, cookiebutt," Darcy ordered.

 

"COOKIEBUTT IS MY BOYFRIEND!" Helen squealed.  "I WANT TO TALK TO COOKIEBUTT!"

 

"You want to talk to cookiebutt, Helen? Alright, here you go..."

 

"HI!  HI COOKIEBUTT!  Hey, COOKIEBUTT?  Why does grownup me call you cookiebutt?" Helen wondered excitedly.  "I don't understand, cause boy butts are stinky.  I mean, Tony's butt is so stinky that sometimes it makes me cry a little, but your butt must smell like cookies and that's why I call you that."

 

"Please tell us, Cookiebutt, please tell us why grownup Helen calls you that?" Clint wondered hopefully.

 

"Go to hell, Barton," Sam said gruffly.

 

"OYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, you said a bad word," Helen scolded.  "You getta timeout."

 

"Yeah, you get a timeout," Maria chimed in.

 

"Sorry, Helen," Sam said genuinely.  He'd been working on the language for her.  It was a point of amusement for him, because grownup Helen swore like a damned sailor.  

 

"You gotta be good or you don't get a gold star for behavior," Helen told him sternly.  

 

"You tell him, Helen," Steve encouraged as he wrapped things up on his end.  "When we come back home, we should make Sam earn that good behavior star."

 

"Oh yes!  We can make him do chores and watch a video bout bein' a good kid and then, and then we can get a star for the chart! Mommy made it already and Daddy, daddy, guess what?  I already got THREE gold stars, cause I helped clean up breakfast and made Nats brush her teeths and then I helped Bucky make the bed!"

 

"That's great, Helen, I'm really proud of you," Steve grinned as he let the shield fly one more time, hitting the control unit in the middle of the room.

 

The room had not been well defended.  The action stopped outside and Steve furrowed his brow to look at the half dozen unconscious henchmen who had badly guarded the large computer and monitoring system in the middle of the room.  He stepped towards it cautiously, definitely thinking that it might be a trap.  There were six monitors on display.  Three of them were showing the facility that the truncated Avengers were currently dealing with.  One of them showed a surveillance camera to an empty, non-descript road.  Another had Steve's heart pounding faster.

 

"Helen, honey, give the comm unit back to Mommy," Steve requested as calmly as he could as he saw the sun rising on the live surveillance of the New Avenger's facility.

 

"Okay, daddy," Helen agreed.  "uh oh."

 

The sound of the klaxons going off was unmistakable over the comm unit.

  
  


Steve winced as the last and final surveillance screen flickered to life and he saw the feed taken from a body camera as it advanced through the hallways of the facility, heading straight for the gym.  They had not left Darcy and the children undefended.  Not by any means.  But the feed from the body camera showed that the attackers had not come unprepared and dozens of Shield recruits and Avengers security members were engaged in combat and most of them were falling.

 

"Hill, we leave now! The base is under attack," Steve roared out as he ran quickly back to the base of operations they had set up.  "Darcy? Darcy?  Can you hear me?"

 

"Mommy's busy, Daddy," Helen whispered.  "Me an Tony an Bucky an Nats are inna box. Mommy put us here. and Nat's no, mommy wants us here, we gotta get our gold star!"

 

"Shit," Steve whispered, and luckily, Clint had one of the quinjets already ready to go as Steve dove into it.  

 

"OYYYYY, Daddy, you swore!" Helen scolded.  

 

Steve nodded and felt his hands begin to shake as Clint took off with the bay doors still open, and Sam was rapidly flying towards them.  

 

"Hang on, Daddy'll be home soon."

 

* * *

 

Darcy Lewis was a lot of things.  

 

  1.  Amazing and Loyal friend.  Thor had commissioned minstrels to put together odes and ballads in her honor.  Fandral had told her that they often brought him to tears.  Sometimes due to hysterical laughter, but they were touching nonetheless.



  
  


  1.  Quick on her feet.  You don't make it through three and a half alien invasions without being quick on your feet.  Darcy was smart normally, but there was something about adrenaline and stress that made her even smarter.  Grownup Helen had tried to test her synapses to get an idea to what was going on up there in Darcy's noggin, but she'd come up short on viable readings.



  
  


  1.  Hellcat in the sack.  But Steve would figure that out for himself a little later.  Let's just say that if the crown prince of the Alfheim northern region had no complaints.  He had also offered Odin a planet in order to secure her hand in marriage.  Odin had glared intensely at the man for a full half hour before walking away.  But yes, Steve was a lucky man.



  
  


Most importantly though, so important that it superseded being on a numbered list, was that Darcy Lewis was heedlessly protective of those things that mattered to her.  Natasha had often joked that had Darcy been born Russian, she'd have wound up in the White Room instead of the Red Room.  The White Room had been very similar to the Red Room in all of it's deadly arts, with one exception.  White Room graduates used their murderous and violent skill set to protect important people, where as Red Room graduates used their murderous and violent skill set to murder and be violent towards those that tried to harm important people.  

 

So when Friday had set off the alarm, Darcy had gone on auto pilot.  She'd rushed the four children, even the wiggly Natasha who was actively trying to get out of Darcy's hold, over to the side of the gym that contained a large,  heavy duty plastic container, about fifteen feet long, five feet deep and halfway full of weapons, both dangerous and mundane.  Darcy put each child in the container before taking the two practice ICER's that Tony had quickly turned on and handed off to Bucky to hand to Darcy.  Natasha made a whimpering raging sound as she grabbed one of her batons and then tried to vault herself up the high wall of the container to no avail.

 

"Stay there," Darcy whispered before closing the lid to the container.

  
  


She'd walked to the middle of the sparring mat when half a dozen attackers dressed in slick black combat gear barreled into the gym that a few minutes ago had been a little fun spot to take the kids to for play.  She didn't hesitate in bringing up the ICERs and taking out the closest two enemies, then quickly setting them to recharge.

 

Natasha was screaming out in a wailing rage now, her frustration causing her to sob as she tried to get out of the box to help her mother.  

 

"MY MOMMY!" Natasha yelled, banging tiny fists on the lid hard enough to move it.  

 

Darcy could just picture the little girl on top of Bucky's shoulders, trying to get out out.

 

"Sup, dudes," Darcy nodded at the remaining four men who were carefully advancing on her.  "Welcome to the New Avengers Facility.  We're sorry, but all the Avengers are currently out of the office.  If you'd like, you can leave your calling card, and I'll be sure to pencil you in for a righteous ass kicking."

 

"Who are the children?" one of the guys demanded.

 

"Last name Business, first name Nunya," Darcy shrugged nonchalantly before letting another icer charge fly.  Her aim was true once again, even at the very furtherest perimeter of the weapon's effectiveness and two more of the henchmen were down for the count.  

 

Jane always said that Darcy could talk down a hellhound on a warpath, and Darcy was certainly going to try.  

 

"Give us the children and we'll let you live," the man promised.

 

"Duuuude, the only way you're getting a hand on my kids is---you know, over my dead body," Darcy offered helpfully.  "Here's a warning, though.  Calvary is coming."

 

"You're right, they are coming," the man nodded and the gym doors burst open again, and he was joined by another dozen comrades.  "Give us the children or die."

 

Three things happened in very rapid succession, which Darcy guessed was a blessing, because lately, when bad things happened, it was often so many more of those bad things happening at once.

 

Firstly, the lid to the grownup weapons toy box blasted off it's hinges with a fireball.  

 

"My boyfriend let me use that once," Helen announced from within the box.  "To light fireworks!  Oh, Daddy, can we get fireworks, please?  If I'm very, very good?"

 

Immediately following the fireball, Tony rushed up into the air, powered by what had once been deemed a broken Iron Man guantlet, thrown carelessly into the weapons chest.  He'd obviously managed to fix it in a very short span of time and he flew up into the air, his one hand gripping Bucky's metal hand, who in turn, had Natasha wrapped around his body.  Both Bucky and Natasha had weapons in hand, the smallest that were available, which were crossbows that Clint had deemed too dangerous for his kids, but just the right size for smaller hands like Darcy.

 

Secondly, a gunshot went off and Darcy felt the stinging pain of it grazing her left bicep and she made a small yelp of pain.

 

"THAT'S MY MA! DON'T HURT HER!" Bucky roared, dropping to the ground in front of Darcy, with Natasha still wrapped around him.  Bucky began shooting indiscriminately, whereas Natasha simply dropped her weapon in front of Bucky before rushing at the legs of the nearest attacker.

 

"Nats, baby, no!" Darcy called out in vain as the little girl rammed her head into the knees of her victim, then brought up a sure and study fist into the groin of the man, having him keeling over in pain.

 

"HERE BUCKY! HERE!" Helen threw more cross bow bolts over the lid of the container she was still, thankfully safe in.  She was also still obviously chatting with Steve.  "No Daddy, don't worry.  We're doing good work, like when we clean up the toys!  Like when we sing the teamwork song.  Tell my boyfriend to stop worrying, I can hear he's swearing and that's so naughty!"

 

Thirdly, lastly, and thankfully, a viciously powerful rumble of thunder shook the rafters of the gym.  

 

Darcy saw the lights from the Bi-frost out of the corner of her eye and realized that her vision was blurring.  She looked down at her arm and realized that the bullet must have been laced with something to knock her or any of the kids out.  She blinked heavily and watched as Bucky made quick work of three of the attackers, adding fun new cross bolt holes in legs and arms and hands as quickly as he could.

 

Tony was whizzing around in some semblance of controlled chaos, clipping attackers with kicking feet.  He got a knee to the head of the man who had shot Darcy and let out a victorious holler when he did do it.  But one Iron Man gauntlet didn't give him a lot of control, so he had contented himself to being the annoying, buzzing fly that was distracting the bad guys from Natasha and Bucky, who were doing the real damage.

 

Natasha had physically climbed another and was gripping onto hair so tight that she was practically steering the man towards another man, where she pushed forward and had them collide in a mess of limbs before she gracefully fell forward and rolled onto the mat, just as she'd done a thousand times before while playing with Bucky.  She flipped a head full of wild red curls up and looked over at Bucky with a big happy grin on her face.

 

The smile turned into alarm as Darcy fell to her knees behind Bucky.  

 

"Mommy!" Natasha cried out, stamping on the instep of someone who tried to make a grab for her before rushing blindly towards Darcy, her little heart hammering wildly as Darcy slumped to a heap of unconsciousness on the ground.

 

Bucky had dropped the cross bow immediately and turned to look at Darcy, his hand reaching for the little line of blood showing through the t-shirt she had thrown on that morning.  It was a robin's egg blue color and the sleeve was rapidly turning red with Darcy's blood.  Grownup Bucky would have known it was a flesh wound and that Darcy's current state was due to something else entirely.

 

Six-year-old Bucky had no idea.  He fell to his knees and put his hands over the wound.

 

"MA!  MA!  Please be alright!" he cried out anxiously.  "Hells how do I stop a bleeding?"

 

"MOMMY'S BLEEDING?" Helen wailed.  "NO!!!!!!!!!  I HAVE BANDAIDS COME AND GET ME OUT! COME AND GET ME OUT!  Daddy, Daddy you gotta hurry, mommy's bleeding and I'm stuck inna box and I don't gots my cradle and on no! I'm too little!  Come home, come home now!"

 

Natasha let out of a piercing shriek as finally the head henchman scooped her off the ground, staring at her in bewilderment.

 

"You are the Black Widow?" he chuckled.  "So small and adorable and helpless."

 

Natasha swung in the hold the man had on her and kicked him square in the nose in two rapid strikes, her little heart lighting up with the sound of crunching bones.  

 

"Little bitch!" 

 

"HEY!  Don't call her that!" Tony yelled, smacking the man in the back of the head with the gauntlet as he flew by.  He looked up at the skylight in the gym and grinned.  "INCOMING! TAKE COVER!"

 

Natasha bit the wrist of the man who had snatched her and she dropped to the ground, landing in crouch before dashing towards Bucky and Darcy.  The skylight shattered, sending glass everywhere, but Natasha didn't care about the little scratches blooming on her arms as she threw her arms around Darcy and wailed against her neck.  

 

"Mommy mommy please wake up!" she pleaded.

 

Bucky was torn between giving into the urge to act just as Natasha was acting, or to see what had fallen through the skylight, so that he could better defend them if he needed to.  He watched as a very large man with very cool blonde hair lifted a big, heavy looking hammer and smashed it against the midsection of the man who had tried to hold Natasha earlier.  He then made quick work of the remaining men before staring at Tony in wonder.

 

"It's about time you got here, Big Kahuna," Tony said irritably.  He pointed to Darcy anxiously.  "You gotta help her, she's hurt!"

 

"Tiny man of iron.  You are much changed since I saw you last," Thor nodded.  He looked towards where Tony was pointing and his face became full of concern as he approached quickly.

 

Bucky reached for his crossbow and pointed it at the newcomer.

 

"Look pal, I don't know who you are, but this is my ma, and if you try and hurt her, I'm gonna have to hurt you even harder, understand?" Bucky demanded.

 

Natasha sniffled and looked up, relief flooding big, tear filled blue eyes.  She put a hand on Bucky's shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

 

"Thor!" She sniffled.  "Mommy's hurt."

 

"Nay, she will be fine," Thor promised, going to Darcy and lifting her up, thereby lifting Natasha up as well.  "Where is the good Doctor Helen?  She shall patch her up swiftly."

 

"I'm in the box!" Helen called out.  "I stayed in the box the whole time like Mommy told me too, even though I wanted to help more too, but I didn't and that means I dependently get a new gold star for good behavior.  Right Daddy?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoooooooooooooor has been added to the character tags. And thank goodness, because I doubt the kids could have taken all of those guys out by themselves. 
> 
> I hope you had fun here today. Thanks for reading!


	9. One Ticket to Cuddletown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has everyone seen that video of Thor and what he did when Civil War was happening? Because...I don't know that I will be able to write Thor in any other way than that video ever again!!
> 
> And this chapter is just one really long scene. I have to be careful about that in the future.

**Chapter Nine:  One Ticket to Cuddletown**

 

* * *

 

  
  


Clint completely understood when Sam had taken off from the quinjet with Captain America strapped to him in his Captain America sized baby bjorn.  The moment the gun went off over the comm units, Sam and Steve had taken off in the hopes of getting to the facility faster.  The quinjet was already making its descent, but Sam could supposedly descend faster.  It might have come at the loss of brain cells due to the rapid decline in altitude, but obviously Steve and Sam were willing to risk it in order to be back at the facility faster.

 

And Clint would never, ever be openly smug to Steve and Sam's face when he got out of the landed quinjet essentially at the same time as Steve and Sam touched down on the ground.  He had told them that he landed a quinjet faster than anyone else could, but that wasn't fast enough, apparently.  Even if they got on the ground at the same time.  So there.

 

And Clint would absolutely not ever tease or taunt Steve or Sam for sprinting into the compound medical facility, where a security liaison had told them everyone would be over the comms ten minutes ago.  

 

Clint knew what it felt like, after all.  To care so much about someone that you'd risk personal safety and brain cells and overall chill to get back to them faster.

 

All in all it had been fifteen minutes since Darcy had been shot and Thor had appeared. There was no answer as to why Darcy was passed out yet, the comm unit had gone eerily silent on the Avenger's compound side, and Clint thought it was a blessing.  He hated to hear Natasha crying and sobbing about the state of Darcy.  Clint watched as Steve outpaced Sam through the halls of the medical facility and rushed towards the room where Avenger's were usually taken for recovery from missions.

 

Captain America busted through the door of the room, knocking it off its hinges and  Clint couldn't help but smirk and shake his head a little at Steve's dramatics.  Clint's mental teasing ceased though when he came upon the room.  Sam had caught up to Steve eventually and he currently had Helen attached to his chest like a barnacle, and the little girl was sniffling and crying.  

 

"I can't make Mommy better cause I'm too small, and I wanna make a new cradle I can carry wif me all the time like a boo-boo zapper, so this kind of stuff can't happen to Mommy anymore," Helen sniffled.  "And Boyfriend, I was so scared cause there was guns 'n stuff and bad guys and alls I could do was give Bucky more tiny fat arrows to hurt bad guys wif and it was awful and I really need a nap!"

 

"Okay, honey, alright," Sam nodded, relief etching across his features as he let the fact that aside from needing a nap, Helen was completely unscathed.  Sam looked down at Tony, who was biting at his bottom lip anxiously.  "Tony, you need a nap too?"

 

"Uh huh, don't want to leave Mom though," Tony mumbled, looking to where Darcy was laying on the bed, unmoving and pale, with a quietly crying Natasha curled against her arm.  Steve was on his knees next to the bed, a shaking mess as he pressed his palm against Darcy's cheek.  "She's okay, right?"

 

"She's going to be fine," Steve promised, although it didn't sound like he was entirely convinced.  It sounded more like a question.  He was whispering, barely heard with the chaos of the rest of the room, but Natasha and Bucky could definitely hear him.  "Cause I can't do this alone, Darcy.  I can't.  And not just the kids.  Just...I need you, and I don’t know if I can ever stop needing you now.  So open up those gorgeous eyes, doll, please?"

 

"Mommy," Natasha whimpered.  She popped up suddenly and teary blue eyes widened.  "Daddy kiss Mommy like a movies do."

 

"Yes, like Sleeping Beauty!" Helen nodded eagerly.  "True love's kiss!  Yes, that'll work!"

 

"Medical professional, Helen Cho," Sam smiled.  

 

"Please, daddy, please?" Natasha begged, clearly desperate for a solution.  Her chubby hand lay against Steve's and she petted at his skin beseechingly.  

 

Steve smiled at Natasha and gave her a little nod before leaning forward just a little more and letting his lips press against Darcy's very gently.  He would never be able to explain the way the relief spilled over him when he heard Darcy let out a sleepy little moaning sound.  It was immediate and all consuming and he very quickly realized that Darcy Lewis was incredibly important to him and he wanted her to be awake and lucid so he could tell her that.  

 

"MOMMY!" Natasha pushed Steve away from Darcy immediately, two strong little hands pushing against his face so hard that he fell back on his heels.  

 

"She'll be out of it for another ten minutes while the sedatives work through her body," a nurse advised as she walked in.  

 

"What is her oxygen saturnation?" Helen demanded bossily, squirming to be let go out of Sam's hold so she could interrogate the nurse that she was usually the boss of.  

 

"Dr. Helen, she's going to be fine," the nurse promised with an indulgent smile.  "The sedative was lower in dosage because I believe it was meant for---smaller persons."

 

Steve looked up at that.  He surveyed the nurse carefully and asked politely, "Please go to Director Hill with your concerns.  Thank you so much."

 

Steve watched as Natasha continued to coo at Darcy and pet at her cheeks as Darcy remained unconscious, but seemed to be slowly working her way out of it.  He reached a hand out and took one of Natasha's gently, surveying small little red lines that looked like they might be scratches on her hands and forearms.

 

"What happened here?" Steve asked gently.  Natasha healed faster than the average human, so the scratches were probably scary little cuts in her skin half an hour ago.  "Nats, you okay baby?"

 

Bucky, who had been silent and standing near the back corner of the room facing the door, using the vantage point to be able to assess any and all who entered, made a small whimpering sound.  Steve stole a look Bucky's way and saw that the little boy was clearly being tormented by the state of Darcy and Natasha.  

 

"It is my fault, Steven, I apologize," Thor said genuinely as he strode through the door to Darcy's room, Mjolnir gripped in his right hand, his cape gone but the rest of him still covered in his Asgardian armor.  "Heimdall had said the situation was desperate for the Lady Darcy and the---children.  So my entrance was through the skylight of the gymnasium."

 

"Nats okay, Daddy," Natasha promised.  

 

Bucky made a small sound again and Steve gave a quick, gentle kiss to Darcy's forehead before standing.  He walked over to Bucky and knelt in front of him.  

 

"Do you want to talk in the hallway or do you need to stay inside with your Ma and Nats?" Steve whispered.

 

"Gotta stay here, please, Stevie," Bucky begged, his blue eyes glittering with tears.

 

"Alright," Steve nodded.  He stood and looked at Helen and Tony, who were surprisingly subdued.  Natasha was still cuddled against Darcy, placing kisses on the top of Darcy's right hand over and over again.  "It is naptime, guys..."

 

"I don't wanna leave my Mom," Tony wrinkled his nose.  "What if those bad guys come back again?"

 

"Tony, you know that I'll protect your Mom with everything I have," Steve promised.

 

"Yeah," Tony looked down at his feet, kicking at imaginary rocks with his toes.  

 

"Tiny Stark!" Thor grinned down at him.  "My dear Jane and Darcy have taught me to build comfortable nests of pillows and blankets before.  They are quite comfortable and Lady Jane can always rest inside of them comfortably.  I require assistance in building one for myself, and you have always excelled at building."

 

"A pillow fort?" Tony blinked up at Thor owlishly.

 

"And blankets!" Helen clapped her hands together.

 

"We could even just build it out in the hallway," Sam smiled.  "So you can be close to Darcy."

 

"Can we name it Softy Mcflufferville?" Helen wondered.

 

"No, Hells, we should name it Poofy Blankiesport!" Tony insisted.  They both began walking out of the room before both children stopped in their tracks simultaneously and rushed back to Darcy's bed.  Steve smiled and lifted each up so they could give Darcy a kiss on the cheek before hugging them both.

 

"I'm so glad you're both okay.  You were both very brave," Steve sighed against Helen's hair.  He did the same for Tony and whispered, "You were such a brave, strong boy, Tony.  I'm very, very proud of you."

 

Tony blushed and scampered away from Steve quickly, clearly pleased and embarrassed and unused to praise like that.  With Helen and Tony taken care of, Steve looked to Natasha, who seemed to know what was coming next.  Steve walked calmly over to Bucky before lifting him up off the ground and hugging him fiercely.

 

"NO, no! POP NO! I gotta watch!" Bucky squirmed against him.

 

"You're okay, Buck, you're okay, pal, I promise.  You don't gotta watch right now," Steve soothed him.

 

"She got hurt she got hurt cause a me. Her and Nats  is hurt cause I wasn't doin' it right!" Bucky insisted.  "I was bad and they got hurt!"

 

"No Bucky, that's not true at all," Steve promised.  Something inside of him broke as Bucky became overwrought very quickly, gulping, gasping sobs coming out of his small body, rattling the little plates on the vibranium arm.

 

"You gotta find a way to make me big again, you gotta!" Bucky sobbed against Steve.  "I can't be so small, what if Hydra found out and tried to grab me to make me a new Winter Soldier again? I couldn't stop em, and they'd hurt my Ma and they'd hurt my Nats and Tony and Helen and you!  I gotta be big again to protect 'em!"

 

"James Buchanan Barnes, you listen to me and you listen good," Steve murmured against his temple.  "None of this is your fault.  You are a good boy, and you did a very good job protecting your ma and everyone else today. I'm so proud of you, Bucky."

 

"If'n I was bigger they'd be safer," Bucky sniffled.

 

"Maybe," Steve nodded.   

 

"You should let the scientists test the stuff out on me," Bucky whispered.  "Any kind of cure or anything to see if it works."

 

"That's not going to happen, pal," Steve insisted.  "When they have something that might work, then we're going to try it on something else.  And when they know for sure it'll work and won't hurt you, that’s when it gets tried on you."

 

"But---"

 

"Buck, I'm not letting you be a lab rat for scientists ever again," Steve swore.  "Your ma won't hear of it either."

 

Natasha sat up at that and climbed carefully off of Darcy's bed.  She then climbed up Steve's body efficiently so that he had no choice but to hold both Bucky and her.  Natasha cuddled against Bucky and pet at his hair lovingly.

 

"Is okay James, Nats can be little and fight.  James too. Mommy okay."

 

"How about this?" Steve offered a solution.  "Daddy's not letting Mommy out of his sight.  She's never gonna get hurt again."

 

"Pop, you can't---"

 

"Bucky, grownup you knows that you can't argue with me," Steve promised.  "Little you should know that too."

 

"Yes, Daddy wif Mommy all the time!" Natasha whispered excitedly.  "kissing and hugging and in da bed and in da showers and inna---"

 

"Nats, hush," Bucky let out what sounded like a little laughing sound at Natasha's eagerness to see Darcy and Steve practically married.  

 

"Do you two want to go help build the pillow and blanket fort?" Steve wondered.

 

"Nah, let Tony do it, he's good at building stuff," Bucky shrugged.  "Can we---can--"

 

"Anything you want, so long as it's not beating yourself up or volunteering for medical experiments," Steve promised.

 

"Can we cuddle with Ma?" Bucky wondered hopefully.

 

"Sounds nice," Darcy murmured on the bed, finally blinking her eyes open.  She gave a little groggy half smile when Steve whirled in a circle with two children attached to him.  She felt her cheeks color at the look on Steve's face. 

 

Relief.  Certainly that flooded through his eyes.  His lips parted at the same time as they lifted up at the corners a little.

 

Happiness was there sparkling in his eyes.

 

His cheeks tinged just a little pink too as something went over him that Darcy couldn't quite identify.  But if she had to, she'd probably equate it with the warmth currently rushing through her at seeing him in front of her, safe and whole and unscathed.  

 

They really needed to have that talk.

 

"Everyone okay?" she wondered.  "Where are Tony and Helen?"

 

"Thor and Sam are building a blanket fort with them in the hall," Steve explained quickly.  "Everyone is okay."

 

"Awww,  they’re building a cuddletown? That's my job," Darcy wiggled in bed even as Steve approached her, two children still in his arms.  She smiled softly when Steve unloaded his tiny cargo and she sighed happily when Natasha cuddled against one side and Bucky cuddled against her other.

 

"Sorry, ma," Bucky whispered.

 

"Bucky, there's nothing to be sorry for," Darcy insisted.  "You did a great job protecting us."

 

"Love you, mommy," Natasha gave her a smacking kiss on the cheek before settling on the bed better.   "Nats sleep now."

 

"Okay baby, you sleep," Darcy looked over at Steve, who was still in his uniform, sitting on the very edge of the bed, staring down at her in wonder.

 

"Love you, ma," Bucky whispered.

 

"I love you, too, Bucky," Darcy kissed the top of his head.  

 

Steve inhaled a small, audible breath before he very quickly lay himself down on the bed, squashing against Bucky and reaching a long arm around the trio.  He pulled the three of them all to his chest and felt as if his heart would explode at the feelings pounding right on through it.  Natasha was out like a contented little light quickly, but Bucky was still stubbornly blinking against sleep.

 

"Hey," Darcy whispered above Bucky's head, smiling at Steve.

 

"Hey," he smiled back at her.

 

"So..."

 

"We're together now," Steve said bluntly.  He blushed and shrugged when Bucky snorted sleepily.  "I mean, we're together now?  I mean to say---you're---"

 

"I'm your best girl, Steven Grant Rogers," Darcy smiled at him.  "And you're my favorite fella."

 

"I'm your favorite fella," Bucky mumbled.

 

"It's a three way tie, because I really like Tony too," Darcy promised.

 

"Good," Steve grinned at her.  "I'd like to take you out on a date when things settle a little?"

 

"To a flicker? Taught you better than that," Bucky teased, although his words were slurred and drowsy.

 

"To dinner," Steve clarified. "Somewhere nice?"

 

"Hmmm," Darcy nodded.  "I'm not waiting for our kids to grow up to date you, Steve."

 

"Alright," Steve couldn't help but smile at that eager thought.

 

"So, how about a picnic? On the grounds?  We'll get babysitters," Darcy suggested.

 

"I don't need 'em," Bucky sleepily argued.

 

"Thor could take Bucky flying?" Darcy suggested.  

  
  


"Yes, good, date my Ma," Bucky nodded as his eyes slipped shut to small little dreams of flying way up high.

 

Speak of the devil, Thor opened the door to Darcy's room, giving the current cuddle pile of Steve, Darcy, Bucky and Natasha a curious glance before shrugging.  His arms were full of pillows taken from other patient rooms and he had a bed sheet where his cape normally went.  

 

"I know how you adore cuddletowns, Lady Darcy, so we shall build the fort to expand into your room now!"

 

Natasha sat up right very quickly and launched a spork that Darcy had not known had been placed under her pillow at Thor.  It clattered against the chestplate to his armor harmlessly and fell to the floor.

 

"NATS SLEEPIN' SHUSH BIG FAT HEAD!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the brief blip of action and plot might be over and we can go into another five chapters of ridiculous fluff as the dating begins!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	10. Dream Date, Rated G

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for outlandish ridiculousness? Because I have some for you, if you'd like?

 

**Chapter Ten:  Dream Date, Rated G**

 

* * *

 

“Darcy, you’re free to go,” the nurse announced cheerfully as she swept into the room about five hours after the attack.  The children had spent a good amount of time napping in Softy McBlankiesport with Thor once it had been constructed, then disappeared with him for a short amount of time.  

 

“What took so long?  We have to get the kids fed,” Darcy sighed as Steve hovered very close to her.  He’d not left her the whole time she’d been in the medical wing.  It was sweet, but just a little annoying.  

 

Especially when Maria Hill had video conferenced him for a debrief on the zombie mutant chickens.  Sharon had stopped by in person for a mostly awkward visit to get papers signed off on to approve bringing in some of Charles Xavier’s people.  And when the great purple one had phased through the door to ask Steve if he would approve Wanda and Vision going to Tibet to visit a rumored mystic who might be able to assist, Darcy had lost it and banned any other visitors from her room.

 

For his part Steve had taken his phone and attempted to flush it down the toilet in the private room’s ensuite in order to allow himself and Darcy some peace.  It had gone unspoken, but it appeared that Thor had taken the children for a spin, and both Darcy and Steve intrinsically knew that they were safe with the Asgardian.  Once visitors had been banned and the phone had mostly been flushed, Steve lay back down next to Darcy and pulled her into his arms, allowing himself the liberty of snuggling against her indiscriminately.  

 

He was out like a light five minutes into said snuggling and had been snoring like a log in Darcy’s ear ever since.  And it said something to how much she liked him that she didn’t mind one bit.  She was actually kind of flattered that he could be so relaxed around her.  Steve wasn’t the kind of man to let his guard down easily, and his nearly boneless body heavy against her uninjured arm, the large hand resting on her opposite hip showed just how relaxed he was.

 

And Steve was truly an adorable snorer.  

 

“Well, we had to clear a path in Softy McBlankietowne,” the nurse explained glibly.

 

“What?” Steve finally woke, sitting straight up immediately, looking ready to fight and defend as he angled his body in front of Darcy’s.  Her hand on his back, rubbing up and down had him nearly boneless again and he woke up to his surroundings a little.  “Where are the kids?”

 

“Hi Daddy! Did you have a nice nap?” Helen chirped as she skipped inside, followed by the other three children, looking windswept and rosy cheeked.  “My boyfriend took me flying and then Uncle Thor took Bucky and Tony and Natasha and---wait, are you getting disbarred?”

 

“Discharged, yes,” the nurse smiled down at her boss.  

 

“Oh.  Okay,” Helen nodded and turned to face Natasha and Bucky.  “Team meeting!”

  
Tony angles his head into the other three children and listened to whatever Helen was excitedly whispering about.  At one point, the nurse caught wind of a particularly excited whisper and suddenly Tony and Bucky were off like a rocket to do something with happy looks of excitement on their faces.  

 

“Dr. Helen...I don’t---” the nurse began.

 

“I’m technologically your boss, amember?” Helen put little hands on little hips and stared up at the nurse with a delightfully smug look on her face.

 

The nurse sighed and looked to Steve. “I’m getting a raise right?”

 

“Huge,” Steve nodded, he looked at Helen with an arched brow.  “Helen, you’re allowed to to be a strong, decisive---”

 

“Bossy,” Darcy gave her a wink.

 

“Little girl,” Steve finished.  “ _But_ , you still have to be polite while you’re doing it.”

 

Helen nodded and looked back up at the nurse with a friendly, sunshiney smile and said, “I’m technologically your boss, amember _please_?”

 

“Huge raise,” the nurse nodded.  

 

“Huge,” Steve nodded.  “We’re free to go?”

 

“Ah ah ah,” Helen interrupted.  “My medical wing, my rules.”

 

“Helen, no!” Darcy whispered.

 

She’d thought it had been hilarious when grown up Helen had told her the rules of her medical wing.  First off, any Avenger coming back from the field had to be checked for injury.  There was a quinjet landing pad on the roof, and they went one at a time through a room that scanned them for injury.  Anyone who scanned as having trauma was locked in the room until Helen could get them treated.  

 

And then, most importantly, (and Steve suspected it was a move to show dominance over the Avengers), the injured was not allowed to walk, no matter the injury.  The had the choice of a gurney or a motorized wheelchair.  Clint had loved getting injured then, because he always chose the motorized wheelchair/scooter and always drove recklessly throughout the halls.  Natasha had been the toughest sell, and Helen had often given her mild sedatives in order to get her strapped down.  

 

“It’s barely a scratch on my arm,” Darcy refuted.  “I’m not being carted or wheelchaired out of here.”

 

“Rules are rules, doll,” Steve said under his breath, an understanding smile on his face.  He had always hated to be carted around medical, even after his serum enhanced body had knitted together the bad wounds.  “Little ears and eyes are watching you.”

 

“Damn,” Darcy breathed.  She held out her arms to Steve, “Take me to one of the wheelchairs. I think tonight has to be a pizza night after all and we have to do laundry because--- _oh_.”

Her breath caught as Steve scooped her up in his arms, bridal style and his lips pressed against her temple.  She sighed and cuddled against him, before a cooing sound caught her attention.  She looked down towards the front door and sure enough, Natasha was standing there with chubby hands on her blushing cheeks, swaying back and forth and emitting the happy cooing sounds.  

 

“SO CUTE!” Natasha squeaked out.  

 

“She is cute, isn’t she, Nats?” Steve nodded, placing a firm kiss on Darcy’s forehead, causing Natasha to squirm in excited happiness again.

 

“I’ll go and get the wheelchair,” the nurse shook her head in amusement.  Many a nurse had been hoping that Captain Rogers would find a nice girl someday and settle down, and it looked like they might have been going a little backwards about it.  Apparently he just needed to find the kids and the nice girl would follow.  

 

“Nats, Helen, do you girls want pizza for dinner?” Darcy wondered.  

 

“Nooooooooooo,” Helen wrinkled her nose.  

 

“We’ll get them to keep it all separate for you,” Steve promised.

 

“NO pizza, no!” Natasha wagged her finger at her _parents_.  She then immediately began squirming and making her cooing noise again as she took in the way Steve was effortlessly holding Darcy to him like he was a dashing prince and she was a beautiful princess who had slayed her own dragon and now needed to be carted off.

 

The sound of a small explosion didn’t cause Natasha or Helen to flinch at all.  The little girls were placid and smiling as the Nurse came back in the room and pointed at Steve.

 

“Big raise!” she muttered.

 

“Gigantic,” Steve promised.  “What’d they do?”

 

“Nothing, we didn’t do nothing!” Tony insisted as he and Bucky rushed back to the room, looking red faced and guilty.

 

“The wheelchairs are broken,” the nurse reported.  “SOMEONE seems to have sabotaged them.  And that SOMEONE might be getting a rough hand next time he comes through for a prostate exam.”

 

“What’s a prostate?” Tony demanded as Helen winced a little.  “What’s she gonna do to my prostate?!?”

 

“Captain Rogers?  Please...just go.”

 

“I can walk,” Darcy squirmed in Steve’s capable hold.

 

“MY RULES, MOMMY!  MY RULES!” Helen stamped her feet.  

 

“Helen Cho!  I can walk!” Darcy scolded.  “You are gonna lose a gold behavior star!”

  
“That’s not fair!” Tony called out and Bucky nodded.  “She’s not misbehavin’ she’s making sure you follow the rules! That should mean an extra gold star!”

 

Darcy’s face reddened, finding herself caught.  

 

“MOMMY!  If you don’t calm down you are going to make your blood pincher go up too high!” Helen wagged her finger.  “Let Daddy carry you home, that’ll be almost following the rules good enough.”

 

Natasha did her squirmy dance again and put her hands on her reddened cheeks.  Bucky made a little chuckle at her and ruffled the red curls on top of her head.

 

“You little imps,” Darcy turned her head into Steve’s chest and he could feel the heat coming off of her cheeks.  She looked up at him through her eyelashes and said, “Sorry you have to haul me back to the---”

 

“Shhh, it’s my pleasure, sweetheart,” Steve smiled down at her.  “And you have to give it to the kids.  They’re amazingly talented and smart when they want to be.  And anything that has Tony and Bucky working in a team is a good thing.”

 

* * *

 

 

Once inside of Steve’s quarters, _their_ quarters, it felt like, Darcy finally squirmed out of Steve’s hold once he crossed the threshold and looked down at her with his pink cheeks and steely, blue eyes full of wonder and a softness that not very many people had been given the luxury of seeing.  He still held his hands on her hips even after he put her down and bent his head to put his lips gently against hers.

 

“This gonna be happening all the time now?” Tony whispered to Bucky.

 

“Dunno, I don’t think he never had the chance to have a lady, a _Darcy_ so close to him all the time before,” Bucky whispered back.  “Please don’t be a brat, they’re so happy...and I can’t stop Nats from hurting you if you try to mess with---”

 

“Hey, I like ‘em too.  They’re--- _cute_ ,” Tony shrugged.  “And Mom is so nice and I love her lots.  And Steve...he’s the only dude that could you know...deserve her.”

 

“Yeah,” Bucky grinned as Darcy kept trying to get away, and Steve kept making grabs for her to bring her to his lips again.  

 

“ ‘Sides, he’s LOADS better than that yucky guy she used to date,” Tony nodded.  Bucky gave him a curious look and Tony wrinkled his nose in distaste.  “ _Ian_ , he was too young and stupid for a nice girl like Darcy.  Always had his head in a science experiment and never gave her the dates and cuddles and cute little kisses that she deserves.  Like that…”

 

Steve chased after Darcy again, this time picking her clear off her feet once more and laying a big one on her.  Natasha suddenly appeared and began her happy dance.

 

"If some guy disrespected my Ma, we should probably go and have a talk with him," Bucky wrinkled his nose.

 

"YES! Nats smash him!" Natasha clapped her hands together, before looking back to Darcy and Steve and stomping her little feet a few times in an excited little jig.

 

“Gross,” Tony shuddered at the sounds of smacking lips.  Natasha stopped her giddy squirming and pointed a chubby finger at Tony in a threatening gesture.  “But cute, gross and cute.”

 

“C’mon Nats, we gotta get Mommy changed,” Helen whispered.  There’d be plenty of time to watch them place kisses all over each other’s faces.

 

Natasha sighed before reluctantly going to Darcy and Steve and super reluctantly pushing them apart.  Steve looked down at her in concern.  It wasn’t like Natasha to want him to _stop_ kissing Darcy.  

 

“You hungry, baby?” Steve wondered.

 

“No, is time for datin’,” Natasha nodded decisively, pulling Darcy by her shirt front towards the children’s bedroom.  

 

Helen had her hands on her hips and she pointed at Bucky and Tony.  “You gots to get Daddy changed too.”

 

“Helen,” Steve said in a cajoling voice.

 

“Please,” Helen added sweetly, before turning and rushing after Darcy and Natasha.  

 

Steve looked down at the boys curiously, and was about to ask a question when Thor popped his head into the still open door.  

 

“Is it time yet, young ones?  I have the delivery!”

 

“Give us a minute, Pointy Break!” Tony hissed, grabbing Steve’s hand and leading him back to the room he shared with Darcy.  “We gotta get them into costume!”

 

”Costume?” Steve repeated, his expression a healthy mix between amused and nervous.

  


“For your dream date!” Bucky supplied with a suspicious looking little grin.  “C’mon, Helen’ll cry and Nats’ll bash us if we don’t get you changed.  And I don’t feel like getting bashed, cause I think she raided her secret weapons stash in the med ward and I don’t want to need another new arm.”

 

* * *

 

 

Tony had apparently discovered that he had a lot of money, and that he technically had the authority to make Friday order him whatever he could wish for.  So between himself, Helen, Natasha, Bucky and Thor, they had spared no expense in creating what they thought to be the perfect date for their lovely guardians.  

 

“Stop messing with your collar, geez, Pop, you act like you don’t know how to wear a suit anymore that isn’t covered in the American flag,” Bucky swatted at Steve’s elbow.  “You’ll wrinkle yourself before Ma can see you and I’m too little to work the steamer on my own.  But when I’m bigger I need one of those, cause Scott got the wrinkles out of this here suit real good.”

 

Steve smiled down at Bucky.  The little boy clearly remembered that he was normally a very fastidious dresser.  But still, Steve knew Bucky had never worn a getup quite like this.  He was in uniform, but it wasn’t his work uniform and it wasn’t his dress uniform.  If he had to describe it, it would probably be some sort of ceremonial military dress uniform from a few hundred years ago.  

 

He was wearing Regency era fall front trousers, bright blue in color and not at all modest or in the least bit similar to the sweat pants and track pants he had been wearing nonstop since the children became children.  They’d somehow managed to squeeze a blinding white waistcoat on him, _with tails_ , and it felt like the fabric would rip at any moment as it stretched across his shoulders and biceps.  The coat had brass buttons and golden shoulder pads and Steve loved the kids, he did.  He’d be willing to do anything for them.

 

But this seemed like a stretch, even for him.

 

“What am I supposed to be again?” Steve wondered.

 

“Prince Eric from _The Little Mermaid_ ,” Tony explained again.  “Geez, Steve, we watch the movie once a day for Bucky, you think you’d remember.”

 

“Ma always says he was so handsome when he’s all gussied up,” Bucky shrugged.  “She’ll like the outfit.  Oh, here, the flowers.”

 

Bucky put a very large bouquet of red roses and baby’s breath in his hands.  The bouquet was at least half as big as Darcy.  Steve may have been ice napping during the entirety of the eighties, but even he knew that the flowers were a little bit much.  He’d have preferred just giving her one rose.  But Tony was grinning with pride at his selection, and Steve didn’t have the heart to complain.  

 

The door to the children’s room opened and Natasha came bounding out, running to the living room and taking a seat where she could see everything unfold.  She looked at Steve and fairly _melted_ , and Steve decided not to complain about the get up, because Natasha was in heaven at the sight of him and Helen was jumping up and down excitedly at her first glance.

 

“You is so handsome, Daddy, you is _so_ handsome!  My boyfriend is gonna have to dress up so nice when I’m bigger so that he can look as handsome as you!” Helen clapped her hands together and rushed over to the couch to stand next to Natasha.  The boys soon joined them and they waited with baited breath for Darcy’s entrance.

 

“I don’t want to!” Darcy called out.

 

“MOMMY C”MERE!!” Natasha screeched impatiently.

 

“It should fit fine, Mom,” Tony insisted.  “Friday said she had your measurements on record from when I built you the amazing bra for your ginormous cans!”

 

Thor snorted from his place in the kitchen where he was preparing the rest of the romantic meal that he had been commissioned by the children to put together.  He had raided the kitchens of his little used quarters, finding all kinds of important ingredients for the romantic meal.  And the wild rack of elk had been delivered in time and was currently spinning atop a flame he had built outside on the front lawn.  He was more than happy to do so.  Heimdall needed another twelve hours before he could transport Thor back to Asgard to reunite with Jane and Bruce and bring them a new task of finding a way to end the quartet’s childhood.  And Thor had always thought that Darcy and Steve were well suited for one another.  If he had known Steve was ready to find a life partner, he would have certainly suggested it earlier.  

 

“Mommy _please_ ,” Helen whined.  “Don’t make me come back there, I don’t want to be bossy, but _please, please, please_.”

 

“C’mon, Ma, I want to see how pretty you are!” Bucky added.  “Bet you’re pretty as a picture. Please?”

 

It was probably Bucky’s last _please_ that did it.  Steve knew that Darcy was an absolute sucker for tiny Bucky Barnes.  He worried for a moment what would happen when Bucky was larger.  For sure, she’d still probably have  a soft spot for Bucky, but hopefully Bucky wouldn’t abuse it and get her to do all sorts of things to rile Steve up.  

 

Or maybe he wouldn’t mind getting riled.  

 

His mouth went completely dry as Darcy came out, carefully stepping through the doorway around a big, poofy, green, sparkling ballgown.  She was dressed up in the pale green fabric, shimmering under the normal overhead lighting of the standard issue quarters like she was magic poured into the shape of a perfect woman.  Long satiny green gloves went all the way up her arms.  Her bosom was pushed up so high, defying gravity and so prettily on display in the completely sleeveless ballgown.  

  


“We don’t match,” Darcy whispered as she was staring at Steve in much the same way he was staring at her.  In wonderment and delight and with a sort of wry understanding that they were doing this for the four little kids staring at them over the back of the couch.  And the tall Asgardian puttering around in the kitchen.  “You’re Prince Eric.”

 

“Bucky picked out Daddy’s clothes and Natasha picked out Mommy’s clothes,” Helen explained.  “So they picked their favorites, but Daddy couldn’t be dressed as Mulan cause you told us it wasn’t proper to bring weapons to the dinner table.”

 

Natasha nodded sullenly.  She loved bringing weapons to the table.  And also taking weapons from the dinner table.  Butter knives were especially handy, but she’d settled for sporks many a time.

 

“Tiana’s a best princess,” Natasha explained.  Her love for Tiana edged out her own love for Mulan.  The tiny tot appreciated a princess who worked so darned hard.  And she preferred the music, too.

 

“You look beautiful,” Steve smiled as Darcy bit at her bottom lip.  He reached out and tucked a curl behind her ear before straightening up his posture and offering her his arm, the fabric audibly straining at the movement.  “Shall we?”

 

Bucky hopped off the couch and stood at the side, yanking on the arm to position it to optimum watching position.  Darcy gave them a funny little look as Steve pushed her chair in.

 

“Just pretend we’re not here!” Tony called out gaily.  A knock on the door sounded and he fist pumped, “Our pizza is here!  Come in, Lang!”

 

Scott entered with five boxes of pizza and three plastic bags full of styrofoam containers.  He stared at Steve and Darcy as they sat and sipped out of wine glasses full of green koolaid and shook his head.

 

“You guys don’t match,” Scott said.  

 

“TIANA’S BETTER’N  AIR EL!” Natasha yelled, holding out her hands.  “PIZZA!”

 

Scott nodded eagerly, knowing better than to cross Natasha no matter what age she currently was.  He dropped the pizza on the coffee table and turned, ready to high-tail it out of there before he came to a sudden stop in front of Steve, reaching out a hand to cup at a bicep that was straining to bust out of the jacket.  Scott shook his head in wonder, muttered a simple _Un-freaking-believable_ , before meandering back out of the apartment.

 

“Are we eating pizza?” Darcy wondered hopefully.  She had not really eaten any of the food the nurse had brought to her that day aside from pudding cups.  Pizza sounded heavenly, and it was why she had suggested it earlier.

 

“Nope,” Bucky grinned.  “You guys get fancy foods cause it’s a date.”

 

“Pal, you used to have better ideas for dates, even the doubles,” Steve muttered under his breath.

 

“HEY!” Natasha called out, hearing every word.

 

“Sorry,” Steve said quickly.  “This is a lot of fun guys.  You’re great at planning dates.”

 

A knock on the door echoed and Tony clapped his hands together.  “It’s either the ice sculpture guy or the Mariachi band!”

 

“Wait--what?” Darcy wondered.  

 

“COME IN!” Tony called out gaily.  

 

Sure enough, both the ice sculpture guy _and_ the mariachi band came in, and Darcy began to struggle to hold back her laughter.  Because this was absolutely the best date she had ever been on.  The ice sculpture guy wasn’t there to _deliver_ an ice sculpture.  He was there to _make_ one.  He pushed in a big rectangle of ice and set up shop quickly, taking out a chainsaw and having it roar into life.

 

“MAKE IT A GIANT HEART!!’ Tony yelled.

 

“NO A FROG!” Natasha yelled.  “A FROG A FROG A FROG!”

 

“OKAY, A FROG!” Tony screamed and the ice sculpture guy nodded and got to his noisy work.

 

The mariachi band began to play the loudest song it could, but could still barely be heard over the sound of the chainsaw.  Natasha started to inch off the couch, seeing a box full of shiny picks and hammers and chisels.  Bucky gripped her hand quickly and pulled her close to him, shaking his head at her indulgently.

 

“HELLO!  IT IS I, THOR!” Thor bellowed, and was somehow heard over the sound of the chainsaw and the mariachi band.  “I HAVE PREPARED FOR YOU TONIGHT THE FINEST OF ASGARDIAN DELICACIES!  MIGHT I ENTICE YOU TO TRY THE ROE OF THE NORTHERN BANH SLUDGE FISH?  IT IS CONSIDERED TO BE AN APHRODISIAC AND IS SAID TO BE A BLESSING FOR THE COUPLE TO HAVE MANY BABES IN THE FUTURE!”

 

“Uhhhhhhhhh---” Steve blinked at his teammate, who could only happily smile down at him.

 

Darcy laughed at the entire madness of it all.  She had always been pretty adventurous when it came to food.  You had to be, when your boss took you all over the world, and Asgard, and Vanaheim, and well---the galaxy.  She grabbed the fancy soup spoon that Thor had placed a little mouthful of little caviar typed food and popped it into her mouth.  It was _delicious_.

 

Steve blinked at her but followed her lead, grabbing his own spoon and downing it.  

 

“WOW,” Steve grinned at her.  “THIS IS REALLY GOOD!”

 

Natasha had since whipped her shirt off and was stuffing the little bits of pizza that Bucky had torn off for her into her mouth.  Mostly.  She was still covered in sauce. Tony’s cheeks were ballooned out like a chipmunk as he tried to push even more pizza into his mouth.  Bucky was pulling double duty, tearing off bits of cheese pizza for Natasha, and simultaneously carefully eating a slice of pizza with every single topping under the sun on it.  Helen was happily eating her breadsticks.  Every once in awhile taking a delicate spoonful of tomato sauce, or a single pepperoni, careful to keep each mouthful separate.  

 

“This is my absolute favorite place to eat,” Darcy grinned at Steve, and he barely made out her words, but by the blinding grin on his face, it seemed like he got what she was trying to say.  

 

“BOYFRIEND!” Helen called out joyously.

 

Surreptitiously, the chainsaw paused, the song ended and Thor stopped banging pots and pans around obnoxiously just in time for Sam to step into the room.

 

“YOU GOTTA GIVE ME A DATE BETTER’N THIS!” Helen shouted still.  “GOOD LUCK CAUSE THIS ONE’S AMAAAAAAAAAAAAZING!!!!”

 

“Uh huh,” Sam nodded warily.  He looked at the crazy that was currently in Steve’s quarters and nodded again.  It made some kind of silly sense, maybe.  “There’s a horse drawn carriage on the front lawn, right next to the big slab of meat currently _on fire_ , and Hill is about to lose her shit.”

  
“YES, my carriage guy came through!” Tony fist pumped.  He pointed at Steve obnoxiously.  “You gotta name one of your many babies after me, dude.  I totally came through for you this time!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that. I had a lot of fun plotting that dream date out.


	11. Cuddle Alternatives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got hit with the feels here. Sorry?

**Chapter Eleven:  Cuddle Alternatives**

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey handsome.”

 

“Hey yourself, gorgeous.”

 

“Bleccccccchhh,” Tony mimed vomiting on the little circuit board he had scavenged from a lab. He then stopped what he was doing and looked around warily.  If Natasha were nearby, he would have surely gotten a hard object to the head.  As he had received multiple times in the past few days since the best date that had ever been dated.

 

Because really, Darcy and Steve were just so gross with their cuteness at this point.  Everything was shiny and new and out in the open.  Tony kind of had an inkling that Steve hadn’t had a lot of affection in his life before, and now he was like a starving man at a banquet.  And Darcy was the caterer at the affection banquet.  Years ago, a grownup Natasha had cut a debrief short after a particularly harrowing mission and claimed she needed to recharge her batteries.  She’d wound up back at Avenger’s Tower, holed up in Darcy’s apartment for a full twelve hours before she came back out, refreshed and rejuvenated and ready to kick ass.  

 

So it made sense that Steve would just blossom at having the original fountain of affection at his fingertips.  The first day had been a little awkward, but Steve quickly followed Darcy’s lead.  They held hands, they exchanged sweet little kisses whenever the urge struck (it was far too often according to little Tony), and Steve was getting accustomed to what Darcy had called  _ cuddle tackles _ .  Essentially, she would just attach herself to him like a barnacle and squeeze whenever she felt like it.

 

Natasha was in seventh heaven.  Even Bucky and Helen would beam at their de facto parents every time they displayed their affection for each other so enthusiastically.  But Tony was sick of it.  He had been cuddled by Darcy once when he was a grownup.  It had been right after she had come back from Asgard a few months ago.  She’d taken one look at him as he struggled to be around Steve and Barnes.  She’d scolded him about working together for the good of humanity and then she’d pulled him into a private room and just wrapped her arms around his midsection and didn’t let go until he had broken down.  

 

Tony remembered that feeling of comfort, even as small kid.  It had felt unbelievable to just be able to let it all go for just a few, stolen moments.  To feel all the hurt that he had been building up about Pepper, and the Accords, and Rhodey, and Rogers and Barnes.  To have someone pat at his back soothingly and tell him it was alright to feel so cut up.  To validate his hurt and acknowledge it.  She offered no solutions.  She said it would suck but it had to be done, they’d have to work together.  But she’d given comfort and he’d never forget it, even at the age of six.

 

And now his dumb Da---Steve Rogers was soaking up all of the comfort from her.  

 

He wanted a turn too, dammit.  She was his mom now, and he paid her all of her monies, and he should get first cuddle every day.  Tony was willing to share with the other kids.  Natasha was a baby and needed it.  Helen was nice as could be, if a little bossy, but she helped him clean up his toys every day, so she deserved a cuddle or two, as well.  And even Barnes could have a hug every once in awhile, just so he didn’t go all evil and do any more bad things.

 

But Steve was hogging all the cuddles now.  

 

Clearly, something had to be done.

 

Tony let out two little pathetic coughing sounds.  

 

“Tony, honey, are you feeling okay?” Darcy wondered, abandoning Steve immediately and rushing towards the little table that the kids would do their art projects (and Tony would build at his little robotic endeavors).  She put a cool hand on his forehead and shook her head.  “You don’t feel hot, buddy.  You okay?”

 

“Feel tired and icky,” Tony said as pathetically as he could, looking up and aiming big brown eyes at Darcy, filled to the brim with as much patheticness as he could muster.  He coughed two more times, sounding a little more believable that time.

 

“Hey, bud, why don’t you go and grab a nap?” Steve was suddenly there, and Tony scowled at him.  “If you’re starting to feel sick, a little extra rest will do you good, come on, I’ll read you a chapter of Percy Jackson…”

 

“But mooooooooooom,” Tony whined, looking aghast at the idea of cuddle time with Steve instead of Darcy.

 

“You could get Mom sick with your germs,” Steve supplied, reaching down and picking Tony out of his chair easily.  “Good thing I can’t get sick.”

 

“I’ll warm you up some of that alphabet soup that Thor made for us, Tony,” Darcy promised.  “The other kids should be back soon, Sammy only took them to the canteen for frozen yogurt.”

 

“Fine,” Tony huffed out, making a disappointed scowling face into Steve’s chest as he walked him back to the bedroom.  He was placed on the ground and made a horrified face at Steve when the older man brought him a set of pajamas.  Buzz Lightyear this time (a second pair had been quickly ordered so that both boys could have a set if needed).  “It’s only three o’clock in the afternoon!”

 

“If you’re getting sick, being in a nice warm pair of pj’s will make you feel better,” Steve reasoned, quickly pulling off Tony’s War Machine t-shirt.  

 

“But I want to go out and do stuff later, I have plans!” Tony insisted, as he reluctantly let Steve switch out his pants for his pajama pants.

 

“What?  Going out to hit the local bars?” Steve laughed.  

 

“BITE ME STEVE!” Tony shouted.

 

“Hey!” Steve instantly went into full Dad mode.  He lifted Tony up and put him on top of the bed so he didn’t have to bend down completely to look Tony in the eye.  “We talked about the attitude, Mister.”

 

“ _ We talked about the attitude, Mister, _ ” Tony mocked.

 

Steve thought for a moment that he absolutely could not wait until Tony was older, because they were going to go a few sparring rounds with Stark in the suit and Steve was going to knock him around a little in revenge for all the shit the tiny version of him had been giving him.  But Steve’s own mother had never raised a hand to him in all of his years growing up, and Steve would never lay a finger on Tony as a six year old.  So Steve saved up the frustration to be let out at a later date and instead, did what seemed to have worked about eighty percent of the time.

 

“Tony, what’s bothering you?” Steve wondered.  Darcy and Steve had quickly figured out the different quirks of their adopted kids, and Tony was definitely the one that acted out when something was bothering him.  Steve placed a hand on Tony’s forehead and frowned.  There was no fever.  “Are you feeling sick, is that why you’re being a brat?”

 

“DON’T CALL ME A BRAT IT’S NOT POLITE!” Tony yelled.

 

“It may not be polite, but it  _ is  _ true,” Steve said patiently.  

 

“I want my MOM!” Tony stomped his feet.  “Not you! I want cuddles from my mom and you keep stealing all the cuddles away cause you’re a crap faced crap doodle!”

 

“Okay, one, you just lost an hour of toy time for tomorrow, for being rude and insulting,” Steve said sternly.  “And two, you just lost today’s good behavior star.”

 

“NO!  HELL’S WILL KILL ME!” Tony whined.

 

“You should have thought about the consequences when you called me names when all I want to do is help you,” Steve said sternly.  “Now, you had solo cuddles with your mom when the other kids went out with Sam and Thor and then you went to play with your gadgets.”

 

“Yeah, and then YOU came in and cuddled and kissed her and I don’t like it!” Tony crossed his arms in front of him.  “You don’t have to do it all the time, you know.  You can leave some cuddles for the rest of us!”

 

“Tony, there’s plenty of Darcy to go around,” Steve insisted.

 

“NO THERE’S NOT AND YOU’RE GONNA STEAL HER ALL!” Tony yelled irately.  

 

“I promise that I won’t,” Steve smiled at him.  He errantly wondered if Tony were grown how he would have been acting out after seeing the little public displays of affection that he and Darcy had been engaging in the last few days.  Probably a prank.  Perhaps a natural disaster.  It was really probably a good thing that all Steve had to deal with now was some name calling and a temper tantrum.

 

“And then you’re gonna have NEW babies that are all yours, with your perfect jaw and Darcy’s pretty eyes and you’re gonna forget all about us,” Tony pouted further, although these words seemed more raw and genuine.

 

“Slow down, buddy, Darcy and I are dating right now,” Steve shook his head quickly.  “We’re going to have a lot of fun getting to know each other, and going on more dates---”

 

“That us kids get to plan?” Tony wondered hopefully.

 

“Well---maybe not all the planning, maybe you guys can give us suggestions,” Steve said quickly.  Maria Hill was still fuming at the bonfire and horse poop from the date night the kids had planned.  Her patience was hanging by a thread and Steve feared that soon she’d be sending them on a farm, ala the Barton family just to have some peace at the home base.  

 

“Okay, first suggestion, DIAMONDS, Darcy doesn’t like em, but she does like sapphires and she’s gonna love the thing that I got her for you to give to her the first time you mess up,” Tony said quickly.

 

“Tony, you shouldn’t be buying jewelry,” Steve tried to scold, but couldn’t find it in him.  

 

“It’s for my mom, and it’s gonna look so pretty cause it matches her eyes,” Tony nodded in agreement with himself.  “It was delivered this morning and is in your top right desk drawer, you know, cause it’s important to keep stuff like that lying around in case of an emergency.”

 

Steve smiled down at Tony, remembering a few times where Tony was scrambling to find his apology gift he had squirreled away and hidden for those times when big brown eyes wouldn’t get Pepper’s temper down to something resembling a normal human.  Steve hoped he would never need such gifts for Darcy, but even he had to admit, it was probably an inevitability he would screw something up a little bit.  

 

“TONY’S SICK?!?!?”

 

“Uhoh,” Tony muttered.

 

Helen burst into the room like a fireball and ran towards the bed.  Natasha and Bucky were close behind, Bucky holding onto a little brown leather satchel.  Helen scrambled up on the bed quickly before putting two hands on Tony’s shoulders and pushing him back on the bed where he landed with a bounce on his bottom.  

 

“BAG!” Helen yelled out as bossily as she wanted.  

 

“Helen,” Steve said patiently.  “Where are your manners?”

 

“Daddy, C’MON!” Helen turned a little exasperated glare Steve’s way as Natasha jumped on the bed easily and was followed by Bucky, who dumped the bag of medical supplies that Helen had insisted she needed to have nearby at all times after what had happened with the invasion of the facility a few days ago.  She grabbed for a thermometer and gestured for Natasha and Bucky to turn Tony onto his belly.  

 

“NO!” Tony screeched, knowing instinctively that the thermometer Helen was wielding was not the kind that went into his mouth.

 

“I know it’s important to have manners and be polite, but sometimes there’s no time and the injuries are too yucky and they need immediant medical tension!” Helen sanitized the thermometer expertly with tiny hands as Natasha sat on Tony’s back happily, but at least Bucky was absolutely unwilling to aid and abet the medical endeavor underway.  “Sometime you don’t got time to say please and thanks and stuff cause it’s time to kick a sick person’s butt back to being good again!”

 

“I’m not sick!” Tony screeched as Helen went for the waistband of his pants.  “I’m NOT! DAD! DAD! HELP I’m NOT SICK!”

 

“Okay, Tony, alright, buddy,” Steve nodded, taking the thermometer out of Helen’s hands.  Bucky grabbed Natasha and pulled her off of Tony, who turned around immediately and clamored his way up into Steve’s arms.  He buried his head in Steve’s chest and was shaking his head back and forth violently.  “You’re okay, Tony.”

 

“M’sorry I lied, Dad, and m’sorry I was a brat but don’t let Helen violate me, I amember when she did it before when we was big and cause I picked on her bird brained boyfriend, but I’m not sick, I was just pretending,” Tony wailed.  

 

Helen pouted.  She had really wanted to make Tony well again.  Natasha patted her shoulder consolingly.  

 

"Briggs sneezing, less go make him good," the small redhead offered helpfully.  "Take a pemperchure."

 

“My Powerpuff doll isn’t feeling so good, Hells,” Bucky announced quickly.  He knew Natasha could probably get Agent Briggs sprawled out on his stomach, but he didn't want to see and certainly didn't want the girls to see the man's backside.  “She might need to go see the doctor.”

 

“Okay!” Helen cheered instantly, and she went to work on putting all of her medical equipment back in her bag.  The contents were a real stethoscope, at least a dozen anal thermometers, a bottle full of sour gummy vitamins, five boxes of bandaids, and one scalpel, that Steve managed to pick up and pocket before throwing a scolding look Natasha’s way.

 

The baby shrugged at him.  She knew she had been pushing it with that kind of weaponry.  She was sure to find something a little more acceptable to replace it.  Maybe the tongs she had lifted from the frozen yogurt shop on base could be whittled appropriately into something dangerous.  She would have to be extra cute to James so he would do it for her.

 

Steve waited until the children had filed out of the room, before adjusting his hold on Tony, bringing him up so he could look him in the face.  The little boys eyes were red with tears, but some kind of defiance had bled out of his expression.  He looked like he could definitely use a nap.  Steve felt a great deal of pride swelling in his heart.  It was the first time Tony had called him  _ Dad _ .

 

“I’m not so bad at cuddles, am I?” Steve asked.

 

“No, your manboobs are poofy enough for it to be comfortable,” Tony admitted.

 

“So, really, with me and Darcy, you’re getting twice the cuddles,” Steve grinned.  

 

“Yeah, but when we get growed up again, it’s gonna be awkward,” Tony pouted.

 

“Nope,” Steve shook his head.  “Anytime you need a grownup cuddle, and Darcy is busy, you come on over and I’ll hug you proper.  I hug Bucky and Sam all the time when we’re grownups, it’s not awkward.”

 

“That’s different cause you guys are like, three soldiers in a pod,” Tony drowsily mixed up his metaphors.  Steve maneuvered them quickly and soon enough, Steve was sprawled out on the bed, with Tony cuddled to him.  “What’re you doing?”

 

“We’re going to have a nap, buddy,” Steve announced.  Tony had just said something unspoken there.  He and Steve had been building a friendship just a few years ago, and had been doing a decent job of it too.  What had made the spring of 2016 so hard was that he felt he had lost Tony as a friend completely and it had hurt.  And maybe Steve did treat Tony differently than Sam and Bucky, but it was never too late to fix things.  Tony should know that just because he wasn’t a soldier, and just because he didn’t grow up with him didn’t mean his friendship was any less.  “Just you and me.”

 

“Oh.  Okay,” Tony whispered.  “You gonna marry my Mom someday?”

 

“I might have thought about it a time or two,” Steve admitted truthfully.  “But it’s too early for dreaming such big dreams.  Let’s see if we can settle into being boyfriend and girlfriend for a little while, and then we’ll see what happens.”

 

“I think you guys would be nice married,” Tony yawned.  “Mom is the nicest and she won’t let you be pigheaded and stubborn.”

 

“That’s probably true,” Steve agreed, stroking Tony’s hair soothingly as the little boy slipped further and further into relaxation.  

 

"And your babies would be pretty and brave and funny and I'd give them all the toys," Tony babbled.

 

"That's really nice of you, Tony," Steve grinned at the image that played in his head.  A tiny tot with curly brown hair and bright blue eyes accepting truckloads of toys from her Uncle Tony.  He tucked it away for a later date.  He was committed to going slow and right with Darcy.  But the image of it made his heart warm and he would hold on to it until they could make it a reality.

 

“And you make her smile brighter than anything, that’s nice,” Tony nodded in agreement with himself.

 

“I try, and I’ll keep trying, cause I really like your Mom’s smiles,” Steve admitted.  

 

“Do you love her lots?” 

 

“I think that might be happening very, very soon,” Steve nodded.

 

“Good,” Tony mumbled.  “Night Dad. Don’t let the bed bugs bite your aa---butt.”

  
“Good job on the language, Tony,” Steve placed a gentle kiss on the boy’s brow and smiled as he drifted off for a quick nap.  He felt a sort of bone deep contentment as Tony clung to him in his slumber.  He smiled and sighed happily, “Good night, Son.”   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a thought of how awkward it might be when everyone is back to normal. 
> 
> But then, I didn't care. And I don't think Steve cares one bit either. When Tony is grownup again, and he's having a bad day, you better believe that Steve will march right up to him, pick him up and off his feet and give him a bone crushing hug. Cause that is how Steve rolls.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	12. Let the Damned Kids Vaccinate You!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written out of extreme silliness. Please forgive me (and forgive Steve and Darcy a really silly decision that I needed for a plot device). Also please forgive that this wasn't available to you on Monday. I got stuck in a slump.
> 
> (Also, Peter FINALLY shows up! Only because I adore the people who play MJ and Peter).
> 
> Chapter title is a play on the whole "Vaccinate your damned kids" movement.

**Chapter Twelve:  Let the Damned Kids Vaccinate You!**

* * *

 

"Hey uhm, Cap.  Uh---Captain...I---or..."

 

"Call him Steve, Peter," Darcy advised.  She smirked as Peter Parker blushed and hemmed and hawed about how to properly greet the big lug who she had woken up next to that morning.  Steve had been drooling on her face.  Not on her pillow.  On her face.  Her right cheek and temple and the right side of her nose had been covered in Steve Roger’s drool.   Steve “ _I Drool Buckets on my Girlfriend”_  Rogers was not someone to get caught up about.  Darcy patted the teenager on his shoulder and advised,  "And stop being such a scared little rabbit.  Really.  Are you not the same boy who let me braid his hair because I was bored and then learned all the moves to Beyonce's Single Ladies with me and that little, cute and adorable friend of yours?"

 

"Darcy, please, don't let Captain America know about that," Peter whispered.  Peter had accidentally gotten caught up in the alien invasion that Darcy had thwarted.  Then he and his ---friend, Mary Jane Watson had spent some time _protecting_ Darcy as the other Avengers did the heavy lifting.  

 

Peter shook his head at a bemused Steve and said, "It wasn't anything untoward to your- your lady, your friend, your lady friend.  It was just that, me and my uhm, pal, my gal---uhm gal pal, we were kind of in a bad place, uhm, security wise, you know, when you guys were doing that thing with the Asgard alien thing, jeez, what is my life, really?"

  


"How's MJ?" Darcy wondered cheerfully.  "Did she sort out that whole homecoming dress situation?"

 

"Yeah," Peter smiled in a lovely dreamy way.  

 

Steve recognized that look.  He'd seen it in the mirror that very morning.  It was right after he had woken up to see Darcy wiping at her face desperately with the bottom hem of the t-shirt that he had worn to bed.  He looked down and realized it was still the same t-shirt.  He'd forgotten to ask why she had needed it.  He'd been too preoccupied with kissing her good morning, breath be damned.

 

And then one by one the kids had trickled in.  Natasha first, waving her hands at them as she climbed to the top of the dresser.  She reached into a secret compartment at the back right corner that Steve had not even known was there, grabbed a king sized bag of M&M's, plopped her diapered butt down and watched Darcy and Steve as if they were her morning cartoons.

 

Bucky had followed shortly after to retrieve her, and had even tried to take the candy away from her after he'd climbed on to the top of the dresser too.  That had gotten Natasha to start hissing little, lisped words of Russian at him.  And when he'd only smiled down at her with fondness and tried to tell her about cereal and lead her away for Steve and Darcy's privacy, Natasha had tackled the six year old boy, jumping off the top of the dresser and bringing Bucky down with her to the floor.

 

Tony had run into the room then, cackling at Bucky's predicament.  The six year old, former world class assasin was face down on the floor, with Natasha sitting on his back, trying to eat five servings of M&M candies all at once.  But then Bucky had looked up with an annoyed look just for Tony and Bucky's nose had a trickle of blood coming out of it.

 

Natasha looked nonplussed, but Tony had panicked.

 

"HELLS BELLS WE HAVE A CODE OUCHIE BOOBOO!  THREAT LEVEL RED!"

 

Steve had gently unwrapped his legs from around Darcy's and rushed to go and assist Bucky, who didn't appear to be in pain at all, only mildly amused that Natasha had gotten the better of him yet again.  He didn't remember it clearly, but he remembered being the one that taught her everything she knew.  Probably.

 

Bucky had waved off any assistance from Steve, but when Helen had burst into the room, with her little medical bag (now covered in glitter and stickers thanks to Scott and his friends), there was no turning down the four year old who thought she was a doctor.

 

"Lemme corn pack your nose and check for a cone cushion!" Helen had insisted.

 

It was all for naught, since Bucky's serum enhanced healing had already fixed the ouchie booboo.  But then real breakfast had to be gotten, and Steve hadn't had the opportunity to change out of what he had been wearing that morning.

 

But yes, Peter had the look.  The look of _like._   The look of a _lot of like_.  The look of what might possibly be turning into love at a lovely, natural progression.  Probably a little slower on Peter's part than on Steve's.  But Steve could recognize it.  He saw it in the mirror every day now.  He currently had that look on his face right now as he stared down at Darcy as she asked rapid fire questions of Peter, making the boy turn redder and more flustered with each question.  

 

He should probably pay attention to the words going between Peter and Darcy.  But he couldn't help if he was focused extra hard on the way she grinned at Peter playfully, then suddenly had a thoughtful expression going over her face as she stared at Peter warily.

 

"Well, I don't know about that, what do you think Steve?" Darcy turned to Steve, looking at once hopeful and wary at the same time.

 

"What?  I'm sorry?" Steve gave his best guilty smile to Darcy.

 

"Pay attention, dude," Darcy scolded playfully.

 

"I am, believe me, I am," Steve nodded.

 

"Same, man.  Same," Peter whispered.  He had a problem staying totally focused on words when he got distracted with looking at the way MJ's eyebrows did that thing they do.  He gave Steve a nervous smile.  It was a lot easier to talk to Darcy.  Steve was still, you know, Captain America.  "So uhm, me and my friend, my girl---my lady pal, we had scheduled a few work study days up here thanks to Darcy a few weeks ago, and now, you have this thing with the---uhm---tiny Tony and baby muppet Avengers."

 

Darcy shrugged, the name made a lot of sense.  Natasha was like an adorable muppet murder princess.  

 

"And MJ and I, we tried to sit in and you know, maybe offer some fresh solutions for the reversal process, but it's all kind of over our heads, so we're bored," Peter shrugged.  "We were supposed to be working with Tony, but now he's like, tiny.  And not that this place isn't great, I mean, super swimming pool, and the bowling alley is wicked cool, but, we want to be useful or else the whole work study thing goes out the window.  And then we totally don’t get our extra credit, which you know, I kind of need."

 

"So, what do you want me to do for you?" Steve furrowed his brow.  "I don't have any science experiments you can work on, Peter."

 

"Right, I know, and I don't want to do a gym work study with you, because you know, OW," Peter chuckled self consciously.

 

"Did you hurt poor little Peter?" Darcy glared at Steve suddenly.

 

"I didn't know how old he was, he was in a---pajama set with a mask," Steve defended himself quickly.

 

"I knew he was a kid," Bucky announced from behind Steve.  "I mean, he has a kid's voice.  I remember that.  I didn’t hit the kid, ma."

 

“That’s because you’re my sweet angel boy, Bucky,” Darcy answered turning and smiling proudly at him.  "And I love you so much."

 

Steve turned to face Bucky with a playful scowl, but Peter fairly skipped to the tiny version of Bucky Barnes and knelt down in front of him, his face bright and eyes wide with astonishment at the six year old little boy who looked like an exact miniature of the guy he had fought in an airport back in the springtime.

 

"DUDE, you have a tiny little metal arm!  It's still so cool!" Peter poked at the wrist of it in amazement.  

  


"Thanks?" Bucky shrugged.  He knew that the teenager was probably harmless.  He had remembered him being a good sport during the fighting from before.  But he still didn't like people poking at him.  He looked to Darcy for help and she stepped in such a way that she was between an awestruck Peter and a suddenly shy Bucky.  He smiled up at her in his gentle, adorable way and whispered,  "Helen is trying to give people flu shots, ma, and I’m not tattling, I promise, but people don’t want ‘em and she’s getting sad and Nats is tackling them and I want to tackle ‘em too cause it’s not right for Helen to be sad at all.  We're _tryin_ ' to be helpful, so we should still probably get our gold stars for the day."

 

"How did Helen get flu shots to give to people?" Darcy asked shrewdly.

 

"Tony bought 'em for her," Bucky admitted, only looking a little guilty at having given up the secret so quickly.  He was incapable of fibbing to his ma.  "He said people have to stay healthy so they don't get our weaker, smaller mune systems sick.  And it's a nice thing for a n'ployer to do."

 

"True enough," Darcy admitted.  She really needed to figure out how to block Tony's ability to buy whatever he wanted through Friday.  A six year old did not need to buy a state of the art golf cart to _'ride around in with his tiny crew and troll for hotties_ '.

 

"Okay, game plan?" Steve nodded and took Darcy’s hand, pulling her a little to the side for some kind of privacy.  He looked thoughtful and shrugged,  "Helen's gonna be devastated if she can't do her doctoring."

 

"I know," Darcy sighed.  "Do we have any nurses that would be willing to assist?"

 

"Not unless you have the authority to give out more raises," Steve shook his head with a rueful smile.  "Helen's very bossy, and the nurses hate being bossed by a four year old.  And last time, Nurse Ed rolled his eyes at her, so Nats took his kneecaps out."

 

"Shit," Darcy wrinkled her nose.

 

"Shit, shit, shit," Natasha repeated, appearing out of nowhere next to Bucky.  She put her hand in his left one and grinned up at him. "Help Nats hold Barton down for med'sin."

 

"Okay," Bucky nodded.  That sounded fun enough.

 

"Uhm, my friend MJ and I are first aid certified," Peter admitted eagerly to Darcy and Steve.  This was a perfect opportunity for him and he wasn’t going to waste it.  "We could kind of---supervise.  We wanted to help out with the kids for you, you know, cause you deserve a break, and it could count to the original parameters of the work study, cause technically we'd still be working with Tony Stark."

 

"Peter, you have met Tony as an adult, right?" Darcy narrowed her eyes at him.

 

"Yeah," Peter shrugged, his eyes going to the ground.

 

Steve looked at him suspiciously, knowing that Peter was more than likely hiding something.  But he knew the boy was not a threat in any way whatsoever.  And besides, if Peter and his _gal pal_ were watching the kids (with Friday, and about two dozen guards, and maybe even Lang to boot), in one of the scientific conference rooms until Helen could inoculate everyone on the facility grounds, that meant that technically he and Darcy might have some private time.  Granted, it wouldn't be very fair.  Maybe they'd get a picnic lunch and have it in one of the free rooms near Helen’s makeshift vaccination clinic.  And Sam was set to arrive back at the facility in less than ten minutes, so he could also be on Helen duty.

 

"Alright kid," Steve nodded.  "Darcy and I will  get Helen's free clinic set up, and you go out and grab one of those five pound bags of assorted candy from the supply room on the third sublevel, I'll write out the code for you."

 

"Are we going to give candy to people who get shots?" Peter wondered.  "That's really nice!"

 

"No," Steve shook his head in disbelief.  "The five pounds is for Natasha.  You might as well get two of those bags, so you can give out candy to the patients too.  Helen's bedside manner has deteriorated with her age."

 

"Good luck!" Darcy grinned and waved.  "Remember...you asked for this!"

 

* * *

 

  


"She's like a deranged Doc McStuffins," MJ stared down at Helen as the tiny girl washed her hands thoroughly.  The four year old couldn't quite reach the sink, so Tony was lifting her.

 

"That's my lady you're bad mouthing, girl," Sam looked down at the pretty little friend of the kid who wears red and blue pajamas.  

 

"BUCKY AND NATS, HOLD DOWN MY BOYFRIEND HE NEEDS A KNOCK YOU ELATION!"

 

"And your point is?" MJ gave Sam a sassy incredulous look just as Bucky went into action.

 

"Yeah, she's like a deranged Doc McStuffins," Sam tried to dodge Bucky's reach, but couldn't do it anymore than he could have a few years ago when the Winter Soldier had been the one to reach out and grab him by a wing.  "C'mon, man, just cause you're tiny doesn't mean I won't kick every square inch of your ass!"

 

"You can't hit him, he's tiny and adorable!" Peter said, mildly panicked.  He would _never_ hit a kid.  Not even Tony.  Who he definitely would have wanted to hit if he would ever hit a kid.

 

"He's not the one you should be worried about," MJ sing songed, then gave a little mirthful chuckle as she clasped her hands together to watch the fun unfold.  Best school project ever.

 

And just like that, Natasha popped up out of nowhere, her mouth stained with chocolate, and her energy levels through the roof.  She jumped up about a foot off the ground, and Sam got a fist to his gut, expertly placed and forceful as anything.

 

"Jesus Christ Romanoff!  Do you have brass knuckles or something?!" Sam coughed out before Bucky sat squarely on his chest.  “Who the hell bought you tiny brass knuckles?!?”

 

“Duh!” Tony snorted.  It had been one of his best purchases lately.

 

"Turn him over, I want to put the shot in his cookiebutt," Helen grinned as she came over to where Sam was struggling against Bucky and Natasha.  She had a flu shot in one gloved hand and an antiseptic wipe in the other.  MJ happily pushed the tiny little toy cart containing anything Helen deemed she might need in case of an emergency.  

 

The cart held a teddy bear for cuddling, as needed.  Tissues in a Captain America box in case someone got scared.  A pile of stickers for anyone who was particularly brave (Sam was _not_ going to be getting a sticker).  And a bowl full of candy (that Natasha had eaten liberally from instead of her own bag that Peter had given her, that had been squirreled away for emergencies).  And approximately five hundred brightly colored Avengers bandaids (Tony had had them specially made).

 

"No---no, uhm, don't do that," Peter stammered.  He liked Sam Wilson a lot, he was a cool dude even after Peter had kind of kicked his butt.  He didn’t want to _see_ Sam Wilson’s cookiebutt.  "You can't it'll---we---"

 

"We don't have the insurance clearance for cookie butt shots," MJ put in quickly, sounding very much like she knew what she was talking about.  She gave Peter a smile and a wink when he looked at her thankfully, and also like she had hung the moon a little bit.  "We'll get shut down if you do that."

 

"Oh," Helen sighed.  "Okay, _fine_.  I'll put it in his popeye arm instead."

 

"Gentle, gentle, gentle, HELEN!" Sam whined. When she rubbed a spot on his arm clean and then jammed the needle into the fleshiest part of his arm.  She pulled out and gave him a sweet little smile before going to her cart.   "OUCH."

 

"Poor baby," Helen shook her head in disappointment, her words mocking as she popped a colorful, Avenger's themed bandaid on his bicep.

 

"Thor?  Really?" Sam looked down at his bicep, wondering if his de-aged girlfriend remembered how much she used to tease him about her deep and abiding love for Thor.

 

"I don't remember you being such a crybaby," Bucky looked down at Sam with the hint of a teasing smirk curling at his mouth.  

 

Tony had been in the corner of the room, checking a little PDA he had created using one of Natasha's learning toys and some circuitry he had asked Natasha to go and retrieve for him from the locked vault that Darcy and Steve had put all the potentially dangerous things that the kids could have gotten their hands on within their green zone areas of the facility.  The place had been filled with weapons, and half built arc reactors and more weapons.  Tony paid Natasha in candy, and she went in sometime during the night and brought back all sorts of fun stuff for them to play with.

 

"I just had my fancy smart computer check the insurance and we can totally put shots in butts, we're a real hospital here," Tony looked at MJ suspiciously.  "Helen, can you put another shot in Cookiebutt's cookie butt?"

 

"No," Helen sighed sadly.  "Next year, for sure though."

 

"Hey, Nats!  The part for your custom batons is coming soon!" Tony announced after reading a quick email on his special PDA.  Friday essentially took all incoming emails for Tony and put them in a readable format for the six year old.  That included storybook illustrations.

 

"Yay!" Natasha clapped her hands before pointing a finger at the next person to come into the mandatory flu shot room.  It was Maria Hill.  Natasha gave her a slight tilt of her chubby face.  "Sit."

 

"Fine," Maria ground out.  She had no problem working with adult Natasha.  They were actually great friends.  But something about putting Natasha's personality in a two year old body with zero impulse control made Maria want to constantly lock her in a closet.  Grownup Natasha had a little bit of the ability to play nice with others, she at least let Maria believe she stood a chance against her.  Baby Natasha had no such limitations and had no problem letting Maria know that even as a toddler, she was superior in nearly all ways.

 

"Another customer!" Helen clapped her hands, sitting up and going back to her preparation area.  The _customers_ didn’t really have a choice.  The staff members that already knew about the kids and had the security clearance were told via mysterious memo that they had to come in and get their flu shots.

 

"Hi, uhm, Ms. Hill, thanks for letting us come up here," Peter smiled at her.  "I really needed the extra credit."

 

"You have excellent transcripts, what did you need extra credit for?" Maria wondered, not even flinching when Helen jabbed her with the vaccine.

 

"I had to make a deal with a teacher last year, is all," Peter shrugged.

 

MJ snorted.

 

The afternoon wore on, with all of the SHIELD and Stark Industries employees that were cleared to see the children, about forty individuals in all, came marching in one by one and submitting to the flu shot.  They'd seen what would happen if they didn't.  Not many of them were keen to have the Russian murder twins tackling them to the ground.  And they were all pretty sure that child Tony could still technically fire them.  

 

And most of the flu shot _‘volunteers’_  prayed that Darcy and Steve never had actual children to raise of their own.  A four year old doctor stabbing them with flu shots was one thing, but to have a genetically gifted child from Steve " _Fight Me_ " Rogers and Darcy " _Look at what I can do!_ " Lewis would probably be a disaster waiting to happen.

 

Towards the end of the day, Tony had had an interior designer approved for work in the facility, one that could make the little room they had been working in all day an appropriate work space for all of them.  He could have a little lab bench.  Helen could have a small clinic set up.  Natasha and Barnes could have a weapons closet and some kind of torture chamber for people they needed to interrogate.

 

"I think it'll be okay for us not to grow up," Tony admitted easily as they cleaned up for the day.  "If Mom and Dad would let me make a mini-Iron Man suit, it'd be fine."

 

"I want to grow up!" Helen said in horror.  "Cause giving shots is fun, but I get to do more stuff when I'm grown up.  And my boyfriend!  My pretty cookie butt boyfriend!"

 

"Hmmm?" Sam questioned from the corner where he had been doing research of his own, looking into other available scientists that might be able to help.

 

"You need a juicey, your bloody sugar's low!" Helen ordered Sam immediately, rushing to the little catering cart the cafeteria had sent up for the children and their chaperones.  She handed him a tiny juice box with a smile before going back to packing her tools.

 

"I want to stay little," Tony said decisively.  He looked to Bucky and shrugged.  "It's nice, right?"

 

"Yeah," Bucky nodded in easy agreement.  There was nothing about being an adult that was better than being little.  He had Steve and Natasha by his side either way, and that was the deal breaker.  He kind of hoped that his ma would still love him if he was a grownup, but he had his doubts.  He had been a bad grownup.   "I love having a ma and pop, now."

 

"BUT!  BUT!  COOKIEBUTT!" Helen said with instant distress as she stopped packing away her tools.  "I WANNA MARRY MY PRETTY COOKIEBUTT BOYFRIEND!"

  


"Hey, hey, no crying, it's alright, honey, it's okay," Sam promised, going for the four year old and picking her up.   He tried not to focus on the fact that she wanted to _marry_ him.  Hopefully that was something that would translate once he got her aged up appropriately.  "You're gonna grow up in no time, I promise.  We're going to find someone to help us."

 

Natasha watched with a serious, thoughtful face as Sam walked out into the hall with a crying Helen in his arms.  She didn't care one way or another if she was a baby or a grownup.  She liked the way life was now, because Mommy and Daddy kissed and hugged all the time.  She supposed when she was a grownup she might not be able to watch so much, which made her angry.  She opened one of the little cabinets and out poured a little anatomy model.  

 

"GROSS!" Tony shivered as the built to scale model of a lady's lower half fell onto the floor.  It was a lady who had definitely gotten into some kind of trouble too, because there was a baby inside her belly.

 

"Dat's a baby in dere," Natasha pointed as MJ went to go and pick up the model and push it back in the cabinet.

 

"It happens," MJ shrugged.  "We'll explain when you're older.  Probably."

 

"Nats wants a baby," Natasha said decisively.  She looked to Bucky and Tony and said, "Less get a baby for Mommy's belly. Den Nats a big sister not a _litttlest_ no more."

 

"Uhmmmmm," Peter blinked down at the little girl.

 

"They should get married first!" Bucky shook his head at Natasha, patience written all over his face.  "Not proper unless they're married."

 

"New century, doofus," Tony rolled his eyes.

 

"Married an a baby," Natasha nodded.  She pointed at Tony authoritatively.  "Less make  a married for 'em."

 

"Okay," Tony shrugged, pulling up his PDA.  If anyone deserved to be happy and married, it was Steve and Darcy, for sure.  And he had the _best_ ideas for a fun wedding.  "Friday, why do I amember being able to marry people?"

 

"You were ordained to perform marriages by every internet church available, fifteen hundred in total," Friday reminded him helpfully.

 

"COOL!" Tony grinned. He began typing rapidly at his screen, mostly just nonsense types.  "Just gotta get some rings and stuff then."

 

"You're really---you're honestly gonna get them married?" Peter looked down at Tony suspiciously.

 

"C'mon, did you see the way they looked at each other?" MJ laughed at Peter.  She shrugged and said,  "They're already a little bit married, Petie.  Besides, it's romantic."

 

"Yeah, uhm, romantic," Peter shrugged.  He was running out of time and he would prefer MJ not seeing what he was about to do. It was _awful._  But he had to do it.  "Could you go and check on Helen?"

  


"Sure," MJ shrugged, looking a little put out.  The tiny deranged Doc McStuffins had her cookiebutted boyfriend out there with her, she could have stayed in here, but obviously talk of romance and marriage was putting Peter off.  

 

Once she had left the room, Peter turned to face Tony.  

 

"Hey," he said, and he sounded confused as to whether he wanted to be friendly or angry at the little man.

 

"Yo," Tony nodded, continuing to place order after order through his simplified order forms.  Friday put up a picture based on her own algorithms for decisions and Tony either pressed the red _no_ button or the green _yes_ button.  

 

"I wanted to talk to you, and when I came up here, I was gonna be...you know, angry," Peter nodded. "But then you were tiny and adorable, and you want to like, stay tiny and adorable, so, it's got to be this way."

 

Peter reached out and pulled Tony to his feet.  He then turned him around.

 

"HEY!  HEY!  What are you doing?" Tony called out anxiously.   "NATS!  ATTACK HIM!"

 

Bucky and Natasha immediately went into tiny tot murder mode and Peter popped a web slinger out and zapped the two tiny children with a very small amount of webbing, only attaching each of their hands to the wall, wincing and looking apologetic when he did it.  He then leaned over and glared at Tony.

 

" _Go to Europe_ , you said.   _You'll be fine_ , you said.  I _need help, Peter, cause Captain America is crazy and out of his mind_ , you said," Peter was suddenly fuming with easy bitterness.  "I got eighty-thousand pounds tossed on me, dude!"

 

"Sorry?" Tony shrugged.  

 

"AND, I missed two assignments, it's why I needed to do extra credit," Peter huffed.  "AND that cool watch you gave me was you lojacking me and spying on me!"

 

"What are you gonna do to him?" Bucky demanded angrily, straining against his restraint.  He couldn’t remember how he busted free before.  "Leave 'im alone!  Leave 'im alone!   **SAMMY COME HELP**!"

 

"Dats Nats brover, leave 'im alone!" Natasha was tugging at the webbing holding her down.  She stopped for a moment and went down to her little sneaker, knowing she had a spork hidden there since lunch.  

 

"You deserve this," Peter nodded, as if trying to give himself courage.

 

The teenager reached out to the six year old, hands turning him around before going for the waistband of his pants.  He yanked upwards gently and Tony howled with the indignity of the slight wedgie.  Peter then let go, put his finger in his mouth then brought it to Tony's ear.

 

"That's for making me do extra credit!" Peter called out.  "And that's for lying about Captain America!"

 

"HEY!" Natasha yelled, all the warning she gave before she launched herself at Peter's back.  Bucky was quick to follow, knocking out Peter's knees.

 

Sam finally ran back into the room, holding Helen.

 

"What the hell is going on here?"

 

"HE VIOLATED ME!" Tony cried out.  “HE PUT HIS HANDS ON MY UNDERPANTS AND THEN PUT A WET FINGER IN MY EAR!!!”

 

“Parker!” Sam scolded as he came back in with Helen in his arms and MJ on his heels.

 

“If he had been big I would have webbed him to a tree, this is revenge---OW!” Peter winced as Natasha jumped and brought an elbow down on his spleen.

 

“OH!” Helen called out excitedly as Natasha punched Peter in the face full force.  He whimpered with pain and Helen looked delighted.  “Ouchie Booboo, threat level red!  Let me corn pack his nose!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who referred to Helen as Doc Mcstuffins. That inspired a lot of this chapter. Also, me holding a massive football player's hand while he got his flu shot because he's not a fan of needles. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	13. Babysitters Wanted, Must Be Durable and Up for Anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could explain to everyone how calm writing this makes me. Like if I'm having a stressful day, I'll pull up this google doc and write a scene and just, feel so nice and warm and calm.
> 
> Hooray for fics that don't actually go anywhere plot-wise! May you never ever end or find resolution.

**Chapter Thirteen:  Babysitters Wanted, Must Be Durable and Up for Anything**

  


* * *

 

"Where do babies come from?"

 

Darcy sat up completely from her lounging position on the couch, dislodging Steve, who had had his head in her lap as she lazily combed through his hair with her fingers for the better part of ten minutes.  The pair of adoptive parents to four former adults didn't get a lot of downtime when the kids were awake.  In fact they had approximately twenty minutes of downtime after dinner and before nightly rituals began in earnest, and Darcy had taken it upon herself to plop down on the couch as the children watched a movie, pulling Steve with her to lay out the way he had been doing.  

 

She just really liked how melted he became when she did that for him.  Steve had always seemed so rigid to her before they had actually met.  He was a tightly coiled kind of guy when it came to his duties to the world at large.  It gave her a great sense of achievement to give him what little comforts she could.  And while making out in front of the kids was out of the question, and the _other_ way she'd found that she could relax him completely (five days after their hilarious first date planned by the kids) was absolutely not happening with any kind of audience, she still loved making him melt into a puddle of contentedness and happiness and warmth.  So finger combing through his hair would have to do it.

 

He'd had a rough day.  Tony had acted out about wanting a new three piece suit because if he was going to run his business, he'd need to look nice, even if he was a six year old.  Which had meant getting someone into the facility to do Tony's new suit.  Tony had insisted that Steve and Bucky get suits too, which had been odd, but Steve had agreed to it since Bucky seemed so excited to be getting fancy duds once more.  

 

And then Steve had had to go a few rounds with Maria Hill, regarding the planning of a Disney trip for the little family he'd inherited.  It was to be a big surprise to the kids, but with all of the new security threats coming in, Hill had deemed it absolutely impossible.  Steve didn't take well to anyone saying anything was impossible, and again, the thought of not rewarding his kids for good behavior was unacceptable.  Would it be difficult?  Absolutely, but knowing how happy it would make Helen, Bucky, Natasha and Tony was enough for Steve to forge ahead.

 

And of course, there was still the Accords to deal with.  Just because they'd come together and saved the world, again, didn't mean that Secretary of State Ross was going anywhere.  He was demanding to talk to Tony, which was impossible, so Steve was doing his best to placate the awful man.  

 

It did Steve well to know that Ross's tenure as Secretary of State would be ending soon.  It might ease up on the pressure a little.

 

So Darcy did what she could.  Steve was a darling to her most days, attempting to hide how tired or worried he was.  He came back to her everyday (and let her have ten minutes in the bathroom alone) and gave it his all in their attempts to co-parent their former friends.  So she gave him what little comfort she could. (Not quite understanding yet that her just being there and being her was an incredible comfort to him.  Seeing her smile at the end of a long meeting was reward enough).  But he'd never dissuade her from her other attempts at giving him comfort.  

 

The head massage had been very nice.  

 

But it was now over, and Darcy pushed Steve out of her lap, nearly right onto the floor had he not done a pretty impressive twist of his body that had him carefully landing on his stomach on the couch.  They shared a wary look before both watched the kids very carefully.  They'd been watching Stardust, one of Natasha's particularly favorite movies, and Tony had asked the question innocently enough as they saw the baby on the screen.  It was a dangerous question, one that Darcy had been conditioned to take seriously.  Tony had asked Helen, who was the expert on all things medical and important.  Darcy put her finger to Steve's lips so they could spy on the children's conversation.  

 

"A stork brings 'em," Bucky nodded.  And that had probably been what he believed at the original age of six.  Natasha gave him a disbelieving look and he shrugged his shoulders, "But when Becca came I didn't see no stork, I saw a midwife and heard a lot of curse words and then there she was, all pink and squirmy and cute as a button."

 

"Pepper wants babies," Tony sighed.  "But I can't give 'em to her."

 

"Why not?" Helen wondered.  "I can do a reverse base act two me, you'd be able to give em to her."

 

"Cause I'd be a bad dad, I'm not like our dad," Tony shrugged.  His voice was small, which wasn't normal for tiny Tony.  He was usually quite loud.

 

"Das not true," Natasha wrinkled her nose.  "Tony is good."

 

"Sure, sure," Tony waved her off.  

 

"Do you love Pepper like I love my boyfriend?" Helen wondered.  "Like, I love my boyfriend more than new sheets and bubble baths and mommy's special cake she makes me with nothing touching.  And someday I'm gonna marry his cookie butt."

 

"Gross," Tony shivered at the thought of Sam Wilson’s cookie butt.  "I love Pepper a lot, I remember that.  But sometimes it's like, you shouldn't do that cause it's bad for them.  Like when Nats finally ate too much candy two weeks ago and she spewed everywhere."

 

"Nah," Bucky shook his head.  

 

Natasha nodded in agreement.

 

"Nah what?" Tony blinked at him.  Sometimes Bucky and Natasha forgot that Tony and Helen needed a lot of words where Bucky and Natasha only provided a little bit of words.

 

"Nah you can't love someone too much," Bucky said simply.  "Sometimes its all you got.  It’s the only thing to keep you warm, and when people try to take it from you and you forget it a little, it comes creeping in a little and it keeps you safe even when you're not."

 

Natasha put her head on Bucky's metal bicep and nodded solemnly.

 

Bucky's little mouth puckered and moved to the right slightly as he worked through his thoughts.  They were still jumbled and confused from his time as an adult, they didn't fit properly into his world view as a six-year-old.  But he knew.  He knew he loved Natasha very, very much.  And he loved Steve very, very much too.  Even if they were two different kinds of love, they were still so important and they had kept him alive and warm even when he was the coldest and darkest he'd ever been.  

 

"It doesn't go away, the love," Bucky hypothesized.  "It might hide, it might get a little smaller, but it'll always be there in your heart, waiting to come out and get big and strong again.  And it ought to get big and strong, you shouldn't hide it cause you're afraid."

 

"I'm not afraid!" Tony argued automatically.

 

"Then how come your Pepper lady hasn't been to visit?" Bucky wondered.  "Bet she loves you plenty, cause she keeps sending nice toys and things."

 

"Cause a reasons," Tony huffed, his voice going just a little desperate and Bucky knew when to back off for the greater good.

 

They stayed silent for a few moments, Natasha and Bucky communicating silently in that way they did that was only just a little creepy, but mostly just cute.  Helen reached out and took Tony's hand, squeezing it every once in awhile for comfort.  Eventually Tony calmed enough to look to Helen and remember his original question.

 

"So how do you go about getting babies?" Tony wondered.  He didn't let his eyes slide to Darcy or Steve, but boy did he want to.  "You know, for reasons."

 

"Okay, well, first there's love and kisses and love," Helen said in her slightly condescending, know-it-all way that Steve honestly found adorable and charming, but Darcy rolled her eyes at fondly.  "And then, sometimes you get married, but sometimes not, that's not medic'ly neccessisarily.  And then the boy parts go and put special love seed into the girl parts and the love waters it like a garden and then a baby grows there, like a cabbage patch but not as cute as a cabbage patch."

 

"Not so bad," Steve whispered to Darcy who was shaking her head in silent laughter. The kids all seemed to be paying special attention to Helen's explanation, as if they were taking notes.  "I expected something more clinical."

 

"But sometimes, it's like WOOPS on accident and the baby grows anyway, and then the baby might come from adaption," Helen nodded.  "And sometimes the boy parts don't work or the girl parts don't work and then we take working seedmen from a boy and a working flower egg from a girl and we mash em up and then plant them with---"

 

"Who wants ice cream?" Darcy announced quickly.  She didn't really want the four year old doctor to explain artificial insemination.  

 

"YES, ICE CREAM TIME!" Helen called out before whipping her shirt off.  She was so ready for her scoop of plain vanilla with chocolate sprinkles on the side.

 

"HELEN!" Sam called out from the door he just entered.  He shook his head as the other three children quickly followed suit, pulling their shirts off eagerly, with Barnes assisting Natasha in getting it up and off her head properly.  Sam smirked and looked to Steve and Darcy and said, "Please don't either one of you pull your shirts off too."

 

"It's ice cream time!" Helen insisted.  "SHIRTS OFF OR YOU DON'T GET ANY, COOKIE BUTT!"

  


* * *

 

  


Scott Lang had always thought his own daughter was incredibly awesome.  She was brave, almost fearless in a way.  She laughed at spooky things, had declared Halloween her favorite thing as soon as she could talk.  She enjoyed watching the sad parts of movies, over and over again (If Scott had to see first fifteen minutes of Up! again, he would try to jump off the roof, after crying his eyes out of course).  Cassie Lang was a little badass in the making though, that was for sure.

 

And that was why, out of all of the kids, he liked Natasha the most.  She was almost just like Cassie, except maybe for being a little more genetically gifted in physical ways.  Which was why when three days into babyhood, Scott had been kind of happy to have the little girl standing on his chest as he tried to sleep, looking down at him with an assessing face.

 

"Nats need help with safe, Anty come help."

 

And so started a new life of crime for Scott Lang.  That first night she had just wanted to get into the safety vault in their quarters that Steve and Darcy were using to hide Natasha's candy.  And all the butter knives, which Scott thought was odd.  Natasha knew exactly what to do, and gave specific instructions to Scott.  Her fingers just weren't big or coordinated enough to do the delicate tumbler work that lock picking required.

 

She came back each time she needed his help breaking into something.  Giving semi-clear instructions that were warped with the small, toddler speak, but still, each of their eighteen heists had come away clean.  Steve and Darcy didn't know how she kept getting her candy and weaponry back.  They'd checked the security feeds, but Natasha had taught Scott how to loop the feed so their tracks were always covered.

 

Once, after the attack on the facility that had put Darcy in the infirmary, Bucky had tagged along on one of their heists, going down to the bigger, more advanced security vault and taking out a few of his favorite weapons to stash here, there and everywhere so he could better protect the Ma he had come to love so much.

 

So it was odd to have Natasha show up on the doorstep of his quarters with Tony of all people, during the day time, of all times.  

 

"We can't break into anything right now, it's broad daylight and everyone is at work and would see," Scott said quickly.

 

Natasha gave him an unimpressed look that seemed far too advanced for her chubby face.  It definitely said _Stop being stupid or I will incapacitate you_.

 

"Uhm, come on in, kids, don't mind the mess," Scott nodded.  He pointed to the couch, where his three friends were playing the latest game they were all obsessed with.  Animal Crossing for the latest Nintendo platform.  "You guys remember my friends, Luis, Dave and Kurt."

 

"Yoooooooo!  Tiny murder princess!" Luis dropped his remote and rushed to Natasha.  he dropped to his knees in a crouch and held out his arms.  "Give a hug to your Uncle Luis!  He's missed hanging with you girl, you wanna go to the canteen and lift a couple wallets for fun?"

 

Natasha gave him a look of appraisal, as if she were considering both the hug and the offer to go and pickpocket people.  She preferred the pickpocketing if she were honest, but gave the hug anyway and lifted Luis’ wallet in the process.

 

"Dude, Captain America will brain me with the shield if you make his daughter into a street urchin with sticky fingers," Scott sighed out.

 

"Says the man who unlocked a Brown Safe's Chronos thanks to the tiny murder princess," Dave said under his breath.

 

"I can make a better safe than that," Tony insisted peevishly.  "One that Natasha couldn't even get into."

 

Natasha gave him an offended look.  

 

"Okay, one that Lang couldn't get into without your help," Tony amended.

 

Natasha smiled glibly.

 

"Nats has offer dat Anty not refuse."

 

"Uhm?" Scott blinked.

 

"Take the offer!  TAKE IT!" Kurt whispered desperately.  He gave Natasha a wave and an enthusiastic smile.    He was absolutely enchanted with the small version of the Black Widow.

 

"Anty will take your offer," Scott nodded.  "What's the offer?"

 

"Babysit on us," Natasha nodded.  She grabbed Scott's hand and pointed at the Three Wombats, who were all in some kind of confusion.  "Bring 'em, Nats needs a pactice."

 

"Practice for what?" Dave called out as the rest of his cohorts fell in line.  He looked down at Tony with no small amount of healthy worry.  "Practice for what?"

 

"Uhm...would you believe me if I said NOT beating you up?" Tony grinned.

 

"No."

 

"Cool, you're smarter than the others.  You’re my new personal assistant."

  


* * *

 

  


"I just don't think this is a very good idea, Buck."

 

Bucky looked at Steve with as much patience as he could muster.  He'd been trying to pack Steve and Darcy an overnight bag for the last half hour, but Steve was hemming and hawing and dragging his feet with that inhuman stubbornness that was Steve's secret superpower.  Forget super strength, Steve Rogers could stick to his guns if he believed in it better than any other person in the world.  

 

"Do you love my ma?" Bucky asked plainly.

 

"I---well," Steve took a deep breath.  He got a dreamy kind of smile on his face and a far off look in his eyes and nodded softly. "I really, really do.  But don’t tell her that, I want to be the one to tell her when the time is right.  I love her."

 

"Then don't you want to treat her nice?" Bucky prompted, a happy light in his eyes at Steve’s dreamy euphoria. Bucky didn’t think anyone else deserved to be that happy, except for maybe his Ma.  She deserved all the happiness.

 

"I do treat her as nice as possible, she's---she's so GOOD, Buck," Steve sighed.  He wished for one moment, very strongly that Bucky was an adult again.  He'd missed talking to his friend about girl problems.  In the past, it had always been about Steve's inability to tempt a woman's glance.  Then it was about too many women glancing his way when he only wanted Peggy to look at him.  And now, he wouldn't mind talking to a grown-up Bucky about how fast is too fast to move with a lady like Darcy.  Two months into parenthood with their set of children and Steve and Darcy felt like a pair of comfortably married, but still totally in love people.  They found their little moments to indulge in each other, usually after the kids were in bed, Darcy would hurry them into their own small bedroom, turn on whatever news program was playing on the television at the time, then bodily push Steve into bed and climb on board, as it were.  

 

Steve had never enjoyed the evening news so much in his life.

 

But better than the sex, just slightly, was falling asleep with her afterwards.  He was getting some of the best sleep of his life, and he'd spent nearly seventy years sleeping, so he knew what the good stuff was.  

 

He wanted to do it for as many nights of his life as he could manage.

 

"You can't go to Washington DC all alone," Bucky reasoned.  "You get into trouble every time you go alone, so take Ma with you and take her to a fancy dinner or you know, Tony said you could order room service on him, where they give you tiny bottles of ketchup with your french fries."

 

Steve smiled down at the six-year-old version of his best friend as the boy clearly thought of how adorable it would be to have a tiny bottle of ketchup of his very own.  Bucky loved adorable things.  Steve figured that's why he loved Natasha and Darcy and Helen so very much.  

 

"Tony should stop spending his money like this," Steve sighed as he looked down at his overnight bag.  He'd managed to pack socks.  And that was it.  He sighed and looked back to his closet.  Bucky pushed him out of the way and took down a pair of slacks and then pointed to a button down shirt.  "Thanks, pal."

 

"Anytime, don't want you to look stupid when you take my ma out on your arm," Bucky smiled.  

 

"Who is going to watch the four of you if I take Darcy with me?" Steve wondered.  Because he'd be lying if he didn't say having Darcy with him would be beneficial.  She was the unofficial mouthpiece for the Asgardian contingent and she was one of the smartest and most savvy political minds he had come across since General Phillips, who had been very good at dealing with politicians, although it was usually just exhibiting clever ways to tell politicians to cram it up their ass, and get away with it.  

 

He'd like to see Darcy do something like that, actually.

 

"We got sitters," Bucky said eagerly.  "People who know who we are and who you can trust."

 

"Sam?" Steve wondered warily.  "Because he can't be around Helen for more than forty-five minutes without crying a little---"

 

"No, not Sam," Bucky shook his head, a little hint of a smile on his face.

 

"I don't approve of Vision and Wanda watching you overnight," Steve said insistently.  "One, Vision is terrible at managing Tony, he just lets him walk all over him.  And two, they're just gonna wind up making out on the couch while the four of you plot world domination."

 

"Not Wanda or the purple guy," Bucky's smile was growing into a little smirk.

 

“Peter’s still not healed up from the last time you and Natasha beat him up,” Steve reminded him.  It had been a few weeks, and Peter’s nose was still healing from when Natasha had broken it.  “I’d trust MJ, but not Peter.”

 

“He hurt Tony!” Bucky defended their actions for what felt like the millionth time.  Sure Tony hadn’t really been hurt by Peter’s petty revenge.  But still, no one hurt Tony on Bucky’s watch.

 

"No way did you charm Maria Hill enough for her to watch you, she HATES being around Nats as a baby," Steve chuckled a little.  Natasha had undermined a training session that Maria was overseeing with a few of the high level recruits, and had Maria flat out on her back on the training mats in less time than it took to blink an eye.

 

Maria would NOT be volunteering to sit overnight with the kids if Natasha was involved.

 

"Pop, relax, we have it handled," Bucky promised.

 

"Who?" Steve put his hands on his hip and gave his best domineering Dad look to Bucky.  The little boy tried to resist and look at him with defiance, but that lasted less than ten seconds before he started squirming just a little.  Steve was thankful for Bucky's healthy fear of disappointing a father figure. Natasha, for one, had no such fear.  

 

And Bucky's fear was unfounded, because there probably wasn't anything in the world that he could do that would make Steve disappointed in him.

 

"We got Lang and the three Whomp pats," Bucky shrugged.  "That Dave guy knows first aid.  Luis likes talking with Helen about everything.  And Nats respects Lang.  And I like Kurt."

 

"He's not going to give you guys benadryl?" Steve blinked.  Kurt was very big on medicating children.

 

"No, cause Dave read stuff about how it's not nice to do to kids, like over the counter ratalin or somethin'?  I don't know, Hells knows and she talked about it for forty-five minutes straight," Bucky admitted.  "But we'd be so safe, Pop, I promise.  You should take Ma out and you know.  Have fun."

 

Steve smiled down warmly at his friend before bending at the knee and picking him up.  He wrapped Bucky up in a bear hug, and while Tony might have pretended to struggle for a moment before giving in, Bucky gave in right away and Steve could feel the metal arm strong around his neck.  Just a little bit too strong, but Steve wasn't going to complain as Bucky smiled into his shoulder.

 

"I love you, Buck," Steve said softly.  And he did.  Two months ago he'd have told Bucky the same words, although two months ago he would have meant them in a very different way.  Two months ago, Bucky had been his brother and he'd loved him as such.  To the end of the line and probably a couple hundred years after that.  But now he loved him as this small, smart, fierce little creature that loved him back unconditionally.  

 

He loved him like a son, now.

 

"Love you too, Pop," Bucky nodded into his shoulder, his smile never fading.  "Now---about those tiny ketchup bottles...do you think they got mustard ones too?"

 

* * *

 

 

"No mommy, no, we can't get those, cause the cookies touch the cream and that's just yuck, it's yuck, please, don't buy them, please?" Helen squirmed in the aisle of the Avenger's Facility commissary.  She was definitely edging on whining, and she knew that was bad behavior, only a little one, not enough to take her star for the day, but still, bad behavior nonetheless.  Helen was in an interesting phase of her childhood right now.

 

She wanted to see how much she could get away with.

 

She found that due to the fact that she was so tiny and cute and adorable, even when she was being SUPER bossy and not nice about it at all, and a little whiney, and a little smart mouthed, that she didn't get into big, big trouble.  So she was slowly trying to ramp up each of those bad behaviors that she had, and they were the only ones that Helen had.  She would never compare to Bucky, who was well behaved, good and helpful at almost all times.  Unlike Tony, who was smart mouthed, a little lazy bones and swore sometimes, and Natasha who did whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, Helen was pretty well behaved.

 

But she still wanted to see what her adorableness could let her get away with.

  


So far, she found that Daddy would allow her more impolite bossiness than Mommy.  Helen thinks that her Daddy is so forgiving of that behavior because he can be pretty bossy too all the darned time.  But Mommy would let her be more whine-y than Daddy did.  Helen thinks that her Mommy is like that because as grownups they had a rule where they were allowed to whine about the bad things (they used a bad word to describe it as adults) that happened in their lives.  They usually had wine and cheese though, but Helen didn't like cheese that much anymore, and while she did like grape juice, but was pretty sure she wasn't allowed to have wine.

 

"Helen, you are not the only person that we are shopping for right now, remember?" Darcy reminded her patiently.  She gave a commiserating look of exasperation to David, the retired SHIELD stock boy who always asked her how the hubby was doing and if the hubby had given her whatever special thing that David had recommended Steve to bring back to her.  David was adorable, and if she weren't so darned head over heels in love with Steve, she'd probably try to date the sixty-five year old cutie.

 

"But it bothers me," Helen whined.

 

"Helen," Darcy warned.

 

"I don't want to have food touching in the house anymore!" Helen stamped her foot just once.

 

Just once was all it took and Darcy was kneeling and looking at her with an expression that brooked no nonsense.  She put one hand around Helen's right wrist and maintained a scary level of eye contact.

 

"Helen Cho, do you really want the rest of your day to be a bad day?" Darcy asked calmly.

 

"NOooooo," Helen whined.  "I DON'T LIKE THIS ANYMORE I WANT TO BE A GROWNUP SO YOU'S CAN'T TALK LIKE THAT TO ME ANYMORE!"

 

"I know you do, sweetie, I know," Darcy nodded, still looking firm and unmovable.  "I want you to talk a couple calm breaths and let me know if you think we should do our shopping later when you've calmed down."

 

"NO, NO!  YOU HAVE PLACES TO BE!" Helen immediately looked panicked instead of on the verge of a tantrum and Darcy counted that as a win.

 

"Where exactly do I have to be?" Darcy shook her head in confusion.

 

"We're sending you and Daddy to Washington and you're going to go to a lunch meeting with stupid face General Ross, and then you're going to have a night in a _faaaaaaaaaaancy_ hotel together so you can kiss and be loud about it," Helen nodded, looking gleeful about it.  "Cause I heard you's guys saying stuff like, _shhhh Steve, honey the kids'll hear_ and then Daddy was like _make me ssssssshhh, dollface_."

 

"Oh boy," Darcy blinked and felt her cheeks turn red when David came by in the aisle, dropping a package of condoms in there in a not at all stealthy manner.  "Oh boy."

 

"Is okay, Mommy, us kids like that you and daddy are in pretty sparkly _loooooooooooooooove_ ," Helen giggled.  "And Daddy's gonna ask you to marry him and then we'll ALL go to Disney for honeymoons!"

 

"Uhm," Darcy blinked.  She had to get back to the original point of the conversation before she was swept away with Helen’s adorable romanticism.  Because if Steve _did_ ask her to marry him, well, she didn’t think she’d physically be able to give him any other answer but _duh_.   "I can't---I can't leave you guys overnight."

 

"Uh huh," Helen insisted.  "We gots a sitter and everything.  And not Cookie Butt cause he cries cause I'm not old enough for kisses.  Kisses are fun, right, Mommy?  Like, when I'm older I bet I'm great at kissing."

 

"Sure, sure, sweetie, I'm sure you are," Darcy nodded absently, straightening out her posture and going for the cookies that had caused Helen's mini-meltdown.  "Who exactly did you get for your sitter?"

 

Helen smiled to herself and looked down at the basket of things they'd accumulated on their shopping trip.  She saw what nice Davie put in the basket.  He always was so helpful when Helen would come to the store with Mommy or Daddy.  He knew that food shouldn't be touching for her, and did his best to bag stuff the right way, according to Helen.

 

"Ant-guy and the three warm rats," Helen answered.

 

Darcy thought about the logistics of that.  Scott and his three comrades in arms were surprisingly good with the kids.  

 

And they were technically four of the most trustworthy people on base.  This was of course because all four of them idolized Steve to a ridiculous degree, and Darcy to a normal degree (According to Darcy).  They would probably be ideal.  

 

Helen nudged the dreaded cookies to the side and looked at the box that David had dropped in.  She knew what those were for.  And she wondered just how naughty it would be if she made sure they wouldn't work.  Nats would be SO happy because with how potent Daddy's reaper duck shine system was (Helen knew this for reasons.  Reasons she couldn't remember), then Mommy would get a baby in her belly in no time.

 

Helen looked up, thinking of what she could use to make teeny, tiny little holes that no one would notice at all.  Helen knew her Mommy didn't take tic tac baby pills like Helen used to because of hormone levels or something, so if she did manage to make a small tiny hole well then---Helen saw Davie looking at her suspiciously and looked properly ashamed of herself when he shook his head no at her slowly and firmly.

 

She wrinkled her nose.  It was probably _super_ naughty and she’d get into so much trouble.  Like all of her stars would probably get taken from her forever.  She nodded and smiled at Davie.  Daddy’s proper lap ticks were totally safe.

 

For now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Helen. No. I said that out loud at the end when writing it. She's been thwarted for now though. God Bless Davie. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	14. Numbnuts Strikes Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for plot again!!!!!

**Chapter Fourteen:  Numbnuts Strikes Again**

 

* * *

 

 

"SUPPIIIIIIIZE!"

 

Four highly trained SHIELD agents did their very best not to jump in their places at the sudden alarm the small, terrifyingly adorable battle cry incited within them.  They'd been warned by Director Hill that something like this may occur.  They had seen the Black Widow in action, as an adult and as a toddler.  They had been prepared for the worst.

 

But still, they had been listening to a six year old Winter Soldier speak calmly and authoritatively about security protocol (he didn't go over anything new, but it was pretty adorable to hear about proper path flight preparation from someone so small).  And when Bucky had gone into the little nuances of watching out for Steve Rogers, especially, well then all four agents were completely rapt with attention.  Bucky offered a lot of insight about Steve Rogers that SHIELD hadn't quite prepared him for.

 

"You gotta watch out, cause he's totally crazy for my ma, so that means he's gonna be mooning over her and watching her out of the sides of his eyes and then he'll probably trip over thin air---but he's faster than all of you's, so, even if he doesn't see the threat till five seconds after you, he's gonna be quicker and you gotta camp an safe for that."

 

One of the SHIELD agents started taking notes when Bucky went into how Steve would eventually accidentally lose the security detail, probably inside a building, and entirely on accident.  And Bucky had even strictly told them that once the couple was in their hotel room for the night, surveys lance would immediately stop because if they disrespected his ma, then they were in for a world of hurt.

 

One of the more seasoned SHIELD agents had the good sense to shiver at the promise.  

 

And of course, that was when the two year old decided to do a surprise attack, taking out two of them at the knee and letting soft electrical charges buzz through the small of the other two's backs.  She rolled forward until she was crouching at Bucky's feet, looking up at him with one of her irrepressible wild grins.

 

"You didn't have to 'lectrocute those two, Nats," Bucky smiled down at her with all the fondness his face could hold.  

 

"Bizz bizz suppize," Natasha giggled to herself.  "James, dey is softies..."

 

"Ma and Pop are gonna be fine," Bucky promised.  "Sides, we got things to do, remember?"

 

"Oh yes.  Fun!" Natasha nodded as Bucky helped her up to standing.  She pointed sternly at the SHIELD agents and demanded, "Nats make ouchie booboos if'n you bad!"

 

"Yes, Agent Romanoff, we understand," the most seasoned Agent nodded.  "Your parents will be completely and utterly safe.  But---"

 

"No butts.  Butts is dumb," Natasha waved him off.

 

"I'm a little concerned regarding you having _things_ to do," the agent persisted.  He had children of his own, two girls that were quite the little troublemakers, but thankfully not as naturally skilled and finely trained in the deadly arts as Natasha was.  But still, he caught Bucky's hint, and Natasha's apparent excitement at the thought of what they were going to do.  He knew an elaborate plot set up when he saw it.  He decided to appeal to their more pragmatic side.  He remembered during his own training years ago that the Black Widow had one somewhere.  "I'd like to know how I'm supposed to handle Rogers and Miss Lewis should it be found that the four of you are off doing something... _naughty_."

 

"Nats not naughty!  Take it back!" Natasha pointed her finger and pouted at the man. "Nats haba gold star."

 

"Sure, sure," the experienced agent nodded.  "But are you going to be doing anything to get it taken away?"

 

She scoffed at him.

 

"We're okay, Agent Sanchez," Bucky promised.  "We're not doin' nothin' naughty."

 

And then Natasha laughed, because Bucky did his gooey face.  He had learned it from Steve when both he and Steve were six years old the _first_ time around.  He'd observed Steve getting away with all kinds of sass with the ladies around the block, including Bucky's own mother, who usually had no time or patience for sass.  But there Steve was, sassing anyone who had ears that he wasn't gonna go inside and stop playing stickball, he didn't care if he couldn't breathe or not, he was gonna stay outside and play until he was good and ready to go back in.  

 

If Bucky had talked like that to his ma, he'd a wound up with a sore rear end, for sure.  But Mrs. Barnes took one look at Steve, who had just sassed her, and he had this look in his eyes.  It was a curious blend of beseeching earnestness and honesty combined with that iron will personal righteousness that Steve seemed to have been born with.  And Bucky had been stunned that his Ma did reach out and grab Steve's ear as the undersized, sickly boy stood staring down at the mothers who had told him to head home to avoid the chill, his hands fisted at his sides, and his tiny jaw set in stone.

 

And his Ma laughed.

 

And then let him play stickball for another hour until it was pitch black dark.  

 

Bucky had asked Steve to teach him that look right away, but Bucky never mastered it.  He didn't have that iron will that Steve had, but he did manage a certain kind of gooey look.  It said to anyone he aimed it at that he was harmless and essentially good, and that if he just had his way with whatever he was asking, he'd never ask to do anything untoward ever again.

 

That look had stolen Bucky many a kiss when he had been a teenager, he was sure of it.  But he wasn't so interested in kisses at the moment.  Sure, he loved Natasha loads, and he liked when she pressed sticky, candy flavored kisses all over his face, but he'd wait patiently until they were changed back or grew up naturally to being a teenager again to try and get those different, heightened and advanced kinds of kisses from her.  Right now, it was just nice to hold hands and cuddle and play with Play-doh together.  And occasionally go on an adventure that his Ma and Pop definitely didn't need to know anything about.

 

"Alright, because I'd hate to see what your mother would do to the poor agents and babysitters that lost track of you," Agent Sanchez tried one more time, but Bucky just gave him that gentle, placid smile that could have probably warmed the barnacles off of the Titanic, and Natasha wrinkled her nose at all of the agents.

 

"Worry youself! My Mommy stay safe or Nats gonna dang you wif Daddy's shield!"

  


"Fire in the hole!" Tony announced gaily as he ran into the room.  He gave Bucky two thumbs up and nodded.  "We're all good on Operation You Know What for You Know Who."

 

"Oh boy," Sanchez breathed out warily.

  


"Sir, leave it," one of the lower ranking agents whispered as he eyed Natasha, who was pawing at her favorite sharpened spork with a glint in her eyes.

  


Sanchez sighed.  Ultimately his only concern had to be the safety of Darcy Lewis, that order came from Steve Rogers himself.  The children had their own team.  And the backup team.  And then the backup's remote backup team.  And then the four babysitters themselves.  Besides, as clever as Natasha was as a toddler, Agent Sanchez had to believe that Director Hill was one step ahead.

 

"MOMMY!" Natasha called out happily as Darcy, Steve and Helen came into the plane hangar.  She popped the dangerous spork back into her little sleeve and ran to Darcy with her arms stretched out.  Darcy laughed as she picked up the baby and cuddled her close and fiercely.  "Mommy 'n Daddy go have funs and bring Nats candy."

 

"Okay, baby, what kind?" Darcy wondered.  

 

"All?" Natasha shrugged, pulling away from Darcy's embrace and smacking a sticky kiss right on her mouth.  She then easily swung herself from Darcy, to Steve, who was carrying their overnight bags in one hand and had the other arm wrapped around Darcy's shoulders.  She perched herself on Steve's broad shoulder and looked down at him with that smug little expression she was so great at as an adult and as a child.  "No fightin', Daddy."

 

"I can go twenty-four hours out in the wild without getting in a fight, Nats," Steve promised her.  

 

"No  fightin', Daddy," Natasha repeated sternly.  "Mommy fight too if Daddy fightin'."

 

"Alright, baby, I won't fight," Steve gave her a sincere smile.  "Unless someone tries to come after us."

 

"That's not gonna happen, I have the best people on your team, and we sent out decays and Die Bird Shins," Bucky announced.  

 

"It's Diet versions," Tony corrected.

 

"It's Dive earth tins," Helen corrected him.

 

"That sounds, that sounds good guys," Steve grinned at the three children.  "Now, does anyone need anything special from DC?"

 

"I need you to give the Secretary of State a wedgie!" Tony looked up in excitement.

 

"No, Tony," Steve said quickly.

 

"A patriotic wedgie?" Tony wondered.

 

"No wedgies," Steve valiantly bit back a grin.  "Remember when Peter gave you a wedgie?  That's not nice."

 

"But Ross deserves it, he's a numbnuts!" Tony insisted.

 

"Tony!" Darcy scolded, even as the four agents waiting for Darcy and Steve to get on the quinjet snickered in the background.

 

"Use the proper medical word, then it's not naughty," Helen encouraged sternly.  She nodded in agreement with herself and said, "He's a numb test or calls.  And he should probably see his doctor about that."

 

Darcy hid her laugh in Steve's bicep and he valiantly bit at his bottom lip to keep it in.  Two of the SHIELD agents had to run into the quinjet with their hands over their mouths.  

 

"Sir, we have to make our window," Sanchez announced, the only one with a good poker face.  He was used to it by now thanks to his own kids.  

 

"Alright, hugs and kisses, guys," Steve announced.

 

One of the remaining SHIELD agents put her hand over her mouth to stop the cooing noise that was trying to escape, and even Agent Sanchez had a fond, indulgent smile on his face as Steve reached down, with Natasha still on his shoulder, and opened his arms wide.  When he straightened back up, he had Tony on one bicep, Bucky on the other, and Helen in the middle.  Steve gave Darcy a wink and kept his arms open until she too got into the hug, smashing against Helen, and wrapping her arms around Steve.  

 

It was a great hug and it was nice to see Captain America looking like a normal dad, saying goodbye to his kids.  He looked happy and proud and calm in a way that no one could remember seeing him.  But probably more important was that everyone involved in the hug, both Darcy and the kids, were practically oozing love at the man who really, truly deserved it.

 

Kisses flew back and forth indiscriminately.  At one point Tony made a grossed out sound as he was sure that it had been Bucky that had planted one right on his nose, but it didn't matter.  All in all, he'd take a kiss on the nose from Barnes, which wasn't so bad when it came down to it, especially when he got everything else all at the same time.  

 

His Dad had somehow managed to get a hand on Tony's back and was stroking it up and down, and his Mom was petting at his hair and Bucky's hair at the same time.  Natasha was making a happy humming noise and Helen was wiggling in contentment.  All in all, Tony didn't think he'd ever had such a nice hug before.

 

"Look at that hug, Scottie.  Look at it.  I want in on that hug.  Like, damn yo, that looks like what marshmallows taste like, all soft and sweet and fluffy," Luis said from the door to the hangar.  

 

Scott Lang and the Three Wombats looked to be ready to go into business as pre-school teachers.  Dave had Helen's medical bag, along with his own first aid kit strapped to his back.  Kurt had repurposed suspender gun holsters to hold crayons, markers, sticker rolls and plenty of little coloring books rolled up and fastened securely to his person.  The holster on his back was full of stuffed animals, dolls and little toy cars.  Scott was kitted out with diaper bags, full of freshly laundered ones for Natasha, every wipe you could imagine, and then he had a diaper bag solely devoted to snacks.  

 

Luis, however, was carrying two separate bags, full of stuff that Natasha had told him they would need.  He didn't understand why the kids needed explosives, but he didn't argue with little Natasha.  He loved her to bits, and found that she could hurt you just as much at two as she could at...twenty-something, or fifty-something.  Or however old she was when she was back to normal.  He did what she said, and he had the bag of carefully backed explosives, along with extra coloring books and a few sets of legos to play with if they got bored with what Kurt had to offer.

  


"Okay guys, you should get going, I booked you fancy private massages in your room!" Tony announced happily.  "The service asked if you wanted a happy ending, and I was like, DUH, who doesn't like a happy ending?"

 

Even Sanchez ran away with laughter at that.  Darcy couldn't help a giggle of her own and she kissed the little boy's temple with a loud, audible smack.

 

"Tony, you're the best."

 

* * *

 

"Ready for test subject 573," Hank Pym announced.  

 

Wanda levitated the old potted plant into the open space of the lab where the original shrinking had taken place.  Sam made a sullen face in the control room that had been constructed just outside of the room.  Hank ignored the man who was constantly breathing down their necks for a "cure" to Helen Cho's second childhood.  Vision, however, never ignored much of anything.

 

"You have a problem, Wilson?" Vision asked in his pleasantly neutral way.

 

"You've deaged about a hundred potted plants in the last three weeks," Sam watched as the room was tightly closed up and Hank went about flipping on switches as the rest of the thrown together science team, the best and the brightest of what the world had to offer, really, took notes and measurements and observed.  "When are you going to be using a human subject?"

 

"We've only been able to deage the plants half of their shelf life," Vision conceded.  "All of the children are currently much younger than half of their life.  Would you wish Dr. Cho to be turned into a teenager instead of the thirty-four year old young woman you fell in love with?"

 

"I don't like when you go with human logic, Viz, go with your crazy purple logic," Sam huffed out.  "I'm sitting right here, I'm willing to be used for your tests.  Figure it the hell out."

 

"I'm not turning another of the Avengers into a child," Hank argued.  "I've told you, that this will take time to solve, and the bulk of solving the problem is recreating the problem.  There is no magical cure, Wilson, and if you want to go find one, you should have left when Thor did a month ago.  Now, continuing with test case 573, where we are trying to recreate the age ratio of Doctor Cho, if you had been paying attention."

 

Sam rolled his eyes again, but sat forward.  He knew, as a practical person, that it was smart to recreate the science in order to figure out how to fix the science.  But it had been two months.  He liked little Helen Cho, four year old bossypants just fine, but he missed his girlfriend.  

 

Suddenly, the lights to the lab cut out and the scientists went into a panic.  The houseplant that Wanda had levitated into the ground zero lab was shaking and in the glint of the emergency lights, Sam could see the shine of metal, bright and cold and...chrome.  

 

Tony loved chrome for pranks, especially.  He didn't use a lot of it in his suits or bots, but he loved using it for pranks.  He'd been waxing poetic about it back on the night Ultron attacked.  Chrome was a trash metal and he liked to use it on trashy pranks.

 

While the scientists started to go a little nuts when a hundred, miniscule bots came out of the plant and began flying erratically around the lab, possibly destroying everything the scientists had built so far, Sam got up very quickly and ran for the door.  He pulled his phone out immediately and began calling up Scott.

 

It went straight to voicemail.

 

"You motherfudger, if I find out you've taken my girl off base when she's a gosh darned toddler, I will shove my foot so far up your poop chute that you will be doo-dooing my shoelaces for the next motherflipping year, Lang.  CALL ME BACK!"

 

Sam didn't have the presence of mind to pat himself on the back for Helen's anti-swearing campaign working a little as he ran for the Avenger's staging area (locker room, it was a glorified locker room), intent on getting his wings, but he'd gotten there and sure enough they were dismantled down to spare parts.

 

"Friday?!" Sam asked.

 

"HOLA!  Yo SOY FRIDAY!  DO YOU WANT TO HAVE AN ADVENTURE TODAY?"

 

Sam blinked.  Because that didn't sound like Friday.  That sounded like Dora the Explorer.

 

"Motherfudging Fudge Balls."

  


* * *

 

 

The trip to DC only took half an hour, and the hotel that had been chosen had a landing pad, convenient for the small aircraft of heads of state, royalty and the random Avenger to land on.  

 

Steve and Darcy had made their morning massage appointment just in time.  Then they'd found their own happy endings together, thanks but no thanks for the offer, tiny Tony.  And a lovely bath had been waiting for them, full of bubblegum scented bubbles and a new bucket full of bath toys and crayon soaps.  

 

"I really love our kids, dude," Darcy grinned as she drew on Steve's chest with a red bath crayon.  He was fairly tattooed in Darcy's crayon art, red hearts over his chest, kiss marks on his neck, _Property of Darcy Lewis_ written over the ridges of his abs.  

 

"I do too," Steve smiled, his eyes closed, letting Darcy have free reign with his skin.  The little movements she was making against his skin tickled a little, but he liked how her hands smoothed water over his skin before starting a new drawing.   "Can we stay in the bath forever?"

 

"No, lazybones.  The sooner we get this meeting with Secretary of Shit Ross over with, the sooner we can come back.  And order room service," Darcy winked at him when he opened one eye to look down at her.

 

"Bucky wants tiny condiment bottles," Steve nodded.

 

"Adorable little man, of course he does," Darcy grinned.  She surveyed the graffitti she had drawn over Steve's body and sighed, "Okay, time to rinse.  One of these days, when our kids are grown up, we're going to have to revisit this communal bathtime thing we're doing right now, because I really dig it, Steve."

 

"I do too.  Give us a kiss, dollface," Steve puckered his lips obnoxiously at her, smiling into the kiss she gleefully offered.  She tried to pull away and he shook his head slowly.  "Help me get this stuff off, all hands on deck, Darce."

 

All in all they were only fifteen seconds late for their lunch meeting with Secretary of State Ross.  Darcy may not have had a chance to blow dry her hair, but it was still professional looking in the bun she had tied it up in.  They breezed into the entirely reserved restaurant and sat down opposite the man who had been waiting already for an hour, according to Sanchez.

 

"Captain Rogers," Ross blinked, his face as placid and smarmy as it ever was.

 

"Sir," Steve nodded curtly.  He looked down at Darcy and nodded, "I'd like to introduce you to---"

 

"I'm aware of who Miss Lewis is, I'm having a little bit of a problem understanding what she's doing here," Ross waved away the introduction.  "We are attempting to negotiate new terms for your team in the event of a mass extinction event, since you've essentially swayed over half of the countries originally involved in the Accords to pull back their demands."

 

"You know why that occurred, right?" Darcy smiled as she allowed Steve to pull out her chair.  She sat down and was pushed gently in before reaching for a bread roll.  “You get three guesses and the first two don’t count.”

 

“You shouldn’t really be bringing girlfriends to matters of national security,” Ross sighed heavily, addressing Steve only and ignoring Darcy’s existence entirely.  

 

“It’s because, fundamentally, at the core of it, the Accords were _wrong_ ,” Darcy continued gaily, as if Ross had never spoken.  She buttered a bread roll liberally and put half on Steve’s plate.  “When you’re dealing with a few dozen people who can _literally_ stop the world from ending, you can’t wait around for an oversight committee to tell them to mobilize.  Yes, there should be checks and balances, but unfortunately, due to the tumultuous and tricky nature of mass extinction events, you can’t really plan ahead for them.”

 

“And what would a housewife know about world extinction events?” Ross demanded.

 

Darcy casually let her hand go beneath the table and put her hand on Steve’s thigh, squeezing three short times as she stared at Ross placidly,  Steve sniffed and rubbed at his nose, and in the background, Sanchez quietly switched places with another member of the security team.

 

“I survived four of them, granted one of them was on Vanaheim and not Earth, but I assure you, they’re still the same kind of animal wherever you may end up,” Darcy smiled at him.  “By the way, I’m here because Thor has named me his official spokesperson on Midgard.  So if you want any kind of cooperation from the heroes on Asgard, you’re going to have to talk to me, housewife or not.”

 

“Where is Thor?  We had Bifrost activity a month ago---”

 

“Thor is occupied with more important tasks than reporting to you,” Darcy said shortly.  Sanchez came back into the room and cleared his throat.  Darcy nodded and reached for the very sharp steak knife on the side of her plate and in the blink of an eye she was up and out of her seat and had the blade pressed against Ross’s throat.

 

Steve rose from his seat as well and made a rush for the Secretary of State’s own security, assisted by the team who had accompanied he and Darcy to Washington DC.

 

“I”m gonna ask you this once, _numbnuts_ ,” Darcy hissed out, glaring down at Ross with a fierceness that would have had a less thick headed man shaking in fear.  “What do you want with my kids?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where do you think the kids are going? What do you think Sanchez signaled to Darcy and Steve at the end there? Do you think Sam will have fun interacting with Friday if she is technically programmed to be Dora the Explorer? So many questions. That I mostly have. 
> 
> There is plot in this one, and foreshadowing, and more poor child pronunciations. I hope you liked it! Thanks for reading!


	15. They Don’t Know That We Know That They Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of stuff happens this chapter. It might have come off as confusing, which is why I have the Friends reference as the chapter title! If anything didn't come across, feel free to ask me and I'll try to explain....

 

**Chapter Fifteen: They Don’t Know That We Know That They Know**

 

* * *

  
  


"We're up in the air," Scott whispered into his comm unit.  "Kids have no idea."

 

"Kids have no idea 'bout what?" Bucky wondered, appearing at Lang's side as he set the quinjet to autopilot.

 

"What? Jesus!  I mean, what?" Scott jumped at Bucky's magical appearance, and having gotten caught at something the kids probably didn't want him to be doing.  "Nothing.  What...I know nothing usually, I mean.  Look at me, I'm wacky Uncle Scottie."

 

"And I'm AWESOME Uncle Luis, hey little man, can you do me a solid and pop this water bottle open for me?  I have the carpal tunnel and you know, probably arthritis, cause it runs in the family.  Like my Uncle Lester has hands that are like claw shaped.  It's not so great for opening stuff, but it is pretty awesome at Halloween, cause he has like...instant lobster hands," Luis nodded as he turned in the co-pilot's chair and held out a small bottle of water with his right hand and made snapping claw shape with his left.

 

Bucky didn't look like he'd be swayed from his sudden suspicion of Scott's intentions, but Luis waggled the bottle at him and gave an especially helpless smile.  The kids, especially Bucky and Natasha, were kind of suckers for it.  Luis found that the more competent the person, the more they caved when he gave them that guileless, helpless smile.  It helped him get through a lot of tough times, actually.  

 

It was essential to do it now.  Scott was sweating bullets.  He was not used to lying to kids, at all.  Even though the lies had come straight from Darcy herself, and if a kid's mom said to lie to the kids, well then, Luis had no problem with telling a fib or two.  

 

"C'mon, little guy, I know you have the strength in your cool robo-arm to open this, and for real?  Uncle Luis gets mad dehydrated when he's up in the sky.  You know, that's not something I really, you know, discovered about myself until I started doing these bigger jobs with Uncle Scottie, cause like, I never flew that much before, mostly cause of the irrational fear of flying, not for lack of opportunity.  Cause my pops always wanted to be jetting off to the islands.  But I been to the D.R., that's the Domincan Republic, if you didn't know, like once, and I had to go there on a boat and everything.  Which is funny, cause my Ma came to this country on a boat.  You know, a life raft.  The American dream, am I right, little man?"

 

Bucky could only blink at Luis curiously.  But at least it took the heat off of Scott for a second.

 

Darcy and Steve had been pretty clear with the children's babysitters for the evening once they knew who Natasha had selected.  They would be heading to DC, but thanks to some long game interrogation done by Clint on the last set of would be kidnappers that had infiltrated the Avengers' home base, they now knew that the threat to the children was centralized.  It wasn't the nefarious AIM or Hydra or any other terroristic group.  

 

It was the good ole United States of America government.  One observant, but now fired and incarcerated, mole in the requisitions department had made a report about four children, formerly important adults, being on base and vulnerable.  The mole didn't even know who they reported to, they'd actually thought they were doing good, keeping the US government informed of what the Accord-less Avengers were up to.  

 

When Clint had reported to Steve that the trail had gone cold at the highest levels of power, Steve had immediately wanted to go after Secretary of State Ross.  Hill and her team of Shield agents had advised against it, seeing as the Avengers weren't at full capacity, and the public sentiment still wasn't at a good spot for super heroes of any kind, no matter if they had just thwarted another alien invasion or not.  

 

But when Darcy had found out a few days ago from Steve, who had been telling her his suspicions during one of their post evening news romps, well, then there was no stopping what was currently happening.

 

The kids were to appear vulnerable, with Darcy and Steve making a big show of leaving the facility.  Knowing their kids, Steve and Darcy had planned that they'd want to take their own field trip while they were gone and encouraged the sitters to take them up in the air quietly and stealthily as Natasha could wish it.  All the better to have them in the air when the inevitable attack came down on the facility, while Darcy and Steve were away and preoccupied.

 

Everything had gone off without a hitch.  

 

Well, except for the fact that the kids had set up plenty of diversions that were unnecessary back at the facility.  But everything seemed to be working out in their favor.  The little metal, robotic bugs Tony had set out in the running de-aging tests had escaped and were swarming towards the elite force of government operatives who had been sent to retrieve the children.  

 

Unbeknownst to all, Helen and Bucky had set up a little trap around Steve's residential quarters, and anyone who got too close and wasn't on Friday's approved list triggered the automatic pea shooters that aimed a syringe full of knockout juice (Helen had taken the benadryl provided by Kurt and boiled it down into a condensed, hyper potent dosage).  There were currently four unconscious bodies strewn haphazardly in front of Steve's door, waiting to be retrieved and tied up for questioning.

 

Perhaps most helpful of all was Natasha's contribution.  

 

She'd set up netting all around the perimeter of the base.  Granted, it had been an indiscriminate sort of trap, as it had taken and immobilized quite a few platoons of Shield agents as well.  But the point was that the vast majority of advancing enemy had been stopped dead in their traps by a net made of barbed wire.  

 

The one and only thing the kids had done that had not been helpful was turning Friday into Dora the Explorer.  Currently the only two people who could communicate properly with Friday were the ones with children: Agent Sanchez and Scott Lang.  It was less than ideal.  Speaking Spanish to the modified AI program didn't help.  Over ninety percent of the agents on base spoke Spanish fluently.  It wasn't the Spanish that was essential to conversing with Friday.  It was conversing like a children's cartoon character specifically that was giving some trouble to them.

 

Scott put his hand to his comm unit as Luis talked and talked and TALKED Bucky's little ears off.  

 

"Hola Friday?"

 

"Hola Snottie!" Friday said back cheerily.  "Do you want to go on an adventure together?"

 

"Yes, yes I do," Scott whispered with enthusiasm.  "But there's a problem, we need to count how many minutes there are until we can come back home with all of Snottie's fun friends and then we can have the celebridades!"

  
  


"Okay, everybody, we need to help our friend Snottie count some minutes before we can start the festividades!" Friday chirped with joyful enthusiasm.  "Agent Sanchez, do YOU know how many minutes we should count?"

 

"Well, we just got started on our fun project, and patience is definitely something we all need to have on hand today in our adventure," Sanchez admitted.  The sound of hand to hand combat was clear, and Scott could just make out Darcy's distinctive grunts that indicated she was hitting something.  He'd heard her make that noise before slapping him on the back of his head right after the kids had gotten shrunken to their current sizes.  "And Ross seems like a tough nut to crack, so it's going to be at least two hours before we can get him to give us what we need."

 

"Two hours is a lot of time!" Friday exclaimed happily.  "Friday the Explorer doesn't think she can count that many minutes, but she'll do her best and try---hey, that reminds me of a song about trying our best---let's---"

 

"Oh fudging crap," Sam Wilson called out overtop of Friday's excited chatter.  "She's still Friday the Explorer?  Hill said she had her best hackers trying to get her back to normal."

 

"Sam Wilson said a bad word!" Friday sounded distressed.  Excited still, but a little distressed.  "We're going to have to tell his girlfriend about that, because it would be so wrong to tell a lie.  Hey, that reminds me of the story of the little boy who cried wolf---"

 

"NO," Sam insisted.  "Lang, keep those kids in the air and occupied.  They brought about a hundred, and we're having some trouble getting them all wrangled.  At least a dozen unaccounted for---"

 

"But, we can't just keep hovering, you know who I'm flying right?" Scott hissed out.

 

"HEY!" Nats yelled.  She stomped into the cockpit and put her little hands on her hips to accompany the fierce little glare on her adorable, murderous face. "We is NOT movin'."

 

"Yeah, Nats, I was gonna ask that," Bucky promised her.  He gestured to Luis with a nod of his little head.  "But you know how this one likes to yammer your ear off."

 

"Unca Loo," Nats gave him a look that consisted of narrowed eyes and suspicion, and just a pinch of dismayed betrayal.

 

"Sorry," Luis sighed.  "We just wanted to keep you guys safe, you understand that, cause you know, we worked so hard on those nets to keep everyone at home safe, even stinky Director Hill---"

 

"Hells!" Bucky called out.  

 

"Yeeeees?" Helen sing songed, she was strapped to the booster seat which Kurt had installed on top of the quinjet chair.  Helen was a stickler for flight regulation rules, for herself.  She let her siblings and their babysitters roam as free as they could want, but she would be happy to stay in the chair, strapped appropriately until they got to where they were going.  

 

"Sending Luis to you so you can watch him," Bucky advised.

 

"Tent fours, Sargey!" Helen chirped back cheerfully.  

 

Luis nodded sadly, knowing that he wasn't going to be quite useful as a babysitter anymore.  He and Helen were probably going to chat themselves hoarse for the remainder of their time together.  

 

"Nats is better'n Hillie," Nat said very suddenly, glaring at Scott as if she could sway his mind if he dared to think differently.

 

"We know," Scott smirked.

 

"Anty give Tony control of birdy plane," Nats ordered as Tony ambled up into the cockpit.  

 

"Uhm, no?" Scott offered.

 

"We got stuff to do, move outta the way, Snottie," Tony ordered obnoxiously.

 

"NO," Scott sneered back at the bratty version of his secret arch nemesis.  Scott had been very discreet, but Peter Parker had definitely gotten a thank you gift in the mail after the whole wedgie and wet willie incident.  Scott would have loved to do the same, but he didn't want Natasha and Bucky to pull out his entrails and make him eat them.

 

"HOLA FRIDAY!" Tony called out cheerily.

 

"Hola Boss!  It's so good to spend time with you.  Do you want to go on an adventure?" Friday asked with that unwavering, excessive cheerfulness.

 

"Yes, yes, I absolutely do," Tony grinned.  "Send the controls of this jet to my pad and make the flight path look like that game we played yesterday.  Me and Hells Bells will play it and get us to where we need to go."

 

"Can I play?" Kurt asked from back in the quinjet bay area.

 

"Maybe," Tony said shrewdly.  "We don't want you crashing us in a ditch."

 

"Daaaam---aaaaaarn," Dave corrected himself quickly, which got him a nice little pat on the shoulder from an ever watchful Helen.  He smiled at her, still looking a little wary around the edges before leaning over and glaring full force at the back of Scott's head.  "You owe me, Lang."

 

"I know.  I know."

 

* * *

 

 

"This is probably, more than likely---" Steve paused, taking the moment to put a forearm to an oncoming attacker's throat.  The people Ross had protecting him weren't US government.  They weren't armed forces.  They weren't even from the United Nations.  They were hired thugs.  

 

It was nice, because hired thugs usually decided to stay down when hit just once.  It made it easier to get through the rest of their co-workers.  Steve smirked as he spotted one out of the corner of his eye crumple to the ground like a male soccer player hamming up a tiny scratch for a penalty.  Steve could only shrug.  He wasn't going to complain about people falling like a drama queen when the alternative was hitting them just hard enough for them to go down, but not hard enough to cause permanent damage or even more permanent death.  

 

"It's inappropriate, I think?" Steve ventured before taking an oncoming attacker and lifting him bodily above his head, then throwing him into a row of oncoming hired goons.  He smirked again when a few standing nearby faked falls and lay in lazy heaps on the ground.

 

"Just say it, sir," Agent Sanchez rolled his eyes as he and the other agents began restraining and tagging the two dozen men on the ground already in the restaurant.  

 

"That's really very---uhm," Steve paused, watching as Darcy manhandled Ross at the dining table.  She was sitting on top of the prone man's back and had the man's face pressed into the butter dish, his arms twisted uncomfortably behind his back as she dug her knee into a tender point at the base of his spine.  "It's appealing."

 

"You can do better that that, sir," Sanchez advised calmly.  "My husband appreciates when I say what I mean, sir.  Honesty is a great way to start something great...no Friday, no, thank you, I don't want to sing the honesty song."

 

"It's sexy," Steve blurted out.  Darcy grinned at him before putting a little more force behind her knee.  Steve gazed at her in wonder and actually had to be pulled out of the path of a particularly brave attacker by Sanchez.  Steve recovered quickly though, and managed to grab the fake waiter's collar and yank him backwards, slamming him into the ground.  He winced and hoped that the cracking sound wasn't a broken bone for the guy, but decided he didn't actually care all that much.  Instead he turned and watched Darcy some more and said, "You're a helluva dame, Darcy Lewis."

 

"You say the nicest things," Darcy cooed.  She pursed her lips before settling her attention back on the numbnuts who had apparently sent over one hundred armed forces in to steal her kids away.  Sanchez had set out the tracker prior to the meeting, and the signal from Secretary Ross's phone went directly to one of the first captured men at the facility.  And Darcy was willing to bet it would also match the first signal they'd gotten off of the people who had shot her weeks ago.  

 

To say she was a little bit pissed off would be an understatement.  

 

"What do you want my children for?" Darcy asked again, this time digging in her knee even harder.  Ross was beneath her, breathing hard, but not crying out in pain yet.  She'd be more than willing to change that.

 

"They're not your children, are they?" Ross grunted, his voice showing the strain that the physical attack was taking on him.  It'd been a long time since he'd been on the receiving end of physical punishment.  He was a bureaucrat after all.

 

"Wrong answer, numbnuts," Darcy muttered as Sanchez came over and secured the Secretary of State's wrists, giving her the use of her hands back.  She smacked Ross on the back of the head, just enough to make him wince.  "They're my kids, and believe me, I will fucking flay you with the butter knife rather than have you breathe the same air as them."

 

She smacked him again for good measure and nodded at Sanchez to flip the larger man over and put her knee right on his balls instead of the base of his spine.  She leaned in and got a wicked grin on her face when Ross yelled out with pain.

 

It really did pay off being the only foster daughter in a house full of rambunctious slightly older boys.  She knew the good pain points.

  
  


"Answer me," Darcy ordered.

 

Steve was watching carefully now.  The immediate physical threat of Ross's hired goons had been taken care of and he was never trusted with tieing them up on a good day.  He carefully stood one foot behind Darcy and one foot to the right, in her blind spot, but close enough so that she could feel his warmth and know he was there to back her up.  He'd have done the same thing if she was doling out punishment to one of the kids, and it felt like the right thing to do.  Let Darcy do her thing and just offer strong, silent support where needed.

 

Ross roared out in pain as Darcy's knee pressed in harder.  Steve errantly wished Darcy had been around during that first terrible meeting with Secretary Ross about the Accords.  It would have been a very different meeting, that was for certain.

 

"Why do you think we want those little abominations? Are you that stupid?" Ross spat out, sounding as if he were going to stroke out at any minute from the pain and the exertion that comes from pain.  "What government on Earth and beyond wouldn't want two physically enhanced toddlers to shape them the way they need to be shaped.  Hydra made the mistake in changing Barnes too late and the Russians were too soft on changing Romanoff enough.  Not to mention what I could do with the brilliant engineer and doctor."

  
  


Darcy stood back a little, glaring down at Ross with enough anger to light him on fire.  The thought of Bucky and Natasha, small and terrifying though they may be to a stranger, being made into murder machines once more was sickening.  The thought that Ross would be willing to use unenhanced Tony and Helen in servitude towards his global plans was abhorrent.  She didn't care how she got them. Lab accident.  Adoption.  Completely by coincidence.  

 

They were her kids.  They looked to her and Steve for safety and happiness.  They looked to Steve for home cooked meals that were not peanut butter and jelly, but everything else they looked to the both of them for.

 

"Sanchez?" she said quietly.

 

"Yes, Miss Lewis?" Sanchez answered.

 

"Cut the feed to Hill."

 

"Done," Sanchez nodded at his men and they all went to their comms and switched them off.

 

"Steve, honey?" Darcy turned to him and saw his own anger and outrage mirroring hers.  

 

"Yes, sweetheart?" Steve managed to say softly, keeping the ire he felt for Ross out of his voice when addressing Darcy.  

 

"Make him hurt a little, and then he's taking a little trip.  This guy wanted to find Banner a few months ago, so let's send him to Banner."

 

* * *

 

 

"GET THE APPLE HELLS GET THE APPLE!" Tony shouted happily.

 

"I'm gonna be sick," Dave muttered, feeling more than a little green around the edges as the quinjet swerved in the sky.  

 

The game that Tony had invented was like frogger, but with a chipmunk dodging leaves in order to go and grab falling apples instead.  And every move the chipmunk made, the quinjet made.  They were all over the sky, and the kids and Kurt seemed to be really enjoying it.  Luis was passed out on the floor thanks to a steady decrease in cabin pressure on level 2 of the game.  Scott was desperately trying to reason with Friday the Explorer to get control of the quinjet back.

 

Bucky had a sweetly napping Nats securely held in his arms as he easily withstood the sways of the jet as they monitored feeds of Darcy and Steve's security detail.  It was exceptionally quiet and seemed to be running smoothly.  But then again, they had picked Sanchez and his crew for reasons.  They always ran a good mission.  The feed was just showing their parents sitting at a table with Ross, eating dinner and chatting.  

 

He had no idea that it was false footage, and luckily for Darcy and Steve, Natasha was sleeping and wouldn’t be able to figure it out either.

  
  


"We're almost done!" Helen called out excitedly.  "Oh, math problem, uhm...two times two plus the square root of---Tony, this isn't fair!"

 

"Plllppp," Tony blew a raspberry.  "How do you ever expect to get all brilliant again if you don't practice your math?"

 

"Uhm, when I get reserved back to normal age all my brain cells will go back to normal cap-stat-city," Helen shrugged as Tony did the math problem for her.

 

Tony shrugged.  He, Bucky and Nats didn't talk about staying little around Helen anymore.  She was really the only one of them that wanted to grow up so bad, thanks to Wilson.  It was another reason why staying away from Pepper and Happy and Rhodey was a great idea while he was little.  If he was around them, not only would it be SUPER embarrassing, but he also didn't want to have to deal with wanting to be big again too.

 

It was just so much easier to be little and let Darcy and Steve take care of everything.  

 

Well, except for this one thing.

  
  


"You guys ready we're landing in three----two----" Tony announced.  The quinjet hit a landing pad with the last number.  He grinned up at a green Dave and waggled his eyebrows.  "I'm pretty awesome no matter how big I am, right?"

 

"Sure," Dave winced, reaching into his first aid bag and pulling out a bottle of pepto.  He took a healthy swig, winced at it, then took another swig.  "You're the man, Stark.  You're the man."

 

"HOLA FRIENDS!" Friday announced.  "We have a visitor, would you like to play a game of guess who?"

 

Silence greeted Friday the Explorer.  

 

"Okay, here's your first hint, she's named after something that's spicy and she is currently overriding my protocols!" Friday gaily announced.

 

The quinjet bay doors opened and standing at the end of the ramp was someone named after something spicy.  And she had definitely overriden the protocols.  Tony internally winced.  He'd forgotten she had carte blanche overrides to anything and everything he ever did.  He'd have to figure out a way to get those back.

 

"Tony," Pepper said softly, looking down in stunned wonder at the six year old boy with a tablet in his hands and a frozen smirk on his face.  "Is that really you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Steve and Darcy double crossed the kids to get Ross, who is behind all of the attempts to kidnap the kids, and the kids didn't know about the double cross but managed to go do their own thing anyway, but it's all thwarted anyway by Pepper. Cause she's spicy!
> 
> I hope everyone had fun here. Friday the Explorer is my new favorite thing!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	16. Senorita Spicy and El Jefe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh guys. I just. I really love Friday the Explorer. I really, really do!
> 
>  
> 
> spoiler warning: an adult loses their cool in this chapter and threatens a little violence against a small fry.

 

**Chapter Sixteen: Senorita Spicy and El Jefe**

 

* * *

 

"Where's Ross?" 

 

Darcy, Agent Sanchez and the three other SHIELD agents who made up the security detail all managed the most exquisite poker faces.  Darcy even conjured up a very confused face, as if she didn't know who Ross was to begin with.  Steve, bless his heart, managed to shrug and make a vague  _ I don't know face _ .  Maria Hill, whose whole face took up the entirety of the holographic screen in the quinjet rolled her eyes for a full forty-five seconds.  

 

"I've got my SHIELD detainment lead reporting back to me that you have approximately fifty-five unfriendlies, only eleven of which will need immediate medical attention, which I would be congratulating you for, usually," Maria spoke specifically to Steve, who still had that look on his face that he always got when he was trying very hard to lie.  "But Ross is not among any of them.  Anyone care to tell, me, specifically you, Rogers, where the Secretary of State is?"

 

"I don't know," Steve shrugged again.  "He must have gotten away from us."

 

"Really?" Maria sucked in a deep breath, closed her eyes and counted to ten.

 

"Really," Steve nodded.  Darcy discreetly placed a hand on his backside and gave a firm squeeze.  It was a cue they had set up moments before getting on the quinjet.  Steve swallowed once and decided it was better than anything else he could have come up with and gave Maria a smile.  The one that always let him get away with murder when he was a kid, teenager and scrawny adult.  He very rarely had to use it since the serum, since being Captain America let him get away with a lot, but it had come in handy.  

 

He doubted it would work on someone like Maria Hill, though.  It had never worked on Peggy either.

 

Maria squinted at him before putting her hands over her eyes to shield her from that smile that probably could have let Steve get away with literal murder.  

 

"So, when my one scientist who was not actively combatting tiny, mechanical bugs, managed to get a reading that the Bi-Frost had opened up in Washington, DC, it was just a glitch?" she persisted.

 

"Maybe it was the kids with their subterfuge?" Darcy put in helpfully.

 

"You are not allowed to talk," Maria said sternly.  It had not taken Maria very long to know that Darcy could talk her way out of nearly anything.  Pepper had warned her about it back in 2012 on one of their cherished, but few and far between girl's nights out.

 

"Rude," Darcy huffed out.  "Have the kids landed yet?  I'm thinking we can surprise them for good behavior with an ice cream cake."

 

Maria dropped her hand to give Darcy an incredulous look.  She knew what the younger woman was doing.  She knew she was trying to get her off the subject of Ross.  And she knew she shouldn't rise to take the bait.  But just as Steve had a way with charming someone out of their wits with a smile, Darcy had a similar ability.  Derail, distract and absolutely incense a person into a different subject entirely.

 

"Are you FUCKING kidding me?" Maria demanded irately.  She knew what Darcy was doing, but was unable to resist the lure of Darcy’s purposeful idiocy.  "Are you FUCKING serious?"

 

"Director Hill, that's a naughty word and I'm going to write it down and let Dr. Helen know later!" Friday the Explorer interrupted cheerfully.  "This is your tenth time being so naughty in the last hour, so I think now is a GREAT time to sing the Belly Breathe song again."

 

"Don't you fucking dare!" Maria looked around the room at the incorporeal artificial intelligence.  "I will aim a missile right now at your server banks."

 

"Director Hill, that was really mean!" Friday chastised.  "You seem to have forgotten what a true friend is like..."

 

Maria looked ready to explode as Friday launched into a song about friendship to the tune of  _ Row, Row, Row Your Boat _ .  Darcy couldn't help but smirk as she saw someone's toe tapping in the background of the live feed from the Avenger's facility.

 

"You want to reward your kids for good behavior?" Maria shouted over top of Friday's continued warbling about being  _ Friends till the End and Kindness to Others is Kindness to Yourself _ .  "They made the AI system not only useless, it's actually working AGAINST us now, they set out over two hundred mechanical bugs on site that have caused at least one hundred thousand dollars in structural damage, they strung up unapproved defenses that have over three dozen SHIELD agents in medical and had actual plans to leave the base for parts unknown and you want to reward them?"

 

"Sure," Darcy smiled.  "Really, aside from wanting to leave base without permission, they did a great job of defending their home and each other."

 

"I hate you, Lewis," Maria spat out.  

 

"Hey!" Steve shook his head at Hill with warning.

 

"It's okay, honey, she doesn't mean it," Darcy said knowingly.  "It's like complicated girl talk."

 

"The kids are still up in the air, I'll let Lang know they can come down," Maria grumbled.  "Friday?"

 

"Hola, Director Hill!" Friday chirped.

 

"Can we get a super SECRET message to Snottie telling him that it's okay to start in on the fun going home adventure that we had planned?" Maria asked with a curious blend of childish enthusiasm and absolute disgust.  

 

"Oh, no, Mi apologia's, Maria," Friday said, the Irish lilt mixing in with the overly decorous Spanish pronunciations.  "The Fun Going Home Adventure has been cancelled!"

 

"What?" Maria looked livid.

 

"The fun going home adventure was cancelled and rescheduled.  It'll start as soon as the original adventure adventure is finished," Friday relayed.  

 

"Friday?" Darcy wondered.

 

"Hola Mami!" Friday greeted cheerfully.  "I have a message for you."

 

"Okay, I'd love to hear it!" Darcy chirped back.  She'd been watching a lot of children's programming in the last two months.  Like Agent Sanchez, she spoke very fluent kid's show.

 

"Great!" Friday exclaimed.  "Now, there's a super secret question guarding the treasure box holding your message.  Do you think you can answer the super secret question?"

 

"I'll do my best!" Darcy promised.

 

"Fantastico!" Friday cheered.  "Mami, the question is, who do you love the best?"

 

"Oh, that's a hard question," Darcy nodded. "But I think I know the right answer."

 

"Okay, let's hear it!" Friday encouraged.

 

"I love all of my kids just the same, which is the most," Darcy answered.  "More than coffee."

 

"You're RIGHT!" Friday cheered, and the holographic screen filled with balloons and confetti.  A cartoon treasure box appeared on screen and creaked open, revealing a pirate scroll.  "Let's read the message together!"

 

_ Dear Mommy and Daddy, _

 

_ We are just fine, don't worry.  We had to go on an error run.  We'll be back by bedtime with our babysitters and we love you very very very very much.  Have fun with your SMOOOCHIES and kid-free pirate-see. _

 

"Friday, is there any kind of fun game we can play where I can find out where the kids are right now?" Darcy wondered.

 

"Oh, I'd love to play a fun game with you, Mami," Friday promised.  "But I already played the fun, find out where the quinjet game is.  Looks like someone beat you to it.  And that game was only allowed once.  But let's look for---"

 

"Friday," Steve interrupted.  He didn't talk children's shows as well as Darcy did, but he had seen enough as well in the last two months.  "Can we play a game where we find out who---uhm, who played the find out where the quinjet game is...game?"

 

"First off, Papi," Friday said sternly, pausing only a moment when she heard Agent Sanchez snort with barely contained laughter.  "It's not polite to interrupt like that.  We want Doctor Helen to be less rude when she's being bossy, so you have to set a good example.  I think that you should have to sing the  _ Be Polite just Because _ song."

 

"Sure, I'll sing it, and I'm sorry?" Steve ventured.  He was verging on a panic here.  They'd dealt with the one threat that seemed to want the kids, but who knew if there were others out there already?   He took a deep breath as Darcy's shaking hand slid from his bottom to the small of his back, stroking there intently.  "But, can we please, play a game to find out who knows where the kids are first?"

  
  


"Okay, I don't have a pre-programmed game for that," Friday faltered.  The AI quickly recovered though.  "I'll give you the same hints I gave Tony!  The person who played the game earlier and got the quinjet to land where it landed is named after something SPICY and overrode my protocols!"

 

"Pepper," Darcy breathed in relief as Sanchez stepped forward and began planning the route to New York City instead of the Avenger's facility.

 

"She's at Stark Tower, she wasn't supposed to be, but when we knew what we were doing today, we kept her plane grounded instead of heading West," Hill reported quickly. "You authorized giving her twice daily reports on the kid's well-being, when everything went to shit earlier, she missed her afternoon report, and probably wanted to investigate."

 

"Miss Spicy Pepper was not so great at playing the game, she swore eighteen times and threatened to melt my server banks!" Friday reported with childish indignity.  "She used her super secret special password and managed to make Friday tell her where the kids were and then made them land the plane right away!"

 

"I'm sure Pepper is sorry, Friday," Darcy promised.

 

"I'm going to send her a fruit basket," Maria muttered.

 

"Director Hill, Friday heard that!" the AI sing-songed.  "I think it's time to sing the  _ Ship Shape up Your Attitude  _  song again."

 

"Don't you dare you fucking evil---"

 

Friday interrupted with the sound of trumpets playing out  _ Row Row Your Boat  _ again.

 

" _ Your attitude is no bueno, Your attitude is no bueno.. _ ."

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


"This place is AMAZING!" Bucky whispered as Pepper marched behind four kids and four babysitters, her arms crossed and her face resolute.

 

He had never been inside Stark Towers before, he was pretty sure about that.  He would have remembered the cool steps leading from the landing pad to the penthouse patio below.  There were all kinds of fantastic and imaginative little machines everywhere.  It looked like something straight out of the future, all cool glass and smooth metal.  Natasha was happily showing Bucky what some of the machines did, namely the one at the bottom of the landing pad that would have normally removed grown up Tony's Iron Man suit.  The two year old had Tony's tablet in her hands and was telling it what to do by hitting the green button repeatedly.  

 

It was unclear whether the toddler had intended for Tony's machine to begin to try to undress Scott Lang and the Three Wombats.  But intended or not, the results had Helen laughing and covering her face and Bucky watching in amazement.  

 

"DUDE!" Scott yelled out as one of the robot arms goosed him in an effort to take off backside armor.

 

"Seriously?" Dave indignantly hissed as two robotic arms massaged his pecs.  "I've been treated better in prison."

 

"Sorries!" Natasha called out gaily, not one bit sorry as Luis shrieked as the crotch armor remover tried to remove crotch armor.  Once they were all inside the penthouse, Natasha threw down the tablet on the closest plush, low couch and then grabbed Bucky's left hand, pulling him further into the penthouse, intent on impressing him with more robotics and machinery.

 

Scott and his cohorts slowly trudged to the bar, and Kurt did not hesitate to reach for four bottles on the highest shelf, indiscriminate of what they were.  The four babysitters quickly had taken swigs, clearly willing to give the CEO of Stark Industries complete responsibility over their fiendish charges.

 

"What are you doing here?" Pepper wondered as Helen and Tony stood side by side, staring up at Pepper appraisingly.

 

"We had to get somethin' we needed," Helen explained vaguely.  "We should probably go, but now our sitters are getting in tax and Kate'd, and I don't think we can drive."

 

"Happy is here, he could drive you," Pepper said automatically, focusing on Tony and his uncharacteristic shyness.  

 

"No," Tony looked down at the ground.

 

"Dr. Cho, could you give Tony and I a moment to talk?" Pepper wondered hopefully.

 

"I don't know," Helen hedged, her hand going to Tony's automatically to comfort the little boy she viewed as her older brother now.  "Tony didn't want to see you, and I think he's over whaled right now."

 

"Oh," Pepper nodded.  She bit at her bottom lip and knelt down on the ground so that she was face to face with the two children.  Helen was staring back at her with open curiosity.  They'd met once or twice before, with Pepper being the one to seek out the brilliant young doctor for Stark Industries.  But Helen had been incredibly  _ over whaled  _ herself, even as an adult when faced with Pepper Potts.  It was kind of refreshing to see her bravely staring Pepper in the face as she clutched Tony's hand.  "Do you happen to know why Tony didn't want to see me or talk to me?"

 

"I have some high pop the says," Helen nodded solemnly.  She felt Tony squeeze her hand, his face still downcast to the floor.  It felt like permission.  

 

"I'd love to hear your hypothesis," Pepper nodded.

 

"Tony likes being little," Helen shrugged.  She worked her little mouth into a pucker as she thought of the best way to explain what she inherently knew.  "I don't like being little as much, I mean, it's nice, cause we got Mommy and Daddy now, and I have brothers and a little sister, and that's so nice.  It's like a vacation from being a grownup, and we play all the time together.  And mommy and daddy love us so much, and that's real nice."

 

"I'll bet it is," Pepper nodded, her eyes skating from their focus on Helen momentarily to look at Tony, who gave a little nod of his head.  Pepper knew better than any living person what Tony had suffered at the hands of his father.  Tony was no stranger to emotional abuse that had fostered a lifetime of doubt and insecurity leading to everything else that had happened to him.  

 

All previous arguments between the two men aside, Pepper was sure that Steve Rogers was a wonderful father to Tony.  And Pepper knew for a fact that Darcy was a wonderful mother figure for Tony as well, certainly more hands on than Tony's own mother had been.  Of course Tony would enjoy having a carefree, happy childhood in a busy, happy home with loving siblings and parents.

 

"I want to grow up, cause I have a boyfriend that I wanna marry!" Helen announced, a big grin taking over her face and crinkling her eyes with happiness.  "His name is Sam Wilson, and he can fly, and he's so cute and he gives great hugs, but since I'm little, we can't do grown up kissing and Sam gets sad cause I'm not a grown up sometimes."

 

"That makes sense," Pepper nodded in agreement.  "It must be very hard for Sam to spend a lot of time around you, because he probably likes you very much as a little girl, but he misses his grown up girlfriend."

 

"Yeah," Helen nodded sadly.  She shrugged and looked to Tony quickly, wondering if she should say more or stop talking completely.  His lips pursed again and pushed a little to the right, which he always did when he wanted an extra cuddle from Mommy or Daddy, so Helen figured it meant more.  "But Tony likes being little, and he doesn't have a boyfriend like Sam Wilson, you know?"

 

"Yes, I know," Pepper nodded, a little confused.  

 

"And if he didn't have a Sam Wilson around, getting all the sads cause he was too little to kiss, then he could stay little and not be too---too---simple pathetic," Helen said softly.  "And if he wasn't hurting nobody like his own Sam Wilson and his real good friends, then he can be little for as long as he wants.  And like, if I never saw Sam that first day months and months ago, then I might not have remembered how bad I wanted to be big again.  So if Tony doesn't see his Sam Wilson, then---"

 

"Oh!" Pepper's eyes went a little wide.  She looked to Tony again, suddenly getting a little perspective into why Tony had whole heartedly refused to see her, Rhodey or Happy for the last two months.  It was a little selfish of him, and at the same time a little selfless of him, which was so very much like the grownup Tony she had come to love so dearly.  

 

"There's other reasons too," Helen nodded.  "Like reverse base act two me's and having cute babies with his face."

 

"What?" Pepper blinked.

 

"You wanted to have babies in your belly, and Tony couldn't give 'em to you cause he thinks that's a bad idea," Helen nodded.  "Either that or his bullets don't come out right, but I told him I could fix that when I'm growed up, his bullets'll shoot GREAT once I put his test or calls in a special fix 'em up machine---"

 

"HEY! MY TEST OR CALLS WORK JUST FINE!" Tony insisted, looking shocked and horrified as he heard Scott Lang have a little snort of laughter over by the bar.  "SHUT UP SNOTTIE!  FRIDAY?!?"

 

"Hola Boss!  It's so good to hear from you, do you want to have another adventure?" Friday wondered.

 

"SEND A SUIT THAT'LL FIT SNOTTIE AND THEN FLY HIM UP TO GET HIT BY A PLANE!" Tony yelled.

 

"CAN DO!" Friday agreed and the sounds of machinery from a floor above started to echo throughout the penthouse. Scott immediately yelped in fear and jumped behind the bar.  To their credit, the three wombats went for weapons to defend their friend, but they were still laden down with children's items, and it was unclear what kind of damage a box of crayons, a to-go pack of wipe 'ems and Helen's favorite stuffed kitty cat would do.

  
  


"Tony, TONY!" Pepper stood up and looked to the ceiling.  "Friday, cancel that."

 

"I'm sorry Senorita Spicy, but I---"

 

"Friday, cancel that, I already gave you my override, you insufferable bitch," Pepper growled out.

 

"oooooooooy!" Helen pointed at Pepper with wide, unblinking eyes.

 

"So, if you're not gonna let me destroy Snottie, can you at least let us go finish our mission?" Tony wondered, kicking at air with his velcro sneaker clad foot.  Pepper smirked when she saw the tiny strobe lights built into the sneaker go off when his heel came down.  

 

"Sorry Senor Jefe!  Agent Nats and Winter Bucky are handling the mission," Friday announced.  "They should be complete in the next ten minutes."

 

"BUT I WANTED TO 'SPLODE STUFF!" Tony wailed out in annoyance.

 

"I thought they needed our help?" Dave demanded.  "I thought I was gonna get into a good safe tonight..."

 

"She never actually needs our help," Scott sighed.  "With Barnes, she has the motor skills needed to get anywhere she wants."

 

"I'm sorry, what are the adorable ex-KGB super weapons doing in my tower?" Pepper wondered of the already intoxicated babysitters.

 

"They wanted to get something out of the safe," Luis ratted the children out quickly.  He was pretty sure they wouldn’t blame him.  Pepper Potts was scary, even without the Extremis thing going on. "Like, not money, or anything, cause Tony can just get money if he wants to, which is crazy yo, like it's the plot to one of those movies from the 90's, where the kid was super rich and did whatever, but learned that the true meaning of life was in friendship and not, like, things and shii-stuff.  What's that one movie called?"

 

"Richie Rich," Kurt supplied.  He leveled Tony with a somewhat menacing look.  "I hated Richie Rich."

 

"Yeah, that one, and then the one where Richard Pryor was on the little train?" Luis looked up to the ceiling in thought.  He shrugged it off quick enough and smiled back at Pepper, "But yeah, we weren't here to steal your money Senorita Spicy, we were just here to go and steal something the kids won't tell us about, but apparently is super important for their pops.  And you know, I kind of am in love with their pops, but in a way that's not like I want to steal him from their ma, but just sort of want to you know, worship him platonically.  And I'm confident enough in my hella dope masculinity to say that, cause, you know... _ Steve Rogers _ ."

 

"That's good to know," Pepper blinked at him.

 

"I wanted to explode things," Tony sulked.  "Sir Chats-a-lot, give me the bag of explosives, I'm gonna explode something!"

 

"NO, YOU'RE NOT!" Pepper insisted, unable to keep her voice from rising pretty quickly.

 

"YES. I. AM." Tony stamped his feet with every word, the angry effect wearing off with every blink of his light up sneakers.  "YOU'RE NOT MY MOM! YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND AND I CAN EXPLODE WHATEVER I WANT SO LONG AS I PAY FOR IT LATERS!"

 

"Tony, no, the gold stars," Helen warned in a whisper.

 

"WHAT GOLD STARS?" Pepper demanded.  Her temper was flaring and it was she could do not to have her hands heat up as she pointed at Tony and said, "YOU LITTLE PIECE OF----"

 

Helen gasped.

 

" _ Booger _ !" Pepper finished.  "I will take ALL of the gold stars, EVER, if you keep this crap up!"

 

"You're AWFUL with kids, why do you even want 'em?!?" Tony screeched at her willfully.  

 

"WHO IN THE HELL SAID I WANTED KIDS?!?" Pepper yelled back.  

 

"YOU SAID...you said," Tony shrugged.

 

"Tony, I wanted a PUPPY.  A rescue dog," Pepper laughed.  "I do NOT want kids.  I promise you that.  I mean, I'm pretty close to strangling you right now. I thought that I did for like, a week a few years ago, but then I realized they were a fucking nightmare.  Like you are right now.  And seriously, keep giving me that bratty face, and I  _ will _ strangle you..."

 

"Uhoh!" Friday chimed in.  "A threat to the physical safety of my friends is a BIG no no, Senorita Spicy!  Because you couldn't figure out a way to talk out your differences with El Jefe, this means you've activated the super fun parental guidance override."

 

"Wait, what?" Tony blinked owlishly.  He hadn't programmed such a thing.

 

"I wrote it myself, El Jefe!" Friday proudly exclaimed.  "Senor Vision told me it was a smart thing to do, and I'm so glad I can do it.  Patching in Mami and Papi...count it down with me everyone!"

 

To their credit the very sloshed babysitters began to count raucously.

 

"THREE!  TWO!! ONE!!!"

 

Darcy and Steve appeared on the big screen in the recessed couch pit of the penthouse.  They looked...unhappy.

 

"OH NO!" Helen wailed out, instantaneously in tears.

 

Pepper cringed and looked completely out of her element.  But she was regarding Tony, who she still kind of wanted to strangle, and the look on his face was a thing of beauty.  He looked scared and guilty because obviously, he'd been caught at something naughty.   But there was also a little light in his eyes.  Gone was the temperamental anger and tantrum face, instead he had a small hapless smile fighting at his lips as he saw his new parents on the screen looking concerned, but ultimately relieved that Tony was safe and sound.  It was kind of a beautiful thing, if Pepper was being honest, and she understood why he would want to stay a child and not have anything or anyone to tempt him away from his second childhood.

 

"Tony?" Steve questioned.  "Friday said that someone threatened you, are you alright?  Who was it?  One of the Wombats?"

 

"HEY!" Luis called out in dispute.  "I mean, Hey, respectfully, but I don't hit kids!  That's just...not cool, man.  I can't believe Captain America thinks I would threaten adorable kids.  My world is like, shattered."

 

"Sorry, Luis," Steve apologized sincerely, his focus still on Tony and Helen.

 

"You know what would make me believe you were sorry?" Luis mumbled.

 

"I'll get a suit specially made for you and let you use the shield for pictures," Steve sighed.  He shook his head slightly when Luis did an enthusiastic fist pump before high-fiving his friends.  Steve looked at Tony critically then and said, "We're on our way, Sanchez will drop us in about ten minutes."

 

"Awww, test or calls," Tony sighed.

 

"It was me, Steve, I just---lost my cool," Pepper announced. "And said I'd like to strangle him...a little."

 

"Uncool, Pepp. He's six," Darcy scolded seriously.  Sure, she was Pepper Potts and she was terrifying, but Darcy really didn’t give a damn when it came to her kids.

 

"Yeah, I get that," Pepper sighed.  "He wanted to explode things."

 

"And I WOULD'VE been able to, but you distracted me with your dumb pretty face and your perfect and stupid shiny hair!" Tony accused.

 

"You know what?!?" Pepper glared down at the six year old version of her on again, off again paramor.  

 

"Pepper..." Darcy tried to soothe the savage beast.  The last time she had heard that tone from Pepper had been when Darcy and Jane had stupidly taken Pepper to a tremendous clothing sale, very good deals, entirely invitation only, and crawling with vicious shoppers.  Pepper had been like a wet alley cat then.  

 

"If your parents don't get here in the next nine minutes, I'm going to grab you by your ankle, and hang you upside down from Dum-E!" Pepper threatened.  "And then I'm going to make you listen to  _ Now That's What I Call Music 4 _ !"

 

"THAT'S THE WORST ONE!" Tony shouted, absolutely flabbergasted.  "YOU MEAN OLD BEAUTIFUL WITCH!"

 

"Tony!" Steve scolded.  He turned from the screen and said, "Sanchez, floor it, or Tony's getting thrown from Stark Tower in a fiery ball of death."

 

"YOU AWFUL, EVIL, VILE ADORABLE LITTLE MONSTER!" Pepper's face was turning red, and did look a little...fiery.  

 

" _ **HEY**_!" Darcy yelled, and really, the mom voice worked on everyone now.  Even Kurt and Dave dropped their drinks and looked to the screen in fright of what kind of verbal tongue lashing the little mother was going to dish out.

 

Darcy blew out a quick breath before blinking and looking at the screen, searching everywhere.  She turned pale and whispered, "Where are Bucky and Nats?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. Pepper made the right call. She does not have the patience for tiny tots. Especially those that are Tony-esque in nature and attitude. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	17. A Pair of Mother Russia’s Finest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a big weekend, but I'm excited to have still gotten this finished. (Please ignore any typos. I'll fix them when I have clearer eyes).
> 
> So, to recap. The kids did a double cross and wound up in NYC with the Three Wombats. Darcy and Steve finished their mission of finding out who was after the kids (it was Secretary of State, Numbnuts Ross), and they dispatched with him (Sent him to Planet Hulk, we think!). And when Darcy and Steve met up with a seriously out of her depth Pepper, they realized that Buckya nd Nat were gone.
> 
> And here is what they were doing...

**Chapter Seventeen:  A Pair of Mother Russia’s Finest**

 

* * *

 

 

"This Nats' room...some time.  Not since Ult-poopface."

 

Bucky looked around in wonder, a state he was getting used to at Stark Tower.  Everything he looked at was somehow fantastical and futuristic and absolutely amazing.  Bucky wished that he and Tony could have gotten along better before they were made into kids and subsequently, brothers.  He would have loved to live in a place where the doors slid open for you, and the showers knew who you were, and the refrigerators said hello and offered  you a nice glass of cold water as you passed.  

 

And he'd so far collected six or seven tiny little robots that had been following him around as he followed Natasha around the Tower (something about the vibranium arm attracted them to him like flies to honey).  She'd showed him all of the wonders of the penthouse, before they took a secret passageway that Clint used to use when the Avengers had spent more time in New York City.  Before Ultron.  Or Ult-poopface as Nats referred to him.  

 

The tiny toddler had been gleefully giving Bucky a tour, showing him where she kept the best weapons all around the Tower, and also the cooler things that she knew he enjoyed.  

 

"Do you think Tony'll let me keep her?" Bucky asked hopefully as he held up a small robot the size of a hockey puck, that had been dusting Natasha's long unused apartment faithfully.

 

"Nats'll make him let you," Natasha nodded with a happy little smile pushing her rounded cheeks up in a way that made her eyes squint.    She really loved seeing that awestruck happy look on Bucky's face.  It made her all warm and happy inside, like how she felt when her Mommy gave her hot chocolate with half a bag of marshmallows.  Or when her Daddy let her get away with extra candy and then gave her a big, giant, super strong hug.  

 

"I'm gonna name her, Alice," Bucky nodded, patting the little cleaning bot, his face lighting up even brighter when the thing hummed happily at him.  

 

"C'mon!" Nats yanked on Bucky's metal hand again, dragging him to the bedroom she had called her own less than two years ago.  "Look at a bed!"

 

"Fun," Bucky nodded.  He wasn't tired though.  And the only thing he and Natasha did in bed anymore was sleep.  

 

They used to wrestle.  Or at least Bucky thinks they used to wrestle.  It  _ felt  _ like wrestling.

 

"Watch Nats," Natasha nodded before climbing up on the large King sized bed, still neatly made and clean.  She gave Bucky a brilliant, eye crinkling grin before launching herself up wards.  "Five little Nats is jumping onna bed.  She fell off 'n bumped her head!"

 

Natasha waited until she was as high as possible before falling back to the bed and lying herself in a purposefully dramatic pose.  She lifted her head a little, one eye shut tightly and the other open,

 

"Bucky call a doctor 'n a doctor said..."

 

She gave him a cheeky little grin, one eye still tightly shut as she waited for him to finish her song.  Bucky felt like bursting with absolute love and adoration for her.  She was his absolute most favorite person on the face of the planet.  He loved his Pop plenty, and he really loved his Ma.  And he loved Helen and he was pretty sure he loved Tony in a way now too. 

 

But he wanted to spend ALL of his time with Natasha.  Little or grownup, it didn't matter.  He just knew that he never wanted to lose her again, because he wanted to be at her side for the rest of whatever life would ever bring them.  

 

Natasha made a little dancing squirm on the bed as she waited patiently and Bucky laughed before saying in a sing song voice, "No more Nats, jumping on the bed!"

 

"Naaaaaaaah," Natasha shook her head before popping back up on her feet again and repeating her song.  Bucky started jumping with her and Natasha knew his impressed face meant that she was right.  Their bed at Mommy and Daddy's place at the upstate Avenger's facility was nice, more than nice.  It was perfect, really.  But there was something about this bed right here that was just made for jumping.  

 

They sang through the song for at least five minutes, Bucky's patience for the repetition that Natasha needed now was limitless.  

 

"HOLA TINY TERROR TWINS!" Friday announced.  "El Jefe told me to tell you a secret, do you want to hear it?"

 

"YAAAAAAS!" Bucky and Natasha both yelled out loudly and eagerly.

 

"Your Mommy and your Daddy are on their way, you have ten minutes to finish your adventure!" Friday warned them cheerfully.  

 

"OH! Nats wants a candy," Natasha furrowed her tiny brow.  

 

"C'mon, Nats, we'll manage to find the candy too," Bucky promised, and the two of them were off like rockets.  

 

"Friday is holding a SUPER SPECIAL elevator for you at the end of the hall!" Friday reminded them.  "Now what do you say?"

 

"Thank you Friday, that's really swell of you," Bucky smiled up at the ceiling.  

 

"You get extra points for being so polite, Bucky!" Friday announced.  What the points were for, no one knew, but Bucky liked getting points, nonetheless.  He wondered if they could somehow translate them into good behavior gold stars so that he could get Nats to Disney faster.

 

The two kids got into the elevator that Friday had waiting for them.  They rocketed downwards, going nearly a hundred floors in no time.  Natasha reached out a hand and held onto Bucky's left one just as the elevator rushed to a stop at the bottom, before rocketing forward instead of down, heading away from Stark Tower faster than any subway.  

 

"Hi!  It's Friday, remember me?" Friday asked happily.

 

"HI FRIDAY!" Natasha waved her free hand to the elevator door.

 

"Mami and Papi are SO mad.  Daddy has to sing the Kindness song, at least ten times!" Friday reported.  "And now Mami is crying because Friday can't tell her where the tiny terror twins are adventuring to."

 

"Ma's cryin?" Bucky fretted.  He looked to Natasha with a small, worried pout.  Natasha shook her head and squeezed uselessly against vibranium.  

 

"No, James, no," she insisted.  "Friday, tell Mommy ’n Daddy that Nats and James is okay. Okay?"

 

"Okiedokie, artichokey!"  Friday confirmed.  She took a moment as the children zoomed along.  "Papi says that's not good enough and he said that you better go to the penthouse right away, but he didn't say please, so I think you can ignore him!"

 

"We gotta be quick," Bucky sighed.   It had been a long time since he'd been out and about in New York City.  Dreams of FAO Schwartz danced in his head, and he could remember just staring at the building as a child, with Steve by his side, not daring to even go inside, lest they ruin all the fine toys there.  He'd give just about anything to run around the store with Nats and Tony and Helen.  

 

And he knew his Ma would let him have all the toys he could reasonably carry.  Which was a lot of toys.

 

And he wondered if that sweets store still existed in the nicer edge of Steve and his old neighborhood, because if it did, then they would definitely have to stop in and get some of those rock candies for Natasha.  She'd love them.  

 

The elevator car came to a stop and Natasha used her leverage on Bucky's arm to stop the both of them from falling forward.  The underground car was a great way to get around to certain spaces in the city. Grandpa Nicky-Nick Fury had negotiated pretty heavily to have them added to Stark's designs.  

 

They were pretty handy to get around the city quick when necessary.  Grown up Natasha had only used it once to go and get pizza.  But it had been a pizza emergency according to Jane Foster and Thor, so that accounted for something.  Natasha drug Bucky out of the car very quickly and she darted down a dark sewer like corridor before she arrived at a circular safe like door that had what looked like a Friday panel on the outside of it.

 

"Knock knock!" Natasha whispered to the panel, then did a little squirmy shimmy as she waited with baited breath for the answer back.

 

"WHO GOES THERE?" the voice that boomed back at her was reminiscent of the Wizard of Oz.

 

"Nats wants treasures," she said decisively.

 

"Scanning for security clearance," the Oz-like voice informed her.

 

"Uh oh," Nats blinked up at the the thing, a good two feet above her head.  She giggled when Bucky immediately lifted her up so that her eyeballs were in the right place.  She hugged Bucky's forearms that were wrapped around her and said, "James is a good James."

 

"Thanks, doll," Bucky smacked a kiss to the top of her head before putting her down as the door opened, perhaps for the first time ever.  They walked into a vault room of the most secure bank in the world, easy as pie, and Bucky was thankful they managed to shake the Three Worm Cats off their tail.  Those guys were nice and pretty decent babysitters, but it would just be too tempting to give them these easy breaking in secrets.  "Wonder what Pop put in his safety pots it box?  Aside from the ring."

 

"Daddy got James pretty watch 'n Pegs compass n' Coulson's messy card," Natasha rattled off as she smashed a button on her phone, conversing with Friday to freeze cameras and hide her tracks.  They began walking through the vault, intent on getting to Steve Rogers' rarely visited safe deposit box.  "N' gum!  OH!  He took Nats' gum, less get it back!"

 

"Nats, doll, you're too little for gum," Bucky said gently.  "We'll try to convince Ma and Pop that we should get some candy before we head back."

 

"Take. It. Back." Natasha said fiercely, crossing pudgy little arms in front of her.  In her mind, she was not too little for anything.  It  made her suddenly cross that Bucky would think her too little to do something.

 

"Take what back?  That we'll go and get candy?  Cause you love candy more than me!" Bucky laughed.

 

Natasha may have looked serious before, but now she looked horrified.  

 

"TAKE IT BACK!" she shrieked before tackling him to the ground.  

 

Bucky winced, thinking he was in for a big ouchie booboo and there was nothing at all he could do about it.  He would never lift a finger to hurt Natasha ever again in his whole life.  He remembered some stuff from when he was bigger. He definitely had hurt her before and he would never do it again.

 

"James, James, take it back," Natasha begged, sounding desperate as instead of hitting him, as Bucky had feared she would do, she simply cuddled him fiercely, her arms wrapped around his midsection, her face buried in his right armpit.  "Take it back..."

 

"Take what back, doll?" Bucky let his right hand go to the back of her head and stroke there.  Maybe their mom was right and maybe they really did need naps even with super serum variants running rampant through their systems.  

 

"Nats loves James the most," Natasha whimpered.  "More 'n candy.  More 'n anything.  Nats loves James more 'n anything."

 

"I was mean to you," Bucky whispered, struck stupid by her truthful, emotional outburst.  "I was mean to you when we were bigger.  I was so mean to you."

 

"NO," Natasha insisted.  "James makes Nats strong.  Nats loves James more 'n candy."

 

"Alright," Bucky said softly, his left arm going around her little body and squeezing gently.  "I love you too, doll."

 

"More 'n Daddy?" Natasha mumbled hopefully.

 

"And in a different way than I love Pop," Bucky nodded.  

 

"Nats wants to be big enough for kisses," she said thoughtfully.  "Just a little."

 

Bucky laughed and leaned his head down to place a soft kiss on her cheek.  

 

"We'll grown up eventually, doll," Bucky promised.  "Now c'mon.  We have to go and break into a safe and get the ring and then we'll see what we can do about candy."

 

* * *

 

 

"It's behind the lamppost!  look behind the lamppost!"

 

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!  It's hiding behind the cotton candy cart!"

 

Darcy blinked as Pepper berated Kurt while the CEO of Stark Industries and Scott Lang and the Three Wombats tried to outwit Friday the Explorer.  The artificial intelligence system seemed to be drunk with power, but thankfully not the kind of koolaid that Ultron had been drinking.  She was rewriting her own protocol constantly, trying to be helpful to everyone in her own unique, Friday the Explorer kind of way.

 

Friday knew where Bucky and Natasha were.  She was forbidden to tell the adults where the children were until physical violence was threatened against the children.  Tony and Helen wouldn't budge either, saying that Bucky and Natasha were perfectly safe and they were just running an errand that they needed to have run.  Helen had even bravely forfeited all seventy-two of her gold behavior stars she had earned in the past few weeks.  She absolutely refused to turn in her pseudo-siblings.

 

She did sniffle and cry a little about it, and both Darcy and Steve knew that if Natasha and Bucky came back in one piece, then they'd probably give Helen her stars back.  They’d get a verbal lashing from Maria Hill, but they’d do it.

 

Friday could sense Steve and Darcy's panic.  Literally, in Darcy's case.  The mother of four's heart rate and blood pressure were to the ceiling and Friday had helpfully informed Steve to go on a quest to find a seat for the poor woman before she passed out from anxiety.  

 

Friday didn't like upsetting Darcy.  She was Tony's Mami, and therefore was obviously held in high esteem by Friday.  And Steve Rogers was a nice guy most days, according to Tony.  And he was very worried about the wandering children and now Darcy herself as she took deep even breaths to try and calm herself.  

 

Steve's vitals were perfect, but Friday calculated that his vitals were always perfect, except for that moment right before he and Darcy's nightly "news watching" came to an end.  Then his heart beat did amazing somersaults that Friday thought were truly fascinating, whether she be in her Explorer form or her regular form.

 

"Sweetheart, you okay?" Steve whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind Darcy's ear.

 

"They're just so small and helpless," Darcy lamented.

 

Scott gave a snort from the bar where the three Wombats and Pepper Potts were trying to play the holoscreen game that Friday had given them to give clues as to where Bucky and Natasha were.  

 

"They're totally fine," Scott promised.  "They're the two most capable people on Earth, no matter how old they actually are."

 

“Mother Russia did some things right,” Dave shrugged.  “I mean, she fuu---”

 

Helen gasped.

 

“Messed them up too,” Dave saved himself.  “But yeah, they’re capable, Mrs. Rogers, don’t worry.”

 

Steve’s breath stuttered a little as he tried to calm Darcy by stroking her knee.  Dave always referred to Darcy as Mrs. Rogers, and no one had bothered to correct him that Steve and Darcy weren’t actually married.  Steve would be lying if he said he wanted Dave to stop calling Darcy that.  Felt kind of nice to hear, actually.

 

"Yeah," Darcy nodded a little, trying to convince herself of that.  She felt a burning lump in the back of her throat and her eyes began to tear instantly despite her attempts to calm down.

 

Steve felt his heart in a vice as he saw Darcy's despair and heartbreak right in front of him.  He went from kneeling in front of her to up on the couch in no time, wrapping her up in a tight embrace and stroking his hand through her hair.

 

"Everything is going to be okay, I promise,  _ I promise you _ , Darcy.  I'll go out and find them right now," Steve swore.  

 

"I just...I love them so much!" Darcy whimpered into the crook of Steve's neck.  "I didn't know you could love other people this much that you weren't...you know, romantically with.  I didn't know I could love someone so much, and I don't know what I'd do if something---if something---"

 

"Mami!  It's Friday!" Friday announced.

 

"Friday, please, not now," Steve said softly.

 

"Kudos to you, Papi for using your manners!" Friday congratulated.  "Bucky and Nats have relayed a super secret message and want you to have it!"

 

"Please, yes, let's read it together!" Steve made sure to sound extra excited to placate the sabotaged AI system as he turned Darcy in his arms.  

 

_ Dear Mommy and Daddy, _

_ We're so sorry we had to go and get something we needed cause of reasons. _

 

_ Can we please make it up to you by buying you toys at FAO Schwartz?  We'll meet you there in fifteen minutes! _

_ Love, _

_ Bucky and Natasha." _

 

"I'm gonna---I'm gonna strangle him when he's grown up again," Steve whispered.  He closed his eyes and felt all the tension leave his body, as well as Darcy's.  She melted into him, going a little boneless in her relief and he could feel her breath pushing against his skin in a long rush.  "Thank, fucking, God."

 

"OYyyyyy Daddy!" Helen said softly.  "I deserve one of my gold stars back 'cause you swore."

 

* * *

 

 

"DADDY!"  

 

Natasha was on top of Steve no sooner had they exited the large limo that Happy had driven them in.  Of course none of the six adults in the car had seen Natasha while they pulled up, and Agent Sanchez had not reported seeing her or Bucky on the ground while his team scoured the area.  

 

The toy store had been conveniently evacuated thanks to a call from Maria Hill.  She'd rather ruin the fun for families and kids for the last fifteen minutes of the store being open to the public than run the security risk of having "the little monsters" around "the normals".  Pepper had gotten in touch with the upper echelon of the store management and provided a portion of Tony's chrome budget as bonuses for employee discretion and overtime.   Pepper also had her on call "Tony disaster" staff, who had been woefully unoccupied as Darcy and Steve handled Tony's day to day disasters now, rushing into the store to get the ten employees who had agreed to stay to sign NDA's.  

 

It was a big operation when all was said and done.  

 

Steve was adding it to the list of things Natasha and Bucky owed him after they were bigger.  He was thinking of trading in their misdeeds for their future silence regarding picking on him about Darcy.  He was using the fact that he now administered Bucky's bathtimes as future insurance against any spectacularly reckless stunts he may have to pull.  He was looking forward to the day when Bucky tried to scold him about jumping from a building or something similar with, "I used to wash behind your ears and dry your butt with a warm, fluffy towel".  

 

But this latest stunt of the kids REALLY took the cake.  Darcy was keeping it together the whole ride to the toy store, but he could feel her hand attempting to shake as he held it fast.  He ignored the gossiping, assessing looks from Pepper as he pulled Darcy close in the backseat of the limo, his lips finding the side of her temple often.  She was still sort of a mess, and Steve understood how she felt.  They both knew now that the love they had for the four people who had been de-aged into children was the all encompassing love that parents always waxed poetic about.  

 

As it turned out, those poetic parents had been absolutely right.  When a person assumes responsibility for a child, when they become a real parent, they love them so much, it consumes them.  And not in that passionate way that fickle romantic love has, where it burns bright and fast and hot.  This parental love seeped into a person’s bones and became an integral part of their every waking moment.  The four children may not look to Steve and Darcy for physical safety all the time, as they were terrifyingly capable of protecting each other.  But they looked to their parents for emotional safety and stability and happiness.  

 

And Darcy and Steve spent nearly every waking moment trying to give the kids that.  Safety, warmth, and happiness.  Steve was proud to provide it for them. His own happiness now depended on making those kids feel loved.

 

He wouldn't know what either of them would do if something bad happened to them.  

 

He blamed that parental, unconditional love for not remembering being angry at Natasha as she quickly climbed up his body to give him a strong and tight embrace.  She smelled like a combination of the  lavender fabric softener that Darcy used to wash the clothing in, the baby powder they used for her diapered bottom and something vaguely metallic in nature.  Natasha gave the best hugs.  Grown or small, the only person to give better hugs was Darcy (the reason behind this was because Darcy was the one to TEACH grown Natasha how to hug).  Steve took a deep inhale of Natasha's unique baby scent and the metal smell seemed a little stronger.  He looked to his left and sure enough Bucky was in Darcy's arms, holding on tight to his Ma as she stroked his back and cried silently.

 

"They PLANNED that," Scott huffed out drunkenly in a whisper to his equally intoxicated cohorts.  Even Pepper had thrown back roughly six shots of very expensive scotch at that point.  "They know that Darcy's one true weakness is that metal armed adorable murder nugget.  And Steve can't resist the super small murder troll doll."

 

"Don't you ever do that again, Mister!" Darcy was louder than she had ever been with Bucky as she squeezed him as hard as she possibly could.  "I don't care what you were doing, but there is no reason to put everyone through all that.  There are awful people out there that want to get you guys, and it would break my heart to have something bad happen to you."

 

"I'm so sorry, Ma," Bucky said earnestly, tearing up himself.  It was a combination of having this wonderful feeling of safety and security as his little mother hugged him tightly to her, her hand stroking his hair tenderly, in addition to the fact that his perfect little mother, who was so good and kind, loved him so much that she was upset.  He hadn't wanted to worry or upset her, but she would understand when they surprised their parents that it had been absolutely worth it.  "I love you, Ma."

 

"Love you, Daddy," Natasha whispered sweetly against Steve's neck as she remained resolutely plastered to him.  

 

"Nats, I know what you're doing," Steve said softly.  

 

"Yes?" Natasha nodded against Steve's neck.  "Nats know you did 'n tell 'bout yucky Ross.  Dat's bad, Daddy."

 

"Sweet pea, I'm not gonna tell you about every little thing, you're a baby," Steve reminded her.

 

"Even baby Nats needs a know dat," Natasha insisted.  She pulled away from cuddling and smacked a kiss on the end of Steve's nose.  "We even now, Daddy, less go play!"

 

Steve looked to Darcy, who had stopped hugging Bucky, and was ending her inventory of his well being with a thorough kiss over.  She was kissing every inch of his face as if it was an overly affectionate way to assess him for minor injuries.  To his credit, Bucky endured it with a dreamy and happy little grin on his face.  

 

"Can we go and buy toys now?" Helen wondered from the safety of the limo.  She wasn't about to get NEGATIVE gold stars for not listening to an unspoken order of  _ stay put _ .

 

"What on EARTH do the four of you deserve toys for?" Pepper demanded, a little more confused than angry.  She was still in the limo, sitting next to Helen on the backseat.  "You could have all been kidnapped and sold to the highest most dangerous bidder!"

 

"Nuh uh," Tony disputed with all the intelligence he could muster at the moment (not very much) as he tried to jump his way up to the sunroof of the limo after having spent the whole of the short drive in the front seat, chatting eagerly with Happy about how much they both liked green peppers on pizza.  Truth be told, it was a pretty normal conversation for them, whether Tony was six or forty-eight.

 

"YEAH HUH!" Pepper (wisely) retorted back.

 

"NO WAY JOSÉ!" Tony immediately came back, his little hands fisted at his hips.

 

"SHUT YOUR ADORABLE FACE!" Pepper wrinkled her nose at him.

 

"YOU SHUT YOUR BEAUTIFUL MOUTH!" Tony yelled.

 

"Tony!" Steve warned from just outside of the car.

 

"Sorry Dad," Tony sighed.  He then glared hotly at Pepper and demanded just a tad bit more demurely, "Shut your beautiful mouth,  _ please _ ."

 

"I love you Bucky, I do," Darcy said softly as she finally stepped back enough to let the little boy breathe.  She swept her hands under her eyes to wipe off some of the happy and relieved tears that had fallen.  She gave him a sad smile, which Bucky knew she used when she had to bring out the discipline on any of the kids.  "But you guys were really naughty.  And I don't like that you lied to us."

 

"But it was for a good reason that I can't say cause it's a fun secret," Bucky promised her earnestly.  "And we was safe, Ma, I promise.  Nobody coulda gotten us.  I swear."

 

"How can you be so sure, honey?" Darcy sighed.  "There are so many mean people out there that want to steal you and try to do bad things to you."

 

"But we was safe," Bucky insisted emphatically.

 

"They really were, if it was any consolation."

 

Darcy stood up quickly and turned to the sound of the new voice.  Steve recognized the voice, but he couldn't help the protective step he took in front of Darcy and Bucky while simultaneously shifting Natasha away from the newcomer.  

 

Clint Barton stood on the sidewalk, fresh faced and smiling.  A few feet behind him were the assembled Barton family, Laura pushing a stroller with Nathaniel, two pre-teens standing next to her looking energetic and ready to go.

 

"What the hell, Barton?" Steve demanded.

 

"I got a tracker on Helen," Clint admitted.  

 

"WHAT?!? RUDE!" Helen yelled from the car.  "That's against my personal liver teas!"

 

"Just a failsafe," Clint shrugged.  "When I saw it leaving base earlier, I got in the quinjet to follow.  Brought the fam, too, Laura's been begging to get to a real city."

 

"I love that it smells like HUMAN poop instead of cow poop," Laura shrugged, her pretty mouth twisted into a smirk.

 

"Been on the tiny terror twins tail since they left the tower, they were fine," Clint promised.  

 

"Still, they didn't KNOW that," Steve hedged.

 

"Yes I did, Pop!" Bucky insisted.  "I could hear his foot, cause he limps a little."

 

"Cause I kicked him," Laura shrugged.  "Three days after we met, he spooked me, so I broke his leg."

 

"SO COOL!" Natasha crowed excitedly.

 

"What were they doing?" Darcy demanded of Clint shrewdly.

 

"Can't tell.  Assassin code," Clint shrugged.  He gave that slow grin that had never failed to charm Darcy just a little bit, ever since New Mexico when he had handed her back her ipod.  "But it was worth it."

 

"Please toys, please?" Helen whined from the car.  

 

Agent Sanchez approached with a cellphone in his hand.  He gave a quick nod to Steve and Darcy, indicating that the store was clear.  He then walked towards the limo and handed the phone into the window to Helen.

 

"Call for you, Doctor Cho," he said pleasantly enough.

 

"REALLY?" Helen beamed up at him before eagerly taking the phone from him.  "Hello?!?  THIS IS HELEN CHO---DOCTOR HELEN CHO!  Hi! Who am I speaking to?"

 

Helen's eyes went round and everyone could hear a very elevated voice on the other end.

 

"Hi boyfriend!" Helen tried for her normal enthusiasm, but found that with Sam's very stern scolding it was near impossible.  "I'm sorry, boyfriend! I didn't mean to make you worried and sad and ---don't cry!"

 

Helen began crying quickly, like a small explosion of mini-tears as she continue to sob  _ sorries _ into the phone.  Natasha tensed in Steve's arms, and Steve huffed out a sigh, blowing red curls away from  her face.

 

"Don't even THINK about it, Nats," Steve warned, knowing she was already plotting out revenge on Sam for making Helen cry.  "Sam has every right to be upset.  You guys gave him hell on base, and then he had to worry about whether Helen was safe or not.  He gets to be upset."

 

"Nats gets to pants him," Natasha shrugged.

 

"Nope," Steve smiled.  

 

Tony grabbed the phone from Helen as she could do little more than sob out apologies.  He wrinkled his nose before announcing, "HEY. FLY BOY!  Stop making my sister cry or I'm gonna blast your face in."

 

"Tony nooooooooo!" Helen cried.

 

"Stop threatening violence against people," Pepper put in, rolling her eyes.  

 

"Stop being gorgeous!" Tony petulantly threw back.  "You're so pretty it makes my eyeballs hurt, so QUIT it!"

 

Darcy gripped Bucky's left hand in hers and sighed as Pepper and Tony bickered, Helen sobbed, Natasha began to actively struggle against Steve's hold on her, and the Barton kids themselves were starting to show signs of rebellion, probably due to the fact that they saw her own four kids going absolutely bonkers.  Suddenly Scott and all three Wombats managed to cram themselves out of the limo sunroof, sloppy drunk grins on their faces.

 

"I want Barbara dolls!" Kurt called out.  "All of the black haired ones!"

 

"Okay, let's do this.  We're nuts, and they totally don't deserve toys, but I can't help it, let's just, let's do this," Darcy looked to Steve with a small smile, a lot of her anxiety and worry having left her.  Steve held out a hand to her, grabbing her free one.  She smiled up at him gratefully and could not physically stop the next words from leaving her mouth.  "I love you, Steve."

 

Bucky's eyes went wide and Natasha let out a squeaking sound.  Scott and the three Wombats all went silent as they stared from their hole in the top of the limo.  Pepper and Tony stopped bickering inside of the limo and looked to Darcy and Steve.  Helen stopped her crying and a small smile pulled at her lips as she pulled the phone out of Tony' slack hands and whispered into the phone.

 

_ "Boyfriend...it's happening _ ."

 

Steve wrapped his arm around Darcy's shoulders, pulling her in close.  He bent his head and gave her a soft, chaste kiss against the smile on her mouth.  Natasha grinned down at Bucky and gave her signature little squirmy dance as she tried to contain the happy sounds threatening to pull her parents' attention away from their current endeavor.

 

Steve's smile broke the kiss and he let out a happy little sigh as he stared down at her with such a warm, gentle happiness that he thought he must be glowing, "I love you, too, Darcy."

 

Tony grabbed Helen's hand and raced out of the limo with her as they charged towards Darcy and Steve.  Bucky gave Helen a little boost and she clung her arms around Steve's neck.  Tony gave Bucky a high five, then each boy wrapped their arms around their mother's hips.  

 

"Best...daaaaaaay....EVEEEEEEEER!" Helen sing songed happily.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!


	18. Retail Therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter today, sorry! But still, a necessary chapter, cause of cute kids and toy shopping and secret plots.

 

**Chapter 18: Retail Therapy**

* * *

  
  


"Look, Nats!  Look, you can be a princess!"

 

Lila Barton was a bright, lovely child.  She really was.  When Natasha was older, she truly loved the child to bits.  She also was always attempting to recreate the child in her image, but that was just a natural inclination to pass on all the good and keep the bad.  

 

Little Nats had little to no patience for the well-meaning ten year old, who could not separate the fact that the tiny, adorable red curled murder moppet was in fact her hyper competent super Aunt.  Lila had only seen a cute child and decided to make a new toy out of her, her own little beautiful doll.  

 

Nats was having none of it.  

 

And she certainly wasn't having any of the numerous princess costumes that Lila was helpfully displaying for her.  

 

"You're gonna be SOOO cute!" Lila promised, pulling a feathery pink tiara off the shelf and putting it on Natasha's head.

 

Lila was incredibly lucky that Bucky had not dropped Natasha’s hand the entire time they were in the large toy store.  Because if he had not been holding onto her, and had not let his metal thumb stroke along her wrist, Nats might just have ripped the tiara off her head and attempted to cram it down Lila's throat.

 

"Lila not smart on today," Natasha wrinkled her nose at Lila.  "Nats smack her to be smart."

 

"Maybe not the pink so much," Bucky offered helpfully, as Lila's eyes widened as she stared down at the younger children.  "Nats doesn't like that it doesn't match her hair so good."

 

"Purple?" Lila offered helpfully, pulling down another tiara, and this time, having the good grace not to just dry and pop it on Natasha's head.  She may be carried away with having a new little living doll, but she was still smart enough to know not to poke an angry little bear.

 

"YUCKY!" Natasha said under her breath.  

 

"Nats, be nice," Steve warned her as he knelt a few feet away, his arms loaded with costumes as Helen kept bringing back each one that remotely struck her fancy.

 

"This is LAME!" Tony called out.

 

"Tony, we spent a half hour in the section of the store you wanted to, now it's Helen's turn," Darcy reminded him.

 

"NO, Mom, this, THIS is lame!" Tony ran up to her and held up an Iron Man costume.  "The math-ear-eel-all is like your fancy red nightgown you had sent to you two weeks ago, and then you put us all to bed early and---"

 

"Alright pal, okay," Steve cut him off, blushing and sparing a glance to the surrounding adults.  

 

Pepper was throwing a wink towards Darcy.  Agent Sanchez had the ghost of a smile on his face at the main entrance to the costume section, which was commendable, because Happy was standing next to him, snorting with barely restrained laughter.  Kurt, Scott and Dave had gone a little slack in the mouth area as the mental images clearly assaulted them.  Luis, who had been burying his face in the fluffy feather boa wall, emerged quickly, still a little drunk from the earlier foray into Stark's bar.  

 

"What now kiddo?  Red, like shiny red?  Or like sort of a matte material?  And then how long?  Just gesture on your thigh real quick.  And really important, because, you know, of reasons...was there lace?" Luis said very quickly, looking down at Tony appraisingly.

 

"Nats gonna hit him in the stuff," Natasha announced to Bucky before disengaging from his hand and rushing off.

 

"Boundaries dude," Dave reminded Luis.

 

"She's so hot though," Luis whined.  He knew he shouldn’t have asked what he did though, because Steve was glaring at him with a frightening mixture of anger and disappointment.  So Luis took the retribution standing still, allowing Natasha to pick up a nearby, tiny rolling pin and whack him in the groin with it.  He fell to his knees and made garbled wincing noises.

 

Natasha looked down at the rolling pin and nodded at her improvised weapon, before skipping off towards her mother and placing it in the basket.  

 

"Kid," Clint called out.  Two little voices answered back with a  _ yeah _ ?, while little Nathaniel made a sleepy squawking sound.  "No, not my kids.  Nats, c'mere."

 

"That can't be good," Laura said surreptitiously to Darcy as she pushed a drowsy Nathaniel in his stroller.  

 

"Well, it could always be worse?" Darcy shrugged, going back to taking things that Bucky wanted out of his hands, mostly various silly and elaborate hats that would no doubt be used to make Natasha and Helen laugh at some point in the near future.  “Just kind of going with the flow here, Mrs. B.  As long as they’re all in one piece and within eyesight of either me or Steve, I’m gonna call it a win.”

 

“My Ma is so smart,” Bucky grinned up at her before handing her a Viking helmet with yellow braids attached to it.  Darcy ruffled his hair and grinned down at him and the boy just bloomed under the affection, looking happier than any other little six year old to have ever existed.

 

"You're gonna do just fine as an Avenger's SO," Laura said in soft tone as she shook her head in amusement.

 

"Yeah," Darcy whispered.   It was Darcy's turn to blush then, looking down at the ground, but feeling the sudden weight of Steve's stare from across the room.  They might have just exchanged ' _ I love you's _ ', but having four kids under the age of seven didn't really mean that they could sit down and figure things out or talk about it.  And that was kind of the way everything had been going in the last few months since they became parents.  It was a whirlwind, and Darcy's usual over analyzing regarding relationships wasn't happening this time, and Steve didn't have a chance to be an awkward emotional duck because everything was just happening so fast, that every time they blinked, something else had happened.  

 

It was better to just roll with it and enjoy the good stuff as much as they could.  And all of the little quiet relationship milestones, holding hands, kissing, going to the bathroom in front of each other, and even pulling out a red nightie and giving the kids an early bedtime were all some of the good stuff.  Darcy and Steve both knew that the were exclusively dating, and that they were both happier than they’d ever been and that they wanted to be together for a very long amount of time, forever if they could manage it.  

 

And that was enough for now.  The rest of the big stuff could either be figured out later or dealt with as it happened.

 

Darcy blinked and brought her gaze back up from the ground, tossing Steve a wink and pursing her lips in a quick kissing gesture.  Before she knew it, Natasha was back, with Clint in tow, and he had at least thirty-five different dress up costumes.

 

"Nats needs dis," she said resolutely, watching as Clint dumped the costumes into the rolling shopping basket that kept getting filled and replaced by the store manager with a new empty one.  

 

"Nats, why do you need so many?" Darcy furrowed her brow at the random selection of costumes.  "You don't even like Bob the Builder, why do you need a construction worker outfit like his?"

 

"Under a covers," Natasha nodded brusquely, before turning and racing back to the shelves, keen on finding all the outfits for Bucky this time.  

 

"She'd be good in the field," Clint said seriously.

 

"You  _ asshole _ ," Darcy reached out quickly and gripped Clint's ear in her hand.  "You do know that now she's going to want to go out with you and Bucky in the field, right?"

 

"Dumbass," Laura snorted.

 

"You are PERSONALLY responsible for coming up with something believable for them now," Darcy whispered harshly.

 

"Well...shit."

 

Helen emerged with all the feather boas wrapped around her and pointed at Clint joyously, "JAR!"

 

* * *

 

 

"Sanchez thinks we should spend the night," Steve told Darcy as they went to the last floor of the toy store.

 

The kids were moving faster now, intent on getting some kind of dinner (or in Natasha's case, candy).  Their energy was finally flagging after their very long day, and Steve actually managed to walk along with Darcy, his hand engulfing hers as they doggedly followed all of the kids.  

 

"Avengers Tower is pretty safe," Darcy nodded.

 

"Yes, it is," Steve agreed.  A small, secretive smile tilted his lips upwards just a bit.  "And do you know what else Avengers Towers is?"

 

"Environmentally conscious?" Darcy ventured.

 

"Grown up Tony soundproofed the rooms," Steve said with no small amount of slyness.  He squeezed her hand and looked down at her with half lidded eyes.  "Cause I said I love you, Darcy, and I meant it.  But I'm sort of fixing on showing you."

 

"Dude.  Ditto," Darcy breathed.  She yanked on his hand just a little, but Steve easily followed her unspoken instruction and bent forward to place a surprisingly chaste kiss against her lips.

 

"THIS IS HORSE DOODIE!" Tony called out.

 

"What is your malfunction, child?" Pepper demanded.  "You wanted to come to the robots.  Here are the robots!"

 

"THEY'RE POOP!" Tony stamped his feet.  "And I told you, woman, you can't call me CHILD like that with your dumb gorgeous mouth!"

 

"When you act like an infuriatingly adorable child, I will call you whatever I want, CHILD!" Pepper fired back.  She gestured to the toy robots around her, "ROBOTS, BUY THEM,  _ CHILD! _ "

 

"YOU PERFECT JERK!" Tony screamed.  "My robots are better and you know it!"

 

"Tony," Steve warned, placing another quick kiss on Darcy's lips and squeezing her hand again.  "Time to go, I think."

 

"Nats wants chicken tenders for James," Natasha announced to Darcy as she appeared out of nowhere alongside of her mother.  She smiled up at her winningly and calmly stated like it was a fact, "And Nats wants ice cream for Nats."

 

"If you eat a chicken tender and some broccoli, you can have all the ice cream you want," Darcy bargained.

 

"Broccoli ice cream?" Natasha wondered hopefully.

 

"I doubt such a thing exists," Darcy rolled her eyes fondly.

 

"That's not true!" Cooper Barton called out helpfully, every inch a know-it-all twelve year old.  "New York City has everything."

 

"Zip it, man," Laura advised.

 

Pepper stopped arguing with Tony long enough to whip out her phone and make a quick text message to an assistant, asking politely that broccoli ice cream be delivered along with the rest of the surprise dessert bar she had ordered for the kids, including the petulant little adorable asshole currently sticking his tongue out at her.  Her feelings for little Tony aside, Pepper was definitely enamored with this version of Natasha, and would happily spoil her recklessly. 

 

"THIS IS HORSE DOODIE!" Helen shouted out from a different aisle.

 

Natasha blinked up at her mother before holding up a chubby index finger.  The little girl didn't know if her sister, Helen was in danger, but she certainly sounded upset.  And Natasha took her duties as a sister seriously.  If Helen was in danger, she had to be protected.  And if Helen was upset, it was her responsibility to hurt whoever had upset her.  The two year old easily scaled a shelf and then jumped down into the aisle, just as Steve had run over as well, looking down at Helen in worry.

 

"Doctor's kit my BOOTY!" Helen wrinkled her nose, holding up an inferior mad scientist kit where you could grow your own sea monkeys.  "Daddy, daddy, I REALLY need to have access to my cradle, cause I promise I can grow way betterer life forms."

 

* * *

 

 

Thankfully, the children were tired enough to not want to go out for dinner, as even Pepper Potts might not be able to get a Manhattan family restaurant closed down for them for the evening.  Instead, takeout from at least five different restaurants was ordered and set up buffet style in the common room that had long been unused.  Even the broccoli ice cream was waiting to tempt Natasha after she managed to eat one whole chicken tender and one little branch of regular broccoli.

 

"Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy," Helen chanted, dancing in front of her mother in excitement as she stood next to Lila Barton.  

 

"Yes, baby, what?" Darcy questioned as she helped to set up the sundae bar, trying to get the lid off of the jar of marachino cherries.  Bucky walked up to her and took the jar from her, using his metal hand to open it easily.  Darcy bent down and placed a big smacking kiss on his little mouth in thanks, and Bucky fairly beamed his happiness back at her.

 

"Can we PLEEEEEEEEASE have a dress up tea party tomorrows?  Please oh please, oh please?" Helen nearly whined.  "Even Tony said he'd dress nice and use manners and everything, and Cooper said that New York City had the best food, and we can get tea sammiches and tiny tacos and tiny burgers and it'll be SO CUTE! Please Mommy, Please?"

 

"Let me talk to your Daddy, and we'll see if we can figure out the logistics of it all," Darcy smiled down at her.

 

"And I invited my boyfriend already," Helen held up the pad the kids had been using to control everything.  "And everyone has to dress super fancy, so that means you and Daddy hafta go tomorrow morning and get fancy clothes with Aunt Pepper and Aunt Laura, and then we'll go to the fanciest room in all of New York City and then have tea and cake and fancy little tiny food!  Please oh please, Mommy, please?"

 

Darcy looked up to Steve, who was still at the dinner buffet with Tony and Clint, putting away a whole lot of food, and gave a shrug of her shoulders.  He nodded at her before pulling out his own phone, intent on getting Sanchez and his team on it as quick as he could.

 

"Alright, Daddy said yes," Darcy grinned.

 

"How did you know?" Lila blinked up at her.  "You and Uncle America have a secret code like Mommy and Daddy do?"

 

"I told you to stop getting your kids to call me that," Steve complained to Clint.

 

"S'cute," Clint shrugged.  

 

"Sort of," Darcy answered Lila's original question.  "Okay, ice cream is ready, and then baths and then bed."

 

"BUT IT'S ONLY EIGHT FIFTEEN!" Tony yelled out in annoyance.

 

"You'll go to bed when your mother tells you to go to bed, you little smooshy faced troll!" Pepper snapped at him.

 

"I'm SICK OF HEARING YOU TALK OUTTA THAT DUMB PRETTY MOUTH!" Tony yelled.  Steve jammed in one last chicken finger into Tony's wide open mouth before picking the boy up and off of his feet and hauling him over to the dessert table.  

 

Steve popped Tony on his feet in front of the ice cream and was at least happy to see that he contented himself with building a giant sundae.  Steve managed to snag an arm around Darcy's waist and haul her in close, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

 

He felt little eyes staring at him, and realized it was Bucky and Natasha both, staring up at him with two different expressions that still bespoke their happiness for him.  Natasha was always squirmy and blushing and cute whenever Darcy or Steve showed affection for each other.  But Bucky was usually stoic.  This time, he stared up at his parents with an unrestrained grin on his face.

 

"See something you like, pal?" Steve wondered.

 

"Yeah.  You guys are gonna be so happy," Bucky promised, taking a small little breath of contentment in.  Natasha put a chubby hand on his right wrist and squeezed, a little physical reminder to keep his trap shut and not let his sappy emotions spoil the big secret.  Bucky nodded at her and turned his hand, gripping his hand as the both looked up at the parents that were so well loved by both of them.    "Just like a story.  Happily ever after."

 

“Until Uncle Luis sweeps Mami off her feet and is totally cool with Papi coming along for the ride,” Luis muttered from behind the dessert bar.

  
Natasha heaved a sigh that was older than her current body and shook her head in disapproval.  She looked up at Darcy with an easy smile and asked sweetly, “Mommy, where is Nats new weapons?  Nats needs to bash him again and again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Thanks for reading!


	19. Perfect Party Preparation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyperlinks are in the chapter to give you a visual and a sound clue. : )
> 
> I really, really hope that you enjoy this chapter!

 

**Chapter Nineteen:  Perfect Party Preparation**

 

* * *

 

 

"Mommy, mommy, mommy.   _ MOMMY _ . Mommy stop talking to your friends and talk to me, talk to ME.   **_MOMMY._ ** "

 

Darcy gave Pepper and Laura a hapless smile.  Pepper shrugged in response, not really getting it, but Helen's continued chanting didn't have the same disastrous effect on her calm, cool demeanor as anything tiny Tony did.  Laura understood though and smiled understandingly as all three women stopped looking through the racks and racks of dresses that Pepper's army of assistants had delivered to a conference room on floor sixty-three of Stark Tower.  

 

Helen was bouncing on the balls of her feet, with Natasha right behind her.  Both girls’ faces were flushed with excitement.  Helen was mostly keeping it together, but Natasha was unable to speak since she had woken up that morning.  The toddler had burst into the room that Steve and Darcy had made the most of the night before, jumping on the bed, making adorable and unintelligible noises as she squirmed and danced and held her hand over her eyes as Steve reached and grabbed for happily discarded underwear from the night before and then handed Darcy his discarded shirt as well.

 

Natasha had been unable to communicate most of the day, aside from  _ CUTE, SO CUTE, CUTE CUTE CUTE _ , and everyone's personal favorite,  _ KISS MY MOMMY RIGHT NOW _ !  Her euphoria had not even ended when Bucky and she had parted ways for one of the first times since the start of their second childhood.  She'd smacked a sloppy kiss on Bucky's cheek and waved him off to the other conference room one floor down, that had elegant suits waiting for the boys.  

 

Darcy had just figured she was super excited about a fancy tea party.  It made sense.  One of her favorite things to do with Bucky was setting up all his dolls for what Tony called ‘murder tea’, where all the dolls were served tea and small weapons, then battled to the death after the sophisticated imaginary tea service that Bucky put together.  

  
  


"Yes, baby?" Darcy smiled patiently down at her adopted daughter.  

 

"This one, try this one, please?" Helen gripped the hem of a lovely white dress.  "It's so nice and then me and Nats can wear the ones we wanna wear so we're samsies!"

 

"Okay, okay, this one," Darcy pulled out the [knee length dress](http://www.luckybridals.com/uploads/product/2/J/2J314/bateau-neck-half-sleeves-a-line-tea-length-tulle-wedding-dress-1.jpg) with the voluminous a-line skirt and bateau neck lace top.  It was absolutely lovely.  And familiar.  She may have created a pinterest board a long time ago when the site had first begun with the title of ‘ _ perhaps, perhaps, perhaps _ ’, and it might have had a lot of dresses that looked similar to the one she held in her hands now.  "You girls don't think this is too fancy for a tea party?"

 

"MOMMY!" Helen shouted, absolutely one hundred percent dramatically scandalized.  "This is the fanciest tea party we've ever, ever had!"

 

Natasha squirmed with delight and put chubby hands to flushed cheeks and could only say, "Mommy so cute!"

 

"Okay, alright, I'll go try it on," Darcy promised.  She smiled at Laura and Pepper and said, "Thanks for all this, I know that I'm spoiling them rotten, but---I mean, really---"

 

"Darce, kiddo, we all know that if anyone on this planet deserves a happy second childhood it's that overly exuberant little red headed pain princess," Laura shook her head.  "We can't know how long this is going to last, really, so go ahead and let them have their fun now."

 

"Yeah, Tony's childhood, from what he's told me was...just crap," Pepper nodded in agreement.  "And it's not like over indulging him now isn't going to make him a worse human being as a grownup. I hope."

 

Helen wasted no time as Darcy ducked behind the privacy screens that the assistants had also set up.  She reached into the racks of dresses and yanked [two specific outfits](http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2013514/rs_600x600-130614143734-600.UglyBridesmaids5.mh.061413.jpg) forward.  Mint green.  Extra large ruffles to make it look like the dress was made out of big flowers, essentially.  And satin.  So much satin.  She gave an almost evil smile up to Pepper and Laura.

 

"These are yours."

 

"Oh Christ almighty," Pepper wrinkled her nose.  The sound of thunder could be heard outside, even though it was a very beautiful autumn day, sunny with just the hint of a cool breeze.  She looked at Helen appraisingly.  "What are you little monsters doing?"

 

"RUDE!" Helen wagged her finger.  "It's just a tea party.  Don't be so suck spish ass."

 

* * *

 

  
  


"This is awful fancy for a tea party, buddy," Steve blinked as the small old man quickly worked at hemming Steve's pants appropriately.  

 

Tony, who was already dressed in his pre-tailored three piece dark gray suit with the little mint-green tie and pocket square, blinked up at his surrogate father in confusion.

 

"What do you wear to tea, you heathen?" Tony demanded with exaggerated astonishment.

 

"I like it," Bucky announced as he preened and fussed over [his little suit](http://cache.elizabethannedesigns.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Ring-Bearers-in-Suits-With-Salmon-Colored-Ties-300x450.jpg) in the large mirror that Pepper's army of assistants had moved into their room.  He hadn't dressed so fancy in a long time.  He was glad that Tony had decided that Steve and Bucky shouldn't wear their military dress uniforms.  This fine suit was way better than his complicated dress uniform, and it would have taken so many sessions with the tailor to get a tiny dress uniform made up.  

 

They'd only been able to get away from their parents for a half hour on base to get their suits and dresses fitted right.

 

They'd relied on Friday to get measurements off of their parents.  Steve's pants just needed to be hemmed a little, and Sergio would be able to get that done lickety split.  Bucky hoped that his ma's dress would fit like a dream.  He couldn't wait to see her in it.  He was absolutely sure she looked like an angel come down to Earth to bring him and the rest of the kids love and happiness.

 

"All done," Sergio announced.  "Pants off, sir, I'll have them ready for you in no time."

 

Steve nodded dumbly and pulled his pants off carefully, mindful of the pins before handing them to Sergio.  Clint walked in and let out a wolf whistle.  He, Cooper and Nathaniel were already dressed in suits that were a little similar to Tony and Bucky's, but instead of mint green, the ties were lovely ivory that matched the shirts underneath.

 

"We're gonna head out to the tea party to get things settled," Clint winked at Tony.  "But heads up, incoming."

 

"Who?" Steve blinked.  

 

Sam walked into the conference room, followed by Thor.

 

"POINTY BREAK!  YOU MADE IT!" Tony exclaimed with glee.  "I didn't think Heinydale would hear the message."

 

"Ma's gonna be so happy," Bucky beamed a grin, knowing that if Thor was here, then Jane had also returned.

 

"You broadcast the invitation across seven realms," Thor said calmly.  

 

"You guys have suits for us?" Sam was perplexed.  He'd arrived by quinjet with Maria, Vision and Wanda, in New York City and Clint had been waiting, dressed to the nines and explaining the kids wanted a fancy tea party.  And Sam was more than a little upset with what the kids had gotten up to in less than thirty-six hours, but far be it from him to deny Helen any joy.  He was physically incapable of doing it.

 

And he knew he wasn't the only one, seeing as Steve was standing in the middle of the conference room with no pants on because of something the kids wanted.

 

"Is my lightning sister well, Steven?" Thor demanded, the question hanging heavily in the air.

 

"Yeah, of course, she's great," Steve smiled a little dreamily.  He shook himself out of the reverie and looked at Thor curiously, "What are you guys doing here?  Did you find a remedy to get the kids...not kids anymore?"

 

Steve held his breath, waiting for Thor's response.  He felt the tension in his gut and he knew in that moment that he didn't want Thor to say  _ yes _ .  He didn't want to lose the little family.  He didn't want to lose Natasha and her fierce adorable nature and exuberance and cuddles.  He didn't want to lose Tony, and the trust they had built between them in this new father/son relationship, and more importantly he didn't want the boy to lose the innocence and joy he felt now.  He didn't want to lose the way Helen bossed everyone around them with no attempt at adult politeness, or the way she always wanted exactly five kisses from him and Darcy each before bedtime, or the way she would curl up against Darcy whenever they read books together.  

 

And Bucky, he didn't want Bucky to have to go back to what he had been before.  Tense and hard and full of hidden pain.  He wanted to hold on to the little boy who marveled at getting every toy, every cuddle and kiss and every kind word.  He wanted to give Bucky all of the things he needed to grow up happy and safe and loved.

 

"No, there are no answers," Thor shook his head.  "Jane has exhausted the entire Asgardian research staff, and they have no answers, only more questions."

 

"Oh," Steve took a breath of relief, and gave a scowling Sam a sympathetic smile.  He knew that he was being selfish, and that Sam deserved to have his girlfriend back.  Steve felt terrible in that moment and resolved himself to finding the strength to accept giving up his and Darcy's kids so they could continue their own lives.

 

"Sergio!" Thor boomed as the man handed the completely hemmed pants back to a stunned Steve.  "I trust you received my gift for Lady Darcy."

 

"Oh, yes," Sergio nodded and went to go and get Thor's bespoke suit.  "My sister Anna did the tailoring on her dress, she said it was wondrous to work with."

 

"Excellent," Thor grinned.  He looked at the suit Sergio had presented him and nodded.  "I like the color of this tie.  Shall my Jane be dressed in a similar color?"

 

"Oh yeah, the girls have real fancy dresses," Tony promised him.  "Helen and Nats drew the pictures and Sergio and Anna went NUTS."

 

* * *

 

 

"We really wanted horsies," Helen sighed.  "And the Cinderella pumpkin carriage."

 

"Horsies," Natasha lamented, the only sad spot in her day so far.

 

"But Sanchez said no, cause it's too risky," Helen lamented. 

 

"This is a very nice car," Laura promised as her daughter helped adjust the ruffles unflatteringly wrapped around Laura's bottom as she sat down in the limousine.  Darcy was quick to follow, looking absolutely flawless and beautiful in her dress that was nearly mirrored on Helen and Natasha.  The little girls had [little mint green sashes ](http://images.dressale.hk/images/240x360/201301/K/1358442429309.jpg)tied up in a big bow at their backs.  

 

Laura hadn't been surprised when the army of hairdressers had arrived, setting everyone's hair in curls and understated updos.  Makeup had been delivered as well, seemingly one of each of everything Sephora had, and Natasha had been the one to restrain Helen as the little girl dove for the brightly colored eyeshadows.  Lila, Natasha and Helen all wore glossy, natural pink lip gloss only.  But Laura's keen mother's eye had witnessed Helen taking all the brightly colored makeup palettes and putting them aside in her little doctor's bag for future makeovers.

 

Jane had arrived an hour prior, and had immediately been handed a dress that matched Laura and Pepper's.  Darcy had quietly asked Jane if she'd made any progress on aging the children, and Laura could see that Darcy really was conflicted about whatever answer Jane had given.  Whatever the quiet answer had been, Darcy had been quietly pleased, a happy little smile pulling at her lips.

 

"Seriously?  SO MANY RUFFLES!" Jane complained as she pulled on the satiny fabric.  "You kids are adorable and whatever, but your taste in dresses is shit."

 

"OY!" Helen pointed at Jane accusingly.

 

Laura could understand what Jane was feeling.  She felt like a dowdy bridesmaid at the moment.  And ever since she'd seen the completed picture of she, Jane and Pepper standing side by side in their matching dresses, she'd been carefully watching Helen and Natasha, wondering what those two little scheming girls had up their sleeves.

 

They arrived at the Plaza Hotel on Fifth Avenue in no time and now both Laura and Pepper were staring at Helen and Natasha curiously.  They had little time to question as they were whisked by Sanchez and the security team into the venue and taken to the grand ballroom.

 

Darcy took in a deep gasping breath at the beauty of it.  There were beautiful lights everywhere in the opulent room and the air was heavy with the scent of gardenias coming from any of the gigantic floral arrangements strewn about the room.  There were tables of food set up in the entry room that had been curtained off with voluminous white curtains at the entrance of the ballroom, and Natasha wiggled with glee before taking off for the chocolate fountain.  

 

"Don't get anything on your dress!" Darcy managed to warn as she went to chase after the baby.

 

Luckily, Bucky intervened as Natasha dove for the marshmallows on sticks, obviously keen to dip them into the chocolate.  Darcy marveled as the little man, in his handsome suit reached his metal hand to carefully dip a marshmallow under the fountain and turn it gently to shake off the excess chocolate.  He handed it to Natasha with a gentle smile and then kissed the top of her red curls when she immediately devoured it.  

 

"You look so handsome," Darcy marveled as she stared down at him.

 

Bucky took a little breath, preparing himself before looking up to see his beloved, beautiful mother.  He knew she would be gorgeous and pretty and perfect, in her pretty white dress, but seeing her standing there, looking down at him with her hair done up in curls that reminded him of something from a long time ago, her lips a cherry red, and her blue eyes so full of warmth and love and happiness...Bucky began to tear up.

 

"Oh, sweetie, what's wrong?" Darcy asked in concern, dropping to her knees and putting her hands on Bucky's shoulders.  Natasha leaned her head against Bucky's metal bicep.  Darcy wiped at the tears leaking out of Bucky's eyes anxiously, looking around for a napkin or tissue.

 

"S'okay, Mommy," Natasha promised.  "James just so happy cause Mommy so pretty."

 

"Yeah," Bucky nodded, reaching into the little breast pocket of his jacket and pulling out a fancy ivory handkerchief with his initials embroidered on it in mint green.  He smiled when Darcy took the hankie from him and gently wiped away his tears.  "You look so beautiful, Ma."

 

"Thank you, baby," Darcy smiled at him.  "You look very handsome, yourself."

 

"Thanks!" Bucky grinned in response, before taking the next little treat Natasha had handed him on a stick, this time a little heart shaped rice krispie treat, and dipped it carefully in the chocolate fountain.  "Ma, do you want one?"

 

"Yes, please," Darcy nodded.  "I'm kind of hungry, we were so busy getting ready for our fancy tea party that I didn't get to eat anything."

 

"Oh no!" Helen furrowed her brow with sudden worry.  "Mommy needs a treat afore she gets fainted from hungries!"

 

Darcy laughed as three of her kids went into action and suddenly they each had treats in their hands, pushed into her face.  Natasha had somehow managed to get a skewer full of gummy bears in one hand, and a king sized snickers bar on a stick.  Helen had a plate of a deconstructed miniature burger, bun and burger and cheese all not touching in one hand, and a little paper carton of popcorn in the other.  Bucky had a plate with an actual tea sandwich and in the other a plate with a tiny waffle and equally tiny little piece of fried chicken.

 

"Is that---is that miniature chicken and waffles?" Darcy laughed, taking it and biting into it.  It was delicious.  "Oh, I should have tried to make these after I pinned them all those years ago.  Totally yummy."

 

"Me and Tony ate fifteen of 'em each!" Bucky told her proudly.  "They are super yummy, Ma."

 

"Where is my Tony?" Darcy looked around curiously. 

 

"He's getting the---uhm...the game ready," Helen said as quickly as she dared.

 

"We're having a tea party game?" Darcy looked confused.

 

"Less play pretend!" Natasha demanded.

 

"Okay, sure," Darcy nodded, reaching for the king sized snickers skewer and placing it back on the table before Natasha could bite into it.  She let the toddler keep the gummy bears, and made a mental note to try and get the skewer back from her later, knowing that Natasha could never turn down free weapons.  "What are we pretending?  Because we don't need to pretend to be at a fancy tea party.  This is the fanciest tea party that we've ever had...wait a minute---"

 

Darcy paused as she looked around curiously.  Bucky, Natasha and Helen all gave an involuntary squirm.

 

"You guys aren't going to do that thing you do at the end of tea parties we have at home, are you?" Darcy looked down at them sternly.  "Because I know Tony made Friday the Explorer give him unlimited money forever, but we can't destroy the Plaza.  We just can't."

 

"No, no, Ma, we won't do battle royale after tea," Bucky promised.  He looked at Natasha expectantly.  "Nats?”

 

"NO, no fun fights," Natasha sighed.

 

"Okay, then what are we pretending?" Darcy wondered as they walked further into the ballroom, attendants parting the curtains dramatically to the larger part of the room. 

 

She stopped in her tracks when she saw what was set up.  A small scattering  of guests were seated in very fancy seats that were divided to make a small aisle.  An aisle that was made out of a white material and scattered with deep red rose petals and lit with beautiful, fat candles.  At the end of the aisle stood Steve, looking confused, and Tony, who was beaming and teary eyed and waving frantically at his mother.  Standing beside Steve was Sam and Thor, with a space for Bucky right beside Steve.  They were all wearing matching suits, with matching mint green ties.  

 

Jane, Pepper and Laura walked up to the front and were directed by Clint to stand waiting on the other side of the aisle.  Wanda, Vision, Maria and Nick were all seated, but stood as a lovely piano version of a pop song began playing.  

 

It was “[I was Made for Loving You](https://youtu.be/dFD02LYcw4k)”.  Darcy recognized it, because Bucky and Steve had been dutifully listening one day while Helen and Tony played them popular songs they both had liked as grownups to get them up to speed.  Steve had really liked the song, and Darcy had agreed wholeheartedly. And it sort of became their song.

 

Steve looked perplexed up at the front of the aisle, but his face was still shining with happiness as he stared at Darcy, his mouth hanging open a bit.  Ever since he had gotten his pants on, Bucky and Tony had been pushing and shoving him around, getting him to the Plaza way before the girls got there.  They'd shoved appetizers at him, they'd allowed Thor to give him a sip of something very strong.  They'd made him wait in a little room away from the place where the 'tea party' was to take place.  And they'd drug him out five minutes ago, Tony and Bucky sternly telling him to stay put right where he was.  

 

And he'd done it, because the boys had been really nice about everything so far that day.  And Thor seemed to understand what was happening.  And Sam was just as confused as him, but didn't seem to feel anything was off.  And Agent Sanchez had assured him that everything was fine.

 

Even Maria Hill had come in, been seated on the right side of the aisle by Clint and Nathaniel, and had given Steve a smirk and a wink.

 

Nothing could be bad about what was happening.  Steve was sure of that.  It was just some sort of fun game for the kids, and it was harmless and there were pretty things all around and good food and good friends, so Steve happily played along.

 

And now Darcy was standing at the end of that aisle as their song played gently, and she looked like a literal angel in the candlelight.  And Bucky was holding her hand, and Natasha and Helen were standing in front of her, intricately adorned baskets full of rose petals suddenly in their hands.  And they all looked so beautiful.  And they were his family.  And Darcy was everything in that moment.  Smiling up at him with confusion, but still, a sense of calm and surety that despite the strangeness of it all, it was still just another fun step on the adventure they had started a few months ago.

 

"What are we pretending, again?" Steve whispered to Tony.

 

Tony grinned as he saw his beautiful, precious mother whispering something similar to Helen and Natasha.

 

"We're gonna pretend to have a wedding."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! See you next Monday!


	20. What the World Needs Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did everything we could. We really did. And while we work through the aftermath, find a way to be kind and understanding and hopeful and to squash hate at every opportunity you can find. And keep fighting for what is right. 
> 
> I typed at every free moment I had today to get this done, because what the world needs now is love. And this chapter is full of it. Please forgive any typos as it is not as edited as it should be.

**Chapter Twenty: What the World Needs Now**

 

* * *

 

"Pretend wedding?" Darcy blinked down at Helen curiously, the little girl had her hand already in the basket, a huge clump of rose petals clasped in a tiny fist, just ready to be scattered joyously.  

 

"Uh huh," Helen smiled with just a hint of mischief sparkling in her eyes.  "Like how we married Mister Lionheart and Mister Ellyfun Trunks last week.  But now with FANCIER PANTS!"

 

On the other end of the aisle, Steve looked around suspiciously, wondering if a preacher were going to step out of the shadows and begin the ceremony.  He didn't think the kids were capable of pulling off a real wedding.   _Probably._ His eyes darted to the guests and Maria Hill still wore that shit eating smirk and Steve immediately tried to go over all of the things that he and Darcy had signed for her in the last month or so.

 

"Who is going to be uhm...officiating the pretend wedding?" Steve murmured to Tony.

 

"ME DUH!" Tony shrugged impishly.  "I'm the best at pretend weddings.  Remember how fun the big gay stuffed animal wedding was?"

 

Darcy stared down at Helen, who wasn't cracking under the pressure of her disseminating mom expression.  She looked to Natasha, who had dug out a Hershey's kiss from her basket, which had a lot of them mixed in along with the flower petals.  The little toddler carefully unwrapped the chocolate before shoving the whole thing in her mouth.   Then the cheeky little monkey gave her mother a chocolate filled smile before doing her specific squirmy dance that meant she was extra, super duper happy.

 

So finally, Darcy looked to Bucky.  Her little man, so good and honest and perfect.  He was beaming up at her with love and affection that made Darcy's heart want to burst with happiness.  He reached slightly up with his left hand and wrapped it in hers.

 

"I arm wrestled with Thor to get to walk you down the aisle, Ma," Bucky revealed proudly.  "We kinda cheated, cause Nats tickled him on his ticklish spot and Tony made a little bot to pinch Thor's butt, and Helen used some kind of powder that made Thor sneeze a lot.  But it was worth it to cheat, cause this is the best day ever. And will you please go marry my Pop now?  Cause it'll be so nice and you'll love each other forever and ever."

 

Darcy was powerless to resist that tiny little Bucky Barnes.  

 

And she found that when she truly considered it, she didn't really want to. 

 

She looked back up at Steve, who had Tony wrapped up in a bear hug.

 

"I just want you to be so happy, Dad," Tony whispered.  "You and Mom made everything so much better for me now.  I feel happy all the time...and now I wanna make you happy."

 

"Tony, you didn't have to spend all this money," Steve scolded gently.

 

"Money don't matter.  It's not important, family and fun and happy times are important.  And you can only get pretend married once," Tony shook his head against Steve's chest. "I think."

 

Steve gave a smacking kiss against Tony's still rounded cheek before putting him back down on the little, fancy box the boy had been standing on.  He looked back up to Darcy and gave her a warm smile and a shrug.

 

She winked in response as she clasped hands with Bucky, their two little girls bouncing on the balls of their feet as they waited for the go ahead to walk down the aisle.  

 

Both Steve and Darcy knew there was a slight chance this wasn't pretend.  Steve in particular, thought that a real officiant might walk out at any minute to really marry them.  Darcy knew that Bucky would never lie to her, and he didn't say anything about this being pretend.  

 

But neither of them found that it mattered that much.  

 

"Will you marry me, Darcy?" Steve called out from the end of the aisle.  "Pretend or not?"

 

It was fast.  It was such a hasty thing.  They'd known each other, in total, for half a year and been parents together for half of that time.  If any other person had come to either of them and explained their exact situation, both Darcy and Steve would have advised that the people in question have their heads examined.

 

But now, in that moment, it was all either of them really wanted.

 

" **Yes**!" Darcy shouted back exuberantly.  "Pretend or not!"

 

Natasha and Helen began jumping up and down in joy, little feet stamping on the ground.  Bucky wrapped both arms around Darcy's waist and squeezed as hard as he dared.  The small contingent of guests and the wedding party erupted in shouts and cheers, with Clint letting out loud, long piercing whistles.

 

"Okay, buddy," Steve grinned at Tony.  "Let's do this."

 

Tony's smile threatened to split his whole face and he looked to his right, holding up his right index finger and spinning it in a quick circle.  Suddenly, Sanchez took a few steps towards Darcy, handing her a handheld bouquet of gardenias.  Whoever was aiding and abetting the children at the venue switched the music to the bridal march and adjusted the lighting so that the only thing everyone could see was Darcy walking down the aisle with her hand held tightly in Bucky's, preceded by Helen and Natasha.  

 

The little girls were giving it their all in emptying their baskets.  Natasha was very careful to avoid throwing the Hershey's kisses, except for one that she lobbed at Maria Hill's head, smacking the woman right on the nose.

 

At the end of the aisle, Helen was dismayed to see that she still had half a basket full of rose petals.  Never one to let a job go unfinished, she paused and turned the entire basket over, dumping them all in a little pile.  She then fished into the basket and picked out a few stragglers, flicking them off of her fingertips.  Sam's chuckle at her antics had her looking up, a big happy smile on her face.

 

"Hi Boyfriend! You look SO SO SO SO Handsome!" Helen waved her now empty basket before placing it on the ground by Tony's podium.

 

"Thanks," Sam chuckled, watching as the little girl rushed up to Steve and gave him a big hug around his knees.  

 

"Love you Daddy," she mumbled into his pants.  

 

"Love you too, Helen," Steve carefully patted her expertly curled hair.

 

Natasha carefully handed her basket full of Hershey's kisses to Jane before grabbing Bucky's free hand and Helen's with her other hand and delivering Darcy to Steve.

 

"Dearie Bee lovers," Tony began.  "Who brought my Mom here to hitch her wagon to this guy here?"

 

"We do," Bucky answered, taking Darcy's hand and bringing it to his mouth, placing a little kiss on the back of it before handing it to Steve.  He looked up at his best friend and smirked, "If you hurt my Ma, ever, punk, I know at least a hundred different ways to hurt you."

 

"Nats knows five million billions," Nats warned him, sounding very terrifying indeed.  She then broke quickly out of her intimidating mode as Steve took Darcy's hands.  The little girl rushed at her parents, climbing up Steve and initiating a three person hug.  "Nats love you so much!"

 

"Thank you, baby," Steve smiled, kissing Natasha's cheek in tandem with Darcy before letting her hop down and take her place right next to Jane and Helen in the position of Darcy's maid of honor.  

 

"Okiedokie, artichokey," Tony smacked his hands together in a small clap and then clasped them over his stomach.  He met Darcy's amused little smile with an enthusiastic wink and pursed his lips in a kissy face.  

 

Darcy laughed and couldn't help but to take a step from Steve and plant a big kiss right on Tony's puckered mouth.  The flash of a phone camera went off and Tony looked up, offended.  Pepper Potts shrugged at him and snapped another picture.

 

"HEY!  No flash photography, lady!" Tony scolded.  "We had the three Whomp Cats set up all the cameras, we'll send you a multimedia package when it's all done!"

 

Pepper smirked at Tony and took another picture of him.

 

"You and your dumb beautiful face," Tony muttered as Pepper finally put away her phone.  He took another kiss on the cheek from Darcy before the bride went back to her place with Steve.  Tony grinned at his pseudo parents and took a deep breath.  "Mom and Dad, also known as Darcy and Steve to everyone not lucky enough to call 'em Mom and Dad...you guys look so stupid when you're looking at each other like that."

 

"Tony!" Steve laughed, failing to sound scolding at all.

 

Tony shrugged, his eyes extra big and full of all the innocence he could muster.

 

"S'true.  And it's _nice_ ," Tony insisted.  "Cause nothin's better than Captain America looking like that.  All stupid and full of squishy love bugs."

 

"Squishy squishy," Natasha echoed. "SO CUTE!"

 

"Love's really important," Tony continued with his free form speech as he looked around his congregation of people gathered to witness the nuptials.  He smiled at Rhodey, who was seated next to Vision, smiling in wonder and disbelief up at his miniature friend.  "And we got lots of love, love from friends is great.  We got lots of that here.  And it's real important and it grows and grows and grows until you're family cause of friendship."

 

Happy, absolutely devastated with tears, was standing at the back of the aisle for the security advantage made a hiccuping sobbing sound before he blew his nose loudly.

  
  


"And we got love from real family.  You can't pick who your family is and if you can love 'em anyways then that's real special," Tony nodded, his gaze going to each of his siblings.  Helen who was beaming at him, proud and happy.   Natasha whose mouth was smeared with chocolate, a significant pile of Hershey kiss wrappers at her feet tried to wink at him but only managed to blink both of her eyes comically.  And Bucky, standing right behind Steve, giving Tony a real, heartfelt smile, his blue eyes shining with tears and pride as he watched Tony talk.   Tony could admit Bucky was his brother, and he might not have been happy about it at first, but he knew he was happy now.  "That's somethin' not all of us had before...and it's real important and it's real nice that we have it now.  And I don't know if we'll ever get big again, but if we do, I know that it'll never go away.  Not really.  Cause family is forever."

 

Tony looked up at Darcy and Steve, who only had eyes for each other at that point, then he stole a quick glance at Pepper, who was looking at him with a certain kind of sadness that made Tony all kinds of confused about what he had previously been so sure about.  He didn't want her to be sad.  

 

"And we got love that's a little different than those.  Just as important, but different, like snowflakes between special people who fit together," Tony looked away from Pepper reluctantly, and back to Darcy and Steve, who looked so amazingly happy, that it didn't seem fair.  "And sometime it takes the snowflakes a lot of time to build and grow and become strong.  And sometime, everything matches up so perfect, and so quick, that afore you know it, you got a big giant snowflake that's strong and beautiful."

 

Steve nodded at Darcy slightly and mouthed ' _ I love you _ '.  She beamed back at him, squeezing against his hands that held hers.  

 

"So now, my Mom and Dad have all three of those kinds of love," Tony continued with a euphoric grin.  "And we're all here today, cause it's perfect and right to get 'em nice and married.  So...does anybody got ab jack shins?"

 

Natasha turned her head, the skewer that Darcy had meant to take from her earlier appearing in a chubby fist.  She stared down every person who was witnessing the wedding in a very short amount of time.  

 

"Jesus, I think I just wet myself," Dave whispered from the back, where he and his cohorts were indeed, working on getting all of the pictures and video they could.

  
  


"Awesome!" Tony fist pumped with excitement.  "Let's do this. Rock and roll!"

 

He pulled out a neatly folded piece of construction paper, covered in crayon written scrawl that was nearly gibberish and bit at his bottom lip as he tried to read it.  It was hard because it was written by all four of the kids, and Nats couldn't actually  _write_ , so Tony ad-libbed as best as he could.

 

"Dad, please repeat after me," Tony said seriously.  "I, Steven Dad Rogers..."

 

"I, Steven Dad Rogers," Steve worked very hard at not laughing.

 

"Do slow lamb lee promise to love and cherish Darcy, aka, the best mommy ever, forever and ever.  And if I don't, Nats gets to bust me in the test or calls.  And I promise to make Mom happy.  And I promise to make her sgettis and meatballs.  And I promise to give cuddles whenever she wants.  And I promise to keep her safe and warm and never leave her, and if you do, you will get punished so bad, cause Hells said she can figure out how to keep your bones broke when Bucky and Nats break 'em."

 

Steve laughed and shook his head as Tony finished his very quick ramble.  He shrugged at Darcy helplessly and did his best to repeat what Tony had said, meaning every word of it.

 

"Close enough," Tony shrugged, before looking at Darcy with a gleeful little grin.  "Now, Mom, repeat after me, please and thank you."

 

"Good manners, Tony," Darcy praised him softly.

 

"Gold star for manners," Helen whispered excitedly.

 

"I, Darcy Mommy Lewis," Tony began.

 

"I, Darcy Mommy Lewis," Darcy repeated dutifully, then waited with an anticipatory little grin for Tony's rambling words. 

 

"Do slow lamb lee promise to love and cherish Steve, aka the best Daddy ever, forever and ever.  And if I don't, then we will tickle you until you do again.  And I promise to make Daddy...and Nats, the special cookies with the chopped up candy bars in 'em whenever he deserves 'em.  And I promise to always keep being perfect and wonderful and give cuddles when Daddy needs some, but to make sure to give all her kids cuddles too when they need 'em and Daddy'll just have to wait and be patient until she's done.  And I promise to sometimes, but only when I want to, do that thing when the news is on at night after you put us to bed, that makes Daddy make his silly weird noises and go  _ 'oh hell sweetheart _ '..."

 

"Okay, yes, I promise to do all of that," Darcy said quickly before Tony gave a little too much detail about faint noises the kids might have heard once or twice by accident.  She looked back at a red faced, but chuckling Steve and sighed contentedly.  "And I promise to spend every single moment we have together, giving it my everything.  And making sure that every day this love I have for you, this second greatest surprise of my life, second only to these beautiful kids, gets stronger."

 

"Yeah," Steve said softly.  "I promise that too.  I'm all in, sweetheart.  For everything and forever."

 

"Well that was off book," Tony grumbled pleasantly enough.  "I'm in charge now cause I'm the office shanty."

 

"Okay, carry on, buddy," Steve shook his head in fond amusement.

 

"Do we have the rings?" Tony looked to Bucky expectantly, who did pull a little ring box from his pocket and handed it up to Tony.  

 

Tony opened the box and Steve furrowed his brow as he immediately recognized the larger golden band and the smaller one with a little diamond in the center of it.  Steve looked to Natasha, whose cheeks were bulged with the amount of Hershey's kisses she'd crammed in.  Then he looked to Bucky, who was shuffling his feet with a little guilt.

 

"Those are my parents' rings," Steve said softly.  "They were in my safe..."

 

"Sorry, Pop," Bucky shrugged guiltily.

 

"Nats not sorry daddy!" Natasha called out around her mouthful of chocolate.  "So cute!"

 

"They're beautiful," Darcy squeezed at Steve's hands.  At least now they knew what Bucky and Natasha had been up to when they had wandered away the day prior.  

 

"Yeah," Steve nodded, dropping one of Darcy's hands and reaching for the box.

 

"Wait a second, guy, I gotta do the blessing," Tony jerked the box away.  He looked at the box with intense concentration and nodded.  "With the power vested to me by the Great Church of Goatee Monkeys, and the Amazing Con-greg-nation of Divine Mechanics, I, Tony the fifth level goatee monkey and seventh level mechanic bless the rings with love and happiness and let they never be tarnished or sad."

 

Pepper made a little sound, something akin to surprise.  And Pepper Potts did not get surprised all that easy.  Darcy tried to turn to look around, but Tony waved the rings in front of her face and Steve and she took the appropriate one.  

 

"With this ring," Steve smiled down as Darcy wiggled her left ring finger at him.  He slid it on and wasn't surprised that they already seemed to be perfectly fitted.  "I thee wed."

 

"I didn't tell you to say that, Dad!" Tony whined, but looked down at his piece of construction paper and nodded.  "But yeah, that was the right thing to say.  Your turn, Mom."

 

Darcy picked up the thicker gold band and laughed as Steve practically shoved his hand at her.  She carefully slid the ring on and looked up at him with a particularly sweet little smile before saying softly, "With this ring, I thee wed."

 

Natasha and Helen squealed in delight and began jumping up and down together.  

 

"With the powers vested to me by loads and loads of people on the internets and Asgard and everything, I now pronounce you totally married!" Tony announced loudly. 

 

" **KISS MY MOMMY**!" Natasha screeched excitedly. " **NOW KISS HER NOW!"**

  
  


Steve laughed before pulling Darcy into his arms and laying a very enthusiastic kiss against her very willing and also enthusiastic lips.  His fingers gently lay against the small of her back, rubbing slightly at the surprisingly soft lace that made up Darcy's top.  He heard gasping from everyone assembled, then Helen and Natasha squealing even more.  

 

" _Holy cow_ ," Bucky could be heard around the sudden cotton in Darcy and Steve's ears.  "Holy cow, it totally worked."

 

"POINTY BREAK, I DID IT RIGHT!" Tony shouted exuberantly.  "I. AM. _AWWWWESOME_!"

 

When Steve reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, he blinked his eyes open in concert with Darcy and they were astonished to see that they were enveloped in a bright white light, originating from the point of contact of Steve's fingers against Darcy's lace.  The light seemed to be coming from both of them, seeping from them, then going to the other, then seeping out.  It felt very much like magic.  

 

It felt solidifying and uniting.  Steve could feel something indescribable, deep down inside of him being tied irrevocably to Darcy.  It spread a warmth throughout his entire body and he stared down in wonder at Darcy, as she did the same, staring up at him with wide, unblinking eyes.  

 

"Okay---what just happened?" Darcy whispered as the light began to recede, sinking into Steve and Darcy's skin.

 

"I didn't do it!" Tony announced very quickly, afraid that Darcy's confusion would lead to scolding.  He pointed at Thor, who stood proudly at the end of the line of Steve's groomsmen and said, "It was all Thor's idea!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my very first election that I got to vote in. While the result isn't what I wanted, it taught me a valuable lesson. Be good to each other. Keep fighting the good fight!
> 
> I hope this chapter gave you some smiles no matter who you voted for. <3 to you guys. Em


	21. Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Steve Rogers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand, we're back. 
> 
> I wanted to show little snippets here, so please forgive the short scene lengths.
> 
> <3

 

**Chapter Twenty-One: Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Steven Rogers**

 

* * *

 

"I didn't do anything!"

 

The claim sounded like it had come from Tony or Helen.  It was at once petulant and pleading.  It was delivered with wide blue eyes that had just been sparkling with happy tears which were now decidedly sad looking as the proclaimed innocent let his lower lip tremble pathetically.  

 

Quite frankly, Thor looked like the picture of perfect innocence.  Darcy and Steve, as one, both got that expression on their faces, that parental, knowing expression that told Thor that they believed not one word that was coming out of his mouth.  

 

"Thor, we're not upset," Darcy said calmly, sounding like she had three weeks ago when she had tried to reassure Bucky that she wasn't upset that his metal hand had accidentally destroyed the third faucet handle in the kitchen in the last two months.  

 

"We'd just like to know what happened, Thor," Steve patiently smiled at his friend standing in the back of the line of his groomsmen.  He nodded and wrapped his arm around Darcy's shoulders and walked towards the Asgardian.  "Let's talk about this in private, buddy."

 

"Oh my god, they make the best parents ever," Jane whispered to Pepper.  

 

"Like a freaking Disney show," Pepper agreed.

 

"Well, the children wanted you to be happy forever," Thor explained, his voice gaining his usual bravado and confidence with every word now that he knew Darcy and Steve weren't very upset with him.  They walked towards the little room that Steve had been sequestered in earlier and took a step inside.  Thor shrugged a little and looked at Darcy in particular, "And you had told me on many occasions, Lady Darcy, that you wished to not leave my Jane lonely when her time came to join me on the throne in Asgard."

 

"I---I did," Darcy nodded.  She looked down at the lace of her top and then back to Steve who was blinking curiously down at her.  "But what's that got to do with the magic voodoo that has me---you know, completely blissed out and euphoric?  Not that I'm complaining, because, dude, it's totally amazing."

  
  


"Yeah," Steve agreed in a whisper. He was glad Darcy had put it into words.  He felt as though there was a inner peace gently swirling inside of him.  Nothing could be so wrong when he had Darcy standing right next to him.

 

"You cannot partake of the apple, as you had eloquently wished to in the past," Thor reminded her.

 

"I told you that if Janie had to live forever, then you better let me do it too so she'd never be lonely, and if you didn't I would taze your ass, then tie you to the top of Stark Towers," Darcy nodded in semi-fond remembrance.

 

"Indeed," Thor smiled at her proudly.  "I found another way."

 

"Explain," Steve blinked at him curiously.

 

"Well, the lace is woven from the threads created by the light crusaders of Vanaheim," Thor said, as if that explained it all.  He wrinkled his nose as Darcy and Steve looked at him with the same expectant curiosity as before.  "It only works on the truest of matches.  And it is usually used to balance a long life with a painfully short one.  The light crusaders live for centuries, but can only mate with the curators of the garden, who live for mere years."

 

"Holy cow," Darcy borrowed a phrase from Bucky as she began to understand what Thor had done.

 

"Now, your lives are truly shared," Thor gave them a small, hopeful smile.  "The Captain would have survived far longer than you in his current state.  Now---it shall not happen."

 

"What if---what if something happens to me?" Steve wondered and Darcy turned into him looking up at him with something akin to anger.  "Just---you know how our lives are."

 

Thor's face nearly split in a grin.

 

"You cannot leave this realm without her permission, and she cannot leave without yours," the beaming Asgardian revealed.  "Most choose to leave together, hand in hand on their way to Valhalla after a life well lived together."

 

"I---I don't know what to say," Darcy whispered.  

 

"When somebody gives you something nice, you're supposed to say thank you!" Helen stage whispered from the door.  

 

Steve and Darcy turned to see four little heads stacked up, one on top of the other at the slightly opened door.  They looked happy, but anxious, as if they knew they had done something naughty, but it wasn't  ‘ _ I accidentally made the base evacuate because I created a new chemical compound by accident _ ' naughty.  

 

"Togevver forever," Natasha chanted low and slow, just like the little gingerbread lady in her favorite Shrek cartoon.  

 

"So this was all---for the Asgardian ritual?" Steve clarified.  "The whole---pretend wedding thing?"

 

"Yeah!" Tony immediately answered, eagerly.   "Totally."

 

Natasha and Helena eagerly nodded their heads, moving them so violently that one might not even notice that Bucky wasn't nodding at all, but instead, looked a little anxious.  Darcy and Steve might have noticed, but they had turned their attention back on Thor, who looked like he was awaiting a nasty sentence for a crime all of a sudden.  Instead, Darcy threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his middle, and Steve was quick to follow, wrapping his arms around Thor so that Darcy was stuck in the middle of a blond beefcake sandwich.  

 

"Thanks, Thor," Steve said genuinely.  Darcy could only make a vague noise in agreement.  

 

"You are my shield brother, Steven," Thor nodded.  "And Darcy is my lightning sister.  I saw the pain in you when she was injured on my prior visit.  I would not have either of you hurting in such a way again."

 

"So---party time?" Tony wondered.  "That chocolate fountain ain't gonna eat itself."

 

* * *

 

 

Pepper Potts knew that Tony was slippery when being a liar.  She had known it when he was an adult, prior to their romantic relationship, running away from responsibility and headfirst into whatever debauchery he could find.  She had known it during their romantic relationship, when he would happily bluff his way through depression and PTSD and depression.  

 

And now she knew that at the age of six, he would willingly do the chicken dance, pose for cute family pictures and run around entertaining everyone in the room in order to get away from her very important questions.  She'd unsuccessfully tried to corner him during the small part of the reception hour that he had not been involved in group pictures.  She'd even tried to corner him during a group picture, but he'd used his siblings as a human barrier.   

 

Pepper was not about to tangle with Natasha, no matter her age.

 

Finally, as they all sat down to dinner, Pepper managed to corner him while he was on the way out of the bathroom, looking adorable as he tried to straighten out his complicated three piece suit.  She huffed out a sigh before dropping to her knees and helping him fold the pocket square and place it back into his suit pocket.  

 

"Heya hotstuff," Tony said with just a little trepidation and a lot of forced bravado.

 

"Tony," Pepper nodded.  "We have some things to talk about."

 

"I decided I wanna be big again!" Tony announced loudly.  "Not right away.  Maybe after Christmas.  Cause I think it'd be nice to have Christmas with my family.  But then---yeah, big again.  I think it'll be nice."

 

"I---I, don't know what to say," Pepper said softly, staring at Tony's blushing face.

 

"I just really miss your stupid, perfect, dumb face" Tony admitted freely.  He leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Pepper's cheek before rushing away.

 

Pepper blinked in astonishment and was surprised to be helped to her feet by Happy, who was standing next to Rhodey, who both looked suspicious.

 

"Did you ask him?" Rhodey wondered.

 

"Huh?" Pepper blinked, well and truly gobsmacked.  

 

"Did you ask Tony about the goatee church and the grease monkey thing?" Happy wondered.

 

Pepper blinked once more, shaking her head a bit before turning to look for Tony again, who was sitting at the little round table that held Darcy and Steve and the kids as they were served their first course.  Tony was cackling maniacally as the waiters pulled off the plate covers and revealed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  

 

She'd been duped.

 

"That little shit," she breathed out in annoyance.

 

* * *

 

 

"Can I have a sip of your bubble juice?" Helen asked hopefully, trying to sound as polite as she could.

 

The three Wombats plus Scott looked down at the little girl curiously.  She was standing there alongside Bucky, who didn't look all that impressed with his little sister at the moment.

 

"Dude, no," Scott shook his head even as Kurt went to hand Helen his glass.  "She's FOUR."

 

"Tech knack lee, I'm thirty---thirty something," Helen shrugged.  She wrinkled her nose in annoyance at the men who had been their technical babysitters just a short while ago.  "A lady doesn't got to reveal her age!"

 

"I'm ninety-nine," Bucky announced calmly.  

 

"Dude, NO," Scott repeated.

 

"Worth a shot," Bucky shrugged.  "C'mon, Hells, they gots kid friendly sham pag nee up at the bar."

 

"Rude," Helen glared at the three wombats, sticking her tongue out at them.

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  


"She's so cute," Jane breathed as she sat next to Thor as the dancing began.  Natasha had finally succumbed to the inevitable sugar crash from her earlier foray into the wonders of the chocolate fountain and decided to take a short nap.

 

And while the temptation to fall asleep on her father's shoulder had been very high, she'd wanted him to dance with her mommy again and again and again.  So she'd climbed up on Thor's lap instead, smeared a chocolate kiss against his cheek in payment for being able to collapse against his surprisingly comfortable shoulder and catch a quick catnap before the cake was brought out.

 

"She is a mighty and fierce warrior of Midgard," Thor intoned lowly.  He smiled though, and stroked a large hand over Natasha's wild red curls.  "She is quite adorable though.  I wish to bring her a gift from home on our next visit, dear Jane."

 

"Like, tiny weapons?" Jane wondered hopefully.  "Because you know, that'd be damned cute."

 

"Nay, she has plenty of her own weapons," Thor pointed to the little girl's legs, where, sure enough, barely peaking out of her little white anklet socks was a white spork.  "I wish to bring her a beast."

 

"A puppy," Jane blinked at him.

 

"Nay, a tiny beast, which shall grow with her and she could ride it into glorious battle," Thor insisted.

 

"A PUPPY," Jane said insistently.  "A Midgardian puppy."

 

"But---the antevor---"

 

"A  _ PUPPY _ ," Jane's order was resolute.  "We can give it to them for Christmas."

 

"Wanna puppy beats," Natasha murmured into Thor's neck.

 

"Fine..." Thor sighed at Jane.  He patted his hand over Natasha's diapered bottom as Jane walked away, as Laura called out for bridesmaid slippery nipple shots to be taken.  Thor smiled as Natasha cuddled closer into him.  "A puppy beast."

 

* * *

 

"And now for the first dance of Mr and Mrs. Steven Grant Rogers," Scott announced cheesily from his place at the DJ table.  He and the Wombats were technically in charge of this too, as a real DJ couldn't have been sent through clearance so quickly.

 

Four children let out whoops of joy as they rushed their parents to the dance floor.  Bucky was pushing both hands against Steve's backside while Tony gripped one of Steve's hands and drug him forward, while Natasha and Helen both were yanking on Darcy's hands.  They arranged them carefully on the dance floor, allowing Steve to hold Darcy in the frame for a waltz.

 

"No, don't like it!" Nats announced and began pushing her parents closer together.  She grinned like a loon when she placed Steve's hands on Darcy's bottom and squealed with laughter when Tony placed Darcy's hands in much the same way.

 

"Seriously, this song?" Dave questioned the kids curiously.

 

"Play the song, bomb bat!" Helen ordered.

 

"Helen," Steve reminded her patiently.

 

"Play the song, bomb bat, please!" Helen ordered just as bossily, the please sounding like and even more strict order.

 

The sound of the calypso began to blare out of the speakers and Darcy and Steve both laughed as the children's collective favorite song began to play.  

 

"The seaweed is always greener---" Tony sang along as he and Helen held hands and danced around.

 

"On somebody else's plate," Bucky joined in as he and Natasha also danced around hyper actively.

 

"Not quite the first romantic dance I envisioned," Steve admitted in a whisper in Darcy's ear.

 

"No, but it works just as well," Darcy smiled up at him as they swayed back and forth to the music.  "I love you, Steve."

 

"I love you too, Darcy," Steve answered. 

 

They managed to get to the first chorus before the children decided that was quite enough of couples only dancing and began a conga line with their parents, rushing around the room to collect as many people as they could.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam watched as Helen carefully put a few snacks on her plate from the extensive snack buffet set out in the corner of the room.  She had two plates, one for sweet and one for salty and she was desperately trying to make sure nothing had touched.  He would have normally gone to help her.  

 

He knew how much she hated her food touching.  Even as an adult.

 

But after the big family dance, and then more dancing, and knowing that speeches and cake were coming soon, Sam was just tired.  He was so tired.  He and Helen had been together for quite a bit now, meeting at the Avenger's base after Ultron.  He'd watched her, still stiff and sore from her injuries at the hand of the megalomaniac robot, trying to put a plate of dinner together from a buffet that Tony had set up for everyone.  

 

She'd been struggling to make sure the mashed potatoes didn't touch the cut of prime rib.  And she'd been so insistent about everything when he offered to help her, so bossy and take charge and competent even in her pain, that Sam had just fallen for her, completely and totally.  

 

And here they were.  She was still bossy.  Still take charge.  Still competent, and still avidly trying to make sure her popcorn didn't touch her little pile of fancy cheese.  But she was no longer that sassy lady he had fallen for.  She was tiny and small and defenseless except for the tiny murder munchkins that protected her fiercely.

 

"Are you alright?"

 

Sam looked to his right, and sure enough, Wanda was standing there, looking at the same thing he was.

 

"I'm just---I miss her," Sam admitted.  "I miss her walking into the door at the end of a long day and just, crawling on me and demanding food and affection, like a damned cat."

 

"You're souring, Sam," Wanda said softly.  "Three months ago, you were distressed to be sure, but you had hope.  And I can't get it off of you now."

 

"Cause I'm losing it," Sam admitted.  "I just...I just want my girl back."

  
  


"Viz thinks he's figured something out," Wanda whispered, her eyes darting around them to make sure she was unheard.  "But Pym doesn't want to consider it because---because we'd need a human to volunteer."

 

"Use me," Sam said resolutely.

 

"You're not the only one who volunteered," Wanda said carefully.  "We have a list a mile long of those that might want to help."

 

"Then what's the holdup?" Sam asked in a low, angry voice.

 

"It's...it's Pym," Wanda whispered.  

 

"When we go back tomorrow, you and Vision are taking me to that lab, and we are going to get answers from him," Sam muttered.  "Or I'm going to break his old face in."

 

Helen let out an anxious sound as the strawberry she had placed on a plate began to roll towards the pretzels she had also gotten.  Sam was rushing for her in no time, beating Steve for once, who had been all the way across the room, helping Bucky and Natasha with the chocolate fountain.  

 

"I just don't want 'em to touch!" Helen cried out anxiously as Sam steadied the plate and used a fork to make clear barriers.  She huffed out a sigh and looked up at Sam and nodded.  "Hi boyfriend."

 

"Hi Helen," Sam answered.

 

"Thank you for the help," she whispered.

 

"I'll always be here for you, I promise."

 

* * *

 

 

"Nats loves Mommy and Daddy so much and they is so cute and now Nats wants a baby brother, okay, love you bye," Natasha dropped the microphone and hopped off the stage.

 

Jane remained there, blinking and picked up the microphone and delivered the rest of the maid of honor speech.

 

"Uhm...well...good luck, there, uh, Darcy and Steve," Jane wrinkled her nose.  "I think you guys are probably going to have to throw a baby shower soon, because when that little girl wants something, she usually gets it?  So---yeah.  I'm rescinding my gift of that blanket made with eternally soft fiber from Swartlegate and I'm going to buy you a huge box of condoms.  Mazeltov!"

 

"Uhm---and...uh, now for the best man speech?" Scott turned to little Bucky hopefully, who was blinking over at Nats in surprised astonishment.

  
  


"Hi, my name is Bucky," Bucky waved to everyone who actually already knew who he was.  He reached into his suit pocket and pulled out a piece of construction paper with crayon scrawled words on it and nodded.  "I love my Ma and Pop very much.  And just cause I met my Pop a long, long time ago, doesn't mean that I don't love 'em both equally.  But I know certain stuff about Steve that not a lot of other people know..."

 

Bucky cleared his throat and nodded.

 

"I know that Steve likes brown haired ladies that don't like being quiet about stuff that matters.  And who will punch somebody out for being naughty.  And I know he likes hugs that last too long, and cookies that are chewy but not too crunchy.  And I know that when he was little and sick, he used to think that he'd never have a wife and a family of his own, even though he wanted it real bad,” Bucky pursed his mouth thoughtfully and looked back up at Darcy with all the love sparkling in his eyes that was humanly possible.  

 

"And now he got everything he ever wanted or deserved in my ma," Bucky said with a soft shyness.  He shrugged and lifted up his little glass of sparkling fruit juice and said, "To Darcy and Steve!"

 

The crowd echoed and toasted, and Steve placed a kiss to Darcy's temple before patting her on her lower back, giving her wordless permission to rush at Bucky and cover the little boy in kisses.  

 

Steve stood over Bucky as he gleefully went submissive and compliant for the kiss attack and chuckled to himself,

 

"Still trying to steal all the girls out from under me, even at six."

 

* * *

 

 

"CAKE!" Tony announced grandly.  "C'mon CAKE CAKE CAKE!"

 

Pepper gripped Tony by the back of his collar and stared down at him as he tried to squirm away from her.

 

"How did you do it, you little, smooshy rat bastard?" she demanded.

 

"Do what?  Be stinking  _ adorable _ ?" Tony shot back.  "Mom says I'm naturally adorable and can't help it just leaking outta me, so there, you red-haired angel-witch!"

 

"You actually married them, Tony!" Pepper accused in a whisper.  She held up her phone to show the evidence she had managed to gather.  Sure enough, signed licenses and official, court approved paperwork were on display.  "I know that you are ACTUALLY ordained by those insane churches online."

 

"Disc Ram And Nation!" Tony gasped at her.  "My religion is just as real and normal as your Ape Thea Sim!"

 

"Friday?" Pepper spoke into the phone.

 

"Hola Seniorita Spicy!" Friday chirped back.  

 

"Tell me a story about how Tony actually married his parents, please?" Pepper asked, trying to keep the exasperation out of her tone, knowing that the AI would refuse if she didn't ask in exactly the right way.

 

"Oh, well, El Jefe had lots of help!  And money makes things happen in the world, so while it isn't the MOST important thing, it still is an important thing," Friday answered.  "Can you guess what the most important thing is, Seniorita Spicy?"

 

"Friends and family and love," Pepper answered evenly.  She looked up at the party as the seven tier cake, beautiful in its perfect simplistic way, was wheeled out to stand in front of Darcy and Steve, who were looking around for their kids before cutting in.  She caught Clint's eye, and the man had the good grace to shuffle his feet and look down.  She then looked to Maria, who didn't have the good grace to shuffle her feet and look down.  Instead, she shrugged at Pepper, gave her a wink and then went back to smirking at the newly married couple.

 

"So right, Seniorita Spicy!" Friday congratulated.

 

"Tony?" Darcy called out.  She saw him standing by Pepper and her eyes narrowed slightly.  She knew Pepper wouldn't actually hurt Tony, but the woman had threatened and that was enough to get Darcy's fierce protectiveness going.  Darcy quickly stomped towards Tony and Pepper and reached down, picking Tony up and cuddling him as close as she could.  "We alright here?"

 

"Fine," Pepper sighed.  "Uhm...Darcy, just so you know."

 

"Pepp, I kind of figured," Darcy whispered back, her cheek resting against the side of Tony's head.  "I mean, I helped him apply to the Church of the Grease Monkeys, remember?  We thought it was funny."

 

"Oh," Pepper nodded, completely gobsmacked.

 

"I just need to tell Steve later...that we're  _ really _ married instead of just pretend.  I'm pretty sure he'll be happy," Darcy shrugged a soft smile on her face.

 

"I know he'll be happy, Mom," Tony promised her.

 

"Thanks sweetpea," Darcy gave him a kiss against his cheek.  "Now come on, Nats really wants cake and she's gonna jump in mouth first pretty soon."

 

Pepper watched as Darcy marched she and Tony back to the rest of the little family and marveled as Steve took Tony from Darcy's arms, placed a kiss on the boy's temple before placing him down on the ground with the rest of the kids.  He then reached for the cake cutter with Darcy and they carefully pulled out a wedge of really phenomenal looking cake.

 

Pepper was always a lot pragmatic, and she had always thought that Steve had been a kindred spirit in that respect.  They had often commiserated over having to yank Tony back from a ledge.  Steve was the last person on Earth she thought would happily get unwittingly married to a woman he'd known less than a year.  

 

It had taken Pepper nearly half a decade to finally admit that she didn't hate Tony.

 

But here he was, getting cake smashed into his face before lifting Darcy up and off of her feet totally and doing his best to smear icing on her face via kissing exclusively.  He also managed to bring his hand down and pat at Natasha's red curls, holding the girl at bay as Bucky carefully cut out another piece of cake and handed it off to the girl before she did totally demolish the cake.

 

Pragmatic he still was, surely, but that didn't mean he couldn't fall in love.  Pepper smiled warmly as Darcy put her icing covered fingers on Steve's cheeks and looked up at him so adoringly that it wasn't really fair.  

 

Pepper was so caught up with staring at Darcy and Steve that she didn't realize someone was tugging her hand for a full ten seconds before she looked down and saw Bucky staring up at her, a plate of cake in his hand.  

 

"Thank you, Bucky," she said softly.

 

"Tony really does want to grow up again," Bucky whispered to her.  "We talked about it, afore.  He just needs a little more time."

 

"Really?" Pepper looked down at him hopefully.

 

"Really," Bucky nodded.  "Just, don't give up on him, yet.  They'll figure it out and then he'll be big again."

 

Pepper nodded and took a deep breath.  "What about you?  Do you want to grow up again?"

 

"Doesn’t matter to me," Bucky admitted freely.  He shrugged and smiled, "I wouldn't mind if I did, but, I like this.  It's safe.  And happy.  And warm."

 

"Yeah, I bet it is," Pepper blinked back easy tears.  

 

"Tony wants to ask you to dance later, but he's scared you'll call him dumb or somethin'," Bucky admitted.  "So will you dance with him later?  Just...a little?  Please?"

 

"Oh my god, you're the world's best wingman," Pepper laughed.  She bent over and placed a kiss on Bucky's head and then nodded.  "Yes, you tell your brother, I will dance a song with him later, and I will do my very best not to call him dumb."

 

* * *

 

 

"Nats sleepy," Natasha sighed as Darcy held her close and swayed on the dance floor as a soft, lovely  song played as the night wore down.  

 

"I know you are, baby, so sleep," Darcy coaxed gently.  

 

"No, don't want to miss more happy," Natasha disputed, then yawned loud and long.  "So nice and happy."

 

"You won't miss anymore happy, baby girl, I promise," Darcy cooed at her as Natasha's blinks became prolonged.  Steve approached them, with two tired little boys trailing after him and a sleeping Helen in his own arms.  

 

"She fell asleep trying to separate M&M's by color," Steve whispered to Darcy.  "We heading back to the tower?"

 

"Nah, we got a suite," Tony announced.  "With the bedrooms on opposite sides and a white noise machine in ours. So you know...you can  _ oh hell sweetheart _ all yous want."

 

"Tony," Steve chuckled.

 

"You gotta corn some mate it or it don't count!  The magic don’t work unless you...unless you  _ oh hell sweetheart _ ," Bucky fretted a little.  "We'll sleep like logs, promise."

 

"C'mon, hubs, let's go corn some mate this," Darcy laughed, nudging Steve with her shoulder as she began to walk to the back of the ballroom, where Agent Sanchez was waiting with a smile.

 

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Rogers," Sanchez nodded at them, before leading the family to a secure elevator that was waiting for them.

  
  


The suite was enormous, and no sooner than the girls had been placed into the bed, then the boys climbed up and didn't even get out of the rest of their suits before their eyes drifted close.  

 

"So, wife of mine," Steve smiled at her as they went about undressing the sleeping kids and replacing fancy dress wear with cozy pajamas that had been sitting on the end of the bed.  

 

"Yes, hubs?" Darcy smiled softly.  

 

"What are the odds this is real?" Steve wondered, unable to get the hint of hope out of his voice as he managed to wrangle Bucky's metal arm into a t-shirt with Steve's shield on it.

 

"Hmm, one hundred percent to none?" Darcy grinned as she finger combed Helen's heavy black bangs away from the girl's face.  "Well, I've always been bad at statistics.  What's a bet that's a sure thing?"

 

"One to one," Steve grinned, tucking Tony into the covers.  

 

"Tony's ordained.  By...a lot of churches," Darcy admitted as he finished up tucking the kids in, before taking his hand and leading him out of the children's bedroom.  "And I think some strings were pulled paperwork wise."

 

"So you're really, honestly my wife now?" Steve swallowed as they shut the door.  He looked down at her in wonder and shook his head in slight disbelief.  

 

"We can have it annulled if you want," Darcy said softly, knowing what his reaction to that would be.

 

She bit her bottom lip to contain her whoop of delight as he scooped her up and off of her feet, carrying her in a very apropos bridal carry as they made their way across the suite to their own bedroom.  

 

"C'mon, Mrs. Rogers, let's go corn some mate this thing."

 

* * *

 

 

"Oh hell, sweetheart."

 

Natasha pressed her hand against Bucky's forehead and he grumbled in his sleep, but dutifully slid out of bed and walked towards the bureau where the white noise machine that their parents had neglected to turn on was sitting.  He climbed up the bureau easily, turning on the babbling brook and ocean sounds to full blast to try and cover up some of the excited sounds coming from across the suite.

 

"Thanks, Buck," Tony mumbled sleepily.  "Nats?"

 

"Mmmmfff," Natasha answered.

 

"Were you serious about wanting a baby brother?" Tony whispered.

 

"Yes, Nats don't want to be littlest forever," Natasha sighed.

 

"Okay.  We'll work on it next."

  
  


Helen yawned and nodded, still half asleep, "I got lots and lots a plans for that.  We can have a diss cushion in the morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if anyone wanted to see the kids get in trouble for TOTALLY marrying their parents. Those kids are kind of bulletproof here. Sorry!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! I'll be back on Wednesday with Heroes Get Remembered.


	22. Stress Tests and Pants Regulation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday!!
> 
> I hope that you enjoy this little bit of fluff (and a cliffhanger).

**Chapter Twenty-Two:  Stress Tests and Pants Regulation**

 

* * *

 

 

"Okiedokie arts-and-chokies.   _ Step One in getting a baby brother _ ..."

 

The kids had woken up early on the first morning of Darcy and Steve's newly wedded bliss.  For once, Natasha had not snuck into their bedroom and demanded kisses and cuddles and candy.  Instead, she had woken up at dawn, and immediately shaken Bucky awake and demanded kisses, cuddles and candy from him.  Helen and Tony had woken up two hours later to find Bucky and Natasha sitting on the overstuffed armchair in the corner of the hotel suite's bedroom, their trusty Stark pad in hand as they played games that Friday had just invented for them.  

  
  


It involved catching candy in baskets by tilting the pad back and forth.  Every time they hit the end of a level, Friday would reward them by ordering a pallet of their favorite candy to be delivered back to the Avengers Base.  They'd cleared ten levels so far.

 

But when Helen had finally woken up and gone through her intense morning routine: bathroom, hand washing, mouthwash, five jumping jacks, ten sun salutations, hand washing, brushing her teeth, hand washing, then high-fiving each of her siblings.  

 

Their parents still hadn't ventured into the room, so Tony had picked up the phone and asked for ' _ ALL of the breakfastes _ ' to be delivered to Agent Sanchez and then quietly brought into their private room only, allowing the newlyweds to sleep a little bit longer.  

 

Helen had excitedly eaten her neatly organized, color sorted fruit loops, then polished off a whole banana, then decided to splurge a little and stuff a plain belgian waffle wedge into her mouth, and then five whole whopping spoonfuls of whipped cream.  She was wiping the back of her mouth off neatly with one of the fancy room service napkins when she had announced that it was time.

 

"First and most important in the coin sap shin of babies, is that the mommy shouldn't be so stressed out all the time," Helen said wisely.  "So from now until our baby brother is born, we gotta be so so  _ so _ good."

 

Tony looked at Helen suspiciously.  She blinked at him owlishly in return.  He knew that grownup Helen was the be all end all in all things medical, and he knew that even as a little girl, Helen retained a lot of that knowledge.  And she certainly knew more than he did about where babies come from.  All of this being said, Tony still couldn't help but be wary about Helen's motives.  

 

"What?" Bucky looked at Tony, reading his dubious expression immediately.  "Hells isn't wrong, Tony.  Stress is bad for mommies with babies in their belly."

 

"Sure, sure, I know," Tony agreed.  "But most important to making babies isn't stress, it's more...you know.   _ Oh hell sweetheart _ .  They have to do that more than once a day.  They have to do it like...five times an hour, at least!"

 

"Five times an hour?" Bucky blinked at him.  "But when will they do their other stuff?"

 

"Nats needs hugs from Mommy and Daddy," Natasha said resolutely.  She looked to Helen and authoritatively said, "Fine a better way."

 

"It don't gotta be five times an hour!" Helen insisted.  "Specially if Mommy is not stressed out."

 

"You just want her to not be stressed out cause that means we're being good, and if we're being good, that means more gold stars, and if you get more gold stars then we get to go to Disney!" Tony spewed out his rapid fire accusation with enthusiasm, his words jumbling together.  "Hells Bells I told ya, I'll take us to Disney gold stars or not!"

 

"No, I'm tellin' the truth!" Helen whined.  She glared at Tony and pointed a very bossy finger at him.  "Sit down and shut up and lissen at me cause I'm the boss at doctoring!"

 

"Sorry," Tony immediately did as he was told, sitting down on the bed and reaching for another quarter of the waffle and dipping it into butterscotch sauce before cramming it into his face. Through the waffle he tried to sound out "Continue", but it sounded more like "Commamahamahue."

 

"Like I was saying, as a medical expert, Mommy can have her egg watered better if she is happy all the time," Helen nodded.  "Cause Mommy used to tell me when we was grown up she didn't get her lady stuff if she was stressed, so from now on, we make everything easy for her."

 

"Okay," Bucky and Natasha said simultaneously.

 

They could do that.  They would LOVE doing that.  They loved Darcy so much that they couldn't imagine not trying to make everything happy and easy for her.  They were going to be SO GOOD at making things easy for her.

 

"Okay, good," Helen nodded.  "Step two, we gotsta steal Daddy's undies."

 

"Whaaaaaaat?" Tony nearly choked on his waffle.

 

"He used to wear tighty whities," Helen said knowledgeably.  She didn't know how she knew that, but she did.  "And that can constrict the watering can."

 

"But he wears shorts now," Bucky announced.  "Ma got him ones with hearts on 'em and lips on ‘em and his shield on ‘em and he wears those."

 

"Still...just to be careful," Helen nodded.  "We steal his undies and steal all his tight jeans too so he can only wear the loose pants.  That way his test or calls can work real good and water Mommy's garden super fast!"

 

"Nats can do it," Natasha stood very quickly from her comfy cuddling position with Bucky.  She reached out and grabbed one of the fancy chocolate candies that had been on a plate and popped it into her mouth before evading Bucky's grasp and making a run for it.

 

"Uhm, Friday the Explorer?" Tony called out to the tablet.

 

"Hola, El Jefe!  It's a beautiful day outside today, are you ready for a great adventure?" Friday chirped through the tablet sitting next to Bucky.

 

"Yeah...can we get an adventure where we buy Dad more sweat pants?  He's gonna need 'em," Tony guessed.

 

* * *

 

"We shoulda sent 'em on a honeymoon," Bucky sighed as he and the other children piled into the back of a limo set to take them back to Stark Towers.  Darcy and Steve were still outside, going over the game plan of getting back to the Avenger's base with Agent Sanchez.  "Babies get made real easy on honeymoons.  That's what happens in the movies and stuff."

 

"We could still do that, what's a nice honeymoon...Vegas?" Tony wondered as he pulled out the tablet that Darcy had attempted to hide from them in her purse, only to have it lifted out unbeknownst to her by Natasha.

 

"NO!  THE AWFUL TOWER!" Nats argued instantly from her place in the front of the limo with Happy.

 

"Hawaii!" Helen clapped her hands together.  "Like Lilo and Stitch!"

 

"Pop don't like the ocean so much," Bucky reminded them.  "He did like the Eiffel Tower when we was in the war.  He wanted to protect it cause he said it was romantical."

 

"ooooooooohhhh!" Natasha cooed.

 

"And me and my old dead friends picked on him cause he didn't have a lady to get romantical with," Bucky admitted sheepishly.  "He'd love to take Ma to Paris I bet."

 

"Yeah, okay, Friday?  Let's play a game!" Tony said cheerily.

 

"But---would we go with?" Bucky wondered curiously.   "They need piracy to water Ma's garden and  _ oh hell sweetheart _ ."

 

"We can stay at home," Tony shrugged.

 

"But ma would be so worried about us," Bucky wagered.  "And she's not apposed to stress."

 

"That's true," Tony sighed.  "Okay, Friday, can we make a new building at the base with that cool virtual reality glasses thing I did when I was big?  Except they don't gotta wear glasses, we'll build it all into the walls.   And we'll make it like Paris!"

 

"Tony so smart!" Natasha popped into the limo from the front privacy window, a jaunty little cap completely covering her entire head.  "Nats told Happy we gotta go a places."

 

"Okay," Bucky shrugged easily enough as Helen and Tony nodded.  If Natasha wanted to go somewhere before they headed home, they weren't about to argue with her.

 

"Tony!" Darcy was immediately scolding as she got into the limo.  She looked at him suspiciously and then gestured to the tablet in his hands.  "How did you get that back?"

 

"Uhm...magic?" Tony scrunched his nose up like a cagey little monster.  

 

"Nats do it," Natasha smiled, clamoring towards her mother and hugging her knees.  "Hows you mommy?  feeling nice?"

 

"I'm feeling very nice, Nats," Darcy giggled.  "Thank you for letting Mommy and Daddy sleep in this morning."

 

"Oh yes, Nats a good girl," Natasha said adorably.  She turned to the door that Steve was cramming himself into, before he sat right next to Darcy, leaving little to no room for any airspace between them. "HI DADDY!"

 

"Hi Nats," Steve answered back with a grin. 

 

"Nats like your pants!" Natasha continued to drip sugar with every word as she moved from her mother's knees to Steve's, hugging him fiercely as the car began to move through the city fairly quickly.

 

"Thanks, baby," Steve chuckled, watching as Natasha rubbed her chubby cheek against the soft fleece of his new sweatpants. He pulled her up and cuddled her against his chest. "I don't know where all my other pants wound up---"

 

"Luggage mixup," Tony piped in.

 

"A leprauchan took 'em," Helen nodded.

 

"You lost 'em in the laundry," Bucky chimed in.

 

"Sure, guys, sure," Steve smirked.  He looked over each of his wards carefully.  They were up to something.  They were ALWAYS up to something.  But Steve didn't feel like interrogating them on this first lovely day of the rest of his life.  They were safe, and right in front of him, and Darcy was cuddled into his side.  

 

The last time they had plotted mischief, he'd come out of the deal with the girl of his dreams as his honest to God wife.  He didn't think it could get better than that, but he wasn't selling the kids short.  

 

"Your mother and I were talking, and we have a plan," Steve revealed.  He had all of their attention immediately and he gave a cheeky little pause as the kids hung on his every word.  Natasha went so far as to put her sticky hand on his chin and force his mouth open to spit it out, all the while whisper chanting ' _ baby, baby, baby _ '.  "We want to go on a family honeymoon."

 

"NO!" Helen wrinkled her nose and stood up from her seat, looking desperately between her parents.  "You need to go alone and be in a room together and honeymoon the crap outta each other!"

 

"Well, we were thinking instead of that, which sounds like a fun idea," Darcy said calmly, she shrugged a little and gave a little smile, "We were hoping to take you guys to Disney."

 

Helen shrieked in joy and then swayed on her feet.  Bucky and Tony were quick to guide her to the seat she had abandoned.  

 

"Uhm, Friday?" Tony looked to the tablet that Darcy had momentarily forgotten about thanks to Natasha's adorableness.  

 

"Hi, El Jefe!" Friday announced blithely.

 

"Cancel that trip to Disney, uhm---Mom and Dad have it handled apparently," Tony said sheepishly.

 

"Ugh, when we have a new kid from scratch, let's promise to make sure they aren't ridiculous super geniuses and insanely capable and mischievous adults stuck into tiny bodies," Darcy sighed at Steve as she cuddled into his side. 

 

"It's alright, sweetheart," Steve kissed her forehead.  "We'll be able to discipline any future super genius babies right from the start, we’re behind the eightball with these four."

 

"BABY!" Natasha squealed, dancing against Steve's hold on her.  

 

"Hey---where are we going?" Steve peered out of the darkened window.  "This isn't the way back to the tower."

 

"Nats gotta make a stop first," the baby announced calmly before climbing out of Steve's hold and heading towards the door.  The limo pulled to a stop in front of a school, where a bus was being emptied of kids who must have gone on an overnight field trip.

 

She was out of the car as Steve grabbed for her in vain, and Bucky sighed before following the baby quickly.  He didn't have to, because Natasha found her mark quickly, rushing between the legs of oblivious and sleepy teenagers.  

 

Peter Parker was having a bad day.  He'd had to turn down an invitation to what was probably the wedding of the decade, one that both he and MJ had been invited to because they had to do a stupid overnight trip for stupid senior year.  He'd been surprised that Tony's AI system had called him a week ago, inviting him and and MJ to the exciting and fun nuptials of Mamasita and Captain Dad.  

 

MJ had been absolutely pissed that she wouldn't be able to attend the wedding.  She'd said she had the most perfect dress for it.

 

Peter sighed.  He could just imagine how gorgeous she would have looked and how fun it would have been to dance the night away with her at a super hero wedding.  Instead, they'd been to the stinking Jersey Shore with the rest of their awful classmates, doing trust falls and team bonding exercises.  

 

And that morning he'd woken up in Hello Kitty pajama pants, with his duffle bag completely devoid of any clothing that he had packed.  

 

"Parker!" MJ called out from the opposite side of the crowd of hungover high school students.  "Over here!"

 

"Nuh uh," a little voice announced as Peter went to walk towards the sound of MJ's voice.  

 

He felt a tug, and a rip and then suddenly, the bright pink fleece pants emblazoned with Hello Kitty were gone, leaving him standing there in pikachu boxer shorts.  

 

"Jesus!" he yelped as he went to cover himself anxiously.  

 

"No one mess wif Nats brover," came the deadly serious declaration from below.  

 

Peter looked down to see a flash of red hair as a tiny two year old ran away with his pants.  Little baby Natasha Romanoff met up with Bucky near a limo, and the little guy gave her an indulgent smile as Natasha waved the pants in gleeful victory.

 

"Parker...dude, what happened to your pants?" MJ questioned.

 

"Tiny assassins bent on revenge on Tony Stark's behalf," Peter sighed.  

 

"Sure.  Seems legit. C'mon.  I got a bathrobe in my bag you can wear."

 

* * *

 

  
  


Hank Pym didn't scare easily.

 

He didn't.  He'd seen A LOT in his life.  

 

But when he walked into the lab observation room, expecting to find it empty, he was startled to see Vision, Wanda and Sam Wilson standing on the other side of the protective glass.

 

"Friday?" Sam asked to the ceiling.  "I'd like to obtain my reward for finishing that word puzzle, please?"

 

"Okiedokie CookieButt!" Friday announced cheerily.  The locks clicked on the door Hank had just walked through.  "Sorry, Hankster, unless you can finish the very complicated treasure hunt and word puzzle that Cookiebutt did, you're locked in here."

 

"What are you doing?" Hank demanded.

 

"Man, what are YOU doing?" Sam demanded right back.  "It's been over three months.  Ninety-four damned days while Iron Man, the Winter Soldier, the Black Widow and Doctor Helen mother fucking Cho have been shrunken into kids.  The main culprit was your technology, and you're telling me that you and all of your brilliant cohorts couldn't find answers in ninety-four days?  Not even one?"

 

"We're close," Hank ran a trembling hand over a suddenly weary face.

 

"Really close," Wanda muttered.

 

"Look, you don't know what you're doing here," Hank shook his head as both Vision and Wanda began turning on various machinery.  

 

"Oh no, I know exactly what I'm doing," Sam shook his head.  "See, I've had a restless night, I came here right after the wedding, and I had some questions for your team of brilliant scientists and they had a lot of really illuminating answers."

 

Hank sighed, sitting down at his usual spot in the observation room.  He couldn't speak, he could only manage a shrug.

 

"When were you going to let everyone know that you've intentionally been keeping how to recreate the de-aging process?" Sam asked, his voice flat and angry sounding, his facial expression made of stone.  

 

"Never," Pym answered honestly.

 

"When were you going to move the process forward with Vision's ideas on how to reverse it?" Sam demanded.

 

"Never," Pym repeated.

 

"How dare you?" Wanda ground out angrily, looking nearly as angry as Sam.  "There are four lives at stake here."

 

"Lives at stake?" Pym shook his head in amused disbelief.  "You think giving those kids a second childhood...a happy childhood is lives at stake?"

 

"Helen had a happy childhood," Sam shook his head.

 

"Yeah, and I'm sorry about Helen, I am," Pym admitted.  "But the other three would fare better at having Captain Rogers and Miss Lewis raise them."

 

"That's not for you to decide," Vision said calmly.  

 

"Why did you do it?" Sam wondered.  "What's in it for you?"

 

"What's in it for me?" Hank asked incredulously.  "I have had the burden of knowledge my entire adult life.  I have seen people DIE and KILL to obtain that knowledge.  What do you think would happen if anyone outside of this room knew that we could de-age a person to childhood...to infancy if we wanted?"

 

There was silence.  

 

"There are times, when the greater good has to be considered," Pym sighed, looking much more tired than he ought to, much older than he had been when he woke up that morning.  "In the hands of the wrong person, what would happen to the entire Earth's population if they could age them a hundred years in the span of ten seconds?  Forget nuclear weapons, this is a weapon of mass destruction and I will not allow it to be developed."

  
  


"Then we protect it!" Wanda shouted.  "That's our job, we are the Avengers, we would protect it from evil, we would continue to protect humanity."

 

"Tell me, how did that work out for the cube, or the scepter?" Hank barked back at her.  He pointed at the stone on Vision's head.  "You're telling me that you would destroy him in order to protect the world if you had to?"

 

The trio in the ongoing science experiment was silent.  

 

"This isn't your burden, you don't have to protect the world from this," Sam finally said softly.  "Once you figure out how to reverse this for us, which I know you're close to doing, I know you are, and soon Steve and Darcy will know too.  Well, after everyone is back to normal, we'll destroy it.  We'll destroy the tech, we'll destroy the records, no one has to know."

 

"You're a fool," Pym accused.  

 

"Yeah, I am," Sam agreed.  "You needed a human test run.  Here I am.  Viz?"

 

"Ten seconds, Wilson," Vision helped Wanda into the protective gear before putting his hand on a flat panel screen and nodding, counting it down.  

 

"Nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...three...two...one..."

 

A flash of bright light illuminated the room and Vision felt a pull on the stone.  He winced against it, feeling a weight against him that he struggled to balance.  When he opened his eyes again, he heard Wanda's shocked gasp.

 

" _ Wilson _ ..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gasp! Cliffhanger! And PLOT progression. And poor Peter Parker. He will always regret the day he assaulted Tiny Tony.


	23. Bad Brothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit here that had me giggling very proudly. Very proudly indeed. I hope you enjoy it!

**Chapter Twenty Three: Bad Brothers**

 

* * *

 

 

"Tony, NO!"

 

"Tony, YES!" Tony cackled as he ran around the quinjet that was transporting Darcy, Steve and the little monsters back to the home base.  

 

Agent Sanchez was piloting, and truth be told, he was going a little faster than he normally would.  He had the patience of a saint as far as the kids went, but Tony was a little drunk with tiny person power, and every time Steve would gently lecture him, Tony would be calm for about ninety seconds before trying to run up the walls (or use Friday to take control of the quinjet)one more time.

 

Helen had tried to get him to see reason, even though she no longer had to earn gold stars to get to Disney.  But Tony persisted in performing an ' _ operation _ ' on her new stuffed animal, Madame Toucan Birdie (she was going to fit in so well with her overly crowded shelf of other avian inspired stuffed animals).  Well, Madam Toucan Birdie would fit in, if Tony stopped trying to add motors and gears and the ability for the stuffed toy to make its own simple decisions.

 

"I don't want Madam Toucan Birdie to be able to pick what she wants to do, what if she picks hurting the rest of Wingtown?!?" Helen cried out as Tony looked over the bits and bobs of machinery he wanted to stuff into the toy.

 

"Tony, we just had a discussion three minutes ago," Steve sighed as he bent down and picked Tony up, carefully taking Madam Toucan Birdie from the boy's grasp and handing him to Bucky who inspected the miniscule damage carefully before handing him over to Helen.  

 

Steve placed Tony back on one of the booster seats that the security team had installed in the quinjet that morning and carefully strapped him in.  He remained kneeling in front of him and looked up at those big brown eyes that were filled to the brim with excess energy and mischief.  Steve had wondered what had changed for Tony in the last few weeks.  He had been less inclined to tinker and get into trouble, and now Steve knew that it was because he had been plotting the big project of getting Darcy and Steve properly married.

 

(Really, truly, absolutely married, forever and ever, Steve would often repeat in his head before going hot all over at the very idea of it).

 

And now that Tony didn't have a big, all encompassing project, all of his energy was going to be radiating outwards from his hyperactive little body, spewing all over the place.  

 

"OH NO'S!" Helen wailed.  "I gotsa do surgery on Madam Toucan Birdie, she's got lasso rations!"

 

"Pop, help, we need Helen's doctoring kit!" Bucky yelled out.

 

"Oh no, Oh no, Oh no!" Natasha fretted as well, her mood always declining quickly when Bucky seemed agitated.  

 

"Go help, I have this," Darcy patted Steve's shoulder before she knelt in front of Tony.  She smiled as Steve left a lingering kiss on her temple and then aimed a very potent look at Tony.  It was a look she had given the mad scientist when he was well into his forties.  

 

It was filled with absolute disappointment and something akin to betrayal.  Tony remembered clearly that she had given him that look before, only far more potent, right after she had realized JARVIS was gone forever and replaced with Vision.  Tony wiggled in his booster seat and kicked his legs very minutely as he realized just how far he had pushed his parents in the last forty-five minutes.

 

"Tony, honey," Darcy said calmly.

 

"M'sorry," he pouted miserably, already more than halfway to full blown crying.

 

"I NEED TWENTY CD'S OF A DRAGON INN STAT!" Helen shouted out from her makeshift ER on the other side of the quinjet.

 

"What are you sorry for?" Darcy prodded gently.

 

"I gots too much energy and shouldn't 've stolen Madam Toucan Birdie and cut her open to make her more awesomer," Tony pouted.

 

"DARN IT ALL! BUCKY HOLD HER DOWN!" Helen yelled.  "DADDY! WHERE IS MY A NEST TEST TICKLIN?!?"

 

"You can be sorry all you want," Darcy nodded.  "But wouldn't it be so much better if you didn't do the bad thing in the first place, so you didn't have to feel bad about it later and be sorry for it?"

 

"Yeah, I think so," Tony nodded, one tear slipping from his eye and running down his cheek.

 

"LIVE GOSH DARN IT LIVE!" Steve called out dramatically.  "YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR MADAM TOUCAN BIRDIE!"

 

"THINK OF ALL THE CUDDLES!" Bucky added his own theatrics.

 

"THE CANDY!" Natasha screeched.  "LIVE FOR CANDY!"

  
  


Tony looked a little more miserable at the fact that Steve was having so much fun with the other kids as they tried to save Madam Toucan Birdie.  Darcy gave him a pitiable look, and she reached for his hands and squeezed them tenderly.  

 

"You know if you go over there, it'll just rile Helen up more.  You can't play Doc Mc-sort of real-Stuffins with them, not today," Darcy warned.

 

"I know," Tony pouted.  

 

"YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS ONE LORD!" Helen shouted.  

 

"Tony, I think we need to find you a fun project to work on, that doesn't involve cutting holes into Helen's toys," Darcy admitted.  

 

"Nats wants a baby brother," Tony said hopefully.  "And me too, kind of.  I mean...it'd be fun to teach it fun stuff."

 

"Well, Dad and I have talked about it, actually," Darcy admitted.  "And we're not really in a good place to add to the family, especially since we're just getting the hang of being parents."

 

"But you're the best parents!" Tony scoffed.  "The bestest in the world!"

 

"Thanks, honey," Darcy squeezed his hands again.  "But still, until you're all---a little older, we think we'd like to just keep the family the size it is now."

  
  


"She'll make it!" Helen announced triumphantly.  "I ROCK!"

 

"YEAH!" Natasha shouted with glee.  "BEST DOCTOR EVVEEEEEEEER!"

 

"Can I go 'pologize to Hells Bells now?" Tony wondered hopefully.

 

"Landing," Agent Sanchez announced helpfully.  "Please evacuate the ER and return to your seats."

 

Helen ran over to Tony, holding Madam Toucan Birdie above her head victoriously.  It was covered in colorful band aids featuring cartoon versions of the Avengers.  Helen danced the bird in front of Tony and aimed a very stern look at her adopted sibling.

 

"You didn't win this time, evil Robot man!" Helen scolded.  "My doctoring is way betterer than your evil plans."

 

"I don't wanna be the bad guy, though!" Tony fretted as Darcy moved away from him to safely strap Natasha in, then work on checking Bucky's fine work of getting all his buckles done properly.  Steve was working on Helen, who was keen on taunting Tony as much as she could with her recovered toy.  "I'm a hero in real grownup life, I'm not a bad guy!"

  
  


"BAD TONY! BAD!" Natasha sing songed playfully, and Helen quickly picked it up until both girls were endlessly chanting "BAD TONY BAD TONY BAD TONY!"

 

Bucky remained silent, but contrite as Tony stewed in his anxious feelings at being proclaimed bad.  When Tony began to tear up again, Bucky could stay silent no longer.  He reached for Natasha's hand and squeezed before saying louder than he had said anything since being turned into a child,

 

"STOP NOW, PLEASE!  TONY ISN'T BAD!"

 

The girls immediately shut their mouths, both eyes going wide and cautious.  Bucky never got upset, really.  He was almost zenlike in his calmness whenever Darcy was around. Sure, he tested the waters with how much he could get away with when it was just Steve, but he never seemed to get upset or naughty when his beloved Ma was around.  And he certainly never raised his voice at Natasha or Helen.

 

"Tony isn't bad," Bucky repeated in a softer voice.  He gave Tony a sad smile and shrugged.  "I'm way worser than Tony ever was. Don't call him bad, he's just---he's not bad like me."

 

"OH NO!" Natasha shook her head violently, red curls swishing around her face.  She popped out of her seat restraints with no effort whatsoever and crawled into Bucky's lap.  She began petting at his cheek and whispered a string of clumsy Russian words into his ear.  

 

Steve and Darcy were tense in their seats as Natasha fiercely clung to Bucky, his own little arms wrapping around her tightly and securely holding her as the quinjet made a quick landing.  Helen looked suddenly distraught and Tony was wiping away the stubborn tears that continued to fall.

 

"How about this?" Steve put out there hopefully.  "No one here is naughty or bad for anything they did before.  Sometimes, we get into a little mischief, and if it ever hurts someone's feelings, we'll do what we can to make it right."

 

"Clean slate?" Darcy offered.  

 

"I like clean slates," Helen nodded eagerly.  Helen liked clean everything.

 

"I'm sorry I cut into Madam Toucan Birdie," Tony said solemnly.  "I was only tryna make her more interesting for you."

 

"That's okay, next time ask purse mission," Helen advised him sternly.  "It was fun to save her life though. So that part I didn't mind so much."

  
  


"And Bucky, you're not---you're not bad," Tony said softly.  "It ain't your fault what happened.  I know that now.  And you're not mean or terrible, you're nice and always give me the best chicken nuggets at lunch time."

 

"You like the dinosaurs," Bucky shrugged slightly.  

 

"It's still nice of you," Tony nodded.  "You're a good brother."

 

Steve drew in a slow and steady breath at Tony's words and Darcy put her hand on his stomach, patting him gently as he tried to get his emotions under control.  Bucky and Tony had been coexisting peacefully for over three months now, but it was always due to the fact that they swept the big hurts under the rug and focused more on having fun day in and day out.  

 

The child therapist that had observed the children one day had warned that it wouldn't always be that way, and that eventually there would be another confrontation.  Thankfully, she had also said it had a fifty-fifty chance of going well or going badly.  

 

"You're a good brother too, Tony," Bucky nodded and gave him a soft smile.  "I'm still sorry for being bad before."

 

"I forgive you," Tony said slowly and deliberately.  "And now we should both try to do nice things to make it right."

 

"Okay!" Bucky was eager at that.  He looked to Steve and Darcy hopefully and asked, "Can we?"

 

"Uhm...what did you have in mind, Tony?" Darcy asked shrewdly.

 

"I haven't thought about it much," Tony admitted.  "But I think that since you said I need a new project, maybe I can build bots that take out bad Hydra guys and stuff.  Like a video game, but for real."

 

Darcy pursed her lips in thought and tilted her head to the right in consideration.  Steve put a hand on top of hers as she drummed her fingers against his abs.  He patted it twice, a secret code they'd worked out about a month ago and had come in handy many times.  

 

"That sounds good, Tony," Darcy nodded.

 

"Nats can help!" Natasha announced.  "Nats got ideas for helpin'!"

 

"I bet you do," Steve chuckled.

 

"I can help too!" Helen chirped in.  

 

Agent Sanchez moved from the cockpit and began helping unclick Helen's straps as Darcy and Steve went to work on Bucky and Tony.  Tony and Nats began to excitedly chat about drone patterns while Bucky asked Helen something about knockout gas for bad dudes.  

 

"What have we done?" Darcy whispered to Steve.

 

"I'm not really sure," Steve blinked, wondering how this had been the end result of Tony cutting into a stuffed animal.

 

"Given them permission to become mini-Avengers," Sanchez answered.  "Congrats, Hill is going to be super excited about it.  So really, that whole waiting for starting a new baby might not work out for you with both Natasha and Maria Hill trying to make it happen."

 

"Crap," Darcy wrinkled her nose, knowing that Sanchez was being kind in his assessment.  Maria Hill was going to set up a drone attack on her and Steve's contraceptives.  

  
  


"Hola Papi and Mamacita!" Friday announced over the quinjet's speakers with her usual pep and verve and awful Spanish pronunciation.

 

"Hola Friday," Steve and Darcy answered together, the same wary trepidation in their voices.

 

"Your presence is requested back at your quarters. Muy Rapido, rapido!"

 

* * *

 

 

Hank Pym was standing outside of their quarters, his arms crossed over his chest, a sour look on his face as Darcy, Steve and the children made their  _ muy rapido _ approach.  Panic seized low in Steve's gut as he realized that this was it.  This was where Hank would announce that his kids were no longer going to be his kids anymore.  He felt it like a punch knocking the wind out of him.  He and Darcy had spent over two hours that morning in bed, the first morning of their married life together, basking in the afterglow of some highly enjoyable morning marital relations and calmly discussing the next five to ten years of their life.

 

They'd made the plans based on the fact that their kids would remain kids and not be turned back into their adult friends.  They'd freely admitted it had been selfish of themselves to do so.   Steve especially had been quietly ashamed of stealing Sam's own happiness away to add to his own.  But it had felt so good to plan when Helen could conceivably go back to violin lessons that she had done once before in her childhood, or when Bucky might like to try out soccer, since it was the only sport where he didn't have the use and advantage of the bionic arm so much, or when Tony could start school and how were they going to keep him engaged enough not to try and start a revolution amongst the first graders, and wouldn't Natasha be old enough in a few months to go to beginner's creative movement classes as a precursor to ballet.

 

They'd planned that after eighteen months or so, when Natasha was solidly three and hopefully less likely to need diapers, they'd begin trying to start a new addition to the family and make Natasha's dreams come true with a younger sibling.  

 

All the planning had been indulgent castle building in the clouds, and while it had been a satisfying idea to plan happiness and joy for the innocent children they had adopted, Steve knew that it wasn't likely to last.  Of course the brilliant people in his life would come up with a solution, giving the world back the grown up Avengers and defenders of the Earth.  

 

He felt Darcy's hand squeeze his and he looked down at her, seeing the same kind of muted devastation in her gaze that he felt in the pit of his stomach.  Then she gave him the slightest hint of a smile and very quickly, all of that despair and anticipation of sadness floated away.  

 

Yes, the kids would have to grow up, and soon.  Yes, they both knew this.  

 

And he saw a determination flaring up in her gaze, that blue green graze that he felt was so familiar to him and yet still ever changing and fascinating for him to stare at for hours if she'd let him.  

 

Yes, the kids would go back to normal.  

 

And Darcy's determination filtered to Steve and they resolved that it didn't matter what age the shrunken quartet was, they were their kids.  They were a family now.  It didn't matter when Tony would be flirting with the edge of his half century mark, he would still be the little man that always needed to be gently calmed down when he got a little too overstimulated inside of his own head.  Whether Helen was engaged to Sam or not, she'd still be Steve's little lady who needed to have every meal prepared a little different than the rest of the kids and who had no worries about propriety and compunction when it came to giving out orders.  Nats might grow back into her dangerous and deadly grownup self, but she'd still be the dangerous and deadly toddler who squirmed and squealed over cute things and loved with her whole heart unabashedly.

 

And Bucky, even when he was a six foot tall super soldier, he would always be Darcy's little man, and she'd be sure to save all of her best kisses for every square inch of his face.  

 

It'd be fine.  Darcy and Steve had gotten this far by rolling with the punches.  They'd keep on doing it, too.

 

"Congrats," Hank scowled at them, pushing the front door open to Steve's quarters.  "It's a boy."

 

Steve and Darcy blinked at the person sitting between a fretting Wanda and a visibly concerned Vision.  The young man was about thirteen years old, gangly and tall and pimply faced, his black hair expertly shaped into a high top cut reminiscent of that show Darcy liked to watch before the news with Sinbad and all of the young kids at college in the early nineties.

 

"Cookiebutt?" Helen whispered, in absolute awe at the squirming teenage boy who was scowling at everything he possibly could.

 

"Don't call me th---that," Sam wrinkled his nose at the sound of his voice breaking.  

  
  
  


"HOLY BOLOGNA! YOU'RE SO CUTE!" Helen squealed and dropped Natasha and Tony's hand as she ran towards the couch.  "HI BOYFRIEND! HI! HI!"

 

"Get her away from me!" Sam squawked out, his voice containing more cracks than a shattered mirror.  Helen rushed toward him with her arms wide open and Sam stood on top of the couch, as if he were afraid of the little four year old girl who had her eyes closed and her lips pursed and her arms held up in anticipation for a big hug.  He placed an awkwardly large hand on her forehead, effectively holding her at arm’s length as she struggled to snatch him with her hands.

  
  


"Be nice!" Wanda scolded the teenager.  "She only wants to hug you."

 

"And kiss you and sqqqqqqquuuueeeeeze you," Helen cooed rapturously, thinking this game of keep away was just that, a fun game.

  
  


"GROSS!" Sam shouted angrily, the ever present crack in his voice managing to sound twice in just a one syllable word.  He pushed against Helen's head a little harder than he had anticipated, and the little girl made a noise of distress as she started to fall backwards towards the coffee table that Natasha had constantly stripped of its safety edges, scoffing at the idea that she would need such courtesies.  

 

"HEY!" Bucky and Tony yelled at the same time, jumping forward, but were eclipsed by Natasha, who rushed to Helen and made sure she remained upright and not hurt by the sharp corner of the coffee table.  

  
  


Bucky was on Sam a millisecond later as Tony yelled up at the ceiling,

 

"FRIDAY! SUIT ME POR FAVORS!"

 

"Wait, wait," Wanda's eyes widened as the six year old Bucky Barnes went full Winter Soldier, launching off the ground and going up five feet in the air, wrapping his arms around Sam's midsection, and taking him over the back of the couch, straight through Vision and onto the floor.

 

"James Buchanan Barnes!" Darcy shouted, right before Bucky's metal fist met Sam's pimply face.  "You get off of Sam right now."

 

"Haha, small fry," Sam taunted obnoxiously as Bucky complied with his mother's wishes quickly, while still glaring down at the gangly teenager.

 

"SAMUEL THOMAS WILSON!" Steve barked out, causing Sam to jump to his feet and go ramrod straight, one salute away from being at attention.  Steve had cheated a bit there.  Sam had been raised by his mother, who had been a Captain in the army herself. He respected that stern order in a person’s voice.

 

Bucky walked over to where Natasha was fussing over a sniffling and confused Helen and Tony was currently holding his arms up high as he waited for the prototype tiny suit he had built to get to him.  One gauntlet finally made its way up from the debris on Tony's little work desk and went on his hand.  He held it up and pointed it at Sam's kneecap with a stern little frown on his face.

 

"What happened?" Steve demanded of Pym, Vision and Wanda. 

 

"These idiots did an experiment," Hank glared at Vision, Wanda and Sam.  "Didn't work out the way they planned it."

 

"I beg to differ, I attempted to recreate the original phenomena," Vision argued in that way that was incessantly calm and annoying.  "I did recreate it."

 

"But you only meant to de-age him by five years," Hank shrugged.  "How'd that work out for you?"

 

"He'll figure it out, at least he tried!" Wanda argued.

 

"And meanwhile, thanks to young Sam's impatience, you are down another Avenger," Hank nodded, feeling validated by his earlier stubborn insistence to not perform the experiments.

 

"We'll be able to try to reverse it now," Vision insisted.

 

"Great, and when you accidentally go twenty years up instead of down, then you'll have senior citizen Avengers in no time," Hank nodded.  He smirked, "Well at least they'll all be able to get the discounts at the restaurants then."

 

"Pym, helping or hurting?" Steve demanded.  "Vision, Wanda, get over whatever your current problem is and go back to work."

 

"But he's being an assbutt!" Sam called out dramatically.

 

"OY!" Helen put her hands over her ears.  "Cookiebutt we worked on this!"

 

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Sam yelled.

 

Natasha turned Helen to Bucky as the little girl burst into tears.  She took two steps forward and looked up at Sam, her beautiful, chubby little face absolutely devoid of any emotion.  Sam had the good grace to gulp in fear.

 

"Bad Birdy," Natasha whispered, her only warning before flying at him, tiny fists flying and knocking him straight in the groin in a one two punch.

 

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!" Tony called out, his voice infinitely deeper than Sam's high pitched squeal of pain.  "That's what you get for messing with my sister, JERKWAD!"

  
  


"Shut up pipsqueak!" Sam squeaked himself.  "Little bast---"

 

"Think about what you're gonna say pizza face," Bucky grumbled.

 

Darcy took a deep breath and turned to Steve, her eyes wide with shock as the tiny children continued to bicker with the teenager.

 

"You ready for this next adventure, sweetheart?" Steve questioned, the hint of laughter in his eyes as Helen recovered from her initial hurt at rejection and began to scream that Sam was a ' _ burnt cookiebutt _ '.  

 

Darcy laughed and shrugged, ducking under Steve's shoulder and putting her head against his body.

  
"Bring it on.  I think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading! Happy Monday!


	24. Five Hugs a Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in spurts yesterday while also writing a paper for the end of my semester. Let's hope that I didn't put anything in here about "Native Son" and let's hope that I didn't put anything about cookiebutt in my paper.

 

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Five Hugs a Day**

* * *

  


Nothing much derailed Helen Cho's plans.  As an adult or a child, she was a stickler for them.  If Darcy's weakness was frothy blended coffee beverages, and Jane's weakness was the stars, then it could definitely be said that Helen's weakness was certainly plans.  There was nothing she loved more than to take a little steno pad full of paper (scoffing in Tony's general direction about a paperless environment) and filling it full of plans.

 

And then viciously and victoriously crossing out each and every step of the plan that she brutally accomplished.

 

She'd made her first to-do list when she had been four years old the first time around.

 

 **Step 1.**  Never let the rice go from the rice bowl onto the plate where the fish lived.

 

 **Step 2.**  Grow up awesome.

 

 **Step 3.**  Figure out a way to grow her beloved grandfather a new liver, since the one he had was giving him some trouble.

 

 **Step 4.**  Find a beautiful man to entertain her.

 

Helen Cho, aged thirty-three, had checked off every single one of her items on her first plan of attack.  And she'd crossed off hundreds of items on hundreds of to-do lists  since then.

 

Nowadays, her daily lists were wildly different from the ones she had created during her first childhood.  For one, they were drawings and not words.  Her little notepad looked like the hieroglyphics of a very busy child.  And the actual contents of the list had changed too.

 

 **Step 1.**  Perform morning routine:  bathroom, hand washing, mouthwash, five jumping jacks, ten sun salutations, hand washing, brushing her teeth, hand washing, then high-fiving each of her siblings

 

 **Step 2.**  Arrange her twenty-odd stuffed animals so that they are completely perfect and comfortable.

 

 **Step 3.**  Help Natasha brush her teeth.  Help Bucky make the bed.  Help Tony dry the breakfast dishes.  

 

 **Step 4.** Have loads and loads of fun with her family.  (Fun should include cuddles, joking, dancing, laughing, and going on fun adventures together)

 

 **Step 5.**  Earn at least five gold stars for good behavior by lunchtime.

 

 **Step 6.**  See her handsome cookiebutted boyfriend at least three times every single day.  Get at least five hugs from the handsome cookiebutted boyfriend.

 

And on special days, where they had other things planned, she'd add more steps.  Like on the day they got their parents married (two days ago), she'd added that as Step 9 and happily crossed it off after all was said and done.  

 

She hadn't crossed off Step 6 since the day of the wedding.  Because the day after the wedding, her lovely, grownup cookiebutt boyfriend had turned into a thirteen year old burnt cookiebutt boyenemy.  She'd tried to hug him just the once, and he'd squeaked like an annoying mouse and pushed her.  

 

And today was a very important day.  She wishes she could cross off Step 6, because it's been bothering her not having it crossed off the day before.  She had other steps to add, and having a step not crossed off would just be plain annoying.

 

So Helen conspired with her beloved siblings, and it didn't matter how burnt new, younger cookiebutt boyfriend was, he was going to get his five hugs come heck or high water.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam blinked his eyes open at the knock on his front door.  He was on a small, twin bed, shoved into the limited open space of Steve's office in the living quarters.  His long legs were dangling over the edge of the bed, just about five inches too long to fit comfortably under the blankets.  He heaved out a sigh of annoyance as the knock happened again.

 

"Sammy?" Darcy's voice echoed from the other side of the door.  "It's nine in the morning.  Rise and shine, sleepyhead."

 

"UGgggghhhhh," Sam answered back before taking his pillow and putting it over his face.

 

"Sammy, you're going to miss breakfast if you don't get up soon," Darcy warned with the same sweetness she used on the little kids.  "And we have a few things to do today so I'm going to need you to wake up and grab a shower, please."

  


"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Sam yelled from the muffled space under his pillow.

 

"Sam, I know this is hard," Darcy continued to say from the door, her voice going even softer.  She cracked the door open and barely looked into the room at the lump of blankets and pillows on the twin bed.  "Would it help if we had some quiet time alone to talk about it?  I can have Steve take the babies to---"

 

"LEAVE!" a pillow flew through the air and slammed against the open door, slamming it in Darcy's face.

 

"ME!" a shoe that had been taken off last night that was sitting next to the bed and within easy reach was angrily tossed and slammed against the door, causing Darcy to jump on the other side.

 

"ALONE!" Sam shouted, throwing the second shoe, then collapsing back on the bed.  

 

It was quiet for all of fifteen seconds, and Sam hoped that Darcy had given up.  He guessed that she meant well.  She only wanted to make sure he got to the doctor today in time to get looked over.  

 

But he didn't need to be treated like a baby.  She had four other kids who could be treated like babies now.  He was PRACTICALLY a grown ass man.  If his voice would only stop doing that thing it was doing where it couldn't really make up its mind on whether it wanted to be a bass or a soprano.

  


He wrinkled his nose in the bed, immediately feeling bad about throwing that stuff at the door.  What if her fingers had been in the crack and she'd gotten hurt?  What if the door had slammed into her nose?  What if her feelings had been hurt at his tone.  Sam squirmed in the bed at his sudden contrition.

 

His mother had always said he was a special sort of boy growing up.  When he had been very young, she'd constantly been on the lookout in his various rooms growing up as a military brat.  He'd collected VERMIN.  Living, breathing, squirrels, chipmunks, pigeons and once, even a skunk.  He'd declared them his pets and said that all living things deserved love and care, no matter how unremarkable they may be.  

 

He'd been a sensitive soul at the age of four.  But once puberty hit, he suddenly had all the aggression he'd been previously missing and he'd lash out with angry words and tantrums and tossing things.  But the sensitive soul was still there, so he'd be immediately sorry about his temper flares.  But that didn't stop his disciplinarian mother from doling out the punishments.

 

Many a temper tantrum had led to Sammy scrubbing bathroom tile with his toothbrush.  

 

But his mother wasn't here now to hand out the punishment, and Sam felt TERRIBLE for hurting Darcy's feelings.  He was just about to get up and run to the door to apologize when the door was slammed open, an absolutely livid Captain America on the other side.

 

Sam sat up in bed, immediately at attention as he looked at Steve with sudden trepidation.  

 

"What exactly do you think you're doing Samuel Thomas Wilson?" Steve demanded, his voice a quiet, but still powerful thing.  "If I ever catch you slamming the door in Darcy's face again, you and I are going to have big problems."

 

"Yes, sir," Sam gulped.

 

"She was only trying to make sure you got breakfast and a shower before you had to go to the infirmary," Steve continued.  "Or would you like to go out and greet the day with an empty stomach and a stink cloud following after you?"

 

"No, sir," Sam shook his head.

 

"Now, my sweet wife is in the kitchen, trying not to cry into her coffee because of YOUR actions," Steve said with that special sort of calmness that meant he was piping hot mad.  "What are you going to do about that?"

 

"I'm going to go apologize, sir," Sam said quickly.  

 

"And he's gonna hug Helen," a small whisper came from Steve's feet.

 

"And you're going to hug Helen," Steve nodded.

 

"Wait---what?" Sam blinked, but it was too late.  A tiny little blur with black hair ran towards the bed and threw herself at him and if he didn't hold open his arms and accept the not quite affectionate, fierce hug, then little Helen would have definitely fallen to the ground and Sam would have felt even worse and Steve would have had to not quite yell at him some more.

 

"One down.  Four to go," Helen nodded as she gave Sam the stink eye and then walked away calmly.  She paused at the door and looked back at her burnt cookiebutt and said, "And you are sooooooooooooooooooo lucky that Nats and Bucky are at the gym with Hawk guy and his kids right now, cause if not you'd be in SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many troubles for being mean to Mommy!"

 

Steve smirked as Helen stomped out the door and he shrugged at Sam, "She's not wrong. C'mon kid, up and at them.  We have a busy day, and since you decided to volunteer for this shrinking business, I don't want to hear one complaint.  You get me?"

 

"Yes, sir."

 

* * *

 

 

"Ha! You're only in the ninety-third person tiles for height and weight," Tony mocked Sam as they all stood in the large examination room of the infirmary.  None of the other kids had needed to be checked out necessarily, but Helen enjoyed taking everyone's height and weight at least bi-weekly, so her siblings were more than happy to be her test subjects on the easy stuff.

 

"That's like---super good," Sam glared down at Tony in annoyance.

 

"Nuh uh," Tony disputed obnoxiously.  "My brother Bucky is in the 113th percentile for height and weight.  That's like an _A_ plus plus plus!"

 

"Yeah, and he's also a super soldier!" Sam huffed out in annoyance.

 

"Yeah, you're just a STINKY soldier," Tony teased.

 

"Stinky stinky stinky!" Natasha chorused as Helen tested her reflexes, which were and always had been absolutely perfect.  "Stinky Sammy Stinky!"

 

Bucky, to his credit, didn't contribute insults, but he didn't stop Natasha or Tony from insulting all the same.  Sam suspected that somehow the little metal armed six year old KNEW that Sam had been disrespectful to Darcy that morning.  The thirteen year old was counting his lucky stars that Bucky hadn't tried to assassinate him at that point.  

 

"You should eat more begetables," Helen advised Natasha hopefully, only to receive a raspberry from the little girl in response.  Helen shrugged.  "Worth a shot."

  


"Do you gots record man day shuns for me?" Tony wondered.

 

"Stop drawing moustaches and goat's on your face with Mommy's eyeliner," Helen nodded, causing Sam to break out into hysterical, snorting laughter.  "You're wasting her good eyeliner and you're gonna give yourself  a rash."

 

Helen turned to Bucky and grinned at him, "You're perfect, don't change anything."

 

"Thanks Hells," Bucky preened.

 

Sam's laughter stopped and he scowled down at Bucky, who took the lollipop that Helen had given him and thanked her with a hug before unwrapping the lollipop and handing it off to the grabby hands of Natasha.  Sure, Helen was a baby right now, but when they got all growed up again, Helen would be _Sam’s_ girlfriend, and maybe even possibly, his bride to be.  Maybe.  So this hugging Bucky Barnes thing was going to have be nipped in the bud, because Sam didn't want a grownup Bucky Barnes macking on his chick.

 

"You need to spend less time in the oven, your cookiebutt is burnt," Helen pointed at a scowly faced Sam.  She looked down at her little chart that she kept track of her siblings vitals on and nodded.  "And you need ONE more thing."

 

"Am I sick?" Sam blinked down at her.  The grownup doctors had already had a look at him and declared him to be a perfectly healthy, absolutely fully functioning thirteen year old.  Surely they would have told him if he were sick or not.

 

"Yes, you have meanface grinch-itis," Helen nodded.  "The only cure is more hugs."

 

"No!" Sam was ready to run immediately, but hadn't taken into account that Natasha had somehow managed to HOGTIE him around the knees.  The little red head gave him a decidedly manic look of joy and yanked on the rope.  He hit the ground and Helen jumped on him, hugging him despite his squirming to get away.

  


"Stop fighting it!" Helen ordered as she sat on his behind and leaned forward, squeezing her arms around his shoulders and laying her face on his wiggling back.  "You gotta learn to take your medicine if you wanna grow up big and strong like Bucky!"

 

"What in the world?" Darcy demanded from the door.  She and Steve had given the kids their privacy during Helen's private examinations, as per usual.  But a body hitting the floor wasn't normal for Helen's doctor playtime (it was a lot more usual for Natasha's spy games playtime).  

 

"That's TWO!" Helen shouted.  Her arms moved up to Sam's neck and she squeezed with all she was worth, causing the teenager to choke.   "JUST TAKE IT, BURNING COOKIEBUTT!  TAKE YOUR MEDICINE!  THAT'S THREE!"

 

**

 

Step Seven on Helen's day was surprising Mommy and Daddy.  Sure, they'd already surprised Steve and Darcy with a not-so-pretend wedding, but surprises were fun, and in Helen's opinion, there could never be enough surprises.  Especially because her Daddy's face got all stupid and cute when they managed to surprise them.  

 

First part of Step Seven was a costume change though.  Because as nice as her outfit that Mommy had helped her pick out for the day was (Comfy black leggings and a big soft pink sweater), something fancier was needed for what step seven needed.

 

"Why do I have to change?" Sam demanded as Agent Sanchez tried to hand him a garment bag.  

 

"Cause you're littler than you was before, and you live with us now, so tech knack lee, you're part of the family," Tony reminded him.  He wrinkled his nose at him and said, "You're the really mean in-law that no one actually likes, in case you were wondering."

 

"Screw you, Stark!" Sam's anger would have been more effective if his voice hadn't of done that weird octave shift thing that it did right in the middle of the word 'you', but it still hit the mark pretty well, because Helen gasped and held her hands over her face, Tony looked like he had eaten something bitter and Natasha and Bucky were both glaring at him.  Sam wrinkled his nose and fought back his natural inclination to apologize for being rude and instead pointed at all the kids with the garment bag.  "Screw ALL of you!"

 

"HEY!" Bucky glared up at the teenager.  "You better show some respect, Wilson.  I'm at the end of my string for patience with you!"

 

"Screw you TWICE, Barnes!" Sam shouted.

 

"SAMUEL THOMAS WILSON!" Steve called out from the bedroom he shared with Darcy.  He opened the door to reveal that he was about three-quarters of the way dressed with what the children had handed to him after lunch.  The slacks looked old fashioned and were appropriately loose around the groin area (Helen had been insistent that Steve's test or calls have plenty of room to breathe).  The white dress shirt was immaculate, but the vest Steve held in his hands was absolutely laughable.

 

For one, it light up.  

 

It was one of those funny vests that people wore ironically at Christmas time.  Bright green.  White stripes.  Little christmas lights that lit up and blinked.  

  


Sam laughed and pointed, "You look DUMB."

 

"Hey!" Natasha growled.  Bucky had picked out everyone's sweaters, and he'd been careful to pick the brightest and most fun of all the sweaters that Friday had shown them.  They were supposed to be cute and funny.  They were definitely not DUMB.  

 

"It's apposed to be silly," Helen said bossily.  "They are NOT dumb."

 

"Tell that to your DUMB reflection when you put yours on," Sam sneered down at the four year old.

 

"THAT'S IT!" Helen yelled.  "I DON'T CARE 'BOUT STEP NUMBER FIVE ANYMORE. YOU CAN DIE OF HUG DEPTH PREEN VATION FOR ALL I CARE!"

 

She crossed her arms over her chest and stomped back towards the room she shared with the other kids, Natasha at her side.  Tony looked at Sam with annoyance before going into Steve and Darcy's bedroom, where Darcy would help them get their outfits on.  Bucky was staring up at Sam though, his face not quite angry, but confused and disappointed.

 

"What are you looking at, Barnes?" Sam grumbled.

 

"You love Hells, right?" Bucky blinked up at him.

 

"I---what?" Sam squirmed under the disseminating stare of the six year old.

 

"When you was big, you hugged her all the time, even when she was little," Bucky shrugged.  "And I loved Nats afore we got little, and I still love her.  So why did your love go away for Hells?"

 

"It didn't," Sam disputed.  "It's just---she's a kid."

 

"You're a kid, too, don't be daft," Bucky's face scrunched up in annoyance at the teenager in front of him.  "You'd better be nicer to her and take your hugs when she wants to give 'em to you, or else when you get older, she might remember how mean you was and then you won't be getting any hugs at all, and believe me pal, I know how awful that is to not get hugs from the lady you love so much.  So don't mess it up, fly boy!"

 

With that Bucky nodded before turning into the room and directly into Darcy's legs.  He wrapped his arms around his sweet mother and squeezed her in a hug.  She smiled down at him and picked him up, allowing him to cuddle against her shoulder.  She then aimed that patient and loving smile towards a squirming Sam and asked,

 

"Everything alright here?"

 

"He'll be fine, sweetheart," Steve promised.  "Go on and get the boys dressed and we'll head out to whatever they have planned now."

 

Steve stared at Sam for a long time.  It had to have been at least a whole minute.  Sam felt really stupid just standing there, letting Steve stare at him.  He wished Steve would just yell at him and punish him and let it be done and over with.  He'd rather clean bathroom tile with a toothbrush than have Steve staring him down like that, all concerned and disappointed at the same darn time.

 

"WHAT?" Sam demanded.

 

"Sam, I want to give you the same things I'm giving the other kids here," Steve admitted.  "I want you to be happy and safe.  But you're going to have to work with us here.  You can't always have this attitude towards everyone.  You _chose_ to make yourself younger.  The other kids didn't.  So I'm going to need you to try to be more understanding and nicer, especially to Helen."

 

"I'm TRYING," Sam huffed out.

 

"Try harder," Steve advised.  "You've made Helen cry at least twice now since you've been here.  The Sam I know would have been ashamed to do that."

 

Sam blinked back his own tears.  He was ashamed.  But he honestly couldn’t help the mood swings.  He was trying, not as hard as he could be, for sure.  But he was trying a little.  

 

"I don't remember so much about being a teeanger," Steve admitted softly.  "I can't know what you're feeling, but I remember everything was confusing back then."

  


"I don't like being mean," Sam sighed.  "Especially to Helen."

 

"Then try really hard not to be," Steve advised.  "I know you have a lot of patience deep down inside somewhere.  You can find it again, because you're going to need it."

 

"Yeah," Sam sighed.

 

"Okay, go and get dressed," Steve nodded.  "And fair warning?  Nats is gonna find a way to make you pay."

 

**

 

Step Seven found the little family plus a teenaged Sam right outside of the facility, near a little bit of wilderness and trees, where a snow machine was working to lay down a little blanket of snow in the forty-five degree, afternoon sunshine.  It was a photo shoot, with the very best photographer that Friday the Explorer could find on such short notice (it was a VERY good photographer).  Steve's sweater vest matched up pretty well with the boys' sweaters, all blinking in time.  The girls' were wearing matching sweaters too, and while theirs didn't blink, they were extra super sparkly and bright.  Darcy's made her look like an elf, Helen's had a big cartoon picture of rudolph on it and Natasha's made her look like a little gingerbread man.  

  
  


Sam had TRIED to apologize to Helen before the start of the pictures, but Natasha was guarding her sister fiercely, and no matter their ages, Sam knew to fear Natasha well enough.  He didn't need a spork jammed into his thigh.

 

The little unorthodox family had been posed naturally enough, the photographer had simply told them to play in the snow while she snapped pictures.  Bucky hadn't needed to be told twice, and had immediately fallen to the ground, making snow angels.  Tony had went about building himself a cache of snowball weapons, while Natasha, Darcy and Helen decided they absolutely had to try and build a snow woman.  They were currently trying to build up her base, making it look like a big mountain of snow that was to be her skirt.

 

"Mending fences is easier when you do it right away," Steve put his hand on Sam's shoulder and patted him reassuringly.  

 

"Fine," Sam sighed and knelt to begin rolling a big ball for the middle of the snow lady.  He smiled at Darcy when he finally had something to put on top and she grinned at him and patted his shoulder.  

 

Natasha glared at him, but he didn't get a spork to the thigh, so that wasn't so bad.

 

Helen was looking at him suspiciously, her nose wrinkling in that way she often did, even as a grown up.  He struggled to hold the weight of the giant snowball he had made and gave her a friendly smile as he placed it on top of the base.  Bucky was quick to rush up and use Sam as leverage to climb high and place the head on the snow lady, cold metal hand only lightly smacking against Sam's face as the little boy quickly jumped down.  

 

"Watch that hand, Barnes, you're gonna give someone frostbite!" Sam warned, before looking back down at Helen with a sheepish smile.  "I'm sorry I'm a big hormone fueled jerkface.  You can hug me whenever you want, I guess."

 

"Well I don't WANT to hug you anymore," Helen insisted churlishly.  Her shoulders heaved up and down in an annoyed gesture.  "But it's on the list, so I kind of gotta."

 

She rushed at him and wrapped her arms around his thighs, giving him a tight squeeze.  Sam gave a small, soft smile and patted the top of her head.  

 

"That's four," Helen nodded, before disengaging and taking Nats hand to go and look for things to dress their snow lady in.  

 

"Proud of you, kid," Steve nudged Sam's shoulder.  

 

"Thanks," Sam rolled his eyes, his small smile still in place.  

 

"ATTACK!" Tony yelled out and suddenly Steve and Sam were deluged with an overabundance of snowballs hitting their body.  

 

Tony had enlisted Bucky and the girls to deploy the mighty cache of snowball weapons he'd already created and they were happily throwing them at Steve and Sam, with Bucky being the most proficient of all of them.  

 

"BARNES!" Sam screamed out.  "I'M GONNA RIP THAT METAL ARM OFF OF YOU IF YOU HIT ME IN THE FACE ONE MORE TIME!"

 

"That's Nats," Natasha corrected him, before smacking him in the face with another snowball.  "Eat it bad burny birdy!"

 

**

 

Dinner was really delicious pizza and french fries and boneless chicken wings with all the different kinds of sauces to dip into.  Sam lay on the couch in Steve and Darcy's apartment as the rest of the little kids got put through their night time routines.  The little girls got baths and after that the little boys were presumably hosed down somewhere.  

 

Sam wasn't a baby, so he didn't have to go through routines.  

 

But he found one routine of his own had stuck, even with the shrinking he had done.  

 

"Hola Friday," he said softly.

 

"Hola Sammy.  You are mighty pequeno today," Friday chirped back.  "Would you like to watch a movie?"

 

"Yeah, sure, one thing first though," Sam nodded.  "Can you tell Helen I said good night, and to sleep tight, and to not let the bed bugs bite?"

 

It was the same message he'd send her when she was thirty-three and alone on base while he and Steve chased Bucky around the world.  It was the same message he'd sent her every night since she had shrunken down into an adorable little kid.  And he figured it didn't matter how old he was, or how old she was.  He hadn't sent the message last night, because everything had been too messed up and weird after becoming a teenager.  But he'd keep sending her the message, because she appreciated getting the same message every day since she liked routine so much, and because she was special to him and he wanted her to always remember that.

 

"Si, si, tiny bird guy," Friday agreed.  "The message---"

 

Helen's squeal could be heard from down the hall and then there was a thundering of footsteps as she ran from the bathroom in a nightgown that made her look like Cinderella with a little hooded towel still over her wet heard that made her look like the Hulk.

 

"Is delivered," Friday finished just as Helen threw herself at Sam, wrapping herself around his neck.  

 

"You're not burnt anymore, now," Helen nodded against his shoulder.  "Good job, Cookiebutt boyfriend."

  
"Thanks, Hells," Sam smiled.  He patted her on the back and said, "Go on, get to bed.  Tomorrow is another big day, I'll bet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	25. Change in Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A silly scene and then PLOT.

**Chapter 25: Change in Plans**

 

* * *

 

When Sammy had been super old, he had never been able to beat Steve Rogers at ANYTHING.  He'd attempted to beat him in a foot race once, when he was thirty, before he knew that the man running before dawn was actually the REAL Steve Rogers. Sam had lost, of course.

 

Sam had attempted when he was thirty-one, to beat him with the craze of apps that had come out on their phones.  Words with friends.  Trivia crack.  Farmville.  Steve still managed to beat him every, damned time.

  
  


Even when he had challenged him to a video game battle at the ripe old age of thirty-four, there was something in the super soldier's amazing hand eye coordination and rapid fire synapses that had him mastering the video game in moments and soundly beating Sam.  

 

It was enough to give a person a complex.

 

But at the age of thirteen, Sammy could beat Steve at something, finally.  

 

And it was eating, of all things.

 

"Go go go go go!" Bucky and Tony chanted as Sammy shoved whole buffalo chicken wings in his mouth, bone and all and somehow managed to completely suck the meat from the bone, leaving it pristine when he spat it out into the pile of bones he'd collected.

 

"THIS IS AMAZING!" Helen shouted as she jumped up and down in excitement as Darcy fished the next container of wings out of the bag for Steve and Sammy to scarf down quickly.  Helen had been doing her best to organize the wet naps and napkins until Sammy had challenged Steve to a wing eating contest.  Now the little girl was grossly fascinated with the teenaged version of her adult boyfriend shoving chicken parts into his mouth at an absurdly fast rate.  "AND SO GROSS THAT I MIGHT PUKE.  BUT AMAZING!!"

 

Steve was not so great at eating the chicken wings as fast as Sammy.  Not for lack of trying.  The little kids refused to let Steve throw any of the games they played together.  They would not be pandered to.  And usually, they didn't need to be pandered to.  With all four of them working together, they could beat any adult in nearly any game.  

  
  


This was a party for Sammy.  He'd made it two whole weeks as a teenager and after those first few stressful, anxious, hormone addled days, he had settled into his new life quite nicely.  And his favorite college football team had a really important game, so Darcy and Steve were throwing him a little celebration full of his favorite foods and the biggest screen tv that Tony could find.

 

"Ughurp," Steve groaned and burped at the same time.

 

"Look out, he's gonna blow!" Bucky called out anxiously, grabbing Nats by the hand and guiding her to the safe zone away from any potential vile and vomitous backsplash.

 

"M'okay," Steve burped again.

 

"You sure, honey?" Darcy rubbed his back with firm strokes, causing her husband to close his eyes and melt a little against her.  

 

"MMhmm, just...you win, Sammy," Steve admitted.

 

"YES!" Sam screamed around a mouthful of chicken.  He spit out the bone carcass into the pile and began to dance around gleefully.  "I WON!  I WON!  I BEAT YOU, STEVE!  I BEAT YOU AT SOMETHING!"

 

"YAY! YAY!  MY BOYFRIEND IS A WINNER!" Helen jumped up and down excitedly.  She reached out for Sam's hands and made a whoop of excitement as he lifted her up, dancing her around the room in his absolute, unfettered joy.  "COOKIEBUTT IS A WINNER!"

 

Natasha looked at the whole thing suspiciously.  Her daddy never let anyone win.  He made people win on their own merit.  He did the same to Mommy, even, and he loved Mommy more than Nats loved candy.  

 

The diminutive toddler smiled up as Darcy carded her left hand through Steve's hair and her right patted his stomach reassuringly.  Nats had never seen her Daddy look so incredibly at peace.  It was something beautiful to see.  Nats was certain that when she was grown up she had tried to find someone to put that contented look on Steve's face before.  She was glad she had failed as a grownup, because this was so much better.  

 

Still.  She was Nats.

 

"What are you thinking, kid?" Bucky wondered as he looked down at her.  He had watched her expression go from confused, to thoughtful, down to scheming in the span of a minute.

 

Nats nodded and reached into Bucky's pocket, where she knew he kept a little glove to cover his metal hand just in case they would have to go off base at all.  She threw it down on the ground at Steve's feet, who sleepily blinked his eyes open and looked down at Natasha and Bucky curiously.

 

"Nats chachas you to a due!" she looked at him fiercely.

 

"Challenges," Bucky translated helpfully.  "To a duel."

 

"Daddy not eat as much candy bar as Nats.  Ready?  Ready? Ready??? GO!"

 

* * *

 

 

After Thanksgiving, which had been a fantastically catered event thrown by Pepper Potts in the mess hall, the entire base had turned into Winter Wonderland.  It had happened overnight, thanks to Tony's excitement, Friday the Explorer's willingness to help, and of course, the always present unlimited budget.

 

On November 30th, everything had been covered in oranges, reds and browns.  There had been live turkeys wandering about.  Friday had thankfully declined Tony's request for Pilgrim and Native American re-enactors due to security concerns.  But on December 1st, all of that disappeared and was replaced with industrial strength snow machines coating the ground at random intervals throughout the day, cheerful Christmas music being blared through any available speaker, and a real life reindeer pen in the middle of the facility grounds (Helen's personal favorite).  

 

And much to Natasha's delight, Tony had turned the exterior of their living quarters into a giant gingerbread house.  She had been so excited to see it at first that she had darted away from Bucky, rushing towards the gumdrop accents around the front door.  She had tried to sink her teeth right in and had howled out in misery when she only got a mouth full of very high grade foam, the kind they used to make movie sets, but still, foam and paint.  

 

"House a' lies," Natasha grumbled at the pretty and sparkly decorations of the living quarters as the quartet of children followed Sam from the canteen towards the building that housed the gym.

 

Darcy and Steve had been experimentally allowing Sam some more responsibilities, finding that his attitude problem was practically non-existent whenever he had a mission.  So he would lead the children every day to the canteen for a morning snack and then take them to a little room set up right next to the gym, which was what Agent Sanchez had deemed mini-Avengers central, where the kids would work for exactly ninety minutes on their plans to save the world from bad guys.  

 

Hill would come down for that, watching them carefully so that Tony didn't inadvertently set off drone attacks on suspected Hydra bases (she had learned her lesson after the first time he had successfully done it).  And it had pained the director of the Avenger's Initiative to admit that the quartet of children were exceptionally good at coming up with new, effective and interesting plans.

 

She'd used their knock out gas drones to take down a meeting of unsavory types, and then allowed Coulson's team to just walk right in and take the sleeping bad guys into custody.  

 

"Mission control to Rhodes, come in Rhodes," Tony spoke into the old fashioned microphone he had purchased off of ebay a few days ago.  His grin was manic as he demanded, "Gimme your 10-4, big boy!"

 

"Tony, that's a hard no on the BIG BOY," Rhodey's voice came over Friday's speakers.  "And you can see where I am with the mission view."

 

Tony shrugged and looked to the big holoscreen that was showing War Machine's view.  

 

"Just thought you'd like to talk back and forth...like the old days," Tony said with extra patheticness in his voice, even though his dark eyes were still gleaming with mischief.  "I miss hanging with you all the time, and wanted to indulge in nose tall sha."

 

"Aw, kid," Rhodey sighed.  "I'm sorry."

  
  


"He's playing you, Rhodes," Sam rolled his eyes.

  
  


"Little bastard," Rhodey grumbled.

 

"HEY!  I gots proper married parents!" Tony disputed.  "Both times!"

 

"I have the target in sight," Rhodey announced, clearly wanting to get back on track.

 

Nats jumped up onto the counter where Tony had the microphone and pressed on the button before yelling very loudly, "Nats says let a missile go pew pew!" 

 

"What?  This is recon," Rhodey disputed.

 

"PEW PEW WAR ROBOT!" Nats yelled again.

 

"Where's Hill?" Rhodey demanded.  

 

"Here," Maria rolled her eyes from the back of the room, knowing that she could be heard from way back there through the comm unit in her ear.  The microphone was purely a prop for the children to play with.

 

"PEW PEW WAR ROBOT!" Nats screeched at the top of her lungs.  "PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW!"

 

"So exciting!" Helen clapped her hands from her place by Sam's side.  She had her medical bag clutched in her hands, ready to help at a moment's notice.  

 

Natasha continued to scream her shooting sound effects, her little face going redder with each PEW as Rhodey didn't listen to her.  

 

"What's that?" Rhodey tried to be heard over Natasha's yelling.  "Shit---is that---"

 

"Herr Shuster," Bucky confirmed.  "Hydra's new number one, we found him and thought you'd want to get him.  So---yeah, pew pew, like Nats says."

 

"Holy---Sh---"

 

"OY!" Helen yelled.

 

"Shins and giggles," Rhodey finished as he let his shoulder missiles fly towards the transport, stopping the fleeing Hydra in their tracks.

 

"Coulson is five minutes out," Bucky revealed.  "He'll pick up more fun nuts to crack.  Thanks War Machine!"

 

Rhodey chuckled at the six year old.  The former Winter Soldier had just sounded like Rhodey had given him an ice cream cone with extra sprinkles, not taken down a very bad, evil man.

 

"Listen at Nats next time, War Robot!" Nats ordered.  "Now pew pew done, less go to a store and get ice cream cake.  And more sprinkles."

 

* * *

 

 

Darcy and Steve found that with Sam taking the children on morning jaunts, they had two extra hours to do whatever they wanted.  Most of this newly freed up time was spent in their marital bed.  And their marital shower.  And their marital kitchen floor.  And just a few times in their marital Avenger's locker room.

 

Steve found that his paper work went a lot faster with Darcy going through his emails and mail first, so ten minutes after the kids left, they found themselves workless. And then once marital relations (that were as loud as they darn well pleased) were finished, they were kind of aimless.  It was at the very least a joyful sort of aimless though.

 

They wouldn't go near the mini-Avengers control room, as the last time Steve had checked in on them, Natasha had screamed her head off at him to "LEAVE US ALONE DADDY WE IS WORKING!"  Every day they would go and check in on the scientists though, to see how work was progressing, and to politely ask that no one else get turned younger.  

 

Hank Pym had spoken very bluntly of his concerns about the technology that he was slowly developing to increase the age of a person, before Wanda and Vision could rat him out, of course.  Steve had promised him that the information and means of aging humans would be destroyed.  The scientists currently working on the situation were the most trustworthy on the planet, and had all signed their lives away to work on the project.

 

Darcy had gone a little gooey over the fact that Steve had been so forceful in his handling of Pym.  Making sure that the man knew that he had been in the wrong, but still managing to make him want to continue working, without sabotaging his own work this time.  Darcy had been so impressed that she had drug Steve by the shirtfront into their one time only marital janitor's closet.

 

So a few weeks before Christmas, they wandered into the lab and watched as Hank, Vision and Wanda worked with a half a dozen other scientists to make a tree sapling into a much larger, older and weathered tree.

 

"Holy cow, it worked," Pym whispered.  He shook his head in disbelief.  "It worked."

 

"Congratulations, Dr. Pym," Steve said from the back of the room, where he had taken Darcy's trembling hand in his.  

 

"Thanks," Hank said quietly, looking conflicted himself.  "I have the---we have the right ratio.  The botanist is going to have to double check the age of the tree now, but---I'm ninety-nine percent sure that this is going to work.  We can test it on Wilson, if he's still willing.  Just bringing his age up a few months at a time at first.  We can start tomorrow if you like."

 

"Wow," Darcy whispered.  She opened her mouth to speak, to congratulate the team, to thank them for their hard work.  Instead her throat was dry and she shook her head before turning and hiding her tears in Steve's shirt.  

 

He wrapped his arms around his wife and nodded at the team, also a little too teary eyed to speak.  

 

It was just about fifteen days until Christmas. They had so much planned for their kids during those fifteen days.  It was beyond selfish of them, they knew that.  But they weren't ready.  They couldn't give up their kids yet.  

 

Wanda watched them with her own teary eyes, getting the feelings off of them easily.  Steve had always been an open book for his feelings, but before Darcy, before the kids, those feelings were usually along the lines of protect, defend, protect.  Now they were so beautiful.  There was still the protect, defend, protect.  But it was blended with love and happiness and warmth.  And Darcy was the same.  

 

Wanda looked at Vision and gave a slight tilt of her chin.

 

The infallible Vision stepped forward slightly and the stone on the top of his head lit up for a brief second before frying one of the wires on the machine that would be used to age the children.

 

"How clumsy of me," Vision said awkwardly.  

 

"Very," Pym smirked.  "That wire is going to take a while to rebuild.  It was especially made for this project you know."

  
  


The scientist ran his hand through his hair and nodded before aiming a gentle, knowing smile at Steve as he tried to tearfully soothe his wife.

 

"Might take a few weeks.  Probably won't be ready to go until after Christmas," Hank said softly.  

 

"Thank you," Steve nodded.  "Thank you all, this is great news."

 

He quickly ushered Darcy out of the lab and guided her to the janitor's closet that they had enjoyed much more the week before.   He sat down on a box of industrial strength sanitizer and pulled his wife into his lap, holding her as tight as he dared.

 

"We knew it was coming, sweetheart," Steve sighed, sounding like he was trying to soothe himself out of the sudden darkness that had settled over him as well.  

 

"I'm going to miss them so much," Darcy mumbled into his chest.

 

"They'll still be here," Steve promised her.  

 

"I know," Darcy nodded.  "But---"

 

"It'll be just a little different," Steve smiled sadly.  "Do you think---do you think they'll know how hard we tried to make them feel happy and loved?  Once they're back to normal?"

 

"I hope so," Darcy sniffled.  She pulled away and looked up at Steve and whispered, "I know we talked about it before---and we wanted to wait---"

 

"No, let's start to try," Steve said immediately, knowing what she was alluding to immediately, her tear-tinged grin answering his life altering words.  "Thor told us that we have a window here, before Thanos can try again.  Let's live our lives, I want to have a family with you, Darcy.  I want to give Nats that little brother, even if she's going to be old enough to be his Aunt by the time he comes."

 

"I love you," Darcy whispered.  

 

"I love you, too," Steve smiled softly.  

 

"Okay...so, Hells has me weaned off caffeine already, and your test or calls should be firing just great with the underpants-less existence they've been having the last month," Darcy giggled.  

 

"Tony set up a trust fund for him already," Steve laughed, his nose nuzzling into Darcy's curls.  "So---you wanna---oh hell sweetheart right now?"

 

"I am not conceiving a baby with you in the janitor's closet," Darcy looked up at him in beguiled amusement.  

 

"You sure, cause your hands are half a second away from being in my pants," Steve sassed back at her.  And sure enough, her hands were at his waistband, her fingers doing that curling thing that meant she was about to dive right in.  

 

"Smart ass," Darcy wrinkled her nose.

 

"You love my smart ass," Steve accused playfully.

 

"I really do," Darcy nodded.  He nuzzled his nose into her hair some more and let his lips land against that lovely spot on the tip of her ear that always had her going a little molten on the inside. "Okay, first things first before we try to conceive a baby in the janitor's closet, you irresisitble pile of smirky muscles...what are we telling the kids?"

 

"That the scientists will be ready to turn them back after Christmas," Steve let his hand run up and down her back soothingly.  

 

"Oh, well, duh, yes, of course," Darcy nodded eagerly.  "I meant, what are we telling them about trying to have a baby?  Because Nats is gonna pee her pants.  I mean, she wears a diaper, but still."

 

* * *

 

 

"Mommy and Daddy are being weird."

 

Sam looked up from his comic books that Tony had had delivered for him and saw that Helen was in the doorway to his room, already dressed in her pajamas, Madam Toucan Birdie in one hand and Friar Turkey Legs in her other hand.   He put his comic book down and sat up, patting the space on his bed gently. Helen didn't need to be told twice, she zoomed to the bed and crawled up, making sure she sat down demurely and looked up at him with big brown, rapturous eyes.  Sam took a deep breath before sighing and shrugging.

 

"Well---your Mom and Dad got married in a hurry, maybe they want to break up," Sam said quickly, like he was ripping off a bandaid.

 

The tears were instant.  

 

And they weren't quiet, gentle crying tears.  

 

It was WAILING.

 

" **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** " Helen screamed.

 

Natasha was first through the door, and she wasted no time in rushing at Sam and tackling him.  Essentially, she ran at top speed, then jumped, turning her body into a tiny, tight cannonball aimed right at Sam's head.  She collided with him, the boniest parts of her managing to hit the tenderest parts of his head as she took him down, straight to the ground.  

 

Bucky was quick to follow and once he quickly realized Helen wasn't in physical damage, he jumped so that he was standing right on Sam's gut, staring down at him around Natasha's head she she put her butt on Sam's throat.  Bucky looked suspiciously at Sam, but was having trouble finding words.

 

"WHAT'D YOU DO TO HER YOU SQUEAKY VOICED JERKWAD?!" Tony demanded as he ran into the room at normal human speed.  

 

Bucky nodded, grateful that when he was too angry to speak, Tony would be there to dump words on people.  

 

"Nothin!" Sam squeaked, finding it difficult to speak thanks to Natasha's weight on his larynx.  

 

"He said---he said---he said..." Helen cried.  "He said mommy and daddy were gonna break up!"

 

Tony fretted immediately, looking down at Sam for answers.  Natasha blinked at Helen curiously before giggling and getting off of Sam.  Bucky did the same, chuckling and shaking his head the whole time. 

 

"That's not true, Hells," Bucky promised, hopping up onto the bed and consoling his younger sister.

 

"Silly cookiebutt," Natasha giggled, smacking a chubby fist against the side of Sam's head gently, still causing him to wince at the force of it.  

 

"Did you hear something?" Tony demanded of Sam.  "Did they say somethin' to you?"

 

"No, just, Hells said they were being weird, and you know, buyer's remorse," Sam shrugged.  "It was a quickie wedding, they could be having---you know, second thoughts."

 

Helen whimpered again and Natasha joined Bucky on the bed in consoling the girl.

 

"That'll never happen," Bucky promised.  

 

"You don't know that," Sam grumbled as Bucky hugged Helen and Natasha peppered Helen's hair with kisses.  He was really going to have to set his foot down when they grew up again about assassin cuddle time, he just knew it.

 

"Pop loves Ma more than anythin'," Bucky promised.  "They're perfect together and they'll never break up.  I promise."

 

"Mommy loves Daddy more an Nats love candy," Nats nodded.  "Is perfect.  Don't cry, Helen an Tony."

 

Tony quickly wiped at his eyes and held himself a little straighter.

 

"M'not crying," Tony insisted.   "And yeah, I know Mom and Dad are perfect for each other too.  Duh, birdface."

 

"But they are being weird," Helen said softly.  "Do you think they know that we cancelled the order of proper lap tics to the store?"

 

"No," Bucky shook his head.  "Cause I made Tony re-order them."

 

"BEACH RAY ALL!" Helen gasped.  "YOU HAVE BEACH RAYED ME, BUCKY!"

 

"You can't force 'em to have a baby, Hells," Bucky told her patiently.  His extra two years of age obviously making him invaluably more wise than the smart little girl.  

  
  


Nats wrinkled her nose at Bucky.

 

"I mean, you can do whatever you put your mind to," Bucky quickly amended.  "Anything and everything you could want you can do.  BUT, you shouldn't."

 

"Like I shouldn't take over all the toasters in the world," Tony nodded.

 

"You can do that?" Sam whispered.

 

"DUH," Tony rolled his eyes.

 

"Ma and Pop will have a baby when they're ready.  They'll probably have LOADS of babies," Bucky laughed.  "When Pop was ten, he said he wanted ten kids cause his Pop was the middle kid out of eleven.  And so he wanted to make a big ole clan of new Rogerses."

 

"TEN!" Nats eyes went wide and she held her hands in front of her and tried to count her fingers, but got stuck on eight as she usually did.   "WOWEE ZOWEE! TEN LITTLE BROVERS!"

 

"But I want a little sister, cause she'd be like a doll," Bucky admitted.  "We could get her the cutest stuff to wear!  Like my one doll with the wings."

 

"Okay, one sister, and---" Nats negotiated, she paused and tried to count her fingers again to number the brothers, but got stuck on eight once more.

 

"I gotta set up more trust funds," Tony whispered in amazement.

 

"You munchkins are NUTS," Sam accused, his voice cracking halfway between his last word.

 

"Shuddap cookiebutt," Helen waved him off, fully recovered from her panic.  "Imma get nine brothers and a sister."

 

A knock on the doorframe announced Steve and Darcy's arrival.  Their faces looked grim and serious.

 

"What's wrong?" Bucky wondered.  His beloved mother rarely looked so serious.

 

"We have to go," Steve said bluntly.  "Quinjet in ten minutes, grab your suitcases and pack them quick.  Hurry kids, we have to get out of here."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!! What on Earth could be happening now?? ; )
> 
> Also. Steve and Darcy are impetuous little bastards. But, it's done well for them so far, so, I can't fault them for it.
> 
> I hope this helps cure the Monday ills!


	26. The Happiest Place on Earth, Part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title kind of gives the cliffhanger away, I think.

**Chapter Twenty-Six: The Happiest Place on Earth, Part One**

* * *

  
  


Natasha Romanoff didn't like to be in the dark.  She hated it as an adult.  Some might have called her a busy body (Steve had definitely used the term once or twice in the past), since she liked to know what was happening with everyone at all times, no matter how small or large the happenings happened to be.  Clint had always explained away his best friend's nosiness as being an occupational hazard.   

  
  


After all, you wound up less dead the more you knew about whatever situation you found yourself in.  Steve hadn't known how that had related to his dating life a few years ago, but seeing as his dating life was now completely resolved with a happy marriage, he wasn't complaining anymore.  

 

Natasha Romanoff as a toddler didn't really care that much about being left in the dark.  Especially where her parents and Bucky were concerned.  That first day of being a baby, so long ago now, and being confused and scared and  _ hating _ it for the first few moments had ended in Natasha being cuddled in Darcy's arms in Steve's apartment, with Steve returning and bringing warm clothes and cozy diapers and lovely little comforting toys and all kinds of very important candy.  And ever since that moment, she knew that as much fun as it was to know everything that was happening, so long as she had Darcy and Steve right there with her, then she would be better than fine.  She'd be safe, warm, content and well loved.

So when her treasured Mommy and Daddy told her to back a bag and they had to leave right away, Nats nodded, ran to the kitchen and emptied out the secret candy drawer that her parents  _ thought _ she didn’t know about.  When Bucky brought her little carryon bag, she tossed out pajamas in order to cram more candy in it.  She then pushed at a wary Sam and Tony and forced them to leave room in their suitcases so she could pack bags of licorice and her own secret stash of M&M’s.  She wasn’t fussed at the reason Darcy and Steve wanted to leave in the slightest.  Because they were her Mommy and Daddy.  They loved her very much and they would always want her safe, happy, warm and loved.

 

So while Tony, Bucky, Sam and Helen fretted on the quinjet, Natasha curled up against Steve's comfortable chest and napped easily without a care in the world.  She knew that Agent Sanchez was piloting.  She knew that War Machine and Coulson had the defensive patterns well in hand.  So if someone bad was coming for them, they'd be protected.  And her adoptive parents were currently taking them someplace safer, and Nats would be better able to defend them all if she was well rested.

 

"Is it Hydra?" Bucky whispered to Darcy as she worked at putting together a little plane snack for everyone about midway through their flight.  He looked up at her with earnest blue eyes full of fear and fretted considerably, "Are they coming to get us?  Cause if they are, Ma, I need to go and get my weapons.  Cause I can't let them hurt you, Ma."

 

"Oh, my sweet baby, no," Darcy promised dropping the celery she had been slathering with peanut butter onto the platter.  She quickly went to her knees and enveloped Bucky in a fierce and unyielding hug.  "I'm sorry this is all a big secret, but I promise you, it's not bad.  It's a good secret."

  
  


"Does Nats know?" Bucky blinked as the little girl drooled on Steve's t-shirt on the other side of the plane.  "S'that how come she's so calm?"

 

"No, well, I don't know if she knows or not," Darcy admitted, not letting up on her hold on Bucky one bit.  "We wanted it to be a nice surprise.  I should have told you that it wasn't a bad surprise.  Nothing bad is coming for you, Bucky.  And believe me, that no matter what, whether you're big or small, I will never let anyone bad take you again."

 

Bucky grinned into her hair, imagining his small, little, loving mother standing up to bad guys to protect him as a big guy.  He knew he was plenty bigger than her when he was a grown up, and wondered at how funny it would look to see such a pretty little dame like his Ma standing in front of him to protect him from bad guys.  He relaxed into the hug and just let that lovely safe feeling wash over him.  It was a feeling he had gotten from Darcy and Steve ever since becoming little, and it was one of the best feelings in the world.  

 

"I love you, Ma," Bucky sighed.  

 

"My sweet boy, I love you so much," Darcy promised.  She sniffled a bit, causing Bucky alarm and causing him to pull back to see her eyes shimmering with tears and her bottom lip trembling.  "Promise me, that no matter how old or big you get, you'll always let me help you and protect you, okay?"

 

"Okay, Ma," Bucky agreed easily.  He accepted the ten kisses she placed on his cheeks and lips and forehead, grinning happily with every press of her lips.  He managed a peek up at the little countertop she had been working on.  "Can I get extra ants on my log, please?"

 

"Of course you can," Darcy promised as she finally relinquished her hold on Bucky and stood back up at her little workspace that Scott had installed for her that very morning, making the quinjet seem a little more homey and practical.  She waggled her eyebrows at Bucky and said, "But what do you say to extra special ants on a log?"

 

Bucky's eyes went wide as saucers and a pink, excited flush bloomed on his cheeks.  He wiggled on his feet and said, "Chocolate raisins for ants?"

 

"Mmmhmm," Darcy nodded.

 

"I gotsa wake up Nats!" Bucky made a little jump before he threw himself at Darcy's legs and squeezed with about half of his considerable might.  

 

"Oh, good, because we're landing in about half an hour," Darcy nodded.  "To a mystery destination that is not at all a bad thing, at all. I promise."

 

"Love you, ma," Bucky repeated.

 

"I love you too, little man."

 

* * *

 

 

"HOLY SHIT---"

 

"Oyyyyy!" Helen pointed an accusatory finger at Sam.

 

"SHITAKE MUSHROOMS!" Sam finished.

 

They'd landed in the quinjet in considerably warmer weather than they had left behind in upstate New York.  They'd clambered into a large, armored van, one that might have been used for ops a few months ago, but had been modified and updated by Scott and his crew.  It was now a cozy little fortress, with plush chairs and little television screens hanging from the ceiling, playing various programs that Tony had decided as soon as he was in the vehicle.

 

"Just a little ride," Steve promised Natasha as he strapped her into the dreaded car seat that she truly hated.  She squirmed only a minimal amount and Steve rewarded her with a giant lollipop, chuckling when her eyes grew big and excited at the prospect of the sugar.  

 

The toddler had done a passable job of eating the healthy snack that Darcy had served them on the quinjet.  That passable job had consisted of eating all the chocolate covered raisins off of her celery, and then taking one bite of the dreaded celery.  Darcy and Steve were counting it as a win.  They were counting EVERYTHING as a win now.

 

The children would be turned back into adults in the new year.  Any pretense they had had regarding disciplining the children before was now gone.  For this remaining month or so, they had agreed that it would only be about making it as much fun as possible.  Which was the reason Sam was currently having his reaction as he peered through the blacked out window of the van to see their surroundings.

  
  


"I never ever been someplace like this," Sam whispered.  He grinned and looked over at Helen, who was strapped to her own little safety seat dutifully.  

 

"What is it, cookiebutt?" Helen wondered.  She and Tony and Sammy had fed off of Bucky's euphoria on the plane after snack time and they realized that if Bucky and Nats were calm and complacent about their destination, then nothing could be very bad.  "Don't TEASE me, boyfriend, that's not nice!"

 

"Okay, here's a hint," Sam grinned.  "There are trees that you always liked a lot and wanted to see?  There's lots of them."

 

"Giving trees?" Helen blinked in confusion.

 

"The trees from Lord of the Rings?" Tony wondered.

 

"A big walking talking tree that likes to cuddle?" Helen continued.

 

"Matthew Say La?" Tony wondered.  He got a confused look from Sam on that one and rolled his eyes.  "The oldest tree in the world?  It's thousands of years old and is AWESOME.  You uncultured swine!"

 

"Tony," Steve warned.

 

"Just saying, I don't know if this guy is good enough for my sister," Tony said teasingly.  "Doesn't even know his famous trees."

  
  


"They're palm trees!" Sam interrupted.  Between Helen constantly being cuddled by tiny assassins and Tony deciding to be the protective older brother that no one actually asked for, Sam was getting kind of worried about his future chances with a grown up Helen.

  
  


"What kind?" Tony demanded.  

 

"The kind that are palm?" Sam shrugged.  “And you know, sway in the breeze?”

 

"Did you even go to high school?" Tony blinked at him.  

 

"Wait, what's going on?" Sam demanded as he peered out the window again.  "We're going underground!  What the heck!"

  
  


Darcy smiled and exchanged a little wink with Steve.  It was less than ten minutes until the car came to a stop, and while Nats was occupied with her lollipop and content, and Bucky was completely enraptured with  _ Moana _ as it played on the television screens, the remaining three minors were wondering what was happening.

 

"Friday the explorer says I gots safe houses in five different locations that could have arecaceae trees---"

  
  
  


"Araccky what now?" Sam blinked.

 

"That's it, my sister definitely can't fat or nize with no dummy," Tony teased.

 

"Tony," Darcy scolded.  "Sammy is a very smart young man."

 

"He don't know any science!" Tony wrinkled his nose at the aforementioned Sam.

 

"He's really good with math and practical physics though," Steve revealed.

 

"He is?" Tony blinked.

 

"I am?" Sam wondered.

 

"Buddy, to be able to do what you do as an adult, you kind of have to be," Steve smirked.

 

"Yeah, I'm a badass!" Sam quickly caught on and preened.

 

"Cookiebutt boyfriend, we talked about this!" Helen scolded.  "You gotta watch your language cause it's not app rope pre-ate to talk like that around us little kids."

 

"Yeah, watch your language, cookie fart," Tony smirked.

 

"You're not supposed to call me that anymore!" Sam pointed an accusing finger at Tony.

 

"Well you're not supposed to be a fart face anymore, but them's the breaks pal!" Tony countered nonsensically.

 

They didn't even realize that the car had stopped, and that Darcy had pulled out her phone as Steve went to unbuckle Natasha, who had eaten three quarters of the the three inch diameter lollipop already, her face a sticky sweet mess that Steve didn't feel he should waste as he picked her up and kissed her messy cheeks repeatedly.  

 

Bucky came out of his  _ Moana _ induced daze just at the end of "You're Welcome" and grinned at the sound of Natasha's excited giggles.  He unstrapped himself and climbed up next to Steve, eager to smack kisses against her cheeks as well as she squirmed in Steve's lap.  

  
  


The door to the van opened and Pepper Potts was smiling at all of them in turn, before turning a playfully petulant look at Tony.

 

"What are you doing here you beautiful carrot haired sea witch?!?" Tony demanded.

 

"Tony," Bucky scolded this time.

 

"What?  I called her beautiful, and her hair IS the color of carrots," Tony wrinkled his nose.  

 

"We talked about it, be nicer," Bucky whispered.

 

"What are you doing here you beautiful carrot haired sea---lady," Tony shrugged.

 

"Better," Bucky shrugged.

 

"I'm here to escort you to your suite," Pepper announced, standing back so Bucky could hop out of the car ahead of Darcy.  She ruffled the shaggy brown locks on the boy's head when he reached out a metal arm to help his sweet little mother out of the car.  After that it was a free for all, with Tony, Sam and Helen practically falling out of the van.  Helen was saved from a face full of cement when Steve reached down and picked her up by the back of her denim overall dress, hoisting her up easily so that he had an armful of Helen and Natasha.  

 

"Happy is driving the front golf cart and Dave is driving the second," Pepper gestured to the little, luxurious golf carts.  Natasha's eyes narrowed in tight and she gasped at what she saw.

 

Steve squeezed the little girl tight as she began a squirming, happy dance.  

 

"Yay yay yay!" Natasha mumbled into Steve's neck.  "Thank you, Daddy, thank you!"

 

Pepper melted at the sight of Natasha squirming against Steve, but saw that Helen, Tony and Sam were still pretty confused.  "Let's go everyone, we should get up and get ready. We have appointments to keep."

 

**

 

They drove underground, in fancy, air conditioned tunnels, and Bucky quickly realized what Natasha already had.  He wrapped his arms around Darcy's waist and cuddled into her, his little body shaking with excitement as they got closer and closer to their destination.  Happy brought their little golf mobile caravan to a screeching halt in front of a large set of sliding doors, that was labeled as a service elevator with a bunch of letters and numbers.  

 

"Holy crap, no way," Sam whispered as he read the very fine print at his eye level on the elevator, looking over at Steve for confirmation.  Steve shrugged and smiled and Sam couldn't help the pleased and happy grin in confirmation.  

 

Sure, he had never actually wanted to stay at such a place before for his own sake, but he was sure that Helen was going to enjoy it immensely.  And knowing she would be happy seemed to be enough to make him happy as well.  

 

It was a quick and speedy ride upwards and when the doors slid open, Tony's jaw drapped.  There were a bunch of people in costume waiting for them.  They looked familiar, and he realized as he walked through the line of people in period outfits that looked like it was straight out of the movie Cinderella, that they were all SHIELD agents or Avengers related personnel.  At the end of the line of maids and servants and footmen, was Agent Sanchez, dressed up as a very fancy butler, with plenty of room in his tailed coat for weapons.  He still wore the cool spy shades, though. 

 

"Welcome to the castle, if you'll step this way, we just have one person to meet before we have a few appointments to keep," Agent Sanchez smiled, leading the children and their parents, all of whom knew what was happening except Helen, down a decadent stone hallway with lit up stained glass windows.

 

"Princess, your guests have arrived," Agent Sanchez announced.

 

"HOLY MATRI-MACARONI THAT'S STINKING CINDERELLA!" Helen shrieked as loud as anything.  

 

"Why, yes, that's my name," Cinderella announced.  "Welcome to my castle, you'll be staying here as my guests for the next few days.  I hope we have so much fun together!"

 

Natasha was a squirming, squealing mess.  Bucky was in a daze as he stared up at one of the prettiest dames he'd ever laid eyes on (Nats and his lovely mother still were prettier, of course).  Tony shot the princess finger guns and a wink that seemed to be something his older adult self might have done quite a few times before.  Sam was watching Helen eagerly.

 

And the four year old little girl, held tight to Steve's chest was openly crying, although not a sound was coming out of her mouth.  

 

"Hells?" Tony prodded.  "You okay, kiddo?"

 

"HOLY SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS!" Helen squeaked out before fainting like a dead weight in her father's arms.

 

* * *

 

 

Helen recovered pretty quickly from her fainting spell.  And she had been in a state of euphoria ever since.  

 

They dumped their hastily packed suitcases in their absolutely magical suite, which looked very much like the fanciest room in an old stone castle. Pepper handed out little Mickey Mouse hats to all the kids, even managing to smile in a certain way at the thirteen-year-old Sam so that he shrugged and accepted the ears, cramming them over top of his high top fade.

 

Steve popped on a Mickey mouse baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses before helping Bucky put on a photostatic veil fashioned into a long sleeved glove that gave him the appearance of having a flesh and blood arm instead of his normal metal arm.  They were ushered through the castle this time, and went outside, where the unusual family blended right in with the crowds of excited people taking in the sights of Disney World.

 

Natasha noticed Scott up ahead, with his own daughter holding onto his hand, a pair of purple sparkly ears on her head.  She then noticed Clint walking ten paces behind, his own family trailing alongside happily.  Everywhere she turned, there was an undercover agent.  

 

Even Coulson was sitting on a bench about midway, giving Steve a reassuring nod of his head.  

 

It was quite a production to be there.  Bucky's metal hand, made slightly tingly by the photostatic veil gripped Natasha's as they practically floated to wherever the strict itinerary had them first.  

  
  


Natasha squeezed Bucky's disguised metal hand so hard when they arrived at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique that he feared having to have Tony take a look at crunched vibranium plates.  It was a gigantic salon, with bright, beautiful colors everywhere.  Everything was perfectly sized for children, from the little circular, cushioned waiting chairs, to the little chairs that little kids were already sitting on, while costumed salon workers chattered with the kids happily and made them all pretty and sparkly.

 

"I want a manicure!" Tony shouted excitedly.

 

"What's a manicure?" Bucky questioned curiously as Sam scoffed at the idea.

 

"It’s where we can get our nails done up all cool.  I'm gonna ask them to make me look like I got dragon talons!" Tony jumped up and down.

 

"That actually sounds cool," Sam admitted.

 

"DUH, I've got bucket loads of cool just falling outta my butt, bird brain!" Tony sneered.

 

"I don't know," Bucky wrinkled his nose down at the left hand that Nats was still squeezing in excitement as Darcy talked to the receptionist about their reservations.  

 

Steve knelt in front of him and put a big hand on Bucky's cheek.

 

"You don't have to have a manicure," Steve said softly.  "Your Ma thought you might like something else, actually."

 

The entire salon seemed to be filled with SHIELD agents, along with kids, grandkids, nieces and nephews of the SHIELD agents.  Cassie Lang and Lila Barton were squealing with delight as they went through the available outfits.  Bucky led Nats to one of the little chairs and helped her to sit up on the booster seat, and she sat there in grinning silence, looking around in wonder at what was happening.  

 

Boys were talking to the manicurists about what they wanted their nails to look like.  Helen was talking one of the hairdresser's ears off about how she just had to look like as much like Tiana as she possibly could.   Bucky waited patiently by Natasha's side as the hairdresser came up and asked cheerfully about what Natasha might like.

 

"Make Nats into Mulan," Natasha nodded. 

 

"Oh, like when she's in her fancy dress and makeup?" the hairdresser wondered curiously.

  
  


"NO, when she defeats the Huns," Natasha nodded.  She gestured to her face and nodded.  "When she dirty too.  Make Nats just like dat."

 

Bucky grinned before he felt strong hands on his waist, lifting him up and popping him into the adjacent chair.  Steve ruffled his locks and stood right next to Darcy with an arm wrapped around her shoulder.  

 

"You're overdue for a haircut, pal," Steve said with a smile.  

 

"Oh," Bucky blinked up at him.  He hadn't cut his hair since he could remember, literally.  He brought his right hand up to the mess of brown tangles and shrugged.  "Nats likes to pet my hair at night though."

  
  


"Don't worry," Darcy promised.  "I think we can come up with a prince that has the right kind of hair.  My favorite prince."

 

"Eugene?" Nats asked in excitement.  "Yes, make it like Eugene."

 

After the makeovers, came the photoshoot, which Tony seemed to especially enjoy with his awesome dragon nails (and professionally done goatee that had been painted on his face, sparing Darcy's eyeliner).

 

Bucky had grinned through his pictures, following Darcy's directions from where she stood behind the camera, giving his nicely trimmed up hair glorious shakes and throwing the smoulder at the camera well enough. They had to wait five minutes for Helen to stop crying in joy long enough to snap her picture, and she only just managed to stop because Sam had come to the rescue, sitting on the ground next to her and posing with her in the pictures. 

  
  


Natasha decided to take all the manicured boys with her for her picture, standing above their defeated bodies as the true warrior she was.

 

"What's next, Pop?  What's next?" Bucky asked excitedly as they made their way from the boutique.

 

"Lunch with a bunch of pretty princesses," Steve answered, Nats pulled away from Steve's embrace enough to level him with a warrior-like eyebrow.  "And candy and dessert too."

 

"And then, some rides sound pretty fun, don't they?" Darcy wondered as Bucky held onto her right hand and Tony held onto her left.

 

"Teacups?" Helen wondered hopefully as Sam allowed her to piggy back on him.  

 

"Of course, teacups," Darcy promised.  "We're not a bunch of heathens you know!"

 

* * *

 

 

The fireworks that night were beautiful and amazing.  Bucky still held Darcy's hands and Natasha stood beside him as he sat on one of the benches, petting through his now perfect hair.  No amount of de-aging could stop Sam, Bucky and Tony from involuntarily flinching at the sounds of the booming fireworks.

 

They loved the beauty of it, but too much combat had led to the three boys  _ oohhing _ and  _ ahhing _ but still flinching at the loudest points.  Steve did as well, and Darcy wrapped her free arm around his back, rubbing soothing lines up and down his spine.  

 

"This was a great, great day," Helen whispered into the sky as the last bit of the fireworks faded.  "Thank you Mommy and Daddy, this was one of the best days ever in the whole universe."

 

"You're very welcome, sweetie," Steve smiled at her before eagerly accepting her hug, unsurprised when she started to drift off against his shoulder almost immediately.  "Let's go back to our castle, and then tomorrow, we'll see what other kind of fun we can go out and find here."

 

"Another day?" Helen mumbled.  "It's an a bundt dance of riches, Daddy.  An a bundt dance."

 

"Yeah, it is," Steve agreed, pressing a kiss into Helen's heavy black bangs before leaning a little heavier into Darcy, who had Bucky and a sleeping Nats on her other side.  Tony and Sam were sitting at Darcy's feet, looking up into the night sky, quietly discussing how they could make the fireworks less loud and more awesome.  Steve sighed in contentment when Darcy managed to lean in just so that she could place a kiss on the side of his neck.  "It's more than one guy deserves, but I'm going to be greedy just this once and take it all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know that I'll be updating this story or Heroes get Remembered Legends Never Die until after Christmas. I do have a couple of Christmas themed oneshots that I'm eager to get out in the next week as well, so please be patient with the other WIP's.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


	27. The Happiest Place on Earth, Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive any Disney inaccuracies. I've never actually been!
> 
> Warning for Nats feels throughout this chapter. And also, cheese warning.

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Happiest Place on Earth, Part Two**

* * *

 

Steve had thought, when planning the trip out with Darcy, Maria Hill, Phil Coulson, Pepper Potts and at least twenty different security team leads that they would be going on a lot more rides.  He thought that was what Disney World was.  Fancy amusement park rides and Mickey Mouse everywhere.  He didn’t understand why four year old Helen Cho had been so obsessed with it.  While she liked flying with Sam, she wasn’t overly fond of rides.  The commissary had a little merry-go-round and a small rocket that you put a quarter in and would ride.  Tony and Bucky loved the merry-go-round and Nats loved the rocket, but Helen would not ride either.

 

“Daddy, I can’t, I get motion sick and I don’t want sick all over my brand new Powerpuff girls shirt,” Helen had always said.  Then she’d grin at him and with a wheedling expression that Steve knew grownup Helen had, she’d always suggested, “But I would say YES YES YES to a piggy back ride, cause it’s fun to be up so high!”

 

So he had thought being in the theme park for four days would be too much for Helen.  Certainly she would get bored not going on the rides.

 

But then, Steve had no idea that Disney wasn’t about rides.  At least, not for his kids.

 

Disney was about two things for the children he was raising with Darcy.

 

Live action character hunting.

 

And Food.  A lot of food.  So much food that at the end of the day, even Steve felt a little stuffed.

 

If he and Darcy hadn’t just stopped using condoms four days ago, he would think that she was exhibiting ravenous hunger due to super soldier impregnation though, because she had outpaced him each and every meal and snack so far.  He honestly didn’t know where she was putting it all.  He inspected her body thoroughly in the privacy of their own little room in the suite (as quietly as he possibly could), and she didn’t have a wooden leg that she was hiding all of the food in.  

 

“We have breakfast with princesses this morning,” Darcy murmured as soon as she began to wake up, her first words not words of love for her husband as he kissed up and down her neck, but for food.  “But first breakfast should be a Mickey waffle, cause we won’t get another one of those until we come back.  I want mine to be a sandwich filled with whipped cream and strawberries.”

 

“How are you doing it?” Steve wondered in bed on their last day as he spooned her in the bed, his hands resting on her belly, which was just as soft and round as it had been a week ago, not a little bit bigger.  

 

“Babe, you burn a lot of calories just normally, day to day your body is a furnace that burns twenty-five thousand calories,” Darcy hummed happily as his hands went lower on her body.  

 

“Helen said it was closer to thirty thousand,” Steve admitted, rolling back and pulling Darcy slightly so that she lay on her back.  He wasted no time in blanketing her with his body.  “But what’s that got to do with the price of bananas, sweetheart?”

 

“Well, your body is a well oiled machine, and I don’t think physically you could burn more calories in a day,” Darcy’s explanation as frequently paused while Steve kissed her.

 

“Kids’ll be up in twenty, we have to be fast,” Steve warned her.  “Explain your theory faster.”

 

“Not a theory, a proven hypothesis,” Darcy disputed with a shiver.  “I usually burn like, at most, like three calories a day.”

 

“Untrue, my sweet wife,” Steve disputed.  “We burn a lot of calories after the news nearly every night.”

 

“Yes, but in the past four days I’ve been running around like a crazy person.  I’ve walked more miles than I have in my entire life,” Darcy paused to cover her mouth as a more risque sound threatened to escape as Steve continued to do his earnest work quickly and efficiently before the kids wanted to come in and ‘ _wake them up_ ’.  “I need all the calories to make up for the increase in physical activity.”

 

Steve couldn’t’ speak at that point, but he did manage a gasp of happiness and a nod of understanding.  

 

“And also, Disney magic.  The food will find a way.  Mind over----over---somethin’,” Darcy stammered before slamming her hand over her mouth again.  

 

“Mind over--- _oh hell sweetheart_ ,” Steve gasped out.

 

It was a full ninety seconds before he could form words again and he whispered,  “Matter.”

 

“Need waffles,” Darcy murmured as she let her fingers ran through Steve’s blonde locks gently.  “Waffle sandwich.”

 

“Mmmmmpphh,” Steve answered.  

 

They were about to drift off once more, Steve’s body blanketed over every inch of Darcy’s as she continued to lull him back to sleep with her gentle petting of his scalp.  They may have been parents for a few months now, and thought themselves to be mostly experts, but sometimes fell into rookie mistake.  Such as, thinking they could get an extra half hour to doze off after very agreeable morning marital relations on their last day of a Disney vacation.

 

**_BOOM BOOM BOOM!_ **

 

“HEY!  PARENTS  ARE YOU DONE DOING THE UNSPEAKABLE?!?!?”  Sam’s voice cracked on every other word, but the desperation in his voice had Darcy pushing Steve off of her and they both began scrambling for the clothing they had had the presence of mind to set out the night before.  “Uhm, your kids are going to head out on their own if you don’t hurry the hell up!”

 

“Don’t annoy ‘em, Wilson!  They got things to do!” Bucky scolded.

 

“Cookiebutt! They need appropriate time right now cause Mommy is oval lating!” Helen shouted angrily.  

 

“I’m not old enough to supervise you tiny monsters alone, we aren’t leaving until they’re done!” Sam yelled back.

 

“Don’t yell at my sister POOPIE BUTT!” Tony hollered back.  “And we are TOTALLY allowed to go downstairs and get breakfast if you come with us.  We did it yesterday!”

 

“And I wound up covered in ketchup!” Sam reminded him.  “KETCHUP!”

 

“Birdie butt,” Natasha said jovially enough.

 

“Uh oh,” Darcy pushed at Steve’s waist quickly, recognizing Natasha’s tone.  She’d heard it at least three times a week since the children had become children.  It was the jovial, excited tone that Nats used when she was about to dole out physical pain.

 

Steve ran into the main room of the suite just in time to catch Natasha as she launched herself off of the flat screen tv mounted to the wall.  Darcy made a reach for the lightsabre in her hands but wound up getting it knocked on her own head instead with surprising force.  

 

All the kids in the room went silent immediately.  Darcy put a hand on top of her head, her eyes wide and suddenly teary at the sudden forceful impact.  Steve tucked Natasha under one arm and put his free hand on Darcy’s head, wordlessly asking her if she was alright.  He knew how hard Natasha could hit, even as a toddler.  Darcy gave him a little nod in return, blinking away tears.

 

“Nats,” Bucky said softly, his eyes on his sweet little mother though, wanting to make sure she was truly okay.  

 

“No no no no no no no no,” Natasha whispered.  

 

“It’s alright, Nats, it’s okay, Mommy is fine,” Darcy promised, but kept her hand on the top of her head, covering up a little portion of her forehead.  “You guys go and get some waffles, and I’ll meet you downstairs, okay?”

 

Steve nodded, and began to move but Natasha wasn’t having it.  She twisted herself in his hold and dropped with that ridiculous elegance that seemed unnatural for a toddler to have.  She landed on her feet and made a run for Darcy, who was speeding along to the bathroom.

 

“Mommy!’ Natasha cried out as Bucky reached for her next, swooping her off of her feet and holding her squirming body firmly.  “Nats hurt Mommy!  Nats so sorry!”

 

“Mommy is fine, she promises,” Darcy waved her off with her free hand.

 

“Mommy, let me see,” Helen called out as she hurried after Darcy towards the bathroom.  

 

“No, honey, no,” Darcy insisted and was thankful when Steve picked Helen up before she could follow further.  “Mommy’s fine.”

 

“Then why won’t you move your hand?” Tony wondered, blinking up at her in concern.  He looked at Natasha who was building herself up into a sobbing mess as she tried everything in her arsenal to free herself from Bucky’s hold, but he wasn’t letting up an inch.  “Let Hells look at it, she’s a doctor and everything!”

 

“Ma, please, just let us help,” Bucky begged, adjusting a flailing Natasha in his arms.

 

Darcy sighed and exchanged a look with Steve before lifting her hand off of her forehead, where sure enough a large red welt was forming and just a tiny trickle of blood where the seam of plastic on the toy must have scratched her.  It wasn’t as bad as it seemed, but Darcy knew her skin was paler than milk and accidentally bumping into a sofa could cause a bright red bruise to bloom up quickly.  Natasha’s sincere distress at having accidentally hit her would only worsen if she saw the immediate effect.  

 

“Oh no!!!!”  Natasha wailed, all of her fight against Bucky leaving her as she nearly turned into a dead weight that he had to scramble to clutch towards him.

 

“It doesn’t hurt,” Darcy promised.

 

“You’re _bleeding_!” Tony fretted, instant tears falling down cherubic cheeks.  He felt Sam’s bigger hand on top of his head and turned into Sam’s legs, crying into them.  “Someone go and get help for my mom!”

 

“No, it’s alright, it’s just a scratch, Mommy’s going to go and cover it up with some makeup,” Darcy promised.

 

“NO!’  Helen shouted.   She glared as her father tried to secure her more tightly in his arms.  “YOU’RE GONNA GET AN INFANT-SHUN!  DADDY PUT ME DOWN NOW!”

 

“Hells, fix Mommy, Nats so sorry!” Natasha whimpered into Bucky’s shoulder.  

 

“Okay, alright, Helen,” Steve nodded, putting the girl on the ground.  “Go and fix up your mommy, real quick.  Sammy, go and take Tony and grab us some waffles from downstairs, please.”

 

Helen ran for her mother and grabbed her hand, pulling on her gently to guide her to the bathroom.  Sam reached down for Tony’s hand and they  quickly exited the room, knowing that Darcy was in the best possible care with the four year old version of the world’s greatest doctor.  Steve took a deep, calming breath before kneeling down next to Bucky, who was wordlessly trying to soothe a listless and sobbing Natasha.

 

“Nats, baby, it wasn’t your fault,” Steve said softly.  “You shouldn’t have been trying to hit Sammy, though.  Accidents happen all the time even when you’re only playing.”

 

“Nats is so sorry!” Nats sobbed.  “Nats so bad!  Nats wants Mommy!”

 

Steve nodded at the very real contrition coming from the toddler and he shared a look with Bucky, who was well beyond distraught, not knowing how to console the tiny red head in his arms.  Steve acted though, wrapping both Bucky and Natasha up in a strong armed embrace.  

 

“Hush, baby, it’s all okay, Mommy is fine, she doesn’t hurt,” Steve promised.  

 

“Nats so bad!” Natasha yelled, wiggling once more.  She managed to get her arm up and smacked herself upside her own head.  “BAD! BAD BAD!”

 

“No, Nats, no!” Steve dropped his hold, intent on getting the child to stop hitting herself, knowing that she could do real damage.

 

Bucky’s metal hand reached out though, stopping Natasha just shy of her grabbing at her red curls and yanking.  He wouldn’t let her go any further and he stared down at her with a fierce look in his glinting blue eyes.  

 

“Nats is not bad,” he said softly.  He whispered it again in Russian. That stopped her struggling and she looked up at him with tears falling down chubby cheeks.  Bucky gave her the smallest, softest of smiles,  “Nats loves Mommy, Nats is a good girl with a Mommy and Daddy who love her.”

 

He then repeated the sentiment in Russian, the words sounding  like a soothing lullaby, and sure enough Natasha did calm, although she kept sniffling.  At the very least she had stopped trying to hurt herself, which Steve was certainly thankful for, as he couldn’t stand to see her do it.  Darcy came rushing back out of the bathroom with Helen in her arms.  Steve gave his wife a little smile at the sight of four pink Minnie Mouse band aids plastered on Darcy’s forehead.  

 

“See, Mommy is just fine,” Steve announced.  

 

“Come here baby girl,” Darcy held open her arms and did her very best not to be hurt when Natasha back pedaled away from her, those big green eyes staring at the multitude of bandages on Darcy’s head.  “Mommy is okay, it doesn’t even hurt and I didn’t need to get medication.”

 

“Head wounds bleed more probe fussily,” Helen nodded.  “It was a tiny abrasion, nothing big at all.  Mommy has popped pimples that bled worse!”

 

“Helen,” Darcy shook her head with a small smile.

  
“I mean, mommy doesn’t get pimples,” Helen waved her hands.  “And she definitely didn’t ask me to cure them when I was a grownup.”

 

“Natasha, come give Mommy a hug,” Darcy cajoled.  

 

Natasha shook her head no emphatically before using Bucky as a human shield.

  
“Ma, don’t worry, she’s just---she doesn’t want to hurt you again,” Bucky whispered.  

 

“Nats, baby, you would never hurt Mommy on purpose,” Darcy said softly.

 

“No, no, no,” Natasha sounded like she was about to start crying again.  

 

“Alright, okay,” Darcy couldn’t help but pout, looking like she was ready to start crying herself.  

 

“Sweetheart, why don’t you go downstairs and make sure that Tony isn’t taking over the restaurant and trying to make the machines more efficient?” Steve suggested.  “We’ll meet you down there.”

 

* * *

 

 

The kids tried to set things back to right for Natasha, stuffing themselves with waffles before heading towards the waiting line for the breakfast with the princesses.  Tony had managed to have a cup of sprinkles charmed from a restaurant worker, but Natasha refused to touch them.  Sam had pulled out a handful of little dum-dum lollipops as they were seated, and Natasha had morosely turned away and allowed Steve to place her in a high chair (a sure sign that something was wrong, Natasha very rarely consented to being put in a high chair).

 

Helen had taken a nearby agent’s cell phone and pulled up Natasha’s favorite videos, namely Jackie Chan kicking butt and taking names, but she had refused to watch, hiding her head in her hands.  

 

Bucky continued to say soft things in Russian to her, but every time he hit the mark and coaxed her to look up at the rest of the dining party, she’d take one look at Darcy, who would be smiling gently at her and immediately the toddler would tear up and start to tear herself up internally again.

 

Steve was just thankful she wasn’t trying to hurt herself anymore.  It was something he was more than familiar with, having seen Bucky do it to himself during the recovery period in Wakanda as the psychics worked to get the programming out of his brain.  It made his stomach turn to see the self punishment that seemed to be ingrained into both of the former Russian assassins by their former handlers and puppet masters.

 

Steve turned in his seat and caught Laura Barton’s eye at the table next to their own.  She saw the pointed look towards Clint and she nodded, taking the baby Nathaniel from her husband and pointing him towards Steve.  While years of teamwork had the men silently communicating with facial expressions, eventually Steve had to silently mouth words to the archer who could read lips.

 

Clint eventually nodded, before whispering something to his wife and then getting up, accidentally running right into Princess Merida.  The two stared each other down for at least thirty seconds before finally giving each other begrudging nods of respect.  When that arrow measuring contest was over, Laura looked at Steve and rolled her eyes twice in a row.

 

“Nats, baby, do you want the candy pancake?” Darcy asked hopefully.  “I’ll tell them to sprinkle extra candy on top?”

 

“Nats don’t want candy,” Natasha whispered, before she managed to pull her legs through the high chair and curled into a little ball.

 

Darcy tensed considerably and looked to Steve for help.  He could only give her a small smile, wordlessly promising that he was working on making it better.  

 

“Helen…. _Helen_ ,” Sam whispered, reaching down and pointing Helen’s head from her plate, up to the front door.  “She’s here.”

 

“OH MY HECK!”  Helen shouted.  “It’s Tiana!  It’s Princess Tiana!”

 

Nat gave a little look up at that, before hiding in her little ball of sadness.  Tony looked up from the pad he had been talking to Friday the Explorer on and saw that Natasha was still distraught.  He looked to Darcy and Steve then, his expression earnest and helpful.

 

“Mom and Dad?  Can we go to Disney Springs after this?  I wanna go somewhere special.”

 

* * *

 

 

Steve realized that Disney Springs wasn’t going to help them find more Disney characters, one in particular that he was sure might turn things around for Natasha, but it did have a lot of fun shops, good music and fun food.  And it didn’t take very long for Steve to figure out what Tony had had in mind.

 

The Candy Cauldron.  Goofy’s Candy Company.  The Ganachery.  

 

Three incredible sweet shops in less than a mile long space.  

 

Each one would have had Natasha in raptures normally.  She would have spent hundreds of dollars, and most of it would have been eaten in a day or two.  But being so morose and so distraught had Natasha sitting in a stroller of all things, one that they had been using as storage as they wandered around looking for more food and more characters.  

 

She said no to incredibly decorated candied apples.  She turned her head away from bags of gummies in the shape of Mickey’s.  She didn’t even look at all the different things that she could have dipped in chocolate.  

 

What was even worse was that she didn’t coo and giggle and clap her hands excitedly when Darcy and Steve held hands or exchanged little kisses.  She didn’t tease Sam when he’d accidentally forgotten his body was that of a gangly teenager and had nearly fallen into the water of the little lake.  She didn’t help Tony build a lifesize version of Iron Man in the Lego store.  

  
She sat in the stroller like a tired, muted baby version of herself, every once in awhile staring p at Darcy with morose eyes before shrinking further in on herself.

 

“Nats, my favorite girl,” Bucky spoke softly to her in Russian.  “I think you want one of of those treats.  I will get it for you.”

 

“No!” Natasha hissed out.  “Nats bad.  Nats not get candy ever ‘gain.”

 

“Nats, no, love, no,” Bucky shook his head.  “You’re not bad.”

 

“Nats hurt Mommy. Nats so bad,” Natashan insisted, before laying back in the stroller and feigning a nap.

 

“Hey, Cooper and Lila want to go to the dinosaur restaurant,” Clint announced suddenly.  “How about we get a bite to eat, see some cool dinosaurs, and then we’ll get a special boat back to the hotel, yeah?”

 

Steve nodded, although it had only been about an hour since second breakfast, and ten minutes since their last sugary sweet treat.  Agent Sanchez had foreseen them stopping there, and a table was waiting in a little alcove that looked like an icy cave.  The animatronic dinosaurs were impressive and Tony, Sam and Bucky (and also Steve) were looking around in wonder.  Helen wasn’t so impressed and climbed into the stroller with Natasha, cuddling up against her little sister, who was pretending to sleep.  

 

Darcy sighed and knelt next to the stroller and asked Helen softly, “Helen, honey, can I take the band aids off?  They’re starting to itch a little.”

 

“Yes, Mommy, come here.  Nats, I need the sanitizer, please and thank you,” Helen ordered, even with the polite modifiers, she sounded very bossy indeed.

 

But Natasha did spring into action, going and reaching into a pocket of the diaper bag hanging off the back of the stroller and pulling out two travel sized bottles of sanitizer and a package of wet ones.  She squeezed a healthy amount of sanitizer in Helen’s waiting hands before going for the package of wipes and holding one at the ready, knowing from experience that band aids were sticky when you got them off (Helen liked covering everyone in band aids for no reason whatsoever).  

 

“Nats, please hold Mommy’s hands, these are extra sticky and they might hurt coming off,” Helen instructed firmly.

 

Steve smiled down at his daughter as Natasha did what she was told, reaching out and gripping her mother’s hand, wet wipe and all.  She leant forward and put chubby lips against Darcy’s fingers.

  
“Be brave, Mommy,” Natasha whispered, knowing that ripping the bandages off was a little painful, even for her.  

 

Darcy squeezed at Natasha’s fingers and didn’t wince at all when Helen ripped the band aids off in one surprisingly efficient motion.  Helen held out her hand and demanded, “WIPE.”

 

Natasha complied and watched with a worried expression on her chubby face as Helen delicately wiped off any excess sticky bits.  When Helen was done, the two year old blinked up at the her mother’s forehead.  There was no more mark, there was no vicious cut or scar as Natasha feared there might have been.  There was just a little redness from Helen’s vigorous wiping.  

 

“I am the world’s greatest doctor,” Helen nodded in agreement with herself.  

 

Natasha nodded eagerly as well, and wrapped chubby arms around Helen’s midsection, squeezing her sister tight.

 

“Thank you Hells,” Natasha whispered.

 

“It’s okay, Nats,” Helen promised.

 

Natasha nodded and lay back down in the stroller, her eyes never leaving her mother’s face.  Even when the comet was about to strike the restaurant and the rest of their little party went a little crazy, Natasha stayed calm and quiet, making sure that her beloved mother was truly well. As everyone else ate, a large marshmallow rice krispie treat, in the shape of Mickey Mouse and coated in chocolate and candy sprinkles made its way into Nats strollers and she looked to see Tony smiling at her, holding the treat right smack dab against her mouth.

 

“I got a hundred pounds of candy from those stores being sent to our house,” Tony promised.  “You’re not bad, Nats.  I promise.”

 

“Thanks brover,” Natasha whispered, taking the treat from his hand and biting into it carefully.  

 

Steve and Darcy were pleased to see that she had eaten the whole thing by the time they were ready to leave.

 

* * *

 

 

They shopped in the World of Disney store for as short of a time as they could manage, and yet Tony still managed to spend quite a bit more money than he needed to, and not just for himself or his siblings.  Anything he bought, he automatically got at least a dozen of, because he figured that other kids on the trip would want when they got back home as well.  

 

Natasha was still in the stroller, but she had very softly requested that Darcy push her, and she was allowing Bucky to walk by her side and hold her hand when he wasn’t perusing the amazing toys that he was so thrilled to be able to purchase.  

 

Things really were looking up when Natasha reached out to one of the shelves in the store and swiped a whole row of lollipops off of it and into Bucky’s basket.  

 

They boarded a boat to leave Disney Springs, intent on getting more food at Chef Mickey’s (Helen’s favorite place with a salad bar), before heading back to the hotel to pack and say farewell.

 

Steve bent forward to Darcy, placing a kiss on his wife’s jaw and lingering to whisper in her ear.

 

“We’re going to be attacked, just play along,” he advised, as Clint was whispering to Bucky, presumably the same thing.

 

Moments later, a little motor boat sidled up next to the ferry filled with only the little family, the Bartons and a few other SHIELD families.  Pirates boarded the ferry quickly and with a lot of loud and dangerous shouting.  Natasha looked around in confusion as all of the capable security agents were quickly tied up.  She didn’t see what happened to Bucky, but he was sprawled out on the ground, right next to Steve, and that had her jumping out of her stroller.

 

“HELP!” Darcy yelled as one of the pirates, the dreaded Captain Hook, pulled her out of her seat and held her in a threatening position.

 

“That’s my _mommy_ ,” Natasha growled out, looking around at all of the other pirates.  There were a lot of them, more than the two year old could actually count, and she immediately began to try to figure out a way to neutralize all of them.

 

A loud war cry echoed on the boat and suddenly there was someone fighting against the pirates with a big wooden stick.  Natasha would recognize her anywhere.  She was the greatest of all the movie stars in all the movies that the two year old had ever watched.  It was Natasha’s hero.

 

It was Mulan, not dressed in her frilly finery, but looking just like she had when she was pretending to be a man in the army.  And she was fighting so hard to protect Nats friends and family.  

 

“C’mon, Nats!” Mulan shouted out.  “Some help, please!”

 

“Nats will help!” Natasha nodded, hopping out of her stroller.  She was so excited and so determined to beat mean old Captain Hook and work alongside her hero that she didn’t really notice that the pirates were leaning the right way away from her hits, like trained stunt actors almost, minimizing the hurt and then falling like bricks to the ground.  

 

“Be careful, baby!” Darcy called out helpfully.

 

“Okay Mommy, Nats is so careful,” Natasha nodded, butting her head into the knee of one of the pirates.

 

It didn’t take long, as most of the pirates jumped ship as Natasha and Mulan fought back to back.  Even mean old Captain Hook had loosened his hold on Darcy and walked backwards to the edge of the ferry.  

 

“You leave my Mommy alone!” Natasha ordered angrily.  

 

“Yes, yes, of course, you have my word as a pirate,” Captain Hook promised, before releasing Darcy gently and diving over the edge of the boat.

 

“Mommy!” Natasha called out, running towards her mother and jumping into her open arms.  She began placing messy kisses all over Darcy’s face.  “Nats mommy is okay?”

 

“Yes, baby, you kept Mommy so safe,” Darcy promised.  She kissed Natasha’s squarely on the mouth before smiling, “You should thank your friend for helping.  I’ll go check help Daddy up.”

 

Natasha nodded, smiling as Steve and Bucky stood up slowly, dusting themselves off and looking around in confusion that mostly seemed real.  She then looked to where Sam had been shielding Helen and Tony, and saw that they too were fine, even a little excited at the eventful ferry ride.  She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to look up at the face of the real life Mulan.

 

“You are a skilled warrior,” Mulan smiled down at her.

 

“Yes,” Natasha nodded solemnly.

 

“And a skilled warrior’s true heart lies with the people she loves,” Mulan said softly.  “You did a wonderful job protecting those that you love.  And I know that you will continue to do that forever and ever.”

 

“Yes, Nats will, Nats promise,” the tiny red head nodded solemnly.  

 

“We will meet again, tiny warrior,” Mulan nodded.  “Stay true to your good heart.  And thank you for allowing me to assist you in battle today.”

 

And with that, Mulan ran for the edge of the ferry and jumped down into a little puddle jumper waiting to speed her away.

 

“That was so badass!” Tony shouted. “Nats you are SO BADASS!”

 

“TONY!” Helen stamped her foot and poked her brother in the shoulder.  “Watch your stinking mouth!  OH, but no!  We didn't even get her autograph!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year and thanks for reading!!


	28. Sammy Wilson, Babysitter for Hire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go again! I know I just did half a dozen Christmas stories, but this story needed Christmas too!

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Sammy Wilson, Babysitter for Hire**

 

* * *

 

_**Upstate New York, Avenger’s Facility** _

 

"Oh my God.  That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life.  Friday the Explorer?"

 

"Hola Jefe!  What kind of adventure would you like to go on today?" the overly exuberant AI system chirped at the very young Tony Stark as he stared in horror at the disgusting subject before him.

 

"Set up a charity.  Organize fundraisers.  The disgusting and rear volty thing before my eyes must be cured," Tony said with all the seriousness he could muster.

 

Sam rolled his eyes as he surveyed the newest pimple on his chin.  It had popped up hours after they had landed back at their upstate New York home base.  Darcy had given him a little, sympathetic hug before taking him into the bathroom and giving him half of every one of her skin care remedies.  She'd offered to teach him the steps of it all, but he'd shrugged her off as gently as he could (Barnes was always watching, the little asshole), and went off to the bathroom he and the littler kids called their own.

 

"Seriously.  So gross," Tony nodded in agreement with himself.  

 

"Stark!  Quit picking on me!" Sam growled out, his voice cracking ominously.

 

"I'm SIX YEARS OLD," Tony reminded him.  "It is physically impossible for me to pick on you."

 

"El Jefe, I've completed the necessary paperwork to establish a non-profit, but you have some important decisions to make!" Friday said with excitement.  "Based on your established personal preferences, I've come up with a few options that you can chose between."

 

"Good job, Friday!" Tony's eyes lit up with an unhealthy amount of deviance.  "Hit me with 'em."

 

"Stark," Sam warned, even as Barnes wandered from the hallway towards the bathroom doorway. 

 

"Our first choice is the Society for the Advancement and Curing of  Poor Pizza Faces!"  Friday announced.

 

Bucky's giggle was covered with a metal hand and Sam glared between a delighted Tony and a silently chortling Bucky.

 

"Second choice is Crater Face United," Friday continued.

 

"Hey! What are you guys doing?" Helen questioned as Tony and Bucky giggled and Sam stewed.  She grinned at her boyfriend and waved.  "Mommy and Daddy are getting ready for their romantical date and we need to give 'em kisses and extra wishes that they have an extra romantical night for coin sap shun to happen for a baby brother!"

 

"Third choice is Pimple Poppers Anonymous," Friday finished.

 

"HEY!" Helen put her hands on her hips and glared at a still giggling Tony and a now suddenly repentant Bucky.  "Are you guys pickin' on my hormonal Cookiebutt?  He can't help he's got testy ostrich own warring in his body that makes pimples and stuff.  Don't be rude!"

 

"Sorry, Hells," Bucky's little mouth fell into a sincerely contrite curve downward.  

 

"You bet you are Mister!" Helen wagged her finger at him.  "Daddy said you got blemishes every Monday when you were a teenager, and you used your ma's makeup to cover 'em up on dance hall nights!"

 

"Whaaaaaat?" Sam's eyes lit up.

 

"Holy crap buckets!" Tony cackled.

 

"Nothin' wrong with wantin' to look your best!" Bucky grumbled.  He pointed at Tony and accused, "You use Ma's eyeliner every day to paint on your stupid goat hairs on your chin!"

 

Sam cackled more, feeling vindicated, even if Tony didn't seem too fussed at the very true accusation.  Everyone knew that five days out of seven found him drawing goatees onto his face.

 

"Aaaaaaand, you have a prescription for zit medicine!" Helen pointed at Tony with an index finger of judgement and steel.  "I wrote it out when you were a grownup cause you didn't want zits when you did photoshoots!"

 

"HEY!" Tony yelled, all of his levity leaving him suddenly.  He pointed at Helen accusingly.  "You just broke the Hippopotamus Oath, lady!  I'm gonna have you dismembered."

 

"No!" Nats yelled running onto the scene.  She glared at Tony warningly.  "My sister!"

 

"Not dismembered," Sam said quickly, not wanting to invoke Nats' wrath on a day when he was SUPPOSED to be responsible for them.  "He meant disbarred, I think.  Cause she's not allowed to tell people confidential information and she KNOWS that after she announced to the entire commissary yesterday that her Mommy was Oval lating and we needed to find candles to set the mood."

 

"Oh, right," Helen wrinkled her nose.  "Sorry, Tony."

 

"S'okay, I guess," Tony shrugged, not too fussed about it really.  "But really, we should get your prescription pad and write out a prescription for your spotty cookiebutt's face cause he NEEDS it."

 

"Rude," Helen wagged her finger at him.  "You're lucky I don't tell everyone all the prescriptions I write for you."

 

Nats was getting bored with the conversation, and much like an adult version of herself, she simply glared at Sam and Tony before walking from the room, managing to grab Bucky's left hand at the doorway as she looked for more interesting things to occupy her time.  Namely, cuddly time with her Mommy before Daddy whisked her away for a fun date and hopefully baby brother making  _ Oh Hell Sweetheart _ .

 

* * *

 

 

"Okay, you have those gigantic bags?" Darcy questioned Steve as she checked her purse to make sure she had all the lists she needed.  

 

"Yes, sweetheart," Steve answered dutifully as he slid his arms around her waist and pulled her in close, letting a cherishing kiss land against her nose.  "We're set.  We'll be gone for three hours, as scheduled, and we'll get EVERYTHING done. I promise."

 

"Maybe we shouldn't leave them with Sammy," Darcy sighed.  "I know he wants to be treated like a grownup, but he's fourteen and they're----they're our kids and they're going to wind up tying him up and dressing him up like a Christmas tree.  Or worse.  We should get other people too.  Maybe Scott's not busy."

 

"Sam needs to have more responsibility, he asked for us to trust him more," Steve reminded her.  

 

"AND he wants to make his own money to buy Helen that little toy hospital," Darcy said knowingly.

 

"And he wants to make more money.   _And_  Scott and the crew are dropping off Cassie and spending Christmas there," Steve reminded her.  He gave her a knowing smirk and shrugged, "And the last time we asked them to babysit, they wound up taking the plane to New York and getting us married."

 

"You complaining about that, Mister?" Darcy asked with laughing eyes.

 

"Not even a little bit, in fact, let me go call up Scott and see if he can pack up the Wombats and everyone's families and get back here in the next ten minutes," Steve insisted, his eyes dancing with that trolly sass that Darcy really did love so much.  He kissed her on the lips this time, solid and firm and quick.  "If he can do anything even a fraction as amazing as what the last babysitting adventure netted me, then I'll be the luckiest dope on the planet, Darce."

 

"Awwwww," Natasha cooed.

 

Darcy and Steve turned around slowly to see that they had an audience.  Bucky and Natasha had taken up residence on the couch, and they were watching Darcy and Steve as if the adults were a personal theatre performance.  All that was missing was the popcorn, really.  Natasha reached into the cushions and pulled out a bag of reese's pieces, and without even looking down, both she and Bucky reached for handfuls and stuffed their smiling faces.  

 

"What did we say about sugar before you've had at least a bite of healthy lunch?" Darcy looked at Natasha with about as much sternness as she could muster towards the toddler.  It wasn't that much sternness, to be honest.  It more closely resembled a guilty, indulgent smile.

 

Natasha shrugged and shoved another handful of candy into her mouth.

 

"Love you, Mommy," she said around a mouthful of sugar.

 

"Aww, baby, I love you too," Darcy melted.

 

"Are you SURE they should be trying to have babies, they're awful at sticking to their guns," Sam sighed as he walked into the living area that looked so much different than Steve's living area had looked a year ago.

 

For one, there was a gigantic Christmas tree taking up a whole corner of the living room.  It was decorated to within an inch of its life, too.  Each of the kids, including Sam, had very specific ideas on how they wanted to decorate the tree and Friday the Explorer had been very accommodating with finding the specific decorations each child had wanted.

 

There were strings of white lights and pretty red velvet bows for Bucky, as well as little Christmas balls painted to look like Steve's shield.  Tony had gotten the custom made string of lights that were the Iron Man mask, as well as tiny arc reactor ornaments that he swore up and down weren't ACTUAL arc reactors. Steve had his doubts however, thanks to the fact that none of the other strings of lights on the tree were actually plugged into any outlets.

 

Helen had special ordered garland that very closely resembled strings of bandages and her ornaments were of the cartoon Tweety Bird, which Tony had thought wildly hilarious, and Sam had huffed in annoyance about.  Helen had gone into raptures over them, though, so Sam had eventually just shrugged.

 

Sam's own ornaments had been multicolored blinking lights, the brightest he could find to clash dynamically with the white lights that Bucky had chosen.  And his special ornament set had been all about his favorite sports teams, the Philadelphia Eagles, the Anaheim Ducks, and the Baltimore Orioles.  

 

It was a very Avian themed tree when inspected closely.

 

And then there was Natasha.  She hadn't chosen lights.  And she hadn't chosen ornaments.  Darcy and Steve had been concerned at first that she didn't want to celebrate Christmas as the other children did.  They had no way of knowing what Natasha's Christmases past were like as a child of the Red Room.  Darcy had feared that they might not have been good at all, like most of her childhood in the Red Room had not been good at all.

 

But then, one day after the tree went up and was decorated liberally by the other kids, Darcy found Natasha crawling underneath the tree and reaching up into one of the higher branches.  When she came back out, she had a handful of chocolate bars and a brilliant little grin on her face.

 

"S'my pretty tree," Natasha had nodded at her mother, before stuffing her face with chocolate.

 

And then the next morning, Steve had watched her quietly as Natasha sneakily took the corkscrew that Darcy had used just the once for wine for a date night they had shared two months ago.  The baby carefully bent unnecessary metal parts and then applied the dangerous metal corkscrew to a bracelet stolen from one of Bucky's dolls.  All in all it had looked like a fierce and deadly weapon, especially in the hands of the toddler.

 

She then walked towards the tree, where Bucky was admiring the beauty of it, Sam's multicolored blinking lights be damned, and she held out her hands to Bucky.  He took it in stride and pulled the baby up on his shoulders and allowed her to reach up into the tree and carefully place her weapon amongst one of the red velvet bows.  

 

Steve had told Darcy that when it came time to take the tree down, she would not be participating and he would find some kind of blade resistant gloves for himself.

 

In addition to the tree, there were the nonseasonal toy chests, one for each child, placed along the wall leading to the kitchen.  The couch and arm chairs were covered in jackets in various sizes and colors, all ready and waiting to be grabbed and thrown on a child at a moment's notice.  

 

Despite the toy chests, there were still dolls and toys everywhere.  Sam liked to take Bucky's dolls and set them up in little scenes, mostly inappropriate, with the other toys.  Tony took to these games as well, and it wasn't an odd occurrence to see a bunch of Barbies set out on the coffee table, looking like they had just seen the wrong end of a very bad night, laying in puddles of torn up colored paper and candy wrappers made to look like puddles of sick.  

 

And then Darcy had her little candle warmers.  Everywhere.  They were some that were seasonally appropriate, a big jolly santa sat on the table next to the entranceway, a tiny ceramic fireplace glowed on the windowsill.  But most were just generic, but pretty and colorful, and they glowed all day with a soft light that lit the scented wax in the burners.  

 

Steve had to admit it was one of his (many) favorite things about the changes to his living quarters.  Darcy picked out the scents with care along with Tony, who enjoyed coming up with new combinations immensely.  As soon as Steve would walk into his home, he was greeted with a warm combination of fresh linen and warm cinnamon.  At the end of the entranceway hallway was a little wafting smell of apples.  When he was sitting cuddled up on the couch with his wife and any and all combinations of the kids, he could smell something like toasted marshmallows and clean burning fire.  

 

And in their own bedroom was the scent of lavender, which Darcy always seemed to smell like as well.  It calmed him and put his mind at ease, just getting a whiff of it.  

 

The large Captain's quarters had never felt more like a home, and Steve hoped that even after all was said and done, without the chaos and mess that four children and a teenager brought, it would still feel like that.

 

"Well, considering any new babies wouldn't come with pre-existing attitude problems, Samuel," Steve said pointedly, although his face was still smiling.  "Are you sure you can handle the four of them for the next two hours?"

 

Sam rolled his eyes.  

 

"Seriously, we can reschedule," Darcy promised.  

 

"NOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!" Helen wailed.  

 

"You gotta go on your date and get romantical!" Bucky insisted.  

 

Darcy shook her head in amusement.  If the kids knew that she and Steve weren't going out on a date at all, but were instead using the three hour window to run out and do very necessary Christmas gift shopping, there might be a child revolt.  The news that Darcy and Steve wanted to add to their little family had been received so well.  

 

And it had given Helen the free reign to meddle and offer advice as much as she wanted.  And the tiny four year old doctor did so with gusto.  It never seemed quite right for someone so young to know so much about Darcy's cycle, but they had to remember that no matter the age, Helen was definitely brilliant about all things medical, so on the last night in Disney, it hadn't been much of a shock when Helen had announced at the dinner table at the Be Our Guest restaurant that Mommy and Daddy would have the wine with dinner because it would help set the mood fo _ r Oh Hell sweetheart  _ relations.

 

She'd been like a dog with a bone about it.  And if Darcy and Steve let her know that they were going to go shopping instead of going on a date, Darcy had no doubt that Helen would boss her siblings around until Bucky and Natasha had tied Darcy and Steve up and locked them in a room together.  

 

The quartet of kids, and even Sam, did think it would be excessively nice that the two people who had been so good to them since their babyfication would be adding to the family.  Aside from not being able to discipline Natasha or Bucky or Tony really well at all, they couldn't think of anyone better to be parents.

 

"Just go," Sam sighed dramatically (his go to state of being since being turned into a teenager).  "It's just a few hours and they're kids.  How hard could it be?"

 

* * *

 

 

The ice cream had been a mistake.  Clearly.  

 

Sam gained a little respect for the delicate dance that Darcy and Steve did with the four littler kids.  Because Helen had said something ADORABLE and that had Sam ruffling her hair and automatically declaring that for lunch they wouldn't be having the pizza that Darcy and Steve had told them they should have Agent Sanchez order for them, but instead, an ice cream sundae bar.

 

They had five different kinds of ice cream already in the freezer, along with everything needed to make delicious sundaes in the pantry.  Darcy and Steve kept the kitchen stocked to the rafters with food, especially since Sam had been turned into a teenager.  Sam's appetite could give Steve's appetite a serious run for its money.  

 

It had been a good idea, in theory.  But then Tony had gotten wired on the sugar, and Helen had gotten wired off of the very nice and neat separation between cups of sprinkles and cups of marshmallow and cups of peanuts.  And Bucky had gotten wired off of the rush of using the fancy ice cream bowls that he and his ma had spent ten minutes one rainy afternoon selecting out of a fun catalogue.  

 

And Nats, well, she had stuck her entire face in a bowl of mostly candy and come back up with the insatiable need for mischief.  It had mostly involved using a spoon as a paintbrush and ice cream as her paint on a happily compliant Bucky, then a cackling Tony.  Nats bypassed Helen, knowing her loving sister didn't like to be made messy.  

 

But then there had been Sammy.

 

And he had been so fun to chase and hold down as she painted over him with ice cream, then added sprinkle accents.  

 

And then it had been even more fun to run away.

 

It had been weird to run into Mommy and Daddy in the closet, when they had said they were going out for a date.  And Nats knew that the date had consisted of shopping for Christmas presents.  But if Bucky said they would do just fine in the closet, well, she wasn't going to argue.  She liked having her parents close by, just in case she needed to protect them.

 

"Nats don't wanna baff," she declared as she stared down at Sam, who was covered in ice cream, sprinkles and now glitter.  

 

"Steve said I needed to keep you guys in one piece, and not doing crazy stuff, and the only thing Darcy asked for was that you were mostly clean when she got back," Sam sighed, sitting up in the middle of the hallway and looking around.  He gave Natasha his most earnest little smile and shrugged, "Work with me, squirt."

  
  
  


"My Cookiebutt is SO charming!" Helen whispered to Tony.

 

"Eh, he's okay," Tony shrugged.  "OH! Let's go do another trial run on the kid washing machine!"

 

"Wait--what?" Sam blinked as Bucky high fived Tony, and Helen and Natasha began to clap in earnest.

 

"I invented it and put it in lab 2C, the one where Hells was going to set up her new research project before we got all shrunk and stuff," Tony revealed as he turned down the hallway and led the way to the research and development levels of the facility.  The other three children followed happily and Sam trotted in order to catch up.  "Mom said one day after me and Nats and Dad came home all dirty from playing outside that it would be easier to stick us in a car wash than to give us another bath.   So I invented one."

 

"Is tickly," Natasha nodded with an eager grin.

 

"If you duck down at the row of scrubbers and the blasters, then you should definitely not get a corn cushion," Helen grinned up at her Cookiebutt before grabbing his hand and yanking him along.  

 

Sam thought of all the logical arguments against the kid washing machine, but to be honest, it sounded like a lot of fun.  In his head it was just like an automated car wash, hopefully without the hot wax part.  And Darcy DID say that she wanted the kids to be mostly clean when she came back.  

 

Bucky stopped once they hit the floor where the labs were on.  He held up a metal finger and looked around the floor, sniffing and squinting his eyes as he tried to listen real hard.

 

"James?" Natasha wondered.  But then she looked like she was listening real hard too, and got a scowl on her face.

 

Bucky did the opposite, his face lit up with real, palpable joy and he whispered, "Puppy."

 

He drug a clearly annoyed Natasha along and the two of them zipped towards a lab.  A lab that Sam recognized immediately.

 

"Hey, uh, no, let's go to the kid wash machine!" Sam called out.  

 

Too late, as the assassin duo were already at the door and Bucky had lifted Natasha to override the lock on the door so that they could peek in.  Tony and Helen followed and Sam heaved a heavy sigh before doing the same, and they stacked their heads up in the crack of the door like an adorable totem pole, with Helen on the bottom, then Bucky, then Nats, then Tony and finally Sam as they watched the work happening in the lab where all five of them had become younger versions of themselves.

 

The door revealed the walled off observation area, but past the control table and the few desks where Vision and Pym were working, there was a wall of glass that Wanda was standing at, looking in on the experimental area of the lab with a small smile.

 

Bucky had been right, and Natasha scowled at the adorable puppy that was sitting happily in a little cordoned off area in the middle of the lab, eagerly chewing at a little toy made up of strong rope.  It looked to be something akin to a little pug, with a squashed in black snout and lovely golden fur.

 

"Friday the Explorer," Wanda spoke.

 

"Hola Witchy Senorita!" Friday chirped back.

 

"Please note that the Rufus has met the Natasha criteria," Wanda said hesitantly.  Pym had no patience with speaking with Tony's AI, and Vision was too indulgent of JARVIS’ replacement systems, enjoying the games and riddles too much to get the job done.  "Place the gold star on the de-aging portion of the experiment."

 

"Can do, Amiga!" Friday made a sort of tinkling flourish of a sound to indicate that she had done so.

 

"We are now commencing with aging, using the reverse proportion of Natasha's age criteria," Wanda announced.

 

"And how are you getting that done?" Friday wondered teasingly.

 

Wanda pursed her mouth a bit, swallowing the annoyance before saying with mock blitheness, "With a smile, Friday.  With a smile."

 

"Puppy," Bucky whispered.  He sighed wistfully.  "When they're done, I wanna play with him."

 

"Puppy bad," Nats grumbled.  "James play wif Nats instead."

 

"Awww, my girl, no Puppy could replace you," Bucky promised, turning his head and kissing her cheek.

 

"Puppy eat Nats candy, no puppy.  Bad," Natasha refused to let up.  "Stinky."

 

"Puppy wash!" Tony whispered.  "We can make a puppy wash---"

 

If they quintet of minors had been de-aged with a banging sound, the procedure they were trying to replicate now was somehow the opposite of a banging sound.  It felt more like a violently fast intake of air, whooshing as a bright light illuminated the whole room.  

 

When it receded, the puppy was gone, and in its place was a fat, old pug, who was less enthusiastic about his chewing of the rope, but still continued to gnaw at it.  

 

"Friday, Rufus is back to normal," Wanda breathed out, in astonishment.  She turned to Vision and grinned.  "We did it."

 

The children eavesdropping all backed away from the door simultaneously and let it fall silently shut.  Sam was beaming down at Helen and she had a little grin on her face as well.  Tony looked more thoughtful than he ever had, and also just as conflicted as he had ever been.  

 

Natasha reached out and grabbed for Bucky's left hand, holding it tight.  He looked down at her curiously, searching her features for some indication of how she felt.  It took a while, but eventually, he saw just a small blink and downturn of her mouth.

 

"I will destroy the machine after Wilson and Hells and Tony are aged," Bucky promised her quietly.

 

"No," Nats shook her head.  "Nats can grow up."

 

She looked up at Bucky discerningly and shrugged, "James is okay?"

 

Bucky realized that finding a smile was difficult and he managed to lift half of his mouth up in an approximation of one.  He wondered errantly why his parents hadn't said anything to any of them about the machines almost being finished.  Immediately he realized why they had been rushed off to Disney a week ago.  And he understood why his Ma had been looking over the lists of things they had all made up for Santa so obsessively and why she had been planning and plotting for the last few days.   

 

They wanted to wait until Christmas was over.  The unexpected parents wanted to give all of the kids a wonderful and lovely Christmas and then break it to them that they would have to grow up.

 

"You know, things don't gotta change," Tony said softly.

 

"Uhm, yeah they do," Sam disputed.  He pointed to the pimple on his chin and said, "They really do."

 

"Not like that, stupid fart butt," Tony rolled his eyes at the teenager.  He smiled at Bucky and managed a little shrug of his shoulders.  "Between us, things don't gotta change.  Cause that's what you're worried about."

 

"I was bad," Bucky whispered, hesitant to remind him.

 

"And I was too," Tony nodded.  "And so was Nats.  And---well, no Hells has never been bad ever."

 

"I coulda been bad," Helen disputed, but didn't pursue it as Sam put a hand on her shoulder.  

 

"But you're not anymore and you never will be ever again," Tony smiled at the boy he called his brother now.  "And when we're big, Mom and Dad will still be Mom and Dad.  They promised.  And Steve and Darcy don't break promises.  Never if they can help it."

 

"Yeah," Bucky nodded.  He blinked back tears and asked hopefully, "You won't hate me when I'm big?"

 

"No, I couldn't ever hate you again," Tony said earnestly.  "You're my brother."

 

"It'd be nice to be big again to protect Ma," Bucky admitted, wiping away at his eyes.  "And if they're making a baby in the closet right now, then that baby'll need big protectors too."

 

"Nats protect baby brover," Natasha nodded eagerly.

 

"We all will," Helen agreed readily.  "And if I'm big, then I can marry Cookiebutt!  And you know, be a doctor and stuff and make sure Mommy and the baby are super healthy."

 

"See, not so bad," Sam agreed.

 

"Stuff it Wilson, you've been a kid for like, three weeks," Tony grumbled.

 

"Yeah, stuff it Wilson," Bucky chuckled.

 

"I hate you guys," Sam rolled his eyes at them, but still smiled just a bit, knowing that the temporary melancholia had lifted if Tony and Bucky could tell him to stuff it.  "Okay, come on guys.  Kid wash machine.  Let's do this before your parents get home and see what a mess I let you guys make of yourselves.  NATS, stop eating sprinkles off of Bucky's face.  That's DISGUSTING."

 

"Stuff it Wilson!" Nats shouted back.  "Stuff it or Nats'll stuff it for you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I forgot to add that the Steve and Darcy in a closet scene is a crossover with my other fic, Heroes get Remembered Legends Never Die. Because I am a nerd that can't leave things be.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	29. Christmas Traditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas in this universe is a multi-chapter event. We'll probably be celebrating Christmas well into February at this point. Which I don't mind at all. Viva La Christmas!

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Christmas Traditions**

 

* * *

 

 

For someone who never had a traditional family growing up, Darcy Lewis had a lot of Christmas traditions that she needed to jam pack into the week leading up to the actual day of Christmas.  Maria Hill was collecting so many future favors from the Avengers for running security on all of the family excursions, that she  _ technically _ now owned the Avengers for at least two years into the future.  Agent Sanchez now had so much overtime pay that he was able to make a down payment on that summer home in the Hamptons that his husband had once only dreamed about.

 

It was rather nice for all of the SHIELD and Avengers-adjacent families though, because whatever Darcy wanted to do with her family, it was automatically opened up to all families that wanted to participate.  It was a lot easier to defend an entire train ride of five hundred people if the train were completely purchased out and stuffed to the gills with families that already had the security clearance to be near the five de-aged adults.  

 

Seven days before Christmas had the little family boarding that train about an hour away from base.  Steve had been just as gobsmacked by the whole affair as the children.  The train was refurbished and decorated to look like a Polar Express train, with decadent little booths that he, Darcy and the five kids had jammed themselves into before being served with hot chocolate and cookies by dancing and singing waiters.  

 

When Santa and Mrs. Claus had finally made their appearance at the end of the train ride, Steve had been rushing to keep up with the four smallest of his kids as they tried to make a run for the fat man in red.  While Natasha was usually very well behaved when dealing with other children (calling anyone under the age of 12  _ baby _ and cooing at them like  _ they _ were the adorable toddler and not  _ her _ ), this time, she was putting grownup skills to use as she easily weaved her way in and out and around the other kids who were lining up to say hello to Santa Claus.  

 

“Nats!” Steve called out when another little boy around the age of nine stumbled as Natasha darted between his legs to get to Santa before anyone else.  “Nats, get back here, right now!  We have to wait in line.”

 

“No.”  

 

The succinct little answer was matter of fact and resolute.  Under no circumstances would she be waiting, rudeness be damned.  Steve sighed and nodded down at Bucky, who was keeping pace with Steve as they chased after the tiny red head. 

 

Bucky grinned up at Steve and nodded, “I got her,  _ old man _ .”

 

“Smartass,” Steve grumbled after Bucky took off like a little rocket after Natasha.

 

“Oyyyyy!” Helen’s scolding sound echoed behind him.  “Mommy, Daddy was very rude to Bucky behind his back.  That’s so not nice.”

 

“I’ll put him on a time out later,” Darcy promised, and Steve could hear the little smirk in her voice from ten feet away.  Steve never really minded timeouts from Darcy.  

 

“No, not if that means no  _  oh hell sweethearts! _ ,” Helen automatically whined.  “Just cause you’re not oval lately anymore, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep trying every day!”

 

“Inside voice, Hells,” Sam whispered as other adults snorted with laughter and gave Darcy well-meaning smiles.  

 

“Daddy!  My cookiebutt boyfriend is trying to oppress my opinions!” Helen tattled.  “You told me and Nats that any man that tried to make us quiet when he had opinions to give was a  _ jerkwad _ !”

 

“Yeah, he’s a burnt cookiebutt JERKWAD!” Tony sing-songed loudly.

 

“Your goatee is smudged with hot chocolate, Iron Lad,” Sam grumbled.

 

“Your face is still---- _ your  _ face,” Tony shot right back.  He reached out and patted Sam’s arm and nodded with as much insolent condolence that he possibly could.  “I hate to break it to you, Cookiebutt, but I think the face might be  _ permanent _ .”

 

“I hate you,” Sam grumbled.

 

“Hey,” Darcy piped up, just as Tony was about to retaliate.

 

“I---I don’t actually hate you,” Sam admitted.  “You’re just super annoying.”

 

“Tony,” Darcy nudged him.

 

“Ditto,” Tony shot the teenager finger guns.  

 

“You and Barnes are two peas in a pod,” Sam wrinkled his nose in annoyance.  “And I  _ hate _ peas.”

 

“Ditto,” Tony repeated.

 

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Sam pointed out.

 

“Ditto,” Tony nodded.

 

“Ditto,” Helen giggled.

 

“Ditto,” Bucky called out dutifully, knowing that just saying the word drove Sam nuts.  It wasn’t a hard task to accomplish, to be sure, but it was an awful lot of fun.

 

“Ditto!” Natasha called out as Bucky hauled her back to the family’s place in line.  She had no problem with being slung over Bucky’s left shoulder whatsoever.  It was usually her preferred method of transportation if Steve’s arms weren’t available.  She twisted her little body to grin at Sam playfully.

 

“Why’d you not kick him and run to Santa?” Sam wondered.

  
“Fat man not Santa,” Natasha whispered, looking around to make sure none of the other kids could hear her.  The baby would never want to spoil anyone else’s fun.  “Nats check.  And got candy cane now.”

 

She held up her fists, which each held about half a dozen red and white striped candy canes.  She allowed each of her siblings to take one after Bucky placed her on the ground.  She then looked up to Steve with an arched little eyebrow and demanded,

 

“When Nats’ll see real Santa?”

 

Steve blinked down at her with his most neutral face before shrugging and then looking to Darcy, who appeared gobsmacked as well.  

 

“Soon, Nats,” Sam came to their rescue, thankfully.  “He’s busy, you know, since Christmas is less than a week away.”

 

“Oh---okay,” Natasha nodded, handing her candy cane to Bucky to be unwrapped.  “Nats’ll find him a’morrow.”

 

* * *

 

 

Steve very clearly remembered witnessing a conversation between Agent Sanchez and Clint and a few other SHIELD agents a few years prior, where they were, not exactly complaining, but more like commiserating over married life.  Steve knew at the time that they were all married, even if he had only just found out about Clint’s secret life on the farm.  

 

“So, I walk in the door, and all I’m looking for is a little comfort.  A little  _ married _ comfort,” Clint had sighed.  “And the next thing I know, I got a newborn strapped to me in a Tony Stark designed baby bjorn and I’m pulling the tractor around for a damned hayride for Coopers eleventh birthday.”

 

“Really, just go with the flow,” Agent Sanchez had advised him at the time.  “I bet you complained.”

 

“I did,” Clint wrinkled his nose.

 

“See, you’re lucky you’re away from home for over six months out of the year,” Sanchez smirked.  “Just go with the flow.  Just keep repeating it over and over again till it sticks.   _ Yes. Dear. _ ”

 

Steve had never thought he’d need to use that advice he had eavesdropped on, but as they inched closer and closer to Christmas, he certainly did.  

  
Six days before Christmas had Darcy making him dress in his uniform and a Santa hat before dragging him onto a quinjet with the kids who were all dressed as elves.  A short ride later found them at  Children’s Hospital, where she had given him a lovely kiss and a gigantic red sack full of presents.  

 

“Love you,” Darcy smiled up at him as she adjusted the Santa hat on his head.  Her eyes skirted to the right, where Natasha was staring up at them with little hearts in her eyes.  Darcy kissed him again for good measure and then patted him on his rear end.  “Be good out there.”

 

“Yes dear,” Steve answered dutifully, then went out to the little lobby that the hospital staff had set up to distribute toys to the sick children with the help of four energetic children and one mostly energetic teenager.  He watched as Darcy walked around to the parents alongside Pepper Potts, talking quietly and listening intently.

 

It was a strange thing, but every set of parents that Pepper and Darcy talked to would inevitably break down in tears towards the end of the conversation.  Steve was puzzling over it in between all the pictures that he was snapping with the kids and their new Starkpads.  

 

“It’s cause I asked the beautiful carrot haired sea witch to do me a favor,” Tony told him as Steve fished out the last wrapped gift.   Bucky grabbed for it and he and Nats went to the last child, sitting in a wheelchair and gave it to her.  

 

“What did you ask for?” Steve knelt next to Tony and adjusted the little elf ears he wore, but fought back the urge to fix a smudge on the boy’s painted on goatee.  

 

“To pay for their bills,” Tony shrugged, as if it were no big deal.

 

“You---you’re paying for their bills?” Steve said quietly.

 

“Yeah, cause---you know,” Tony put up his hands and waved his fingers, as if that was a coherent response.

 

It was, for Steve.  He smiled at the little boy warmly and pulled him into a strong hug.  He couldn’t help but grin as Tony melted into it a little, letting out a happy and contented smile.  Steve placed a kiss against Tony’s temple and let him out of the hug, but still had his hands on Tony’s shoulders as he looked down at him with pride and love.  

 

“It’s because Bucky told you that story about how we had to cancel Christmas the one year I got sick?” Steve said knowingly.  

 

“And your mom had to work extra to pay for your medicine,” Tony nodded.  “Doesn’t seem right at all.  They shouldn’t got to worry about money and bills, they should only worry about making the people they love feel good.”

 

“You’re a good little man, Tony Stark,” Steve smiled down at him proudly, his hands squeezing his shoulders to convey just how much he meant it.  “I’m very proud of you.”

 

Tony’s grin was bigger and wider than anything Steve had ever seen before, bigger than when he had successfully married Steve and Dacy, bigger than when he had successfully tricked Clint into the slingshot arrows Tony had designed (that had made the arrow the slingshot and somehow caused Clint to be the rock ammo that was thrown across the room), and bigger than when he and Bucky had successfully added itching powder to Sam’s underpants.  Steve placed another kiss on his forehead before Tony finally settled down to Earth and shrugged Steve away a little, turning with red cheeks to see Pepper standing right behind him with tears in her eyes.

 

“HEY!  What’re you doin’ you eavesdropping, gorgeous business wench?!?” Tony demanded.  

 

“Someone over there would like to hug you,” Pepper told him softly.  “I told them you’d prefer if they shot finger guns at you.”

 

“God, you’re so perfect and annoying, I can’t deal with you!” Tony heaved out an exasperated sigh before following Pepper anyway.

 

Darcy came back to Steve then and smiled up at him winningly.

 

“This was lovely,” Steve nodded.

 

“It’s important that as much as we’re spoiling them, they should also get to feel good about doing good things,” Darcy explained.  “Sorry I didn’t give you the details, I was afraid you wouldn’t want to play Santa.”

 

“Sweetheart, if you want me to dress up like a ballerina, I’ll do it,” Steve promised her, reaching out for her and giving her a big hug, loving the way she fit against him so well.  He took deep breaths as her head rested against the star on his uniform.  He could have stayed like that forever, but soon Darcy’s head was moving back and forth and he knew she was taking a mental count of their kids.

 

Sam was talking video games with a few of the sick kids.  Tony was shooting finger guns at grateful families with Pepper.  Bucky and Natasha were playing with a set of lego blocks with a bunch of other kids.  But Helen was nowhere to be found.

 

“Oh no,” Steve’s eyes widened and both he and Darcy immediately went into motion.  

 

“Got her Cap,” Sanchez motioned on the other side of the room towards a hallway.  He was standing and smirking, and Steve and Darcy soon saw why.

 

Helen was standing at the nurse’s station, or more accurately standing  _ on _ the nurse’s station, and she was wagging her finger and giving what looked like a bossy speech.

 

“Look, I don’t want to be bossy, but I’m gonna, you nurses are the best thing about hospitals like this, cause really you know what’s goin’ on!  And Nurse Emily over there said that she didn’t want to say something cause the doctor wouldn’t listen, but that’s just not good.  You gotta stand your ground and bash them in the face with knowledge until they listen!”

 

Darcy poked at Steve’s midsection.  Helen definitely got her speech making skills from Steve.  The little girl had been witness to Steve making speeches for quite a bit of time now.  Darcy had teased that Helen had been taking notes.  

 

“Just cause Dr. Doofus says to observe, you tell him you did observe and Davie doesn’t need more a moxie calling, he needs the doodallydids.”

 

The nurses, who had been onboard with the tiny tot bossily telling them how to handle their doctors, looked confused as Helen began picking up clipboards and mangling all kinds of condition names and drug names alike.  She then began shouting diagnoses, and the nurses began to take notes.

 

“Little ballbuster, she is,” Nurse Emily smiled at Steve and Darcy a little bit later.  

 

“Yup, that’s my girl,” Steve couldn't help but grin.  “She’s gonna change the world.”

 

* * *

 

 

Five days before Christmas found them back in Manhattan for the day.  Bucky had pushed him into a car driven by Happy, leaving Darcy and the other kids behind at Stark Towers, where they were signed up to do more charity work, with Darcy, the kids and some Stark employees setting up a Christmas wrapping station in the middle of the retail floor of the Tower, with all proceeds going to a local soup kitchen.  

 

Steve hadn’t minded being pushed away from the big tables filled with giant rolls of wrapping paper.  He took too long in wrapping presents, something Darcy had been teasing him for in their own attempts to wrap the mountains of presents for their kids every night.  Bucky had led him away, but had longingly looked at all of the fancy ribbons and bows that Natasha and Helen were currently covering each other in, and attempting to place on Sam, who looked as if he was having none of it.

 

“I’ll get a bunch of them for you,” Tony promised Bucky.  “Your car’s waiting, dude.”

 

Steve had been befuddled as Bucky worked at the little wet bar in the back of the limo, taking a thermos of what smelled like the homemade hot chocolate that Darcy had made daily for everyone since the weather had started to dip below the fifty degree mark.   He poured the contents of the thermos into two travel mugs, then added a cinnamon stick to one, as well as a metal fistful of marshmallows.  To the other travel mug, he added a generous splash of Bailey’s irish cream, and a smaller amount of marshmallows.  

 

He then turned to Steve and handed him the one without the Baileys.

 

“Pal,” Steve gave him a strongly arched eyebrow.

 

“I’m only kidding, Pop,” Bucky laughed, but still did take a tiny sip of the spiked hot chocolate, making a face at the alcohol and handing it happily to Steve.  

 

“Where are we headed?  Did you wanna go and get your Ma something nice?” Steve wondered.

 

“Nah, I already got that taken care of,” Bucky waved him off.  “Friday the Explorer was so helpful for us kids.”

 

“Oh, I’ll just bet,” Steve said dryly, knowing what the kids were capable of when they had an  _ ever _ so helpful Friday on their side.  

 

The drive to 30 Rockefeller Center didn’t take long.  They had barely gotten two sips of their cocoa in before Bucky was tugging on the little glove that would expertly mask his metal arm, then yanked Steve from the car.  They somehow managed to blend in.  Bucky looked like any other normal little boy, and the crowd was so thick with all kinds of humanity, that no one really spared  a glance Steve’s way.  The baseball cap, while derided by everyone else, really was a good enough cover in such a crowded place.

 

Bucky led Steve through the crowd, and finally found a little bench to park it on.  Steve sat next to the younger version of his best friend as realization dawned on him.  He stared down at Bucky in wonder as the little boy fished out a little ziploc baggie full of cookies that he must have had Darcy help him with that very morning.  They were thin, and looked crunchy, and promised to be delicious.

  
“Pecan sandies,” Steve smiled.

 

“Yup,” Bucky nodded.

 

“And the tree at Rockefeller Center,” Steve looked to the beautiful, large tree.  Hundreds of memories came flooding back into his brain.  He remembered coming in 1933, the first year that the tree had officially been lit.  He had led Bucky through the crowd, being smaller and more compact, and able to get around the massive throng of people.  They’d perched on a batch of pallets just off to the side as the tree was unveiled.  

 

They’d gone back every year after that, except for the terrible year that Steve had been felled with scarlet fever.  Steve loved being in a big crowd, there was always something interesting and beautiful to look at.  And Bucky had loved Christmas more than almost anything back then.  He still did, even as a small fry.  He’d spent a lot of time with Darcy (even more so than usual, which was already considerable), in the last month as they planned and decorated and organized.  

 

“You remember?” Steve shook his head in amazement.

 

“Yeah, most stuff,” Bucky admitted.  “Hells says it’s the serum.  Still working hard even if I’m little.  So even the little stuff I couldn’t remember a few months ago, I can remember now.”

 

“I’m so happy, pal,” Steve wrapped an arm around Bucky’s shoulders.  “You know, it doesn’t matter much to me if you want to stay small, Buck.”

 

They had talked about it the evening that Darcy and Steve had returned from shopping, or as Nats had nonsensically called it ‘ _ closet kissing’ _ .  The kids knew that they were just a few weeks away from the ability to be adults again.  Helen and Sam were the most excited.  Tony was downright  _ happy _ about the idea, talking all the time about his amazingly annoying beautiful witch lady and how much fun he’d still have with his Mom and Dad, even if he was a little older.  

 

Natasha and Bucky had been the most subdued about the news.  But they had both put on their bravest faces, and had let the other three of their crew chatter on excitedly.  They hadn’t said anything else after that.

 

“Open up your mouth and talk about it with me, please,” Steve urged gently.  All of the head doctors that Steve had consulted during Bucky’s initial recovery after Wakanda had suggested therapy.  The doctors Steve and Darcy had consulted after Bucky’s de-aging had suggested that while therapy might confuse the apparently well-adjusted little boy, talking would definitely be good.  But it was often difficult to get Bucky to talk without Darcy and Nats close by.

 

“Nats and I think we gotta be big,” Bucky said softly, those light blue eyes looking at the large tree intently.  

 

“Why do you think that, pal?” Steve blinked down at the little boy, marveling as the tiny, immature features took on emotions that were very grown up.

 

“We can protect Ma better if we’re big,” Bucky sighed, knowing Nats would be upset that he was admitting it to Steve.  “ ‘Specially if you guys really are gonna make a baby together.”

 

“Well, we  _ are _ going to be making the family bigger,” Steve promised, his gut turning over in that wonderfully pleasant way just thinking about it.  The idea of him having a family, of having a loving wife and beautiful kids and growing that family piece by precious little piece, made him so happy that he didn’t really think it was fair for the rest of the unlucky schmucks out there.  Darcy was his light and his life now, and together they would hold together their family when the kids were back to their adult selves...or even if two of the quintet decided they didn’t want to take the express lane to adulthood.  “But Buck, you don’t have to be a grownup if you don’t want to.”

 

“Pop, there are four teams of eight in this crowd that Agent Sanchez deployed to watch us,” Bucky sighed, his eyes scanning the crowd and spotting each member of the security detail.  “And that’s for you and me, and we can protect ourselves.  When Ma is expecting a baby, they’ll be all kinds of bad guys out there trying to get her.  Nats and I both agree we can’t let that happen, so we’ll be big to protect her.”

 

“Bucky, when you kids were planning our wedding, your sweet little mother took down an old, mean, bad general that was bigger and stronger than her, and she sent him off of the planet to get pounded by the Hulk,” Steve revealed.  

 

“ _ What _ ?” Bucky blinked up at him in astonishment.  They hadn’t known what Steve and Darcy had been doing when the kids had been planning their Manhattan wedding.  If they had known, Nats would probably go out of her mind with worry.  

 

“She did all that, beat me to the bad guy and just, whooped him,” Steve smiled in fond remembrance.  “And she did all that  _ for you _ .  And for Nats.  And for Tony.  And for Helen.  One of the reasons I love your Ma so much, is how tough she is.  Life gets tough, and your Ma gets tougher.  Believe me when I tell you, that she loves you, and when she loves you, she’s gonna move the very Earth beneath a person’s feet in order to protect you.”

 

“But me and Nats should protect  _ her _ ,” Bucky blinked back tears.  Because he knew that Steve was right.  His sweet little mother did love him so much and she’d do anything to keep him happy and safe.

 

“Buck, pal, my perfect little man, maybe, just maybe, it’s time for you to let someone protect you and Nats,” Steve said softly.  “If any two people on Earth deserve a second chance at going through life the right way, it’s you and Natasha.”

 

Bucky shrugged in response, not willing to say outloud that Steve was right.  

 

“You have until after Christmas to think about it,” Steve said softly.  “You and Nats can talk together about it all you want.  But don’t think for one second that you  _ have  _ to grow up to protect your Ma.  First off, that’s not even  _ my _ job, your Ma is plenty capable of protecting herself, and letting me help her a little bit every once in awhile.  If you want to grow up the old fashioned way, I will be with you every single step of the way.”

 

“Thanks, Pop,” Bucky whispered.  He heaved a little sigh, his shoulders looking a little bit lighter as he leaned his head against Steve’s bicep.  “I really love you.”

  
“I really love you too, Buck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky feels always make me sniffly. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	30. Operation Bag the Man With A Bag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what my legacy will be in this Darcy fandom. The author who refuses to let Christmas die. VIVA LA CHRISTMAS.

**Chapter Thirty: Operation Bag the Man With A Bag**

* * *

  


Natasha had so far seen four different Santas.  The polar express Santa, the mall Santa, the Santa that had been ringing a Salvation Army bell outside of the commissary, and Scott Lang in a risque _sexy_ Santa outfit.  He had given no explanation to Darcy, who had discovered him in the hallway outside of their quarters.  She had screamed in indignation at the sight of it, and Scott had heard tiny feet of ex-Russian assassins echoing in the apartment and done the right thing and made a run for it, but Natasha had glimpsed the red speedo, santa hat and white felt beard.  She had safely added him to the list of _not really_ Santa’s that she had seen so far.

 

The day before Christmas Eve, Maria had listened in on Darcy complaining to Barton about the whole Santa business with the kids.  Bucky and Tony still believed in Santa as well, and they trusted Natasha totally in her ability to see if Santa was real or not.  Clint had told her that Cooper believed in Santa until he was eleven, and it had been Lila who had ruined it for him.  Luckily, Cooper had believed that the mall Santa was real before Lila had told him that Santa was actually Mom and Dad, and then taken video surveillance as proof.   A seven year old Lila had unfortunately realized that the mall Santa was also their mail carrier, moonlighting for some extra holiday cash.

 

But now, both of his older children were avidly trying to keep the dream alive for a very perceptive Nathaniel, who would unceremoniously try to debunk any and all people in costume.  While in Disney, Nathaniel had somehow managed to knock off eight characters, in that he literally knocked off the heads of Goofy, and Donald and other characters spotted throughout the park.  

 

Natasha had hugged him extra hard when they'd parted ways, as if she was proud of him.

 

On the day before Christmas Eve, Darcy stole the large conference room that was usually used for debriefs and set it up to look like a Winter Wonderland, with fluffy snow clouds hanging from the ceiling.  She had invited a large number of people to a cookie exchange, where you brought in a few dozen cookies and got to fill a platter in kind, getting a wide variety of cookies to get you through the next few busy Christmas Days.

 

Davie, the retired SHIELD agent stock boy from the commissary had an Italian wedding cookie half bitten when the latest Santa walked through the door.  He choked in laughter and hit it pretty well with _literal_ choking on the cookie.

 

"DAVIE! DAVIE DO YOU NEED THE HIMITCH MAN HOOVER?" Helen fretted from her place where she was carefully placing cookies on her little family's platter, being extra special careful (with Sammy's help) to keep the cookies as separate as she possibly could.

  


"I'm okay," he gasped out, staring at the front door.

 

Maria Hill was striding through, dressed in a traditional Santa outfit, complete with beard and hat. Helen clapped in joy when she saw what Davie had been looking at.  She bounced on the balls of her feet and turned to Sam.

 

"Cookiebutt, lookit!  Lookit!  Mommy got a lady Santa to visit us!" Helen squealed.

 

Sam followed Helen's obnoxious pointing finger and his eyes widened at what he was fairly certain was the Director of Operations of the Avengers base.  She was dressed in the red and white suit, and even had some fluffy padding on her normally flat stomach.  The beard looked extra itchy, and the expression of the 'Lady Santa', was one that looked irritated and annoyed.

 

Just like Maria Hill usually looked when having to deal with Sam, actually.  

 

"Uhm," Steve blinked at Maria from his place at the snack table, where he was eating more than his fair share of soft pretzel rods that Tony had had delivered.  Tony was standing on a chair next to Steve, his own mouth stuffed full of a soft pretzel coated in absolutely awful cheddar cheese sauce that was probably the most delicious substance on all of Midgard.

 

"Holy crap, did you have a big lunch?" Tony wondered around a mouthful of pretzel and cheese as he pointed another pretzel stick at Maria’s gut.

 

"Cram it, Stark," Maria muttered.  She went to the big red bag on her shoulder and pulled out a badly wrapped gift.  

 

Steve blinked at it again, knowing pretty easily what was inside.

 

"You are NOT giving my kids lumps of coal for Christmas," he said resolutely.

 

"Rude!" Tony gasped.  "I've been extra good lately."

 

"These are from real Santa, they're a warning," Maria said resolutely.  

 

"Hill," Steve warned.  He appreciated everything Director Hill was doing for them security wise, and he knew that they hadn't made it easy on her by staying on base.  It would have probably been wiser to take all the kids out to an isolated safe house and spent the last five months there, but that would have meant Darcy going alone with a security force and leaving Steve at the base.

 

And that wouldn't have been an option from day one of them caring for the kids jointly.  Eight hours after the quartet had been shrunken back to childhood, Steve and Darcy were already a team, a total parenting unit.  And if Steve hadn't of had these past months working with Darcy in taking care of the kids, he highly doubted he'd be happily married at that moment, and certainly not trying to conceive with his beautiful bride.  So even though they'd been a pain to Maria, Steve would do it again, because what he had gotten in return for the inconvenience dealt Maria had certainly been worth it.

 

But no amount of gratitude towards the woman would forgive her for trying to ruin Christmas for the kids.  It was their last hurrah.  Pym had told them yesterday that they would be ready to age Sam back three days after Christmas.  Darcy and Steve would gladly turn a blind eye to any and all naughty antics the kids got into in order to give them the best Christmas any of them had ever had.

 

"The real Santa knows what the four of you are doing," Maria looked intently at Tony.

 

"I didn't do anything!" Helen claimed from a few feet away, sounding very guilty indeed.

 

"Hey!  That's classified lady!" Tony insisted, his voice rising.  

 

Maria rolled her eyes, knowing well what would happen next.  Any time Tony or Helen raised their voice even just past normal volume, suddenly a six year old and two year old assassin would melt out of the woodwork and scare the pants out of whoever the raised voice had been aimed at.

 

Tiny Bucky Barnes wasn't so bad, he was just the backup, really.  The mighty mini-murder princess had made four seasoned agents wet their pants in the last month for supposed slights against her siblings.  Maria turned and sure enough, Bucky was standing behind Natasha, all of the children were dressed in matching sweaters that made them look like Gingerbread men, adorably enough.  And yet, Natasha's gingerbread man didn't have gumdrop buttons like the other kids.  Her sweater had little mock plastic grenades where the buttons had once been.  

 

"Romanoff," Maria said briskly.

 

"Not Santa," Natasha debunked quickly, as if it were laughable.

 

"If you four don't stop doing what you're trying to do, you're going to get this coal instead of presents," Maria warned.

 

"Hey, you're not giving my kids COAL, Hill," Steve insisted.  He then thought better of it and wondered, "What are they trying to do?"

 

"Trap Santa," Maria tattled succinctly.

 

"WELL I NEVER!" Tony gasped indignantly.

 

"What's going on?" Darcy came over from where she had been having a nice conversation with Laura, who had been transported via quinjet with her kids that morning to exchange presents with the rest of their Avenger's family before running back to the farm for a private family Christmas.  

 

"Sharon says the CIA got a blip of a plan to take over ninety-three percent of the satellites covering Earth," Maria continued.  “It was untraceable.  And only one person on the face of the planet can make a signal that untraceable.”

 

"Tony!" Darcy gasped.

 

"THIS IS NUTRAGEOUS!" Tony gasped again.  "I AM APE BALLED AT THIS VICIOUS SLENDER!"

 

"Tony," Bucky sighed.  "I told you not to do the satellites, we can't trap Santa."

 

"Shhhhhh," Natasha hissed at Bucky then rattled something off in Russian.

 

"I'll deliver the real Santa to you on Christmas morning, when he's done with his work," Maria announced.  "So long as you don't keep trying to take over the satellites AND build drones with the capability of using FORCE FIELDS to trap his sleigh and bring him to base forcefully."

 

"I didn't do ANYTHING!" Helen whined from the sidelines, CLEARLY lying.

 

Natasha stared up at Maria shrewdly, and was about to say something probably obnoxious and adorable before the doors to the conference room were kicked open and another Santa strode through into the room.  Another Lady Santa, according to Sam.  This one was even more slight and smaller than Maria, and she had a bag full of lumpy rocks as well.

 

"Mommy, you got a lady Asian Santa for me! YAY!" Helen called out.  "Repent and sensation matters!"

 

Natasha's eyes squinted in recognition and she stood in front of this new Santa, looking up discerningly.  The rest of the kids waited, wondering if this was the Santa that would pass muster and be deemed the real Santa.  Maybe they'd finally gone too far and were going to be punished despite the fact that their parents didn't really want them to be punished.

 

"You is not Santa," Natasha whispered.  "Nats knows you."

 

"I come with a warning from real Santa," the new arrival insisted.  

 

Steve put his face in his hands, realizing who it was and who had sent her.

 

"You have to stop this nefarious plan to send drones after Santa's sleigh to bring him down," Lady Asian Santa insisted.  "Or all you'll get is this bag of coal."

 

Natasha pursed pouty little lips and finally nodded.

 

"You is Mulan, Nats listen at Mulan," she declared.  She looked to Tony and cut two chubby fingers through the air.  

 

Tony wrinkled his nose and looked up at the ceiling, "Hola Friday the Explorer."

 

"Hola and Feliz Navidad, El Jefe!" Friday chirped back.

 

"Cancel Operation Bag the Man with the Bag, please," Tony said sadly.  "Cause we're not supposed to shoot things into the sky anymore."

 

"Anymore?" Darcy blinked owlishly.  

 

To his credit, Steve winced in annoyance.  He knew not telling Darcy about the time he had caught Tony, Bucky and Nat trying to launch rockets into the air with a dummy body that was relatively shaped and weighted like Helen was a bad idea.

 

Natasha was done with the conversation and grabbed Melinda May’s (aka Lady Asian Santa, aka _Mulan_ ) hands and took her towards the candy and dessert table, chattering on about Mulan and how to defeat Huns if she had to.  Coulson had obviously sent her, not t trick the kids into believing she was Santa, but because Agent May had also moonlighted as Mulan at Disney, and Natasha would _always_ listen to Mulan.

 

Maria smirked at Steve and retrieved two of the biggest lumps of coal out of the bag and handed it to each him and Darcy.

 

"When you get her knocked up, Rogers, I'm going to require that you two attend parenting classes in the nine months leading up to the probably super powered birth of the future agent of chaos and righteousness.  The classes are all going to be focusing on discipline."

 

* * *

 

 

Christmas Eve had the small family visiting the local home for the elderly after a stop at a local restaurant with all you can eat breakfast (that Darcy tipped handsomely for thanks to the rather large appetites of the kids who could eat for free and Steve, of course).  

 

For every children’s hospital that Steve and the Avengers had visited for morale, they had also made a much less publicized visit to a senior care hospice, trying to spread some cheer.  For Steve, it had always been eye opening.  Most of the people in the care centers had been born _after_ he had been born.  

 

And Sammy was currently having a field day, going through the common room of the seniors’ home and asking everyone’s age.  He’d then report it back to Steve and Bucky gleefully, because he’d not yet found anyone that was older than the two of them.  

 

“That guy over there?  He’s eighty-nine,” Sam reported, waving at the wheelchair bound man who was currently flirting with Natasha.  To her credit, she was doing some ballet, choreographing her own version of the Nutcracker, accompanied by Darcy diligently plunking out a slow version with another of the residents, this one a sassy eighty-three year old with bright blue hair.  Helen had been engaged by one of the nurse’s, who was humoring the four year old that wanted to go over everyone’s charts.

 

“He looks good for his age,” Steve nodded, refusing to give Sam the satisfaction of being annoyed with his antics.

 

Sam huffed out in annoyance before going to look again, determined to find someone who would annoy Steve and Bucky.  

 

“We’re real lucky, huh?” Bucky asked softly.  

 

“What’s that pal?”  Steve wondered, having been caught spacing out while staring at his wife as she laughed with her piano pal.

 

“We’re real lucky,” Bucky repeated.  “We’re so old.”

 

Steve wanted to laugh at the statement coming from the _six-year-old_ .  But he couldn’t.  There had been a lot of days since waking up from the ice where Steve had felt so old and lonely and _alone._ Granted, he hadn’t felt like that for months now.  Now he had his beautiful wife and their amazing kids.  Before Erskine, he’d always felt weaker and sicker and older than he was.  After Erskine, he had the weight of the war on his shoulders and felt like he had no future other than fighting.  Even after waking up, he’d still felt like, jumping from fight to fight to fight.

 

He finally felt like a young man with his entire life ahead of him, a happy and joyous life filled with love and excitement.  He grinned at Darcy when she ended one song and turned to grin at him, blowing him a kiss as her piano friend brought out different sheet music.  

 

Bucky was right.  They were so lucky.  

 

“I think I want to come here more, Pop,” Bucky nodded.  “Can we do it once a week?  Spend some time with people who might be lonely?”

 

“I think that’s a great plan, Buck,” Steve reached down and wrapped a hand around Bucky’s shoulders, pulling him into  his legs for a strong hug.

 

“FOUND ONE!”  Sam crowed.  He pushed a wheelchair carefully towards Steve and Bucky, mindful of the oxygen tank and breathing tubes.  “This is Estelle, she’s one hundred and one years old!”

 

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Estelle’s chuckle was raspy and well weathered.  Deep brown eyes stared up at Steve then looked to Bucky.  “You stood me up, James Barnes.”

 

“Huh?” Bucky blinked owlishly at the older woman.

 

“Estelle Vaccarro,” Steve breathed out in astonishment.  He laughed, long and hard as Estelle smiled at him in sardonic amusement.  “You stood her up back in ‘41! On account of me having an asthma attack, remember?”

 

“Oh geez, I’m sorry,” Bucky said softly.  He gave the elderly woman an earnest little smile and shrugged.  “I always meant to explain---”

 

“But then Pearl Harbor,” Estelle nodded.  “And you got drafted in ‘42.  And then all of it went to hell.”

 

“Yeah,” Bucky said sheepishly.  He smirked a little, looking like a miniature version of himself from 1941.  “How’s about I stop by again next week?  We’ll bring some movies to watch and have our date then?”

 

“If you stand me up this time, I AM gonna sell that story to the tabloids this time, Mister.”

 

* * *

 

 

Christmas Eve night was another one of Darcy’s traditions.  Each of the kids got to open a special gift of cozy, new pajamas, along with one small toy.  She surprised Steve with a stack of clementine oranges and a big bowl full of old-fashioned peppermints and nougat candy.  Steve surprised all of the with a big box he had managed to hide under the bed for the last three weeks.  

 

It was a gigantic train set, and Tony had been so happy to set it up, he’d done an excited little dance on the spot.  They had Chinese food delivered and spent the rest of the night building the train, eating oranges and listening to Christmas music.  Half an hour before scheduled bed-time, Darcy put her hands to her cheeks in an overly dramatic gesture and Nats and Bucky immediately went on high alert.

 

“Oh _no!_ ” Darcy gasped like a bad soap opera actress, causing Steve to bite back a chuckle.  “We forgot cookies for Santa!”

 

“But we got a dozen of those yucky granola ones that Wanda and Vision brought to the exchange,” Tony reminded her helpfully.  “They aren’t flammable, I tried, so we might as well give ‘em to Santa.”

 

“Tony, we can’t give those to Santa,” Helen insisted.  “He’ll get food poisoning and need his stomach pumped up!”

 

“Well, I think I have some dough resting in the fridge, and we could bake them up,” Darcy said with the same awful dramatics she had been using.

 

Steve had to suppress a giggle, because his wife was a terrible actress and an even worse liar.  He was sure that if she _had_ to she could manage some kind of subterfuge, but it was really refreshing to have the most important person in his life be completely incapable of telling lies.  

 

“And put candy on ‘em?” Nats asked in a whisper, real excitement tinging her voice.

 

“Absolutely, baby,” Darcy grinned.

 

Steve manned the cleanup station as Darcy worked her magic with the kids, rolling out cookie dough and cutting out shapes.  Helen and Sam just wanted traditional Christmas hats and stockings.  Tony played with the cutters for ten minutes before he designed a complex three dimensional cookie that would stand up like a real Santa’s sleigh.  Bucky had simply requested the circles so he could make them beautiful ornaments once iced up.  

 

And Natasha had requested the candy cane cookie cutter, of course.  

 

Bedtime was pushed back as the kids ate more candy than what actually wound up on the cookies. In the end, the yawns started ninety minutes past bedtime, just as Darcy set the best of the cookies on a plate carefully next to a glass of milk, allowing the rest on the rack to dry.  Even Natasha was tuckered out, thanks to the inevitable sugar crash.  Steve and Darcy had been allowing her to over indulge all day, waiting for that moment just after brushing her teeth where her head began to waver back and forth sleepily as everyone marched to bed.

 

There was some kind of magic in the air, the air outside was quiet and soft, and Steve suspected they would have a little bit of the white stuff to wake up to on Christmas morning.  

 

“We gotta note,” Bucky mumbled sleepily, trying to get up and retrieve it.  

 

“Where is it, pal?” Steve wondered, gently pushing Bucky down on the bed and tucking his fleece blanket around him as Bucky reached out his right hand for Natasha, who gripped it in her sleep.  He followed Bucky’s pointing left hand and opened the bedside table, unsurprised to find extra candy, a few cookies they had _just_ baked, with the dripping white icing falling onto a piece of construction paper covered in scribbles and sloppy print.

 

“We’ll make sure it’s next to Santa’s cookies,” Darcy promised, leaning down and kissing Bucky’s puckered lips with a loud smack.  She kissed both of his cheeks for good measure, before moving on to Natasha and doing the same.  

 

“It was a nice day, Dad,” Tony whispered, as Steve moved on from Bucky towards Tony.  

 

“Tomorrow will be even better,” Steve nodded, kissing the boys forehead and tucking him in the black satin sheets more securely.  

 

“Promise?” Tony mumbled.

  
“Absolutely.”

 

* * *

 

 

Steve thought that he might get an opportunity for _Oh Hell Sweetheart_ since the kids had gone to sleep so easily.  He had hoped to gift Darcy with the bracelet that he had designed for her, and had made with the help of Pepper Potts.  It was a delicate charm bracelet, with each charm representing a member of their family.  A red ruby heart was attached at the clasp, and had been for her, the love and the warmth that kept them all together.  His was his shield, but instead of the star, it had that same little heart in the center.

 

Tony had been a little tool box charm in arc reactor blue.  He was their brilliant little tinkerer who tried to take over satellites to bring Santa down. Helen had been a tiny teddy bear with a stethoscope with a gold star decorating it’s tummy.  Steve had allowed Bucky to choose his own charm, and unsurprisingly, the little man had chosen a beautiful doll, with another little red heart in its hands.  

 

Natasha’s charm had been a no-brainer.  A piece of candy, uniting all the colors in its swirls, red and blue and yellow and white.  When Nats had seen it, Steve had had to tell her not to eat it, because her eyes had lit up.

 

It was to be a reminder when this lovely accident was over.  Whatever happened with their quest to create a new little life, they already had a family, no matter how old the kids ended up.  Steve wanted to give her something solid to look at that wasn’t a picture or a video, which they had plenty of already.  

 

But Steve wasn’t to give her the present on Christmas Eve, once Sam was even sleeping soundly, Steve had to run to strange and begin carting presents up and placing them under the tree.  Darcy was no slouch either, filling stockings, then starting in on preparing Christmas breakfast.  Steve was looking forward to the cinnamon rolls and overnight french toast.  And when that was done, she went right in on the last batch of presents that had arrived that morning and gone through security.  They could have had security wrap the presents, but Darcy had claimed that lazy and awful, and had insisted on doing it herself.

 

By the time they were finished, Darcy was swaying on her feet, and it was four in the morning.  

 

“Sweetheart,” Steve whispered as Darcy lingered at the closet door where she had just put away the remaining scotch tape.  “C’mon, bedtime.”

 

“Seems pointless,” Darcy rasped out.  “They’re gonna be up in like an hour.”

 

“Then it’s an hour of good sleep in our bed,” Steve insisted, picking her straight up and off her feet and carrying her to their bed.  She was passed out against his chest  and drooling before he could even get her under the covers.  He placed a kiss against her lips and held her tight, more than happy to finally get some sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

“Fuck you, Sammy,” Darcy muttered under her breath.  

 

It hadn’t been Nats or Hells or even Tony who had decided to wake up the whole family (Bucky would have never even been considered as a possibility, he would never ever deprive his sweet, loving Ma of sleep).  It had been the teenager, who couldn’t be dragged out of bed under any other circumstance.  He was currently clanging a wooden spoon on a frying pan up and down the hall.

 

Steve grunted  and checked the bedside clock.  It was five-thirty in the morning, at least a half hour more than what Darcy had thought they would be getting.  

 

“Rat bastard,” Darcy murmured against Steve’s chest as Sammy continued to bang his pot and scream about waking up for Christmas and presents and Santa.

 

“He’s just a kid, sweetheart,” Steve reminded her.

 

“A rat bastard kid,” Darcy huffed out.  “Can’t wait till his mother gets here today, maybe he’ll start behaving a little.”

 

“Sammy’s our best behaved kid,” Steve disputed as he clearly heard four different sets of feet hit the floor and start running towards the living room.

 

“Captain America, world class liar,” Darcy insisted, before whining as Steve sat up, bringing her with him.  “Okay, babe, I’m up, I’m up.”

 

Steve watched in amazement as Darcy pushed him back on the bed and rolled over him, something she always did instead of just getting out on her own side of the bed.  As always, he was tempted to make a grab for her before she ran off.  A quick trip to the bathroom and she kept on running the rest of the morning.  Steve was watching in absolute amazement as his wife popped breakfast into the oven, got coffee started for them, then set out the two cups of juice for Bucky and Helen, and the three cups of extra chocolatey chocolate milk for the other three kids, even Sam, who grinned and took the cup from her and downed the whole thing in two gulps.  She started a pot of old fashioned hot chocolate and set up a little bar of mugs and cream and marshmallows and peppermint sticks.  And then she metaphorically wrestled with Friday the Explorer to make sure all the surveillance was up so they could get great pictures and videos.

 

And she did all of that in the fifteen minutes it took Steve to wrestle the kids into the bathroom so that they would brush their teeth and wash their faces before trying to open presents.

 

Darcy and Steve had spent countless hours wrapping presents.  It took the five de-aged people in their family exactly twelve minutes to unwrap _everything_.  Nats and Bucky began ‘swimming’ in the sea of wrapping paper that Steve was trying and failing to clean up in time.  Darcy told him to leave it as she grabbed him to help her with breakfast.  

 

All five of the kids were missing when they returned with warm, iced cinnamon rolls and the french toast.  

 

“I smell icing!” Tony called out in excitement and suddenly five pairs of eyes were discernible in the sea of wrapping paper, bright eyed and eager and downright giddy with happiness.  

 

The knock on the door came fifteen minutes after Bucky had literally licked his plate clean, and Natasha stood up and shouted,

 

“ _SANTA!”_

 

On the other side of the door was Maria, dressed in civilian clothes, with an emerald green sweater, the closest thing she came to festive.  

 

“Suit up,” she advised with a smirk.

 

Coats and boots and gloves were thrown over pajamas, and the family trudged into the elevator bringing them outside into the lovely snow covered Christmas world.  Darcy looked to her husband with a furrowed brow, wordlessly asking if he knew what they were in for.  He could only helplessly shrug at her, not really knowing what was going on.  

 

“Ho ho ho, you little monsters.”

 

Darcy and Steve’s eyes went wide in surprise, because on the front lane of the facility, sitting in a very fancy, horseless and reindeer-less sleigh was Santa, aka Nick Fury.  Natasha ran up to the sleigh and looked up at him discerningly for exactly for one minute, as Nick Fury, eyepatch, white beard, red Santa hat, and _velvet_ Santa suit stared back down at her, one eyebrow arched in challenge.  After the end of sixty seconds, Nats’ eyes went wide and a brilliant grin stretched her chubby face.

 

“ _SANTA!!!!!”_ she screeched, clambering up onto the sleigh.

 

“Really?” Steve breathed out as Hells and Bucky quickly fell in line, accepting that the man in the sleigh was Santa, even though he was _clearly_ Nick Fury.  Tony was quick to follow Bucky, and even Sam finally shrugged, before getting into the sleigh as well.  

 

“Really,” Darcy whispered.  

 

“ _Really_ ,” Maria smirked.

 

“Who wants to go for a ride?  I got another quick trip on this old thing before I gotta get home to the Missus and bug out to somewhere tropical for a few months,” Santa Fury announced.  

 

“NATS DOES, SANTA!  NATS AND BUCKY!” Natasha jumped up and down in joy.  

 

“Just this once, we can all go,” Santa Fury nodded.  He gave a wink to Steve and Darcy as Bucky put Natasha in the little car seat that seemed to be pre-installed just for her.  Sam helped Helen and Tony with the buckles on their own safety seats and Maria stepped forward to cover them all in blankets.  “Say bye to Mommy and Daddy, we’ll be back in an hour or two, and would _love_ some hot cocoa for the road.”

 

“Okay,” Darcy blinked back at Santa Fury owlishly.  

 

“There are no reindeer,” Steve wondered curiously.  

“I have elves to upgrade things,” Santa Fury laughed as he turned a key and the hidden engine started.  The sleigh lifted up off the ground slowly, hovering in the air about two feet, to the absolute  _ delight _ of all the kids.  “Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.


	31. Lasting Impressions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I cried writing this. There are some feels ahead.

**Chapter Thirty-One: Lasting Impressions**

 

* * *

 

 

"You behave for these people, Samuel Wilson.  If I hear ONE word about you stepping even a fraction of a toe out of line---"

 

Darcy felt out of sorts as retired Captain Darlene Wilson, current Congresswoman, Sammy's mother, lectured the boy to within an inch of his life.  The former career military woman hadn't shown up for Christmas dinner as planned, stating that she had important business to complete in DC in her current career as politician.  She'd shown up the day after Christmas, after the little kids had gone down for bed.  She'd greeted Sam with an astonished hug at the smaller teenager, but then seemed to automatically regress to how she had treated Sammy when he actually WAS a teenager.

 

And maybe Darcy was too soft hearted and gullible and bad at discipline to understand what the single mother had been through with her son.  But she couldn't understand why the sensitive teenager should be treated like a hardened criminal when he'd not done anything wrong.  Pre-emptive discipline seemed to have worked in Sam's case, because Congresswoman Wilson raised a wonderful man.  But it chafed Darcy to see the teenage boy standing ramrod straight, awaiting punishment he certainly hadn't warranted.  

 

Congresswoman Wilson couldn't stay very long.  There was apparently a lot of important work to be done, and even if her son was once again a teenager, he would have to fend for himself.  Steve had cooked them up some brunch to go with a few baked leftover treats of Darcy's, and the three adults and five children ate in Steve's dining room table in awkward silence.  

 

Bucky had gone stiff at the sight of Sammy's mother.  She was former military, and currently exhibited the qualities of a smooth, domineering politician.  Natasha had been by Bucky's side since the first sighting of her, holding on to Bucky's left hand whenever she could.  Congresswoman Wilson wasn't a threat in the slightest, but her appearance and aura made Bucky remember other politicians and former military who had used him ill in the past.

 

Tony had been so nice to Sammy since Congresswoman Wilson had showed up.  A silent, resilient bond had formed now between the boys.  They both knew, after all, what it was like to grow up with an always absent, yet still domineering parent in their lives.  

 

And little Helen had been in a tizzy since Congresswoman Wilson's arrival.  She had been constantly and needlessly straightening the Captain's quarters they all called home, offering Sam's mother drinks and refreshments constantly, and even going so far as to try and offer the woman a cuddle with one of her various bird themed stuffed toys.  

 

Congresswoman Wilson had taken it all with cool civility, missing even the slightest hint of paternal indulgence that most people had when dealing with Helen.  She didn't rebuff her, but it was clear that she thought the little girl to be a slight annoyance.  Helen remembered feeling that way from being a grownup too, and didn't think that Sammy's mother liked her very much.

 

Darcy watched as Helen stared down at Madam Toucan Birdie, who had not been accepted for goodbye cuddles with Congresswoman Wilson.  She then looked to Sammy, and saw that the usual easy, loose boy that was always eager to help her wrangle the little kids into coats and scarves and mittens every morning was looking a little annoyed and upset with his mother..  

 

Steve wasn't there to say goodbye, unfortunately.  No man or woman could alter the timing of Maria Hill's security briefings.  Both of the young parents had thought Sammy's mother to be too abrasive in comparison to their parenting styles, but had agreed they shouldn't say anything, since Sam was Congresswoman Wilson's actual son, but Darcy felt Steve would encourage her speaking up at the moment.

 

"Sammy is a very good---"  

 

"I'm sure you think he is, and that's because he's had a lot of good years of regimen and discipline behind him," Congresswoman Wilson said smoothly, giving Darcy a look that seemed to try to reduce the young woman into half her size.  "I've noticed you're not exactly a fan of regimen and discipline, Miss Lewis."

 

"Mrs. Rogers," Darcy corrected smartly.  Out of the corner, she could see Bucky wrapping both arms around Natasha.  Darcy took one step to the side to have both Bucky and Natasha hidden behind her and she gave Congresswoman Wilson a glare that would have usually had any manner of SHIELD security agents, Hydra or otherwise, at least inwardly shaking with fear.  "And yes, it's clear that our parenting styles are different.  But Sammy is a good, helpful, intelligent young man, and there's no need to harass him into behaving.  He already does."

 

“Thanks to me,” Congresswoman Wilson arched a brow at the young woman.

 

“Right, and I appreciate the man you raised,” Darcy nodded.  “But you aren’t raising him this time around, you told Steve and I that he was  _ our _ responsibility this time around, and he doesn’t need to be yelled at or disciplined when he’s done nothing wrong.  Sammy is a wonderful young man…”

 

"Because I already managed to harass him into behaving the first time around," Congresswoman Wilson rolled her eyes in bemusement.  "This is a circular argument, Miss Lewis."

 

"Mrs.  _ Rogers _ ," Helen stood forward, her tone bossy and domineering.

 

"Watch your mouth, little girl," Congresswoman Wilson ordered.

 

Darcy took another step forward, in order to defend her sweet, bossy little daughter.  Sammy did the same, looking incensed as well, but Helen pushed at his legs and stood staring up at Congresswoman Wilson with a full force glare, Madam Toucan Birdie held in a fist that was sitting on her hip.

 

"LOOK LADY, I know you don't like me, I know you think that my Cookiebutt needs a Prize wife so he can follow in your boring footsteps and become a gross poll it stichin', but guess what?  That ain't happening!" Helen sassed.  "My Cookiebutt is a stinkin' Avenger, and he don't want to do your boring work.  And he IS gonna marry me when we're grown up again, and then when we have kids, guess what?  He's gonna be a stay at home dad and I'm gonna work and be AWESOME.  SO THERE!"

 

Sammy blinked down at Helen.  Sure, he'd playfully joked that he would be more than happy to continue to Avenger until they were ready for kids, then become a stay at home Dad and homeschooler.  That had been a long time ago, but he was glad Helen clearly had approved of his plans.

 

"Ms. Wilson, I think it's best if you leave now," Darcy spoke again, her hand on a fuming Helen's shoulder.  "We'll let you know if the reversal is successful."

 

"Give the Captain my best," Congresswoman Wilson nodded tersely.  She gave Sammy one last harsh look and ordered, "Behave, Samuel."

 

Darcy finally took a deep breath when the frankly, awful woman that was Sammy's real mother walked out of her home.  She turned to the kids, smiling softly as Helen clung to Sammy's legs, squeezing with all her might.  Tony, Bucky and Natasha were staring up at Sammy with sympathetic eyes, all three of them having run into excessive discipline in varying degrees and formats in their lives.  They understood what it did to a person over time.

 

Darcy took a deep breath before nodding resolutely, "C'mon kids, jackets and scarves.  Let's go somewhere."

  
  


* * *

 

 

Steve was NOT used to having Agent Sanchez rush up to him with a look of complete and abject terror on his face.  Agent Sanchez was a SHIELD agent with twenty years of experience.  Agent Sanchez had stared down aliens in New York City with a simple glare as he picked up a foreign, other wordly weapon and figured out how it worked quickly to shoot an oncoming Chitauri.   Agent Sanchez had stared down newly revealed Hydra forces at the Triskellion with a steely glare and taken down as many of the vile traitors as he could on the ground while Steve and friends worked on the helicarriers above.  Agent Sanchez had been on the front lines when another alien invasion threatened them months ago and he hadn't flinched.

 

But his brown eyes were wide with panic as he ran into the meeting room where Steve and Maria were solidifying the plans to hide what they would be doing on the base in the next few days, namely re-aging a quartet of very important people.  It had to be done in secrecy, the technology they would be using was too dangerous to risk.

 

Steve didn't give a damn about the valuable technology at the moment, though.  He only cared that Agent Sanchez had one more day  of Christmas leave, and yet here the man was, running into a conference room in his civilian clothing with foreign panic on his face.  Agent Sanchez never panicked.  He had a better poker face than Maria Hill.

 

"Where are they?" Steve demanded, in a quick panic as every considerable muscle in his body tensed.

 

"I got a call from the team lead that they lost them five minutes ago," Agent Sanchez said plainly, not bothering to sugar coat anything.

 

Steve felt his stomach turn over and threatened to expel the brunch they had eaten that morning with Sam's mother.  His phone buzzed with a specific pattern,  _ ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum _ .  Darcy had teased him when he had programmed it.  It had been the steady sound of her heartbeat, and Steve always felt it when she texted him.  It was familiarity and comfort and as he reached for it, it was the best sound on the face of the planet.

 

The picture message showed Darcy and the five kids posing for a selfie along with a stone faced Mulan---or Melinda May.  The message was simple, " _ Went off base to find cheer. Coulson's team offered security since Miguel has Christmas vacation still.  Love you! Come to the Arcadium if you can get away from Hill. _ "

 

"Fucking hell," Steve gasped out as he bent in half, his hands resting on his thighs as the adrenaline spike left him quickly.  He looked up at Sanchez before tossing him the phone.  "You're supposed to be on leave, not checking in with your team constantly.."

 

"When have you ever taken a successful leave, Rogers?" Maria asked knowingly, taking the heat off of Agent Sanchez, knowing that this was probably his first slight mistake in a spotless twenty year career.  

 

"Right now," Steve grumbled, catching the phone that Miguel Sanchez tossed him.  "See you at the procedure tomorrow, the both of you.  Sanchez, go home before your husband uses that voodoo doll he made of me."

 

* * *

 

 

The Arcadium was a curious little place, about ten miles away from the upstate Avenger's facility.  It had sprouted up just a few weeks after Tony and company broke ground at the facility.  What had once been an unkempt outdoor go-kart track, quickly found funding to grow and change.  It was now a Wal-mart sized facility, with three different bar/restaurants, two different dance clubs (one with a bubble and foam machine), and a block long concession stand.  But most importantly was the now  _ indoor  _  go kart track, circling around a vast and impressive (and Stark product filled) arcade, as well as the big room of plastic tunnels, climbing nets, slides and ball pits, and of course the rollerskating rink.  

 

Tony wouldn't say anything as an adult, but as a child, he gladly took the credit.  He walked into the empty facility (it was usually only very busy on Saturday evenings, when most of the Avenger's facility staff had off) with the air of someone who technically owned the place.  He shot finger guns at Kathy, the woman who had originally run the go-kart track.  

 

"Wassup Kathy!" he called out. "How's business?"

 

"Same old same old," Kathy shrugged, staring at the little boy curiously.   She looked up at Darcy, who was relatively new, but had been friendly the one time she had come into the place with Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson months ago.  "You all gonna need anything?"

 

"The works, please?" Darcy wondered.  "Place it on Captain Rogers' tab, please."

 

"Okie dokie," Kathy waved her off.  Captain Rogers' tab was always prepaid, so she had no problem with making two of everything that was on the menu.  

 

"Okay, what first?" Darcy clapped her hands, looking down at the kids, who were still a little subdued from their visit with Congresswoman Wilson.  Darcy pretended to be thoughtful, her finger tapping her chin.  "Okay, well, I'm going to go claim the high score on Dance Dance Revolution.  So see you sad little street urchins later!”

 

"Darce, that's MY DDR high score!" Sammy whined as he tagged along after her.  

 

"It'll be your OLD high score," Darcy cackled before running off.  

 

Natasha smiled before tugging Bucky towards the shooting games, intent on making the six year old boy topple over all of Clint's high scores.  Tony went for roller skates, while Helen went to watch Sammy and her mommy dance.

 

Steve walked in half an hour later, giving Agent May and the rest of Coulson's team a nod at the door before smiling at the scene at the epicenter of the large space meant for fun and stress relief.  The dance game battle had ended in Sammy retaining his crown, so Darcy had suggested more games.  Currently it looked like they were involved in a roller skating competition.  Kathy, the proprietor of the Arcadium, was holding up score cards, not consisting of numbers, but consisting of thumbs up emojis as Natasha and Bucky did a ridiculously complicated figure skating routine.

 

"Cheating!" Sam called out. "Mother Russia played a part in this!  And Nats is wearing training skates!"

 

"COOKIEBUTT!" Helen scolded playfully.  "They don't have ape pro preen ate sizes for her tiny baby feet!  Tony loosened the wheels so she could go faster."

 

"That sounds like a bad idea," Steve announced from the rink sideline.  

 

"Oh, yes!  My partner is here!" Darcy clapped her hands together.  "DJ Friday the Explorer?"

 

"Hola Mamacita, what kind of fun game do you want to play?" the AI answered from the Stark phone hooked up to the speakers.

 

"Play  _ Don’t Go Breaking My Heart _ .  It's time for the best skating duet of all time!"

 

* * *

 

 

Steve found Sammy after their skating competition (Bucky and Nats won), and their massive concession stand lunch lingering at the row of crane games.  Natasha was curled up in the teenager's left arm, her red head on his shoulder.  Her eyes were blinking slowly as she watched Sammy work the crane game, clearly trying to stay awake and help.

 

"What are you doing, son?" Steve asked quietly.  Sam had noticed his approach in the mirrored stainless steel of the machine, but had stayed resolutely on task as he pushed the crane game joystick with precision.  "You know these games are stacked against you, right?"

 

"Nah, Tony made it the opposite," Sam muttered.

 

"Strong claw claw!" Nats mumbled as Sam retried another toy from the machine.

 

Steve furrowed his brow, the miniature rubber duckie dropping into the prize chute, one of MANY.  There had to be over a dozen ducks waiting already.  Steve looked to Natasha, who was peering at the machine and pointed a steady little finger to a spot and said, "Do dat duckie now Sammy Sam."

 

"Okay," Sammy nodded, jostling Natasha and putting another quarter into the machine.  

 

"Are you going to have a rubber duckie armada, Nats?" Steve smiled at the girl, taking her out of Sammy's arms and allowing her to cuddle in a way she could still watch carefully over Sammy's work.  The girl usually only liked bath crayons and bath bombs in the tub.  Bucky and Tony were the ones that liked toys in the bath.  Bucky stuck with mermaid dolls that changed color.  Tony had a real working helicarrier with little lego guys manning the deck.

 

"Sammy Sam get a ducky for mommy," Nats explained.  She clenched a fist in victory when Sammy got the right duck.  "YES!!  Yay for Birdie butt!"

  
  


Steve peered at the claw and watched as the yellow rubber duckie decked out in what appeared to be a purple dress with pink hearts, complete with brunette hair and big headphones on its ears.  

 

"Darcy said she liked that one," Sammy said as he collected all his rubber duckies, taking one that seemed to be flying in a plane for Helen to add to Wing Town.   "Wanted to get her somethin' nice, cause I didn't get her a present for Christmas other than that itunes gift card."

 

"Sammy, she loved that present," Steve reminded him.  The two of them had been thick as thieves as they bought songs with the itunes card, and had teased Steve about his old timey music tastes playfully.    "And we got you the wing charm to add to her bracelet.  Pepper said the jeweler would have it to us by the end of the week."

 

"Yeah, but, it's nice to get her a silly duck for her desk.  That way when she sees it, she’ll think of me," Sammy shrugged.  He gave Steve an earnest smile and said, "You really lucked out, old man."

 

Steve laughed and nodded in avid agreement.  They turned and watched as Darcy wrestled with Tony and Helen in one of the giant ball pits, Bucky was hanging from a rope above it, reaching down a metal hand to pull her out if necessary.  She turned around and grinned at her husband, bigger and brighter than anything.  

 

"You guys gonna let me be Queen of the Ballpit?  Lazy!" she accused.

 

Steve gave her a dubious little arch of his eyebrow and patted Sammy on the shoulder.  "I'm the luckiest old man on the whole wide world, Sammy."

 

* * *

 

 

The next twenty-four hours were filled with Darcy and Steve organizing all of Sammy's favorite activities.  They made pizza and strombolis at home with the help of Darcy's brand new breadmaker (Tony had deemed it his best invention ever and wouldn’t yet tell them WHY).  They played video games tournament style, and were unsurprised when the rest of the Avengers joined in.  

 

The littler kids, who had been joyfully antagonistic of Sammy for the weeks he had been changed, were still quick to tease, but somehow, quicker to lavish hugs on the cheerleader.  Tony had been absolutely cowed when Sammy beat him at Mario Kart, but hadn't plotted revenge.  Instead, he'd given him a high five, which in turn had caused Steve to give Tony a proud little head pat.  

 

The ice cream cake had been Darcy's idea.  Sammy loved the cookie crumbles in the middle of it.  After his real mother left, the entire day had felt like his best birthday ever.  At the end of the night, Helen had hugged him extra tight before shuffling off to bed.  

 

"Friday the Explorer?" Sammy whispered.  "Please tell Helen to sleep tight and not let the bed bugs bite."

 

"Absolutely, Sammy," Friday promised, and the corresponding squeal from the giddy four year old was answer enough.

  
  


Darcy let Sammy wake up on his own the next day, having asked Steve to work out the schedule so that he wouldn't have to wake up early and head to the labs. They had a leisurely late breakfast of Sammy's favorite bagels and donuts (where Helen liked separate food, Sammy seemed to be fond of food with holes in it).  

 

"Are you ready, son?" Steve asked quietly as Sammy got dressed in clothing that would have normally fit him when he was his real age.  

 

"Yeah," Sammy nodded with a nervous grin.  "It'll be nice to get out of your hair, to be able to be on my own, I think."

 

"Hey, you weren't in my hair," Steve said resolutely.  "It was a joy to have you, Sammy.  You've been helpful and good, and I know Darcy and I couldn't have accomplished all we did in the last few weeks without you.  I'd be proud to call you my son, Sammy."

 

"Thanks," Sammy whispered as he pulled up his sweat pants yet again.  His Dad hadn’t been a major force in his life the first time growing up.  It had been an absolute delight to have Steve there for him, even for the few short weeks.  He hoped he would remember it when he was older, the nice feeling of knowing someone so good was looking out for him and his best interests.  

 

"You know what's coming, right?" Steve gave him a little smirk.

 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Sammy gave an overly dramatic put upon sigh before letting Steve wrap his arms around him in a bear hug.  "Don't listen to Hill, Steve.  You and Darcy are gonna be the best parents."

 

"I hope I get to prove her wrong sooner rather than later," Steve acknowledged.

 

"You guys try enough," Sam scoffed.

 

"Alright, come on," Steve gripped his arm around Sam's shoulders as the teenager tried to keep his own pants up.  "No needling me about that when you're older.  You would have never caught us that time in the shower if you hadn't of gotten yourself de-aged in the first place, young man."

 

* * *

 

Darcy lingered in the laboratory longer than anyone else.  Even Helen had been carted away by Steve as she tried to make sure that all of Sam's vitals were good.  Darcy stood in front of Sammy and gave him a big, beaming smile.

 

"It was an absolute pleasure to get to be your mom for a few weeks, Sammy," the small brunette whispered, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.  

 

"No, Darce, the pleasure was all mine," Sammy insisted, his voice cracking once.  He shrugged, wishing he could get his words to cooperate with him just this once.  He wanted to be able to tell her that even if it was just a few weeks, it was nice to have someone in her maternal position CARING so much about not only his physical well being, but his emotional well being.  

 

It was the little things.  Making sure that Tony never went too far with careless, childish words.  Taking time to make sure that a new skincare product was on the bathroom sink when the last skin care remedy seemed to only cause more problems.  Spending lots of time with him sharing playlists of music and creating new ones.  Gently encouraging him and rewarding him in his interactions with Helen, making sure that hormone fueled teenaged emotions didn't get the best of him.  

 

"You're a great mom, Darcy," Sammy managed to get out.  "I hope I can remember all that when I'm grown up."

 

"I hope so too," Darcy nodded, wiping away at the tears falling out of her eyes quickly.  "Either way, spending time with you like this would have been worth it.  You've been one of my little joys in life these last few weeks, Sammy, truly.”

 

That broke the teenager.  His own mother loved him, he had no doubt of that.  But she'd never told him something like that.  The most he could remember getting was a proud nod when he'd come home signed up for Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps.  Tears slid down his cheeks and he reached out and pulled Darcy into a hug, still towering over her in height.  

 

"I'll miss you," Darcy whispered against his shoulder.  

 

"I'll be here, I promise," Sammy whispered.  

 

She popped up on her toes and gave him a kiss on the forehead before nodding and walking out of the room.  

 

"I'm ready," Sam called out to the observation room.  "Hit me, Pym."

 

* * *

 

 

Bucky watched so carefully after the light and sound show subsided.  Natasha did the same, holding his left hand tightly, her little body curled against his as they shared a rolling desk chair.  Where their pimply faced, gangly limbed Sammy had been standing, was now a full grown man, fitting properly into the sweatpants and t-shirt he had put on that morning.  

 

"Look at my handsome Cookiebutt!  See, all the pimples and spots are gone now!" Helen clapped her hands together and gave a good natured raspberry to Tony, who was watching Sam almost as carefully as Bucky.

 

Pym gave the all clear sign, and the sealed doors opened with a whoosh of air.  Grown up Sammy went into immediate motion, quick and sure as he rushed to the observation room.  

 

He gave everyone a big smile upon entering, dropping to his feet to accept Helen's enthusiastic hug.  Bucky nodded at Natasha, that was to be expected.   What happened next was what Bucky, Natasha and Tony were interested in.  Helen finally let go of Sam.

 

"Turn around, turn around, I want to make sure your Cookiebutt is still the same," Helen encouraged.  

 

"Inappropriate, Hells," Sam scolded lightly.

 

"You just wait till I grow up too in two days!" Helen shouted.  "I'm gonna look at your cookiebutt all the time whether you like it or not."

 

" _ Gross _ !" Tony announced.

 

Sam threw Tony a look and Natasha gave a little gasp.  It was a look that older Sammy had never given Tony before.  But it WAS a look that teenaged Sammy had given Tony all the time.  It was filled with exasperation and annoyance and it held the hidden promise that Sam would get Tony back somehow for being an annoying little buttmunch.  He'd had that look before replacing Tony's goatee pencils with black glitter eyeliner after the miniature Stark had sent out Sammy's pants to his tailor, Sergio, and had them returned four inches too short.

 

Natasha squeezed Bucky's left hand and threw Tony a toothy little smile.  It was something that she was going to take as a good sign.  Sammy _ remembered. _

 

Bucky was waiting though as Sam approached Darcy and Steve.   The Falcon didn't look shy or unsure, he looked excessively fond.  And before Bucky could blink properly, Sam had Bucky's Pop and sweet little Mother wrapped up in a three person embrace, hugging them tight.

 

"Thank you," Sam whispered.  "I can't even, I don't know how to tell you what that meant to me."

 

"Sammy, no, you don't have to thank us," Steve insisted.

 

"I do, you guys can't understand what you did for me these last few weeks," Sam pulled away and leaned down, placing a kiss on Darcy's forehead.  "That was the best Christmas I ever had in my whole life."

 

Helen grinned proudly as Sammy hugged Darcy and Steve fiercely, even going so far as smacking a kiss against Steve's cheek too.  She turned back to her pseudo-siblings and gave two big thumbs up.  She knew the three of them had been worried that growing up would change them right back into what they had been before.

 

Helen had TRIED to explain to them that it simply couldn't be possible.  If the process that shrank them let them retain their old memories, even if in a sanitized children's version, then reversing the process would bring all the childhood memories back with them, but with the clarity of an adult.  Their second childhoods wouldn't be seen through hazy rose colored glasses.  They'd be held as sharp and clear memories now.

 

Bucky nodded at Helen.  He watched as Sammy finally detangled himself from Darcy and Steve and walked over to the chair that Bucky and Natasha were sitting on.  He gave them a big, warm smile and nodded.

 

"It'll be okay, guys.  I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this hit your bittersweet fluff spot. Thanks very much for reading!


	32. Bossy Pants

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Bossy Pants**

* * *

 

Helen Cho was a lot of things.  Brilliant prodigy.  Bossy no nonsense leader.  Particular about food to the point that it might be considered clinical.  Fond of birds and grown ass men who dressed in mechanized bird costumes.  She had been born in Seoul, South Korea, and she had been raised by her beloved grandfather after her parents met their end in a car accident.  When she went to her first year of university abroad for her sixteenth year, she learned that she really loved swearing.  A lot.  

 

Helen was probably the most well adjusted of all of Darcy and Steve's kids.  She'd not had a hand raised against her in her life until Ultron came along.  She was well loved by her grandfather and aunts and uncles.  Helen Cho had grown up torture free, Hydra free, and Howard free.  

 

And she'd grown up parent free, as well.  She'd been eighteen months old when her parents had died.  And she loved her grandfather more than anything, she really did, but he wasn't a father and he wasn't a mother.

 

"Mommy?" Helen said softly as she watched Darcy carefully and methodically chop up tomatoes and put them in a little cup.

 

"Yes, baby?" Darcy paused in her chopping and smiled down warmly at the four year old perched next to her, who had been strictly overseeing the preparations to the taco bar, making sure all of the components were in separate vessels and nothing dared splatter or leak into the other one.

 

"I love you," Helen shrugged.

 

"Oh, my sweet baby girl, I love you too," Darcy grinned, before leaning over and smacking a kiss on the shiny black hair on top of Helen's head before going back and chopping.  Steve was three feet away at the stove, working two separate cast iron skillets of meat for the taco bar.  

 

Sam had just been turned back that morning, and Helen would be next in two days time.  Darcy and Steve had been making plans ever since Christmas had ended on how they were going to make the last few days as special as they could for the kids before they had to grow up.  Now that Sammy could confirm that every good memory from his second childhood had stuck, Darcy and Steve were even more determined to cram in as much good as they possibly could.

 

Surprisingly, Helen's last two days as their four year old daughter had been the most difficult to pull off.  It had required Asgardian intervention.

 

"Daddy?" Helen looked over expectantly.  

 

Steve didn't bother to hide his amusement at his daughter.  She was getting a little maudlin.  Adorably maudlin.  But maudlin all the same.  At lunch, she had declared dramatically that it would be the last time she ate peanuts and jellies ever again and then had fake cried for ten minutes.  Even Natasha wasn't buying the dramatics any longer, and anytime Helen had declared something "THE LAST TIME EVER", Natasha would simply pat Helen's shoulder and walk away.

 

"Yes, Helen?" Steve smiled.

 

"I love you, too," Helen nodded.

 

"I know you do, sweet girl," Steve stirred the chicken strips around in the pan.  "And you know that I love you, too."

 

"Yeah," Helen nodded.  "So what are we doing for my last WHOLE day as a kid tomorrow?"

 

"It's a surprise," Darcy said in that resolute voice that meant Helen should stop trying to dig.

 

Helen didn't stop trying to dig though, that simply wasn't her nature.  

 

"Is it Disney?" the four year old asked in excitement.

 

"Hells, we just went to Disney," Tony groaned out in exasperation as he poked his head into the kitchen.  "When's dinner done?  My stomach is gonna eat itself!"

 

"There are chips and salsa on the table!" Darcy reminded him.

 

"I ate them aaaaaaaaallll," Tony whined.

 

"You ate ALL of them?" Darcy blinked at him.

 

"DUH.  I'm a growing boy!" Tony answered back.  He wriggled his shoulders and rolled his eyes a little.  "Barnes helped a little."

  
  


"There's another bag in the snack cabinet," Steve told him.  "DO NOT pull out the candy jar for Nats."

 

"Sure sure," Tony nodded, giving Steve a lazy salute before scampering off.

 

The parents went back to work on the feast that was needed to feed a now grown Sam, the other children (serum enhanced appetites included), as well as Steve and Darcy.  Taco bar night was Helen’s favorite non Korean dinner, thanks to the fact that all the components were separate to begin with.  They’d been having it once a week since the original quartet had turned small.

 

"Done," Darcy declared.  She looked to Steve for guidance.  She could chop, but she had to be told what to chop.  If it were up to her, they'd probably have a cup full of chopped up chocolate bar on their taco buffet.  Being a mother and married to Steve had made her even worse at regular cooking, and probably even better at baking instead.    "What's next?"

 

"Avocado, please," Steve nodded towards the refrigerator.  "I already got the pits out for you, sweetheart, just peel it out of its shell and give it a chop."

 

"My hero," Darcy cooed.  Darcy had a scar on the palm of her hand from the last time she had tried to cut an avocado back in high school.  It hadn’t gone well.

 

"You guys are soooo cute," Helen declared.  "But you should definitely know that me and Cookiebutt are way cuter when I'm all back to normal."

 

"That's impossible, cause your Cookiebutt drags you down in the cute race," Steve teased playfully.

 

"I heard that!" Sam announced from the other room, where he had just arrived back from an errand (he had been delighted to be allowed to drive something that wasn't golf cart sized once more and had taken advantage of that).  "Darce, tell him what you told me two weeks ago."

 

"Sammy is a handsome dude, even with a pimple or two," Darcy repeated as she took the container of avocado to her chopping station, smiling at Helen as she rearranged bowls so the ingredients were lined up chromatically.  

 

"Suck it old man!" Sam cackled from the other room.

 

"Yeah, Suck it!" Helen repeated.  She wrinkled up her nose adorably and looked at Steve with all the seriousness the four year old possessed.  "Daddy...what is IT?  Like when we say suck it, what are we telling you to suck?"

 

"Uhm---" Steve hedged, clearly not knowing the answer to that question that wouldn't freak Helen out.  

 

"Oh GROSS!" Darcy whimpered before audibly gagging.  

 

"MOMMY!  MOMMY?!?  ARE YOU OKAY!??" Helen shouted, standing up on her stool.  "Clear her airways we can't let her ass fix eye ate herself!"

 

Four sets of footsteps, two quicker than the other two were heard rushing to the kitchen door, and Steve managed to turn off the burners before turning to Darcy in concern.  She had her hands over her nose and mouth and was staring down murderously at the avocados, which were browning and looked slimy on the cutting board.

 

"So gross," Darcy managed to get out before gagging again and slapping her hands over her mouth and nose.

 

"Sorry, sweetheart, I did what Davie told me, put the lemon juice on it to stop it from going brown," Steve sighed, removing the offending avocado.  

 

"GINGER ALE!  SALTINES!" Helen yelled, pointing at each of her siblings in turn.  "COMFY BLANKIE! GET HER TO THE COUCH! C'MON PEOPLE WE PRACTICED FOR THIS!  MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT!"

 

Steve watched in astonishment as his four kids plus Sam went into a flurry of activity.  Natasha ran from the room immediately, a high pitched sound of excitement leaving her mouth.  Sam gently put his arm around Darcy's shoulders and led her away from Steve, into the living room.  Bucky ran to the snack cabinet, opening it and jumping five feet straight into the air to grab a package of saltines.  Tony pressed buttons on the front of the fridge, and to Steve's surprise ginger ale came out instead of water.  Obviously the boy had been doing some upgrading in his spare time.

 

Steve automatically grabbed Helen off of her stool and carried her into the living room of his quarters, where Sam had arranged Darcy on the couch.  Natasha was currently trying to mummify the woman with blankets.  Bucky and Tony nearly bowled Steve over on their way to deliver their remedies.  Helen squirmed until Steve put her on the ground.

 

"PHASE TWO! PHASE TWO!" Helen shouted.  She pointed at Natasha.  "CUDDLES!"

 

Natasha nodded, placing the last blanket on Darcy before climbing up on the couch herself and cuddling against Darcy lovingly.

 

Helen pointed at Bucky next as he placed the saltines carefully in Darcy’s lap..  "PUKE PATROL!"

 

Bucky nodded and ran to Steve's desk on the opposite side of the room.  He yanked open one of the drawers and pulled out a medium sized basin, as well as a utility belt that he immediately put around his waist.  The belt contained holsters with packages of wet wipes, a bottle of mouth wash, and a can of lysol.  

 

"HOT AND COLD!" Helen barked at Tony, who nodded in remembrance before rushing back into the kitchen, very quickly returning with a cold compress in one hand, and a heating pad that he quickly crushed in his tiny fist, making it heat up.

 

"What on Earth?" Steve blinked in confusion at the very organized, very well rehearsed response played out.

 

Helen waved her hand dismissively at Steve before pointing at Sam.  "PEE STICKS!"

 

"Pee sticks?" Darcy repeated looking to Steve in confusion.

 

"Yeah, it would have been better if I was older when I went to buy them last week," Sam huffed out a sigh.  "It was hard to explain to the pharmacist why a thirteen year old needed a case of pregnancy tests."

 

"Hello baby brover, Nats love you," Natasha whispered to Darcy's abdomen.  "And Nats is your boss, you listen at her."

 

"Guys, guys, calm down," Darcy laughed.  "Mommy isn't pregnant."

 

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!" Helen sassed her back.  "I'm the professional here, and if I says you gotta baby in your belly then you gotta baby in your belly!  Now, SIT BACK, RELAX and GESTURE JERKY LATE!"

 

"Hells, reign it in on the bossy pants," Steve warned her, only a little bit of sternness creeping into his voice.  "It's only been a few weeks since we started to try, there's no need for all of this drama."

 

"And I don't need to be a Darcy caccoon," Darcy insisted, although she did snuggle next to Natasha, who was now whispering broken words of Russian to Darcy's stomach.  “And I don’t need to sit around like a lazy bum to  _ gestate _ .”

 

"Mommy, shush, just pee on the stick, and you'll know I'm right," Helen insisted.

 

"Helen, NO," Darcy said resolutely.  "The avocado was gross, that's the only reason I gagged.  Now come on, come up here and give me cuddles while Daddy finishes dinner."

 

* * *

 

Darcy had never been much of a morning shower person until she started sharing a bed with Steve.  She had preferred nighttime showers, rinsing the grime of scientist wrangling off of her each night before settling down.  Now though, the kids were put to bed and Darcy found the ‘nightly news program’ with her husband to be so much more entertaining than showering.  

 

Besides, if she was working up a good sweat with the  _ Oh Hell, Sweetheart  _ of it all, it seemed silly to shower beforehand.  

 

When they first started out on their grand parenting adventure, showers were in the morning and they were as rushed as possible and they were very much a separate affair.  Two weeks before they were married, Darcy had blearily woken up to a surprisingly Steve-less bed, and stumbled straight for the bathroom, stripped down to her birthday suit and went marching right into the large, enclosed space with the waterfall showerheads and started lathering up, seemingly blind to a shocked super soldier standing there with suds in his hair.

 

Since then, they realized that showers were so much better together.  Conserving water was great.  The (very little) time they saved also seemed helpful.  And it seemed important to start the day with teamwork.

 

So the next morning, Darcy was helpfully working conditioner through Steve's hair while his mouth was occupied kissing up and down her neck as the water fell around them in a gentle rain like motion.  His hands weren't lathering so much, but were rather meandering up and down her entire back in teasing, tickling motions.

 

"We have a very busy day ahead of us," Darcy reminded him with a sigh as he moved his kisses to her shoulder.

 

Steve made a humming, contented noise that sounded like borderline agreement.

"No time for shower shenanigans, hand me my face scrub," Darcy insisted.

He clumsily reached for something and handed it to her.  It was one of the many rubber duckies Sammy had won out of the claw machine.  This one had a towel wrapped around his head and a shower loofah under a wing.  Darcy couldn't help but laugh as Steve didn't even notice, just continued to kiss her wet skin and occupy his hands more thoroughly.

 

Her giggles turned into low pitched sighs and she dropped the duckie and put her hands on his shoulders instead.

 

"Okay, but really fast," she whispered.  "And no noise."

 

Steve grinned and immediately his hands and lips went for her chest.  Steve was downright greedy when it came to Darcy and all she had to offer.  And Darcy normally truly enjoyed Steve's greed.  Greed was normally very, very good.

 

Which was why when she hissed out in annoyance at his first measured grope, Steve was shocked enough to take three giant steps away from her, in worry that he had somehow let up on his super strength and hurt her.  His eyes were wide with apology and worry before they went wild with surprise as he slipped and went flying in the shower, landing on his naked behind with a splash.

 

"Oh my God!  Steve!  Are you alright?" Darcy's voice rose to a near shout, something that very rarely happened in their home.

 

"I'm okay, sssshhh, sweetheart I'm fine," Steve winced as he pulled himself up to standing.  He turned and saw that the force of his fall had cracked the tiling of the shower floor and he quickly turned the shower off and opened the door to grab for towels, knowing what was coming next.

 

"OH MY GOD!!! WHO FELL IN THE SHOWER???" Tony yelled from the other side of the bathroom door.

 

"MOMMY!  MOMMY!" Nat yelled.  "Is Nats baby brover okay?"

 

"Daddy, if it's  you that fell, I need to check your hips!" Helen screamed.  "You're a hundred and you might have a stereo pore oasis!  HIPS ARE IMPORTANT FOR OLD PEOPLE!"

 

Bucky didn't scream, he just broke the door down with his metal shoulder, and all four children poured into the room, still in their PJ's.  Sam's thundering footsteps could be heard coming from the living room and Darcy was just glad that they got the towels on in time.  Although Steve was having some trouble keeping his appropriately arranged.

 

"Daddy fell, he's fine," Steve insisted.  "My hips are good, no need to check them."

 

"If an old person breaks a hip, they're kind of a goner," Tony insisted with morbid bleakness..

 

"How'd you fall in the shower?" Sam blinked at them from the broken doorway.

 

"Why are you showering together?" Bucky blinked up at them. "You don't let Nats take baths with me cause you said girls and boys should have separate times cause of cooties."

 

"YOUR BOOBIES ARE BIGGER!" Helen pointed at Darcy suddenly, accusation in her tone.  

 

"Mom's humongoid cans are always ginormous," Tony reminded her.  "How can you tell?"

 

"I can tell!" Helen insisted.  "I have a very good eye for these things.  Mommy, are they sensitive like my nose was when I got rug burn on it?"

 

"Hola Friday!" Tony called out.  "Measure Mom's tatas, cause I can't tell if they're bigger than the last time we measured them."

 

"Stop measuring my boobs!" Darcy repeated the scolding that she had given Tony YEARS ago, when he had been a fully grown adult. "Friday, if you measure my boobs, I will use my override and turn you into a fucking teletubby!"

 

"MOMMY!" Helen gasped.  "You are being ear a table."

 

Darcy sighed and shrugged.  "Sorry."

 

"It's okay, this happens when your hormones go all nutso," Helen nodded.  She held up a firm hand and it only took Sam about fifteen seconds to hand her a few plastic sticks. "Just pee on these sticks and we'll know for sure."

 

Darcy wrinkled up her nose and Steve knew she was about to get INCREDIBLY irritable. He smiled at the kids who were waiting with baited breath for Darcy to pee on a stick.  He adjusted his towel one more time and said cheerfully, "Everyone out!  We have a big day planned."

 

* * *

 

"I don't understand," Helen whined to Sam as he gave her a piggy back ride to her scheduled surprise.  

 

"What about, Hells?" Sam wondered.  It could be any number of things.  Helen wasn't a big fan of not knowing everything, and in her current four year old state, there was a lot to not know.  

 

"Mommy should LISTEN to me and pee on those sticks," Helen grumbled.  "It's like she don't trust my judgement, and I have really good judgement, Cookiebutt.  I got judgement falling outta my butt!"

 

"One, don't repeat things that Tony says about BUTTS," Sam advised.  "Two, Darcy does trust your judgement.  She knows that whether you're big or small, you are still brilliant and a really good doctor."

 

"If she and Daddy made a baby already, then I have to make sure she's okay," Helen pouted.  "There are tests to run to make sure her met table sim isn't gonna go too fast now, and we gotta see what Daddy's special serum does to her read janner nation. I’m about one hundred and fifteen percent for sure that if mommy has a baby in her belly that it’ll be a  _ super _ baby cause of Daddy’s serum, and she’s gonna need extra special medical attention the whole time."

 

"Hells, you have approximately twenty-four more hours of being a four year old," Sam reminded her.  "Maybe your Mommy and Daddy want you to enjoy that time before you gotta be a grownup and worry about metabolisms and regenerations and stuff."

 

"Yeah I guess, still, I could help and it would be fun," Helen shrugged, all the bossy know-it-allness leaving her tone.  She blushed prettily as Sam arrived at their destination.  The door leading outside to where Thor usually came and went.  "What's my surprise, Cookiebutt?  Do I get to go see Asgard?"

 

"No, Darcy asked Heimdall to do her a solid," Sam smiled, heading out onto the lawn in the chilly January air.  Darcy and Steve were already waiting, bundled up and standing with Bucky, Tony and Nats, all of whom had gift bags piled in their arms.

 

"We're going to go visit someone," Darcy smiled.  "Come on, everyone up on the freaky Nordic symbol.  Let's go for a quick ride."

 

* * *

 

Cho Kyung-soo was ninety-one years old.  A little over thirty years ago, he had suffered the greatest loss a man could carry, the loss of a child and at the same time was gifted with the most extraordinary baby girl in all of the world.  When he was younger, he had been able to chase after the energetic, brilliant and pushy little baby.  

 

As he got older, he couldn't chase as much.  He'd missed a lot, actually.  Parties, Graduations, and traveling all around the world.  Even after his brilliant little Helen had invented her Cradle, and healed him, he found he was still too old to chase.  

 

And now, he stood in his garden, looking up at the sky.  Agents working with Captain America had arrived at dawn's early light, and had made sure everything was safe.  They'd worked with local government to mask the brilliant portal in the sky as best as they could, using fireworks on the other side of town to distract the townspeople.  

 

When the light from the portal receded, Kyung-soo felt like he had traveled back in time.  Because one member of the oddly beautiful family that had landed was very familiar to him.

 

"Haraboji!" Helen shouted and ran from her place clinging to Steve's legs.  Thankfully her elderly grandfather was in a motorized wheelchair, so that she didn't knock him to the ground.  She did fear that she had hurt him though, because when she pulled away from her initial embrace, he was crying.  "Did I hurt you?"

 

"No Child," Kyung-soo insisted, wiping feebly away at his tears that continued to fall.  "It is just a shock to see you as you used to be.  A beautiful shock."

 

* * *

 

Tony had started fiddling with Haraboji's wheelchair within fifteen minutes of being in Korea.  Bucky and Natasha had contented themselves with exploring the house and grounds, and Steve realized that the two were obsessively checking for gaps in security and ways to keep Helen's Haraboji safe after they left.  

 

Eventually, Helen grabbed Sam by the hand and began showing him around the house she had grown up in, yammering on about all the prettiest and nicest spots.  Steve and Darcy sat happily with Haraboji during that time, enjoying snacks and interesting conversation.  It turned out that Helen was pretty much the same as a four year old in the past as she was for her new parents now.

 

"I did the very best I could with what I had," Haraboji promised.  

 

"Helen is a wonderful, brilliant woman," Steve nodded.  "You raised her so well, Sir."

 

"We are contemporaries, my friend, no need for honorifics," Haraboji laughed.  "And I did do a good job, but it was difficult.  You and I were raised in a time when girls were to be treated differently, a stupid, dark time, indeed.  And those times lasted here longer than they should.  But I knew from the moment she was put in my arms, that Helen was unlimited.  So I did my best to never let her have limits."

 

"That explains a lot," Darcy laughed.  

 

"But with you, she has learned some patience," Haraboji admitted.  

 

Steve snorted his coffee through his nose.

 

"You laugh, but she has learned," Haraboji insisted.  "Helen was a young woman of eleven when she grew too tired of her classmates and her teachers, we had to move her faster through school.  I spoiled her to be sure, and let her do as she wished with her behavior towards others."

 

"Helen is wonderful with  her siblings," Darcy promised.

 

"Yes, that's thanks to the two of you," Haraboji nodded.  "There are some things that an old man cannot give a young child.  You have filled in the gaps.  A mother and a father for my beautiful granddaughter.  I am in your debt."

 

* * *

 

Tears were shed all over the place as they got ready to take their scheduled portal back to the base.   Sam promised to come back with Helen soon, giving the elderly gentleman a wink.  Both of them knew that Sam planned to bring Helen home after he proposed and she hopefully accepted him.  

 

No sooner had they landed back on base, than Helen had started needling at Darcy again.  

 

"Mommy, mommy, mommy, did I tell you how good Daddy's seed men were?" Helen wondered.  "Cause I got to take a look at them once---"

 

"WHAT?" Steve blinked down at her.

 

"Pop, you gotta stop just signing everything and then filling cups up every time people put them in front of your face," Bucky admonished. 

 

"You gave me purse mission," Helen insisted.  "You wanted to know what kind of contra sap things would work when you were dating that dental high jennie-est, amember?"

 

"Dental Hygienist?" Darcy repeated, her face going carefully blank as her cheeks began flushing a little.

 

"Uhoh," Natasha whispered, looking to Bucky in the closest expression the two year old had to panic.  

 

"What?" Bucky questioned.

 

"Mommy get so jelly all a time," Natasha whispered.  "Nats forget!"

 

"Well, sweetheart, that was a long time ago," Steve gave her an amused little smirk.  "We hadn't met yet...you were still traveling with Jane in Alfheim, I think..."

 

"Oh Pop, no," Bucky whispered.

 

"Did you love her?" Darcy demanded, suddenly all tears and absolutely irrational upset.  She stopped walking completely, and Steve, Sam and the children all stopped in their tracks, slowly turning to look at her.  

 

Natasha looked distraught, her green eyes shimmering with tears at the sight of her mother's distress.  Sam looked suddenly wary.  He knew Darcy pretty well after the last couple of months. She had her quirks, to be sure, but she wasn't one for outward relationship dramatics.  He knew from a grownup Helen's reports that Darcy hadn't always had such an easy time in relationships.  She was liable to overthink and worry and overanalyze what people said to her.  There had been cheating involved and that definitely could mess with a person’s ability to be rational in future relationships.  But this was going a step further than normal.

 

Tony had whipped out his leap frog tablet to converse silently with Friday.  Clearly, this needed something sparkly to make sure Darcy was happy with her dumb husband again.

 

"Sweetheart," Steve looked confused.  "You dated other people before me too..."

 

Bucky was staring at Steve like he had two heads.  He thought he'd taught the guy better than that on how to deal with an upset dame.  Steve was just standing there, gaping at Darcy curiously as the woman continued to cry harder. 

  
  


"Ian and stinky Kevin don't count cause I didn't love them like I love you!" Darcy insisted irritably.  "I TOLD you that."

 

Helen was looking at her mother curiously before she held up a hand in front of Bucky's face, stopping the six year old from trying to comfort Darcy, even though the little boy clearly wanted to do something, or anything, to provide his sweet loving mother with comfort.  She marched right up to Darcy and grabbed her hand. "Mommy I gotta pee, right now and you gotta help me!"

  
  


Helen found it was easy to push her mother around, as she was still crying and upset, but at least she was quietly so.  She marched her straight into the closest building, which just so happened to be the gym and went right for the locker room.  Darcy had managed to stop crying by the time they got to the locker room and wiped at her face.

 

"Oh my God, I'm a crazy person," Darcy breathed out as she sat on a bench.  She looked  _ mortified _ and slapped her hand on her face.  "I gotta go apologize, I was just a crazy person to my husband for no reason at all!"

 

"I think that's supposed to happen some of the time," Helen shrugged.  She sighed and looked up at Darcy with an inquisitive light in her eyes.  "Mommy?"

 

"Yes baby?" Darcy wondered, the response seemingly automatic.

 

"How long have you already known you had a baby in your belly?"

 

Darcy sighed and shrugged helplessly.  Helen was too smart and too observant and Darcy knew the little doctor would be back to normal in less than eighteen hours at that point, so it felt okay to tell the truth,  "It took right away, actually, I think.  You know how I was---oval lating?"

 

"Holy macaroni!" Helen whispered.  Her mother had just gotten through that period a less than two weeks ago.  A lot of suspicions were confirmed about the strength of Steve's seedmen for the doctor.  "Mommy, did you tell Daddy yet?"

 

"No," Darcy sighed.  "I wanted to wait a few days.  A week maybe."

 

"Until we was all grown up?" Helen guessed.

 

"Kind of."

 

"Especially once Bucky and Nats ‘asided if they should be grownup or little?" Helen asked knowingly.

 

"I didn't want them to put it into the equation.  If they don't want to grow up, they shouldn't," Darcy said resolutely.  "And we'll destroy the machine and they'll grow up together the right way."

 

"You are being very brave," Helen promised, just as she sounded before she would rip band aids off of her stuffed animals or siblings.  "But you're also really DUMB, Mommy."

 

"Hells!" Darcy scolded weakly.

 

"Mommy, you're having a super soldier baby!" Helen reminded her.

 

"I KNOW," Darcy lamented, her face breaking out into a grin even as tears started falling from her eyes again.  "And if I tell Daddy, he's gonna be so happy, and then Nats and Bucky'll know, because Daddy can’t lie, and then they'll cut in line to be grownups again and I just want you all to be so happy!"

 

Darcy devolved into sobs again, and Helen hugged her legs as tight as she could.  

 

"Mommy, you can't keep it a secret much longer," Helen shook her head.  "Tomorrow, when I'm big again, I need to do SO MANY tests, because you have to start making sure your kale orc-ic intake is enough, and the baby is already making your hormones CRAZY NUTSO, and I might even have to keep you for overnight asburd date shins to make sure you're okay!"

 

"I'm just weepy, that's all," Darcy promised.  She bit back a sob.  "And my boobs already hurt, and I can't look at green food or I almost vomit, and I think I'm only two weeks pregnant with a super baby making me NUTS and oh my god, Hells, it's gonna get so much worse!  If this is how it is two weeks in, what's it going to be like later?"

 

"No, no, cause I'm gonna fix it!" Helen promised.  "I get to grow up tomorrow, and I'm gonna fix it!"

 

Helen hopped up onto the bench and kissed Darcy's temple.  

 

"I promise, Mommy, I'm going to fix it," Helen swore.

 

"I didn't want to ruin your last day as a kid, I wanted you to be happy," Darcy sniffled.  "That's why I tried to to keep it a secret."

 

"Mommy, I love fixing problems," Helen grinned at her.  "This is the best thing that could ever ever happen!  I'm SO EXCITED I CAN'T STAND IT!"

 

Darcy laughed, but got a whiff of Helen's breath and the kimchi she'd enjoyed prior to leaving had made the child's breath UNHOLY.  Darcy gagged and managed to get Helen off of her and she ran for the toilet.

 

Helen was practically rubbing her hands together in glee.  "Oh boy, this is going to be so much fun and SO VERY FAX OR NATING!"

 

* * *

 

Helen Cho had a specific routine when she woke up.  Wake up, then bathroom, hand washing, mouthwash, five jumping jacks, ten sun salutations, hand washing, brushing her teeth, hand washing, then high-fiving each of her siblings

 

But on this last day, she skipped the sun salutations, and instead got up a little earlier and watched the rest of her siblings wake up and greet the day in their own way.  Natasha would sit up, still sleeping, and slowly open her eyes as her chubby little hands rubbed at her mouth lazily.  The first movement of Natasha's had Bucky waking up, alert and suspicious.  He calmed quickly though, throwing a happy little smile to Helen, before patting at Natasha's sleep mussed curls and guiding her back to the bed to lay out and wait for the sleepy clumsiness to leave Natasha fully.

 

The little redhead hated stumbling, and she was wont to do it first thing after waking.  

 

Bucky cuddled Natasha for ten more minutes, and by that time, even Tony had woken up, flopping onto his stomach and trying to bury his head in the pillow.  He seemed ready to whine about something, but noticed something was off.  He sat up and peered at Helen.

 

"How come you're not doing your sun salutations?" Tony demanded.  "I was ready to tell you were an unholy devil for wanting to salute the sun so much so early, like I always do."

 

"Last day," Helen shrugged.  "It's okay to be different if it's the last day of something."

 

"My Hells," Natasha called out, and two chubby hands lifted in the air.  

 

Helen smiled and joined the two person cuddle pile of Bucky and Natasha.  She wasn't surprised to hear Tony grumbling about unholy people cuddling so early, and she was even less surprised when he quickly joined in.  They were a mass of children on the bed, hugging each other as tightly as possible.

 

"I love you all so much," Helen sighed happily.  "I grew up so alone the first time, with just Haraboji.  No other kids wanted to play with me cause I was bossy and loud and didn't know how to talk to other kids."

 

"Me too," Tony agreed.  "Well, I wasn't bossy. I was just loud."

 

"Family is the best," Bucky said softly.  "We love you too, Hells."

 

"So so so so so much," Natasha cooed.

 

"Little or big, you guys are my family now," Helen promised.  

 

"Yeah," came the chorus of agreement.  

 

"Mommy crying," Natasha whispered, her head poking up from the cuddle pile like a little gopher out of a hole.

 

"Yeah, she was watching us at the door and she ran away crying," Bucky acknowledged, knowing she had been there the whole time.  "Seemed like those happy sad tears.  Hells, you sure Ma is okay?"

 

"She'll be GREAT, I promise," Helen nodded, sworn to secrecy.  Darcy felt it was imperative not to let Bucky and Natasha know this secret before their decision had been made.  Helen sort of agreed, but she really loved telling secrets, especially to the other three children in the cuddle pile with her.  "I'll make sure of it."

 

* * *

 

"You are so brave, Hells," Sam shook his head down at the girl who had hopped up on the little platform directly in front of the machine that Pym and company had built.  

 

"Why shouldn't I be?" Helen shook her head in confusion.  "You said it didn't hurt.  And I'm ready, I liked being little, I did, but I'm ready to be a grown up again, now."

 

"Alright, good.  I'll see you on the other side," Sam smiled down at her, reaching down for one last, fierce miniature hug.  "I love you, Hells."

 

"I love you too, Cookiebutt!" Helen said with real excitement.    Sam walked away and Helen looked at his butt objectively.  She still didn't quite understand why she called him that, but she was sure she'd remember once she got growed up again.  

 

Darcy and Steve were standing in front of the girl now.  Darcy couldn't help the quivering of her bottom lip or the tears leaking out of her eyes.  Steve was fighting valiantly, wanting to give Helen one last happy look at them from her small, young perspective, but it wasn't working.  Seeing Darcy  tear up automatically had his tears at the forefront, he didn't understand why.

 

When Darcy had gone off about the dental hygienist the night before, he'd almost starting crying in sympathy.   If it hadn't of been so absurd for Darcy to be jealous of a woman he'd only shared a very boring, very unsatisfying peck of a kiss with, he might have.

 

"Mommy and Daddy, I love you so much," Helen said resolutely.  "But you gotta go back in the safe room while I get zapped, and then I'll come hug you when I'm big again, I promise.  We still don't know what kind of radiatornation comes out of this procedure, so Mommy and her lady parts and Daddy and his seedman have to go be safe now."

 

"I love you, baby girl," Darcy whispered at her, giving her one last hug and a kiss on her cheek.  She sighed happily when Steve simply wrapped the both of them up in a hug.  

 

"You're the best little bossy pants that ever was," Steve ran a hand down shiny black locks.

 

"Even better'n you?" Helen wondered in amazement.  "Bucky said you were awful bossy when you were little."

 

"Yes, even better than me," Steve promised.  He kissed the girl on the top of her head.  "Be brave, my brilliant bossy pants.  We'll see you soon."

 

Helen didn't have to summon bravery as Darcy and Steve walked away slowly to the safety of the observation room.  Sammy had told her it didn't hurt at all.  And she always trusted Sammy, no matter how old she was.  Helen was excited.  She knew that even if it was a catastrophic accident that had forced this second childhood on them, that she was glad it had happened.

 

She'd had the best time EVER  being little.  And she got parents out of the deal.  And three siblings and partners in crime that she would love forever and ever and ever and ever...

 

"Five...four...three...two..." Vision calmly announced.

 

The sound was strange, and when Helen opened her eyes, she was a lot taller.  The hospital gown she had been wearing prior to the procedure suddenly seemed to fit more reasonably.  The long leggings she had on before were now more like knee length shorts.  

 

Her hands began searching out things on her body immediately.

 

Hips?  Check.  

 

Cheekbones? No longer covered with baby fat.

 

Hair?  Thankfully the blunt, forehead scratching bangs were gone.

 

Boobs?  Yes, they were back, and seemed normal.

 

She jumped down off of the platform and made a run for the door to the observation room, and it opened before she could pound on it and suddenly she was in Sam Wilson's arms, being squeezed as hard as he could and swung around.

 

Helen pulled back just enough to allow her lips to land against Sam's and she kissed him as hard and as indecently as she wanted.  Truth be told, it was highly indecent.

 

"DISGUSTING!" Tony roared out.  "Hells bells, that's just the grossest thing I ever saw!"

 

"Get used to it, squirt," Sam taunted.

 

Helen managed a laugh, looking back to a proud and happy (and still very tearful) Darcy and Steve.  She blew kisses to the two of them, knowing that Sam wasn't about to drop her any time soon.  Their reaction was adorable and identical and something they had both done when Helen had been on the teacups with Tony at Disney World.  They each raised the hand not currently wrapped around the other and caught the kiss, pressing it to their heart.

 

"This is the best feeling ever," Helen declared joyfully.

 

Because it WAS the best feeling she'd ever had.  She felt so loved.  She had just said goodbye to her grandfather the night before and could remember the loving hug and kisses clearly.  She could feel that even though her three siblings seemed annoyed by how Sam was hogging all of the grown up Helen, they were still happy for her.  Her parents, because they were the only mother and father she had known, really, were beaming with happiness for her.

 

And Sam.  Sam Wilson, the great love of her life.  He'd been so good and patient with her, even when he had been a hormonal teenager (after that first rough day).  He'd willingly offered himself up as a science experiment in order to figure out how to get her back.  He'd helped her keep meatballs from touching pasta and he'd told her to not let the bed bugs bite as a four year old.  She loved him so much, and now they were finally back at the same place, the same age (nearly) and they had everything to look forward to.  

 

"Marry me, Sam," Helen demanded bossily.

 

Steve's eyes went wide and he pulled Darcy in tighter as his wife began to audibly tear up.  

 

"I had a plan," Sam lamented.  "I had a whole date---where I dressed up---"

 

"As Prince Eric?" Tony demanded.  "Cause you promised to give her a better date than the one we gave Mom and Dad.  Like that's possible!"

 

"Just agree to marry me right now, and then you can ask again later any way you want," Helen promised.

 

"Yes, yes of course, I'll marry you," Sam laughed, pulling back and kissing her again.  "No one on  the face of the Earth could compare to you, Helen Cho."

 

" _ Doctor  _ Helen Cho," Bucky reminded him helpfully.

 

"Suck it Barnes!" Sam ordered.

 

"Hey!  That's my brother.  Be nice," Helen ordered, wiggling so that Sam would place her on her feet.  "OH! I remember what it is.  Stop saying that to him!  He's SIX!"

 

"Christ, that's going to be fucking annoying," Sam sighed.

 

"Watch your fucking mouth around the kids," Helen ordered, reaching around him nonetheless.  She grabbed two big handfulls of Sam's rear end and squeezed.

 

"DISGUSTING!" Tony yelled as Bucky went to shield Natasha's eyes.

 

"I wanna take a bite out of it," Helen laughed.  She made an excited noise.  "OH!  That's why I call you Cookiebutt!"


	33. Little Anthony is a Real Boy, Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you like to laugh and cry? then you should read this chapter. Happy Monday!

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Little Anthony is a Real Boy, Now**

* * *

 

Tony was fed up with this whole business.  He had had it up to  _ here _ .  Here was generally somewhere up around Steve's earlobes.  All things considered, it was a pretty high amount of fed up.  First, Sammy had grown up, and while it might seem that the way in which Bucky and Tony needled Sammy would indicate them not liking him, the opposite was true.  They liked that Sammy would needle back, like they were just normal people and not like, people who had really, really, REALLY bad post dramatic address and order.

 

And if they got a little too mean with their needling of each other, no one had their feelings hurt for too long.  It was really just ten minutes of pouting before it became unbearable to continue and then fun was had again.  Tony was really enjoying the fun and he had a feeling that growing up would be okay, but the fun might decrease as more adult stuff crowded back in.  He was FOR SURE positive that he, Bucky and Sam wouldn't be allowed to send drones out to pinch at Agent Agent's bottom when he was on missions.  

 

Steve didn't even reprimand them for it.  Something about how Agent Agent stole Darcy's ipod and then lied to the whole crew about being deadzors for like, years.

 

So yeah, Sammy was cool to have around, but then he got all growed up again, and one of the first things he did was just take off.

 

Sure, he drove to the pizza place and got the boneless wings that Bucky and Tony really loved a lot, but still.  

 

And then Hells Bells got all growed up again, and she had hugged and kissed Sammy (disgusting, to be honest), and not half an hour later, she was grabbing Mom and taking her somewhere.  

 

It was RIDICULOUS.  Helen was growed up now, and didn't need cuddles and kisses as much as Tony and Bucky and Nats did anymore.  But there she went hogging up one whole hour of Tony's precious cuddle time left.  He only had forty-seven more hours!  And sure, Sam had eaten up most of that hour by taking Bucky and Tony flying in his suit, but Tony wanted to make sure Helen wasn't going to be selfish with his Mom for the next forty-seven hours.

 

He pounded on the lab door which was somehow not opening for him.  

 

"Hola Friday!" he called out.  "Open the stinkin' door!  This is absolutely ape-trollish behavior, young lady and I will make sure you pay for it!"

 

"No can do, El Jefe," Friday said sadly.  "How about we play a game together while Mamacita gets some things finished up with Hells Bells?"

 

"No, it's MY turn to say goodbye to my Mom for two days straight!" Tony stamped his feet.  "Hells got to say goodbye for two days straight, and hug and kiss and cuddle Mom and Dad and tell 'em how much she loved them.  It was DISGUSTING, and now I want MY turn!"

 

"Let's sing the patience song, El Jefe!" Friday encouraged patiently, thankfully not a real person that could throttle the little boy.  "Mamacita and Hells Bells are SO close to being done."

 

"What could be more important than making sure I get just as many cuddles as Hells?!" Tony whined.  Loudly whined.  Shouted really.  He was definitely making a spectacle of himself.  "REMIND HER I PAY HER HER MONIES!"

 

"Tony," Steve sighed as he came rushing down the hallway. "I've been looking for you everywhere.  Sam said you wandered off while Natasha and Bucky ran off to the weapons room."

 

"Hells is hogging Mom and it's NOT FAIR!" Tony shouted.  "She's growed up now, and she shouldn't get more cuddles than me and Bucky and Nats!  STOP HOGGING HER HELLS!"

 

"Maybe Mom and Hells are busy with grownup stuff," Steve suggested, staring at the lab door that remained closed.  He knew that Darcy was concerned about how moody she had been in the last few days, and grown up Helen might be able to assist.  Steve honestly wasn't concerned about Darcy's mood swings.  This was a really tough thing they were going through.

 

It was something that a grown Sam had referred to as Empty nest syndrome times five, spread out over a week and a half.  Steve understood, and had found that he was having trouble waking up in the mornings, something that rarely happened.  But at the prospect of watching another one of his kids magically turn into an adult was kind of making things a little dim and gray.  

 

"I DON'T LIKE SECRETS!" Tony screamed, banging on the lab door.

 

"Pal, ease up, you know if you scream, Bucky and Nats will come running with weapons drawn and I don't feel like getting punched in the boy parts today," Steve gave him a self-deprecating smirk.

 

"Yeah, whatever," Tony sighed.  "I guess you need the watering can if we're gonna get a little brother."

 

"Yeah," Steve smiled.  That hopeful feeling bloomed in his heart, making him feel pleasantly warm all over.  He knew that whether he and Darcy could conceive or whether they would adopt, that someday, a little person would be looking UP to Tony and the rest of his kids with love and adoration.  "Hey, maybe your Mom is in there talking over lady business with Hells?  You know, trying to make that little brother happen faster?"

  
  


"Oh," Tony sighed, all the winds flying from his sails immediately.  He shrugged and nodded, "Then that's okay.  But if it lasts longer than another hour, then that's gonna be a problem!"

 

The door to the lab opened then and a beaming, happy Darcy stepped out, fairly glowing with happiness.  Helen followed and she seemed almost as happy, but she didn't look as glowy as Darcy.  

 

"Sorry guys, we just had to get some stuff straightened out," Darcy knelt on the ground and reached out to pull Tony into a hug immediately.  

 

"Everything alright?" Steve blinked at Helen in true concern.

 

"Of course," Helen waved him off in that bossy way of hers, never mind that it was two feet higher than it had been that very morning.  "Don't worry about it, Dad.  Mom is fine."

 

Steve wanted to pursue it further, he knew Darcy wasn't FINE.  Last night she had sobbed intensely for five minutes when a tissue commercial came on, and then she'd recovered quickly and pounced on him for the evening news.  Something was up, but he also trusted Darcy with---well, with everything.  So if she wanted him to know what was happening, she'd certainly tell him.  In the meantime, he didn't mind fetching tissues for her (or letting her blow her nose in the sleeve of his shirt), and he certainly didn't mind being pounced upon.

 

"Now, little brother---" Helen smiled down at Tony indulgently.

 

"I'm your OLDER brother!" Tony pointed at Helen in accusation, as if she had just admitted to stealing candy from a baby.

 

"Technically, you're littler than me right now," Helen stared down at him, her mouth pursed in teasing.

 

"That's it, I'm not paying for your wedding anymore, and I'm DEFINITELY gonna cancel the mariachi band!"

 

* * *

 

Lunch time (Tony's favorite Chinese food served buffet style) in the cafeteria was with the whole family, thank goodness, and with Tony having the seat of honor, tucked tightly between Steve and Darcy on the bench.  He slurped down as many noodles as possible before gorging himself on sugar coated donuts.  

 

"What's your last two days gonna be like, Nats?" Tony wondered curiously as he watched the baby girl crush fortune cookie after fortune cookie, tossing the scraps of paper into the trash before inhaling the cookie dust she had created.  "I think that I should have Friday order enough chocolate to fill the swimming pool!"

 

"NO," Steve said quickly.  He looked up at the ceiling and said, "Hola Friday, please do not fill the swimming pool with chocolate.  Or food.  Or anything but water, really."

 

"Normal chlorinated pool water that is not colored or altered in any way," Darcy piped in helpfully, holding up a hand for a high five from her husband.

 

"That hardly seems like a fun adventure," Friday grumbled.  She really seemed to dislike it when Darcy and Steve closed up the loopholes.  

 

"BORING," Tony agreed.

 

"You know, pal, sometimes a little boring is nice," Steve told him confidentially.  "Not everything has to be a big, loud, dangerous adventure.  The best things happen when it's calm and quiet."

 

Tony wrinkled his nose and looked up at Steve in disbelief.  He then looked across the table and saw that Bucky had a pair of chopsticks in his metal hand, a giant piece of fried shrimp halfway to his mouth.  His brother was suddenly shocked and looked kind of livid a Steve’s words.  Good.  He wasn't losing it then.  

 

He and Bucky shared a look and wordlessly decided on how this was going to go.

 

"Pop, you're a hippo crate!" Bucky accused.  

  
  


"Hungry hungry hippo crate," Natasha nodded before smashing another fortune cookie with her fist.  

  
  


"You like adventure and fun just as much as the next guy, Pop, maybe even more so cause a the serum makes you want smashing and crashing and stuff," Bucky said knowledgeably.

 

Natasha grinned and smashed another fortune cookie extra hard to make her point.

 

"Hold on one second here," Darcy held up her hand as if asking a question in class.  "Are you saying that being married to me is a little bit boring?"

 

"Uhoh," Sam whispered from the end of the table where Helen was perched on his lap.

 

"Sweetheart," Steve began earnestly, looking around desperately for tissues as Darcy's eyes welled up with tears.  "A little boring just means less explosions, is all.  Having you in my life is the biggest adventure I've ever done, and it's my favorite, too."

 

Tony wrinkled his nose as his mom processed that and to his horror, his Dad's earnest honesty seemed to be working.  Tony remembered his real dad, trying to sweet talk Tony's real mom about something.  Late nights.  Or ladies in bunnie costumes at a mansion.  Maybe about something about getting a maid into trouble.  Either way, Tony's real mom had been mad, and Tony's real dad had tried to smooth it all over.  

 

But he had not had Steve's honesty.  He also had not had Steve's earnestness.  And Howard Stark definitely had not had that sort of innate goodness that made a person believe what they were saying.  Tony watched in fascination as his current Dad reached over and wiped at a tear on Darcy's cheek with a clean napkin, then gently brushed his fingertips on her face in a loving gesture.

 

"I love you," Steve said softly.  "Sure, every once in awhile, my blood runs a little hot, but once Tony is grown up again, I'll have him throw on the suit and beat the crap out of me."

 

Darcy sniffled and smiled.  "That's the sweetest thing."

 

Tony blinked in confusion and looked over to Bucky for help, but his brother only shrugged, clearly not understanding what was happening either.

 

"OH! HEY!" Tony squawked indignantly as Darcy threw herself at Steve, having Tony squashed in the middle of a ginormous smooshy chest and a rock hard wall of a chest.  "I CAN'T BREATHE! HELP!  NATS!  HELP!"

 

Natasha was cooing though, her fist mid strike of another cookie as she greedily watched her parents embrace with Tony in the middle.  

 

"SO CUTE!"

 

* * *

 

"What are you doing here, you safety cone colored hair beauty queen?!?" Tony demanded as Steve led the children into the gymnasium building.  

 

"Oh, you didn't know?" Pepper looked down at him, gently mocking and clearly just aiming to rile the six year old.  "I'm here to annoy you.  Your parents are gonna lock me in a closet with you so I can torture you with the color of my hair."

 

"Pepp," Darcy warned as Tony looked absolutely horrified.

 

Pepper didn't roll her eyes.  Namely because the only thing more terrifying than pissing a grown up Natasha off was pissing off this terrifying new creature that was Mom Darcy.  Darcy had always been Natasha's little protege in her ways of cunning, calculated retribution.  Tony didn't often stray from what he was allowed to do as long as Darcy Lewis, Official Avenger's Babysitter, was in house.  She was that good even as an adult.

 

But motherhood made her even more menacing.  She would protect these children with her dying breath.  Even if Pepper meant no harm in her continued teasing of little Tony, if it displeased Darcy, then Pepper had a feeling the young mother would figure out how to make Pepper pay.  It would probably involve either her vast holdings with Stark Industries...or more likely Pepper's coveted shoe collection.

 

Either way, Pepper toed the line.  She wasn't tempting fate or an angry mama bear.

  
  


"Yeah, PEPP," Tony mocked.  "Whaddya gotta say now, you Tushian goddess of a pain in my butt?"

 

"Tony," Darcy said calmly, her mouth a thin controlled line.  

 

"Yes, Mom?" Tony asked with false innocence and sincerity, like he was a clawless kitten.  He didn't understand why Pepper had hidden a laugh behind her hand.

 

"Did you mean Titian?" Darcy asked curiously.  

 

"That's what I said," Tony shrugged.  The kids had always found encouragement in Helen since they had originally changed to just sort of go for it vocabulary wise.  They had these big words in their heads and who cared how they got them out, or what they sounded like, just so long as they got their points across.  

 

But sometimes it came out a little funnier than any of the adults were ready for.  They didn't want to laugh at the kids for trying to use their big words.  But it was a trying experience.  Just once Bucky had asked Tony what the 'cockulations' were on one of their projects and it had Steve and Darcy diving for the nearest closet to fall into and laugh their heads off.

And then there had been the time Tony had called jalapenos a "hollow penis".

Steve had managed to remain stone faced, but Darcy had lost it, but covered it with a sneeze.

 

They didn't want to discourage the kids from being smart.  And they definitely didn't want to crush their egos by laughing in their faces.

 

"Tony, how do you know what Titian is?" Steve asked thoughtfully, hoping that maybe the boy had an interest in art that they could talk about and explore once Tony was all grown up again.  

"Those are the ladies with the pretty hair and the fun butts," Tony said nonchalantly.  "I like a Tushian lady, don't I?"

 

Pepper RAN away, cackling madly.  He certainly did like them.  

 

* * *

 

"Welcome....to the thunderdome."

 

Tony, Natasha and Bucky blinked up at their loving mother in astonishment.  She was standing in front of a large black curtain that was blocking off the view into the gym, wearing her normal yoga pants and a team jersey in the colors of blue and red.  She'd handed out jerseys to the kids, and all of them, even Helen and Sam were wearing just red jerseys.  

 

"Two teams enter.  One team leaves victorious," Darcy nodded down at them.  "Red...versus blue."

 

The curtain parted, and sure enough, four other adults came out wearing blue jerseys.  Steve, of course went straight for Darcy, wrapping an arm around her and smiling down warmly at his kids.  Maria Hill glared at Natasha, who glared back just as fiercely before raising both of her chubby thumbs and pointing them in a definite downwards gesture.  Rhodey came out next smiling and waving at Tony with that same kind of astonished glee that had been present ever since he'd been reintroduced to his child sized best friend.  

 

Pepper was next and Tony wrinkled his nose and muttered, "Gorgeous crazy cat lady."

 

"Spicy allergic a cats," Natasha reminded him helpfully.

 

"You know what I mean," Tony waved her off gently.

 

"And one last opponent," Darcy warned Tony, giving him a gentle smile.  "He wanted to come and play with you one last time and he absolutely promised to be on his best behavior.  And I wanted one more layer of humiliation heaped on him for what he's done."

 

Bucky blinked at his sweet little mother curiously.  He knew that she was capable of a lot of nasty things if she was provoked.  He remembered that one time while they were waiting for the bad guys to land a few months ago, she had super glued Scott Lang's hands to his own butt because he had eaten all the rationed chocolate without saving even a tiny morsel for grown up Natasha.  And he'd remembered when she'd mouthed off at a security grunt who had stared at Bucky a little too long.  And he'd been a scary grown up then, and not her beloved baby boy.  Darcy fought for people she barely knew, she was relentless when it came to the people she loved.

He watched as the curtain parted and just one glance at the hand gripping the fabric clued Bucky into who it was.  Natasha, clever thing, had already figured it out and was clapping gleefully.  

"Ma," Bucky shook his head in amusement as Peter Parker sheepishly stood there, looking a little scared.  "You're the best."

 

"You're going down enemies of Iron Man!" Tony pointed at the blue team.

 

"Hey!" Rhodey and Steve called out at the same time.  

 

"Sorry, but your team is my enemies and the team of my enemies is my enemy," Tony babbled excitedly.  He winked at his mom obnoxiously.  "Mom is the ref, right?  It don't matter what the game is, we're gonna WIN!  Bucky, bat your eyelashes at Mom, she'll be BUTTER and we can win all the games."

 

"Don't think about it, sweet boy," Darcy warned Bucky, who had automatically listened to Tony and was beaming up at his sweet mother, big baby blues shining as ridiculously long eyelashes fluttered.  "Awww, c'mere little man, I love you so much."

 

"Cheater," Steve accused Bucky as he rushed towards her and hugged her knees as tight as he dared.  

 

"Get used to it, Pop," Bucky stuck his tongue out at Steve, before looking back at Darcy with pure affection and worship.  

 

"I say that this is unfair," Pepper announced.  "The referee is clearly under some kind of magic child spell.  I propose a new referee."

 

"Stop ruining my plans you vile, cruel beautiful hag of the carrot woods!" Tony barked out.

 

"Co-referrees?" Peter suggested helpfully.  "MJ was just gonna watch, but she could totally come and help Mrs. Rogers out?"

 

"One second, supervillain," Tony held up a finger and went back to confer with his team, grabbing Bucky along the way and pulling him into a huddle.  "We see your MJ and have a counting offer.  We want to add Happy as a referee as well."

 

"Uncool, Happy technically works for you," Pepper argued.

 

"No one asked you, you piece of perfect glitter poop!" Tony shouted.

 

"You, tiny pain in the ass, are going to get your butt---metaphorically," Pepper slid nervous eyes to Darcy before back to Tony and squinting at him with faux menace, "put into a sling."

 

"Yeah yeah yeah, I'll believe it when I'm slinging away all the way to Winner Street!" Tony cackled. "Add another ref, I don't care."

 

"Great, Phil?" Pepper smiled to the front door of the gym.  "Care to make sure things are kosher here?"

 

"Agent Agent," Tony whispered with trepidation.  "The fairest of the fair."

 

"Ma won't let us down," Bucky promised Tony.  He looked up at the black curtain and wondered, "What are we playing anyway?"

 

"I'm so glad you asked, my sweet boy," Darcy smiled, going to the wall of the gym and pulling on a golden cord, making the black curtain fall in a shimmery wave to the ground.

 

The gym was no longer the gym.  

 

The gym was made over to be a cartoonish and colorful post apocalyptic war zone, different zones were littered with different debris.  It looked like the far right corner had a plane crash right there.  One of the corners was full of ropes.  Another was full of nuts and bolts and circuitry.  And in the middle was a giant mountain that was probably made out of the same foam that Tony had used to build the Christmas time gingerbread house that Natasha had tried to eat one time too many.  But it was made to look like a multicolored mountain, with brightly colored light up panels that looked like a big gameboard leading to the top.

 

It was like a Mouse trap game, plus the Incredible Machine game, plus the best survivalist movie set they'd all ever seen.  

 

"Welcome to the Tony Games," Darcy announced.  "May the cleverest team climb to the top of Mount Pizza Party, but be warned, there are dangers at every step.  You can build or do anything you want to make sure your team gets to the top first.  The winners are named Grand Masters of All Time.  You get a crown and prizes and everything."

 

Tony looked around with glee, automatically taking inventory of every valuable piece of gear in the pile of nuts, bolts and circuitry.  He figured he could built a whole huge robot that they could all ride on to the top of the mountain.  

 

"This is an overnight kind of game, so you're going to need to come up with shelter...and food," Darcy warned.

 

"Candy?" Natasha asked warily.  She knew Tony and Bucky preferred food that came deep fried and on sticks, but she wouldn't be able to last through the next twenty-four hours without candy.

 

"There's stories of trolls at the base of the mountain that give candy," Darcy winked at her.

 

"Nats bash trolls an take candy," Natasha nodded.

 

"Shit!" Scott Lang squeaked out in worry underneath his cover at the base of the mountain.  "Luis, hands off, let me go, she's gonna bash us!"

* * *

 

 

"Storm's a coming!" Darcy warned, giving Vision and Wanda the thumbs up in the control booth, where they let loose the misting rain machine.  "Better figure out that tent situation, people!"

 

Four hours in, they were at a stalemate.  They'd all found food and water sources.  Delightful ones, even.  Apparently, Agent Sanchez was a roaming creature of the alien planet, and he was essentially a walking, talking food cart that could hand Bucky and Steve corn dogs whenever they even thought of getting a little hungry.  Natasha had terrorized Scott and Luis constantly, until finally they just handed over their entire supply of candy.  

 

But as far as shelter for the coming storm, they were out of luck.  Tony could build the metal skeletons for tents with no problem, but somehow, Peter Parker had gotten ahold of all the fabric in the room.

 

There just wasn't enough metal to build a small house, and none of Team Stark could actually weave rope well enough to create some kind of roof.  

 

"Mom, get outta the rain!" Helen barked at Darcy authoritatively.  "And shouldn't you be visiting the candy trolls of the mountain soon?"

 

"Huh?  Oh yeah!" Darcy nodded.  She ran off to the mountain and came back with something that didn't look very much like candy.  What it was was a specifically designed protein bar that contained a huge amount of calories that Darcy now needed every six hours like clockwork.  It also contained the additional vitamins and minerals that the super soldier baby required.  Best of all, it had some sort of good hormone that balanced out her raging ones.  

 

And it tasted like a yummy granola bar, so Darcy was happy, all things considered.  

 

"I don't want Ma to catch a cold," Bucky said softly as the rain fell in mists.  "We outta build something for her."

 

"I can build something big enough for all of us, but we need that dang tent fabric for the roof," Tony sighed.

 

"I go talk at Daddy," Natasha nodded.  "He give Nats all a things."

 

"No Nats, that's not gonna work," Tony sighed.  "Lemme go talk to Peter and camp-remise."

 

Bucky and Natasha watched as Tony slowly walked to the border between Camp WE-ARE-SO-MUCH-AWESOMER-THAN-YOU and Camp SUCKS-A-LOT.  Steve rushed to meet the boy and sat down to be eye to eye with him.

 

"How's it going, buddy?" Steve wondered.   

 

"Meh, it's a lot of fun, Dad," Tony admitted.  "But we're stuck on getting shelter."

 

"Yeah, us too," Steve nodded.  "You had Nats and Bucky grab up all the soldering irons at the beginning, and I can't bend the metal the proper way or get it to stick together to make the tents. And Peter's webbing isn't working on the material.  Your mom really did her research there."

 

"Will Spider-booger-boy be willing to work with me?" Tony asked hopefully.

 

"Well son, you never know until you ask," Steve said truthfully.  "And it would probably help to not insult him straight off the bat."

 

"He's the enemy though and not just a cause he gave me a wedgie and a wet willie," Tony sighed.  

 

"Tony, when you and I fought last year at the airport and in the Hydra facility, did you think we were enemies, too?" Steve wondered.

 

"Yeah, I guess," Tony shrugged.

 

"And now we're not, right?" Steve smiled.

 

"No, we're not."  Tony’s response was resolute and forceful.  He couldn’t even think about being enemies with Steve or Bucky or Sam anymore.

 

"Why's that?" Steve prodded.

 

"Cause you're my Dad now, DUH," Tony rolled his eyes.  He shrugged and said, "And cause you apologized and I apologized and now we try and treat each other with kindness and love."

 

"Permission to hug the enemy?" Steve called out hopefully.

 

"DENIED!" Maria shouted.

 

Happy blew his whistle forcefully.  "Denial denied, hug away, Cap."

 

Tony grinned as Steve reached over and pulled him into a nearly crushing bear hug.  The little man also got a kiss to his temple too for good measure.

 

"I saw that!" MJ warned.  "If you fraternize with the enemy again, you're gonna get put in the time out box."

 

"Ohhhhhh!" Darcy called out in excitement.  

 

Ten seconds later, Bucky and Nats had joined Tony, and tackled Steve to the ground, smothering him in hugs and kisses.

 

"All four of you, time out box for excessive crossing of enemy lines," Coulson ordered with a little smirk.  

 

"Awwwww, nuts," Helen whined from her place where she was trying and failing to weave cover and shade from ropes.  

 

"C'mere, honey, I got you for cuddles," Sam promised, opening his arms wide.  

 

The littler kids and Steve met Darcy at the box, which was a little closet sized box that was shelter from the storm, complete with a big, comfortable couch.  Darcy and Steve fell onto the couch, cuddled together and the remaining kids piled on.

 

"Nice break, good job Team Lewis-Rogers," Steve commended them.  "We'll do this again in an hour or so and make sure Hells and Sam can join us."

 

"HAHA You thought you could exclude me, but you CAN'T!" Helen laughed, rushing into the penalty box, followed by Sam.

 

"How'd you get in here, Hells?" Bucky asked curiously.  Helen never broke the rules if she could help it.

 

"I pinched Maria Hill's butt," Helen said proudly as she made a little space on the couch for her and Sammy right next to Steve.  "And I made Sam kiss Rhodey right on the mouth."

  
  


"Gross," Tony shivered.  He looked to the door to the penalty box and fought back the urge to glare.  "Parker."

 

"Stark," Peter answered back with false bravado.  "Apparently you can't hug a referee without permission."

 

"You better not a hugged Happy, cause he's MY Happy," Tony advised.

 

"I hugged MJ, dude," Peter sighed in exasperation.

 

"Oh, gross, is she getting deacon tan animated as we speak?" Tony wondered.

 

"Tony," Steve whispered.

 

Tony sighed and big brown eyes looked up at the ceiling.  

 

"Look---when I was a grown up, I was a booger to you.  I get that now," Tony sighed.  "It wasn't nice of me to make a sixteen year old skip school and force him to  go and fight against superheroes and get crushed by a jet."

 

"Ouch," Steve whispered as Darcy pinched at his hip.  He looked sheepish and shrugged at Peter.  "I'm sorry I dropped a plane on you."

 

"No, you didn't know I was a kid," Peter promised Steve.  

 

"I was just desperate," Tony admitted.  "I remember feeling like I was in a tiny box and all the air was getting taken away each time one of my friends went away to fight against me, all cause I tried to follow the rules and do the right thing for the first time like---ever."

 

"I get it," Peter nodded.  

 

"When I'm growed up again, I'll go visit your school and give 'em like, a new science wing and then that teacher'll give you a better grade," Tony promised.  

 

"Thanks, Mr. Stark---" Peter wrinkled his nose a little, it was a little weird to call a six year old that, even if that six year old currently had a goatee drawn in on his chin.  "I'm sorry I tried to get revenge on you when you were little.  It was wrong of me to assault you."

 

Peter eyed Natasha and Bucky warily.  His broken bones had mostly mended after his run in with the tiny assassins.  He didn't want to risk any more.

 

"So, you wanna work together...just for now?" Tony wondered.  "We can build tents and have a big, fun sleepover!"

 

"That sounds pretty great, actually."

* * *

 

The giant tent was about the size of Tony's old penthouse tv pit, and with fifteen people it was a tight squeeze.  Thankfully, Tony, Bucky and Nat still took up only a little bit of room, especially since Bucky plastered himself to Darcy, Natasha plastered herself to Steve, and Tony sprawled out over both of his parents' bodies.  Helen and Sam kept things PG next to them, but still got plenty of appropriate cuddles.

 

"Sorry mom and dad that you didn't get to  _ Oh Hell Sweetheart _ ," Tony said quietly as he drifted off to sleep.  "You can go back to making babies and stuff when I get growed up again."

 

"Hmmm," Darcy hummed happily, running both her hands through brown locks, one on the top of Bucky's head and one on the top of Tony's.  

 

"What do you know about making babies, you little man trollop?" Pepper wondered from her own bunking space next to Rhodey.

 

"I'm a so fist a macated man, lady," Tony waved a hand up in the air non-committally.  "I got loads of smart falling outta my butt!"

 

"Sure, sure," Pepper laughed.

 

"I'm gonna beat your team tomorrow, I swear to---to---your shoes!" Tony decided.  "No offense, Dad."

 

"None taken, buddy," Steve assured him, turning his body ever so slightly so that he could get his cheek against the side of Darcy's head.  "Go on and go to sleep now.  Tomorrow, let's hope we can find something good in the wilds of the Tony Games."

 

"mmmm, waffles," Darcy whispered as she fell off into dreamland.

 

"Mommy tired," Natasha noted.  Because Darcy rarely fell off into sleep before everyone else.  She liked absolute quiet when she fell asleep, and didn't like other people being awake and having fun without her.

 

"Yeah," Bucky blinked up at his mother curiously.  She looked pretty as a picture, but she always did.  Her skin was dewy and pretty in the flickering of the camp lights that Tony had built with Peter and Rhodey's help.  He cuddled in closer to her and haphazardly threw his left arm out, hoping to hold onto Natasha's hand.  His fingertips landed against Darcy's lower stomach though and his eyes widened at what he felt.

 

It was faint and new, but it was steady and fast against Bucky's fingertips.

 

It felt like a second heartbeat thrumming from inside his sweet little mother's belly.

 

"Sleep James," Natasha ordered in Russian as she reached over and bridged the distance between the two and held onto Bucky's hand, her own rapid, baby heartbeat drowning out the new faint vibration Bucky had gotten.  

 

"Okay," Bucky whispered, looking up to the tent ceiling and worrying for another fifteen minutes.

* * *

 

It turned out that the next morning, Agent Sanchez DID have breakfast sandwiches made out of waffles.  And a lot of other portable breakfast options.  They all ate and greeted the day, intent on racing each other to the top of the Mountain by lunch time.

 

“Hey Dad, what did the griddle say to the waffle iron?” Tony asked with a mouth full of waffle sandwich.

 

“Stop buttering me up,” Steve answered back glibly and both Tony, Steve and Bucky fell into hysterical giggles.

 

“Dad jokes,” Sam rolled his eyes fondly, biting back his own chuckles.

 

Reality hit them in the face soon enough though, and Darcy grinned gleefully as Tony realized that you couldn't get to the top of the mountain alone.  Not even your own team would cut it.  There were some squares that would only open with the hands of all the collective women touching specific keys.  There were some squares where Steve's super strength was needed in combination with Tony and Helen's super brains.  There was one memorable square where every single member of both teams was needed on hand to save the Candy trolls (Scott and Luis) from what looked like a real buzz saw aimed at their poor brains.  

 

"Mom, you're just---you never stop, do you?" Tony wrinkled his nose at his mother, who was pleased with how the mountain scaling was going.

 

"Hey, dude, the future of the world depends on this team's ability to work well together," Darcy reminded him.  "And some times I'm not going to be there to force you to do it."

 

"Where will you be?" Peter wondered in concern.

 

"I might be busy," Darcy shrugged.

 

Bucky looked up at his mother discerningly.  He wrapped his arms around her knees once more and pressed his ear to her abdomen, searching out the faint little, fast heartbeat once more.  He smiled when he found it again, feeling everything in him singing happily at the idea that his sweet little mother was in the family way.  He looked to Steve then, and wondered if his Pop knew, but Bucky could tell that he didn't.  

 

He was just normal happy, having his loved ones surrounding him, safe and happy and having fun together.  Normal happy was a sight to behold, and Bucky was glad his old Pop had found normal happy.  If Steve knew that his wife was going to have his baby, Bucky knew Steve would be floating with giddy happiness.  He remembered Steve wanting a family of his own when they were both younger.  

 

"The mountain trolls have a decree!" Scott shouted from the bottom of the mountain.  

 

"The mountain trolls should SHOVE it!" Sam shouted back, having just had to be the bottom of a human totem pole to make it to the next square.  

 

"A carrot haired sorceress must hold hands with a goateed boy wonder for five whole minutes to get past the next square!" Scott yelled.

 

"Awwwwwwww," Tony whined, looking to his mother as if she had betrayed him.

 

"And no arguing!" Luis piped up.  "Arguing means you all slide to the bottom of the mountain and get eaten by trolls."

 

"NATS EAT YOU LOO LOO!" Natasha screeched.

 

"Oh shit, son," Luis panicked.

 

"Just do it," Darcy advised.

 

"But she's a peach haired temptress of evil!" Tony whined.

 

"And you love her very much," Darcy reminded him.

 

"I DO, and that's cause she's a witch!" Tony insisted.

 

"Hold hands," Darcy ordered.  She gave Pepper an arched, dangerous brow.  "And behave."

 

Tony sighed and went to Pepper, holding out his hand petulantly.  To her credit, Pepper only smiled, and took his small hand in hers.  They stayed silent for a minute or two before Tony began to fidget.

 

"Will you be there tomorrow when I get to grow up?" he whispered.

 

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Pepper said quietly.  "If only because I don't think Darcy will try to have a building land on me if I insult you when you're grown up."

 

"Mom just don't get it that insulting is fun sometimes," Tony shrugged.  "Cause her and Dad are adorable fairy tales with each other and only tease a little."

 

"Would you like to yank on my ponytail, Tony?" Pepper wondered congenially.

 

"You know what---I really do!" Tony's eyes lit up with happiness.  "I wanna just yank that carrot hair!"

 

Pepper knelt next to him and nodded, squeezing his hand.  "After we get to the top of this mountain, I'm not going to see you until you're a little taller."

 

"Yeah?" Tony furrowed his brow.  

 

"Yeah, only a LITTLE taller," Pepper smirked.

 

"CHEESE STRAW HAIRED SEED DUCK DRESS!" Tony shrieked right in her face.

 

They managed to make it through five minutes, and sure enough, just around lunch time, both teams made it to the top of the mountain and were all named winners.  Everyone got gift certificates to the Tony Stark funded indoor go-kart track, and in Tony's envelope was five little business cards, each one printed with the following

 

**_GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD._ **

 

"Five cards, pal," Steve said softly.  "Everyone in this room will take one of those cards in the next year, if you find that you're being a little insensitive and want to take a mistake back.  But you only get five.  And you need to make them last, so maybe some time, it'll be good to make amends the old fashioned way, yeah?"

 

"Yeah, if I run outta cards, I'll just buy 'em toys," Tony nodded with all the seriousness in the world.

 

"Sweet," Sam fist pumped ever so slightly.  

 

"No," Steve shook his head.

 

"I know, Dad.  I know," Tony nodded eagerly.  "Words are powerful.  And friendship...friendship is too good to let go."

 

"Yeah, it really is," Steve grinned at the little boy before lifting him up for a bear hug.  "Tony, you make me really proud.  You're a good person.  And I love you."

 

"I love you too, Dad."

 

* * *

 

Bed time was interesting for that last night. Tony absolutely refused to allow Helen to sleep in separate quarters.  So she and Sam slept on an air mattress at the foot of the king sized bed that Tony, Natasha and Bucky were still on.  

 

Bucky woke up before everyone, to the sound of gagging and vomiting in the bathroom at the end of the hall.  He quickly and quietly rushed out of bed, and made it down to the bathroom the little kids used.  He felt absolutely awful when he saw his precious, sweet little mother on her knees at the toilet, retching pathetically.  

 

"Ma, you okay?" Bucky whispered.

 

"Oh, yes, sweetie, I'm okay," Darcy wiped at her mouth and flushed the toilet.  "I think that I ate a bad corndog yesterday, is all."

 

"Nah," Tony said from the doorway.  "You gotta baby in your belly."

 

"Tony, no," Darcy shook her head, her eyes sliding in concern to Bucky.  

 

"I know, cause once the maid got sick all a the time and turns out she had a baby in her belly that she had to get taken care of," Tony wrinkled his nose.  "Mother was real mad at Howard a cause of it too."

 

"Oh, that's---terrible," Darcy nodded.  

 

"Ma, it's okay," Bucky promised.  "I kind of figured it out that you were in a family way. You don't gotta hide it."

 

“How did you know?” Tony wondered.

 

“My fingers can feel the heartbeat, and then my super ears can hear it if I listen just right,” Bucky explained.

 

“Awesome,” Tony grinned.

 

“You can feel the heartbeat?!?” Darcy whispered.  Helen had told her that she’d have to wait a week or so to hear the heartbeat, but apparently the superbaby was having none of that.

 

“It sounds like a lullaby, Ma,” Bucky smiled.  “You don’t gotta keep him a secret.  We’re all gonna be so happy.”

 

"I just want to make sure you and Nats make the right decision," Darcy sighed, taking the little cup of pink mouthwash that Tony had poured for her like a shot of alcohol for her troubles.  "And that you didn't feel that you had to grow up if you didn't want to."

 

Bucky smiled up at his mother, big and proud, but it was Tony that got to her to hug her first.  He sniffled a little bit and Darcy was surprised to see that he was crying.  Bucky wrapped his arms around the both of them and they stood there silent, with Tony crying quietly into Darcy's t-shirt covered hip.

 

"You're the best mother a guy could hope for," Tony mumbled into her hip by way of explanation.  "I mean, I love my real mother, I did.  She was good too.  But...she was always busy and my maid tucked me in and cut up my food for me and made sure I was clean behind the ears, and I just---that little baby in your belly is gonna be so lucky to grow up with you and Dad.  Just like we was so lucky to get you for a few months."

  
  


"Tony, if you don't want to grow up, you don't have to either," Darcy promised.  

 

"No, I want to, I do," Tony nodded, pulling away to wipe at his tears.  "I wanna give that carrot haired sea witch a kiss on the lips."

 

"Okay," Darcy laughed.  

 

"And I wanna be a good man, Mom, I do," Tony said softly.  "And now I know I can.  I’m gonna make you and Dad so proud."

 

"You do, and you  always could, Tony," Darcy promised.  "Because you are a wonderful man, grown or small."

 

"Thanks, Mom," Tony mumbled.  "You still gotta give me cuddles if I'm big though."

 

"And I promise I will," Darcy nodded.

 

"And I get to name your baby," Tony said quickly.

 

"Well---"

 

"And I get to teach him stuff, and buy him anything and everything," Tony quickly rambled.

 

"We'll see," Darcy promised.  

 

"But I definitely get to name him, right?" Tony asked hopefully.  "Cause Tony the Second sounds awesome, right?"

 

* * *

 

When the final tearful kisses were handed out, by Rhodey and Happy and Bucky and Nats and Helen and Sam and then finally Darcy and Steve, Tony felt like he had already been zapped.  He felt Steve's last squeeze of his shoulder and stood on the little platform, staring down the barrel of the machine that had forced him to de-age back into a mostly helpless six year old.

 

"El Jefe?" 

 

Tony looked up and smiled, "Hola, Friday the Explorer."

 

"I made a song about all the fun we've had these past few months," Friday revealed.  "It's called _ Friendship is Rainbow Colored and Amazing and Super Fun.   _ Would you like me to sing it for you? _ " _

 

"That'd be super awesome, Friday," Tony nodded.  "Hit me with it."

 

The sound of ridiculously harsh rock guitars began screeching through the lab and Friday began to sing with a slightly electronic echo to her voice about  _ Friendship _ and  _ Adventures _ and  _ Fun to Last a Lifetime _ as Vision smiled from the control room, happy to see that the programming was finally beginning to take with the Artificial Intelligence system that had replaced JARVIS.  She was beginning to be more creative than Vision sometimes could be.  

 

He took a slight breath and began counting it down.  "Five...four...three...two..."

 

* * *

 

"Holy shit," Tony gasped out when the sound and light receded.  Friday had just finished her thirty second song and he laughed and clapped.  "Super bueno, Friday the Explorer.  I'm proud of you.  Truly."

 

He then ran for the observation door and popped it open, making a run for Darcy and Steve.  He went for the tackle and Helen let out a hissing sound from the corner, and Tony eased up a little on Darcy at least, but not before latching onto Steve tightly, burying his rightly goateed face into the man's chest.

  
  


"My father, he was right about one thing," Tony whispered.  

 

"What's that?" Steve wondered. 

 

"You are the best man," Tony said insistently, his tears wetting Steve's t-shirt.  "Thanks for everything, Pop."

 

"It was a pleasure, Tony, I promise you," Steve swore, his own eyes tearing up.  "I love you, pal."

 

Tony let out a chuckle, half laugh and half of a blast of air from his lungs.  He shook his head and disentangled from Steve slightly to place a kiss on the top of Darcy's head.  "I love you guys, too."

 

A delicate clearing of the throat echoed from the entrance way to the observation room and Tony finally pulled away from Darcy and Steve.  He nodded at Pepper and held up one finger to ask for her to wait.  He gave a long, lingering hug to Helen, who was crying happy tears as well.  He high-fived Sam and then finally He went to Natasha and Bucky and dropped to his knees, hugging both tiny assassins tightly.  

 

“It’s going to be okay,” he promised.  “You can’t even know how good this feels until you feel it.  I promise you.”

 

Tony stood up and held his hand out to Bucky, who fished five little cards out of his pocket and handed them off to him.  The appropriately aged Stark then turned away from his family, wiping tears off his cheeks with his free hand before approaching Pepper.

 

“Carrot haired sea witch,” Tony nodded primly before holding out the five cards to her.  

  
Pepper took them in her hand and her chin began quivering.  Tony had given her every single one of his  _ Get Out of Jail Free Cards _ .  

 

“Forgive me?  Give me another chance?” Tony asked hopefully.  

 

Pepper didn’t trust herself to talk, instead she took a long sniff and gave Tony a little nod before being wrapped up in an embrace.  His goatee scratched at her cheeks as Tony pressed his lips against hers in a soft little caress.  He pulled away and rested his forehead against hers before reaching around her and taking her ponytail and giving it a little tug.

  
Pepper’s chuckle was water and she whispered, “Tony Stark, you little shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then there were two. 
> 
> Pepperony for the win, dudes.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the giggles and the tears!


	34. Teenie Tiny Murder Muppets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! We're almost there. 
> 
> Tears are minimal in this chapter, actually. 
> 
> BUT. we finally get an answer for the Bucky/Nat conundrum....

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Teenie Tiny Murder Muppets**

* * *

  
  


Natasha and Bucky didn’t mind so much when after Tony changed back to normal, he gave Pepper a bunch of kisses, and then he and Helen immediately disappeared.  Steve and Darcy had been kind of shocked about the turn of events, they were sure that Tony and Helen would want to spend as much time as they could with Natasha and Bucky before the last two remaining kids would make their decision.  

 

“I think it means they want to stay little,” Darcy whispered to Steve as they packed an overnight bag.  “Maybe Tony and Helen know that, so they’re not in a rush to say goodbye.  You know, because---”

 

Steve heard the catch in Darcy’s voice and went on high alert.  It had been happening a lot in the last two weeks, and he could understand why.  Darcy was incredibly emotional thanks to watching the kids grow up one by one.  He felt the same way too, but it was hitting his wife a little harder.  She had a hard time getting through each day without a lot of tissues.  He’d come to know that catch in her breath, just a slight little break and he stopped packing their clothing immediately and grabbed for her, pulling her into his body as she continued to speak.

 

“---because maybe they want to stay little.  And let us raise them the right way….I don’t want them to grow up, Steve.  I don’t want to lose my babies,” Darcy broke down into quick tears and Steve was helpless in the face of them.  

 

He wanted to make everything right for her.  He wanted to convince Bucky and Natasha that they should stay young if that was what Darcy wanted.   In that moment, seeing his wife’s distress, he only wanted to make it right for her, by any means necessary.  But the most he could do was hold her and run his hand up and down her back.  

 

Darcy sniffled and shrugged, “But then I see Tony and Helen and Sam and I see how happy they are.  Seeing Tony and Pepper make up today was the most beautiful thing, and Tony is  _ so  _ happy now.  And maybe if they want to grow up they should grow up and live a good life together.”

 

“Uhhhh,” Steve said softly, not really knowing what to say.  

 

Darcy was going back and forth between the two options like crazy.  And what was even worse was that both options seemed to turn on her tears.  She was extremely overwrought, and not like the woman he had married.  Sure Darcy had always been in touch with her emotions, it was one of the things that he loved so much about her.  He never had to guess at what Darcy was feeling, it was plain as day on her face.  And she had been helping him since the moment she had met him, never allowing him to hide behind a clenched jaw and stoic silence.  

 

But this was a little excessive and Steve  _ knew _ something was off.  

 

“Sweetheart?” he whispered, placing a kiss on the top of her head to soften the blow of his suspicion.  “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

 

“Yeah,” Darcy pulled away from him and gave him a beaming smile, her eyes wet and shining with tears.  She sighed as Steve tenderly wiped at the tear tracks down her cheeks.  He was  _ so good _ , she would forever be thankful to Scott Lang for throwing his darned suit on a bunch of other science and turning her kids into kids.  

 

She had no doubt that she and Steve would have eventually gravitated towards each other.  It had already been starting with their working relationship and a genuine interest for the three months they thought the world was in danger of ending.  But everything about their relationship was put into fast forward when they became parents to the quartet of children.  They hadn’t had time to worry or play games or be confused about feelings.  

 

They’d jumped in feet first.  They were blissfully married.  They had three kids that were fully grown and were adoring and adored.  They had two little ones left that they loved so very much.  And Darcy knew, where Steve didn’t, that they would welcome another precious little life into their unconventional family in approximately nine months.  

 

“Until Bucky and Nats make a decision…” Darcy shrugged and smiled.  “I promise, it’s not bad.”

 

“Okay,” Steve nodded, absolutely believing her. 

 

The brilliant grin on her face was enough to sell him on the fact that her secret wasn’t bad.  But he wanted to know the secret too.  He was only human.

 

“Will you feel better if we know, once and for all what they want to do?” Steve wondered.

 

“Yeah, but I don’t want to pressure them,” Darcy reminded him.  

 

“I won’t, but maybe I can get a better idea,” Steve hopefully hypothesized.  He kissed Darcy on the lips, slow and lingering.  “Let me go track down our grown up kids, they might have some insight.  You pack the backup bag for Nats.  The one she’s got for her bug out bag is just full of Reese’s mini-cups.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Do you want the bad news, or the really bad news first?” 

 

Bucky and Natasha looked up at the three adults who used to be in their age group.  They were standing at the conference room table they had set up in their lab space.    Sam had asked the question, looking conflicted and angry.  Helen was standing next to them, chewing on the fingernail of her right thumb, her eyes darting fretfully between Bucky and Natasha at light speed.  Tony looked absolutely miserable, his left hand held over his eyes and rubbing with frustration, which was a shame, because two hours ago, he had looked happier than anything.  

 

Bucky felt really bad that Tony’s good mood had disappeared because of something he had asked him to do.  He stepped forward and reached for Tony’s hand with his left one, just like he had begun doing during their trip to Disney.  Tony wasn’t the biggest fan of people in styrofoam costumes, afraid they might snap and attack for some strange reason.  Whenever one of the characters approached them, Tony had frozen a little, then gotten irrationally, silently angry.  Bucky and Nats had found that holding his hand would stop him from lashing out and saying awful things to Mickey Mouse, so that’s what they did.

 

Tony squeezed at the unyielding metal on Bucky’s hand for a few moments before dropping his other hand from his face and staring down at Bucky with an apologetic face.

 

“You guys have to grow up.  I’m so sorry,” Tony sighed.

 

“It’s not your fault Tony,” Bucky promised him.  He gave him a little smile before looking between Sam, Helen and Tony in equal measure.  “So what’s the baddest news?”

 

“Hidey hide-trash,” Natasha shrugged.  “Nats hear Agent Agent talk about it.”

 

“Yeah,” Sam confirmed, his jaw ticking angrily.  

 

“They know,” Tony acknowledged.  “The chatter feed shows a leak.  It was from that trip to FAO Schwartz.  One of the workers finally broke their NDA and made a couple paltry grand, selling the info to AIM, who traded it to Hydra.”

 

“They’ve gone radio silent,” Sam revealed, he bent down to be at eye level with Bucky and Natasha.  “We have to assume that they’ve put two and two together.  They want the two of you.  They’re going to come after you with everything they have.”

 

“No,” Nats shook her head.  “Daddy ‘n Mommy protects us.”

 

Bucky thought about that for a second.  He knew that Natasha’s statement wasn’t a pipe dream of a toddler.  He knew that she truly believed it.  When he really mulled it over, he realized it was true.  Steve and Darcy would do anything to keep them safe.  Including moving away, maybe even off planet, if Darcy had her way.  But what would that do to the baby in Darcy’s belly?  What kind of life would that be to keep running and fighting?  

 

And if Hydra wanted Bucky and Natasha, there was no doubt that they would want the future child of Steve Rogers.  Bucky looked up and shared a look with Tony, who looked determined.  They wordlessly communicated in a way Bucky had only been able to do with Natasha or Steve before.  It didn’t matter who came for Darcy and Steve’s baby.  They would never succeed.

 

“Was a little bad news?” Natasha looked at Helen.

 

Helen bent over and picked up Natasha completely, holding her close.  Natasha rarely consented to very many people holding her.  Steve and Darcy were preferred.  Thor was an acceptable substitute if necessary.  Mulan/Melinda May was always welcome. But everyone else was unacceptable and Natasha would squirm away, disabling the offending person in the process.  

 

But she cuddled against Helen.  They’d spent hours and hours cuddling together when they were both little, and Natasha found that it felt sort of the same even if Helen was back to her grown-up self.  Natasha burrowed her face into Helen’s neck, chubby fingers squeezing Helen’s shoulder, encouraging her to get the bad news over with.

 

“It’s the serum,” Helen said softly.  “I reran the tests on your samples six times in the last two days.”

 

“We ain’t gonna get bigger like normal kids, are we?” Bucky guessed.

 

Helen shook her head, “Four times slower than average aging rates.  And you both received the serum as adults last time around, I don’t know what it’s going to do to your systems through puberty when you get there in the next two decades or so.”

 

Natasha turned her head away from Helen’s shoulder and stared down at Bucky.  This little adventure had been fun.  It had been  _ life changing _ fun.  They knew based on what they had witnessed with Sam, Helen and Tony that they would bring with them the good that they had accumulated.  

 

Everything would be better.  And they could start their lives the right way.  Working together and protecting their family.  ---And sharing those grown up kisses that Helen and Sam, and Tony and Pepper seemed to enjoy so much.  

 

“Okay, James,” Natasha said softly.  Her next words were in Russian, “Nats is ready to go on a trip with you.”

 

Bucky smiled and nodded.  He was ready to go on that particular journey as well.  

 

“One thing though?” Bucky looked to Tony hopefully.  

 

“Name it, bro,” Tony nodded eagerly.  He looked at Bucky and then Nats and he tilted his head slightly to the right as he thought about it.  A lightbulb went over his head when he realized what Bucky would want.  “I’ll start working with Vision and Wanda right away.”

 

“Good,” Natasha sighed in relief, knowing what Bucky wanted.  

 

“Sorry it’ll take time from Miss Pepper,” Bucky said genuinely.  “I’ll go an explain it to her so she knows why you can’t take her out on a date.”

 

“Are you kidding?  No wingman needed on this one,” Tony laughed.  “Pepper ran to New York to tie up some loose ends with Stark Industries.  She’s taking a vacation with me when you guys are aged up properly.  She’s gotta make sure the company can survive a month without her.  And then you guy are Iron-man less for that month two.  Unless someone comes to get Mom because of---”

 

Tony cut himself off and looked to Natasha warily.  She waved him off with a chubby hand and squirmed until Helen put her down on the ground.  She looked back up at Tony with a wry little smile.

 

“Nats knows about a baby, duh,” she smirked between Bucky and Tony.  “Nats sing a baby brover lullybies before Mommy wake up inna morning.”

 

“Wait, what?” Sam raised a hand, clearly confused.

 

“How did you---” Helen gaped at her, but couldn’t finish her question because Steve barged right into their workspace.

 

“HEY!  You can’t just come in here without an appointment, we went over this Pop!” Tony scolded petulantly.  “This is kids only space, we can’t have an old man cramping our superhero style!”

 

“Tony,” Steve scolded, not one iota differently than he had days ago when a six year old Tony had decided that Friday the Explorer should only unlock doors for people if they could solve nonsensical riddles and/or knock knock jokes.  

 

Steve looked around at his kids.  Sam as confused, gaping down at Natasha, who was smiling smugly at everyone.  Helen was red in the face, a sure sign the woman had a secret, that was also no different than when she had been little.  She flushed up like a tomato whenever she had a secret (which was rare with an oversharing Helen).  Bucky had his eyes up on the ceiling, all fake innocence and feigned nonchalance.  If the boy could whistle, Steve was sure he’d be forcing out a tune to try and look even more normal.

 

Tony was stressed.  Steve could tell.  The little line between the man’s brows was prominent and it looked like he was grinding his teeth.  Steve went straight for Tony, ignoring the fact that the other four people in the workspace clearly had a secret.  He put his hands on the man’s shoulder and looked at him searchingly.

 

“You okay, pal?  You look worried,” Steve said gently.  “You’ve been grinding at your teeth?  Mom told you that you shouldn’t clench your jaw like that or you’re going to give yourself a heck of a headache.”

 

Tony tried to shrug out of Steve’s hold but found he couldn’t, so instead he settled on huffing out in annoyance, “I’m  _ fiiiiiine _ .”

 

“Whining,” Helen reminded him.  

 

“Rude,” Tony shot back at her.

 

“You want me to go get that mouth guard?” Steve wondered.  They usually only made Tony wear it at night so he wouldn’t grind at his teeth so badly.  Steve sighed and shook his head, “I guess we’ll need to get you a bigger one to wear at night, seeing as you’re not exactly six anymore.”

 

“I don’t need a damned mouthguard!” Tony gasped out in horror.

 

“Language,” Sam reminded him helpfully, looking very much like a cat that ate the cream.

 

“Unnecessary!” Tony glared at Sam.  

 

“Friday the Explorer?” Steve asked.

 

“Hola Papi!” Friday chirped.

 

“Hey, hey, hey!  I didn’t get a chance to turn her off yet!” Tony called out.

 

“If Tony and I sing the Friendship song, will you take measurements for his mouth and scan his teeth so we can get him a new mouthguard?” Steve wondered.

 

“NO!” Tony screamed, stamping his foot down decisively.

 

“Temper temper,” Natasha sing songed cheerfully.

 

Tony wrinkled up his nose in annoyance, and finally, in a fit of pique, pointed at Bucky and then Natasha and then Bucky again and announced petulantly,

 

“Bucky and Nats want to grow up now and I’m gonna go work with Vision and stupid-face Pym so they can do it together in one go!!  SO THERE!”

 

“Mature,” Bucky rolled his eyes at Tony’s complete lack of finesse.  

 

Steve blinked down at Bucky and Natasha, getting more than he had hoped for when he had come looking for Tony and Helen.  He nodded and crouched down, one hand going for Bucky’s shoulder and the other going for Natasha.  

 

“Are you sure?” Steve wondered quietly, fingers going for red curls and brown locks at the same time, feeling the baby softness of both of them gently and almost indulgently, knowing immediately that he would have less than forty-eight hours to have these beautiful children as  _ children _ .  

 

“Yup Daddy,” Nats said resolutely.  She looked to the rest of the crew, somehow conveying that they should keep their mouths shut as to their reasoning.  She shrugged and grinned goofily.  “Nats wanna kiss Bucky so much now!  Like Mommy an Daddy kissin!  AnTony an Spicy!  An Hells an Sammy!  SO MUCH KISSIN’!”

 

Bucky turned beet red and wriggled under Steve’s sudden discerning look.  He held up a metal thumb and nodded.  “All of the kissing.”

 

* * *

 

“C’mon, kids, let’s go!  Nats, if you’re packing more candy, I am gonna give you a time out, I swear!” Darcy scolded.

 

They had a trip planned for the kids.  Now that they knew that Bucky and Natasha had decided to be re-aged, everything seemed so much more settled.  Darcy felt calmer and less emotional.  Sure, she was still weeping every fifteen minutes, but that was a vast improvement over the previous emotional rollercoaster she had been on prior to Helen figuring out her current hormone balance problem.  

 

“NO!” Natasha yelled out.

 

“What do you mean,  _ no _ , young lady?!?” Darcy felt her voice rising, which hardly ever happened with any of the kids, really.  She stomped herself back to the room that Natasha and Bucky had disappeared to after being sobbed and snotted over when Steve had brought them back to the room and made the re-aging announcement.  “You do not get to tell Mommy,  _ no _ , I don’t care how old you are.  You knew you could never tell me no when you were an adult, and that didn’t change with your diaper!  So you stop sassing me and get your cute little kiester out here, because we have a schedule to keep!”

 

“NO!” Natasha called out gaily.  

 

“Nats, you are being very bad!” Darcy yelled, halfway to hysterical tears again.  She put her hand on her lower belly and sighed.   She was sure this kid was going to be her undoing.  She’d been emotional before, but she was pretty good at hiding them behind a mask of sass and attitude when necessary.  Her hormone levels were ridiculous, and Helen was sure they would only get worse.  

 

The very last thing she needed was thirty-six hours with a two year old who refused to listen to anything she said.  Especially since they were expected to get their behinds to the quinjet so they could go to Hershey, Pennsylvania, literally, the sweetest place on Earth for the little sparkly murder princess who was being very unreasonable at the moment.

 

“Baby, please, you can’t do this to me right now!” Darcy called out anxiously.  “I just need you to cooperate, and let me take you to Hershey and feed you chocolate, and put you on a carousel and cuddle me, because I want to make you happy and I want to  _ hold _ you and Mommy is just having a really strange time of it these past couple days and please?”

 

“No Mommy,” Natasha giggled, opening the door to the bedroom she had shared with her siblings.  

 

Sam and Helen were standing their, looking a little guilty at having done what was done.  The room was dismantled, the large king sized bed that the kids had called their own the last few months, in its place was a giant blanket and pillow fort, making Steve’s original bedroom into a soft and cozy palace.

  
“Nats not need choco-town,” Natasha waved Darcy off.  “Too much work and danger-y.  Nats wanna spend all the cuddles in cuddley town.”

 

Darcy furrowed her brow.  Natasha wasn’t supposed to know about the danger.  Phil Coulson had come to Steve and Darcy days ago with his concerns about Hydra.  They had contingency plans in place.  They had escape routes and escape venues.  Heimdall was on call, ready to open up a portal to safety for the family if Hydra came calling too quickly.  It had been an easy task to accomplish, when all was said and done.  Planning against a Hydra attack was less emotionally daunting than worrying over whether Natasha and Bucky would want to grow up or not.

 

“C’mon,” Natasha dragged Darcy to the coziest looking corner of the room.  The tiny tot pointed at Helen and Sam and said, “You go an getta chocolate founty.”

 

“What now?” Darcy blinked, letting the toddler push and pull her gently into the corner, sneaking a kiss on the cheek from both Helen and Sam on their way out.

  
“Nats wanna chocolate founty,” Natasha shrugged.  “Bucky wanna hot dog wagon and Nats wanna chocolate.”

 

“We were going to go get you chocolate.  In Chocolate Town!” Darcy laughed as Natasha gently pushed her onto a throne of pillows, and then began immediately piling soft fleece blankets on her.  

 

“Nats wanna cuddle,” the baby insisted.  “No plane, no town, just cuddles.”

 

“Oh baby,” Darcy smiled, holding open her arms.  Natasha jumped eagerly up and down, but instead of jumping into her arms, she went under the covers Darcy had piled on top of her and kissed Darcy’s belly repeatedly. 

 

“Hi brover! Hi! Hi!  Is Nats!” Natasha cooed.   “Nats love you SO much!”

 

“Wait, what?” Darcy demanded.   Natasha began singing a lullaby in Russian to the super zygote and Darcy couldn’t help the tears that fell.  “Nats, did Bucky tell you?  Or Tony?  Or Hells?”

 

“Mommy so silly,” Nats laughed.  “Nats know all the things.”

 

“Nats, this isn’t the reason you wanted to be big, is it?” Darcy wondered, her hands going under the covers and running through Natasha’s soft red curls.  

 

“No, Nats wanna be big again,” Natasha promised.  “Don’t worry, Mommy.”

 

“I’m not worried,” Darcy assured her. “I just want only good things for you, my sweet girl.”

 

“Mommy, Nats got all a good things,” Natasha rubbed at Darcy’s belly happily.  “Nats got brovers and a sister.  And Mommy and Daddy.  And Nats got James.  Nats got all a things.”

 

* * *

 

“Can we get one of those hot dog wagons at the commissary?” Tony wondered eagerly as he finished his fourth Coney Island hot dog.  

 

While Natasha’s chocolate fountain was delivered and set up in Steve’s kitchen, there was no way the hot dog cart could fit through the door to the Captain’s quarters.  Instead, it was in the little foyer of the residential facility, run by Scott, who was apparently adept at all things hot dog.  

 

“I’ll even pay Lang to run it,” Tony insisted generously.  “I’ll up your pay from Baskin Robbins by ten percent, at least.”

 

“You little fucking shit,” Scott muttered.  He grinned with definite delight and pointed at Tony victoriously.  “See, I can say things like that to you again, because you’re not an adorable child anymore, you’re now an obnoxious man child.  You’re a little shit, and I hate you.”

 

“Lang,” Steve warned, holding up his own (seventh) hot dog, pausing his bite to glare at Scott.

 

“I see how it is now, you put your pseudo-kid before your loyal teammate,” Scott tried to be outraged but could only shrug at himself as he went about preparing Bucky’s ninth hot dog.  “I understand man, I’d be the same way with Cassie if she grew up to be a heinous tool bag.”

 

“Doubtful, your kid is way awesomer than you,” Tony interjected helpfully.

 

“I’m spitting in your next dog, dude,” Scott warned.

 

“Lang,” Bucky shook his head in disappointment. 

 

“Dammit, he’s so cute,” Scott sighed.  “Fine, no spit dogs.”

 

“Can you make one of these for Darcy?” Steve wondered.  He shoved his hot dog in his mouth and spoke through a mouth full of food, “She was knee deep in chocolate when we went upstairs last time and didn’t want a hot dog.”

 

“No, no, Ma doesn’t want a hot dog,” Bucky said quickly.

 

“But Scott has cut up onions, she loves hot dogs with cut up onions,” Steve disputed.  

 

“No,” Bucky insisted.

 

“Why not?” Steve blinked down at Bucky curiously.  Bucky may have been a great assassin when he was the Winter Soldier, but a super spy he was not.  And whether he was old or young, Steve could tell when he was hiding something.  It was like his mouth wanted to let out a secret, but he had to force it not to, making his little mouth curve just a little more downward. 

 

He’d had the same problem all throughout his life.  Steve could always tell when Bucky was leaving something important out of a conversation.  The last time he had done it to Steve had been in 1944, when Bucky was trying to cover up for the fact that Gabe Jones had gone off and gotten a local French lady in some trouble.  He’d snuck off one night to marry the girl, intent on making things right and making the baby legitimate, but it had required subterfuge for Peggy and Steve.  Bucky was never great at subterfuge.

 

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Bucky yelled.  “PUNK!”

 

“Hey!” Steve exclaimed, his eyes going wide in surprise.  He bent down and picked up Bucky before he could run away and stared at him.  “What’s the big idea here, pal?”

 

“LEMME GO!” Bucky shouted at the top of his lungs.

 

“Uh oh,” Sam muttered.  “You know what yelling brings?”

 

“HEY!” Natasha screamed as she ran into the foyer.  “PUT NATS’ JAMES DOWN DADDY!  YOU’S PISSING ME OFF!”

 

Natasha didn’t wait for Steve to comply.  She simply attacked.  She was at the very least a little gentle and less ruthless with the man she had been calling Daddy for the past few months, simply kicking at Steve’s shins in such a way that he doubled over, allowing Bucky’s feet to hit the floor.  The six year old quickly ran behind Natasha, eagerly taking her protection as she glared up at Steve.  

 

“James not bad James don’t get punished!” Natasha wagged her finger at Steve authoritatively.  She turned around to make sure Bucky was okay, and puffed up proudly as Bucky hid behind her for protection.  When Natasha turned to glare menacingly at her father again, Bucky turned and gave Tony and Sam a thumbs up.

 

“I gotta admit, that was smart,” Sam sighed as he doctored up his next hot dog.  

 

“Well, you can’t give Mamacita Darcy onions right now,” Tony shrugged as he chewed on a bite of his hot dog.  His tone was quiet and confidential as he recounted, “She nearly vomited her guts out when she got a whiff of Bucky’s onion breath half an hour ago.”

 

“Helen thinks she’ll stop vomiting soon,” Sam whispered.  “Good thing, cause that super baby probably needs all the calories she can pack in.”

 

“Holy crap, Darcy is pregnant?!?” Scott demanded, dropping the hot dog he had been working on to the ground.  “I gotta call Kurt!  The voodoo fertility dance he did worked!”

 

“Lang, you piece of doo-doo,” Tony hissed.  “Pop doesn’t know that yet!”

 

“Wait---what?” Steve blinked, looking around at everyone in the lobby space.  Natasha was glaring daggers at Scott.  Tony and Sam were glaring at each other, obviously trying to figure out who was to blame for blabbing the big secret around trouty mouth Scott.  

 

And Bucky was staring back at Steve, his face happy and expectant.  He was waiting for that one little moment of pure, unadulterated happiness that he knew was coming.  Steve had looked like that when Bucky’s sweet little mother had been walking down the aisle towards him.  It was like everything in Steve’s world was bright and happy and beautiful, just like Darcy.  

 

Bucky waited ten whole seconds as Steve slowly processed what Scott had blurted out.  And then it happened.  Confusion melted from Steve’s expression and realization dawned.  At first he gave a little shake of his head, his mouth opening while he huffed out a little breath, like he was mentally berating himself for being so blind to reality.

 

And then he grinned, his eyes going closed as two quick, elated tears snuck out of the corner of his eyes.  His hands were shaking as they went up to the top of his head, pressing down on his temples as his breath began coming a little quicker.  He was radiating pure joy and Bucky pulled Natasha to the side, knowing what was coming next.  

 

Steve was off at a run, eager to get to his wife, to drop to his knees and press his lips to her stomach.  He wanted to kiss her and hold her and never, ever let her go. He didn’t care why she hadn’t of told him the moment she had known, he only cared that she was healthy and happy.  

 

“Wait a minute,” Tony held up a finger, looking down at Bucky and Natasha.  “Pop just ate like five onions on top of his hot dog, he’s gonna kiss her and she’s gonna barf.  GO TINY MURDER MUPPETS!  STOP THAT KISS!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! (edited to add: I know that some of you may be upset that Bucky and Nat are going to grow up, but I'm going to politely and respectfully request no construction criticism on this decision I've made. Thank you!!!)


	35. Bucky's Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Happy Monday! Some cuteness and some silly and some tears. Basically, this could be the byline to this story.

**Chapter Thirty-Five: Bucky’s Promise**

 

* * *

 

In hindsight, Steve should have known that he didn't stand a chance.  He could never outrun Natasha, even if technically he was faster than her, whether she was an adult or a child.  He laughed though, when she flew through the air and jumped on his head, chubby baby thighs not quite long enough to wrap around his throat.  She playfully ruffled his hair instead and said as bossily as she pleased,

 

"DADDY, STOP IT NOW!  YOU IS SO STINKY!"

 

Bucky caught up then, wrapping a metal arm around Steve's thigh and yanking on him.  Natasha managed to do something with the leverage she had on his head and suddenly Steve's body was spiraling down towards the ground quick and hard.  He managed to grab Natasha off of his head and maneuver her in such a way that she was sitting on his chest when he finally landed with force on his back, the air pushing right out of his lungs.

 

"Guys," Steve said plaintively, still smiling.  He didn't think he could STOP from smiling.  Darcy was pregnant.  His wife was currently working very hard at creating a new little life that was half of him and half of her.  He wanted to get to her and kiss every inch of her as quick as he could.  "I just want to go and hug your Ma."

 

"CUTE!" Natasha cooed and wiggled on Steve's chest.  Her euphoric expression quickly melted into one that was absolutely stern and serious and she pressed a short little finger onto Steve's nose.  "BUT NO!"

 

"Pop, your breath is  _ toxic _ ," Tony announced as he and Sam caught up.  "Mom will puke her guts out."

 

"And Helen says until she can work out the calorie deficiencies, we have to try to keep her from needlessly puking her guts out," Sam added.  

 

"Calorie deficiencies?" Steve whispered, looking between all the kids anxiously.  The bottom falling out of his stomach at the instantaneous panic.  "What's wrong? Is she alright?  Is that why she didn't tell me?"

 

"No, no, no," Tony insisted, putting up his hands so Steve would stop going down that road.  "It's just..."

 

"Your super seedman," Bucky explained.  "They're...super.  So the baby is gonna be super too, Hells thinks.  Well, she knows.  And Ma needs extra food and stuff, cause the baby makes her meat table sims high and stuff."

 

"She's okay?" Steve looked to Natasha for answers, not unlike what he would do had they all been their proper age at that point..  "She's going to be okay, right?  Hells can figure it out, right?"

 

"Yes, Daddy.  Nats promise," Natasha nodded.  "Mommy don't want stinky breath.  We go clean you now."

 

"I have super high grade mouthwash in my locker?" Sam offered helpfully.  "Helen designed it a year ago when I came back with less than fresh breath after a really long mission away."

 

"Yeah, go get that," Tony nodded.  A slow smile bloomed on his face, mischievous and delighted.

 

Bucky read the look automatically and snorted with suppressed laughter and threw a wink to Natasha.  

 

"Meet us in the kid wash," Tony advised Sam, who could only roll his eyes in amusement.

 

Steve looked between the kids warily, even as Natasha hopped off of him and Bucky hauled him to his feet.  They immediately began leading him out of the residential facility towards the Science building next door.  "Wait-what? What's the kid wash?"

 

* * *

 

"Where in the heck is everyone?" Darcy demanded as Helen worked at the chocolate fountain.  The aim was to create the most inoffensive, high caloric snack that she could for Darcy, so the expectant mother could keep the calories where they needed to be, and not in the toilet.  

 

That had been Darcy's directive.  While she enjoyed the nutrient dense bars that Helen had created, she felt safer in knowing that she could get the calories she needed from regular food, just in case she didn't have Helen's fix-all on hand.

 

Helen knew that meant Darcy was planning for worst case scenarios.  Helen had spent a lot of time in the two days since she had grown up working hard on her own worst case scenarios, namely, testing Bucky and Natasha's regenerative rates to figure out if they COULD have a normal childhood, in addition to obsessively trying to get Darcy to have as normal and healthy of a pregnancy as the super baby would allow.

 

"Sweetie, you don't need to do that," Darcy smiled at Helen, the expression warm and fond.  

 

Helen was currently making what could only be described as a mega shishkabob, taking a sturdy chopstick and loading it with all of Darcy's favorite items from the chocolate fountain buffet.  There was a chunk of pound cake, followed by a big strawberry and a slice of banana, then followed by a pretzel with the salt scraped off of it. Then, a thick cut french fry.  And finally it was topped off with a strip of bacon.  All the food was smashed together and touching on the chopstick and Helen was trying not to cringe and scowl at the sight of it as she methodically coated it in layer and layer of chocolate.

 

"I can do it," Helen insisted stubbornly, wrinkling up her nose when the force of the chocolate fountain caused the bacon to get closer to the french fry.  "The pound cake is special Darcy pound cake, and it's calorically dense.  Scott’s friend Dave has been surprisingly really helpful here, did you know he has a culinary degree?"

 

"The topic may have come up," Darcy admitted, taking one of the prepared treats that Helen had pushed together.  Darcy had actually sought out the most normal member of Scott Lang's crew to get nutritional advice three days into she and Steve's adventures into parenthood.  Ironically enough, Darcy had been worried that Helen wasn't getting the right amount of food since the girl would only eat separated ingredients of meals.  

 

"Well, he's now employed by Stark Industries," Helen grinned.  "He's in charge of making super soldier foods delicious and not chalky from the added protein.  It's like---anti-diet food."

  
  


Darcy took a healthy bite of as many of the items as she could off of her skewer and made happy little noises of appreciation.  She wanted Steve to try it, if he would ever stop stuffing his gob with disgusting hot dogs.  She looked to the door of the apartment and wondered, "What IS taking them so long?  Nats ran out of here fifteen minutes ago."

  
  


"Uhm...." Helen put the last skewer down to let the chocolate harden up and reached for her phone to check.

 

"Mamacita?" Friday called out.  "Big Papi has enacted the Rainbow Emergency protocol."

 

"What now?" Helen blinked.

 

"You little stinkers," Darcy shook her head in amusement.  She looked to Helen and wagged her finger playfully.  "Friday the Explorer has been SUPER helpful and let me and your Dad put together a bunch of behind the scenes contingencies."

 

"NOT FAIR!" Helen gasped dramatically, her hands going to her hips and her glaring face pointed towards the ceiling.  "RUDE!  Friday the Explorer that's really sneaky and rude of you!  And I’m telling Tony!!"

 

Friday paid the indignant young woman no mind, and instead patched a feed through of Steve's voice, humming a little tune with words that were quiet and soft.  The sound of heavy machinery nearly drowned out the emergency song Steve and Darcy had planned, but Darcy could definitely hear most of it.

 

" _ Sending a rainbow to my love, sending a rainbow to a friend, sending a rainbow to my wife because the kids are at at it again... _ "

 

The song cut off and spluttering began and Darcy turned to Helen with wide eyes.  " **What on Earth are they doing to your father** ?"

 

Helen's eyes got extra big and her face flushed up as she whined out to protest her innocence (false innocence), "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, I SWEAR!"

 

* * *

 

Darcy followed Friday's helpful directions and only had to answer three riddles to find her way to the kid wash.  Helen followed her, pouting the whole time petulantly.  She didn't know why her fiancee and the rest of her pseudo-siblings had hogtied Steve and taken him to the kid wash, but she reckoned it was probably because it was necessary.  It wasn't entirely like them to do something to Steve just for giggles.  

 

Unless it was being purposefully rambunctious in stores to antagonize Steve.  Or teasing about how red in the face Steve got whenever he saw Darcy being pretty and adorable.  Or just that one time filling his shoes with legos after he had stolen Darcy's entire afternoon due to logistical planning a few weeks ago.  They all loved Steve, truly, but one of the things they loved about him is that he was so much fun to tease.  And Steve always (eventually) forgave them for their antics.

 

Darcy opened the last door, revealing the large 'Kid Wash' that Tony and the rest of the kids had dreamt up and built.  Steve was waving at her with his free hand from the air dry portion of the room, naked as the day he was born, one hand covering himself for modesty and practicality, with industrial strength wind machines blowing at him full blast.

 

"What on Earth are you doing to your Dad?!?!" Darcy yelled out.

 

"Daddy stinky!" Natasha called back cheerfully.  "We making him smell better for our Mommy!"

 

To their credit, Steve didn't look particularly fussed about being in a human equivalent of a car wash.  He was actually BEAMING with happiness as he waved at Darcy excitedly.  He was saying something, but it wasn't working, seeing as the wind was blowing so hard that his cheeks were flapping in the breeze.

 

"Let him out of there right now!" Darcy ordered, looking at Tony in particular who was grinning like an idiot.

 

"No, the most important part is coming up!" Bucky said fretfully.

 

And sure enough, the wind machines died down, and three slim, robotic arms approached Steve's face.  Two of the arms held his mouth open while the third went right into his mouth, filling it with pink foam.

 

"Oh my god!" Darcy gasped at the barbaric robot dentist.  She ran to the glass partition between her and Steve and pounded on it.  "Honey, are you okay?  Should I have Friday turn it off?"

 

Steve didn't dare try to shake his head, instead he held up his free hand and tried to give her a gesture that indicated he was okay, pointing to himself and giving the thumbs up.  The thorough mouth cleaning lasted a full ninety-seconds, and then a final robotic arm came in and shot what had to be the equivalent of a prison hose into Steve's mouth.

 

"Shoot, we gotta turn that down before any of us try to use it," Tony muttered as Steve choked.

 

"You little monkey!" Darcy scolded.  "You are all in big trouble for doing this to poor Steve!"

 

"But Mom, it’s practice!" Tony insisted petulantly.  "What if we go up against something slimy or bad, we would need to get clean and decontaminate and this is TOTALLY useful because we can send like, ten people through in five minutes!"

 

"And everything is safe!" Helen promised.  "Except maybe that last mouth rinse, I don't think a non-super soldier person could take it."

 

"So fun!" Natasha promised, obviously having been through the ringer that was the kid wash a few times.

 

"Sorry, Ma," Bucky batted those baby blues up at her and Darcy wrinkled her nose as she tried to resist.

 

"Sweetheart it's okay!" Steve yelled out as he grabbed the towel that fell from the ceiling at him.  He wrapped it around himself and ran for the exit of the wash.  

 

She was in his arms in no time and he pressed a minty fresh mouth against hers as he lifted her whole body up and off the floor.  He attempted to kiss her breathless and nearly did before Bucky pinched at his forearm, anxious that lack of oxygen would be bad for the baby.

 

"Oh, that's good," Darcy said breathlessly.  "We need a bottle of that toothpaste and mouthwash for home.  minty and good."

 

She took a good, hard look at Steve and realized in a heartbeat that he KNEW.  This is what she had been scared of letting Bucky and Natasha see, because it might have influenced their decision to grow up or not.  Steve was practically ethereal in his happiness as he stared at her in wonder.  One arm was around her body, holding her up and the other one found its way between them, fingertips grazing against her belly reverently.  He seemed to be at a loss for words as his eyes filled with tears, his mouth, red and kiss bruised, was open as he searched her face for an answer to his unasked question.

 

Darcy couldn't help but grin at him and give a little, gentle nod, her own eyes brimming with happy tears.  The first one fell and Steve let out a huffing gasp of laughter, pressing his forehead to hers and trying to catch his breath and find his words.

 

They had an audience, but it was certainly an audience they were comfortable with.  Helen quickly found a place under Sam's arm and the two cuddled as they watched Steve and Darcy's happiness unfold.  Tony was wrinkling his nose in an attempt to stop his own tears from forming, and failing miserably.  He'd never seen two people so damned happy before, and for once in his life, he wasn't jealous of that happiness.  He was  _ proud _ of it.

 

Natasha was squirming and dancing in her spot, her hands clapping together in a nondescript rhythm.  She knew she had been waiting a long time for this.  She'd wanted to see Steve and Darcy so happy for a number of years, even if she couldn't quite remember it with a lot of clarity.  But this was the culmination of some hard work of hers, she was sure, and it was worth it, definitely.  She squealed when Steve kissed Darcy's lips again, gentle and slow and sweet, holding her like she was the most precious thing on the planet.  

 

Bucky made no attempt to stop himself from crying.  He was  _ bawling _ silently, and Natasha stopped dancing in order to grab for his hand and hold it.  Tony quietly moved to stand behind the pair, his hand going down and resting on top of Bucky's head.  

 

"You okay, Barnes?" Sam was the one to ask quietly.  

 

Darcy pulled away from Steve at that, and turned to look at Bucky, who was a mess of tears and snot, his face flushed and red.  Steve immediately put Darcy down, knowing his wife well enough to realize she wouldn't be able to see Bucky in such a state.  Steve had the knowledge of their youth.  Bucky had come to Brooklyn when he was a small child and he had come with the baggage of being a big crybaby.  Sure, he had been big and tough for his age at all times, but Bucky could cry buckets for nothing bigger than seeing a baby animal looking around for its mother.  

 

He was happy to see such a response in Bucky now.  The little boy had kept it together all these months, the wedding notwithstanding.  But now it felt like Bucky was comfortable in his own skin again.  He didn’t have to be strong.  He didn’t have to hide his emotions.  He could cry at anything if he wanted, and Steve knew that was a good thing, fundamentally.

 

"My sweet baby boy, are you okay?" Darcy fretted, dropping to her knees and enveloping him in a strong hug.  Her hands went to his hair and back and stroked up and down in soothing gestures.  To his credit, he embraced her back, sniffling and crying into her bosom with enthusiasm.  

 

"James so happy, Mommy," Natasha explained.

 

"Oh, then there's no need to cry, sweetie, it's okay," Darcy promised him.  "Now your Pop knows about the baby, and everyone knows and we're going to be good.  Great.  Fantastic.  This is one of the happiest days of my life, I promise."

 

"I know," Bucky whimpered helplessly.  He gave a watery chuckle from the confines of Darcy's embrace .  "It's all worth it."

 

Steve dropped to his knees and wrapped Darcy up in his arms, pulling in Natasha as well.  

 

"What do you mean, pal?" Steve whispered, smiling when Tony and Helen were quick to follow, and Sam straight after that, in adding to the group hug.  

 

"Everything was worth it," Bucky insisted.  "The fightin' an the hurt, an the freezin' an the loneliness, it was all worth it cause I'm so happy.  I'm so happy, Pop. I got everything I could want now.  I do.  I dunno how you can handle it, cause I can't stop crying for how happy I am."

  
  


"I will NEVER let anyone hurt you, or freeze you, or make you sad or lonely ever again," Darcy said fiercely.  "You deserve all of this happiness and more and you didn't have to have any of that happen to you, Bucky."

 

Bucky sniffled in response.

 

"Better agree with your ma, Buck," Steve said softly.  "Not nice to argue with a lady expecting a baby."

 

"Okay, Ma," Bucky said quickly.  

 

" _ You  _ still smell like onions," Darcy whispered down at Bucky.

 

Her soft declaration was like a bomb went off, causing the family to scatter quickly.  Helen looked around for a bed pan or SOMETHING as Darcy gagged but before she could find something, everyone was splattered with sick.

 

"Oh!   **Vomit-bot**!" Tony said with excitement.  "We can have something follow Mom around all day with buckets and crackers and gingerale."

 

"Well---that's not a bad idea," Steve admitted warily.  He looked back at the decontamination unit and said, "Tony, can you turn those dryers down for your ma?  We'll all run through then to get cleaned up again.  And definitely turn down the mouthwash at the end, that was too much."

 

"Can do, Pop.  See?  I TOLD you it was a good idea!"

 

* * *

 

"Nats don't wanna sleep."

 

Bucky could understand the sentiment.  They were set up in a cozy little area of Cuddle Town, right next to Darcy and Steve, who were wrapped up in each other and fast asleep, happy smiles on their faces.  Helen and Sam were similarly cuddled up in the right corner of the room, a tad more innocent than the total way Darcy and Steve were cemented together.  Tony had managed to finally drop off about fifteen minutes ago after he had gotten his brand new 3-D printed mouthguard in, and now he was sprawled out star fish style in the middle of the blanket and pillow fort.  

 

Natasha and Bucky were the only ones left awake, looking up at the ceiling and holding hands as the minutes ticked by on the clock, soaking in the calm and the peace.  The room was perfectly warm, and every surface was covered in something soft.  They were surrounded by people they loved that loved them back.  If heaven was real, then Bucky kind of thought it would be something like Cuddletown.   It had been comfortably quiet until Natasha had whispered in Bucky's ear.  

 

"I know," he murmured back to her in Russian.  

 

"Nats wants all a nice minutes," she sighed and inched closer to Bucky.  

 

To his credit, he pulled on her hand so that she was against his side, wrapping his metal arm around her and holding her close and tight.  He pressed a kiss into red, riotous curls and nodded his agreement.  

 

He knew exactly what she meant.

 

He was sure life would never be the same again.  He would never be lonely, desperate or sad.  He would never feel trapped and lost, because he had a family now.  Before, many many years ago and for far too short a period of time, it had just been Natasha keeping him afloat after Steve had been taken away.  And then her faded memory, tortured out of him, was like a mirage to his soul.  He felt there was someone out there, someone he should know, someone he knew he should love, but he was never allowed out long enough to regain the entire picture of her face.

 

And when Steve came back, when he'd told him he was with him till the end of the line, there was another lifeline, as strong as the thickest steel chain, tethering him to James Barnes until his brain could remember it.  After everything went wrong in Romania that Spring, Bucky still came out of it with both Steve and Natasha.  

 

Thanks to their tenacity, he finally had control over his own mind again.  And they brought him to a place where Darcy was, his sweet, loving little mother.  He meant it went he said he had everything now.  Brothers.  A Sister.  A loving family that would never allow for a moment for him to be shoved back into the dark or the cold.  And Natasha.

 

He was  _ safe _ .  He looked at Natasha and knew that she felt the same.  She'd been lost to pain and wiped clean until she was a blank slate before, just the same as him.  But it would never happen again.  Their lives were their own and there was no chance of their control being taken from them again. There was no chance to be hurt again.  

 

Their family wouldn't stand for it.

 

"Wanna sing lully bye byes to baby?" Nats asked hopefully.

 

"Yes," Bucky nodded eagerly and he kept a tight grip around her as he inched them closer to where Darcy and Steve were sleeping heavily after their emotional few days. Bucky managed to get one metal fingertip on Darcy's abdomen and his grin stretched his mouth from ear to ear at the feeling of the rapid little heartbeat.  He put his mouth close to Natasha's ears and mimicked the sound as softly as he could, his pouting bottom lip bouncing up and down against his upper lip.  

 

Natasha did her very best to squirm in a way that wouldn't wake up her parents.  Instead, she cuddled closer to Bucky as they sang softly together towards the tiny little life growing inside of Darcy.   It was just  _ Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star _ in Russian, and Natasha mangled most of the phrases pretty terribly, but it was sweet and loving and Bucky felt like someday, the little person would appreciate it.

 

At the end of the song, a small chirping noise came over the sound system, high pitched and quiet.  It didn't disturb the older ears in the room, but it had Natasha sitting straight up.  It was  _ her _ special alarm that she asked Friday to program, telling her far ahead of time when danger was coming close.  She looked to Bucky with a kind of excited glint in her eye and took a deep breath.

 

"Hidey hides are coming."

 

Bucky was glad they had taken most of the night to soak in all of the good.  Because now came the bad part that would always try and fight its way back into their lives. It was time to protect the family that meant so much to them. 

 

"I’m gonna protect you, I  _ promise _ ,” Bucky whispered, his metal finger tapping gently against Darcy’s belly.  He smiled at Natasha, looking a little excited as he declared, “Let's go get those ninnyheads."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dragging this out...sure I dragged it out a little to get one more full chapter of little Bucky and Nats...but I feel that was warranted.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	36. Farewell Gifts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really pleased with this chapter. I hope you will be pleased as well. I only teared up once while writing it, and didn't shed any actual tears...so....

**Chapter Thirty-Six: Farewell Gifts**

 

* * *

 

"James, you take a Daddy's shield," Natasha ordered as they suited up quickly in the living room of the family's quarters.  

 

Suiting up was very different than how it used to be.  For one, Natasha was wearing a costume she had gotten in a Disney store that was meant to emulate her grown up uniform.  Thankfully, Luis had been most helpful there, proving to be quite handy with a needle.  She had kevlar where she needed it most, a soft fleece inner lining that kept her cozy and warm like a pair of freshly washed pj's, and a handmade belt that was even better than her normal grownup belt because Luis had included extra pockets for candy.  

 

She was carefully placing emergency skittles in the pocket next to where she had pint sized widow's bites that Tony had made her, perfect for her hands as they were now.  They had an added weight to them that would allow them to hit their mark without Natasha having the appropriate muscle strength to throw them as accurately as she could have when she was an adult.  She didn't have guns, James had put his foot down that she not have them thanks to her fiery temper.

 

The last thing they needed was Natasha pulling out a gun when someone didn't give her sweets in time.  

 

She was armed to the teeth with all manner of sharp weaponry, not limited to her usual blades. She quite liked the metal sporks that Tony had created.  She really enjoyed the chopsticks that Kurt the Warm Rat had whittled for her and presented to her as if he had just given her a precious baby doll.  But her favorites were the razor blade confetti bombs.  Scott had worked on that, putting his degree to good use.  It was the size of one of those super bouncy balls that they could find in the quarter gumball machine outside of the commissary.  But these were bright pink and after one good bounce, they would open and small, paper thin, confetti shaped razor blades would explode and give tiny, stinging scratches (thanks to an irritant polymer that Helen had created) to any and all bad guys in the vicinity.

 

Nats didn't think it was overkill that she had ten of them on her person and hundreds scattered everywhere on base, ready and waiting for her to pick up and lob at a bad guy.

 

"But what if Pop needs the shield?" Bucky looked at it with a pursed little mouth.  

 

The shield hadn't been used in a while, apart from daily practice sessions.  In combat, it hadn't been used, since that last attack from the aliens and even then Steve hadn't relied on it much.  He'd had months to figure out how to superhero properly without the shield, since it had been in Tony's custody then.  T'Challa had even presented Steve with a new shield, this one shaped like that first tin one Steve had used back during the last great war.

 

"Daddy sleepin' he not fightin'," Nats waved that off handily.  "We have hidey hides all tied up afore he eats breakies fast."

 

"Alright, good thing Tony put in that holder on the car," Bucky nodded, picking up the shield easily as they silently made their way out of their home.  He snapped the shield in place on the front hood of their ride, a pint sized black chevrolet camaro.

 

It had been a Christmas present from Bucky's loving, sweet, little mother.  She knew that he loved those cool hot rod cars and she knew that Nats loved those cool hot rod cars.  So she'd ordered one of them from the toy store and it had been waiting in a parking space just outside of the residential facility on Christmas morning.  Bucky really loved his ma, and one of the things he loved most about her is that she was so trusting.  If he was older, he might have figured out that she was a bit gullible when it came to indulging him and the rest of the kids.

 

Because she probably assumed that the car would just be used to drive from the residential facility to the commissary, and it HAD been.  He'd loved driving places in the little car with his loving, sweet, precious little mother walking alongside of him.  But Darcy hopefully didn't know about the switch.

 

Natasha flipped the little red switch under the dash and clapped and danced in excitement as it transformed before their very eyes.  Plastic panels turned and bullet proof steel panels were revealed and settled in place to create a pretty indestructible little car.  Two side panels remained flipped outwards, revealing two little cannons that could fire the cache of five thousand rubber bullets.  And in the back, the fake plastic mufflers were switched out with two other canons.  

 

Bucky couldn't wait to start pressing buttons to release what was in those.  Helen and Sam had been absolutely dastardly in their planning.  Adhesive that would work on both kevlar and skin, more of Natasha’s tiny razor blades, and most exciting for Bucky was the gas that would make everyone laugh uncontrollably.

 

Natasha hopped into her little safety seat that Steve had been insistent on installing and Bucky carefully strapped her in before getting in as well, doing his own safety belt and turning the plastic key in the ignition.  The engine roared to life, and it was very different from when Bucky would turn on the car in front of his loving, sweet, precious, beautiful little mother.  

 

She'd be surprised to know that the toy car's engine was nearly as powerful as a quinjet's engine.  

 

"Hola kiddos!" Friday chirped from the car's dash, where Tony had installed the speaker and onboard navigation system.  

 

"HOLA FRIDAY!" Bucky and Nats chorused back cheerfully.

 

"So, I'm not gonna wake up Mamacita and Big Poppa, because the current threshold of bad guys coming over the border are totally within the danger threshold that I've tabulated all by myself," Friday sing songed as Bucky put his foot on the pedal hard and zoomed off into the dark, cold early morning.  "Everyone has set up so many secret parameters without anyone realizing that you overloaded one of my server banks, so it seemed SO MUCH BETTER of an idea to just figure these things out for myself."

 

"WHEEEE!" Nats clapped her hands as Bucky took the little toy car fast on the winding pathways away from the residential facility and towards the science facility.  

 

"Just so you know, Tony and Sam are scheduled to wake up if more than five bad guys cross the no no line," Friday clarified.  "And if it gets to seven bad guys over the no no line, I'll wake up Mamacita and Big Poppa, because that seems like a good number."

 

"Nats count ta seben!" Nats agreed.  "One.  A Two.  A Free. A Four.  A Seben."

 

"No silly girl," Bucky gently admonished her in Russian.  He brought the car to a screeching halt at a place where the road came close to the tree line that bordered the sprawling complex.  They were at least a mile away from their cherished home, and it was one of the little hidey holes that Nats and Bucky had carefully cultivated.  "Again, the right way."

 

"One a two a free a four a five a sits a seben," Nats recited in perfect three quarter time.

 

"Good, you get a lolly," Bucky nodded, pulling out a lollipop and handing it to her.

 

She gave him a sticky kiss on the cheek before ripping off the wrapper and stuffing it in her mouth.  She unbuckled herself and hopped out of the car, making a run for one of the hollowed out, fake trees that she had managed to get installed when everything was landscaped a few months ago.  Inside were more weapons, a cache of candy, and one of Bucky's Lala Loopsy Doll sets, complete with an adorably miniature set of too cute toy cakes and cookies.  

 

"Hi Lala!" Nats grinned, before carefully setting the doll to the side and grabbing out her miniature batons.  "Nats go an getta hideyhide to smash.  See ya later!"

 

Bucky waved her off as he set up the last line of defense.  No bad guys would be able to go any further into the compound than where they had been.  The trip wire was laid and Bucky had the button to turn it on if necessary.  Should anyone unsavory try to get any closer to his sweet loving adorable precious beautiful mother, well, they would have to cross that line.  And when they tried, they'd get hit with a blast of electricity so powerful that they'd wind up getting tossed at least a hundred feet into the sky.

 

"Let's see how you likes gettin' zapped ninnyheads," Bucky wrinkled his precious little nose before going to the hollow tree weaponry cabinet and pulling out a modified sniper rifle and an entire cavalry's worth of rubber bullets.  He followed where Natasha had gleefully run off to and shimmied up a tree about midway between the distance.

 

He could spot his little Natasha about twenty yards out from where the first five black ops Hydra forces were creeping through the woods, but that was because it was him.  She was expertly hidden, melding into the darkness of the night.  He counted in his head, knowing that Nats could easily handle all five of the intruders, but wanted to time his own shots with her attack to not give anything away.  The modified sniper rifle was perfectly fitted to his body and he took careful aim.  The count was at fifteen when Natasha struck and he fired off six rapid shots, two a piece for three Hydra ninnyheads, striking them on the side of their temple to daze, then hitting them with the rubber bullet at the pressure point in their neck, causing their body to crumple to the ground, unconscious and useless.

 

Natasha flung herself from her perch on the lowest branch, tiny feet hitting the skull of one attacker hard before bouncing off of the man and using the leverage to twist her body so that she swung like a pendulum, her solid, tiny steel toed boots smacking against the jaw of the next attacker.  

 

The baton let loose two charges and in the space of thirty seconds, the two adorable killing machines had five Hydra agents unconscious on the forest floor.  

 

Nats kicked each one of them in the behind for good measure before traipsing back to their utility closet tree, intent on getting restraints and gags for the men.

 

"Gosh, I hope they don't send everybody," Bucky sighed, knowing she could hear him.  "If we can't get this cleaned up by seven, Ma and Pop will wonder where we are."

* * *

 

"Hola El Jeffe!" Friday whispered.

 

Tony sat straight up from his deep sleep and looked blearily around.  Steve and Darcy were sleeping soundly.  Sam and Helen were also asleep, but Sam looked like he was showing signs of movement.  And Bucky and Nats were...totally gone.

 

"One of my exciting super secret contingencies has been activated!" Friday continued to whisper excitedly.  

 

"The one where Bucky and Nats break into my experimental weapons locker?" Tony mumbled.  Sam sniffed in his sleep and Tony dragged himself to his feet, heading blearily to the door.  It was five thirty in the morning, and he didn't want to hear it from Sammy that he'd been woken out of his preciously needed beauty sleep.

 

"Nope!" Friday disputed.

 

"The one where Bucky and Nats accidentally join a circus?" Tony asked once he was out in the hallway.  

 

"Nope!"

 

"The one where Bucky and Nats purposefully sell Clint back to the circus?" Tony wondered hopefully.

 

"Sadly, no," Friday sighed.

 

"Then which one?" Tony worried.  He didn't understand how Friday had managed to keep all the contingencies straight.  He knew that he had a set.  That all the kids as a whole had a set.  And he had guessed (correctly) that each kid individually secretly had a set.  And now that he was older and wiser (for the most part), he discovered that Darcy and Steve had their own set.  Everyone was programming Friday to tell them when a certain event was happening with other people on base.  If X person does Y thing, tell Darcy and Steve.  If Y person does X thing, tell Bucky.  If AAA event starts happening, tell the following eight people but don't tell Darcy and Steve.

 

Tony hadn't realized he had built Friday to handle such complex rules.  He was really proud of her for figuring out new pathways to keep everything straight.

 

"Nats used her fun new batons you got her!" Friday played a small celebratory song consisting of eighties-esque electronic keyboards and a set of shaken maracas.  

 

"Wait, what?  On Barnes?" Tony blinked up at the ceiling, not entirely worried yet.  The spy killer kids could handle themselves.  But Tony wanted to be there anyway to have fun too.  And he really wanted to get video of Nats using her little toys he had built her over the last few months.  

 

"No, on real live bad guys!!" Friday played a longer segment of the celebridades song.

 

"Okay.  Uhm...let me potty first, and then have a suit waiting for me outside with their coordinates," Tony decided.  "I want to zap bad dudes too.  Remind me to scold them, it was rude of them to not invite me."

 

* * *

 

Bucky was worried.  

 

Not because the bad guys were here.  He could deal with them just fine.  He and Nats were taking them out five at a time and had a pile of them just waiting to be picked up.  He was worried because the sun was just starting to rise.  Helen woke up with the sun and she'd see they were missing and he didn't trust her grown up blabber mouth and conscience to keep her trap shut and not rat them out.  

 

Even when she was little, it was really hard to get Helen to lie for any of them.  Bucky was incapable of telling lies to his little sweet amazing precious gorgeous mother, but he could tell a fib as big as anything to Steve, especially if it meant they could have fun.  And he and Nats were having so much fun at the moment.  

 

It was almost like a gift from Darcy and Steve, just like the other kids had gotten.  Darcy and Steve had tried to give each of the kids the thing they loved most right before they had to get zapped back to adulthood.  Sam got roller rinks.  Helen got her grandfather and perfectly separated food.  Tony got Nerd mountain.  And now Bucky and Nats got to bash Hydra bad guys.  

 

It really was one of their favorite things to do, and in their current forms, it was a lot of fun.  

 

Natasha looked up at the sky warily, hearing the sound of Tony's repulsors.  Bucky sighed and hopped down out of his tree and walked to Nats where they waited for Iron Man to land in front of them.

 

"Out of your beds, no note, no explanation as to why you're gone!" Tony chided, flipping the face plate up.  "You gotta share the fun guys, you know this.  That's one of Mom's favorite lessons."

 

"Nats wanna bash em," the tiny red head said resolutely.  "Nats gonna bash em all!"

 

"Okay, then maybe I can tie these other guys up and suspend them off a hovercraft until Hill sees fit to pick them up?" Tony wondered hopefully.

 

"Sure," Bucky shrugged.  He put up one metal finger and went for his side arm, he pointed in the distance and let two shots ring out and another body hit the ground.  "Make sure to build two Ninnyhead prisons.  Me an Nats is gonna have so many guys to lock up."

  
  


* * *

 

"Pssst.  Hells."

 

"Wassat?" Helen blinked her eyes open.  The sun hadn't quite risen yet and she scowled. "Friday, I TOLD you, I wake up with the sun.  Don't steal my five minutes of sleeping."

 

"Hells one of your special alerts has been triggered," Friday whispered.

 

Helen sat right up, knocking Sam's hold off and essentially hitting him square in the forehead with her elbow.  He hissed out in pain and looked around in confusion.  

 

"What's going what?" he blearily mumbled.

 

Helen was taking stock of the room.  Darcy was sleeping peacefully, so the alert wasn't about her health.  But Tony, Natasha and Bucky were missing.  So it had to be them.

 

"Where'd the tiny pain nuggets go?  And Tony?" Sam whispered.

 

"Nats has gotten scratched!" Friday whispered with some measure of excitement.  

 

Steve groaned in his sleep, and Darcy snored extra loud in response.

 

"How bad?" Helen demanded as she got to her feet, followed quickly by Sam as they fled from the room.  She pointed at her fiance and he followed her wordless order, rushing to the nearest med station that she kept a mini-cradle at ever since Darcy had been first injured by General Ross's forces months ago.  

 

"The scratch is on her cheek and it's about as tall as Bucky's tiny Shopkins chocolate bar," Friday explained, which was approiximately half an inch big.

 

"Depth?" Helen demanded.

 

"Ask nicely, Hells bells!" Friday encouraged.  "Or should we sing the Good Friends are Nice Friends song?"

 

"Please, I'm sorry, tell me the depth!" Helen panted as she and Sam began running for the exit to the facility.

 

"It's about as deep as when Sammy got the ouchie booboo from the Christmas wrapping paper!" Friday explained.  

 

Sam stopped dead in his tracks and made sure to stop Helen too, who despite Friday's explanation, was still trying to rush to her adopted sister to heal her.  Sam sighed and looked to the ceiling in exasperation, then to his fiancee.

 

"You set up the parameters on Friday's warning system, right?" Sam questioned.

 

"Of course, Friday the Explorer is super amazing and helpful!" Helen was obviously trying to make up for her earlier impoliteness (by Friday the Explorer's standards at least).  

 

"You're a good friend, Helen Cho!   _ You're the kind of friend that we nee _ \---"

 

"Helen, Nats has a paper cut on her cheek.  It's probably already healed!" Sam laughed.

 

"You're right, Sammy.  And also, RUDE for interrupting my song, don't make me put you in the time out room," Friday implored.

 

"Who are the terrible teenie twosome fighting?" Sam sighed in exasperation.

 

"Hydra!  They're doing a great job.  Tony is being super helpful and cleaning up the bad guy piles," Friday revealed.

 

"PILES?" Sam repeated and suddenly he was off at a run again, bringing Helen with him.  "C'mon, we should go help!"

 

* * *

 

"There are lots of ninnyheads to beat up," Bucky remarked to Natasha quietly.  "They just keep coming."

 

"Suck spa shins," Natasha nodded gravely.  Her eyes narrowed and she did a complete, graceful little turn in the forest.  She sniffed the air and hissed out, "Hill-y."

 

"You think Ms. Hill is behind this?" Bucky blinked at her.  "Letting us have Hydra guys to beat up?"

 

"Hmmmm," Natasha wrinkled up her cute little button nose before nodding.  "Less go find where da hidey hides are really."

 

"Kay," Bucky shrugged.

 

"HEY!" Sam shouted before quickly touching down with the wings on.  He placed Helen on the ground and wasn't surprised when his bride-to-be went straight for Natasha and began fretting over her completely perfect cheek that had not a trace of a scratch on it any longer.

 

"Awwww, nuts," Bucky scowled playfully up at the Falcon.  "You're supposed to be sleepin'!"

 

"Nats got scratched, Helen gets woken up, I'm here, deal with it you ultimate fighting midget," Sam sassed back.  "Did you guys know that there's a huge stinking Hydra battalion about half a mile away from base?  Like...gigantic."

 

"Be specific-er," Bucky demanded.

 

"Remember that base Steve and I raided when we were trying to catch you back in 2015?  That many people," Sam stated bluntly.

 

Bucky's eyes went a little wide.  That was a lot of people.  He had only managed to make it out then thanks to Steve, Natasha, Clint and Sam's assist.  And the fact that he was a full sized Bucky Barnes then.  And Natasha had been a full sized Natasha.

 

"Vision can have the machine up in two minutes, Bucky," Tony announced from ten feet up in the air.  "We figured it out last night, you can both grow up, but it's...it's a little more complicated than one zap."

 

Bucky looked to Natasha, who was no longer completely convinced that this was Maria Hill's doing.  He had questions in his eyes and she gave him a silly little smile before reaching out and hugging Helen tightly.

 

"You should wait, say goodbye to Mom and Dad," Helen urged.

 

"No, we never wanted to do that," Bucky shook his head.  "We were planning on getting Vision to zap us before Ma and Pop woke up.  I didn't want to see her cry."

 

Natasha nodded solemnly.  

 

"I'll fly you," Sam said softly.

  
  


"Nah.  We gotta ride," Bucky shook his head.  He held up his metal fist and smiled when Sam bumped it.  He was quickly enveloped in a big hug from Helen, and then was face to face with Tony, who had landed and was kneeling in front of Bucky with his faceplate up.

 

"It's going to be okay," Tony promised as Natasha hugged the left arm of the Iron Man suit.  "See you soon, bro."

 

"Nats drivin!" Natasha hugged Sam's legs quickly before taking off like a bat out of hell.

 

"Natalia, don't do it!" Bucky yelled in Russian before scampering off quickly as well.

 

* * *

 

"Friday, open the door.  Right now."

 

"Nuh uh uh uh uh, you didn't answer the riddle, grouchy face, you can't come in," Friday said cheerfully.

 

"Open this door right now, or I will fry your servers!" Maria shouted.

 

The door in question was ripped open, and Steve was standing there, looking well rested despite it being six in the morning.  Darcy was calling out in the background, naming each one of her kids as she searched the apartment.

 

"What did you do, Hill?" Steve demanded.  He knew that the kids weren't there.  The shield had been missing along with the kids.  He knew they were up to some kind of dangerous fun.

 

"A game for the kids, you know, to say goodbye," Maria said brusquely.  "But the game’s over and we have three battalions of Hydra forces at our perimeter, ready for a full scale invasion to grab your kids."

 

"Darce," Steve turned, his eyes wide and panicked.  "Sweetheart, put on shoes and a jacket, we have to get to the lab."

 

"The lab, Steve, you need to get to the front lines and Darcy needs to get to the bunker.  Sanchez has a quinjet waiting for her," Maria said.

 

"No, we're going to the lab," Steve insisted, his hand reaching for Darcy and making a run for it.  He lifted her quickly and sprinted.  "Get all the forces to the line, Hill.  We'll be there soon."

 

* * *

 

 

"Counting down," Vision announced, watching the two small children in the scope of the machine very carefully.  They didn't seem to be afraid.  They didn't seem to be sad.  They were resolute.  Determined.  Eager, almost.

 

"I love you, Nats," Bucky whispered, holding her chubby hand tight.

 

"Nats love James too," Natasha answered back.

 

"VISION WAIT!" Darcy screamed.  "FRIDAY PLEASE!"

 

"Opening the door, Mamacita is crying, and that means all overrides don't count," Friday was surprisingly sedate, the lab doors opened to reveal Darcy in Steve's arms.  The man looked a little out of breath, having run faster than he had ever remembered going to get there in time.

 

"What on Earth do you think you're doing?" Darcy demanded angrily.  

 

She'd never been angry with Bucky or Natasha before.  But especially not to Bucky.

 

He quaked at the sight of it and felt tears welling up in his eyes.

 

"You are NOT allowed to do this without giving me a hug and kiss first!" Darcy bristled.  "You can go fight bad guys being a tiny person, and you can eat your body weight in candy and you can basically do anything else you want, but you can't do this without me!"

 

"M'sorry!" Bucky called out anxiously.  "Oh Ma, I'm so sorry!"

 

He and Natasha ran to their adoptive parents as Steve put Darcy on the ground and soon they were all in a four person group hug.  And to her credit, Darcy didn't shed a single tear.  Steve had some trouble as Natasha placed sticky, resolute kisses on his nose.  And he shared one look with a sobbing Bucky that had his throat clenching.  But Darcy didn't cry at all.  She hugged and kissed and let her hands run through long brown hair and wild red curls, but she didn't cry.

 

She smiled at the both of them.  Her eyes looking over every inch of them in their battle gear, as if memorizing them.  Her hands swept over where her eyes were, as if to cement them exactly as they were forever in her memory.  

 

"I love you both so much," Darcy promised.  

 

"Mamacita, there has been a breach on the line.  We need to get you to a panic room where you and I can sing together!" Friday announced.  

 

"Go, go," Darcy insisted, kissing two small foreheads.  She looked to Steve with a question in her eyes and he gave her a nod.

 

"Darcy isn't going anywhere.  I'll protect her," Steve said resolutely.  

 

They walked back to the observation room with Vision, who gave them a polite nod before resuming his countdown.

 

When the light receded, Bucky and Nats were very different.  

 

But they were by no means back to normal.

 

"Uhm...what?" Steve whispered, staring down at a teenaged version of Bucky and Natasha.  Bucky was nearly identical to what Steve remembered of Bucky at sixteen, except for the long, shaggy brown hair.  And Natasha was a tiny, willowy thirteen year old, at most.

 

"Since they are aging together, it was deemed necessary to do it in stages, for safety purposes," Vision clarified.  "I shall ready the machine with Pym's assistance and we will be able to age them back to their normal ages in approximately seventy-two minutes."

 

"Clothes!" Darcy hissed.

 

Bucky looked like the Hulk, honestly.  His tactical shirt was shredded to nothing at his feet, and his cargo pants now resembled underwear.  Natasha's suit had more give, but it still did nothing to hide the growing curves or the swell of her hips.

 

"Hot stuff, Natalia," Bucky winked at her.

 

Steve let out an annoyed breath and slammed his hand on the intercom button.

 

"Pal, you are walking a very dangerous line right now!" Steve shouted.

 

"Steve, honey, they're technically you know, boyfriend and girlfriend," Darcy reminded him.

 

"That's my baby girl, and he's a LOUSE at sixteen," Steve said stubbornly.  He needn’t have worried though, because Natasha batted green eyes up at a flirty Bucky until he came close, obviously hoping for a more grown up kiss.  Instead, Natasha flicked the tip of Bucky’s nose as hard as she pleased, causing the larger teenager to flinch at the pain of it.  “That’s my girl!”

 

"Clothes first, adorable Daddy protective antics later,” Darcy sighed, turning around and going to the filing cabinet in the corner that always contained spare clothing for any scientists who may have lost theirs in the pursuit of discovery.  She laughed when ten seconds later she was wrapped up in a strong armed embrace, lifted up and off her feet.  She didn’t need to see who was doing the hugging.  She felt the vibranium arm and patted at it gently.

 

“My sweet, little, loving mother,” Bucky said softly into Darcy’s hair.  “Thank you so much.”

 

“It was never something that needed thanking,” Darcy assured him.  “You’re my baby boy now.  And I love you very much.”

 

She was placed on the ground and saw that Steve had his arms full of Natasha, squeezing her to his heart’s content.  If Bucky was a mama’s boy, then certainly Natasha was her daddy’s girl.  The sound of Tony using his blasters outside caused Bucky to stiffen up slightly.  He kissed Darcy’s cheek sweetly once more before turning and switching off with Natasha, happily letting Steve hug him so hard that a little air left his lungs.  

 

“You want to go punch a few of Hydra’s worst?” Steve wondered hopefully.

  
“You know it, Pop,” Bucky grinned. “And hey, I get to use the shield this time, right?  Cause I didn’t get to earlier, and I really wanna.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reading!


	37. It's My Party and I'll Bash if I Want To

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go!!!! (Only like, teary eyes again this time, guys, your'e safe here).

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: It’s My Party and I’ll Bash if I Want To**

* * *

 

Steve had always enjoyed working side by side with Natasha in the field.  Even before they were technically friends, they had been quite the team during a firefight.  It was a little like they were on the same brain wavelength, able to anticipate what the other was doing before they did it, and complementing each other’s actions effortlessly.  

 

It made sense to know that Bucky had had a hand in her training early in her career.  That put them in the same fighting style wheelhouse, because Bucky had also been the one to teach Steve how to fight back before the war.  But there was something more than just their fighting style.  The historians had all waxed poetic about Steve’s brilliant strategist mind, and they hadn’t been lying.  But the historians had never been privy to Natasha’s strategist mind, which was every bit as brilliant as Steve’s.  And when it came down to it, their temperaments were very similar, even if Natasha could usually hide it as an adult.  That added with their nearly identical trollish, dry humor, and when working together on the battlefield, they were nearly unstoppable.

 

Even when playing (full out  _ sparring) _ against Agent Sanchez’s best team members, Steve had always managed to connect the best with Nats, easily reading her wordless cues.  Darcy had caught him throwing the baby girl just the once and had been read the riot act.  

 

“Incoming!” Natasha announced with a certain deranged kind of cheerfulness and Steve automatically braced his knees, turned his upper body sidewise and held out his arms with his hands clasped together.  

 

The teenaged Natasha had been sprinting towards him and made a graceful leap, her feet landing on Steve’s clasped hands and they worked in concert, using her momentum and Steve’s considerable strength to send her flying forward.  Her body compacted into a ball and she zoomed into the nearest Hydra agent who had managed to find his way to the front lawn of the residential area.  The Hydra agent collapsed under the impact and Natasha brilliantly used his backward momentum to swing out her legs, moving her entire body into an arc and smashing her feet into the face of the Hyda Agent’s partner in idiocy.

 

“Ain’t she the cutest, Ma?” Bucky sighed dreamily, watching as Natasha landed elegantly on her feet, not one red curl out of place.  ‘My girl’s the cutest darned wrecking ball in the whole world.”

 

“Aww, my baby boy’s in love,” Darcy cooed, squeezing his left arm as Bucky led her carefully across the lawn, a pistol in his right hand.  

 

The goal was to stash Darcy in the safest panic room on the base, dispatch with the invading Hydra, and then finish the process.  Vision was left to protect the aging technology.  Maria had reported that initial questioning of the Hydra forces had revealed they were only after the children, they didn’t know about the machine.  

 

All the children on base had immediately been moved to panic rooms per Darcy’s immediate orders.  Over half of the security crews were guarding the rooms, meaning that the invading Hydra were essentially  the Avenger’s problem to deal with.  

 

“It’s about time!” Sam shouted from above.  He zoomed towards the ground, spinning tightly before letting out a loud grunt and swinging like a pendulum, his feet connected hard with the back of a Hydra goon’s head.  Sam landed on his feet and retracted the wings and walked up to Bucky and Darcy.    “Darce, Helen’s in utility bunker B, she’s working on something to help.”

  
  


“Holy cow, that was  _ awesome! _ ”

 

Darcy’s eyes widened at Bucky’s loud and enthusiastic exclamation and she looked up to see sixteen-year-old Bucky in absolute awe at Sam’s arrival.  

 

“You messin’ with me Mr. Teen Roboto?” Sam gave him the side eye.

  
“Do it again, that was really amazing!” Bucky grinned at him, holding up a gun and zipping off two shots without looking, his grin was big and eager as he watched Sam.  

 

“No insults?” Sam asked quietly.

 

Bucky shook his head no eagerly.

 

“ No...elaborate put downs?” Sam wrinkled his nose in thought.

 

Bucky shrugged and looked confused.

 

“Am I dying?” Sam looked to Darcy.

 

“I think he just thought you were cool,” Darcy assured him.  Steve came running up to them with an armload of bullet proof vests.  Darcy could only smile at him indulgently as he began buckling them onto her like a russian nesting doll of kevlar.  “Honey, tell Sammy that Bucky just likes cool things, and right now Sammy is cool to him.”

 

“Huh?” Steve blinked, looking at one of the vests and wondering if he could wrap it around his wife like a skirt.  “Yeah, uhm, Bucky likes space stuff.  Just don’t question it while it lasts.”

 

“Can I borrow those?” Bucky asked Sam hopefully.

 

“NO!” Sam said resolutely.  “I’m not giving some reckless teenager my wings to mess up!”

 

“Awww, please?” Bucky wheedled, which was a dangerous sort of of thing to happen.  His voice went up real high and his bottom lip jutted out just so.  His impossible large blue eyes went even larger and somehow, he managed to get a blush to appear on his cheeks on command.

 

Steve stopped his bundling of Darcy (the kevlar could be made into a skirt if he tried hard enough), his eyes lighting up in recognition.  He looked to Bucky and shook his head, “Haven’t seen that act since 1942, when you used it to get an extra ration of sugar from Mr. Baker at the grocers.”

 

“I just---I just always wanted to be able to fly,” Bucky said softly, looking like a lovable scamp who just needed to be hugged.  

 

Darcy cooed and pushed Steve away before throwing herself at Bucky and hugging him tightly.  She turned her head and looked at Sam beseechingly.

 

“Just let him fly it around one time, five minutes, Sammy, please?” Darcy asked sweetly.

 

“NO!” Sam whined, looking torn.  “He’s not flight-trained.  What if he hurts himself?”

 

“I won’t, I promise!” Bucky’s voice was high and needy again, echoing like a beacon.

 

Natasha sidled up to Sam at that moment and went up on the tops of her toes and managed to reach high enough to smack Sam on the head.

 

“Give him what he wants,” she ordered, sounding very much like a grownup Black Widow who had just given orders during a covert op, even if she was still small, delicate looking and young.  “Give my James what he wants or suffer the consequences.”

 

“NO!” Sam insisted. “For his safety and ours, I only have the one pair right now because the other three got wrecked and Tony couldn’t fix them because  he was a tiny tot, remember?”

 

“HEY!”   Tony’s voice came from high above, he let off a bunch of rockets that sped a mile off.  “Wanda is holding the line with Scott.  Barton’s on the way, but I could use some super strength butt kicking!”

 

“Holy cow,” Bucky breathed as Tony zoomed to land in front of the gathered crowd.  “Can I wear that suit and fly around a little?”

 

“Uhmmmm…” Tony flipped up the face mask and seriously considered it.

 

“Dude, no,” Sam shook his head emphatically at Tony.  “He’s not flight trained…”

 

“But, with one of my suits, he doesn’t need to be,” Tony reasoned.  “Friday the Explorer?”

 

“Hola Jeffe!” Friday chirped in his ear.  “Wanda the Witch has gotten impatient and her power levels seem to be rising faster than usual.  I expect her to destroy half the base in about the same time it takes us to watch an episode of Girl Meets World!”

 

“Uh oh,” Natasha smirked.  “Let’s go bash stuff, James.  Please?”

 

“Aww, since you asked so nice, cutes,” Bucky winked at her.

 

“HEY!” Steve grumbled.  He felt something pinch against his ear with surprising force and he yelped in sudden trepidation.  He looked down to see Darcy holding onto his ear lobe gingerly, not enough to give pain, but enough to garner his attention.  His eyes went large and puppy-like and he softly whined, “ _ Hey _ .”

 

“Nats is a strong, smart, powerful young woman,” Darcy said softly, even though everyone could hear her just fine.  “Just because we changed her diapers, doesn’t mean we get to dictate who she dates.  Understood?”

 

“Yes, sweetheart, of course,” Steve answered.  He turned to give Bucky a hard look,  He looked down at the teenager’s left hand, which was entwined with Natasha’s right hand and took a deep sigh.  “No taking her to a dark corner and necking with her until you’re both older.”

 

“I don’t get a say in when we neck, Pop,” Bucky shrugged.  “It’s always been about what she says is okay.”

 

“My baby boy,” Darcy let go of Steve’s ear and turned to beam at Bucky.  

 

“Darcy, sweetheart, take the new shield,” Steve encouraged as Sam whipped out his wings again, holding out his arms for Darcy.  

 

“You need it!” Darcy insisted.  

 

“I’ll share with him, Ma,” Bucky promised.  “Friday taught me how to share.”

 

“Let’s sing the sharing song!” Friday chirped over the comm units.  “OY!  Wanda the Witch just swore and blew up a whole tanker of ammunition the bad guys brought with them!”

 

“Alright, come on, let’s go, Mom, take the shield, please,” Tony said, slightly impatient, but giving his best wheedling smile to Darcy.  She sighed and took the new Vibranium shield from Steve and gave him a quick kiss.  Tony grinned and pointed at everyone else.  “Go bash things.  Sammy, take Mom to the bunker.”

 

* * *

 

 

“NO. No Mom.  NO.  That sevoflurane goes in  _ there _ , with the lipid catalysts.”

 

“Woops.  Sorry,” Darcy wrinkled her nose at the vials that Helen had handed her to put into the little grenade like balls that would then be given to Natasha to unleash on the masses of Hydra that were currently encroaching upon the base.  “You know that I’m not good at actual science.  I just wanted to put the toppers on!”

 

Helen watched in apprehension as Darcy’s bottom lip wobbled and her eyes became huge and filled with tears.  Darcy put down the weapons she had been trying to assemble and ripped off her heavy thick gloves that made it nearly impossible for her to do much of anything.  Her entire body slumped in half and she began to cry in earnest and Helen panicked putting her own work aside and tossing her work gloves.

 

“No, no, no Mom, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it,” Helen said quickly.  She wrapped her up in a fierce hug and placed quick, repetitive kisses against Darcy’s wet cheeks.  “You did a great job.  I mean, sure, I think that those balls would potentially create slow moving, starving people….”

 

“I MADE ZOMBIE GAS!” Darcy wailed.

 

“Hells?  Is your Mom okay?” Steve demanded over the communication systems.  “Friday the Explorer said she’s crying.”

 

“I’m FINE!” Darcy sobbed.  “I made zombie gas.  I’m gonna be the person who starts the zombie apocalypse but other than that, I’m fine!”

 

“We’re okay, Dad, just normal super hormones making Mom a little….” Helen paused.

 

“Emotional,” Natasha finished over the coms.  “She’s allowed to be emotional, she’s building my baby brother from scratch.”

 

“Look at what you did to my sweet, loving, little mother,” Bucky teased Steve.  

 

“You couldn’t a dialed back the super on that baby batter?” Tony piled on Steve easily.  “Nice shot, Barnes!”

 

A knock on the door to the bunker that Helen and Darcy were housed in caused Darcy’s tears to dry up immediately.  She pushed Helen down to the ground, taking off her kevlar skirt that Steve had fashioned for her and throwing it on top of Helen.  She grabbed two of the gas balls and took aim at the door, a vicious look on her face.

 

“Prepare to be zombified, Hydra scum!” Darcy hollered.  “I can still swing a bat if I’m crying, bitches!”

 

“It’s Hill, Ma,” Bucky revealed from his vantage point about twenty feet away.  There was absolutely no way he was leaving Helen and Darcy both unprotected.  He had relinquished the shield back to Steve after just one throw.  He was doing just fine from the distance to the front line, relying on his sharp shooting felt so much better than doing hand to hand combat at the moment.  “You can let her in.”

 

“But if she’s rude to you, you can make her a zombie,” Natasha suggested, her words warped in that telltale way that said she had a lollipop in her mouth.  She didn’t know when her mutual respect for Hill would come back, hopefully with the last aging, because she still wanted to antagonize the woman that was normally her friend.  

 

Darcy cautiously went to the door to the bunker and entered her ten digit code. Maria was the only person waiting on the other side.  She nodded at both Helen and Darcy before holding out what used to be a diaper bag for Natasha. 

 

“Load me up,” Maria demanded.  

 

“You can’t make zombies!” Darcy insisted,her chin wobbling again.  “I messed  _ everything _ up!”

 

“Hey!” Maria snapped her fingers in front of Darcy’s face.  “Crazy pregnant lady!”

  
“Hill!” Steve barked out angrily.  

 

“Uh Oh, Nats is on her way,” Tony sing songed softly.  

 

“Listen to me, Darcy Lewis-Rogers!” Maria barked out, not sounding unkind, just a little impatient.  “You are a  _ great  _ mother.  I didn’t know that.  I should have known that.  But I didn’t.  And I don’t know what we would have done all those months ago without you.”

 

“Huh?” Darcy sniffled looking up at Maria in confusion.

 

“You and Helen aren’t destroyers, you’re not the kind of people to hurt others.  You’re healers and nurturers and you do a damned fine job of it,” Maria said softly.  “But I’m a destroyer.  And I will take those zombie balls, and I will throw them at Hydra and turn them into drooling, starving, shuffling idiots and then?  I’m gonna destroy them.”

 

“You’re in the clear, Hill,” Tony advised.  “Nats is back to bashing.  And eating M&M’s.”

 

“So---so you think I’m gonna be a good mom?” Darcy whispered.     
  


“Insufferably so,”  Maria rolled her eyes. “ I look forward to your super special snowflake having nearly zero discipline but all the heart and starry eyed kindness in the world.  I’m sure he and his future super siblings will be making my life a living hell for decades to come.”

 

“Damn right,” Helen nodded.  

 

“Language, babe!” Sam laughed.  

 

Helen laughed.  A week ago, she might have been scandalized by her own foul words, but grown-up Helen was happily back to her foul-mouthed ways.  “Screw that, cookiebutt.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey dude.”

 

Bucky didn’t look up from his perfect sniping position.  He merely nodded as Clint took a place in the tree closest to him, setting up shop with his arrows and bow.  

 

“Took you long enough,” Bucky remarked.  “My Natalia almost got all the bad guys already.”

 

“She’s a terrifying two-year-old and she’s a terrifying teen,” Clint chuckled.  “Still got the candy at hand, I see.”

  
“She always had a sweet tooth,” Bucky smirked.  “I think she got better at hiding it as an adult.”

 

“When I landed the quinjet, Pym told me to tell you ten minutes,” Clint reported.  “He wants the machine destroyed right after before any of these idiot Hydra scum can catch wind of it.”

 

“You got this?” Bucky asked, even as he began packing up his gear.  He knew Clint had it.  It wasn’t that bad any longer, actually.  Steve was in fine form, having quite a bit to fight for at the moment: his kids on the field, Helen and Darcy and the new life his wife carried in the bunker so close.  

 

Clint let three arrows go in quick succession, stealing three easy hits from Natasha on the field.

 

“Barton, you fucker!” Natasha scowled.

 

“Nats!” Steve scolded.

 

“But Daddy, Helen gets to swear again!” Natasha whined expertly, sounding very much like a teenager.  

 

“She’s a grownup, young lady,” Steve had no problem falling into the lines of a slightly disappointed father.  “When you’re a grownup you can do whatever you want---”

 

Bucky appeared right next to Natasha and smacked a kiss on her cheek.

 

“And  _ kiss _ whoever you want,” Steve grumbled.  “But until that time comes, you’re gonna listen to me.”

 

“What?  I can’t hear you!” Natasha sassed back as she and Bucky made a run for it, taking down any straggling Hydra along the way.

 

Steve sighed and shook his head, taking the shield and knocking down three Hydra.  He felt a heavy sadness in his gut, knowing that when they came back, they’d be right back to normal again.  He wished for just one second for one more little hug---

  
“Hey!” Natasha called out before she had thrown herself at Steve.  He dropped the shield and hugged her tight, allowing the rest of the team to take care of the work.  Her voice was truly soft enough that only Steve could hear her.  “Hey Daddy.  What do you want me to be to you, now?  You know, later when I’m back to normal again?”

 

“How about my amazing kid that I love very much?” Steve murmured back to her, hugging her as tight as he dared.

 

“I think we’re in business,” Natasha smacked a kiss on Steve’s cheek before wiggling her way back down to the ground.  “See you soon.”

 

She was out of his arms for a second before Bucky replaced her, so much taller than he had been just a few hours ago, but feeling like something from a different century for Steve.  Steve was nearly a head taller than Bucky still, and rested his cheek against the young man’s hair.  They remained that way for a good twenty seconds, silent and embracing.

 

“You’re a good boy,” Steve promised.  “You’re a good man, Buck.  Me and your Ma love you so much.”

 

“I know,” Bucky nodded, sniffling slightly as his easy tears came bubbling up.  “I know that now, Pop.”

 

“See you soon,” Steve smiled through his tears, accepting Bucky’s smacking kiss against his cheek as well.  “Love you, pal.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Mom, I need more of that zombie stuff!” Helen pounded her fist against the little bathroom that Darcy had sought out ten minutes earlier claiming that she had an upset stomach.  “Maria said it’s awesome, and she wants to make all the Hydra into zombies!  What ratio did you use?”

 

“One to one,” Darcy answered, but not from inside the bathroom.  

 

“Mom?” Helen blinked, looking at the speaker that had been feeding them the audio from the front.  She opened the bathroom door and saw that Darcy had managed to get out via the air vent, and if the missing plaster was any indication, she had managed to bring the shield with her.   “Uhmmmm…”

 

The panic in Helen’s voice increased exponentially and Darcy couldn’t stand to hear her so scared. 

 

“I’m alright, it’s okay,” Darcy promised.  “Sammy, you got eyes on me?  I’m using the laser pointer you gave me from the crane machine.”

 

“I got her!” Sam called out, “Providing cover.”

 

“Darce,” Steve whispered, feeling his heart start the slow climb out of his stomach after the freefall it had just done.

 

“I’m okay,” Darcy promised.  “Almost there.”

 

* * *

 

 

"Hola Big Poppa!" Friday whispered into Steve's comm unit.  "Just to let you know, Mamacita is using her super secret channel of communication with you right now.  She let me know by humming her special song into the walkie talkie she cobbled together in the bunker."

 

Steve was calming a little from his extreme heart clenching fear when Helen couldn't find Darcy in the bunker.  He thought for one split second that someone had gone for his wife, that this entire invasion wasn't for Bucky and Natasha.  That it was for Darcy and they'd been fools not to surround her and defend her with everything they had.  

 

"You tell her she owes me a back massage," Steve muttered.

 

"Oh yes, she already had me order the really good massage oils!" Friday said excitedly.  "I love ordering things."

 

Steve blinked in consternation at that. Friday was an artificial intelligence.  JARVIS had never even LOVED doing much of anything.  It didn't worry him as much as it should, given his past experience with Ultron.  Friday was now as much a member of the team as anyone else, and Steve refused to think that even if she gained sentience and tried to build a robot body of her own, that she would be problematic.

 

"Mamacita thinks that someone on the inside might know when Bucky and Nats are going to take their special treatments to grow up big and strong.  She figured out they don’t know about the machine, and she’s super duper concerned.   And she's worried that they're going to do something when the procedure is happening and Bucky and Nats are more vulnerable than...well ever," Friday relayed.

 

"Shit," Steve breathed out.  "I'm sorry, Friday, I didn't mean to swear."

 

"It's alright," Friday assured him.  "You're in a special episode right now, Big Poppa.  You're allowed to have three more slip ups."

 

"Okay, how many more Hydra are coming through the woods?" Steve wondered, taking a quick inventory of his team.  Clint could cover for Bucky easily at this point, but without Natasha there, gleefully doling out pain and destruction, they were falling a little behind.

 

The Earth moved beneath his feet and Steve spun around, seeing that shield of Phil Coulson's as he and his team sped towards the front lines.  Coulson, Melinda May and the rest of the special SHIELD agents just might make up for one teenaged Natasha.

 

"We've got this," Agent May nodded at Steve.  

 

"Tell Darcy, I'm on my way," Steve ordered, flinging the shield and knocking down an extra two henchmen before speeding off.  He hummed a specific tune and asked politely, "Please ask her not to exert herself too much."

  
  


* * *

 

 

"Do you remember Warsaw?" Natasha asked Bucky quietly in Russian as they stood in the room where Vision was rapidly working to boot the machine back to full strength alongside Pym, who looked eager to finally be rid of the contraption.

 

"I remember everything about you, Natalia," Bucky promised her, pulling their clasped hands up and planting a soft kiss on her knuckles, which were only slightly red from her earlier fighting and bashing.  He blushed a little and gave a hapless shrug.  "Cause I love you."

 

"Yes, I know," Natasha smirked up at him.  

 

"And you love me," Bucky encouraged.

 

"My father may not approve," Natasha said with all the seriousness she could muster, looking very grave indeed.

 

"I'll figure out a way to win him over, doll, cause I gotta tell you, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna marry you someday," Bucky whispered secretively.  "That is if you think I'm worth the trouble."

 

"You are worth everything," Natasha actually blushed at Bucky's earnest words, feeling butterflies, cursed teenaged butterflies zinging through her stomach, making her feel lighter and more energetic than any sugary treat could have in that moment.  

 

Bucky's left hand went to the pink blush tinging her cheeks and gently lay his fingertips there, happy tears leaking from the corners of his eyes as the sensors registered the heat.  Natasha stood on the tops of her toes, and probably would have been en pointe had she been wearing the proper shoes.  Pouting pink lips pursed slightly before she asked with a demure purr,

 

"Would you like a kiss?"

 

"You know it, doll," Bucky grinned eagerly, before shaking out his shoulders, closing his eyes and puckering his lips obnoxiously.

 

He was surprised when something hard and cool met his lips and opened his eyes to see Natasha pressing a Hershey's kiss chocolate candy to his mouth.  The look on her face might have been better than any kiss though, mirthful and silly, and one hundred percent delighted with her own humor.  Bucky laughed, a loud guffaw of a thing, right from his gut and Natasha took the opportunity to put the chocolate in his wide open mouth.  

 

"Pardon the intrusion," Vision didn't sound sorry so much as intensely curious.  "Counting down."

 

Natasha went back to standing normally, her hand reaching out and finding Bucky's easily.  Vision calmly counted down from ten and everything felt right.

 

"Five."

 

And then things started to sound wrong to both Natasha and Bucky's ears.  There was a scuffle, to be certain, just outside of the door leading into the hallway.  

 

"Four."

 

Someone was being kicked, violently.

 

"Three."

 

The words were muffled through the supposedly soundproof door, but Bucky and Natasha both tensed when they recognized Darcy's dulcet tones, swearing up a storm and grunting in exertion.  

 

"Two."

 

The teenagers shared a scared look at a smacking sound and Darcy cursing and opened their mouths to stop the process.  

 

"One."

 

The blast of light and the sound covered up the sound of the lab door being crushed open.  When Bucky and Natasha opened their eyes, Darcy was rushing into the room after the man that she had thrown into the door, a low level SHIELD grunt, newly recruited.  He had a split lip and looked dazed and confused.

 

Darcy was wielding Steve's newest shield from T'Challa, and had no problem whatsoever swinging the thing just as the idiot traitor (Bucky and Natasha rightly assumed), got to his knees.  The shield connected with his jaw and he went flying right into the arm of the aging machine, smashing it into three shattered pieces.  He landed against the opposite wall with a loud, grunt of pain before succumbing to unconsciousness in a heap in the floor.

 

"No one messes with my kids!" Darcy yelled, throwing the shield at the remnants of the machine, having it run through the metal like hot butter.  She blew out a long breath and managed a smile, giving Bucky and Natasha a little wave.

 

Steve ran up to the scene quickly after, holding the other shield and looking around with wild concern.  He dropped his shield too, and went for Darcy quickly, picking her up and holding her as tight as he dared.

 

"Ma?" Bucky whispered, looking at the destruction that Darcy had managed all on her own.

 

"Yeah, baby boy?" Darcy mumbled into Steve's shoulder.

 

"Uhm...." Bucky held up his hands and gestured to the wrecked machinery and the wrecked double agent.

 

"Yeah," Darcy pushed against Steve and budged him, making him put her down on her own two feet.  She shrugged and smiled at Bucky and a smirking Natasha, all back to normal, and smiling at her in a way they had never quite managed when they had been grown up before.  It was loving and beautiful and had a sort of joy in it that Bucky and Natasha HADN'T had before.  She grinned back at them and nodded, "I think this super baby is kind of giving me super strength right now.  I wouldn't recommend doing anything to warrant spankings for the next nine months, kids, okay?  Make sure to tell Tony."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go!!!! (Don't worry, we'll have one shots in this universe in the future).
> 
> Thank you all for reading!!!


	38. Business as Usual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bum bum bum, another one bites the dust. 
> 
> As in, another WIP is done and bites the dust. YAY!

**Chapter Thirty-Eight: Business as Usual**

 

* * *

 

**_One month later_ **

  


"It's not that we're disappointed in you.  We could never be disappointed in you.  We're very proud of you, but you know that you're driving Director Hill up a wall, here, and she's putting a lot of pressure on us, and you know Mom doesn't need that kind of pressure right now---"

 

"UNFAIR!" Tony whined from his place on the couch next to Bucky and Natasha  "That's just---that's unfair Pops.  BLATANTLY and PATENTLY UNFAIR."

 

"I gotta agree with Tony here, that's pulling a big card, I mean look at Barnes!" Sam pointed at the man in question.  He and Helen were standing behind the couch, looking very guilty indeed.

 

Bucky was sitting in his seat, looking absolutely miserable and dejected, his blue-gray eyes swimming with unshed tears, his bottom lip jutted out and his chin quivering as he gave Darcy properly ashamed glances.

 

"Oh GOD, Steve, honey, they're sorry, let's just drop it!" Darcy sobbed into her husband's armpit as he wrapped his arm around her to provide some kind of strength.  Darcy still was susceptible to hormone induced moodiness, only because the hormones just kept going up, up and _up_.  Helen was monitoring her levels every other day, and had increased her own dosages accordingly, but under extreme events, Darcy was still prone to bursting into tears.

 

Extreme events were included but not limited to: that time when all of the grown children moved out of the Captain's quarters to their own quarters on the same floor, that time when she and Steve ran out of chocolate syrup, that time when she saw a particularly moving beer commercial, and that time when Luis provided her a cross-stitched pillow with the words ' _Best. Mom. Ever_.', as commissioned to do by Sam.  

  


Steve had been taken off of Maria Hill's rotation for Avenger's activities until further notice.  It had only taken ONE time that Darcy had rampaged through the facility, demanding to know where her husband was, and mostly accidentally breaking Maria's nose to convince the Director of SHIELD to pull Steve off of non-mass extinction events.  

 

"M'sorry," Bucky said pitiably.

 

"Pal, you and I are gonna have a private talk, I know exactly what you're doing, and it's not right," Steve said sternly.

 

"I'm not doin' nothin'!" Bucky insisted, shocked and appalled that Steve would even suggest it.  He sniffed and looked back at Darcy and looked absolutely dejected. "I just can't stand to see my sweet little lovin’ mother cryin' is all, and I feel real bad about it---"

 

And then, without blinking, two perfect tears fell from the corners of his eyes, just at the point that Darcy had peeked up out of the safety of Steve's now snot drenched armpit.  

 

"It's okay!" Darcy cried out, pushing Steve out of the way, sending him straight across the room and into the old fashioned cabinet that was set up in the corner of the room.  Darcy ran with astonishing speed and threw herself at Bucky, winding up sprawled across the laps of Bucky, Natasha and Tony.  "You're forgiven, please don't cry, I can't take it!"

 

"M'sorry," Bucky said honestly, before pawing at his eyes and taking another sniff.  A broad smile broke across his face immediately, and Darcy hugged him as fiercely as he could.  A cracking sound could be heard and Bucky laughed, "Thanks, Ma, I needed my back cracked."

 

"Nats!" Steve called out from his place in the shambles of the (frankly awful) cabinet.  He stood up and held up a case of M&M's, half full and looked at the grownup woman that had been his toddler daughter a month ago.  "You can't just stash candy everywhere, we'll get ants!"

 

"No you won't, we're demolishing this building, remember?" Natasha smirked at him.

 

"And that brings me back to the original point," Steve sighed.  "You can't demolish buildings without clearing it with Hill first!"

 

"Don't scold them, they're good, and their hearts are in the right place," Darcy pleaded with Steve.  

 

"Sweetheart, you're not seeing things clearly right now, you missed your 1:30 nutrition bar," Steve smiled at her as sweetly as he possibly could.  There were days when he felt so guilty for doing this to his wife.  She was barely two months pregnant, and she'd had to deal with a lot of emotional stress and physical stress for every single one of those days she'd been carrying their baby.  Not to mention that she now had superpowers.  Maria, with her broken nose, had offered to switch Steve out of the field for Darcy in a heartbeat.

 

Steve had allowed Natasha to glare at the SHIELD director and exact her own special revenge for that suggestion (Blonde hair did not suit Hill one bit).

 

But Darcy'd always been quick to point out that not only was she the only one capable of doing it (while going on a hormone induced  rant about any other woman who dared to look at her husband), but also she was more than thrilled to do it when she was at her most hormonally balanced.   She'd wanted the baby just as much as him, and ninety percent of the time, Helen had the tricky situation with the hormones figured out.  But on the ten percent it wasn't...

 

"Oh, I forgot," Darcy wrinkled her nose and her eyes filled with tears again.  "I'm a TERRIBLE MOTHER! I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER TO EAT A GRANOLA BAR FOR MY BABY!"

 

All five of the former children went into action.  Bucky snapped his vibranium fingers, before wrapping his arms around Darcy and hugging her tight.  Natasha wriggled from underneath Darcy's behind and jumped over her, going towards Steve like he was an enemy.  To his credit, he could only stand there with the case of M&M's in his hand, looking dumbstruck as she plucked the candy from his hands and pulled out three bags.    

 

Tony looked around suspiciously before barking up at the ceiling, "Friday!"

 

"Hola, El Jeffe!" Friday chirped back.  While she was normal Friday most days with the base personnel, she had somehow managed to turn back on her Friday the Explorer programming when it was just Steve, Darcy and their grown-up kids in a room together.  

 

And some of the time she did it to annoy normal people, which Tony couldn't fault her for.  Annoying people was a lot of fun.

 

"Where's that mommy-to-be bot I built?  Don't tell me you made it sentient, it's not ready for that, you'd fry the circuitry," Tony warned.  

 

"Dum-E adopted it because everyone deserves to have a mommy who loves it!" Friday answered.  Having a mommy and daddy who loved him made El Jeffe get back together with Senorita Spicy, and that made me SO happy.  And it made Dum-E happy too, so the conclusion was made that everyone should have a mommy and Daddy.  And now, Dum-E won't put the mommy-to-be bot down, even when I told it to."

 

"Tony," Steve scolded.

 

"Sorry, I'm trying to stop all the machines from thinking for themselves, but Friday kind of infected---everything," Tony wrinkled his nose.  It was a benevolent program though, not at all like Ultron.  All the bots wanted to do was nurture or teach.  It was still, mostly creepy.  

 

The mommy-to-be bot was SUPPOSED to follow Darcy around all day, carrying everything she needed and reminding her when it was time for her scheduled nutrition.    Tony realized that until he could get the bot away from Dum-E, he would just have to commission Luis to follow Darcy around with a diaper bag full of anything she could ever need.

 

Helen had run into the kitchen where she kept an extra stash of the bars for Darcy, but started squawking and lamenting about the state of Darcy and Steve's fridge.  Apparently the condiment drawer was an absolute mess.  Meanwhile, Sam went to the bathroom and brought out a roll of toilet paper and Steve furrowed his brow at that.

 

"We ran out of the good stuff, I've been using the scratchy stuff," Steve revealed.

 

"YOU ran out of the good stuff," Sam smirked.  "Darce get's the good stuff always."

 

"You shouldn't be mean to your Dad!" Darcy scolded all the kids, easily breaking Bucky's hug and looking at all of them with a fierceness they only rarely saw.  "He loves you all so much and he only wants what's best for everyone and---and I love him so much.  And---and he's so cute when he's being all--all---"

 

Bucky's eyes widened and he stood up immediately, carrying Darcy gingerly over to Steve. He handed her off quickly into Steve's welcoming arms and then took five quick steps back to Natasha, who was holding her hands full of M&M's waiting to be fed to Darcy.

 

"Everyone out, she's gonna blow!" Bucky warned.

 

The former kids scattered, Natasha throwing a handful of sweets into her mouth, making her cheeks bulge out cartoonishly.  They ran from the door, but it was too late, they heard the smacking of lips and Steve's desperate stumbling to get them back to the bedroom.

 

"See, all this will stop when we build them that house," Tony sighed.  "There's a reason we blew up that building and scheduled this one to blow too.  Hill needs to mind her own business or be turned into a redhead this time."

 

* * *

 

The first time Steve caught Bucky on top of Natasha had not been pretty.  It was only a little innocent tickling and kissing, and surveillance used to vindicate Bucky would show that it had been Natasha who had started it, pulling him down on the couch and kissing avidly at his more than willing mouth.  Steve had found them sprawled out on the couch in the common room, and for the first time ever, he had managed to sneak up on the two of them undetected and unnoticed.

 

He hadn't been able to catch Bucky for two days after that, the old skill set coming back into play to protect him from a star spangled throttling.  Natasha had solved that by sitting Steve down and going into excruciating detail about how Bucky made her feel even without the physical details about their relationship.  And when she had started to wax poetic about the physicality of their relationship, Steve had been horrified.

 

"Nats, baby, You realize how bad his ass smells after two days out in the field and nothing but canned beans as provisions?" Steve had asked, absolutely appalled at his surrogate daughter's sanity.

 

"Funny, because Mom was complaining about your night toots after ice cream sundaes funday," Natasha said calmly, her face blank and unassuming, just as if she had been in a high stakes interrogation.  

 

"Night toots?" Steve closed his eyes, and had the good sense to look heavily embarrassed.

 

"She said it was like a machine gun going off.  A machine gun of stink," Natasha smirked just slightly.  "Tony added air freshener to the bot so you don't stink her out of the bed."

 

Steve sighed and gave her a smirk of his own, nearly looking like genetic father and daughter at that point.  He shrugged and nodded before saying, "It's not that I don't approve.  I want the two of you to be happy.  I want that so much.  Bucky is just---I caught him making time with quite a few dames ever since we were thirteen that first time around."

 

"He loves me though," Natasha's voice was barely a whisper, and all pretense of smirking and interrogation was gone.  Her face was an open book at that point, beaming with happiness and anticipation and a low simmering excitement.  

 

Steve had never seen that expression on Natasha's face before, not when she was a grown up super spy and not when she was a two year old with a five pound bag of candy in her hands.  This was new.  This was joy and contentment and happiness and Steve knew it came from knowing that she loved Bucky and Bucky loved her.  They had finally, FINALLY grasped onto their happy ending and neither was going to let go.

 

Steve pitied whoever would try to take it from them.  For one, he'd be second in line to stop that foolish person from attempting it.  Second right behind Steve's very formidable wife.  

 

"I'm happy for you," Steve insisted.  "I'm proud of the both of you for being able to have this."

 

"Thank you, Daddy," Natasha made the small distance between them disappear and hugged him fiercely.  They both cringed when they overheard one of the security detail people talking in the distance about the kinky avengers.

 

"I'll have Agent Sanchez talk to him," Steve assured her.  "Don't go taking your own revenge."

 

"Sure, sure," Natasha waved off his concern, just as she had done when she was two and had waved off his every attempt at making her eat anything remotely good for her.

 

"And tell Bucky I won't chase after him anymore," Steve kissed the top of Natasha's head, red curls still tickling underneath his nose, albeit these were a little more controlled and managed that the former coif of a two-year-old..

 

"And?" Natasha prompted.

 

"And I won't threaten to cut off his other hand," Steve mumbled.

 

"And?" Natasha laughed.

 

"And I won't stuff his locker full of pamphlets about celibacy," Steve wrinkled his nose at that one.  It had been a lot of fun to do.  "I'll adjust and you can---hug Bucky all you want."

 

"And kiss," Natasha insisted.

 

"And hold his hand," Steve suggested helpfully.  They broke off their hug and Steve grinned down at her.  "I just want the both of you to keep on being so happy."

  


"Then the next time you happen upon us in the middle of very enjoyable, very consensual activities, you should perhaps cover your eyes and count to ten," Natasha encouraged.

 

By the fifth time Steve had walked in on nefarious relations between Bucky and Natasha (Bucky was nothing if not prolific and Natasha was nothing if not excessive in her affection for him), Steve had started counting to one hundred.

 

* * *

 

 

"Mom, chillax, it's just a date, it's not a big deal.  Please stop wiping at my face with spit.  I don't even think you did that when I was six!"

 

Darcy smirked at Tony, wiping away at an oil smudge near his (real) goatee.  Pepper was coming back to the base for a long weekend, and Darcy and Tony had been planning all the romance that Tony could reasonably handle.  It was a lot more understated than the magical dream date the kids had given Darcy and Steve, but it was still plenty romantic and magical.  

 

Tony was a little nervous, truth be told.  

 

"You're going to be fine," Darcy promised.  "You're going to knock her socks off.  I just know it."

 

"You have to say that," Tony sighed.  "You're my Mom.  Well, technically my paid babysitter, but now, you know, you're Mom too."

 

"I don't have to say ANYTHING that isn't true," Darcy promised.  "You're a beautiful, wonderful person.  You do good things every day.  And you're brilliant.  Pepper is lucky to have you."

 

"I am brilliant," Tony agreed as Darcy futzed with his tie.  

 

"And handsome," Darcy assured him.

 

"Before Thor came to Earth I was People's Sexiest Man Alive three times," Tony reminded her, a preening little smug smile on his face.

 

"That you were," Darcy agreed, kindly not reminding him that those titles came before Steve was brought out of the ice too.  

 

"Yeah," Tony took a step away from her and went to the nearest console, looking over plans for three or four different projects at once, idle and full of nervous energy all at the same time.  

 

"Tony, sweetie?" Darcy questioned.  "Tell me what's wrong."

 

"What if I screw up again?" Tony whispered, unable to turn and look her in the face.  

 

And Darcy was having absolutely zero of that. She hummed a specific little tune before she marched right up to him and pushed the holoscreen away, putting her hands on Tony's shoulders.  She looked up at him and her heart clenched at the tears starting to form in his eyes.

 

"Usually things are good after a crisis.  For me and Pepper.  For like, a couple of months, then boom, Tony messes up again, and everything is back to square one," Tony bitterly mumbled.  "What happens next time?"

 

"Hey, listen to me," Darcy said with a gentle sort of assertiveness that she had mastered in the last year.  "If you mess up, I don't care."

 

"But---"

 

"I don't care.  I don't.  I will never, ever care if you mess up again," Darcy promised him.  She wrapped her arms around his middle and hugged him as tight as she could.  "I might scold you, sure, but no one is leaving you, no one is abandoning you and there is nothing you could do that would make me love you less."

 

"She's right, Tony," Steve announced as he came into Tony's quarters, which were really just a big lab with a bed set up in the corner, until the new quarters could be built up on the facility campus.  Steve walked over to them quickly.  He wasted no time in wrapping the both of them up in a hug.  "I have every confidence in you that you won't be falling into bad habits again.  We're a team, and we're talking over the big stuff."

 

"No more secrets from each other, no matter how bad the news is," Darcy insisted.  

 

"Well, I mean, some secrets.  You guys didn't tell Hells and Sam that they're going to South Korea at the end of the week," Tony managed a small smile, feeling warm and safe in the combined embrace of Darcy and Steve.

 

"Good secrets are good," Steve laughed.  "You kids taught me that when you had me hitched to this looker right here."

 

"How'd you know to come anyway?  Are you guys still singing to Friday to talk to each other?" Tony demanded.  "I thought I turned it off!"

 

"She turned it back on for us," Darcy shrugged.  "It comes in handy.  Come on, no more moping.  Pepper gets here in fifteen minutes.  Now, if she threatens you bodily harm, you hum row,row, row your boat and Mommy will come and smack a bitch, okay?"

 

* * *

 

 

"Nats loves you so much, and when you get to come out and play, I get to cuddle you after Mommy and Daddy.  I don't care if Hells is pulling you out of there, I get cuddles before her.  And then Hells.  Then James.  Then Tony.  And Sammy is last.  Because he's the most patient of us all, not because he's less important.  And then when you're one, I get to feed you your first piece of chocolate.  And that will make you love me more than anybody else...and then when you can walk, I can teach you how to balance and---"

 

Darcy smiled as Natasha cuddled in her lap, her mouth against the very gentle swell of the baby Darcy carried.  She was mumbling so very low that the only person that could conceivably hear her was likely Steve, who Darcy was currently using as a reclining chair, laying against his whole body while they sat on the picnic blanket in front of the bare bones of the new house that their kids had decided they needed.  

 

But Darcy could hear now.  Every week it seemed that something new was popping up for Darcy, abilities wise.  Even Steve didn't have super smell though, but Darcy did thanks to the normal pregnancy hormones.  The super serum aftereffects were giving her super everything else.  She was just as strong as Bucky or Steve, had the same high running metabolism, and now, unknown to anyone except Steve, she had super strong hearing as well.  

 

"Thank you for waiting till the baby is one to give him chocolate," Darcy ran her hand through Natasha's red curls, getting that blip of a surprised look on her face when she realized that Darcy had heard her.  

 

"That better not be permanent," Natasha sighed.

 

"It's not," Helen called out helpfully, where she was carefully supervising the handling of the food for their picnic.  "Well---not entirely."

 

Tony had even drug out a small, unassuming looking charcoal grill, with the expressed intent of grilling hot dogs and burgers (Separately, for Helen's sanity).  Now that Darcy had gotten the morning sickness handled, it was time for all of the foods to be eaten.  She had requested five burgers, and Sammy and Bucky were currently doing rock, paper scissors to see who would be allowed to man the grill.  

 

"This first time might have some after effects," Helen explained.  "I mean, like, you know when you have a pair of jeans that you really love and you wear and you don't want to wash them because it took you like, four wearings to get them to that shape."

 

"No, I don't think I've ever worn the same pair of jeans twice," Tony effortlessly sassed.  "Please tell me, Hells, how do poor people do it?"

 

"Smartass motherfucker," Helen squinted at him.  "Anyway, when the baby comes, it'll be like washing the jeans.  There might be a specific little bend to them that you miss."

 

"So she might be a little stronger?" Bucky wondered.

 

"Exactly," Helen nodded.

 

"And when she has my little sister?" Natasha asked thoughtfully.

 

"Nats!  Let me have this one first!" Darcy laughed.  

 

"Well---the more she is pregnant with super babies, the more it'll stretch out the jeans," Helen shrugged.  "And the genes.  Heh.  Scientist pun."

 

Tony rolled his eyes and no one else laughed and Helen wrinkled her nose.

 

"I miss Jane.  She'd have laughed, you ignorant motherfuckers."

 

"Hells," Steve shook his head in amusement.  For someone who was the language police as a four year old, Helen loved to swear as an adult.  "You gotta learn to curb it soon, you're not allowed to swear in front of your brother."

 

"Uhoh," Sam laughed.  "Better put on the swear safeguards on Friday, Tony."

 

"Okay Sammy!" Friday called out from Tony's back pocket, where his phone currently was.  "That's a great idea.  We'll have to come up with all new songs to make sure everyone can learn that swearing is bad."

 

"Start with Hill!" Natasha sat upright immediately, a devilish gleam in her eyes.

 

Apparently all the harmless, antagonizing animosity between the two woman had not disappeared with Natasha's childhood.  

 

"Can do, Nats!" Friday chirped.

 

Steve laughed as Tony tried desperately to counteract Friday's programming.  He caught Bucky's eye as the man held the bag of charcoal away from Sam with his metal arm.  Bucky threw him a wink before pursing his lips in a kissy face at Darcy and then Natasha.  

 

"So, who wants burgers?" Sam asked, holding up a metal spatula with a maniacal sort of victory shining in his eyes.  "Barnes got the apron, but I got the spatula, so...I'm roasting our various meats over an open flame."

 

"I have a metal hand, fly boy," Bucky rolled his eyes, wiggling his vibranium fingers.  "I don't need your stinking spatula."

 

"What are you guys arguing about?" Tony wondered as he pressed a few buttons on the grill and suddenly two metal arms protruded from the sides and immediately went for the burger patties just waiting to be grilled, slapping them on and somehow amplifying the sizzling sound.  

 

"TONY, dude, CHILL," Sam rolled his eyes in frustrated exasperation, looking not unlike a very dramatic teenager at that moment.  "You don't need to mechanize everything."

 

"Pop!  Wilson is stifling Tony's creativity!" Bucky tattled gleefully.  

 

"Leave me out of it," Steve's voice was a soft mumble as he had his eyes closed, head tilted back in the sky.  At that moment, he really didn't want to deal with the playful, never ending bickering between Bucky, Tony and Sam.  

 

He had his beautiful wife sprawled out against him, he had Natasha next to him, and now Helen as she flopped onto the blanket with a container full of carefully divided picnic foods.  He could see the house that was in the process of being built, not the skeleton walls waiting to be filled in, but the beautiful, finished product.

 

It had a big yard full of wildflowers and one large tree.  Tony would build a really fancy outdoor playset, full of slides and climbing surfaces, with Friday the Explorer built right in to play with the little ones (and probably the big ones, too).  Helen might need a few first aid stations along the way, making sure to have patches and bandages as needed.

 

The tree would have to have a lot of branches, because he was sure Natasha would be using it to teach little hands and feet how to climb probably before they could walk.  There'd be a lane in front of the house where Bucky would teach someone small and precious how to ride a bicycle, just as he had tried to teach Steve back in the 30's.  

 

Steve could see a big porch, with the woodwork painted white.  And he didn't have an opinion on wicker or wood, he just wanted to make sure they had a big, cushion covered porch swing, so he could lay back just as he was now, with his wife flush against him, just basking in it all.  

 

He could hear Darcy's stomach growling and his eyes fluttered open, watching as Tony and Bucky ganged up on Sam, trying to stop him from battling the mechanized, robotic barbeque grill.  Helen was handing Darcy little cheese cubes, while Natasha snuck little handfuls of the cookies Darcy had packed up for dessert.

  


"POPS!" Tony shouted at the top of his lungs.  "Wilson's trying to hide my light under a barrel!"  

 

"Do something!" Sam called out to Steve as well.  "Your demented grownup kid is gonna take over the world one grill at a time."

 

Darcy's stomach grumbled despite all the finger food that Helen was provided and Steve sighed happily before, shimmying out from behind his wife, replacing his body as best as he could with pillows up against Darcy's back.

 

"Alright, your ma's hungry, and that baby isn't gonna like waiting for food, so Tony, tell your barbeque robot to work with Sam," Steve said sternly.  "Buck, come and help me go and grab the pizza I had delivered just in case we needed it."

 

"I love you fabulous husband and provider!" Darcy shouted out, her mouth watering at the idea of pizza.  

 

"I love you too, Ma!" Bucky spoke over Steve, who only gave him a playful roll of his eyes before feigning breaking off into a sprint.  Bucky could never resist a race and took off, leaving dusty trails in his wake.

 

Steve grinned back at Darcy and winked, "I love you too, sweetheart."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support here. I can't even begin to tell you what it means to me!! I hope that you enjoyed reading this, and that it helped make your Mondays brighter!

**Author's Note:**

> The absolutely amazing [nemhaine42 ](http://nemhaine42.tumblr.com) created [this beautiful art](http://nemhaine42.tumblr.com/post/148660432749/darcy-i-shrunk-the-avengers-by-emma98), inspired by this story. CLICK IF YOU DARE, YOU MAY CURL UP INTO A BALL AND DIE FROM THE BREATHTAKING CUTENESS! It's so gorgeous!!


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